What Happened When I Decided to Teach My Son to Masturbate

Favorite line from article:

When he was full of questions about masturbation— When do people start doing it? How do you do it? What’s an orgasm like?—we phoned a longtime friend he calls his “uncle.” “If anyone knows about tween masturbation, it’s your uncle,” I told him.

As an actual uncle, I am disappointed that my nephews are fat and ugly.

I learned about it from a neighborhood friend. I was 11. I loved it and did it every chance I could.That is until I discovered that sex with other boys was more fun ! I dont think that article was weird.Its perfectly healthy and I think the dads attitude was very cool.

As an uncle, I am disappointed that both my nephews are straight. How the hell did that happen? I don't want to have sex with them. I just wanted more gay people in the family. Couldn't one of them have been gay, goddammit?!

[quote]What Happened When I Decided to Teach My Son to Masturbate

His immediate need of a washcloth or a paper towel.

Pedo troll, Editor. Flames & Freaks please!

Shouldn’t your name be Peg, r6?

If this is real, that kid is going to be really fuc*ed up by that dad. This is not a normal father/mother/son conversation topic. There are some things that kids are supposed to learn on their own. Absence of shame is one thing, but this is just ridiculous.

TMI. Just way TMI.

Good thing we have the internet now to guide us.

Unconfirmed, but the kid wouldn't need lube if the father didn't have him mutilated.

R8 this taboo look at sex is why so many men and women suffer through bad sex, they just let kids learn on their own or via porn.

My dad told me about sex. Masterbation would have been a better topic.l since straight sex was a wasted topic.

Pedometer!!

Show me on the doll where your daddy touched you.

Confirmed: the kid wouldn't need lube if the father didn't have him mutilated.

That kid is going to end up like Brenda or Billy from Six Feet Under. It fucks up kids when parents have zero boundaries.

[quote]Recently, when I went away on a writing retreat for a week, my son put all this talk into action. He brought himself to ejaculation on the toilet. I know this, because the first thing he did afterward was talk to his mom about it. He wanted her to know what had happened

Yikes.

No one has to be taught to masturbate.

[quote] He brought himself to ejaculation on the toilet.

Hands-free, while taking a shit. Poor kid.

R6 Slate needs to go, too. We don't need a magazine normalizing pedo shit.

Dear Nifty,

Utterly disgusting.

This isn't being "sex positive" or other woke bullshit.

FFS - BOUNDARIES.

This is one of the reasons why the world is going to hell - people don't have any idea about "boundaries" all the while screaming that their pronouns are "boundaries" that should be respected.

Well, I'm stating my boundaries. Except in the broadest sense of sex education to provide information about what masturbtion is, you should not be teaching anyone how to jerkoff.

I think I threw up a little in my mouth.

R1, I was just going to quote that. lmao

At least he didn’t take out his dick and show him.

So they’re teaching kids about anal sex in school? Cool.

What makes this article funny is that it reads like Nifty and this father sounds like an effeminate hippy.

[quote] If this is real, that kid is going to be really fuc*ed up by that dad. This is not a normal father/mother/son conversation topic. There are some things that kids are supposed to learn on their own. Absence of shame is one thing, but this is just ridiculous.

I wouldn’t go that far. It’s good to tell your kids about sex and masturbation and how we do that in private. Teach kids boundaries. This family sounds ott. Phone calls? The kid telling them how every jo session went. Come on now. The uncle does it all the time? “Yeah, that’s right!” It reads like satire.

Here’s a photo of the author: BRIAN GRESKO. He wear makeup, and…

“Brian Gresko (he/they) is a writer based in Brooklyn, and the editor of the anthology When I First Held You: 22 Critically Acclaimed Writers Talk About the Triumphs, Challenges, and Transformative Experience of Fatherhood. He identifies as white and gender non-conforming.”

Looks FTM

The author’s bio says he’s trans.

[quote] My dad told me about sex. Masterbation would have been a better topic.l since straight sex was a wasted topic.

Too bad he didn’t teach you to spell.

Author is a pervert. Look at the shirt.

His son whom he’s raising gender-non conforming like himself. You can’t make this shit up.

His Instagram is a freak show.

Photos of his cute painted toenails. This kid is gonna be so fucked up down the line. His father is a mental case.

The author’s nude modeling.

These photos he’s posting of his kid are not normal.

It gets worse.

Touching his dad.

I new a guy who raised by a single dad, and they had a crazy open honest relationship. His dad got a babysitter pregnant when he was 12, and got sole custody of my friend once he turned 18. Their life was wild. Dad performed in a handful of porn movies, and so that's who hung out at their house. But his dad would watch porn and jerkoff in front of my friend and felt that it was normal and healthy and fathers should teach their sons about the penis!

My friend was a completely normal adult and yes, his father showed him how to masturbate. (Lord Have Mercy, I can't believe I just typed this on "Good Friday"!)

The family appears to be Jewish despite this talking about priests. Speaks volumes. Jews are all into this type of crap for some reason, the left wing ones anyway.

Dressing kid in a skirt.

He’s posted child prn on his account.

Why would you repost it here then r42?

The right wingers are going to get ahold of this article and use it as proof the libs are all pervs who want to teach their children to masturbate in school. The soccer moms will be running for the polls to vote Republican on Election Day.

Puh-Leeze... That's hardly child porn.

Real creepy 😖

R18, I’ve seen some bathroom spy vids if guys jerking off in stalls. Some men have absolutely goofy jerk off techniques or seem to be choking it to death. Some assistance and guidance in proper care wouldn’t hurt anyone.

[quote]A couple days later, he called again, this time to tell me that he’d masturbated a second time, too roughly. A drop of blood came out, along with the semen.

This. Never. Happened.

I'll bet Dad has had some same-sex experiences!!! Glad that he's teaching his son to be open minded!

It's difficult to imagine how grotesque masturbation used to be perceived. It's like people thought your every ejaculation should produce a child.

Maybe that was important when people lost half their kids to disease.

This is so weird and creepy

Dear Lord in Heaven!

On ‘Call the Midwife’, when she cut the thong from the drunk, his gangrenous penis slid off with the Spandex pouch.

Perv Thread. BAN OP.....

Parents teach their kids to wipe their butts after they poop, why not teach them about jerking off? It's a bodily function. The dad wasn't demonstrating how to jerk the shaft, they were just talking about it, and he provided some common sense guidance.

A lot of you are processing this through your own hang-ups. Understandable -- but there's nothing pedophiliac about parents talking to their kids about masturbation.

When I saw OP's title, I thought it was going to be some perverted article on the dad literally teaching his son how to masturbate by masturbating with him, ala the premise of at least 25% of nifty stories. Thank God it wasn't that gross, though I guess I find it hard to believe a story like that would actually get published in a major outlet. Considering how much the dad looks like a freak, though, the idea of him jacking off with his son isn't so far fetched. Repressed Catholics tend to be real creeps.

I had a parent who was shamed about sex (and everything else) during childhood. She decided, like the author, to go the opposite route when raising her own kids. Spoiler alert - it wasn't helpful. to put it mildly. I just thank God almighty the internet/social media didn't exist then. What right does this guy have to share details about his son's sexual awakening with the entire fucking world?

"Cool Dad" Syndrome = I teach my son to JO.........Not to be confused with manless "Cool Mom" Syndrome = My SON is going to be my DAUGHTER so I dress him in dresses because he is 3 and already knows he is trans. It is all over our social media.

THE HORROR

THE HORROR...

My dad told me to ask my older cousin because he had a really big zizi and it would be more fun to learn from a big gun.

[quote]A lot of you are processing this through your own hang-ups.

I am proud to say that one of my hangups is the thought of learning to masturbate from my dad.

Sergeant Emma - Alice's sister - taught the Brady Boys.

Hit ignore on R40 ("I know he talked about Catholic school but I still think he's a Jew!" and half the thread disappears.

Look at what he's posted before and it's a lot of anti-Biden/pro-Trump shit

Keep it off social media, dad.

It's one thing to have the "talk " but did he have to write a fucking op-ed about it?

Eww. Oberlin.

Today's parents just love to over-share.

When these stories come up, I keep thinking of the article authored by some frau whose husband confessed to her (after she gave birth to two kids) that he was gay and wanted to see men on the side while remaining married. Not only did she use real names, the article was accompanied by pictures of the entire family, kids' unblurred faces and all. Don't act surprised if those kids come home from school complaining about being teased and bullied by their classmates who caught wind of your article, Mom.

His bio reads like satire but I fear it’s real:

Brian received his MFA in Creative Writing from The New School, and graduated from Oberlin College as a first-generation college student with a self-designed, cross-disciplinary major entitled "Narrativity in Film."

The spilling of seed thing linked to masturbation is a Protestant interpretation of the scriptural story of Onan. I rather doubt that the author heard something like that in a Catholic church in the late 1980s.

Were pebbles involved?

He could have just given his kid a book.

No. Just no. This is just plain wrong.

[quote]I new a guy who raised by a single dad

Please tell me that's a typo.

I don't know any Jews like that, r40, and I'm friends with quite a few. Nice attempt at stealth trolling.

This is child abuse.

ARREST him.

People like this are why we are going to have a socially conservative backlash in this nation. Get your abortions and gay marriages while you can guys!!!

R73 What the fuck are talking about? Speak English!

r65 it could be worse... 2016 - "The Cut" launched a series of videos called "Parents Explain" -- the most controversial were the sex topics for just how cringe they were. So, it's hardly a wonder why the younger gens are so hostile to vanilla sex, sexualitiues and identities but into extreme and dysfunctional roleplay, kinks and fetishes.

r76 It's a problem the left doesn't like to address.....

it hates when it's minorities become normalized because they're afraid they'll leave them -- and then, they end up attacking them. well, the party takes that stance...

whereas the public moves towards the other extreme witha misguided competition of showing just how progressive they are.... by becoming regressive and showing not only their tolerance of the worst and most extreme stereotypes but advocacy for them. And of course, moving on to the next "cause" / demographic on the progressive stack.

but alas, people always forget it and instead find other scapegoats than addressing the problems among leftists as a whole and it's a neverending loop, so with every step forward, we end up with a huge leap back... like after marriage equality was won, several mainstream magazines and newspapers pushed the slippery slope argument conservatives had for decades... so much so you had to wonder if it was intentional.

We saw several push kiddie predators.

Or likewise, what happened to the trans community when they began attacking trans-medicalists as intolerant gatekeepers for wanting to keep the psychiatric diagnosis and reform some of the standards rather than abolish them. back when the greater public wasn't aware of trans because trans in and of itself was geared towards people that wanted to discretely blend in rather than be publically trans-identified. But soon after, the mainstreaming of trans, you had Alok Menon types becoming the face of trans+.

And shit stains being added to the pride flag.

He ejaculated while taking a shit?

I see many Pornhub searches for "scat porn" in his future.

I can’t. The fathers a writer-whore. I hate them all. “He brought himself to ejaculation on the toilet. I know this, because the first thing he did afterward was talk to his mom about it. He wanted her to know what had happened and also ask a question: It felt weird, but not great. Was that OK?”

The old masturbator from the far-away hills.

When the kid is older, he will have all these articles written about his puberty and sex life! He will be so proud!

R40 It isn't completely unheard of for Jewish children to attend Catholic schools, but it is certainly not the norm for an observant non-mixed (interfaith) family. I'm going with Slavic Catholic, by surname, looks, his own claims, as well as appearance.

Jews don't go on about being raised Catholic, and referencing "their Catholic upbringing" or how their parents had the same Catholic approach.

Nice try though mate, trying so very desperately to slander Jews at Passover you little fucker. Tell us more about your brilliant and wacky observations of liberal Jews... I simply can't contain my anticipation! You're such a bad goy!

Re: R39

No one needs a babysitter in the house when there’s a 12 year old there. Maybe if there’s a disabled person also living there, but even then. We took care of ourselves and our grandparents by that age if parents were out.

I first jacked off at 15, didn’t intend to, was just stroking while reading a murder mystery book, not an erotic story at all. I ejaculated & didn’t know what had happened. I initially thought something was wrong with my penis, like I had a disease or something. I almost told my mother I needed to go to the dr. Eventually I realized what it was & what had happened.

I know I sound like I’m from St Olaf for being so clueless, but I would have benefitted from a dad-son talk.

I do remember seeing the movie Arthur about age 10, & the main character says that every time he gets an erection, it’s reported in the papers. I asked my mother later what an erection was, & she told me it happens when you keep your pee in too long. I thought, oh wow, I guess Arthur doesn’t go to the bathroom often enough, & when he does, the media hears about it.

Figuring out on there own how to masturbate is a right kids should have. The backlash is not about prudery, it's about giving something , one thing, to kids where parents don't have to be involved. Helicopter parenting is why now 20 year olds seem to need their parents involved in every aspect of their livea. Fuck off with that shit.

And just like that the article became less hot knowing the dad is some kind non-binary circus freak and the son likely to be the same.

My disciples will make hundreds of thousands of dollars untangling this kid's problems over the years.

Talk about mother issues!

Kids don't need to be taught about sex or masturbation anymore

And they don't wind up like R85 either, confused about what just happened

Because they have the internet.

I don’t know if I even want to read that article. The author’s instagram is…worthy of articles in itself. There’s something really creepy, uncomfortable and “off” about him/her.

I'm a self-taught expert from the 60s. Kids today can learn everything in 5 minutes on the internet.

I, like R85, had no sex education whatsoever and was freaked out by my first accidental orgasm, so I think a parent having a discreet, sensitive talk with their child about these types of issues is wonderful. However, this business of little Timmy giving his parents breaking news updates on his every wank is way inappropriate. And weirdo Dad encouraging Timmy to be genderqueer and objectosexual is beyond the pale.

I also had no sex education but was smart enough to enjoy rubbing my dick and quite pleased the first time it shot out sticky stuff.

Didn't really need any explanation.

When I first had an orgasm I was a bit horrified. OMG did I just break myself?—I’m leaking white….stuff!! This was the early 90’s, before the internet was a thing. I was 14 and lived quite a sheltered life. I had never seen porn. But I knew I rather liked the experience.

Like most millennials, I learned about masturbation from the Roseanne episode in which DJ can’t stop doing it. Good enough!

[quote]That kid is going to end up like Brenda or Billy from Six Feet Under. It fucks up kids when parents have zero boundaries.

There's an element of that, yes. I applaud the father's intention to bring up the subject and to establish that masturbation is an absolutely normal and natural thing, but it's also a subject I would say has some boundaries. You can talk about wanking with friends, with certain adults, in the right setting and situation, but it's a subject that can bring discomfort or bad reactions with the wrong audience.

Parents teach a kid to wipe his ass, but at some point it moves from instruction to a private act. Parents don't need to know a child had a good shit and cleaned himself easily and remembered to flush; they don't need daily reports of how many times the kid beat off, the specific details of ejaculation, what was going through the kid's mind when he blew a load. Explain the basic mechanics, the need, the purpose, why it's a natural thing that everyone does, that it's part of adolescence and adulthood, and then give him some space.

I didn't understand the expert wanker uncle's involvement either - jerking off doesn't "take a village", and the uncle didn't appear to have any insight beyond extensive practice.

I didn't start masturbating because someone taught it to me lol. If anything young children that don't play with themselves are usually the ones that are told not too. And no kid is going to become traumatized after an orgasm. As long as you keep your household sex-shame free they'll be ok.

Ew, gross. Kids can figure this out on their own. I certainly did.

Also:

[quote]identifies as white

wut

Looks like all the IG links have been pulled down. Must have been some heated reactions.

Dad switched his Instagram account to Private. What a shock.

I am forever grateful to my parents for letting me discover sex and my sexuality on my own. It was quite heuristic of them.

This thread is useless without pics!

DL is so conservative these days.

R103 uh, even ten years ago you wouldn't have had gay men insisting that young children be taught to masturbate by their parents. We have been fighting against the "groomer" stigma for decades. It's only lately, with the "kids can make adult decisions" TIA+ crowd that it is resurfacing again.

R87 hot??? there's something wrong with you bro

It’s wacko trannies like the author of that article which are responsible for the renewed wave of anti-gay pushback. It’s really worrying, because I don’t know where it will end.

Fuck off, seriously, fucking right-wing bigot.

He's not trans trans. His bio says he's gender nonconforming which I guess depending on the time of day in the trans universe could fall on the trans spectrum. But dollars to donuts he is a bio male.

Putting his son's sexuality out there in public is wrong. The kid does not need the world to know when he first master masturbated. The child is not capable in giving consent for that personal information to be disclosed. Yes, this guy has no boundaries and is fucked up.

The IG has already been taken down.

Didn't Slate get criticized for publication of an article that bordered on being pro-MAP. Sexuality and children need to be handled carefully. None of this is good for gays, lesbians, and bisexuals, nor for reasonable trans. This is a weird cult. Slate needs to go the way of the original Gawker.

R108 gender nonconforming is part of the trans umbrella.

What sort of bubble do these people operate in to think this type of article would not be controversial? A bubble big enough to contain Slate. We are really headed for a major cultural war in this country.

Sex information should come from parents, so it’s good for a dad to explain things to his son. Hands-on training is the best way to learn a skill.

R107 if you’re calling me a “right wing bigot” I’m not either. Really, that’s the only way the radical trans people seem to be able to argue, by hurling insults like a child would. It’s just a fact: having seen their instagram that author is wacko, and their highly….dubious parenting reflects badly on everyone lumped together under LGBT+. Posting naked pictures of your child twerking and other highly sexualised photos of a child is what gets us labelled pedos and it’s happening more and more often right now. This deserves to be called out. This NEEDS to be called out. So just fuck off with your petty insults; it’s really all you have in your arsenal.

R112, you're not? Then you sure as fuck play on the internet.

Good acting. Well done.

Audience applauds.

I assume ... or hope ... that r111 is trolling.

But to me, what's especially gross about this story is that the father felt the need to air his son's masturbatory laundry to the whole world. That is such an egregious violation of his son's privacy.

[quote]Looks FTM

He looks like Kristen Schaal

R114 Dad sitting down on his son's bed when giving him the tube of KY and the bottle of lotion was actually the creepiest to me. No boundaries, and as a wise poster upthread already remarked, a missing bit of the lesson is that this a private thing. Not shameful, perfectly natural, but private, unless you find a partner who enjoys mutual masturbation.

My parents gave me and my siblings all the same book. They said if we had any questions, we were free to ask. None of us had any for them. The book, and our peers were enough. I don't think this family sounds very healthy to me.

Gutted that I missed this story, though judging by the above post maybe that’s a good thing.

R117 I reckon it could be an interesting yet creepy story, IF IT WERE FICTION, but it was an article published about a real life Dad doing all the wrong things in an attempt at overcorrecting his upbringing.

R117 here you go

R113 mmhmm. I’ve made valid points, even if you don’t agree with them. You’ve done nothing but be a dick.

[quote]his son's masturbatory laundry

Pics please.

Erm thanks R119, I think. It just comes across as totally creepy, and that’s before we even get into the whole dad trans thing. This is the kind of article that the Daily Mail usually picks up on, we can only imagine what the comments section would be like.

R120, your "points" were bigoted shit.

r108 They've repeatedly done it... as did Salon (which took on a columnist), the Stranger, and several other rags... it was a trend in 2015/2016. . .

2015. Lena Dunham's book controversy...

2014. "gamergate" -- there were a couple people (one trans, two not) the media rallied around even after it was discovered they were and went as far as defending it in some outlets of the mainstream press.

2008-2012 - was an odd period, it was mostly the buzzfeed type of sites (can't recall half their names now) and huffington that was also pushing aspects of this trend.. with social justice warriors and the new alphabet soup of predominately straight, cis, females (not trans yet).... and how the mainstream feminist movement and social justice as a whole was shifting to a radical extreme while cosplaying identities across the board but many were focused on gaining entry to gay male circles.

2008 the economic protests -- and the spiraling out of extreme campus politics into the mainstream.

2001-2008 the cry of islamophobia when addressing a shift to American Muslim culture that began heading back to orthodoxy, islamism. earlier muslim immigrants, refugees and descendents were silenced when they highlighted what the new immigrants were bringing with them. (albeit, most of their rhetoric was the complaint of the govt dropping them off in their communities and with little resource where community leaders had argued they needed to be in a place where they could learn to assimilate and integrate given the stark contrast in culture... which was much more regressive than when they immigrated. and this was something happening in many parts of the world, ending up with their communities becoming ghettoized and losing their children to it.) -- obviously, islamophobia was real concern but govts, both left and right, took it to extremes and largely denied the existence of grooming gangs and child marriages in this period. they still largely haven't done much in regards to fgm or breast ironing. -- and on the judeo-christian side, we had the new purity movements... to which many involved in the abstinence only programs turned out to be predators as well while the kiddies were moving into sexual extremes and rebellion, too.

I had a wet dream before I ever masturbated. I didn't know what happened, I remember it frightened me. I told my dad and he was super nice and gentle and explained it to me. I had a great dad. I think I first masturbated when I was 12. I always masturbated lying on my stomach and was surprised when I talked to other kids and they said they did it on their back.

R123 sorry pal, but you really need to work on your debating skills. Using the word “bigot” and swearing at and insulting people does NOT a debate win. Never has, never will.

It looks like a majority are nostalgic for when parents didn’t teach their kids about sex. People brought up when parental sex instruction was taboo and who were indoctrinated into believing kids shouldn’t be taught at home about sex are always going to be uncomfortable with the concept and feel there is something wrong with it. Future generations won’t have such hangups and they will be better off for it.

Healthy communication is a good thing, something probably most of us here never received. However patting yourself on the back and ‘spilling’ details on Slate.com, and social media is NOT HEALTHY for the child, R127.

[quote]Confirmed: the kid wouldn't need lube if the father didn't have him mutilated.

Mutilated = turning your dick inside out in order to become a freak woman.

Also, there's this think called pre-cum. And you don't need lube to jerk off.

i think this communication is perfectly fine and healthy..........just share the lube..........

I wish my dad could have explained sex matters, including the how-tos of masturbation to me. It would have been very helpful and there’s no better person for a son to learn about very personal things from than his father.

Is this child retarded? Billions upon billions of teenaged boys the world over have quite easily figured out how to masturbate without the help of any family members since time began. Does this father think his kid is too stupid to figure it out? Does this child have no male friends?

^ agreed, the whole thing is creepy and fucked up. Discovering masturbation is a natural part of being a teenager growing up. Heck, if my father had “taught” me masturbation I’d have been MORTIFIED and probably never wanted to do it…

Why is he going public with this anyway? Isn’t that a pretty heinous violation of his son’s privacy. Can you imagine the HELL he will get at school if his peers find this shit? I’d want the ground to swallow me up.

Paul Auster's son who killed his baby also lives in Park Slope. Satan is apparently very active among the middle class in that neighborhood.

I had mixed feelings about this at first. On the one hand, it's good to be more open than how things used to be (though I question his account of feeling guilty about masturbating to this day) and at least they were just talking rather than actually inhabiting the same space when the son was wanking. On the other, you need boundaries.

Anyway, the revelation that the dad is "queer" or whatever just makes this troubling. If this is what he'll admit to and put his name to, then I think there might be an alt Twitter account out there with selfies of him looking into the mirror in the women's restroom, dick in hand.

[quote] you need boundaries.

The boundary is that the dad didn’t give his son a handjob or masturbate with him or watch him masturbate. What more do you puritans require?

^ It's hardly puritanical to have "mixed feelings" (which was how I described my initial reaction, before it was tinged by the knowledge of the father's gender craziness). "Pure" and "mixed" are fairly antonymic, I think you'll find.

Can you even imagine as a young kid going to your mum and casually telling her that you have just managed to masturbate to ejaculation whilst on the toilet? Then there is the whole creepy father and ‘uncle’ thing going on.

When did this article first appear, it’s not an April fools joke is it?

[quote] Is this child retarded? Billions upon billions of teenaged boys the world over have quite easily figured out how to masturbate without the help of any family members since time began. Does this father think his kid is too stupid to figure it out? Does this child have no male friends?

R132 I agree. I think the unfit father first came up with the idea for this as story, not in response to an actual need, but to get hits and clicks, etc. The poor kid surely would have figured it all out on his own in short order, just like any other healthy normal adolescent.

Social services and the police intervened and I went to prison.

[quote] The poor kid surely would have figured it all out on his own in short order, just like any other healthy normal adolescent.

The healthy, normal adolescent didn’t have to figure it out on his own since he had a good father do the right thing and teach him.

But it’s not the right thing. Teens need to go through individuation. Learning some things on their own. Experiencing body autonomy and privacy. It’s not like the infancy period with dad changing a diaper. R141.

The father has his son in dresses and makeup, pix of the kid nude, pix of himself nude, etc. CPS needs to be called on this freak.

Of course I’m sure morons on here will somehow blame this on a conspiracy by Libs of TikTok.