Hello and thank you for being a DL contributor. We are changing the login scheme for contributors for simpler login and to better support using multiple devices. Please click here to update your account with a username and password.

Hello. Some features on this site require registration. Please click here to register for free.

Hello and thank you for registering. Please complete the process by verifying your email address. If you can't find the email you can resend it here.

Hello. Some features on this site require a subscription. Please click here to get full access and no ads for $1.99 or less per month.

Let's be a lesbian pool party

I'm a gigantic tshirt worn over the bathing suit. I won't be getting wet.

by Anonymousreply 210June 26, 2022 11:33 PM

I'm the abundance of 'don't run near the pool!' warning signs.

by Anonymousreply 1June 22, 2022 7:52 PM

I'm the fibromyalgia that prevents running near the pool.

by Anonymousreply 2June 22, 2022 8:04 PM

I'm the wondering about whether it's a nut loaf or a human turd floating in the pool.

by Anonymousreply 3June 22, 2022 8:12 PM

"I'm the abundance of 'don't run near the pool!' warning signs."

We have stated our boundaries.

We are telling you NOW should we don't have to tell you LATER.

by Anonymousreply 4June 22, 2022 8:15 PM

I’m the mens’ board shorts worn by basically everyone at the party

by Anonymousreply 5June 22, 2022 8:42 PM

I'm one of those swimsuits with a skirt that's supposed to hide all the prominent FUPA. I fail miserably.

by Anonymousreply 6June 22, 2022 8:56 PM

I'm the smell of dozens of wet feet in sopping leather Birkenstocks as the gals climb out of the pool and into their summer footwear.

by Anonymousreply 7June 22, 2022 8:56 PM

Beer (and not the good kind) .... lots of cheap beer.

by Anonymousreply 8June 22, 2022 9:06 PM

I’m the pool jet that is being used for reasons which are well known to everyone.

by Anonymousreply 9June 22, 2022 9:14 PM

I'm the layer of cats' hairs, corn plasters, cigarette butts and beer can ring pulls floating on surface of the water. Under the right light and from a distance, this swimming pool looks like a Jackson Pollock painting!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 10June 22, 2022 9:16 PM

I am a snide comment from an elder lez to a cute baby dyke in a skin-tight one-piece that rides up on her perky ass: "Great job pandering to the male gaze."

by Anonymousreply 11June 22, 2022 9:19 PM

I'm Ruby. I'm letting the hostess know that I've noticed some spalling on the concrete deck around the pool, and there appears to be some bond shear and delamination affecting the coping.

I offer the services of my concrete-and-masonry firm at a friends-and-family discount in case the hostess wants to address these issues before they get out of hand.

by Anonymousreply 12June 22, 2022 9:25 PM

I'm the adorable dogs on floating lounges in the pool. I'm the Trulys or White Claws my hot owners are drinking. I'm the absence of douche bros. I'm the veggie and protein rich barbecue offerings. Of course we know how to barbecue! I'm the neighbor-friendly time it ends- everyone better be gone by 10pm.

by Anonymousreply 13June 22, 2022 9:28 PM

[quote]I'm the adorable dogs on floating lounges in the pool. I'm the Trulys or White Claws my hot owners are drinking. I'm the absence of douche bros. I'm the veggie and protein rich barbecue offerings. Of course we know how to barbecue! I'm the neighbor-friendly time it ends- everyone better be gone by 10pm.

All served without a scintilla of humor or levity.

by Anonymousreply 14June 22, 2022 9:32 PM

I'm the lesbo whore who flashes her pussy every time somebody walks by.

by Anonymousreply 15June 22, 2022 9:32 PM

I'm the one gay guy who managed to get an invite via ^ lesbo whore

by Anonymousreply 16June 22, 2022 10:11 PM

I'm gay guy zoned out while listening to the complex, interwoven romances and relationships of these women being explained to him.

by Anonymousreply 17June 22, 2022 10:15 PM

I’m the titillated straight male neighbor who casts his binoculars aside in horror that Nair and razors have no meaning with this herd.

by Anonymousreply 18June 22, 2022 10:15 PM

I'm 307 pounds, the average weight of the attendees on the guest list.

by Anonymousreply 19June 22, 2022 10:29 PM

The one attendant wearing swimwear looked to Lens Dunham for inspiration.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 20June 22, 2022 10:31 PM

I’m the buffalo-plaid one-piece that barely covers the muff-fro.

by Anonymousreply 21June 22, 2022 10:32 PM

[quote] "I'm a gigantic tshirt worn over the bathing suit. I won't be getting wet."

If I were a hot lesbian, I'd skip the suit and swim in the shirt alone. But seeing as though I'm a gay man, I'll have to settle for a Speedo and a caftan.

by Anonymousreply 22June 22, 2022 10:35 PM

I'm the elder lez with no body shame whatsoever. I remove all clothing, and dive into the pool with my pussy, tits, and ass on display for all to see.

by Anonymousreply 23June 22, 2022 10:41 PM

I'm the whiff of chlorine, Miller Lite, and snatch that all the neighbors up and down the block experience.

by Anonymousreply 24June 22, 2022 10:46 PM

I'm Jen, the big lesbian with jumper cables and I know how to use them. All the baby dykes love me when their cars won't start.

by Anonymousreply 25June 22, 2022 11:07 PM

Overheard: “I’m not here for any of your cis-heteronormative BULLSHIT!”

by Anonymousreply 26June 22, 2022 11:07 PM

I'm the ample bush seen through light colored swimsuits.

by Anonymousreply 27June 22, 2022 11:09 PM

DL's version of Lesbians is sad. I've always had the best time with my lesbian friends, women who know how to dress, groom, laugh and have a good time.

by Anonymousreply 28June 22, 2022 11:09 PM

R28 Do your lesbian friends shave their pits?

by Anonymousreply 29June 22, 2022 11:11 PM

R28 is a lesbian.

by Anonymousreply 30June 22, 2022 11:12 PM

Ha, no I am not, R30. I work in a field that has many (behind the camera stuff) lesbians.

The ones in LA shave/wax, the ones in Portland do not.

by Anonymousreply 31June 22, 2022 11:13 PM

I'm the chubby snow white legs slathered in sun block.

by Anonymousreply 32June 22, 2022 11:17 PM

I'm the voluminous beach towels.

by Anonymousreply 33June 22, 2022 11:17 PM

I'm the legs with varicose veins on display all throughout the party.

by Anonymousreply 34June 22, 2022 11:18 PM

I’m Jen, loudly and drunkenly asking: Does anyone know whether chlorine damages ankle monitors?

by Anonymousreply 35June 22, 2022 11:20 PM

We're the floating pedal bikes, and we'll help them burn off the calories from all those barbecued hotdogs and beer.

by Anonymousreply 36June 22, 2022 11:21 PM

I'm the two biggest, meanest lesbians who get into a brawl. Deck chairs are thrown and smashed. Crowbars and tire irons are used in the fight. Police are called, but the party rolls on...

by Anonymousreply 37June 22, 2022 11:23 PM

I'm R23 the naked elder lez. I was hit in the head with one of the thrown chairs in R37 's fight.

by Anonymousreply 38June 22, 2022 11:28 PM

[quote] DL's version of Lesbians is sad.

You must know by now that most of these people are shut-ins and incels, right?

by Anonymousreply 39June 22, 2022 11:31 PM

I'm Ruby, noticing that the grass is patchy and telling the hostess my construction firm can also lay turf.

I'm Jaxx, overhearing "TERF" and whirling my head around to see who said it.

I'm trouble. I'm a-brewin'.

by Anonymousreply 40June 22, 2022 11:33 PM

I'm Tiffany, a lipstick lesbian. My pussy leaves the party satisfied.

by Anonymousreply 41June 22, 2022 11:38 PM

I'm Alice B., the rescue pittie. As soon as someone foolishly slides open the patio door, I galumph out, straight into the pool for a cooling dip, then straight back out again to shake off on a gaggle of women holding plates of Beyond Meat burgers and potato chips.

by Anonymousreply 42June 22, 2022 11:41 PM

I'm the lack of deodorant and basic hygiene of the lesbians at the party.

by Anonymousreply 43June 22, 2022 11:46 PM

I'm the Uhaul reservation! Seems someone found their soul mate while serving up the Potato Salad!

by Anonymousreply 44June 22, 2022 11:55 PM

I'm the Lesbo camped out on the front porch asking everyone to sign my petition, as they come and go!

by Anonymousreply 45June 22, 2022 11:56 PM

I'm the plugged-up toilet after Big Jen had a blowout.

by Anonymousreply 46June 22, 2022 11:58 PM

I'm the drunken elder ex nun coming onto the younger lez with the intensity of a man. ....Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug all night long.

by Anonymousreply 47June 23, 2022 12:15 AM

I'm the open belching and farting

by Anonymousreply 48June 23, 2022 12:17 AM

I am cilantro. Big Mel suspects that the Amy's Black Bean Veggie Burger she just bit into contains me, even though she was ASSURED that there was no cilantro. Big Mel has stated her boundaries: She CANNOT eat cilantro.

Micki, ever the peacemaker, dutifully supports her partner by rooting through the garbage, looking for the Amy's box.

by Anonymousreply 49June 23, 2022 12:41 AM

I'm Kelly's ex Kim (no, not THAT Kim, the other Kim), who shows up with her new girlfriend Kiala even though she knows both Kelly and the other Kim have had turbulent relationships with Kiala and cannot stand her.

Drama to ensue in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ...

by Anonymousreply 50June 23, 2022 12:42 AM

I'm all the accumulated body hair that clogging the filters.

by Anonymousreply 51June 23, 2022 12:44 AM

I'm the neighbor who comes by to say, "Hey, can the owner of the Subaru Forrester move it, please? You're blocking my driveway."

Twelve women look up.

by Anonymousreply 52June 23, 2022 12:44 AM

I'm the endless packs of Marlboro Reds found sitting on all the tables.

by Anonymousreply 53June 23, 2022 12:47 AM

I'm the "Remember your cane is NOT a flotation device" signs, with their invocation of last year's tragedy.

by Anonymousreply 54June 23, 2022 12:51 AM

I'm the "str8" girl that came for the progressive selfies. I'm still hip, I'm still cool.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 55June 23, 2022 12:59 AM

I'm the only black lesbian here.. I have to keep reminding people that me and my partner are the same age. There would be more black lesbians here but they think they get too stereotyped by the white lesbians and thought it was gaslighting by making it a pool party because supposedly black people can't swim. Yet me and my ashy elbows have been playing waterpolo all night.

by Anonymousreply 56June 23, 2022 1:02 AM

I'm the sudden quiet as the yelling of the hostesses fighting inside the house becomes so loud it can no longer be ignored. I only last a few seconds, then the guests get back to their drinking, smoking, eating, and talking.

by Anonymousreply 57June 23, 2022 1:07 AM

I'm 'How dare you!' and 'What's that supposed to mean?' I will be heard early and often

by Anonymousreply 58June 23, 2022 5:59 AM

I’m the assortment of vaginas that will have gotten wet for the first time in at least 15 years- without the use of a 2 x 4

by Anonymousreply 59June 23, 2022 6:30 AM

I'm the inevitable E.coli outbreak that results from the filthy pool water contaminating food and drink after elderlez does a cannonball jump.

by Anonymousreply 60June 23, 2022 4:24 PM

[quote] [R28] is a lesbian.

You can tell by the entrenched inability to take a joke.

"That's not funny!"

by Anonymousreply 61June 23, 2022 4:31 PM

I'm the nutloaf that somehow got stuck in the pool filter. Luckily, MoJo works for Bilitis Detritis- a lesbian-owned pool service- and the matter was dealt with in a timely manner.

by Anonymousreply 62June 23, 2022 4:36 PM

I'm the fish fingers that everyone had but no one ate

by Anonymousreply 63June 23, 2022 4:46 PM

I am the staking out of spots and barely budging from them all evening.

A casual observer might attribute me to laziness, or the difficulty of navigating over uneven tiling with canes.

The real reason is because every gal at this party is trying to avoid at least 3 exes. Staying put minimizes the chances of rage, outbursts, and boundary violations.

by Anonymousreply 64June 23, 2022 4:47 PM

I am the cute baby dyke's unsuccessful petitioning to play some girl in red, or Tegan and Sara.

Etheridge, Chapman, Lang, and Indigo Girls it is, then. Again.

by Anonymousreply 65June 23, 2022 4:50 PM

I'm the crane that was brought in to get that one woman, you know who you are, that everybody pressured into getting into the pool but not even fifteen burly butches, four ftm and one long suspected mtf was able to get out.

by Anonymousreply 66June 23, 2022 4:53 PM

I'm the caftans, board shorts and crocs.

by Anonymousreply 67June 23, 2022 4:55 PM

I'm Jeff, the elderly gay neighbour, who screams over the fence, caftan flapping in the wind: "Play some passable music, or I'm calling the cops!"

Fifteen minutes later he really calls 911, sobbing.

by Anonymousreply 68June 23, 2022 4:59 PM

I'm the united nations of adoptees, test tubes and turkey basters. Madonna ain't got nothing on us.

by Anonymousreply 69June 23, 2022 5:01 PM

I'm the ElderLez wishing I went with the Bears this weekend, imagining I would be entertaining a faghag right now than making the mistake of getting in a pool of failed abortions with bladder control problems.

by Anonymousreply 70June 23, 2022 5:06 PM

I'm the vegan hot dog that the cook handles as if it were radioactive material and worries about it contaminating her grill.

by Anonymousreply 71June 23, 2022 5:18 PM

I'm the afternoon talent(less) show and couple games because what would a lesbian event be without one?

I'm also the conscious uncouplings as a result of losing the mock newly weds game.

by Anonymousreply 72June 23, 2022 5:23 PM

I'm the 65 year old teenage boy known as Phranc.. I'm like a leprechaun, if you spot me, you'll have good luck! If you catch me, I'll give you a special deal on tupperware! Tupperware is versatile and handy, you can use it for all sorts of things.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 73June 23, 2022 5:31 PM

I’m some weird salad with ingredients no one has ever heard of and I’m amazingly good. (My secret is actually full-fat mayonnaise and a lot of salt. Don’t tell!)

by Anonymousreply 74June 23, 2022 5:33 PM

Well give us the recipe then, R74!

by Anonymousreply 75June 23, 2022 5:36 PM

I'm the mini-stroke one lez had after the show 'n' tell when the conversation had turned to piercings...I thought I had seen it all but now I'm just really confused and spend the next few hours with my head cocked to the side, mouth open and attempting to say something but nothing comes out as I keep trying to process what I've seen.

by Anonymousreply 76June 23, 2022 5:40 PM

I'm your current girlfriend that popped in the house for 45 minutes to use the restroom, because I guess I really had to go, you think nothing of it even when I come back smelling like the hostess. But after spending that much time in the can, I probably just used her lotions. Smells kind of nice. You'll ask her where she bought it later... and regret it.

by Anonymousreply 77June 23, 2022 5:44 PM

I'm the rumor making its way around at the party. I heard Elder Lez and Big Jen are fingering each other in the hot tub.

by Anonymousreply 78June 23, 2022 6:27 PM

LOL, R44!

by Anonymousreply 79June 23, 2022 6:40 PM

I'm the reality that no one wants to think about of Elder Lez and Big Jen just getting older and prone to accidental discharges every time they sneeze, laugh or fart. It's nicer to think even at their age, it's all just finger banging than having as much interest in sagging meat flaps as men... besides Big Jen's belly is so big, she'd need two other gals to hold it up and two more to pry her vag to side to find her long neglected clit. That shit is so buried the last time she got a pap smear, they asked if she was circumcised.

by Anonymousreply 80June 23, 2022 6:54 PM

I'm the big pile with Big Jen's pit-stained and skidmarked clothes.

by Anonymousreply 81June 23, 2022 7:00 PM

The broken beer glasses in the inevitable skuffle.

by Anonymousreply 82June 23, 2022 7:24 PM

I’m the palpable tension created by the twin toddlers running around shrieking even though the email was clear that children were not invited. Deb and Jess bringing Maya and Toni shows a complete lack of boundaries and no consideration for everyone else here. Unbelievable.

The live Indigo Girls version of “Ghost” in the background can’t even placate me.

by Anonymousreply 83June 23, 2022 7:27 PM

I'm the slightly too pretty, too made-up, yet somehow too butch guest. No one's sure who invited me. I get the side-eye from a lot of women, until Marge, in a conference klatch, comes out with the words: "I think Anastasia is a man." Bets takes up the challenge and goes over for a closer look and some quizzing about biographical details, hoping to find clues.

Anastasia answers a few questions pleasantly, vaguely, then has a sudden headache and has to leave in haste.

by Anonymousreply 84June 23, 2022 7:33 PM

You can't have a lesbian at a pool party.

by Anonymousreply 85June 23, 2022 7:34 PM

I'm Babe's postprandial Robusto cigar. I'm lit with expansive satisfaction as Babe sprawls barefoot in a vinyl lounge chair, watching as the sun sets and the pool lights go on.

Tobacco smoke triggers Mel's fibro. She coughs pointedly and shoots Babe a look. Fortunately, Kat notices the scowl before Babe does, and hurriedly grabs Mel and hustles her away.

It was Mel's first time at the June pool party. She couldn't have known. But she knows now.

by Anonymousreply 86June 23, 2022 9:03 PM

As the sun sets and fireflies begin to sparkle on tehse warm humid nights, I'll be the avenging fire dancer that tortures all the newly minted baby dykes, targeting the most nervous boi and lights her cigarette in a William Tell kind of way, She'll have nightmares and fantasies for weeks to come.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 87June 23, 2022 9:14 PM

I’m the Ani Defranco CDs that were left out too long in the sun poolside and have warped!

by Anonymousreply 88June 23, 2022 9:18 PM

I'm the absence of sexy bikinis. It's all water socks, sun-protecting t-shirts and oversized boardshorts.

by Anonymousreply 89June 23, 2022 9:36 PM

I'm the "Walking Tacos" being served and causing all the flatulence. I'm a bag of Fritos, with Gringo White Boy Taco meat, hot sauce, and a plastic spoon.

by Anonymousreply 90June 23, 2022 9:42 PM

That would be telling, R75, but let me assure you that each of my grains of salt was transported down the Himalayan mountain range by its own individual yak, to a Cambodian monastery, where it was ceremonially lifted onto a coracle which was rowed by a monk, to Portland.

by Anonymousreply 91June 23, 2022 9:47 PM

I'm Roseanna, the 48 year-old bottle blonde with borderline disorder who dresses like a Lolita complete with heart-shaped sunglasses, laughs too loud and revels in the attention from all the lesbians although I'm completely straight myself. I'll end up starfishing for ElderLez because I need to be the sexy center of attention at all times.

by Anonymousreply 92June 23, 2022 9:58 PM

I’m Che Diaz. The lesbians think I’m full of shit with my special snowflake “non-binary” (whatever the f that is) identity and kicked me out of the party.

by Anonymousreply 93June 23, 2022 10:05 PM

I'm the adopted pitbull mix peeing in the pool.

by Anonymousreply 94June 23, 2022 10:05 PM

I’m the lesbian on DL reading this and finding it quite offensive thank you very much. We helped you boys out during the AIDS crisis and all you do now is mock us and call us fat and ugly. Let’s see who helps out when monkeypox gets you all. Won’t be me and my sisters that’s for GODDAMN SURE.

by Anonymousreply 95June 23, 2022 10:11 PM

I'm the group singalong to "Fast Car" when Deb gets her acoustic guitar out of the Subaru Forrester.

by Anonymousreply 96June 23, 2022 10:13 PM

I'm r95, screaming with angry power!

by Anonymousreply 97June 23, 2022 10:14 PM

I'm Lance, the lanky, geeky bespectacled bloke Mel brought. I lie telling everyone I'm gay, then get squiffy and hit on all the young lezbeans.

by Anonymousreply 98June 23, 2022 10:15 PM

I'm the BBQ hotdogs.....I remind the lesbians of something they can't quite put their finger on ; )

by Anonymousreply 99June 23, 2022 10:16 PM

[quote] Let’s see who helps out when monkeypox gets you all.

1) The strain of monkeypox that's been going around (and there have only been 80 cases in the last month in the US) is not fatal.

2) Monkeypox is not a pandemic.

We find your threats as underwhelming as your fashion sense.

by Anonymousreply 100June 23, 2022 10:22 PM

I'm the one who has gotten stuck in a buoy. I will be launching into a angry rant about the patriarchy as soon as I get out of this thing.

by Anonymousreply 101June 23, 2022 10:24 PM

Oh don't worry, r100. Some other disease will pop up for you. It's only a matter of time.

by Anonymousreply 102June 23, 2022 10:25 PM

I'm R95, pissed that no lesbians have appeared to protest about his stupid thread so I can tell them haughtily how humorless they are. I make my own lil fantasy post come true 👍

by Anonymousreply 103June 23, 2022 10:33 PM

r102, you're already clearly down with a fatal case of cuntiness. Prognosis: negative, I'm afraid.

by Anonymousreply 104June 23, 2022 10:54 PM

Lmao r100 😂

by Anonymousreply 105June 23, 2022 11:07 PM

This is Dl, R104, home of pointless bitchery. So wouldn't a fatal case of cuntiness be prognosis positive?

by Anonymousreply 106June 23, 2022 11:14 PM

I'm the cooler full of Coors Light and Miller Genuine Draft.

by Anonymousreply 107June 23, 2022 11:19 PM

I am the transbian coworker of Gwen, the host of the party. I wasn't invited, but I know about the party. I bought a bikini in hopes of being invited. I am posting angry messages on Twitter about my TERF co-worker, and her TERF friends. I would post her address on Twitter if I knew what it was.

All of my friends on Twitter are telling me how beautiful I am to make me feel better.

by Anonymousreply 108June 23, 2022 11:23 PM

Bitchery =/= cuntiness, I'm afraid.

by Anonymousreply 109June 23, 2022 11:37 PM

Does everyone know each other?

Kat and Barb, meet Deb.

Fran, meet Liz and Mo.

Liz, Mo and Deb, meet Deb.

Deb, Deb and Kat, meet Roz.

Oh look! Pam and Sara are here. I’ll make the introductions.

I hope we have enough Miller Lite.

by Anonymousreply 110June 23, 2022 11:48 PM

I'm Deb, screaming "ouch" every time Kath takes a bite of a hot dog

by Anonymousreply 111June 24, 2022 12:00 AM

R110 Don’t forget Cath!

by Anonymousreply 112June 24, 2022 12:09 AM

Never mind, r110: we're all ex-girlfriends, every one of us.

by Anonymousreply 113June 24, 2022 12:34 AM

I am Significant Looks exchanged between Kat and Babs when Melissa Etheridge sings the line, "tell me does she WANT you, infatuate and HAUNT you?"

Both of them are coupled. But they'll be re-coupled by the end of the party.

by Anonymousreply 114June 24, 2022 12:46 AM

I’m the hours upon hours of processing that go on following the pool party.

by Anonymousreply 115June 24, 2022 2:16 AM

I'm Deb asking, "Did anyone lose a ring of keys connected to a carabiner?"

Fourteen women look up.

by Anonymousreply 116June 24, 2022 2:41 AM

I’m the Bud Lite

by Anonymousreply 117June 24, 2022 2:44 AM

I'm R80. I'm witless, and such an effeminate loathesome queen that I mistake being a cunt for being funny. I know all about discharge as my prolapsed anus is going through its fifth bout of chlamydia in three years.

by Anonymousreply 118June 24, 2022 3:11 AM

I’m the ping pong table.

by Anonymousreply 119June 24, 2022 3:17 AM

I'm the flannel worn by Candice inside the pool.

by Anonymousreply 120June 24, 2022 3:23 AM

I'm a blurry blue 40-year-old labrys tattoo on a sunburned tit.

by Anonymousreply 121June 24, 2022 4:22 AM

R62 is the winner.

by Anonymousreply 122June 24, 2022 5:11 AM

I’m the trap shooting competition off the back deck (which Denise built herself).

by Anonymousreply 123June 24, 2022 5:50 AM

I'm Denise. There's always 1 of me at every lesbian gathering.

by Anonymousreply 124June 24, 2022 6:04 AM

I'm the ability to fuck without any real fear of HIV or Monkeypox and no need for PrEP or condoms. I'm also the jealous, lonely old gay male neighbor, who is over at age 36, looking at the party with women of all ages and sizes enjoying themselves knowing I will never experience anything like that and hating them for that instead of the men I should be hating for being so focused only on youth and looks.

by Anonymousreply 125June 24, 2022 6:26 AM

I’m the shared dildo to be used for the post swimming orgy.

by Anonymousreply 126June 24, 2022 6:30 AM

R126 has never met a lesbian. We are not gay men, dear.

by Anonymousreply 127June 24, 2022 6:33 AM

^ I am the Melissa Etheridge soundtrack that gets played during said lesbian orgy.

by Anonymousreply 128June 24, 2022 6:37 AM

R127 is correct. Lesbians believe sex is LITERAL VIOLENCE!

by Anonymousreply 129June 24, 2022 6:37 AM

r125 if you can call what they do fucking. Also lesbians can get crabs. So there.

by Anonymousreply 130June 24, 2022 6:39 AM

I am the overwhelming smell reminiscent of the local fishery…

by Anonymousreply 131June 24, 2022 6:39 AM

I’m the talk of the heat and how Hillary would’ve solved climate change.

I’m also the lineup of huge SUVs outside, lest anyone on the roads thought we had a small pussy.

by Anonymousreply 132June 24, 2022 6:40 AM

I love when posters like r125 come in and throws this entire sexist AND homophobic thread on its head. I know some people are bothered.

by Anonymousreply 133June 24, 2022 6:49 AM

I'm Karen and I'm too weak to get in the pool, so, I sit on the sidelines sucking on crushed ice and imagining the hayday of my life because I have cervical cancer from once believing lesbians were immune from stds. Well, I still believe lesbians are immune. I'm convinced that one of the women I slept with was actually bi.

by Anonymousreply 134June 24, 2022 6:50 AM

I'm the female sumo tits and ass (keijo!) wrestling match that is shutdown because the anti-sex womynists keep screaming we're supporting the patriarchy and only catering to the male gaze... despite being a space completely free of men.

by Anonymousreply 135June 24, 2022 6:57 AM

I'm the overwhelming stench of axe body spray, the sight of sagging pants with exposed boxer briefs and cracking voice that leaves you questioning is it a babydyke, a ftm or somebody's teenage son?

by Anonymousreply 136June 24, 2022 7:01 AM

I'm the rare lipstick lesbian that everyone is supicious of.. because I have huge tits (and I'm not butch), I have a feminine name (and I'm not butch), I have a feminine voice (and I'm not butch.) etc

by Anonymousreply 137June 24, 2022 7:06 AM

I'm that one chick, with ten kids at home, that stops to express milk every five minutes in the middle of a conversation.... despite her youngest being fourteen years old. I'm also the scent of patchouli oil, apple cider vinegar and marijuana. You only put up with me because I always share the good stuff and bring enough for everyone...

by Anonymousreply 138June 24, 2022 7:14 AM

We're the coterie of ElderLez that have been banished to garage for our cigars, being too crass, too loud and the only water sports we play is in the bedroom.. so we're happy to be in the garage watching men's sports than listening to our nagging, ragging spouses that we're still attracted and devoted to - lesbian bed death is a myth! - but these relationships have survived by spending as little time together as possible. They have their interests, we have ours and it's all for the better. But when I'm on my death bed or she's on hers, we'll reminisce as long as it takes for that long goodnight.

by Anonymousreply 139June 24, 2022 7:24 AM

I'm the butch that is running back and forth with her hands in the air, screaming in high pitch squeals as a wasp seemingly chases her from place to place. Her girlfriend doesn't move from poolside, where she rolls her eyes with her mates, saying "And she calls herself the butch one"

by Anonymousreply 140June 24, 2022 7:26 AM

I’m the rules: no diving, no horseplay, no violating boundaries, no body shaming, no Crocs in pool area…

I’d go on but we’d be here all day.

by Anonymousreply 141June 24, 2022 8:36 AM

r141 Which one of you bitches let this slip out? *holds up tampon*

Don't wear them in pool.

No. Just don't wear them.

Do you know how many women have died from toxic shock syndrome?

This is a tool of the toxic patriarchy and their fear of the power of woman, the lifeblood of humanity, the cunt that gave them life and they since the dawn of time have tried to control, to mutilate, to cover up in their shame, in their hatred of this divine nurturer of the earth.

We should all bleed freely!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 142June 24, 2022 8:43 AM

I'm the synchronized swimming with mermaid tails that make them look more like manatees caught in an oil spill. The Sierra Club is holding a vigil on the front lawn.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 143June 24, 2022 10:01 AM

I’m the severe allergic reaction to a pool cleaning chemical. This leads someone to shout ‘Is there a doctor present?’ and one womyn to confidently step forward and announce she has a PhD in Gender Studies and it is just as valid a medical doctorate. An argument ensues as skin peels off in the background.

by Anonymousreply 144June 24, 2022 10:46 AM

I am this picture on 3 tshirts

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 145June 24, 2022 10:51 AM

I'm the big dick and balls-shaped piñata. I'm filled with pussy pops and titty snacks.

by Anonymousreply 146June 24, 2022 10:52 AM

I haven’t laughed this hard in weeks. Thank you.

by Anonymousreply 147June 24, 2022 11:07 AM

I'm the hostess's meemaw that crashed the party shouting LesBiFriends!!! to the hostess's mortified embarassment. The hostess will later die of this condition after granny starts doing jello shots off the tight abs of her crush.

by Anonymousreply 148June 24, 2022 11:25 AM

I am "I don't care what she meant to you, Martina was never as good as Chris".

by Anonymousreply 149June 24, 2022 11:31 AM

BLASPHEMY, R149!!!

by Anonymousreply 150June 24, 2022 11:33 AM

Go tend to your anal warts, r130.

by Anonymousreply 151June 24, 2022 11:35 AM

I'm the triggered "political" lesbian aka the real true lesbian because I choose to live free of men.. I will not lower myself to these hedonistic displays that show the corruption and influence of the powerful gaytriarchy on lesbian culture.. all these girls running around like prostitution whores. Save yourselves sisters, recommit yourself to radical feminism escape the tyranny of penetration and toxic masculinity. Stop engaging in this debasement of yourselves by giving into animal lust, you fiends! repent! repent! repent!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 152June 24, 2022 11:51 AM

I'm the door prize, a Cuntomatic 3000 vibrator. I have 16 speeds, 7 directions, and 12 interchangeable vibrating heads. Requires a car battery, which is not included.

by Anonymousreply 153June 24, 2022 12:30 PM

I'm the general alarm that's raised when a sickly bluish-purple streak appears in the pool. Several of the systren recoil in alarm at the possible sinister chemicals that may have touched their skin, aggravating cases of eczema, arthritis, and fibro. "I don't have the spoons for this!," one syster cries in despair.

The crisis is averted when Dez reappears from inside the cabana, where she'd been canoodling with Jess, both of them slick with pool water. Dez' hair, once proudly violet, has faded to a wan suggestion of fuchsia.

Big Mel breaks the tension with a belly laugh. "Too commitment-phobic to use permanent dye, Dez?" she taunts.

by Anonymousreply 154June 24, 2022 12:43 PM

I’m the 36 year old gay male neighbor watching over the fence. I can’t believe these women and their swim attire (so many board shorts) and how loud the Melissa Etheridge is blasting. There are a lot of mixed breed dogs running around the pool and a couple of unkempt toddlers making noise. The whole thing is a mess. I shudder a bit watching an overweight woman with very hairy armpits inhale a burger. I figure that’s my cue to leave them all be.

I go inside to my sweet husband and and we laugh about it. Then we order some delivery, feed our two cats and watch Hacks.

So very sad indeed.

by Anonymousreply 155June 24, 2022 1:10 PM

I'm the tinderbox dry unmown lawn. If anyone tips over that sandlewood incense I could prove fatal.

by Anonymousreply 156June 24, 2022 1:10 PM

R155 Oh stop, I know you really wanted Walking Tacos, Mayonnaise Mystery Salad, and BBQ Hot Dogs instead of whatever you had delivered.

by Anonymousreply 157June 24, 2022 1:16 PM

I'm the torrid waves in the pool as the gals shimmy along to U And Ur Hand by Pink.

by Anonymousreply 158June 24, 2022 1:21 PM

I’m the word “lipstick” and I should have been inserted into r13 reply.

by Anonymousreply 159June 24, 2022 1:33 PM

I've come dressed in my navy blues hoping to score... but it seems everyone else had the same idea and now we just look like a deranged costume party or a lesbian uniform fetish video. Ms. UPS can deliver me her package, anytime!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 160June 24, 2022 1:41 PM

I’m the Tasmanian Devil tattoos.

by Anonymousreply 161June 24, 2022 1:42 PM

I'm the Lynchburg Lemonade served in red Solo cups.

by Anonymousreply 162June 24, 2022 1:44 PM

I'm the endless supply of queefs making bubbles in the hot tub.

by Anonymousreply 163June 24, 2022 1:47 PM

I'm the lesbian neighbors shaking their heads iwith a mix of pity and disdain, sighing she'll never find a good woman at this rate... as the amazonian goddness next door decided to host a pool PARTY with just men because she's going through the so, over dyke drama phase. She still eats out every other night but she'd rather hang with the boys than be someone's toy. Marriage is so 2015.

by Anonymousreply 164June 24, 2022 2:00 PM

[quote]I am the Melissa Etheridge soundtrack that gets played during said lesbian orgy.

I’m the musical theater queen reading this thread who absolutely cannot stand the misuse of the word soundtrack.

by Anonymousreply 165June 24, 2022 2:03 PM

I’m the unspoken rule that no one is to look at Little Ann when she struggles to hoist herself onto a floatation device. We all remember what happened in 1992 when one of the gals offered to hold the float steady for her.

by Anonymousreply 166June 24, 2022 2:10 PM

I’m the drone buzzing above this gathering. I am operated by two 14 year old boys who live down the street. The video will be posted in a few hours with some classic, teenage boy humor, interlaced with risqué and offensive songs, such as “Pour Some Sugar on Me”.

In response, I am Madge about to pull out her concealed gun and shoot that thing down in one shot, over her shoulder from behind, with a Marlboro hanging out of her lips and a Natty Light in her left hand.

by Anonymousreply 167June 24, 2022 2:39 PM

I'm the news coming straight down the wire that Roe v Wade has been overturned. The gals are now all competing to see who can be the most outraged.

by Anonymousreply 168June 24, 2022 2:43 PM

I’m the pack of kosher franks wondering who will use me next 😔😔😔

by Anonymousreply 169June 24, 2022 3:21 PM

I'm Rhonda, the one with the mysterious bulge in my bikini bottoms.

by Anonymousreply 170June 24, 2022 3:41 PM

I'm Rhonda's swollen vagina. She just thought she'd come out to the party to relax, after being told I might be stress related... it will be another year before she discovers she developed a spontaneous allergic reaction to the steel barbell in her piercing she's had for more years than she cares to count..

by Anonymousreply 171June 24, 2022 3:50 PM

I'm the militant that has confiscated the pool to reduce compilations fo the long line of desperate women and girls that followed me here. So, I've the pool, gloves, a coat hanger, a copy of Enya's greatest hits, do I need anything else? Ah, yes, a pitchfork and a wood chipper., The compost is going to be great this season!

by Anonymousreply 172June 24, 2022 3:56 PM

I’m all of the rainbow flags and “COEXIST” bumper stickers on the Subarus out front.

by Anonymousreply 173June 24, 2022 5:49 PM

I'm Sal. I mention to Bev that I should get home to feed and walk RBG, my rescue Dalmation mix. "I certainly hope you're going to rename her now," Bev snaps. Sal snarls, "Why? Because she didn't obey orders like a good little lady? Because she didn't bow and scrape before the will of some man who told her to get back into the kitchen?"

Emotions are raw and tempers flare almost immediately as others join in. Two patio chairs, a citronella candle, a plastic bowl with chip remnants, and 3 bottles of Coors are sacrificed in the ensuing fracas.

Jeff, the gay neighbor, is frightened and picks up the phone to call the police, but his emotions overcome him as he watches MSNBC on mute. Let them rage, he thinks. Let the women rage.

by Anonymousreply 174June 24, 2022 6:00 PM

^ Pure poetry!

by Anonymousreply 175June 24, 2022 6:16 PM

God this thread is good. Bright spot of this entire dreadful day.

by Anonymousreply 176June 24, 2022 7:07 PM

I’m the clam dip double entendre that several guests have made (to no one’s amusement of course).

by Anonymousreply 177June 24, 2022 7:19 PM

I’m r178 just here to say I absolutely LOVE the “Let’s be lesbian…” threads.

The classic Lesbian Thanksgiving had me in stitches for days. Thanks, OP!

by Anonymousreply 178June 24, 2022 7:55 PM

Let’s be lesbian Thanksgiving was the first thread I ever read on DataLounge

by Anonymousreply 179June 24, 2022 10:00 PM

I'm fairly new to DL. Do all these "Let's be a Lesbian" threads always attract one or two lesbians claiming to be offended?

by Anonymousreply 180June 24, 2022 11:32 PM

I'm the stringent cleaning solution required to sanitize the hot tub after Big Jen and Elder Lez explore each other's holes.

by Anonymousreply 181June 24, 2022 11:38 PM

R180...you are SO new to DL. Bless your heart.

by Anonymousreply 182June 25, 2022 12:02 AM

I’m the squirrel that frightens Denise to death.

by Anonymousreply 183June 25, 2022 12:15 AM

I'm the Dreamcatchers hanging from every rear-view mirror, of every Toyota or Honda, parked on the street!

by Anonymousreply 184June 25, 2022 12:16 AM

I'm picturing R180 emerging from his hollowed out tree for the first time and seeing the world with his big Bambi eyes.

by Anonymousreply 185June 25, 2022 1:11 AM

I'm Trish, who stands on the diving board and yells, "Roe protest starting downtown! Anyone who wants to go with me, I have room in my Forrester!"

by Anonymousreply 186June 25, 2022 4:25 AM

Like a lesbian would ever want an abortion. They spend so much time and energy and money trying to subvert the natural pregnancy process.

by Anonymousreply 187June 25, 2022 8:56 AM

R187 😯😯😯

by Anonymousreply 188June 25, 2022 9:23 AM

I'm the trans man dark secret showing up at the door dressed as a cowboy and asking multiple dykes for minty

by Anonymousreply 189June 25, 2022 9:30 AM

*money

by Anonymousreply 190June 25, 2022 9:30 AM

I’m the copious amounts of cellulite practically winking at you.

by Anonymousreply 191June 25, 2022 11:13 AM

I am a wallet on a chain attached to a caribiner that has been jerry rigged into a bathing suit by poking holes in the side of it

by Anonymousreply 192June 25, 2022 4:01 PM

I'm the Levi's "jorts"!

by Anonymousreply 193June 25, 2022 4:08 PM

I’m this

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 194June 25, 2022 5:05 PM

I'm the murky water drifting back halfway through the day, due to the filter very quickly becoming clogged with body hair.

by Anonymousreply 195June 25, 2022 6:58 PM

I'm the Trump douche sunglasses on half the ladies present.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 196June 25, 2022 7:02 PM

I'm the flannel one-piece swimsuit.

by Anonymousreply 197June 25, 2022 7:03 PM

I'm water displacement from the many tightly packed 300 pounders in the pool.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 198June 25, 2022 8:15 PM

I’m the broken concrete stairs into the pool, largely due to the same.

by Anonymousreply 199June 25, 2022 10:29 PM

I'm DL's lone gay male subscriber. I am unaware that everybody else who writes here is either a woman or a straight man.

I wrote 90% of the posts in this thread.

by Anonymousreply 200June 25, 2022 10:39 PM

R51 and R195 must be one of those plucked chicken gay men with waxed eyebrows. Otherwise, you have way more body hair than any woman.

by Anonymousreply 201June 26, 2022 2:18 AM

I’m Dawn. As the elder Lez who has seen a thing or two, I settle all disputes amongst the girls, and my judgement is strictly enforced amongst the group. I listen to both sides of the argument while I float in a floatation device while sipping a Bud Light

by Anonymousreply 202June 26, 2022 2:21 AM

I'm the chat about soccer and football.

by Anonymousreply 203June 26, 2022 2:45 AM

R202 love those dykes

by Anonymousreply 204June 26, 2022 4:38 AM

I'm Dawn's firm 'now, now' when she senses things are getting heated among some of the scrappy baby dykes.

by Anonymousreply 205June 26, 2022 10:43 AM

So Dawn is basically everyone's Mom?

by Anonymousreply 206June 26, 2022 10:47 AM

Lesbian only spaces follow a hierarchical social structure; the older you are the more respect you are due.

Lesbian only spaces are highly conformist and and collectivist: The 'Dawn type' lesbian will basically act as a sheepdog to a flock patrolling the socially acceptable boundaries.

by Anonymousreply 207June 26, 2022 10:52 AM

I'm an empty plastic kombucha bottle.

I'm in the paper recycling can.

Kay just spotted me. Oh, fuck, she's grabbing me and storming outside to find out who put me there and why, and how DARE they disregard the rules and boundaries of this house.

I have a feeling I'm gonna get thrown.

by Anonymousreply 208June 26, 2022 10:50 PM

I’m Megan, hijacking the Bluetooth connection to the speakers and forcing everyone to listen to songs her dad loved on a Spotify playlist called “RIP Dad”.

by Anonymousreply 209June 26, 2022 11:02 PM

I’m the broken diving board. The last thing I saw was a sunflower tattoo on a cankle.

by Anonymousreply 210June 26, 2022 11:33 PM
Loading
Need more help? Click Here.

Yes indeed, we too use "cookies." Take a look at our privacy/terms or if you just want to see the damn site without all this bureaucratic nonsense, click ACCEPT. Otherwise, you'll just have to find some other site for your pointless bitchery needs.

×

Become a contributor - post when you want with no ads!