Afternoon tea this weekend

What time do they unload in your asshole?

As they are straight, probably about five after never.

Who cares about your lack of manners then?

After 2 AM, the non-sequitur brigade starts their day.

Evidently.

I want an invite.

Sounds lovely!

I'm in my fifties, & I've yet to try rhubarbs.

Paper napkins? Hyacinth Bouquet just threw herself in the River Thames.

I, too, would like an invite, but, apparently, it's breeders only, except for your gay ass.

Jesus fucking christ you ancient white fag - nobody CARES, OP. R4. Not Greg?

There is no non sequitur. Just your late night drunky post about a tea party you imagined 40 years ago. When people served it like that. How many diaper changes do you require to host a PSW?

Yikes.

R7, my apologies for hauling my gigantic cock out of my pants and pissing up your nostrils for three hours.

Terribly thoughtless of me after all those asparagus.

I won't be late.

PS - I'm bringing a host gift - lovely little soaps for your powder room.

If flowers have a scent, it can overpower the flavor of the food. In a setting for only a few people, I find they are simply a distraction.

But mostly I'm just too stingy to buy them.

Thank you for the lovely little soaps, by the way, R9. I dare say they are similar to those put out for use in luxurious hotels.

If you would be a darling and put them in the bathroom. Oh, and if you use the toilet, flush two or three times, it's plugged up with little soaps.

Far too try-hard, outdoing even Greg in that respect.

Was it the paper napkins, R12?

I'm crashing your tea. Too fab to pass on. Sorry that I didn't r.s.v.p., but somehow my invitation was lost in the mail. I will be dressed in my sparkly caftan and will bring gallon size Ziploc bags.

Excellent, R14! But you might find it easier to drink your tea out of a cup.

Hmmmm....I recognise only two words from OP's entire original post; 'myself' and 'no'

Ah, so this is a stealth miss warwicke scat thread. Wait and see. What a sick old man is she.

You don't have 4 PM where you are, R16?

Shit.

You really are poor.

No Alcohol :-(

Op's tea sounds so much better than mine. I was just going to tear open a box of donuts and some strawberry wafer cookies. I find even that to be exhausting. Oh, and of course, I always rub my face with flour before serving guests so that they think I baked something.

This thread is useless without pics.

Farm stand butter?

R21, my camera that takes pictures of things that will happen four days from now is broken.

I hope this picture of Robert Downey Jr. eating a lollipop will condole you.

I ask for you all to remember Greg in your prayers.

I came home from my bowling league and found him impaled on his largest dildo and wallowing all over the bathroom floor.

I had to call the EMTs, because I couldn't remove it - and I'm afraid the whole trailer park witnessed this.

A sad state of affairs, madam.

Updates R24?

After lubing the dildo with prune jam, did he also stuff up dates?

Turkey? At afternoon tea? And I suppose you'll be serving the French's mustard right out of the jar?

We’re gluten and dairy free, OP. Do you have anything else?

What's a weekend?

R29 A weekend is Saturday and Sunday. But you already knew that.

Shounds senshational! Can I bring schomething?

You might want to rethink that pineapple marmalade OP. Pineapple rind is not digestible.

Tea is made of loose tea in a teapot (no teabags, you will need a tea strainer) with boiling water, cucumber sandwiches (wafer thin white bread, no crust) and a scone with jam and clotted cream. That's all folks.

Sounds hideous OP.

R30 the weekend in the UK starts tonight: happy Platinum Jubilee; and don't take life so seriously, you might enjoy it more.

R35 OP isn't British. 'Roosevelt china' 'farm stand butter' 'pineapple marmalade' etc...

An epic keg stand would be much better.

R37 Agreed!

Where do you live OP? DC, CA or somewhere even more fucked up?

OP = Nicolas Fairford from Thailand

R39, Rhinebeck, NY.

There are at least two Rhinebecks in NY as far as I know perhaps more so you are being evasive OP, again.

Tell me about this second Rhinebeck. I live in the one on the Hudson River near Rhinecliff, which is the train station.

FARM STAND BUTTER. Oh for PETE'S SAKE!!!!

It's what it's always been called, as far as I can remember, R44.

I suppose locally-made butter is also correct.

R27, no, I squirt it through a lowered window as I drive past in my Rolls Royce.

When you absolutely have to suffocate every guest in your teashop, serve OP's afternoon tea.

OP I assume you are more Rhinebeck town than Rhinebeck village.

Sounds lovely! I'd want to participate. My only critique is the coffee. I'm a coffee lover myself, but it has no place at a tea party! Also, 4pm seems a bit late. Maybe 2pm?

You guessed correctly, R48. Although I love the village.

Excellent bookstore and some great old bars.

What about the Jubilee Pudding?

Tea at 2pm? R49 is really fucked up or just working class.

R49 2am seems too early for afternoon tea. At *minimum* it should be 3pm.

R52 Nah, the real working class call their evening meal 'tea'.

R54 OP's tea sounds like dinner, which I understand for the British working class like you means luncheon.

R52, I agree. I have never heard of afternoon tea being served any earlier than 3 PM.

Afternoon tea, which is what OP's menu, is served at 4 pm, between lunch at noon and dinner at 8:00. English high tea is the equivalent of dinner, served after work.

R55 Oh honey, I'm not working class. I'm middle class.

R11 I misplaced the little soaps so I've brought urinal cakes instead. They are delicious and will blend perfectly with your chocolate shells and chive cream cheese sandwiches.

NO FLOWERS!!??!! I'm aghast. How dare you?

Clotted creme

R7 is the Ancient White Fag troll.

Cucumber sandwiches are better with salted butter than with cream cheese, OP.

This cute place has been in my neighborhood for years, but have only been there two or three times. It is pricey and reservations (pre-covid) were needed a week or two in advance. We've ordered the "High Tea" and "The Queen's Tea" menus. Always the 3:00pm seating, always while stoned. The food is awesome.

If you queens won't stop posting about Afternoon Tea, I might need to return here soon.

There is no urinal cake on the menu.

I like OP's 1960s shrimp salad.

lol@ r65! Just getting your joke now (I'm a slow Eldergay).

[quote]Tea is made of loose tea in a teapot (no teabags, you will need a tea strainer) with boiling water, cucumber sandwiches (wafer thin white bread, no crust) and a scone with jam and clotted cream. That's all folks.

Technically, you are correct...but could you find it in your heart

to let Greg bring his hemorrhoid (that's over cover story) pillow?

He's still a little tender...down there...if you know what I mean (in his bussy area).

(And we still need your prayers, I'm afraid the gossips in the trailer park have been very hard on Greg...why some of them even took cell phone videos of him being carried on the stretcher while he was so brutally impaled on that sex toy that he just slipped and fell on...it could've happened to anyone!)

We will be happy to accommodate, Mrs. Greg!

We know Greg isn't married, he's a chubby guy with grey hair, definitely fegalah.

lapsang souchong

clotted cream, eh?

Poor Greg's bussy must be twitching, though with those ample cheeks doubtful he realizes it.

[quote]Not Greg

Gerg

I'd be gracious until one of the str8s soiled my linens. Then I'd snap on them like an atomic blast. Yes, they barely deserve Chinet and disposable coverings.

Would it have killed you to add cod and some frickin prunes?

I'm requesting petit fours, please. I prefer jam fillings and milk chocolate ganache. Otherwise, I will just sit politely(although, my eyes will tell my displeasure).

I'm not associating with anything clot related, these days, due to fear.

No hot line dispenser? No poppers bar? I’m out.

^^ Lube not line.

What would Greg serve the Shit Brickhouse Troll and his husbear for afternoon tea?

Fag food.

Will I be required to don a Fascinator.

Pass those scones, Cass. You're such a hog. You married a great hog, Henry...but then I suppose you know that.

Our Cass has always had such extremely healthy appetites.

I prefer a nice pork pie for my tea. Nothing at all wrong about cream cheese and cucumber.

Would potted meat sandwiches be appropriate for tea?

R86 For many in the 70s (back in the days of margarine, and sandwich spreads), sure. Many people have all sorts of that stuff today based on their age. Sadly Bloater Paste is no longer made in the UK, but those spreads in glass jars still are very popular with working class and pensioners.

Students, as well... strugglefoods:

I know I've heard of sandwich spread, but what was it, R87?

R89 Some call it paste... different varieties/flavours: i.e. Chicken, Beef, Prawn, etc...

Sounds disgusting.

R91 They can be, or they can be fairly innocuous, depends on the quality, and how much is used. None of them are quite as bad as American potted meats though, and not at all greasy like the DL-famous Underwood spreads.

Below James May gives a good demo of them below. Remember, people eat all sorts of unimpressive fare for tea at home.

"farm stand butter"

never heard of it - neither has google, but i love the sound of it.

You're not really selling it as less disgusting when you link to a video calling it the most disgusting, R92...

R94 Not selling any of it other than "strugglefood". I've mentioned pensioners, and others down on their luck still eat these. They were really more the thing in the 70s and early 80s.

Many of these are no more than £1.39 or so.... you get what you pay for! These were 75p

How did your Afternoon Tea go, OP?

Did anyone shake the tea cup off the saucer?

I’m having trouble getting past the turkey and cream cheese…

I say, R97...have you tried powdering your sides?

More Hyacinth and Elizabeth

R97 Same here. That's one unfortunate combo that would have me choosing the crab paste if given the choice.

R96, it was delightful! I wore my best caftan (a clever wardrobe addition involving an awning purloined from the Plaza Hotel) and mother's earrings were a huge hit (wore them as nipple studs). We talked about their summer plans for the Cape (whether to twirl it or simply let it drag on the floor). After two days of eating, they left, still wedged into the wicker.

Don't invite Mike Tindall. He will eat you and your furniture.