Things Your Dad Said

Why the hell would I pay $4 for a cup of black coffee when I can make 150 cups of Folgers at the house for $5?

Shut that door, the AC is on

Just because Saturday is after Friday does not mean it is a free day.

“Move that shit box outta the way!” Said to every slow driver of a junky car ever!

Kids are to be mostly seen and not heard. I'm hearing too much right now.

Watch the teeth

The Democrats are ruining the country

The Republicans are ruining the country

"Did you feel anything hit you in the ass when you walked out of the store? It was my change." said when I'd paid what he thought was too much for something.

"He couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel." said when he was describing someone inept or dim-witted, apparently attributed to LBJ.

"Go play in the traffic!" well, this one is pretty self explanatory, I guess.

"If I were in charge..." Every fucking night, during the evening news, he'd fantasize about being president and tell us how much better the world would be with a regular guy like him calling the shots. My siblings and I would humor him while our mom, who ran his life for him, rolled her eyes.

You'd bitch if you were hung with a new rope.

"If you don't go to college, you'll end up in a job picking fly shit out of pepper."

Whenever I or my siblings would spend money — on anything — he'd say "I hope the well never runs dry."

When I was 12 yrs old I overheard my drunk father say to my drunk mother about me: I know I’m (my older sisters) father but what about that other thing (me). I felt like I got stabbed in my heart. Ironically I was his caregiver when he was dying and my sister did nothing for him. Isn’t life funny?

Boy, some of you were from some really trashy families.

When I was in trouble, he would say “Your ass is grass and I’m the lawnmower”

[quote]Don't mess around with girls in your own neighborhood.

And that was the full extent of my sex education from him.

I once asked him what syphilis was and he told me to look it up in the encyclopedia.

I always had (and still have) a really bad sense of direction. When I first got my driver's license, I used to borrow my parents' cars. I was asking my dad for directions on how to get somewhere and I said: "I'll get lost," etc. He said that as long as I had enough gas in the car, I'd be OK.

"Now I'm really HACKED OFF!"

"Judas Priest!" or "Jiminy Christmas!"--the closed things to foul language I ever heard him say.

"Don't make me turn this car around"

On every single trip we ever took

Every time I misbehaved... "You're not my kid, you must be the milkman's kid"

“Watch what people do, not what they say.”

“No one drives INTO a hurricane, you damn fool!”—when I offered to come help him evacuate.

When I started socializing as a young teen: “Have fun, be safe, and don’t forget that you represent our family”

“Good night, sleep tight, we love you.”

"Vamanos!" when he thought I was lagging at something.

My dad was the whitest man possible, and he didn't speak Spanish.

"Another million? I just gave you a million last month"

Uno is skating to an overwrought composition of Bolero.

If you don't get your shit together then I will get it together for you.

Sorry, R26 was posted to the wrong thread....

"Belch!"

Every family tree bears the occasional fruit.

"I don't care as long as I don't have to pay anything. The bastard's probably not mine anyway."

When I came out: "You're my son and I love you. Now stop borrowing so much money from me!"

Every overweight person you meet will always be depressed and blame someone else for their weight and problems.

Every problem can be solved through a healthy diet and good exercise.

"You can get two candy bars tonight."

That was it. Last words he said to me as we stood in line at the local market.

Never saw him again after he dropped me at home. I was five.

What a POS, R35. You are better off.

Hold onto the rail when you walk down the stairs!!!

Don’t change lanes! Stay in ONE lane!!

Now WATCH this - THIS is how you wash a pan. If you don’t pay attention and wash and dry the pan completely it could grow ecoli and then it could KILL YOUR MOTHER!!

Ho Ho EVERYBODY LOVES your mother….

I Love you! I’m going to squeeze you until your ears pop!

"They're my meat and potatoes."

He was pointing to his IV bag in the hospital. I was 5 years old when I went to visit him in the hospital and he was dying.

I went to the ER a few years ago after getting rear-ended while on my way to Target to buy a kettle. No major injuries but the doctor wrote on my chart 'suffers from severe depression.'

No fucking shit.

What in the Sam Hill do you call yourself doing?

Fucking ridiculous

If you have to wipe more than twice, you’re not done going.

When he’d fart (which wasn’t often, he’d say one of two things depending on his mood: ‘Hark I hear a buck snort” or captain who?

If you're gay, you can go find a new family.

My father was a violent, abusive alcoholic. He once found me playing with one of my sister's Barbies. He beat me severely with his belt, and forced me to wear my sister's gingham dress for a week. I had to wear it while we had company, to the bemused embarrassment of our visitors.

Things he didn’t say: anything bad about my mother, who said awful things about him.

As a grown adult, I understand pretty much everything about them. I truly admire his restraint, and that he never spoke a word against her, to us. He had many faults — many. But he was a gentle man.

"Pollution is a communist plot."

Said in all seriousness.

"Boys can have sex before marriage but girls can't"

Me: "So the boys are having sex with each other?"

That really pissed him off.

"I'll kill you if you embarass the family" Said after I came out to him.

I don't get over it, I just get through it.

"We can't trust anyone outside these four walls," "we're all we have," and "There's no such thing as a friend. Everybody's waiting to stab you in the back as soon as they get the chance."

He said these kinds of things constantly. He didn't seem to like us having much to do with the outside world.

If we mentioned anything we wanted that cost money. "Want in one hand, shit in the other, and see which fills up faster."

“Be quiet” -

"No son of mine is gonna be a Fairy! Now take your mother's dress off before I have to give you another spanking!"

Sorry Dad, the spankings didn't work!

When I told my parents I was gay my dad said: “We love you. Be safe and we want you to be happy. Where do you want to go for dinner ?”

Clearly, I miss my mom and dad.

My dad was a big spender compared to my mom who was a big penny-pincher. So he was always saying "You mean to tell me I work 40 hours a week and can't even afford (whatever it was he wanted at the time)? What the fuck am I going there for then?"They were always arguing about money.

“Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has them, and they all stink.”

My dad was an active listener. He didn’t say all that much.

I guess that’s why everyone liked him so much.

"I don't work for the ___ company!" in regards to being wasteful (electric company, gas company, etc)

"We don't need a dishwasher; this is why I have kids"

"Don't marry an Italian. They're hard on their women."

If ya wanna lose weight just pull away from the table.

Do as your mother says.

Don't shit where you eat.

"I can't believe you'd let another man stick his pete in you."

[quote]"Emotions are depression and people who are depressed have too much time on their hands."

This is absolutely true. My mother used to say the same thing. People who are busy and engaged in life are usually not depressed. Most depression is caused when people have too much time on their hands and sit around ruminating.

Aw, yeah, suck that cock.

Watch the teeth, kid.

R62 That is absolutely one of the most ignorant things I’ve ever read.

"Donald Trump will destroy the Republican Party"

[quote]Don't mess around with girls in your own neighborhood.

Advice I effortlessly took.

Money talks but wealth whispers

"Did you get any pussy?" He would apparently ask my older brother whenever he went out as a teen and came home late. I didn't hear about it until years later.

And what did your dad say to you R68?

"Did you give up your hole again, you little slut?"

R69 I never went out. I just went to school and came home so there was nothing to say to me.

"if you're going to do a half-assed job, don't do it all."

"there are no problems, only solutions." (yeah, i know he took that from John Lennon, one of his heroes)

"Your parents are always right, even when they are wrong!" Yes, I went to therapy.

Son it’s going to take a long time to get where you’re going.

[quote]When I was in trouble, he would say “Your ass is grass and I’m the lawnmower”

r16 = Eric Forman

When we swore out loud, exasperated, he’d yell,

“Watch your fucking language!”

We used to laugh and laugh at this all the time, lol.

"You can't go to Yale, it's for rich kids."

When asked for his most important life advice, my dad would always say "Go to church and brush your teeth."

Typical dinner table conversation:

If you do that again I'll stab you with this knife!

Get over here and suck me off. My feet too!

[quote] He beat me severely with his belt, and forced me to wear my sister's gingham dress for a week. I had to wear it while we had company, to the bemused embarrassment of our visitors.

Did they laugh at your puny cocklet?

There you go, calling the cops on me because I punched your mother, like a little faggot. Mind your fucking business!

I overheard him say that his life had amounted to nothing, he had nothing, and that death would be a relief.

I was around 12 or 13 years old.

Ya wanna be poor act RICH

Ya wanna be RICH act poor.

R83 I bet ur dumb ass thought he came up with that all by himself.

“Tough Titty!”

Why were they so *mean* back then? Just monsters.

Yeah, a lot of these dads sound really awful.

“They say...” whatever he was expounding on We’d always laugh at him and ask who “they” were ....“How the Christ do I know!”

Judas Priest!

OP your Dad sounds like mine.

Just the other day, R86, my deadbeat friendless deplorable father pulled me (an adult) in front of our entire community group, and essentially screamed down my neutral discussion points, taking it as a prime opportunity to call me a weak over-emotional little bitch with no future. He also implied that it was only because I’m a depressive dyke that I’ve escaped rape and assault.

As I barely reacted in the moment and kept my cool since, he now thinks after a week or two that it’s water under the bridge, that I’ve forgiven and forgotten. He may or may not be in for a surprise one unspecified day. Luck doesn’t hold forever, and isn’t that too bad?

“It’s all bullshit.” Really, his go to phrase.

My dad was helping me with differential equations and said gingerly "Son, know when to fold your cards."

And you are . . ?

He described Arlene Dahl to me as an actress with "big bosoms." I was five.

I dont think most of these dads are bad at all. Whad ya grow up in fantasy land ?

I never saw a hearse pulling a U-Haul.

My thoughts too, R87.

OP, no offense to you, but I hope you don't actually believe what your father told you. "Emotions are depression" doesn't even make sense.

[quote]my deadbeat friendless deplorable father

That made me think of something. In all the time my parents were married, my father never received phone calls. Nobody wanted to talk to or deal with him. This was the 1960s-70s when we all knew the telephone was ringing.

"Don't tell your mother about this - it's our little secret."

Lock the car doors there are (the N word) around.

Go play with razor blades on Front Street.

Your friend Jimmy seems a little light in his loafers.

Stay out of my underwear drawer and give me back my jockstraps!

My friends would ask me, "Why is your dad such an asshole?"

Envy no one until you've walked as mile in their shoes.

Better a has-been then a never-was.

Don't pork fat gals named Muriel.

R97 I kind of agree with my dad on this. People who make everything a production and get too emotional on every issue are probably depressed.

I do agree that people who are depressed usually have too much time on their hands.

Depression just happens, sometimes. My mom was one who always kept busy, always put one foot in front of the other, etc. Then, in her 60s, boom - depressed and suicidal. It was somewhat situational, but I'd say her reaction (the level of her depression) seemed out of proportion to the situation.

R108 depression usually entails low affect. Jsyk.

My dad would jokingly tell my brother, who had a horrendous overbite, "if you keep misbehaving, I'll slap your teeth straight. No need to see an orthodontist or anything fancy like that."

My mother would call him Mr. Bird (affectionately) because his answer to anything that may cost money was "is it cheap", "we can go out for dinner as long as it's cheap". etc. cheep, cheep. *sigh* I miss my crazy parents.

My dad was a quiet droll guy from the "greatest generation".

If I did something dumb he would bail me out without yelling but say "you get to make this kind of mistake once". It was effective.

Depression is a mental illness. It deserves no stigma and it's normal. People with depression deserve compassion, not scorn.

Emotions are also normal. Sorry your dad did such a number on you, OP. I hope you didn't have kids.

[quote] My father was a violent, abusive alcoholic. He once found me playing with one of my sister's Barbies. He beat me severely with his belt, and forced me to wear my sister's gingham dress for a week. I had to wear it while we had company, to the bemused embarrassment of our visitors.

Did they point and laugh? Did you have to sing humiliating songs and perform degrading dances for them?

This one was more of a collaboration between my father and his brother. There was a gay rights group on TV and, after their spokesperson had finished, my uncle seethed, "They should put all of those perverted people into a big barn or shed, lock it and burn it down". My father agreed heartily.

If he were a son-of-a-bitch alive he's a son-of-a-bitch dead.

People seem to be confusing depression (clinical) with dysthymia.

The former is next to impossible to control by, say, keeping busy.

The latter is much more controllable by behavioral tweaks, which might include being too "emotional".

Honesty, character and fairness are everything.

Something about how shooting a man in the back is the most disgraceful thing a person can do (like in the cowboy days)

More recently: Come quick! There’s a Muslim walking down your street!!

Don't piss on me and tell me that it's raining.

"I don't know why you can't just be attracted to a nice pair of tits."

Do your gay friends think I'm hot?

A little dirt never hurt anybody.

Don't you cry, or I will give you something to cry about!

"This is my stickshift. Let's play race car."

I have to chime in on depression...there's a difference between having an episode because of something that happened in your life versus having it your entire fucking life (clinical). It's kind of unstoppable.

I get it that the older generation didn't understand it and most people of our generation still don't get it. it's a brain illness in the clinical depression sense, it's a real and true illness that happens because the chemicals in your brain are not working correctly. you can't just exercise or think your way out of it. it fucking sucks.

[quote]I have to chime in on depression...

No, you don't.

Would you twits stop derailing this thread? It is NOT about you or your depression.

My dad is full of stories and sayings…it’s hard to describe anything on particular he has said. But I do find it funny he’s always referred to woman as “broads.”

Keep your hands in your pockets…whenever we went into a nice store.

"If your mother wasn't so great in the sack, I would have left all of you a long time ago."

If you limp, we can park in the handicapped spot up front!

“She had her playpen removed” after my grandmother’s hysterectomy. Oh and “she ain’t missed a meal” when an overweight person walked by him. God I miss him.

This is something my grandpa said.

If someone did something shitty and it seems like they might get away with it, Grandpa would point a finger upward to the sky and say: “God knows.”

[quote]This is something my grandpa said

Are you ten?

"Slide down those hot little panties. Sloooooowly."

Swallow it. It’s marshmallow cream

R133's Grandad

R129. "Don't put your hands in your pockets like that! You look like you're playing with yourself."

We have ice cream at home.

"If you don't stop acting up I'll stop the car right here and you can walk home."

It's just like the fellow who kissed the pig's ass...it all depends on your taste!

Are you still taking your depression meds? You'd be crazy not to!

I'm glad you quit drinking when you did. You were a real prick!

Small town cops will flat sock it to you.

"If you play with those too often you'll go blind"

Mine said "Hitler should've finished the job." He never said the N word, my mom wouldn't allow it, but he didn't need to, it was the way he stressed "them" "they" and "blacks." The same way he stressed "Mexicans" and "wetbacks." I didn't even know until high school what that term even meant, still makes no sense anywhere outside of Texas.

He told me if anyone stole me, they'd bring me right back. When he menacingly chased me through the house, he'd cry out "mama, mama, mama!" Whenever he gave my mother money for shopping, he'd say "don't spend all *my* money in one place." One day I sassed him back about that, and he chased me to the car and pounded on the window so hard I thought it would break. Whenever I made dinner, when I was a teen, he'd say "you're gonna make a someone a good wife one day."

"Wait till your Mother gets home!"

Plus you'll end up on DL because you lacked a strong father figure as a kid.

R129: “ Keep your hands in your pockets…whenever we went into a nice store”

My dad when we went into a nice store: “keep your hands out of your pockets or they’ll think you’re shoplifting”.

He was suspicious of rich people and nice places.

Lea dem white womenz alone!

If you don't start wearing underwear, one day your balls are going to sag so low you can tie them in a bow around your neck.

Whenever us kids would accidentally drop something, he'd say "Just throw it on the floor" in a mean voice and with a devil look. I rarely drop things as an adult.

If you spend all your time worrying what everyone else has,you'll never have anything of your own. Theres no such thing as a bad job,so if you are a ditch digger,be the best one ever. Show me who you hang out with,I'll show you who you are. Neither a borrower or a lender be . Family will fuck you over quicker than a stranger. Dont believe anything you hear or half of what you see. He was an asshole and a bastard,but he had some really great advice.

R144, sorry you had a dad like that. That's child abuse!

"Be sure to zip up when you're done."

[quote] He never said the N word, my mom wouldn't allow it, but he didn't need to

‘Basketball Americans’ is perfectly acceptable!

[quote]Things Your Dad Said

Very little.

My provincial father still calls people he finds by his measure to be odd or eccentric or annoying “queer” (or sometimes “quist”, if he’s referring to another old man).

When he says it aloud in public, he garners many a deserved sideeye.

My dad spoke?

When and where was this?

How drunk was he?

You’ve got a nose like a godamned ant eater!

"Look, I know you're gay. But I think it's important to say it. And why would I have any problem with that? Some of my favorite people, people I admire most, were gay. Michaelangelo, Cole Porter. So I just wanted you to know that you being gay changes nothing. I still love you and am very proud of you."

-- Said on the way to the airport.

He told my straight little brother age 8 that he shouldn't wear a gold colored chain around his neck or people would think he was a sissy.

“Act like a gentlemen.” Appearances were everything. But there was also a certain decency attached to it - behave respectably.

"The best way to avoid trouble is to avoid trouble."

Well, yeah.

He was Captain Obvious way before Captain Obvious.

I don't ever want you to start a fight. But if you back down from one. I'll kick your ass.

"It ain't gay if you don't kiss"

R161 in other words....”No Be There” 🥋

"You hurt me, and I'll hurt you back."

"None of you kids have ever loved me. NONE of you KIDS have EVER... LOVED... ME."

"I know everything you think and everything you feel. I know what you're going to do before you do. I made you. You are an extension of me, and nothing more. Don't ever forget it."

R165 wins Scariest Most Psycho Dad, then😰

[quote] You are an extension of me, and nothing more.

That doesn't even make sense. If something's an extension of *me*, then I would hold that in high regard.

After telling my father I am gay, he replied “Not like it’s a fucking surprise, we still love you”. My dad loved the word fuck. Well also shit, damn, hell and their many combinations.

[quote]People seem to be confusing depression (clinical) with dysthymia.

People seem to be confusing posting on DL with having a psychology degree.

Depression is a mental illness, whether it is long term or short, situational or clinical. We don't make moral judgments over people having colds or cancer. Why do we do that with mental illness? In any of these cases, the compassionate response is the right one. Shaming people over their illness is what's wrong, not "being emotional."

Reading this thread and the justifications people make for what were obviously bad and harmful opinions from their parents, is eye opening.

[quote]I do agree that people who are depressed usually have too much time on their hands.

What do you think when someone commits suicide? "Oh, they just had too much time on their hands. They probably killed themselves just for the attention."

Datalounge is the ultimate nexus of self loathing homosexuality and toxic masculinity.

"If I ran this world..."

...and then you'd be treated to a lengthy rant on whatever topic happened to be bugging him at the moment.

R179 ah yes, know that one well.

“If it were me/if I’m faced with that/well they wouldn’t get away with that if I were in charge-“ ummm did anyone ask? There’s no requirement to make it all about you. Old men are so self-absorbed it’s crazy.

Surprised by so many of the replies. Didn't you have moms who made sure dad didn't swear in front of the kids?

Your pussy stinks.

r158 ❤❤

My grandfather:

“Your good name is worth more than gold.”

“Choose your words carefully. Once you say it, it’s out there forever.”

R174 stop clutching your pearls. This is how a good deal of people, particularly working class persons in the 70s and 80s spoke. My dad was a truck driver, and he could curse like one. Even with Ivy League masters degrees I am my father’s son and love to use the word fuck.

No pearl-clutching here. Dad was a construction worker but Mom made sure he left that language on the job and didn't bring it into the house. Just like his work shoes.

My dear dad was a lovely, kind and generous man. Any time we had a problem his first words were, “Ok, let’s think about this.” He would then pause and then begin working out ways to overcome whatever the problem was. He was also very witty and funny. I miss him every minute I am awake.

"When you go, go first class" meaning "live big or stay home"

also "we should have aborted you at birth" - a bit unclear on the concept yet it's the thought that counts, eh?

"put this name as a reference (names some unknown female) and don't tell your mother."

I brought you in this world I can take you out. You're gay? Give her these pills and at least try it.

"Is there a reason every light in the house needs to be on when no one is home?"

"Wipe the dog off in the hallway or your mother will kill us. I'll get towels." (Big golden retriever after snow or rain storm or slushy Manhattan streets)

"Eyes on the ball and squash the bug" (Generic batting tip, followed by specifics on hand placement and speed and angle of swing)

"One lies and the other swears to it....better than being at each other's throats" (when my brother and I would back each other up over some badly told lie.)

fathers...who show up to ballgames and parents nights...who give positive affirmations and encouragement...who calmly moderate disputes without escalating...sounds fake but ok

"Nobody is looking at you."

My Dad used to say that to me to help me to get over my shyness. And it worked. Another favorite was:

"Always walk into a room as if you owned it."

My Dad had his faults, but he was a good man and a good father. Thank you, OP, for reminding me of that.

Lotta Garys namechecked in this thread huh..

[quote]fathers...who show up to ballgames and parents nights

My father never went to school parents night, never showed up at anyone's game or swimming meet. He was either "too tired," not interested or both. I'm talking about a 35-45 year old man with no health issues except for too many cocktails before dinner. I didn't miss it because when he did come to a family event, he was a total pain in the ass.

If I was on a boat with your mother and my mother and it was sinking, I'd save my mother because you can get married again but you only get one mother in this life.

I suspect R184 that is because my father is your age or possibly younger.

Boomer dads learned from their own fathers mistakes and were generally very involved with their kids regardless. My dad was (and still is) a partner in a big law firm and still managed to find that time. And he was not that unusual among my friends. (He actually coached our Little League teams, not just showed up.)

My friend to my dad: Do you hunt? My dad (who had had most of a 24 pack by this point) to my friend: I’ve got no need to hunt, I hunted humans in ‘Nam.

We laughed at it then we were 12. As an adult I now fully realize the PTSD my dad carries around and what that baggage must feel like. It makes me sad.

I could write a book on the things that came out of my father's mouth. One of my favorites, when he felt someone was stupid was, "that guy hasn't got enough sense to pour piss out of a boot, with directions on the heel".

R189 :/ nope my dad was born in 1959 (so a Boomer? idek) his dad was an abusive neglectful alcoholic and my dad went into foster care and the military to get away. my dad stuck around, doesn’t drink and doesn’t beat me or abuse me much so i guess he learned something and didn’t become his dad? sadly that was the limit of his parenting ability, and he couldn’t actually do the whole ‘involved consistent provider and emotional support’ thing. suppose it’s tough for abuse survivors to manage that. i try to be understanding and not ask too much but its hard not being envious of others who had fathers that weren’t jobless friendless hollow shells. tbh i don’t know why my dad bothered having kids—probably only bc my mom was desperate to.

My dad rarely swore but when he did he turned it all into one word. This mostly happened when he injured himself or broke something he was trying to fix. I've never heard anyone do it quite like he did.

"Shitgoddamnsonofabitch!!"

If you would just be still, it wouldn't hurt

[quote] nope my dad was born in 1959

Lord have mercy now I do feel old.

Just remembered another one. And my father would only say this when my mother wasn't in earshot.

"I'm so hungry I could eat the ass end out of a rag doll".

Whatever you do, don't frighten the horses.

It wasn't just my Dad it was everybody in the Fifties, especially at Christmas and New Year's when the nut bowl was full and they were talking about their favorites they were about to pick out.

What R198?

R199 You'd know if you were younger, for sure.

R198 is drugged.

“You are such a disappointment.” Just kidding, he was able to get that point across without saying a word.

[quote] "I'm so hungry I could eat the ass end out of a rag doll".

This is a really odd thing to say.

[quote] “You are such a disappointment.” Just kidding, he was able to get that point across without saying a word.

I guess you didn't get DP'd as much as he did.

Another thing my father would say about someone he considered dumb was "he hasn't got sense enough to bell a buzzard". I never understood that and finally one day a few years back I googled "bell a buzzard" and it's actually a thing.

I did not come into town on last night’s load of turnips.

- said when anyone was trying to sneak something past him, eg, an unnecessary car repair, a lie about something that happened in school, anything by any politician

“I am not air conditioning the world”

Said when:

- child endlessly stood in front of an open refrigerator

- anyone rolled down a car window in summer

- front door left open in summer

Dad, at 99 from his nursing home bed, watching Donald Trump on CNN: “goddamn son of a bitch!”

“…and if the Queen had balls she’d be King.”

I swear, that was his answer to everything.

My dad when watching the nightlyworld news would often say ‘awwwww BULLSHIT!” He would then angrily turn off the TV. I never knew why he would watch the news even though it always made him mad.

He called tissues "nose blows" and TP was "butt wipes". "Could ya throw a couple rollsa BUTT WIPES downstairs?"

Don't forget the balls.

[quote] I did not come into town on last night’s load of turnips.

I once heard the sexiest country boy who ever lived respond to someone who was trying to get him to do something he didn't want to do, "I may have fallen off the turnip truck, BUT I DIDN'T FALL ON MY DAMN HEAD".

I once heard my father say this about a smell he found sickening, "now that would gag a maggot on a gut truck"

Why would a turnip truck prompt an “I’m not dumb” response.

Why not “potato trucks”?

duh i'm r214. i eat my own shit.

[quote] Why would a turnip truck prompt an “I’m not dumb” response

It's the insinuation that the person is a dumb dirt farmer, because farmers would bring trucks loaded with turnips to town to sell at the roadside on empty lots. They still do in rural parts of the south. No one ever brought a truck load of potatoes to town. They make a killing selling turnips and other greens, and watermelons off the backs of trucks.

R209 my dad's version:

"...and if auntie had balls, she'd be uncle."

Whenever we would pester with "what if" types of questions/demands/requests etc.

[quote]my dad stuck around, doesn’t drink and doesn’t beat me or abuse me

I'd say that's damned near perfect.

"Nobody go in there for like ten minutes, I just too a five alarm dump."

My father used to say- This cake is OUT OF THIS WORLD

You don't hear that expression anymore.

My mother would say POCKETBOOK and you don't hear that anymore either.

[quote]My mother would say POCKETBOOK and you don't hear that anymore either.

Not even in New York or New Jersey?

R221- I live just north of NYC. Yes, I do still hear that occasionally. It's not just a NY/NJ thing. I was watching a show called My Big Fat Fabulous Life and Whitney's mother who's from North Carolina she would say- Where's my pocketbook?

[quote]He called tissues "nose blows"

My father, born in 1927, didn't use Kleenex - he blew into a cloth handkerchief like it was 1943.

Stitch it up

I still use a handkerchief. During allergy season, my nose would get totally scabbed like I was a poppers whore if I used Kleenex.

My dad used cloth handkerchiefs, too. In retrospect, I don't think my mom liked that (she did the laundry).

My father always thought it was a trend for our family to have the worst luck possible. So every time anything bad would happen to one of us, he'd call it "The Great (our last name) Fuckening."

What did you call him? From ages 0-13, I called him "Dad." After that I used no word.

No matter where you go or what you do, there will always be somebody telling you what to do.

Interesting, R228 - I had the same experience. Why did you stop calling him by any name?

When referring to my father I NEVER say my dad I say my father.

Father is an old fashioned La-te-da name. Or a fag term.

Being country, I call my father ‘Daddy’ and always have (sometimes ‘Pap’, to mix it up). These days I sometimes get weird looks and comments for it, but if people want to be perverted that’s on them. Clearly I don’t mean it *that* way. My mom and her brothers (my uncles) called their father ‘Daddy’ all his life, too.

My Pap suddenly stopped hugging me the day I turned thirteen, though. I mean, I’m female so looking back as an adult I get and appreciate why he did it, but it really hurt at the time. It’s hard to tell a young girl who still hasn’t started puberty and is sort of sheltered why certain things aren’t seen as appropriate anymore. Funny that being called ‘Daddy’ doesn’t bother him or register with him as weird, but hugging does😂(he’s from the fifties, he doesn’t know modern sexual terms)

R232= Matt Damon

“ ask your mother“

R230, I didn't want to talk to him unless absolutely necessary. That's because he was a controlling abusive drunken deadbeat asshole. I TOLD my mother to get a divorce. She did and still credits me for it. I guess she was overwhelmed at the time and needed a push.

Your experience?

^ I just felt so thoroughly alienated from him - because he put his own discomfort at change above my psychological welfare as an effeminate boy - that using the word Dad makes it seem like we have an emotional relationship which we actually don't. If talking to my sisters or mother about him, I will say Dad where absolutely necessary and I never, ever address him as that.

Sorry for near-derailing things, guys. As you were.

"Nothing that a swift kick in the ass wouldn't cure."

"Stop all that breathing back there until the defroster kicks in."

"I'll rip off your head and shit down your neck"

"I'm going to beat the bejesus out of you!"

"Does this dress make me look fat? Be honest."

R242 Are you Kendall or Kylie?

“Take the garbage out”

R233 hugging after puberty is not apropriate? Wtf in what repressed tight ass universe is that so? If your dad can't hug you because you have tits and he or others might get "wrong ideas" then its on him/them.

"You raise children and dogs the same way".

[quote]"I'll rip off your head and shit down your neck"

Charmed, I'm sure.

R240= Dr. Detroit

R245 tbh I never fully understood it myself, but being a woman I know better than to open that can of worms. I probably don’t want to know the full story.

My father had a bad relationship with both his birth parents, and I think he still carries resentment about his mother & sisters not protecting him enough from his abusive father (wtf they were supposed to do about, idk). Though he had a lovely foster family and kind female teachers, he doesn’t seem enamoured of women besides my mom. He grew up country, dropped out of school and joined the military, so I wouldn’t call him enlightened or even capable of basic critical ethical thought. I also know from accidental and frankly traumatic discovery that my father enjoys porn of the big breast niche...so there’s that :/

Me and my Pap don’t have the best relationship anyway—we’re civil, and he’s never done anything seriously abusive to me, but he’s been verbally cruel and shaming on various occasions (once homophobically) and has made it clear that he doesn’t like or trust the gay visibly-adult woman I’ve become. So I’ve had to make peace with that.

Some people don’t even have parents, or they get beat and raped and turfed out by the ones they got, so I guess I still count myself somewhat fortunate. That said, I truly think that the society we live in denigrates women and reduces them so much to sexual worth, that as a result father-daughter relationships are sadly all in some way poisoned.

R249 you can blame the "every man is a child rapist" hysteria that swept the country in the 80s-90s. Fathers became afraid to touch,hold or hug their little girls lest they be accused. That fear is still very much prevalent in our helicopter parent society today. Also,Ive worked with a ton of women over my lifetime and without exception most claimed they were molested in one form or the other. Im sure many were,but every single one ? Did fathers go around fucking all their girl children constantly ? To hear some tell it every man that ever was in their life tried to fuck them. Again,not saying incest didnt happen,but theres got to be a middle ground. A little girl who is deprived of her fathers hugs and kisses is going to seek it out in other men,sadly to their own detriment. Such a vicious circle.

R250 yeah, I agree with you that there needs to be a moderate and realistic view of sexual offenses against women/minors and from where they stem. Witch-hunts have never been the answer to any social panic.

Self-report is a notoriously difficult evidence-based method by which to quantify such crimes, too but on the other side of the coin not enough victims are believed (or at least, not with consistent and fair review).

Personally, given the way crime stats break down by sex, I would still tend to side with women telling their stories of molestation/assault more than perps, but at the same time I don’t agree with the kneejerk response some courts have to taking kids away from decent fathers with no grounds or worse putting kids in care over it etc. There has to be a holistic view.

If men as a group were better at policing and organising their own sex, and if the better ‘good’ men kept the others in line (and were allowed by society to do so), I think this kind of crime would reduce dramatically. Women have other responsibility and burdens, plus lack the biological advantages to do this work, but are expected to bear the fallout when it hasn’t been done.

This little comment kind of makes me laugh and shake my head, though:

[quote] A little girl who is deprived of her fathers hugs and kisses is going to seek it out in other men,sadly to their own detriment. Such a vicious circle.

It’s a tired trope that all women who didn’t partake in the glorious magic of Daddy’s Love (strangely religious idea, isn’t it?) are somehow defective and broken by default, and will all go on to fuck older and more dominant or abusive men indiscriminately. Even if I didn’t prefer women, I think I’d still be the relatively-celibate and stable woman I am now (and would prefer nice guys).

R249 Men arent responsible for rapists existing just by....existing. That is ludicrous. Most of these people are mentally and morally ill and it would be so no matter what BUT if there is any group of people that share responsibility it is the family, especially the parents MOST ESPECIALLY the mother who raises the son and teaches him how to be a human being.

R251 men not being loved by their mothers is used as a reason as to why men turn out terrible, why can't the same be true of women.

A child no matter what gender will be broken if they don't receive love from either their mother or father or both.

[quote] if there is any group of people that share responsibility it is the family, especially the parents MOST ESPECIALLY the mother who raises the son

Nope, wrong, sorry. This statement is an abdication of responsibility, and what’s so funny is the people who say it are also usually the first ones to decry in the same breath poor/absentee/minority fathers ‘not showing up’

[quote] men not being loved by their mothers is used as a reason as to why men turn out terrible

And have you investigated the truth of this aphorism? Do you believe it honestly holds water? Do all parties take accountability here?

R254 why are you linking a reddit opinion thread from a very biased sub forum as if that debunks anything?

R256 it’s an alternative viewpoint to consider, but clearly you have already totally closed your mind to any perspective besides your own calficified opinion.

Audaciously, I venture that you don’t want a debate or a discussion at all; rather to scold a female you don’t know for daring to have thoughts, and cast her as some kind of broken toy to the colluders around because it makes you feel better about white-knighting straight men who abuse.

Have fun with that, and given the way misogynists are rewarded in our society I’m sure you will indeed have tons of it.

R256, but you didn't present the article as something to consider, but something that was debunking what I was saying. That is what I was calling out.

As far as discussion, there are some ideas that you have stated that makes me realize there would be no point in further discussion.

Can we get back to the TOPIC?

Take it out back ! ( what he said to arguing posters on dL

My father was raised strict conservative Catholic. When Vatican II arrived and those changes took place he was livid. I can remember when we attended a new Catholic church near our home. It was a "modern" church. He basically said out loud for all to hear that it looks like a large urinal (it was painted white on the inside). He was German and very cold but very smart. I remember him telling me to put some elbow grease on it (cleaning something) dumb me went into the kitchen and looked under the kitchen sink looking for it. My mom asked what I was looking for and I told her... Needless to say I never lived that down. You said yes sir and yes mam or you got the belt. He was very cold but was very fair.

I do have an advance degree in psychology, R169.

There is a clear difference between clinical depression (short term or long term) and dysthymia. That was the distinction I made. The word "depression" is often used as a catchall for anyone who has the blues. It's an easy mistake to make. And it's a mistake made all too often.

I was using the colloquial remedies (too emotional) for "depression" to show that those types of things might work for dysthymia (though they might not) but offer no reprieve from actual clinical depression.

“It’s too bad you can’t appreciate a good set of tits.” Said while watching Laura San Giacomo in Just Shoot Me. Mom was not amused.

Once, regarding a reference made on television to Jackie Onassis: "She was the most expensive whore who ever lived.""

I can’t believe you spent hours on talking to The Psychic Friends Network! The phone bill is over $1,000 this month because of it!

R265=Christy Carlson Romano?

It was your mom’s decision to have you, you know.

You don’t like girls much, do you ?

"Hey, I was watching that", after we could hear his light snoring, saw his closed eyes, foot rests in up-position, on his living room knock-off Barcalounger and we had painstakingly, as quietly as we could, use our little hands to turn the channel dial.

"I know Latin: Soc et tu um"

“Ooroyt Jack moy Sunn, d’yerwanna cannabea? Cop the kays t’yer Mom’s mowtah, and yow can droive uz to the boozah. Down’t wurray about ID, loike, awlriddy thirteen en’t ya? Irrint a croime to have a bokkle with yer old man naow, iz it?”

"(MY NAME), come over and fix this god-damned remote again! It's broken again."