Have you/your family ever had to deal with any nasty inheritance issues?

Yep. Can’t go into too much detail but let me just say this: a death in the family will reveal people’s true colors when it comes to who gets what of that person’s estate if the will is not perfectly laid out. Anything that isn’t specifically mentioned you can be sure there will be some asshole family member(s) (some who you didn’t realize were greedy fuckers) that will do everything they can to get their hands on it. Let’s just say that after everything was finally resolved (after a long dragged out fight), there are multiple family members I have completely removed from my life and will never speak to again after seeing how they behaved.

I'm the last surviving sibling, so I get it all...

Bwah, ha,ha,ha,ha,ha

My dying granny gave out 3 post its each with out initials on them and we stuck them to stuff we wanted. The left-overs just got divvied up to anyone interested.

It was kind of awkward.

I got candlesticks and some silver sugar-cube tongs.

My sister hasn’t spoken to my dad in 6 years after learning he’s leaving his house & 50% of his estate to his 3rd wife, who he married 6 yrs back. I’m on her side though, he’s a terrible person & this last thing is just the straw that broke the camel’s back; they’d been estranged for a good 5 yrs in the ‘90s over our parents’ divorce.

My dad’s pushing 80 & his wife is a breast cancer survivor, I think she’ll predecease him, & I know he’ll wait 3 weeks to “mourn” her & will promptly get married again, keep the will the same with his new wife inheriting what #3 is getting.

I’m getting 25% of his estate & am ok with it, but only talk to him 3-4 times a year, & when I do, it’s always a rant on his end about my sister not talking to him, & how can I fix it. He’s also tried to corral the grandkids into fixing his mess.

I don't yet have a will and I have no surviving parents or aunts/uncles. I have a fuckton of cousins, none of whom care about me, and only a couple who even know I exist as a relative. I'm not rich, but compared to all of them, I'm loaded.

I'm tempted to not do any estate planning just to force them to meet each other and claw each other over my leavings, like that scene in Zorba the Greek when the whore dies and the women pick her house clean (except for the parrot).

Just like this. This is how I picture my estate being distributed.

My mom left it all to me and I have no idea why. I’m an only child and she conveyed almost nothing but burning disappointment in me, my whole life. She was never inclined to cave to societal pressures and I fully expected to learn that her will specified that I was being left the sum of $1 and that if I contested it, I was to receive nothing.

I can’t stand the thought that she may have loved me. It just deepens the tragedy, which was quite awful enough already, since I spent a lifetime believing I was fatally flawed and unlovable.

Yeah, I know, I know, halfway off-topic and Mary! to boot.

We are leaving everything to SPCA and similar to end vivesection and other cruelty to animals, especially homeless dogs.

Animals are better than people.

Whenever my nieces and nephews play up, I remind them that all the local bird rescues take estate bequests.

It's fun.

Had to take my sister to court. It was costly and ugly. Shevhas always been a total cunt. We don't speak to each other any more; in fact that's written into the settlement. I may not even find out when she dies, unles someone tells me. Will be a relief to know she is gone.

Nope. My abusive fuck father died. I was the last motherfucker standing. I got it all. Took me two months to find it all, but . . .

My wealthy gay uncle made my unstable eldest cousin his executor. He died over ten years ago and long-simmering tensions immediately exploded into open warfare over his estate that continues to this day. He was a cool, but surprisingly naive, guy who would be absolutely mortified at the familial wreckage his death precipitated.

My mother gave substantial gifts to some children to minimize tax. She forgot about the gifts when making will so everyone inherited equal amount of remaining assets regardless of the gifts they got while she was alive. The two executers happened to get the least gifts and refused to distribute some assets. My brother for ex had to sell her house and divide proceeds but never did. I guess I will sue him.

R13, she didn't forget.

R12 Did your gay uncle know you were gay? If so, did you help him in old age? If so, why didn’t he give you (his gay nephew) everything?

One of my friends had a massive inheritance drama. She and her husband looked after their doddery old dad (my words, not hers) while the brother did nothing. One day as her dad was getting worse, the brother came over for a visit and brought his friend who happened to be a "psychic". According to the "psychic", he was being robbed by a primary caregiver!!!! Quelle Surprise!

The dad left everything in the will to the brother and nothing to the offspring who was actually doing all the work and incurring the expenses.

I don't know why people don't just make their lawyer the executor/power of attorney, etc. They could collect, change titles, sell, liquidate, settle everything... then take out their fee and disperse whatever is left to the heirs.

This topic is painful. My shit straight brother (with kids) had my father change his will which had always split everything 50% each to exclude me. Father had dementia at the time. Nightmare.

Watch out for those straight siblings with kids, DL.

When I was a kid an uncle left my father and his brother an item each (my father got an oak bureau) but nothing to their sister for no reason but sexism.

My aunt in Ireland was caring for my grandmother and my grandmother's brother. They died and none of the children got anything - except her, but it's never been clear that she was the sole inheritor. I don't know why the siblings didn't contest it. Maybe they thought because she took care of them she should have gotten it all but it's a sore subject when raised.

I loved my uncle, but didn't expect, want, or get anything from his estate. He had retired to another continent and died a few weeks after he was diagnosed with cancer. He was totally independent and had never needed help before his final illness, when he could afford 24/7 caregivers; unfortunately, there was also a shady, alcoholic boyfriend on the scene. My mom and one aunt went to see him, and spread his ashes when he died; my cousin (the executor) was offended that she was not invited on this trip, and quickly went batshit. My uncle knew I was gay; I wrote him a long last letter on the train home from work, forgot to mail it that evening, and in the morning got an e-mail from my mom saying my uncle had died. I later figured out I was probably writing that letter on the train when he died, halfway around the world... R16 is exactly right in this case: if my uncle had made a lawyer his executor, the extended family implosion may have been avoided, at least to some extent. He was a smart man, but, like most of us, made some dumb mistakes.

My parents, always averse to parting with so much as a penny for taxes, had lawyers devise a much too complicated trust and corporation for real estate. My siblings each squeezed out very dubious "dying wish" gifts of land from my (still living) parents for their children while I got none.

After our parents died, my siblings wanted to sit on trust lands, use them as buffers against development of their own properties. We divided some small rental income annually. All "for the family interest," though it benefited always them and never me. Doing anything with the properties required unanimity and for that I had to wait years until each needed my consent to sell them property access or other rights that would improve the value of their (privately owned) properties. Once they realized I wouldn't sell them access rights or small annexed to their properties they finally agreed to buy me out. The process didn't endear me to them, nor them to me I'm sure. And I've not seen them since the buy out, only talked to the less greedy if the two.

It was stupid of my parents to devise an impossible trust, especially when aware that two of their three children would pick away at the carcass that was their backyard while the third, distant me, would get very little benefit. And it was stupid of my siblings not to have tried to have their cake and eat it too, by not selling off the whole and dividing the money and let each of us do as we pleased. But it was their greed that eventually got me loose of them.

Also a sister-in-law was fired from a bank for persuading one of my then feeble of mind parents to list her as sole beneficiary to some IRAs. The lot of them hate each other, of course.

My father left everything divided equally between his six children. He was an abusive man and out of the six children, only two still spoke to him. The day after he died, my brother sent everyone a home made pro forma stating that we did not want to inherit anything from our father. We were supposed to sign it and send it back. None of us did it. We all felt the inheritence was compensation for the shitty childhood he put us through. So we didn't get anything as my brother was doing all he could to grab the money for himself. Eventually, after a good five years or so, we got about a £1K each. It should have been a lot more than that. Nobody is talking to the brother who tried to grab all the money.

It's easy to walk away from a meager inheritence. When it's in the millions it's quite a different matter.

I've known a few families that exploded over wills, really nasty stuff. I've got no kids and made a simple will I've left with the Public Trustee. They will take a small cut for administering the will but if someone decides to be an asshole they can go rant at an anonymous public servant who's paid to deal with crappy behaviour.

My husband is one of three children in his family. Before his death, my FIL sold a property and gave all proceeds to his daughter, with the express understanding that at his death, my husband and his brother would be sole inheritors from the sale of the FIL’s house.

Lo and behold, when the time came, both of my husband’s siblings became greedy vultures (with the full complicity of my husband’s mother). My husband is a weak person and he was literally henpecked and emotionally blackmailed to hand over his share to his siblings (meaning that, overall, his sister got the most out of the estate). The pressure was relentless: emotional phone calls from the MIL crying over her daughter’s divorce (“she’s a single MOTHER!!!”), the other son’s financial issues (“he has THREE KIDS, what will they do about college?!!” despite that asshole living in a custom made house and taking lux vacations), and some nephew’s plight (“he’s on disability!!”) In the end, in order to keep the peace and keep a relationship with his family and considering he was okay financially, husband gave up his inheritance. I’m bitter about it but I’m coming to terms with it as MIL hardly ever visits and lives full time with her daughter. I think she doesn’t want to deal with my resentment and that is fine by me.

Unless it's an estate worth hundreds of thousands or millions, falling out with family over an inheritance is totally undignified.

So millions dignify it? GTFO

R20, very common practice in Ireland. Many women, often unmarried, find they become caregivers to ageing parents or relatives. The pay off is most usually they inherit the home. Fair enough, they've enabled a loved one to live at home and be cared for rather than placed in a care home/retirement home.

R27 If people acted fair and just, there would be no fallouts. Even inheritances in the four or five figures can be valuable: perhaps to buy stocks, renovate a home, or even pay for your own funeral. It’s abominable when one tries a money or land grab through devious methods.

For some posters here, including R21, your families/in-laws sound awful. What better opportunity to cut them from your lives than when they become grasping, greedy vultures. Life is too short to spend time ruminating over what might have been if your greedy sibling/step-parent hadn't inherited the bulk of an estate or grifted you. Fuck them off, block them, let karma deal with them.

If you want to leave anything to family and friends, tell them before you die and make sure they're okay with it. If you get the feeling they want more, don't leave them anything.

My dad had six kids. His estate was worth less than $2 million when he died.

My older half-brother only received $10,000 because he was absent for many years and never crept up the relationship (he didn’t with his own kids either, who don’t talk with him).

My two older-half sisters were to inherit the proceeds from the sale of my dad’s 50% interest in a million dollar forplex. They should have each inherited about $250,000, but the other owner didn’t want to sell his 50% when they found a buyer, so they had to sell their 50% for significantly less and they each only got about $140,000.00.

My full sister and I each received $100,000 and a third interest in our dad’s house (which we had grown up in). That house is now worth about $1.8 million on Zillow, but when our dad died, it was worth about $900,000. The other third and the residue of the estate went to my oldest sister, Dad’s business partner.

There wasn’t much drama until one of the half-sisters died. Because she had had creditors after her, she had been keeping her inheritance in our dad’s estate’s account, and taking cash out as she needed it. But when she died about 14 months after our dad died, my oldest sister, the Executrix, had to disburse what was left of her money (about $80,000) to her probate, rather than give it directly to her husband and kids. The relationship with dead sister’s husband and kids soured after that.

R5, in your shoes I would make a will, and leave everything to a charity. Even if you only have $20,000, that’s a nice bequest for, say, a homeless shelter for gay teens. Let your money do some good when you’re gone.

In preparing your will, state that if anyone attempts to contest it, they get nothing.

^^ All trusts/wills state this. Doesn't mean one can't contest.

r26 your story immediately made me think of the horrible family from Million Dollar Baby.

You could make a TV series based on our family’s inheritance mess.

I already have all my parents properties in my name, so basically I'm inheriting everything, the catch is, and I'm intending to honor it, is that because I will not have children, I will leave everything to my (only) sister's two kids.

R39- fair enough. What else would you have done? Left the properties to a cats' home or some go-go dancer you picked up on Fire Island?

Some extremely valuable jewellery of my mothers which wasn't allocated in her will went missing after her death. I'm quite shocked by it, but no one is asking questions.

A gay friend is leaving his multimillion fortune to his nephews. He's only doing it because he likes the idea of keeping it in the family and continuing the tradition of a dynasty of wealth. FFS.

A LOT of people make terrible assumptions and are disappointed when they discover all the issues and how it plays out after death of a parent. My advice is to step in as early as possible and get a will made for them by a lawyer while they still have their wits about them. If it’s a significant estate and your parents have a ton of health issues, make sure the lawyer is familiar with elder law in their state. You’ll need it if they have to go into a nursing home and you should do the planning at least five years before so to avoid any nasty surprises.

I’ve heard horror stories of strangers getting onto the property deeds, aides cleaning out bank accounts, and siblings fighting tooth and nail and it’s the lawyers that make off with the bulk of the estate. It should be only one power of attorney, someone that can act swiftly and surely in an emergency. Also, never mix your own finances with parents expecting to be paid back. If they need to file for healthcare, their bank statements need to be clearly understood and unfettered.

If you don’t get along with parents and still expect an inheritance, you need to check in with them REGULARLY, especially with onset dementia or health issues. Scammers actually prey on those elderly that are ignored by their children, my mom would get dozens of calls asking her for all sorts of info.

R39 What if you outlive your sisters two kids? It’s possible, they could die in a plane crash or car crash. Have you got a Plan B?

My Mother cared for her dying father because all of the other kids hated him. He died without a will and it was up to her to handle his final affairs and that's when all hell broke loose. All of these siblings who hated the man, turned against my Mother. It was nasty and cruel. They were pretty much calling her a thief. It wasn't a huge estate ( a house, some land, and some stocks). Death brings out the worst in people. Even when there is a will, people are still disgusting.

[quote] I'm tempted to not do any estate planning just to force them to meet each other and claw each other over my leavings, like that scene in Zorba the Greek when the whore dies and the women pick her house clean (except for the parrot).

Why not give it all to a favorite charity or to a friend? Your family will be so so disappointed.

You can get the template of a will on the internet. Have a party and have two people witness your signature. Then, make a few copies and give to trustworthy people to hold until you die.

R4 Sounds like your father loves whores.

I had to handle estate planning for my mother and her current husband. They're simple people, and sickly, so they have no real estate to speak of. But I didn't want my mother to die intestate, and have to fight a stream of creditors and dodgy relatives in court over her meager holdings. And my current stepfather is an ailing old drunkard who'd fuck up a cup of coffee, so I didn't want him in charge of her affairs either. Plus he's got white trash children who steal anytime they come over for holidays, so I know those cretins should be kept far away from even a drained bank account.

You expect lowlife trash to fight over every red cent. They're desperate and stupid. But you'd be amazed at how many comfortable people will still feud over a $200 silver bowl, or an heirloom quilt full of grandma's farts. Grief makes people stupid.

Thankfully my siblings and I all make good money, so no one actually needs my parents' money. However, it will be a substantial inheritance that we will just divide equally among us.

But I know where all the money is...

Oh R47, you say that now. But just you wait. Doesn't matter how comfortable you all are.

R47 Don't be so sure! Even if you don't need the money, expect somebody to pitch a fit over something meaningless. Who gets the photo albums? Who gets dad's nudie magazines, or mom's vodka? Money can be split or donated, but keepsake shit cannot. Someone's walking away empty-handed.

My mom grew up working class than entered the middle class via my dad. Also she ended up with some rich lady jewels from the one rich great auntie in her family. She treats these jewels terribly. They were in socks stashed in unknown places in her hoards of junk. The last time I visited I went out and bought her 3 small but noticeable jewel boxes and told her to divide the jewels among the boxes and then stash them. I said at least when she goes, her family might have a chance of finding them. She agreed it was a good idea. I don't know if she did it but we will find out soon when she goes to nursing home and we clean out her house to be sold.

R50 Make sure you get in there first if you can, that way you can rummage through the boxes before the others get arrive. My tip is to buy a few pieces of really cheap second hand antique jewellery and swap them with some prize pieces. Also when you all start looking let the others find the boxes, that will help cover your tracks.

I've observed that it is more often than not the sibling's SPOUSES that are the root cause of inheritance bickering and acrimony.

i have all the court documents from my grandfather and his siblings fighting over their parents inheritance including the oil in Oklahoma. it is a treasure trove of drama. Affairs coming out in legal filings were the best part. When my great aunt (one of the ones involved in the aforementioned dispute) passed recently she left everything to me and my mother so I like to show up at family events wearing her small diamond stud earring, just to fuck with that miserable group of people.

R51 If I found the jewels I wouldn't hog them or hide from my sisters. I love my sisters. If they want to keep them, they can. If they want to sell them, I could get a cut.

We have long known how the rich auntie got the major jewels. She was the life long mistress of a jewish jeweler in an industrial north eastern city. She wouldn't marry outside her faith and neither would he. So they were sinners for decades. Never lived together. She got money and jewels through her life long love.

Yep. My dad was an artist and art director during the Mad Men era. So there was a lot of his art in his apartment, as well as art he collected and valuable vintage/antique items. When he died, both of my asshole brothers ransacked the place and took what they wanted without telling me. Then one brother, who was the executor, cleaned out his checking account via multiple atm withdrawals over a month. I could've forced an audit but I just wanted to be done with both of them.

Most of his money was tied up in investments so I got my 3rd of that and the sale of the apt so it couldve been A LOT worse. Still. People are so so fucking gross.

No one in my family has ever had any money or substantial assets. But, when my paternal grandmother died without a will there was a grab for modest belongings that had mostly sentimental value, like great-grandmother’s simple white china and other personal items. My grandmother had put the names of the grandchildren she wanted to receive certain items but cousins ignored it and grabbed shit. My father blew his stack when he found this was happening, gathered all of his children together, and marched them quickly into the house to lay their claims before everything was taken.

Anyone else the only reasonable one in the family? Others are fighting over every last item down to the garbage cans and you're just sitting there thinking what a bunch of fucktards you have for family?

R54 Fine, you do the honest and right thing and live your life with a clean conscience. But don’t think for a minute that your two sisters haven’t hatched a plan already for the jewellery. I was just trying to help you out as you sound too nice, trusting and honest for your own good. Think about my plan once again before writing it off completely…

[quote] Don't be so sure! Even if you don't need the money, expect somebody to pitch a fit over something meaningless. Who gets the photo albums? Who gets dad's nudie magazines, or mom's vodka? Money can be split or donated, but keepsake shit cannot. Someone's walking away empty-handed.

My parents were hoarders. That made all the kids realize we don't want ANY of their keepsakes.

Hoarders also hoard cash and hide it well…

I come from a blended family, mom was married a few times. Best thing she did and last husband was to make separate trusts and have the attorney handle the dissolution of the trust. When last husband died, my steps had the nerve to complain to my mom that the atty wasn't handling its dissolution fast enough, because assets had to come due in order to liquidate. Not her problem. Talk to the lawyer!

My will says "And I leave not one penny to my nieces, for reasons which are well known to them."

My maternal grandfather's family had a large patch of oil wells in south Texas. The will was set up so the last surviving child - OUT OF FOURTEEN - would inherit the whole thing. I grew up well aware of the running count of who had died and who was left. Grandpa was the twelfth to die.

[quote] Hoarders also hoard cash and hide it well…

My parents were hoarders and also hoarded cash--but they hoarded it in numerous back accounts that even they lost track of.

When I realized this, I started working on trying to consolidate their accounts--it was literally 30 accounts. There could be more but I have no idea how to find if there are any more. The oddest thing is they had internet only accounts, but they have never used the internet! They had no recollection of how money got there--it didn't seem like any was missing, so it wasn't a con.

The whole process took me two years, but I consolidated everything into two accounts and now watch it like a hawk.

My family has a history of cutting each other off, which is painful but a civilized alternative to the traditional American familial murder-suicide.

My parents were divorced and neither were speaking to my sibling (and neither was I!) so I had to manage both their estates. One parent cut the nonspoken to child out, one didn’t.

I SCRUPULOUSLY split both inheritances evenly and fairly between myself and my sib. It blindsided everybody as this is just not how it’s usually done, but actually it worked out great. I spent very little on legal fees and never saw the inside of a courtroom. Plus my sib has no basis whatsoever to resent, persecute, or make further demands.

R66, good for you. Money (or art, jewelry, or belly button lint) isn't everything. Sometimes it is worth the sacrifice to keep the craziness to a minimum.

A grandparent had a scorched earth legal battle with a conniving sister over an inheritance, knowing they might lose but wanting to make it as expensive as possible for her in the process. She had forged documents and dragged a senile, near-death parent on a ghoulish tour of regional banks to loot their estate.

I'm reading estate lawyer Jeffrey Condon's "Beyond the Grave" currently for ideas before we get to work on our own plan. As high-income (currently) childless lesbians, we think there's potential for shady relatives to circle like vultures once we're gone or almost gone. I'd rather name DL's scat troll as an heir than allow a jerk to claim something they don't deserve on the basis of shared DNA.

Only child, and elder gay here, with a 96-year old mother whose house is filled to the rafters with family heirlooms and collectibles that are basically worthless. I want none of it, including the pictures. I don’t have room to keep the volume of stuff she has, and I don’t want to spend the time sorting through thousands of old photos. I joke that when she dies, I’ll take a can of gas and a match to the whole house and drive off looking at the fire in my rear view mirror.

We could have had problems dividing up our grandfather's estate. It was just our grandfather since our grandmother passed away a number of years prior. The big ticket items, property and cash, was addressed by grandfather's will with no objection. This sticky point was the nice keepsakes he had. The solution? We had a family auction. If we wanted something, we had to pay for it. The proceeds from the family auction was then divided equally between my dad and his two brothers. As it turned out, no one wanted our grandfather's books, old family pictures, and his correspondence so I got the works. Plus, I had just purchased my first home and needed furniture, so my parents bought things they thought I needed.

@r69, I'm in the exact same situation as you. What are we going to do with all that crap? 🥴

Anyone who finds themselves involved in an inheritance spat is 100% trash. Nobody owes you shit, and it’s disgusting how people factor in an expected inheritance into their financial planning.

^ Not true. Parents often involve their children in estate planning. Are we suppose to ignore our parents when they ask you to go to the lawyer's office to review the will? That would be rude

R72 that's not exactly fair. Especially in cases where parents leaving the estate are separated, or didn't agree, on who should get what. Often the parents (or even grandparents) caused the problem way before it got to anyone possibly in receipt of an estate portion. Also these people can change their wills or trusts without the other, and without their knowledge.

My parents decided to hire an attorney (not the one I recommended) and he was such a disaster he ended up getting disbarred (and 12 months behind bars).

[quote]Anyone who finds themselves involved in an inheritance spat is 100% trash. Nobody owes you shit, and it’s disgusting how people factor in an expected inheritance into their financial planning.

That's ridiculous. Even with a will and clear-cut intentions for an estate, there is often one heir who wants to organize everything heavily in his favor, to distribute assets as he would prefer and to hell with the intent of the dead parent/s or the robbing of his siblings.

"Well, you don't have kids and I have three and your sister has only one, so I think all of this should come from your third, and I should get the house as well because I have a bigger family and more ex-wives - it's what our father would have wanted." [Never mind that it's expressly not what the father put in his will.]

Family land issues. One cousin kept holding out for more money despite being told by our attorney that they couldn’t get any higher. Found out that the cunt was seeing if she could get her brother’s share, since he was in jail for tax evasion. They’re both trash, but she screwed up everyone else’s plans. No one has forgiven her for it. She’s always been greedy and selfish.

I come from a wealthy family. When I was younger and our parents (I have 4 sibs) informed us of estate plans including trusts I was to receive a ninth (trust share and eventual estate- each of my sibs 2/9) Mind you- my sibs kids each got enough to educate them prep school thru graduate if necessary, 10 of them! I eventually challenged my patents and discovered that my Dad agreed with me and he regretted his original plans. My mother did not. But my sibs were on my side and essentially told my parents that they would change everything (1/5 shares) anyway. My mother finally capitulated and my father was quite contrite. My mother remained essentially homophobic and vindictive about it all. As wealth passed to my sibs and myself by trust, LLC and inheritance of remaining estate, we spent a lot of time managing the financial vehicles (conference calls, plans, lawyers, accountants etc.) All sibs and myself are intelligent, educated and well quite lucky. We cooperated and worked together well. We are still divvying up property, my parents belongings (some significant art and furnishings). All is transparent, no one covets anything and we all care for the well being of each other. My father was a wonderful man- he goofed in the beginning but saw his mistake. My Mom was an elegant smart competent but damaged woman. I have to forgive her and accept her as she was, on a regular basis, even years after she passed away. My siblings kids are my beneficiaries and heirs.

"Anyone who finds themselves involved in an inheritance spat is 100% trash. Nobody owes you shit, and it’s disgusting how people factor in an expected inheritance into their financial planning."

I'm reading through these responses and no one mentioned their personal financial planning. Maybe your family had nothing to leave you and you're super-bitter But FYI MOST FAMILIES pass money, property , etc on to relatives if there is any.

Personally I'm rock-solid financially through my own hard work and diligence. But I still thought it was greedy and ghoulish when my brothers ransacked my dad's apartment when the will clearly stated the contents were to be split 3-ways.

Not sure what you're so triggered over but maybe you need to get a life.

My great uncle, navy vet bachelor (hmmm...), was very frugal/hermit-esque. He lived in old run down houses with goats and chickens in the house!

Seems he had been buying farms and was worth millions in real estate when he died. He had a will leaving everything to my granny as she was the sister who cared (after) for him the most. The sneaky sister somehow changed the will and got most of it. Granny got like a hundred thousand.

My aunts were furious but granny, a good Christian woman, would not contest. My dad was unpulsed for some reason. It would have been a mess with the sisters when granny died maybe.

It's like vultures picking over a rotting corpse. Damn. Mom's dead, who get's china?!!?

R78 here. I would be fine on my own through my career now winding down. That’s not really the issue. I am financially responsible and have always planned. However my family’s wealth was and is a reality. The knock to me in the beginning was that I was not equal to my sibs. That’s not easy to live with and maintain decent familial relationships. In addition, wealth such as I’ve inherited and to a great extent been the beneficiary of my entire life is a responsibility. If managed well it can of course take care of me, but also my extended family. In addition it has allowed me to do some good- help friends, philanthropy in directions and interests I am passionate about. So wealth is to be taken seriously when it is there and managed responsibly. In addition it can be used to hurt and punish and as such should be carefully considered to prevent. My mother hurt me very much. Oh I know in the big picture I’m very lucky, but she used her wealth to hurt me, bottom line. My father and my sibs protested me and I stood my ground. I did not succumb to self distraction which I have seen in other wealthy families when a family member is treated poorly or unfairly. My story has a good ending.

destruction not distraction

It was bleak.

[quote]when my paternal grandmother died without a will there was a grab for modest belongings that had mostly sentimental value, like great-grandmother’s simple white china and other personal items. My grandmother had put the names of the grandchildren she wanted to receive certain items but cousins ignored it and grabbed shit.

Granny putting a piece of paper with a name on it on the personal items always works out beautifully. You have to wonder how batshit granny was to think her vulture grandchildren and children won't have let themselves into her house to rearrange and remove those Post-It notes before she's cold.

With my siblings we decided to let children and then grandchildren and then other relatives, in that order, have their pick of furniture, collectibles, household goods and that the rest we would send to auction and donations to charitable organizations. For more than a month of weekends we organized things for sale/disposal aware that there were few things of any significant value, the few pieces of fine jewelry, for instance, we considered more sentimental in value than of financial worth and left them up for grabs with the rest. The idea was that there were assets enough elsewhere that it made no sense to squabble over items of only sentimental value; we would try to accommodate anyone with their first wishes for anything they might want as a reminder of our parents.

This all worked to plan but with the exception of my scheming sister-in-law who would come over and roam around stinking of the box of wine she drank each day, rooting through my mother's costume jewelry, "oh, these pearls must be so valuable, which of you wants them?"

"Please have them for yourself, take the who drawer full of jewelry if you like, but those 'pearls' are pop beads from the 1950s, not pearls by a mile, look they're plastic and they 'pop' when you snap them apart..." After the third weekend of these drink ramblings I put all the jewelry, the pop beads and a few real pearls in rings and earrings in a box and set it aside for her, asking her to please take it all and take her time deciding what she wants to keep and what she wants to sell or give away..."it's yours for the taking, everyone is very happy for you to have these and do as you like with them." She picked through and moaned and complained that it was all too complicated for her (of which I've no doubt, though it wasn't too complicated for somebody to have pocketed before the dividing up began the few good rings and favorite Victorian cameos that my mother favored.)

Heirs can still be pain in the ass when you give them everything that they want. I imagine she is still bitching about the jewelry she lost out on and all the priceless antiques that sold for nothing. (Nobody wants stacks of old granny china and hideous Fosteria glass and collections of Victorian transferware cream and sugar sets with broken lids or glued-on handles.) In the end each of the children took a couple things as memories, my nutty sister-in-law took a truckload to shoehorn into her already packed house, and grandchildren and more distant relatives took a couple of sentimental things. The whole lot went auction, a house packed with things and we cleared a couple thousand each after auction fees and moving expenses, etc.

The time and energy and goodwill spent dividing up what is of no real value in the end was gruesome, all to try to be completely transparent and overly fair the greediest of our lot - who only felt cheated at every turn though she carted away truck loads full of stuff and the rest of us took a couple things we knew were of no real dollar value.

I always love it how the sisters in law tend to be the villains in these things.

^ Judging by some of the horrendous Fraus that haunt DL that doesn't surprise me in the least

My brother and I equally split an a fairly large estate left by our parents. I'm the youngest by 8 years and the eventual heir of all if my brother predeceases me. With my luck, I'll croak first. And that will then be extremely nasty.

OP, can’t you come up with your own ideas when writing your book, script or content?

For those stuck with houses full of worthless things, take what you want and hire one of those junk firms to clean it all out. It will be several thousand dollars but it's worth it. It's a waste of time and very physically draining to do this job yourself.

My husband is 83 and I am 64. We’ve been together 27 years, married 7. He has 2 adult children in their forties, one a millionaire (tech work, now retired), one doing real estate in Austin:. Hi hey’re great—no issues. Husband has mild cognitive impairment (memory issues). He has two siblings, both queer. Brother Beebee , 81, tight-ass prissy Opera queen in DC, gets 72000 a year from his IRA. Sister Arbus is 71 year old granola dyke who never thought it was her responsibility to putting anything aside—expects her brothers to support; they send her a monthly allowance of 40000 (my husband paid off her mortgage years ago, but she’s taken liens). The three Zoom once a week—calls. Often center around the siblings pushing my husband to name them major beneficiaries of his IRA (currently worth 1.8m, fluctuates with market). They each want 800,000–they NEED it as they plan to live to 102 like ONE of their aunts did. Whatever is left (at the moment 200,000). My husband could assign to me, his grandchild, charity, as he wishes.(awfully generous of them!). I do understand their needs—BBC on DuPont Circle can’t be cheap these days (Beebee’s favorite friend on what his friends” told me), along with his Joan Sutherland collection)and buying dinner for friends at the Moosewood is more expensive than you’d think). Neither has ever had a successful adult domestic relationship so they don’t get why a spouse or child might rank higher. I’ve sent the letter and associated emails to our lawyer and financial advisor, and both are aware of what’s going on and will not allow any bizarre changes to the current beneficiary designations (I’m sole beneficiary—I plan to ask that the adult children be added). I called bro and sis on their shit (as did adult daughter) and we’re the assholes to them, who are suggesting I’m trying to isolate husband (who works with a trainer once a week, has breakfast with son a couple times a week, and spends several weeks with daughter every summer), so Battyman and Robber will not prevail. Lawyer is using terms like elder abuse to describe their acts. I never liked either (nor they me), but thought they were just pretentious, irritating, but harmless. They are lethally toxic.

R91, why are you having the partner's children added when you say that your husband has mild cognitive impairment?

When he dies, the kids will come after the wealth. If he makes a change now, they will say nothing should be trusted because he has cognitive impairment.

Things that mean something to your parents, often mean nothing at all to you. Keep some of the pictures. Otherwise sell or trash the rest.

"Grief makes people stupid."

No, dearest, greed makes people stupid.

When my great grandmother died, she had a decent amount of coin, but nine kids and a bunch of grandkids so by the time it got divided up, there wasn’t that much each so not much fighting there and at least that part she made clear in the will. Everything else was a clusterfuck. She wanted to donate her home or some shit, but gave no details. All of her junk, some valuable, some not, was to be split up as her children saw fit. I think she must have hated them all and wanted to punish them because they ended up fighting for years over shit like candlesticks, musical instruments, and books. The craziness escalated to the point where one of the sisters showed up unannounced to another sister’s home on the completely other side of the country to demand a lamp that she supposedly cherished as a child.

Why not let your banker and estate lawyer at Lombard Odier handle everything?

My grandmother died a multi millionaire. She was tighter than a clam’s ass too. She didn’t leave me a dime when she died. I was so pissed off. It took me several years to recover.

My partner’s uncle died of Covid last year, and had a 500k life insurance policy, which is a lot to a poor family in a rural area. His wife inherited the life insurance money, and the grown children were livid that they didn’t get anything. The aunt told them that she needed to live the rest of her life on that money, and the kids said that they wanted their inheritance ‘in advance’. They haven’t spoken to their mother since. Trash.

My mother predeceased my grandmother (mom's mother). There was a trust (grandma the trustor) that I & my sibling inherited due to our mom dying. The trust assets would only be liquidated upon my grandma's death. After my mom died, her sister / my aunt (also a trust beneficiary plus trustee / trust manager) started becoming pushy with me. I (IMO) politely stood my ground on behalf of myself and my siblings. Aunt blew up and went scorched earth with me (as far as our familial relationship).

Grandma died, trust assets were disbursed, and I haven't spoken with my aunt since then. One of my siblings (sister) is still on friendly terms with aunt.

When my grandma died there was some sort of squabble among my mother and her siblings. I was too young to understand it.

All I knew is that whenever my aunt came over, my mother would hide the brass vases.

This thread has inspired me to read "Bleak House" this summer.

She left 3 million dollars to various charities. Nothing to her fam. She always said I was her fave grandson. What a crock.

That’s weird R98. Asserts always pass to the surviving spouse without tax.

Yes, too long to go into but way before my mother died, I asked her to keep me out of the will completely, as I did not want to be involved with my five older siblings who are all insane. My mother died with four of us in the hospital room some years later, my oldest sister was in the hospital from a broken neck. My mother was not even cold before my brother wanted to know what was going on with the estate. My niece was the executor. My niece begged them not to go tell her mother as she would do it. Two sisters and brother showed up the next day at my sister's hospital to tell her that our mother was dead.

Three years of twenty court sessions, my niece having a breakdown and giving up, court-ordered mediation by a mediator from the County that my one sister was fucking as she worked down the hall from him, which I found out later, the judge dragging me in the mix when I was deposed. My brother then taking over, then being kicked out as executor after asking why he had to do stuff he did not want to the judge. My mother's house was ransacked for all the antiques, furniture, and even her pain drugs.

Finally, the judge asked me if I would be the executor. I said absolutely not. He said the only route was the county taking over. I said great, let them.

I have not spoken a word to any siblings except my niece for seven years. One sister died, and I was called and said, "well, what do want me to do about it?" and hung up.

No. My father died young and my other has next to no assets.

Nothing to fight over - which I guess is a blessing in a way.

erm, my MOTHER has next to no assets

R92. Reasonable question. Actually I trust the “kids.” They have been nothing but supportive. One has more money than the entire family (worked at Google for five years and retired with 5m plus). The other is doing well financially but I want to make sure her son (10) has sufficient for college. We’re meeting with the financial guy to see if there’s a way to protect the money so that the siblings can’t talk him into something in a weak or fuzzy moment. Adding the children as beneficiaries now saves some tax liability later (he may not leave the son any money and son is gine with that). While I no longer trust the siblings (I never liked them, but I didn’t think them capable of this), I do have to trust somebody. My lawyer said she’d never seen anything like the letter in 25 years of practicing law and that any judge would throw out any suspicious changes. Ironically, it’s in my best interests just to let things set—since I’m currently the sole beneficiary. Between my own IRA and SS, I have about 1m, so there’s no need for me to be greedy. I do think it’s particularly appalling that two queer siblings seem to have no regard for the kind of thing marriage equality was designed to protect.

It was the nasty stepmother for me, who tried to divert my dad's money to her kids.

My mum and dad are quite well off and there are 5 kids. Dad asked me if I wanted to be an executor of the will and I said no. There is one sister who is a complete bitch, hates all of us and is nasty to my parents, but I know the second they die she will be causing problems trying to get more than her equal share. Fuck that shit. It's not about the money for me, but rather that I don't want to have to deal with all her shit.

I never make it a policy to count on any inheritance - it's best to just assume there won't be any and then maybe have a pleasant surprise. My husband's grandad was rich and he went went crazy and left all of it to some far off relative nobody had ever heard of before which really hurt him.

Dear God - this is annoying. Everyone has inheritances? I feel like the only one who is supporting a mother for 20+ years and will not only inherit nothing but will have spent thousands caring for her. Screw capitalism.

Your takeaway is screw capitalism? Okay.

Everyone that posted in this thread was the ungreedy saint in the family that did the right thing under great strain and sacrifice.

No one is ever the villain in their own story, R112.

Why not.... My parents were divorced. My father was successful in academia, outwardly fine, privately too often a rancid asshole. He and I never had a "what's in the will" conversation, which I've come to understand is quite common w. parents and adult children. He'd made passing comments that my two sisters and I would each get 1/3 of his assets, what had been put aside, etc. -- except for a paid-for house in Northern Virginia, which would go to his extremely long-term girlfriend.

Fair enough.

To everyone's surprise, the girlfriend preceded him in death, just a few months after my mother died. When my mother died, for no good reason or anything within 1,000 miles of a good reason, my sisters both decided I was worse than Hitler. That's an insane story in itself. In the weeks after the girlfriend's death, my father contacted me to get updated personal/contact info because he was updating his will in the wake of the girlfriend's death.

That was in early 2014 and he died 6 years later. Neither sister informed me. A cousin let me know. Given what had been said in years past, I wondered about the will. One sister finally let me know I was in fact not in the will. There was no further information provided. No queries about whether or not I would like anything large or small from the house, no information about a funeral, etc. By the way, both sisters are way, way, way above average in terms of income & assets, got nice houses before the prices got berserk so they wouldn't have $$ motivation to shaft me.

As an aside, I eventually got a letter from some law firm to let me know I was an "heir at law," though I've yet to determine what that means in the state of Virginia. Anyone out there have some knowledge?

I'd been pretty comfortable with being fundamentally estranged from both sisters, but their approach wrt our father's death struck me as vastly nasty, childish and such. I'd made some efforts to re-establish relationships with 'em, came to accept that they're fetid shitheads and we be done. I'll be 60 in Nov., one sister is 61, the other is 63. Never say never and all that, but I'd be surprised if I ever have any interaction with either of them.

R113 only really true for egomaniacs that have little self awareness.

My mother's father made it clear to each of his three children that he wanted his estate divided equally and had a will that said so. He made the mistake of making all his accounts joint accounts with his son, I guess he thought somehow that would make things easier. Since they were joint accounts when my grandfather died his son, my uncle, emptied all the accounts and took everything, which was supposedly several hundred thousand dollars. My mother contacted a lawyer but since they were joint accounts there was no legal recourse for my mother and her sister. Eventually my uncle cut each of his sisters a check for $10,000 each way less than a tenth of what they were due, just to shut them up. My mother never spoke to him again. Not sure whether the other sister ever forgave him or not.

That’s applicable if there’s no will, r114.

I would do a search for a probated copy of his Will were I in your shoes. Your sister may be lying.

My grandmother's sister (my great aunt) was childless and a three time widow who, at the time of her death, had a live-in moocher. She made out well when their mother died, was the executrix of the estate, and screwed my grandmother out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. (What my grandmother did get, she divided among her grandchildren equally; I got a check for $55K.)

Anyway, said Aunt slipped and fell on ice and went into a coma. She had been nasty to my mother, the last survivor among her siblings, for many years, including telling her she would never one red cent from her. However, as the nearest of kin, my mom had to decide whether to keep the old crone on life support or discontinue it. Mom struggled greatly with the decision, but my brother and I told her to pull the plug.

So "dear Auntie" died and a week later the will was read in her lawyer's office. She paid the local Methodist church $25K so the minister would perform funeral liturgy. She never went to church. She left the same amount to each of her last husband's surviving grandchildren, and nothing to me, my siblings, or my cousins, her great-nieces and -nephews But she did leave the remainder of her estate to my mom's current, third husband. We were mystified.

But when we examined the will, it turns out that she last updated it during the year that my mom and her husband were separated, eight years prior. She actually wanted to have one, last "fuck you" to my mom by giving her estate to the man she assumed would be my mom's ex-husband. The same lawyer was executor of the will and he pulled out a note from the file and read it – Great Aunt was adamant that my mom, her nearest living relative, would receive nothing from her or her estate.

Payback was sweet. A few cousins tried to contest the will. The live-in moocher refused to leave her house. It took a few months, but eventually the police and probate court officials cleared the potential entanglements. The house sold quickly, the estate auction went smoothly, and my stepfather inherited about $2.25M, which he deposited into his and my mom's joint accounts. Fuck you, Aunt Ada, you evil old wretch.

[quote] I'm tempted to not do any estate planning just to force them to meet each other and claw each other over my leavings, like that scene in Zorba the Greek when the whore dies and the women pick her house clean (except for the parrot).

R5, it just doesn't work that way, in the USA if you have no will there are laws that determine how your estate is divided. If the estate is large enough there are law firms that search out your relatives and inform them that you have died and try and get them to let that law firm represent them. Then that law firm takes a huge cut. If you have no will, your estate will be divided between the relatives that the law firm can find. If no relatives can be found it goes to the state.

I have had two relatives die without wills, one of them I didn't even know the guy existed, had never heard of him before. He was some great uncle living on the other side of the country, never married and no children or siblings. The estate was several hundred thousand dollars but I was such a distant relative and there were so many relatives that I just received $6,000.

[quote]Everyone that posted in this thread was the ungreedy saint in the family that did the right thing under great strain and sacrifice.

Certainly not saints. But not idiots, either; and to step back and let your other family members take not only what was promised them but promised you and promised others is not saintly either, it's just stupid.

There are not many "ungreedy saints" at the reading of the will. To take any role in settling an estate is to learn more about greed and to have to use some diplomacy to satisfy different personalities, even when every detail is spelled out in a legal document. There shouldn't be any shame in seeing that the legal instructions are followed and fairly, nor in not being bullied by other heir's wishes that they think should override a will.

Gay people should be well aware of an historical pattern of getting shorted by their "loved ones" in wills and in estate settlements, where straight, married with children heirs think their half should steal from the gay, unmarried childless heir, contrary to a will.

If you think it's saintly to step back and have your family and fellow heirs to rob your share because they don't consider you their equal, you're simply wrong.

Fighting over teacups and photo albums is stupid, or a few thousand bucks when the sum is of no benefit to you. But fighting not to be treated like a third rate sibling is another matter.

When my single brother died unexpectedly in July 2020, I handled the estate and probate process. I didn’t expect our 99 year old grandfather to do it and when it comes to money, my father and his ex-wife are compulsive liars. Even as the legal next of kin, he couldnt be bothered to help. My mom died a long time ago.

I dealt with getting the apartment cleaned out as well… my brother was a hoarder and it wasn’t a good scene. And since I am east coast and he was west, I only had a few days out there to get affairs in order and hire a clean-out company, deal with the car and talk to the funeral home. In short, it sucked. Thank God the clean out people were great and I found a good lawyer.

My father had the gall to propose we split my brother’s money 50/50. I paid my expenses and my college loan off (my father spent my promised college funds twice)…and sent him a check for $30k, which he tried to cash at a liquor store. Then he told me the money was stolen from his closet.

Since the ex, who obviously took the cash, has power of attorney for my father, I’m making a list of furniture and saved objects to grab asap. When my father dies, I can say nope … all the details are your problem now bish.

I could never imagine leaving out a child in a will - not that I have anything to leave lol But I can't imagine being so petty. If it's two children, it would be divided equally.

Apologies if I leave important details out, but trying not to be overly detailed on this.

Mom and her second husband had a tug of war with money (he brought property and capital to the marriage, but then promptly retired, and her income supported them). They both contended they were the breadwinner. Wills were never drawn up because Stepdaddy insisted on living trusts (and wanted all land and money left to his children, and nothing for hers). She died unexpectedly, and our homophobic prick relatives started "helping" him to "protect" himself from us, not just poisoning his ear against us but hiding assets.

Things got ugly. There wouldn't not have been a huge estate because real estate was crashing as she died, so as the estate dragged on, the value of the properties they co-owned were plummeting, but we should have been entitled to a sizable (low six figures) amount--especially if I hired the forensic accountant to prove some of his fraud.

In the end, we settled (but not before he spent $40k on legal fees while my siblings and I represented ourselves gratis). We assumed some debt and one property, and structured it in such a way that the tax write-off given Stepdaddy nullified his loss (in other words, he lost nothing in the settlement). Of course, we are still hearing, 20 years later, about how we robbed the poor prick, but we know what my mother intended (she wanted us to have everything, not half of something), and we stood together, firmly, which allowed us to turn the property into something viable as a rental, and then sold at a large profit (low six figures).

He'd been decent when Mom was alive, but letting those homophobic pricks into his confidence allowed my stepfather to become a real bastard, and no one shed a tear when he died of cancer a few years later (and he fucked over one of his children in that will, no surprise).

The best thing? My siblings and I never fought once. We split everything evenly, and treated our "business" like business (and left business out of the personal). We are extraordinarily close now, and we owe it to a lot of people trying to fuck us over.

R119, I know how it works when one is intestate. I have no children, parents, siblings, aunts or uncles. In my state, the next of kin would be first cousins.

As you know from experience, there is a duty to find relatives. It's pretty easy to figure out. That's how you wound up with a $6k check from an unknown relative.

The cousins I know are all greedy, venal fuckers and the ones from Mom's side don't know the ones from Dad's side. They will fight over a bread crust. If there's an afterlife, I'll enjoy watching them squabble.

My uncle - a single guy who died at 80 years old - had an estate that totaled a bit over one million dollars including a couple of houses.

During his last months, my sister and a cousin took care of him. A month before he died, he gave them each $50,000 - they knew they were executors of his will and he paid them for the work. A week after he died, my cousin dropped out and my sister asked me to take her place.....of course NO $50,000 for me and our cousin said NOT a word about it.

I didn't want my sister to have to deal with it herself so I said yes. There was one sister and 20 nieces and nephews and three "friends."

We had an appraisal and then had a family sale so that if anyone wanted anything, they could pay the appraisal price and take it.....the rest went to an auction house for an online sale. It was great, they took care of everything - took 40% and the estate got the rest.

Sold one house quickly - second house sold this week. One payout to everyone after the annuities and insurance companies settled - and we'll do a smaller one this fall. Then legal fees and whatever tax payments are due after the first of the year and a third smaller payout - and we're done.

Ignoring the moochers is hard - telephone calls etc. I just say - call the lawyer.

Here's my situation. I am the named beneficiary of my childless aunt's (Aunt #1) financial accounts and property (4 unit apartment), but now that my other aunt (Aunt #4) has been named Executor of Estate, my lawyer sister told me not to count on receiving those funds. I guess it's fine if she (Aunt #4) ends up keeping the money for herself if she's taking care of my aunt (Aunt #1). I don't know why Aunt #4 needs even more money. She and her awful husband already sold their house. Her husband has been retired for years and lives separately mostly abroad in Southeast Asia. She (Aunt #4) is retiring soon to take full-time care of my still able-bodied Aunt #1. I would lowball estimate Aunt #4's net worth/retirement to be in the low 2-3 millions because she was always frugal. I also think Aunt #4 only stay married because she wants her awful husband's death benefit. They have 2 kids. My relationship with Aunt #4 is fine, and I don't intend to fight her if she wants to keep Aunt #1's money, but how much more money do you need?

When my grandmother died, her will specified that the state be split among her grandchildren. Instead, my uncle took most of it and gave two cousins the remainder and sold Nana's Jersey shore house to their sister for $100. The house was worth over $100K at that time. My sister and I? We got NOTHING. Fucker died after the IRS took his business away for fraud.

When my sister died, the cousins wanted to renew the relationship. I told them to fuck off and die.

[quote]but now that my other aunt (Aunt #4) has been named Executor of Estate, my lawyer sister told me not to count on receiving those funds. I guess it's fine if she (Aunt #4) ends up keeping the money for herself if she's taking care of my aunt (Aunt #1

R126: When it comes time to settle the estate, involve your sister from the very beginning if only by copying her on all correspondence. Just the thought (and your sister) looking of everything pertaining to your part may well be enough to keep her mindful of her executor duties. You can only reasonably go so far in looking at how your aunt handles the settlement, but what better reason to involve a lawyer at the start of things - just as a trusted family member offering you advice on any legal and financial obligations.

Here's a good one from a friend:

Two sisters jointly owned the (huge) family farm and land. One sister died and her share went to her son. Her son suddenly died at 20 something. His share went to his half brother. Half brother did visit the farm and such when the grandfolks were alive Anyway, he gave his half (like half a million) to the surviving sister.

The half brother was not related to the grankfolks.

Fortunately, nothing nasty in my experience. It's just my brother and me. When our dad died, everything went to mom, as it should have, so we weren't affected at all. When our mom died, I was the administrator of her estate. She had named beneficiaries on all of her monetary accounts, so those passed directly to each of us as named. The only thing that went to probate was her house, which was left to me in the will. When that was sold and the estate was closed, I divided the proceeds equally between my brother and me. The contents of the house were nothing of appreciable value, so those were donated or taken to the dump after I allowed my brother's adult kids to take a few items they wanted (I didn't want any of them). Actually, the most intensive part for me was being the administrator because that involved settling and closing all of my mom's accounts, preparing her final tax returns, keeping records of everything that came in and went out, reporting to the attorney, etc. It was time consuming but not that difficult.

It's very important that you have complete and current beneficiary information on all of your accounts. That will save a lot of time and spare a lot of headaches for your survivors. If you own property, put it in a trust with a named beneficiary, which could obviate the need for probate entirely.

Do not leave the "token dollar" to disinherit someone. If you do, they become a notified beneficiary. Just skip them!

My grandmother's sister made life hell while their mother was dying, let alone during probate. My grandmother was the live-in caregiver, so sis was constantly insisting on going over the books. Afterwards, when the will was probated, she let it be known she resented that the will divided the estate equally between the daughters. Auntie insisted it should have been 75/25 based on the number of children in each family.

Anyone named in the will, even for just a dollar, is entitled to a copy of the will.

I think the most stress an inheritance has ever caused in my family was when a cousin desperately wanted anyone else to be interested a white leather recliner my great aunt left to him so he wouldn't have to haul it cross-country. He felt obligated to take it home since she'd specifically bequeathed it to him, but if not for that I'm sure he'd have left it next to a nearby dumpster. I know how he felt, I've kept a horrible little nightstand that clashes with every other furnishing created by Man through seven moves solely because my grandmother wanted me to have it.