Let's be a David Lynch film!

!!!!

I'm the ominous ceiling fan.

I’m the producer who has invested millions when Lynch refuses to give you a script, tell you what the film is about and or stop dedicating days of production to filming someone sweeping the floor.

I'm the midget.

I speak backwards

I'm the emperor's new clothes

I'm the cheapest special effects possible.

I'm the endlessly slow scene of someone doing something boring that should be tedious and annoying but is somehow actually hilarious

I'm the black and white zig zags

I'm the lesbians that don't have sex but just cry and hold each other.

I am the owl. I am not what I seem.

I am the Black Dahlia murder, infusing all his works.

I am the quirky dreamy jazz music

I'm the garmonbozia

I’m the pretense

I'm David Cronenberg and I don't even bother fighting the comparison to or being confused with that buddhist fruitcake's work anymore.

I'm the disdain for the viewer.

I'm the purposefully bad special effects that look like Claymation

I'm the obsession with retro-Americana and its seedy unseen underbelly

I am the moment the viewer thinks they know exactly what's going on before changing their mind and completely giving up.

I'm the sound of Showtime getting ripped off big time.

I'm Laura Dern.

I, too, am Laura Dern.

We're ALL Laura Dern.

I'm Laura Dern's nude body double.

I am the ominous THRUM buried low in the soundtrack. I’m the reason you’re so on edge.

I’m Bill Pullman. No wait, I guess I’m Balthazar Getty?

I'm the 17 characters introduced for one scene each in the last third of Twin Peaks: The Return. Fuck you David Lynch.

I am one of the many participating actors for which this will be either a career swan song or a dead end.

I’m An actor career killer

I'm still Laura Dern

I am the explosion of surrealist imagery meant to invoke a mood rather than advance the plot.

I'm ending every episode of Twin Peaks: The Return with 10-15 minutes of musical performance, credits, and floor sweeping from the roadhouse. And he managed to spend even more of Showtime's money while doing just those parts of the episodes. One or two extra episodes worth of wasted time and money, because he or Frost got writer's block or just shuffled off to Buffalo with the money.

I'm Angelo Badalamenti.

I'm Grace Zabriskie.

I’m the car POV shot of a dark road illuminated by headlights

I'm the secrets you will never know. My only purpose is to make everything mysterious with any real influence on the outcome of the story.

*without any real influence..

I'm Kyle MacLachlan. I embody everything David Lynch loves or fears or wants to be.

I'm the maudlin saxophone.

I am the best thing Lynch has done.

It probably would come out that Mark Frost was behind the credit sequence too.

I'm Robert Blake, and I'm at your house right now.

I'm flickering lights.

I'm a Mexican Chee-wow-wow.

I'm Ann Miller. I don't understand this cuckoo picture but a job's a job.

I’m the road markings on a dark desolate road as a song by David Bowie plays

I’m a bowl of cherry stems tied in knots.

I'm "BABY WANTS TO FUUUUUCK!!!!"

I'm the 80 second scene with three actors yet no dialog and no music.

I'm more interesting than 99% of films not directed by David Lynch.

Bobby killed a guy.

I’m Justin Theroux. These movies make more sense that my on again, off again, on again romance with Jennifer Aniston.

I'm Transcendental Meditation.

Terrence Malick uses me better, artistically.

I'm rapey older men. I'll show up eventually.

I'm the skinned rabbit that played the baby in "Eraserhead."

The original Twin Peaks was so dark and romantic and weirdly comic. And had an oddly comforting cinematography.

The 2017 continuation looked cheap. Was not well told. Was punishingly the opposite of fan service. I’ll never watch it again. Utter shit.

Do you mean you don't often rewatch that 2/3 of the season where Agent Cooper was a ludicrous mute who had to be taught how to urinate?

R58 Waiting for Agent Cooper's full consciousness to return was so frustrating! Fucking Dougie! Lynch was playing with us like a cat with a ball of string.

It was like being wide awake as a kid on Christmas Eve, desperate to open your presents, counting the seconds as they moved toward Christmas Day, each lasting an near infinity.

Honesty, it feels better on rewatch when you know what will happen.

I'm the bright pink paint splatters on Justin Theroux's suit in Mullholland Drive.

I'm the plot that makes zero sense.

R4 - that's what I came here to say. The midget who randomly crosses the screen for no reason.

David Lynch is still pissed at the Twin Peaks audience for demanding answers 30 years ago and then rejecting Fire Walk with Me. TP season 3 was a giant middle finger to the fans.

R63 To me the ending of FWWM is still the true ending of the series. Following "Carrie's" scream, Cooper and Laura are transported exactly to the same time and place (the Lodge exists outside of linear time) as they were when Laura finally sees her angel.

I think people WAY overthink Twin Peaks with all emphasis the elaborate easter eggs and fan theories. To me, it was simply an extended metaphor for sexual abuse and how small town mentality and repression allows for it and the cycle of abuse in general to happen. BOB was never any actual demonic entity, just a way for Laura to repress that she knew her father was raping her, the kooky nonsense doesn't actually happen in Twin Peaks, it's a way for the residents to ignore the rampant mundane horrors happening around them. All the surrealism and stuff was just Lynch putting in aesthetics that appealed to him for shits and giggles.

Fire Walk With Me seems to support this viewpoint and that's probably why it was initially unpopular. It killed the magic.

I wanted to be the midget!

I'm those damn rabbits

I'm Heaven. And everything is fine.

FWWM wasn't kooky enough for most people, I bet. Too much Lynch, not enough Frost.

I AM THE GREAT WENT

R69 Jacques Renault was sexy. But what can I say? I like the bears!

I used to be Laura Dern.

Mark Frost was not involved with FWWM.

I'm the plastic that you-know-who is wrapped in.

I’m Laura Dern and Naomi Watts, shoehorned into the cast of Twin Peaks: The Return, while original stars Sherilyn Fenn and Madchen Amick are basically wasted. What a dick.

I'm the fish in the percolator.

I'm hot daddy Bobby Briggs, the best thing about TP: The Return.

I'm the five minute long medium shot of the mailbox against a backdrop of the Cascade Mountains done in timelapse with eerie synthesized music that starts off barely audible and ends up in a crescendo of noise.

You thought something was going to happen, d'in'cha?

I am damn good coffee.

I am damn good cherry pie.

Lynch needs to start writing for WWE it's his true level and his calling.

[quote]I'm the plot that makes zero sense.

I'm the stubborn conviction that it will all make sense if you just watch one more time.

I'm Laura Dern's screams.

I’m naked Isabella Rossellini.

I'm a one legged woman, a mute 90 year old, and a polar bear. We will appear at the very end of the movie.

His next project: yet another failed pilot that Netflix dropped. Only this time, I doubt he’ll be able to spin it into gold.

Why would the stans stop stanning this late in the game, R85?

I'm urination and the description of the urination