More on Grindr's "Thin Privilege" and "Body Fascism"

Jesus. Get over it. Hot, fit people win in the sex sphere - generally. It's not that people who aren't hot, thin, fit aren't sexual or never have sex, but what is a hookup app supposed to do about the general dynamic of physical attraction?

Then use Squirt.

Sheesh!

Maybe less time on the internet and more at Planet Fatness?

R1 IKR? If you are going to have an auction block based on appearance, more attractive people are more attractive - duh.

Thin privilege...what a colossal joke. I'm a relatively thin guy, and I hit up chubby guys all the time, even offering them money which supposedly they all want nowadays, and I get turned down time and time and time again. And no I'm not some ugly troll, I'm a pretty decent looking guy.

The minute you use the term "body fascism" you're gonna start blocking a lot of cock.

Dear Fat People:

Date each other.

So I learned a new word from that article - "Allosexual" which means you are attracted to anyone and everyone regardless of orientation or body type. (Not sure how it is different than "pansexual"...)

But as with our Eldergays, I go back to the same thought-- If you fatties would just learn to want to fuck each other, you'd be in luck.

But 10:1 this "queer person" wants to have sex with someone who looks like a Sean Cody model and is butt hurt when those guys aren't into him

Great minds, R7....

These are the same freaks that slip into your DMs and when they go ignored, they go fn ballistic.

ppl that work out and keep a trim, athletic build want the same. Sorry.

R7 No one hates fatties as much as fatties.

What R10:said. If you want to get fucked by a muscle queen, then you need to also be one. That’s why these Instahos you see on their outings are all clones. It’s just the cold, hard truth when it comes to the laws of attraction.

I do really like all sorts of body types, and I generally do okay with the apps (daddies are in) but I do get hit up by the occasional poorly kept up older dude. And I guess I feel bad, but I can’t pretend I’m interested. At this point, I’ve started to be direct.

One guy (younger, very big) was hitting me up repeatedly on Scruff (“Hey, daddy.” “Hey, daddy” over and over. .) I eventually just said blatantly “I’m not interested,” but then he found me on Grindr and started the same shit again. Ended up blocking him.

This is what I don’t get. Everyone is trying to be accommodating with everything else. Race, sex, trans status, white privilege etc but not appearance? Thin privilege is just as important and people need to start getting vocal about how rude gay men are on the apps (unless you’re an Adonis of course). I agree with the article and if we are in the wokeism stage, people should be guilted into having sex with less desirable people.

I’ve never used any of these apps, but isn’t there a way the designers can prevent such awkward interactions? Some AI component that can decide who’s your type and whether those guys are also into you?

R14, its not "rude" to tell someone you are not interested. TBH, it is annoying when a fat, old dude tries to HMU. Its akin to "the nerve of this dude to think..". Sounds savage but I am being honest. And, the problem is...its happens all of the time, so you feel that you have to be rude after awhile. Esp when they don't give up. The old guys w dick shots is super nasty.....so

R16 in that case it’s no different than saying “not into blacks or asians”. Remove the age filter the body type filter too. It’s the same kind of discrimination.

Just to expand: what if you upload a bunch of pics of guys you think are hot along with your own pics and AI decides which profiles you get to see. Then if you don’t get any matches, you know you won’t have to waste your time.

R17, no, not at all. Sexual attraction is sexual attraction. It has zero to do with HATE. I don't HATE fat or old. I just don't wanna fuck em.

You can filter, but it’s based on the way people self-identify. So; you get the 25 year olds who call themselves daddy.

[quote] its not "rude" to tell someone you are not interested

I mean, I’ve been that guy. I’ve talked in other threads about how I’ve worked really, really hard to get into shape, and I’d like to rate myself as 7. Maybe an 8 in good lighting. But for good and for ill, I do have my extra skin, which turns people off. And I get that. So I don’t like having to be so brusque when I turn someone down.

But then you get the 60 year old with a beer gut showing his pics of his withered hole…

R17, your analogy is akin to saying "If you don't like chinese food, you are discriminating against Asians. If you don't like Mexican food, you are discriminating against hispanics". Sorry, I won't be forced to eat a certain food or fuck a certain person for fear that I am going to be called a racist. lol.

[quote]"So while Grindr is technically a welcoming space for all, in practice it actually self-selects based on normative standards of attraction.

At this point, it's impossible to make statements like "this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard" because each day, we hear something even more stupid.

Grindr and hooking up now has not been, nor will it ever be, an egalitarian system. Grindr is welcoming in that anyone can download the app, nothing more, nothing less.

What sort of idiot thinks that people looking to hookup value anything more than looks and dick size. The MOST hilarious part of these idiots is that they themselves would never hookup with someone who looks like them or would only do so when no other options present themselves.

A lot of people on dating/sex apps are mentally ill.

R20 I am losing weight and I am deathly afraid of loose skin. Im in my 30s but that doesn’t mean the skin won’t still be there. Sometimes I think I should just stop.

You have to stop acknowledging these articles. Controversy will keep them around. I didn’t read it, but I imagine my history with the “rejects” of the gay world, not including trans, would be considered a form of “fetishizing”. - even though it’s not actually fetishizing them. Also, I’ve had experiences where chubs aren’t all that easy or easygoing. When did that bullshit start?!

I think there’s a difference between “I’m not attracted to Asian guys” as a concept and the blatant “no Asians” in profiles. Scream at me for being woke off you want, and you’re under no obligation to be into anyone. But politeness is a thing too.

I was having a really nice conversation with a guy, older, good shape. I made some comment about the steam room at my gym having a lot of older Korean men, “Koreans and their tiny weenies can get lost.”

And…block.

[quote]I was having a really nice conversation with a guy, older, good shape.

Out of curiosity, VOTN, how old is "older" guy? 40s, 50s, or 70s?

R26, I suppose you have a point. There is no reason to say that, but if they keep popping up there comes a point that it has to said. But wait...you made that rude comment to the older guy.....but said what you said about being rude? huh?

R15 - isn’t that the basis for Tindr? You swipe past the uggos and they never know? I’ve never been on there.

Ever since gay media started highlighting the fabulousness of fat black effeminate gay men ("You're Fierce! Own It!"), fat queens started to believe they could attract 10s with the snap of their fingers and a 'fierce' attitude.

In the real world, hot guys don't like hot messes.

Your fierce 'Yass Qween!' attitude is a liability, not a turn-on.

Hot men owe you nothing.

Go on a diet and pump some iron.

Do the work.

Shut the fuck up.

There is no such thing as "thin privilege" or "body fascism" when one is referring to sexual attraction.

What R30 said. Period.

[quote] [R20] I am losing weight and I am deathly afraid of loose skin. Im in my 30s but that doesn’t mean the skin won’t still be there. Sometimes I think I should just stop.

Don’t you dare stop.

I hate my skin, but I’m starting to like my body. And I wouldn’t trade that.

R33, you look good. Keep it up.

[quote] Out of curiosity, VOTN, how old is "older" guy? 40s, 50s, or 70s?

Late 50s. I also have a semi-regular thing with a guy in that range (Asian, if that triggers you) who is utterly amazing shape. I was drooling over his underwear pics from the Omicron of the Seas.

Maybe we should have an official agency that matches sex partners according to some egalitarian system. Right?

What are they talking about? There's tons of trans and people of color on Grindr.

This person sounds like their opinions are formed based on their immediate location, which sounds like it may be in a big city in the "white gay" area. Which just tells me they're an idiot.

R37, they are pissed that they cannot get w hot dudes w a good body.

You can’t force men to be sexually interested in people they don’t find appealing. It has nothing to do with the absurdity of “thin” privilege.

I am a chef at an italian restaurant. If YOU refuse to dine at an italian restaurant, YOU are a racist.

Oy vey.

R33 thanks I’ll keep going. The loose skin won’t define me!! I needed that

R26 it's interesting to me about Asians - when I was younger I had negative attraction to them. Like, they were a turn-off. As I have gotten older and had a few hot Asian friends that I've flirted with (we send each other pics), I am now attracted to them as much as I am anyone else.

My conclusion was that in some cases being overly-picky (e.g. "ripped white men under thirty only") just means people haven't been exposed to enough varieties of other people.

Whats funny is the same people who write about straight white male entitlement regarding love/sex (this WAS published, inexplicably, in everydayfeminism after all) are the same ones screaming fat shaming or trans phobia because you won't fuck them.

R41 as someone who has lost a great deal of weight on Keto in his thirties, you can manage the loose skin if you work out and build up muscle, use some supplement combinations, and there is also some pregnancy-focused body lotion you can get that will help with stretch marks and skin elasticity. You won't ever have a six pack, and your skin may be looser than regular people in some areas, but you can still look good. The skin is still elastic enough in the thirties!

EverydayFeminism is a site that keeps on giving. I remember when I first encountered it I thought it was a parody like Titania McGrath.

R30- A snap of their fingers- that sounds like a gay version of the FONZ.

[quote] You won't ever have a six pack

No, but I swear to god I’m able to see my obliques now.

R47, you sound like you are on your way. No crap food is ever worth it because it makes you feel and look that way. Good for you.

Grindr is so funny. The most judgmental people on there are the ugliest drugged out old queens imaginable. The worst people ever are on that app. If you are cute enough, you'll get tons of dick pics and dirty talk.

R49 you can just have a pulse and you'll get hit on by the fetish whores regardless of appearance. They will find SOMETHING to get off on.

I hesitate to mention this, because it’s not pointless bitchery, and I know how DL feels about open/poly relationships. Three or so years ago; I met one of my secondary partners through Scruff. He’s also Asian, so I guess that wouldn’t do it for a lot of you, but he’s built like Captain America, and that’s not an exaggeration.

Yesterday, I send him a selfie of me at Chichen Itza. He wrote back “You are so beautiful.”

Funny thing is, I believe him.

Local Grindr is full of delusional former hotties - you know the type, think they’re still hot shit in their 50s+ - who bitch that 20 year olds don’t give them the time of day.

I have yet to see a hot 50s plus dude. TBH. Sorry,

R50 I don't even have close to a six pack. I'm brown-skinned, tall, skinny and toned and I get hit up by old queens with a black fetish all the time begging for me to fuck them. Fat fems beg me too. The guys you message and want probably won't message back. But you'll get tons of whores who will stalk you for dick.

This “article” was published over 5 years ago.

The fatty author has probably died of a heart attack.

Caleb Luna looks like you’d expect their to

You have a humanitarian responsibility to fuck me.

OMG R56

Perfect, R57. This is it in a nutshell.

I know fat gays and they usually date each other. Fems often date other fems. But I've seen a fair share of interracial gay couples and despite the difference of skin color, the guys were still identical in body type and personality. The gay clone thing is very real.

R56 Guy has @Chairbreaker as his twitter handle. At least he has a certain self aware sense of humor lol.

R51 ripped Asian guys are the best!

How does one "come out" as brown?

R44 R47 Thanks :)

Declaring your attractions pro/against in a forum like Grindr isn't being X-ist, it's being honest in the interest of avoiding wasted time for everyone.

If you want to have sex with someone who isn't attracted to you, you'd better pay them.

R56- His shirt should say- FAT FEMS Against FITNESS

Isn't their an app for Gay Feeders and their Fatties?

I'm not attracted to everyone. Everyone isn't attracted to me. That's how life works. Are we now supposed to police sexual attraction?

People who do poorly on grindr should try the bathhouses.

To be honest, Grindr is filled with weirdos and lowlifes. I wouldn't take being rejected on it with any grain of salt. People will tap and view yet rarely message or reply. So many on there will ask for nudes and if you give it, they'll block you. Tinder is less sketchy but not much better. I found Sniffies had more success for me.

I mean, you can say the same about DL, R70

R41, try konjac noodles w cauli rice and ground turkey w spices.

I'm a fat older bear in my 60 who only likes fat old bears in their 50s+ . I have no interest in muscle guys or twinks, so I'm not on Grindr. Easy!

This queen feels he has a right to have ex with the slender guys he craves. Guess what? YOU DON'T.

Grindr is the slum of the apps, isn't it? That's my impression. A lot of drug users.

Grindr is great because I can dump all over the weirdos who hit me up. I'm mean as fuck to them. It's so fun.

Water seeks its own level.

R74, its a matter of who you attract. I have met very hot guys and had fun w them. There are a lot of old homely weirdos tho yes.

As if!

This is why bears and motorcycle clubs exist (or used to).

When will everyone stop whining about literally EVERYTHING!

Ohhh! Won't somebody PLEASE think of the Allosexuals?!?!

I’ve only read half of the article; it induced a dull headache.

Too much jargon and circular reasoning, I had to quit halfway through as well

Each individual has his/her own personal desires. Unless it harms other people or is directed at children, nobody should be shamed or denigrated for their preferences.

#WhoreProblems

R5 I’m normal thin. Will you give me some free money?

Grading in school is intelligence privilege! Everyone should get an A.

YES R87! I think EVERYONE needs to be accepted into university, no matter their work or intellectual level.

So, the writer cannot be pleased.

He doesn’t go on GlowLr, because it’s limiting his choices. It caters to bears.

He’s upset that no one approaches him on Grindr or Scuff. Of course, they won’t. Those apps have the young and the beautiful, who hook up with the young and beautiful.

Ironically, he didn’t mention Squirt, the court of last resort. He could easily hook-up there. Yet, doesn’t want anyone old, unattractive and fat because his choices are limited. Apparently, he’s not into men who have his same attributes as he.

He wants what he can’t have. It’s a thin, handsome, well built man, with a big cock, who’ll be sexually attracted to him. Some men, of that type, are into fat men. If he finds one, then he’s wary of his fat being fetishized. I guarantee you, if such a man, with a fat fetish, approaches him, he’ll toss his chubby legs in the air within 10 seconds.

The NFL Draft is talent privilege. We should all be able to get that big money!

WW is wit and wisdom privilege. Every post deserves a gold star! Don’t discriminate!

The lottery is luck privilege. We all should win.

Didn't Scruff used to be for fatties, recognizing fatties is used to describe a necessarily large tent.

It really isn't all about how much of your life you can waste in the gym. I've never set foot in a gym in my life and I get plenty of offers and plenty of sex. While you're out pumping iron or whatever the fuck you do, I'm getting my cock sucked and fucking lots of hot ass.

It's about maximising your assets.

Not every gay man is into muscle you know.

R94, I like the muscles. And, I like to be muscled.

It works for both of us.

And why the fuck is this article on Everyday Feminism?

R96, nobody wanted his article, either.

I don't get it either R96. I don't think straight women get how gay men's minds work as much as they'd like to think. Some of these white straight middle-class feminist types try so hard to intrude in gay spaces which makes no sense. Gay men are just like straight men, what we find attractive is more rigid and very much based around what we find sexually appealing. Gays like straight men have specific tastes and fetishes that aren't very flexible. The whole fluidity and open-mindedness is more a woman thing since women generally take in account more emotional connections rather than just raw sexual attraction. Most men aren't going to hookup or date someone they don't find sexually attractive just because they have a nice personality.

My father said to play the hand that I am dealt.

[quote] People who do poorly on grindr should try the bathhouses

I’m sure they’d be much more successful with their cellulite on full display

Here's the thing about the "inflexibility" of sexual attraction. It DOES change when the person gets older, fatter, poorer ie more unattractive. Old white men who, when younger, wouldn't look twice at blacks or Asians suddenly find themselves more "open" to fucking or dating them... because they now have fewer options. It doesn't mean that hot people should be guilted into fucking ugly people but let's not pretend that it's all due to sexual attraction. Most of the time, it's due to choice. Hot people have more choices and can afford to be pickier. Nothing wrong with that so don't come at me with the screeching. But it is different from the notion that attraction is rigid.

R101 I'm confused. You think whites who won't fuck hot young black men, get old, and settle to fuck average black men? You think hot young black men are not at the apex on the meat market? I'm just trying to figure out your ranking system.

Do you have any research to back up this thesis, r101? I'm in my 50s and my tastes remain the same from when I was in my 20s.

Believe me, it was no privilege,

[quote]"So while Grindr is technically a welcoming space for all, in practice it actually self-selects based on normative standards of attraction".

So, basically-

"I walk out my front door, and there's the real world!"

Plenty of young white guys will fuck or date guys of color. It's more based on personal taste and exposure (living in a city vs suburb) than just "being old and desperate." And plenty of old and desperate gays on Grindr are still pretty damn picky and uppity.

Why these people always complain hot people dont fuck them? why dont they fuck each other? As if they have some standard themselves.

We have gay marriage. Pick one man and settle down.

They would have a better shot at getting hot people if they improved their attitude and gained confidence. Work out and diet to improve their looks and health. And also stop being creepy and stalkerish.

You're not entitled to sex fuckface.

[quote][R5] I’m normal thin. Will you give me some free money?

No sorry, I only like beefy and fat guys. That's why I have to pay for sex. Duh.

Tedious, very tedious.

Difficult colour, fat… very tricky.

Ahh, this old chestnut. Are we sure we didn't already roast the fuck out of this article back in 2017?

[quote]I’ve never used any of these apps, but isn’t there a way the designers can prevent such awkward interactions? Some AI component that can decide who’s your type and whether those guys are also into you?

There used to be filters, but Grindr removed those in the wake of the George Floyd protests.

r101 as stated earlier my preferences have changed to allow buff Asians, but it has nothing to do with me not having less options. I have more options now than ever, especially from Zoomers who are into daddies.

[quote]Caleb Luna looks like you’d expect their to

Funny thing is, if Mx Thing would lower themselves to Growlr, they'd be beating off guys with a stick. Growlr has a good amount of chasers on it too.

It's funny how fatties never want to fuck each other.

R101- Lisa Lampinelli said in her 2008 Comedy Special on HBO she was attractive enough anymore to get good looking white guys so she goes out with black guys- I doubt she was EVER able to get good looking white guys.

R177 nailed it. Chubs want skinny guys, not other chubs. This one, however, complains that he's discriminated against because of it. Lawdy.

R42 Thanks for giving your background on how your tastes evolved. My history is somewhat like yours. I’d actually been with an Asian (2nd or 3rd generation I think) guy when I was in my late 20s. The experience was nothing special. He carried himself the same way as other gay men did 20years ago. It wasn’t til my late 30s, where I watched some interracial porn, Asian-white, that I started to pursue Asian men more regularly. I think by that point I’d also tired of my experiences with fellow white men (bitchiness, flakiness) . My first experience was actually a dud, he was so uptight and talked way too much. My second experience was heaven. Anyway, I still had options, but my experiences with Asian men have been soooo much better.

We needed 120 posts to determine that most gay guys are not into fat ugly guys but there are some who are?

Really?

R121 welcome to the thread. Perhaps you should read it.

FIND ME SEXY OR YOU'RE A FASCIST!

My God. The perfect solution is provided by R7. How did I never see that before? I mean, like, Yeah, fat people, show us how it’s done! Pair up, be all accepting of one another, order seconds and thirds and never feel like you have to make excuses. It’s beautiful, just like you keep telling us YOU are!

Ew, date a fatty? No thank u!

Publishing an OP ED on Grindr is transparent evidence that nobody is interested in your warped out look at me I'm a victim queefiness. It means you can whine in front of the bathroom mirror all you want; nobody wants to fucking hear about your struggle or your journey.

Wearing jeans with a stitched crotch just makes fatties look like they have divided gunts, like a massive double hernia threatening to tear and dump the fat and guts into the pasta bar they're leaning over with a serving fork in each paw.

Fuck THAT.

They just want to force hot people into sleeping with them. It has nothing to do with liberal or progressive virtues.

Remember when Grindr was just about sex and getting off?

Now it's all ✨inclusiveness✨ and body positivity and trans 24/7 and all this other shit that Grindr was never intended to be. Have actual sex? Oh, heavens no! How ableist!

R128 sheer opportunism, I agree.

[quote]Now it's all ✨inclusiveness✨

No one hates a fat like an ex-fat.

Sorry, I'm not into whites.

Semi-relatedly, I got hit on today by a black guy who said he "wasn't into other black guys" 🤔

Did he say that to you personally or was that in his bio?

R135 I should have been more clear. It was in his bio and I am white.

Interesting. Wonder if he's been getting a lot of shit from The Enlightened because of it.

No idea if this practice is still in fashion, but back in the day something like that would get your profile screenshotted and posted online.

R137 oh they're still doing that, it just depends on if the person that sees it is one of those people. I personally find that practice abhorrent though and think others should just block and move on if it bothers them.

Fat fat water rat fifty bullets in your hat!

“If you don’t have sex with me you are worse than a Qanon fascist!”

[quote]ppl that work out and keep a trim, athletic build want the same. Sorry.

R10 exactly. Same here. Sorry not sorry

And that's ALL I ask for. Happy to hookup with fems, Asians, any race, age, as long as they're thin. (Actually I prefer fems, but thats the subject of plenty other threads on here)

If the blubber mountain that wrote the article OP posted (which I couldnt make it all the way through either) wants to hook up with slim guys he needs to be on Growler or one of the sites specifically aimed at chubs and chasers like BiggerCity

R7, dear twinks, get a job.

You'll never be happy with anyone if you hate yourself.

I think people should be shamed to having sex with them. We can make this part of diversity and inclusion. Should extent to the bedroom. I am for this.