I Just Shoved a Grape Up My Butt

Whine

Jelly

Now put some cheese up there.

squeeze you butt and make some wine

It feels so...

right.

How do you know if you have worms? Hard boil a dozen eggs and buy eleven lemon cookies. Each day shove a hard boiled egg up your ass, wait a few minutes and shove a lemon cookie up your butt. On the twelfth day shove the last egg up your ass and when the worm comes out and says "Hey where's my lemon cookie" hit it on the head with a hammer.

When life gives you grapes, make juice!

Wait 9 months for the little grape baby.

Thanks for all the good advice so far.

The Grapes of Wrath

Oh shit!

Amateur. Try a watermelon, then get back to us.

It's there.

It feels good.

But it won't last forever.

How do I deal with this?

Eat Mexican.

I can tell you're fond of raisin hell.

Next time try a banana or cucumber.

I didn't do it for a sexual thrill.

It's a Zen exercise.

Green or red?

Was it grape-rape?

Seeded or seedless?

Just one?

You are tedious OP. Die in a grease fire.

Imitate the ping pong lady in Priscilla Queen of the Desert.

It can be a party trick you roll out at your first “We Survived Covid” party.

Did you have Beulah peel it first?

Next time try an ice cube, always gives me a little chill

You better think up a good excuse to tell your mother when you have to go to the hospital and have it surgically removed.

R26 do you have to have your shit surgically removed every day? No? Because it's mass of leftover food waste? Like a grape? Right.

^ Someone got an "A" in biology. Good for you

^ Someone can read. Good for you

R27 has obviously never heard of Spastic Sphincter Syndrome.

You've succeeded in making me jealous.

Please shove fentanyl up there next.

Once in New York I hooked up with a guy I met on manhunt. He had me meet him at a subway stop up in Harlem where I got into his car and drive to his apt. We smoked some weed and were going at it then he got up and came back with some frozen grapes. I let him out like three in me.

Senator Graham, grapes are not marital aids

"^ Someone can read. Good for you "

Aww, someone's feeling a little silly about now, don't worry, you'll get the next joke... Or not :)

Raisins

Kegels are not a "Zen" exercise.

R1

Fucking marry me, I never laughed so hard in a long-ass-time!

Ha hhahaha

[quote]Aww, someone's feeling a little silly about now, don't worry, you'll get the next joke... Or not :)

^troll

Aww, someone thinks he's funny.....but he's not :)

^ Did someone hurt your feels?

[quote][R27] has obviously never heard of Spastic Sphincter Syndrome.

I don't have any anal or rectal diseases so no I have not heard of it and don't really care to know what it is.

^ Hahahaha! It's not a disease

^ Hahahaha! Nobody cares

^ You sure do, God you're dumb

^ You sure are clueless with horrible reading comprehension. God you're dumb and don't even know it. Maybe start with Hooked on Phonics and expand from there.

^ Hi I'm R37. I'm a troll. My pronouns are clown/clownself.

Tell your wife, Lauren Boebert, to stop being such a cunt.

OP, just shove that grape right the way up and you could have it for breakfast!

This is R37

If you shoot it across the room the guys will tip you better. Trust.

Are you going to eat it when you're finished?

This too shall pass...

Is it still possible to locate your shithole under that pile of 100-lb flabby lardy hairy ass, OP?

AMAZING GRAPE!

Try a durian, OP

It was obviously a Lucite grape.

Duh.

OP you share too much.

R58, My therapist says it's healthy.

This is how Grape-Nuts are made.

I suggest a couple of meth rocks.

If it was a seeded grape, prepare to sprout a vine from your anus.

R60, I wrap my nuts in grape leaves.

I bet it was more like a jar of grape jelly.

Is you hole agape with a grape?

There's been a lot of humorous responses, but I just want to clarify that I did this as a philosophical exercise.

And I'd appreciate it if you'd all please respect my privacy during this time.

I'm working on a lot of trust issues with my therapist.

And shoving a grape up my butt gives me one thing in my life that I have complete control over.

This isn't a dress rehearsal, people.

This is my life.

"My father's a proctologist and my mother's an abstract artist. That's how I view the world.” — Sandra Bernhard

Grape Expectations, by OP.

[quote]And I'd appreciate it if you'd all please respect my privacy during this time.

Privacy

I do not think it means what you think it means.

Well, isn't OP The Grapest Showman!

Pop it in a grape Martini and offer it to the man of your dreams, telling him that you've put every bit of your being into making the cocktail. I'm sure he will be so impressed, that soon enough you'll be writing to mention how you're getting married in June... And there won't be any grapes to be seen within a 100 mile radius.

So, what happened?

Vine, R72. OP should be checking for tendrils.

Or he needs to follow up with a chunk of pineapple and maybe a piece of cantaloupe.

Say your butt gapes?

If you're flying Ryannair, I'd keep quiet about it, OP. They'll charge you for an extra carry on.

A lady never uses the word "shove."

Just going to leave this here

Tell us if when you look in the mirror, you see any grape seeds stuck in your teeth, OP?!

OMG, R781 "Strong Zander! Strong Zander!"

DID YOU CRAP IT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH YET, DUMBASS OP?

Next time, try shoving a turkey up your ass, OP.

The price of grapes is going up.

Oh dear.

"The Grapes of Ass"

Get it out and eat it

R85, that's not cold storage!

Next time I'll try something exotic.

Seedless perhaps?

Try a whole bunch, OP, so they look like roids hanging outta your ass. The purple grapes, need I add.

I just want everyone to know that I meant "grape" metaphorically.

You don't think I'd shove an actual grape up my derrière, do ya?

Oh yes, we do.

Dolph is watching this thread carefully. Expect more plastic babies soon.

Why did you choose a grape? Was it a typo and you meant a grapefruit? You are after all a DLer prone to sticking objects up your hole, so that's a legit question.

R92, I found out I was allergic to citrus fruits when I shoved a kumquat up my bum while watching an America's Next Top Model go-see compilation on YouTube.

I assumed my inflamed anus was due to the fruit, but perhaps it was a nervous reaction to seeing the models rush to their fashion show interviews. The ticking clock filled me with excitement, but also anxiety!

What is a metaphoric grape?

I don't remember this from HS English class.

I think that I shall never see

A poem lovely as a grape up my butt.

It goes in smelling like Napa Valley but comes out smelling like Fresno.

I hope you like raisins, OP!

Metaphorical raisins, R97.

Will, I told you to take it out and stop smacking people.

My god I hope it was peeled!

Boop it out!!!!

The grape up my butt was a rite of passage.

If you've never been there, you wouldn't understand.

Bruce Willis never shoved a grape up his butt.

How do you know? I thought Bruce was rumoured to have gotten on to his long road to Hollywood by being a male escort.

For men or women, I never heard.

The Grapes of Ass!

It better be the grape juice of ass by now. It's been nearly a month.

Now you're just some celery, walnuts and a cum dump short of a Waldorf Salad.