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Do your nephews and/or nieces know your gay?

My 12 year old nephew asks me if I have a girlfriend. This makes me believe that my brother and his Christian wife have not said anything to him about me being gay. Their older (college age) kids know, but nothing is ever mentioned or said. I guess every family has their ways of dealing with these things. My sister's kids know and have no issues with it. My siblings and I live in the same city, so I see them at almost all holidays. I'm just curious how many others' nephews or nieces know or don't know. I'm never sure how parents introduce this to their kids - uncles or aunts who happen to be gay.

I told my nephew that I did have a gf a long time ago (which I did), but didn't bring up the many boyfriends I've had since.

by Anonymousreply 57March 25, 2023 10:53 PM

sorry - the subject heading should read "you're" - I type very fast.

by Anonymousreply 1March 7, 2022 3:42 PM

Yes. They've known since they were able to understand anything, so they see it as nothing extraordinary. They've always been completely accepting of me and my partner.

by Anonymousreply 2March 7, 2022 3:42 PM

R2 I feel that is the way it should be. Unfortunately, this is not my kid and I didn't want to make an issue at a family gathering. The next time my nephew brings it up I am going to be honest.

My nephew did ask when he was much younger if I was a "homo." Yes, he went there, which lead me to believe his older brother had told him that.

by Anonymousreply 3March 7, 2022 3:46 PM

Ours are all five and under. They know (we have a very gay family), but only the oldest kid understands what it means. I'm informed the 18-month-old has taken to shrieking "gay!" in public, to the amusement of her parents.

by Anonymousreply 4March 7, 2022 3:52 PM

Yes, my oldest nephew was there when I got a booty call text, & he jokingly asked if it was from a girl.

My niece went through a phase where she was obsessed with marriage when she was about 9. She wanted me to marry her uncle from her dad’s side, who’s straight, but also single like me.

by Anonymousreply 5March 7, 2022 5:31 PM

I'm fortunate that when all my nieces and nephews were born, I was already in a LTR and they grew up referring to both my partner and me as "uncle". The irony is that my mother went to her grave still convinced I was just going through "a phase", even though my partner and I had been together 25 years by that time.

by Anonymousreply 6March 7, 2022 6:01 PM

My seven year old nephew asked if I was a bottom.

by Anonymousreply 7March 7, 2022 6:13 PM

No idea. They're far too young.

I come from a conservative religious background but my sister's partner has a gay father (former Catholic priest) and a lesbian sister.

by Anonymousreply 8March 7, 2022 6:18 PM

gay gay, trans gay or drag queen storytime gay?

by Anonymousreply 9March 7, 2022 6:22 PM

Of course they do. I have five nephews. They love the fact I'm gay. When they were teens, I was the one they came to for advice on girls and drugs. Things like that. Because I always gave them an honest answer. No BS.

They're all in their 20s now and I love seeing the cool, interesting men that they've become.

I've never wanted kids, but I get the allure. They're all a huge source of pride for me. I think if I was straight? I might not have been so impactful in their lives. At least, that's what one of my nephews once told me.

by Anonymousreply 10March 7, 2022 6:24 PM

My niece is 20, my nephew is 18. We're not close, do not live in the same city, and we rarely see each other. I'm sure they would have no issue with my being gay, but it's not something I would bring up (and since I'm single, it's not like I have a boyfriend for them to meet). Their folks know, have known for a long time since the kids were young. My nephew asked me once if I had a girlfriend - he may have been 4 or 5, and I said "no" and his Mother immediately cut in and said "do you", asking her son, to deflect the conversation.

If they were to ask, though, I'd be honest with them.

by Anonymousreply 11March 7, 2022 6:30 PM

They do. It was never an issue although there was once an "incident" which was quite funny, I thought.

My sister was driving, I was in the passenger seat and the three boys were in the back of the van. We were talking about food we liked and didn't like. Cauliflower was mentioned and I said if someone put chocolate on it then I'd eat it , adding, "You know me. I'll eat anything with chocolate on it." My youngest nephew at the time between 4 and 5 years old said, "If I put chocolate on my dick would you eat it?" My sister nearly crashed the van as she tried to smack him. She pulled the van over, dragged him out and yelled at him a bit and gave him a smack across his butt. I don't think he realized how rude it was when he said it. His older brothers did because they sort of froze.

When he and my sister got back into the vehicle, I turned around and said to him seriously, "To answer your question, no, I would not." I thought the whole thing hilarious, but didn't show it.

by Anonymousreply 12March 7, 2022 7:36 PM


WOW. Kids say the darnedest things...

...honestly, I'd have a problem with seeing kids get yelled at and spanked in front of me. But it was good of your sister to shut him down, before that kind of talk becomes "okay" in his mind.

by Anonymousreply 13March 7, 2022 7:46 PM

That's really nice R10 - I love what you wrote. Did you live in the same city as them? My nephews are only 3 and 1 but live about 2.5 hours away. I wish they lived closer.

by Anonymousreply 14March 7, 2022 7:48 PM

Oh, OP, you poor thing. You don't need the parents' permission to be honest about who *you* are. If you don't feel comfortable with follow up questions, just tell the kid to ask their parents.

by Anonymousreply 15March 7, 2022 8:03 PM

I don't like my nephew and niece and their parents. So I don't give a shit what they think or know.

by Anonymousreply 16March 7, 2022 8:07 PM

Yes. Some years back, my nephew, now a senior in high school, causally mentioned one of his friends came out as a lesbian.

by Anonymousreply 17March 7, 2022 8:13 PM

I expect that nieces and nephews are among the very first to know if there is the least suspicion or knowledge that their aunts and uncles might be or are gay.

by Anonymousreply 18March 7, 2022 8:14 PM

Never told them I’m gay - but have always known my husband. One is now 20 - but we never had the “I’m gay” conversation, It would be weird now - since he has always known me with my husband.

by Anonymousreply 19March 7, 2022 8:37 PM

They know they got a ‘weird’ uncle

by Anonymousreply 20March 7, 2022 9:47 PM

R14, I do live close or close enough.

I'm the baby in the family and my older sisters both had their first three kids REALLY young. So those three older nephews actually lived with me from when I was 13-18. Our bond was almost that of big brother. It's really a great, unexpected joy in my life.

by Anonymousreply 21March 7, 2022 11:51 PM

When he was about eight my oldest nephew and I played the Game of Life. He became furious that I would choose a blue spouse and have children.

And he knew I was gay.

I told him I could marry anyone I wanted and the Mr. Blue suited me just fine. He dropped the subject.

by Anonymousreply 22March 7, 2022 11:58 PM

Of course, why wouldn't they?

by Anonymousreply 23March 7, 2022 11:59 PM

How odd and spineless to not be out to your family in 2022.

by Anonymousreply 24March 8, 2022 12:00 AM

[quote] How odd and spineless to not be out to your family in 2022.

The adult members of my family all know, just not my youngest nephew.

by Anonymousreply 25March 8, 2022 12:09 AM

They probably do, but I don't really know because it has never been discussed, as far as I know. They probably say things behind my back, but it doesn't matter because I rarely see them anyway, which is just as well.

by Anonymousreply 26March 8, 2022 12:13 AM

Yes. I’m sure my older cunt sister and her cunt daughter talk shit about me. They are complete Trumptards. My brother and sister-in-law are good people, though.

by Anonymousreply 27March 8, 2022 12:15 AM

OP - EVERYONE KNOWS WE ARE GAY! The irony is that those who still consider themselves Closeted still have a neon sign over their head saying "QUEER".

It's like Alcoholics Anonymous; when were actively drinking, there was NOTHING "anonymous" about our alcoholism - EVERYBODY knew. All a self-created illusion.

by Anonymousreply 28March 8, 2022 12:19 AM

Conservatives seem to be completely naive when it come to situations like this so they end up gaslighting their kids about gay relatives until they are old enough to figure it out for themselves.

by Anonymousreply 29March 8, 2022 12:23 AM

I had to explain to my then-seven-year-old (step) grandson why he had four grandfathers. It was cute.

by Anonymousreply 30March 8, 2022 1:29 AM

My niece and nephew were about 12 and 10 when I came out. I was told that my sister in law wanted to have this serious talk with them about it, how as a family they should be supportive of me, do you have any questions, etc. Apparently they were both like, “yeah, okay, so? Can we watch tv now?” I always thought that was cute.

They are in their 30s now. They live on the other side of the country so I don’t see them as much as I’d like. They are great people and have always been good to me. They love my partner, too. I love them SO much and I am glad I have them. Since I never had kids, they are the next best thing. I was a teenager when they were born, and often babysat. I cherish those memories.

I waffled in my life about having kids, and ultimately never did. Well, I guess I still COULD, but then I look at my gay friends who adopted when they were in their late 40s/early 50s, and FUCK they look tired!

by Anonymousreply 31March 8, 2022 1:45 AM

It's something I've always wondered. I have 20 something nieces and nephews including children of theirs. It's never discussed so I assume they all know. Nobody talks about their sex lives so I don't mine. Only a couple ever bring it up, letting me know they know. I don't think any of them really give a shit. It's just a given.

by Anonymousreply 32March 8, 2022 2:12 AM

Yes, they know. One of my nephews is gay as well.

by Anonymousreply 33March 8, 2022 2:16 AM

r28, only gay people think that everyone is gay.

by Anonymousreply 34March 8, 2022 3:02 AM

R25, I repeat - How odd and spineless to not be out to your family in 2022

Simple terms - "some men like other men, some men like women. I like other men. Want to watch a movie?" Why would it be some strange ordeal? It's just a matter of fact thing for young children to know.

by Anonymousreply 35March 8, 2022 3:06 AM

R35 You're probably very young and didn't grow up in an era when someone would put a gun to your head because you were gay or perceived as being gay. Don't assume every gay person grew up in a loving home or among socially accepting peers. I'm glad things were easy for you.

by Anonymousreply 36March 8, 2022 3:43 AM

Well, I’ve slept with all my nephews, so obviously they know.

by Anonymousreply 37March 8, 2022 3:48 AM

R1 Don’t apologize to these bitches OP. It’s a typo and let them act predictable: they can’t hurt you/they don’t know you!

by Anonymousreply 38March 8, 2022 3:52 AM

Yes, they've known since they were pretty small. They asked all the usual "Where are your children?" questions and I told their parents to tell them I'm gay. One of my nieces is gay and I hope it makes her feel less strange knowing I'm gay, even though she hasn't brought it up.

by Anonymousreply 39March 8, 2022 4:20 AM

How could they *not know?

by Anonymousreply 40March 8, 2022 4:27 AM

Mine all know. One of my younger nieces was fond of creating board games and one of them had a “resting” square called the gay bar, whereupon one lost three turns, being that one got “distracted cruising and dancing.” Do not pass go.

[quote] my sister's partner has a gay father (former Catholic priest)

And said father still had a window of opportunity to sire a child? Or was she adopted/surrogated?

Nice of you to compare being gay to being an alcoholic, dickhead at r28.

by Anonymousreply 41March 8, 2022 9:08 AM

My 13-year old nephew did a video interview with my brother-in-law for his class. Even though I's a lot closer to my nephew, I got the feeling my brother and his wife did not want him to interview me because they are ashamed. Plus, me being gay would not be a good look for their religious school that my nephew attends. I probably wouldn't have thought about any of this if my brother didn't act like he didn't want me to know about this after my brother-in-law brought it up.

by Anonymousreply 42March 25, 2023 4:14 PM


by Anonymousreply 43March 25, 2023 4:16 PM

I meant to ask if you think my brother and his wife were being reasonable by suggesting their son interview the straight uncle instead of me.

by Anonymousreply 44March 25, 2023 4:19 PM

I am caretaker to my elderly father I'm around my siblings families quite a bit. I normally don't give a shit, but do get tired of feeling like some dirty little secret being swept under the carpet.

by Anonymousreply 45March 25, 2023 4:22 PM

R7 Are you?

by Anonymousreply 46March 25, 2023 4:27 PM

They probably do know even though we've never discussed it. We're weird like that.

by Anonymousreply 47March 25, 2023 4:37 PM

Op, tell your niece “I don’t have a girlfriend because I like sucking man cock”

by Anonymousreply 48March 25, 2023 4:41 PM

I've been with my partner 40 years, so all my nieces have known. We got married about 10 years ago and just had a few people present. One niece called me an asshole for not inviting family, she laughed while saying it, but she was right I suppose. I didn't want to deal with mom drama, and they're all 2000 miles away...

by Anonymousreply 49March 25, 2023 4:51 PM

My sister didn't tell my niece and nephew about my sexual orientation. She's 100% fine with me being gay, but I don't think she wanted to 'out' me; she saw it as my decision to make.

by Anonymousreply 50March 25, 2023 4:58 PM

My nieces have grown up with me being their gay uncle

by Anonymousreply 51March 25, 2023 4:58 PM

I think it's healthier to move on from your family if they want to keep in the closet. I've had the same issues with siblings and just felt oppressed being around them during the holidays. Having to keep my mouth shut while hearing about everything their kids are doing. There are so many conversations one can take about school grades and soccer practice.

by Anonymousreply 52March 25, 2023 5:35 PM

Two nephews, 11 and 12. I told my sister to tell them whenever she thought appropriate. Last year one of them made some remark about someone being gay in scholl in derogatory terms and my sister told them i was gay (we are all quite close). Next time we met was Christmas lunch where the oldest immediatly said after sitting down, You know Uncle is gay , do you have a boyfriend. I said no and became a non-issue to this day.

by Anonymousreply 53March 25, 2023 5:39 PM

I don't care I dislike my nephew and niece.

by Anonymousreply 54March 25, 2023 5:53 PM

R53 I hope he apologised. It saddens me when I hear children of that age being so effortlessly homophobic.

I pulled up my nephew when he said something similar. I didn't shout at him, I just calmly asked him not to say those kind of things around me. To his credit, he looked very sheepish and apologised straight away. It was as though he didn't mean it, but felt he had to say the "expected" thing.

by Anonymousreply 55March 25, 2023 6:09 PM

Reminds me of my childhood, when it was expected that me and my sister and cousins intuit that our straightlaced, buttoned-up, dutiful civil service worker aunt (my Dad's older sister) was lesbian and silently tolerate it (not accept it), without anyone ever breathing a word about it or allowing discussion or questions on the matter, and without my aunt ever openly dating or talking about her partners (except as 'good friends' or 'travel/hiking companions').

Granted, it was the 1980s-90s and a conservative smalltown, but looking back it's still so ridiculous and sad that my aunt & family felt she had to be so closeted, conscientious and careful around kids and with her lifestyle in general, when her messy siblings (my other aunts & uncles) were leaving kids all over town, working through multiple spouses and getting divorced, getting arrested, falling down in the alleys with alcohol problems, etc. Even my parents, though better behaved and more law abiding, still got to kiss and show intimacy in front of us or the world. I never saw my aunt even hold hands with her girlfriends (that I knew of, she had three main serious ones in her adult life), let alone anything more, and that must have been so isolating and lonely especially in our tiny rural community. It's heartbreaking and a really sad waste. My open-minded more well-traveled Mom was really close friends with her at one point, as well as being sisters-in-law, and my Mom let her essentially help raise us on a daily basis, so it's also strange that she never thought to tell us kids that our dear aunt is gay and that it's ok.

That aunt and the rest of my aunts & uncles & cousins estranged from me & my parents & siblings when I was a preteen, over a will dispute that erupted over my grandmother's big farm. Once the dust cleared, my aunt left the family and the town (but not the county/region, I'm told, which is..odd), cut off almost all contact, and neither me nor my folks ever saw her again. I haven't set eyes on her or spoken to her in 14 years, and the last time I tried to approach and say hi (with my sis--we went to her work to try and catch her for a "hey jsyk we graduated/it's been a while/how are you/sorry for all the legal shit" chat.. probably ill-advised and rude on our part, but we were kids then) she chewed me out and told me to get lost and not talk to her or come around, presumably hurt over my parents' part in both the will dispute and her closeting. She made my poor little sister fucking cry. So I figured I'd respect her vehement wishes and let her close the chapter if she wanted. The weirdest part though is that she still kept sending me and my siblings birthday cards til we were like 25, and that was all the communication we got.

It's too bad, because I think she might like to know that her beloved niece grew up to be gay, too, as well as a feminist. I think it's really too late to reconcile and mend fences now, though. Too much has happened, has changed, and been missed on both sides. We could have tried earlier to get in touch, perhaps, and she could certainly have been more open to it, and not scapegoated little kids over an issue she had with her brother. Her estrangement felt like losing another mother for little me at age 13. A miserable situation overall.

In response, I now make a point to stress to my young boy cousins (aged 8 & 12) that when they're old enough it's perfectly fine if they want a boyfriend or if they want to be single rather than cave to pressure to get a girlfriend, and that it's acceptable to like theatre/fashion/'girls' toys and cartoons' etc.. Their dad is an insecure straight jock and Mama's boy who keeps trying to push them to do super masc/hetero activities, so I like to challenge that where I can (he hates me lol).

by Anonymousreply 56March 25, 2023 10:39 PM

R56 Thank you for sharing. This sounds very similar to my late uncle. He became a priest, most likely to avoid being pressured into marriage. When I was older my mom had always thought he was gay and when I saw him when I was a teenager I realized he was. Not by him admitting to it. I just knew.

by Anonymousreply 57March 25, 2023 10:53 PM
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