Do masculine gay men still go out to gay bars? At least in NYC
Serious question. I went out in Chelsea (Rebar.. the old G Lounge) and Hell’s Kitchen (Rise / Industry) on Fri., and legit 3/4 of everyone looked either pre- or mid-transition.
Is it just a generational thing? (Mid 30s / older millennial here). While the bars always had a good # of fem and twinkish types during my heydays of the late 2000s and early to mid 2010s, I don’t remember it being THAT many.
by Anonymous | reply 95 | September 16, 2022 6:00 PM
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I went to a gay bar one time, now I feel content to make generalizations about all gays!
by Anonymous | reply 1 | June 5, 2022 7:49 PM
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3 Dollar Bill in BK is nothing like you describe. I think it’s you, OP.
by Anonymous | reply 2 | June 5, 2022 7:53 PM
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R2, I don’t venture to out to the slums of the city. You type poor and Section 8.
by Anonymous | reply 3 | June 5, 2022 7:55 PM
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Wow, typed like 64 year old retired shop bottom clinging onto his shitty walkup studio apt.
by Anonymous | reply 4 | June 5, 2022 7:57 PM
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3 dollar bill?? lmao. Some of the gayest / Gen Z / babybopper types I know go there.
by Anonymous | reply 5 | June 5, 2022 7:57 PM
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Should’ve also added gender-fluid*
by Anonymous | reply 6 | June 5, 2022 7:58 PM
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R5 You may “know” them, but they’d never speak to you - there or anywhere else you scurry.
by Anonymous | reply 7 | June 5, 2022 8:01 PM
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R7 = R1, R2, R4, R7. Jesus. What about this post triggered you so badly?
by Anonymous | reply 8 | June 5, 2022 8:16 PM
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Can't speak for r7 but I have always hated the Masculinity Police. OP are you sure you're not from Oklahoma?
by Anonymous | reply 9 | June 5, 2022 10:38 PM
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No, R9. Born and raised East Coast.
by Anonymous | reply 11 | June 5, 2022 11:19 PM
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Thnx R10. Haven’t been in a while but seems Eagle has become increasingly more mainstream last few years. Used to be (2010s) grungier and attract a bearish / S&Mish type crowd. Curious to see what it’s like now.
by Anonymous | reply 12 | June 5, 2022 11:21 PM
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Ah the "east coast". You're probably from somewhere really poor r11. That would explain the snobby "I only drink in MANHATTAN" posturing. You're probably not as butch as you think you are.
by Anonymous | reply 13 | June 5, 2022 11:34 PM
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Lol. Over dramatic and hysterical fem has returned at R13. Chill out and take a Midol. Breathe. You will get through this post. I Promise.
by Anonymous | reply 14 | June 5, 2022 11:38 PM
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Nope, not fem r14. If you saw me you'd think I was a sloppy badly-dressed straight guy. I just hate people who police the masculinity of others. It's very boring to me. I'm sorry your pappy threw jack daniels bottles at your head when you asked to join the dance team. Don't make that the world's problem.
by Anonymous | reply 16 | June 5, 2022 11:43 PM
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😂🤣🤣😂
[quote] sorry your pappy threw jack daniels bottles at your head
🤣😂🤣😂
by Anonymous | reply 17 | June 5, 2022 11:52 PM
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These Russian bots posting multiple “where are the masculine gays” threads constantly are beyond stupid. Embarrassed for you.
by Anonymous | reply 18 | June 5, 2022 11:57 PM
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R16, please provide an example of where masculinity was being “policed”.
by Anonymous | reply 19 | June 6, 2022 12:18 AM
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R16, also, you are very obviously bitter and triggered that I asked a simple question. Based on your hysterical responses and “policing masculinity” nonsense, you aren’t fooling anyone with the “sloppy badly-dressed straight guy” description. Lolol
by Anonymous | reply 20 | June 6, 2022 12:21 AM
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OP is right, and the triggered responses of all these people prove his point.
Men in the gay world HAVE gotten femmier and femmier as the years have passed, and the NYC crowd is as feminine as ever.
I think it’s because gay culture has become so mainstreamed there are so many messages as to “how” to be gay: and the young gay men are taught as teens at this point to flame it up.
Masc, secure, chill gay men are a rarity, which is why they’re so sought after.
by Anonymous | reply 21 | June 6, 2022 12:23 AM
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Why does this question threaten and trigger you so much, dear R16? Hopefully you haven’t passed out from all the hyperventilating. 😕
by Anonymous | reply 22 | June 6, 2022 12:23 AM
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I blame Marc Jacobs. His feminine fragrances smell better than his men's and queens do get entranced.
by Anonymous | reply 24 | June 6, 2022 12:33 AM
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I hear the most paint-removing shrill, nasal gay upspeak voices from gays on the street. It seems like younger gay guys, I mean "queers" really are very nelly. It's all the rage. Do all these bottoms have to get into catfights with all the other bottoms to find a top?
by Anonymous | reply 25 | June 6, 2022 12:59 AM
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Good question R25. So if being very nelly is all the rage these days… then why do so many of these same nelly “queers” go bananas when the rare masc type dude bro gives them a millisecond of attention? wouldn’t you think that they wish to embody the same characteristics of men that they ultimately desire? What am I missing here?
by Anonymous | reply 27 | June 6, 2022 1:10 AM
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Occam's Razor OP: Now that straight people under 40 are not reflexively homophobic, the guys you are looking for avoid "The Gay Scene" and rely on Grindr and other apps for casual sex
Happens with all other ethnic groups too-- as acceptance grows, th ghetto becomes much more ghetto
by Anonymous | reply 28 | June 6, 2022 1:18 AM
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I’m 68 and gay men are not more or less feminine or masculine now as opposed to the 1970s, 1980s, 1990s or 2000’s. Rather the OP is full of shit- doesn’t like genuine gay men. Go pick up closeted men in the Oak room OP, where you belong.
by Anonymous | reply 29 | June 6, 2022 1:50 AM
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Easier to find sex on the apps.
by Anonymous | reply 30 | June 6, 2022 1:57 AM
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Doesn’t like feminine gay men- sorry for autocorrect.
by Anonymous | reply 31 | June 6, 2022 2:02 AM
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R28, great point. I’ve strongly suspected this too. I’ve realized that the hottest and most masculine guys I’ve hooked up with the last few years have been almost entirely from the apps. annoying as I’ve actually always preferred finding them in the bars. It is what it is I guess.
R29, with all due respect - given your age, you’re really in no position to opine on this lol sorry.
by Anonymous | reply 32 | June 6, 2022 2:05 AM
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The average homo you see at any given gay bar now in 2022 is definitely more feminine-looking than what you would’ve seen 10 (hell I’d even say 5) years ago. At least in NYC.
I don’t know what world you’re living in R29, but if you really believe what you’ve typed, then you either don’t go out much now or are just extremely out of touch.
by Anonymous | reply 33 | June 6, 2022 2:08 AM
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So the people here ignorant of real social science and the dynamics of the gay experience merely are here to cherry-pick responses that validate their biases with bad data.
Trolls, ladies.
Trolls.
by Anonymous | reply 34 | June 6, 2022 2:09 AM
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R30, I don’t know. Sex with any hole or dick, sure. But not if you’re somewhat discerning. Maybe when Grindr was still kind of new, but now to get *good quality* masculine, fit dick on Grindr, you have to wade through of time-wasting, catfishing, BSing, etc. Then when you think you’ve sealed the deal, the other guy gets cold feet, wants to reschedule, or keeps pushing the time to later, etc.
For the above reasons I usually find it a PIA to casually hookup these days, (and as mentioned above by someone else, many of these dudes apparently aren’t the type to frequent the bars to begin with - figures) - so when I find good quality dick, I try to maintain that relationship as a FWB (or dating… if they seem normal and the sex is really that good).
by Anonymous | reply 35 | June 6, 2022 2:19 AM
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I used to be scared of going out to gay bars. Occasionally I do now, with some more confidence.
by Anonymous | reply 37 | June 22, 2022 2:47 PM
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Smart masc gays use grindr and scruff. Scruff is much better than Grindr overall, but there's some prime meat that only uses grindr still, so you have to have it even if it's mostly weirdos, flakes, etc.
by Anonymous | reply 38 | June 22, 2022 3:07 PM
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Scruff and Grindr are cesspools of STD-infected lowlifes and desperate urchins. You aren’t gonna find hot mainstream hunks and bros on those sleazy platforms.
by Anonymous | reply 39 | June 22, 2022 3:22 PM
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[quote] hot mainstream hunks and bros
🫢
by Anonymous | reply 40 | June 22, 2022 3:33 PM
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The femme gays are always ON and think other gays should be as well. Low-key gays will be accused of being dull and not having enough pizzaz. They’ll be mocked and ostracised in gay bars, even if they’re attractive.
by Anonymous | reply 42 | June 22, 2022 4:52 PM
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R42 have you ever gone to a gay bar?
by Anonymous | reply 43 | June 22, 2022 5:04 PM
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Show us on the doll where the apps hurt you, r39.
by Anonymous | reply 44 | June 22, 2022 5:34 PM
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Umm….EVERYONE is a little more femme nowadays. The days of “macho/masc” are long gone. The prototype straight guy is Harry Styles - who would fit right in at the gay bars. Masculinity is dead.
by Anonymous | reply 45 | June 23, 2022 1:10 AM
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r41 don't forget that "queer studies" is a subset of feminist studies and thus views gay men with a feminist lens... to combat its homophoboci rad fem roots instead it suggests that masculine gays are self hating and that all gay men have to rid themselves of masculinity in order to be authentic. Even worse if they're tops or vers to which then it's an infection of toxic masculinity. . . because all bottoms are actually just inferior versions of the fraus they so desperately want to be.
by Anonymous | reply 46 | June 23, 2022 1:19 AM
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while rad fems continue to embrace:
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 47 | June 23, 2022 1:21 AM
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3 dollar bill is a very masculine bar. Very he-man types.
by Anonymous | reply 48 | June 23, 2022 1:34 AM
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This was a long time ago now but I would go to the Works on the Upper west side in Manhattan in the mid to late 1990's. There were lots of good looking straight acting preppy/yuppy types in the bar on a Thursday night ( $1 Margaritas) or the Sunday night beer blast.
OP- Maybe one of those sports bars might attracted a more masculine type of guy- bars like Boxers or Gym bar. I used to go to Gym bar with my softball team and later my volleyball team after we played.
by Anonymous | reply 49 | June 23, 2022 1:44 AM
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R45, lol speak for yourself. Literally lol’Ed at the Harry Styles example. Are you a 20 year non-binary trans? 😂😂😂😂
by Anonymous | reply 50 | June 23, 2022 4:19 AM
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Every decade has had its version of the "gay clone" and now it has become the "queer clone". 70s was tight Wranglers or short shorts, 90s was grunge with Timberland boots and underwear band pulled up to see the label. Now it's blue haired "woo!woo!" boys and girls, i.e. Fibro-support club meetings. They cannot orgasm due to medications but love to go out to show off their latest LEWK.
by Anonymous | reply 51 | June 24, 2022 3:30 PM
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Maybe some men have finally caught on that it’s easier and more fun to pick up a guy in a straight bar.
by Anonymous | reply 52 | June 24, 2022 3:34 PM
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In WeHo the current LEWK for the baby gays is some sort of crop tank top, slut shorts, tube socks and sneakers.
And a belt bag/fanny pack for their douche nozzle and lube.
by Anonymous | reply 53 | June 24, 2022 3:38 PM
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[quote] While the bars always had a good # of fem and twinkish types...
Of course OP, you'll find more of them and Trans. They are the only ones who have a distinctive gay lifestyle today. The socalled masculine gays are busy playing hetero with babies, team sports, and white picket fences.
by Anonymous | reply 54 | June 24, 2022 3:43 PM
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Did they ever OP? Truly masculine dudes
by Anonymous | reply 55 | July 10, 2022 2:51 PM
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OP, mid-30a seems kind of old to be looking for bar hookups. But if that’s your thing, try a Wednesday or Thursday night. Summer Fridays are not a good indicator of the typical bar clientele as many have left the city for Fire Island, the Hamptons, Berkshires, Rhinebeck, etc.
by Anonymous | reply 57 | July 10, 2022 3:18 PM
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Rhinebeck is a gay destination?
by Anonymous | reply 58 | July 10, 2022 4:32 PM
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Gay bars are barely a gay destination anymore
by Anonymous | reply 59 | July 10, 2022 5:04 PM
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Does this include the gym rats, R21?
by Anonymous | reply 60 | July 10, 2022 5:26 PM
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R38 Do they drink home alone, too?
by Anonymous | reply 61 | July 10, 2022 7:11 PM
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R58 I am not the poster who wrote that, however Rhinebeck can be very cruisey. Once you erase the straight Brooklyn transplants with 1.5 kids and the retirees, you come across a layer of horny gays. Some are visitors, some are college students, but many work in education and healthcare. I go there once or twice a year. I was there for 4th of July last weekend and was cruised heavily in a nearby Old Navy!
by Anonymous | reply 62 | July 10, 2022 7:16 PM
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Any recs for NYC bars that aren’t explicitly classified as “gay” but generally have decent-looking and masculine gay-/bi dudes on a given Fri or Sat? Maybe somewhere in BK?🤔
by Anonymous | reply 64 | July 14, 2022 7:41 PM
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Being overly fem is an affectation. Many going to embarrassing lengths to out fem each other. Attention seeking is at the core of it all.
Get a gym membership, OP
by Anonymous | reply 66 | August 19, 2022 1:46 PM
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Few conventionally masculine men have ever habitually gone to gay bars. It’s not new
by Anonymous | reply 67 | August 19, 2022 1:54 PM
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Truly masculine guys tend to be loners and don’t work well in large groups. As a result they tend to avoid gay bars where everyone is always “on” and performing.
The ones going to bars are usually very social and talkative and are on top of the latest trends/fashions. This creates an environment that doesn’t welcome masculine types (low key, avoid the spotlight type).
Masculine guys are loved when it comes to sex and love but they are heavily disliked socially. Masculine guys aren’t hip, trendy, or outrageously funny. Take the sex out and most gays actually dislike masculine guys and see them as boring and lame.
by Anonymous | reply 68 | August 19, 2022 2:12 PM
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True. Masculine guys probably find traditionally gay bars too dramatic, too loud, too flaming, too Much. Gay bars with drag queens are especially unattractive to masculine guys. And the stereotypical thumpy dance or campy music in most white gay clubs don’t appeal To most masculine dudes. Most masculine guys like chill and lowkey environments.
by Anonymous | reply 69 | August 19, 2022 2:15 PM
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The generalizations in this thread are hilarious.
Clearly it's still 1983 for a lot of you.
by Anonymous | reply 70 | August 19, 2022 2:19 PM
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Where the hetero gays be at?
by Anonymous | reply 72 | August 19, 2022 2:27 PM
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R69- That might be true today but ca. 1995 when I was going to gay bars an average of three nights a week in Manhattan there would be plenty of good looking low key masculine guys who were not not indoctrinated ( wearing tank tops and huge builds and piercings, etc) at Splash bar which was the Grand Central of gay bars in 1995.
by Anonymous | reply 73 | August 19, 2022 2:27 PM
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That was an unusual scene
by Anonymous | reply 74 | August 19, 2022 2:29 PM
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Old Navy is the new Splash? 🤔
by Anonymous | reply 75 | August 19, 2022 2:31 PM
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[quote] Where the hetero gays be at?
Running away from the fat, ashy queens chasing them down.
by Anonymous | reply 76 | August 19, 2022 2:36 PM
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R73, I’d say two things changed that.
Social media and gay acceptance increasing.
Before social media, gays bars were the main way to meet other guys. Also, gay ghettoes used to be more popular back then due to low acceptance. With the younger masculine generation, they are more accepted so less of a need to go seeking out gay ghettoes.
by Anonymous | reply 77 | August 19, 2022 3:34 PM
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I'm 68 also, OP, but despite your disdain, I'm going to opine anyway...
What I find interesting is that when I was growing up, I tried every way possible to obliterate any movement or action about me that was considered feminine. It was the only way I could survive.
Now, what I see is many guys trying to act and appear as feminine as possible. As R66 says:
[quote]...Many going to embarrassing lengths to out fem each other.
I know the world has changed. I realize I am - how you say - an "eldergay", so don't bother snickering. I'm just saying that the difference is interesting to me and somewhat startling. I know it's changed because these guys have apparently made it through their childhoods alive. (Though maybe not unharmed.)
The differences and why, would make an interesting discussion if we could get through it without demolishing each other and our opinions.
by Anonymous | reply 79 | August 19, 2022 3:48 PM
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They will slap your face. Viciously.
by Anonymous | reply 80 | August 19, 2022 4:48 PM
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[quote] Truly masculine guys tend to be loners and don’t work well in large groups. As a result they tend to avoid gay bars where everyone is always “on” and performing.
These kind of comments remind me of the Will and Grace episode when Jack is trying to hook up with Luke Perry who plays the Hot Gay Nerd “or HGN” and he does a bit of a National Geographic broadcaster type while describing him. That was funny because it was a parody. All these comments are so embarrassing that they’re serious.
Get a grip gals, all types go to gay bars, it’s not that serious.
by Anonymous | reply 81 | August 19, 2022 4:53 PM
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R79 I am not quite as ancient as you (kidding! smooches!) but I do get what you're saying.
I think there's a whole part of the gender expression continuum, even aside from the whole trans element, where younger gay men are feeling much freer to express themselves and not "butch it up."
I think this is true even for straight men, who seem to be more metrosexual and have been for some time. My gaydar isn't as accurate as it used to be; there are straight men I've met with high voices and/or breathy cadences. That continuum has expanded in ways I can respect but don't necessarily understand.
For me I always liked what I called "relaxed masculinity." I didn't like the try hard butch types. I was most often hooking up with straight(ish) married men while in college, and my partner is a very non-scene kind of guy. But I wasn't finding guys like that in gay bars in the 90s, nor would I look for them there today.
by Anonymous | reply 82 | August 19, 2022 7:46 PM
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R83 Seacowchow. DL pariah Brooklyn Seacow is obsessed with everything it isn’t and will never be. The obvious agony is everything.
by Anonymous | reply 84 | September 4, 2022 1:37 AM
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Yasssssss Kween! Us masc guys are 👏🏾Out👏🏾and👏🏾About👏🏾
by Anonymous | reply 85 | September 4, 2022 1:40 AM
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You’ll find them at hotel bars.
by Anonymous | reply 87 | September 4, 2022 1:51 AM
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Datalounge has become a haven for trolls
by Anonymous | reply 88 | September 4, 2022 1:53 AM
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Become?
It was ever thus, if periodically less annoying.
by Anonymous | reply 89 | September 4, 2022 1:59 AM
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Every badly aging bottom complains about the dearth of masculine gay men.
Honey, just because you used to be someone's hole of last resort, and now nobody wants to enter the haunted amusement park that is your flabby ass, doesn't mean the world has changed.
It just means you're closer to death.
by Anonymous | reply 90 | September 4, 2022 2:07 AM
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Sports bars have hotter dudes. Hornier and more experimental too. Hotels have lame dads
by Anonymous | reply 91 | September 4, 2022 2:18 AM
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When you said Leather Night and I wore those heels, you should have been more specific OP. FFS - e
by Anonymous | reply 92 | September 4, 2022 2:31 AM
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R90 = fem Gen Z bottom with pink hair and dangling earrings
by Anonymous | reply 93 | September 4, 2022 9:56 AM
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I was going to engage with r93, and then I thought, "What purpose would that serve?"
I've been thinking a lot lately about all the assholes in my life, and I got to say r93, god bless you.
by Anonymous | reply 94 | September 4, 2022 11:28 AM
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