How Old Were You When Your Parents Died?

18.

I guess you could say frustrations and bitterness took over for most much of it.

Honestly, I was too busy to fending off the vultures to have time to grieve. It didn't work out well since the county ignored me for a sister-in-law that was a pile of mush, did nothing when his ex wife broke into his home and I still ended up having to make all the arrangements on my own. So, I ended up with his ashes, a typewriter, my clothes and his ex wife was gracious enough to give me pictures that only contained me though to make up for it, she did try to sue me for my college fund - that I mostly earned - for the next ten years or so.

My father died of AIDS when I was 18.

Very interested in this thread. My parents are in their early sixties and I’m in my mid twenties. I could imagine both my parents gone in 5-7 years. My dad could honestly be anytime, as he has squamous cell carcinoma.

Dad died when I was 19. Hadn't seen him since I was 5. Good riddance.

My mom is 67 and will live forever. We have good peasant stock genes. Both my maternal grandparents are not just alive, but thriving (at 91 and 95).

74 when dad died, 82 when mom died, and I'm so old I can't chew lard. I miss them dearly.

My parents are both still alive. I turn 60 in October. And honestly, most of the people I know who are around my age have at least one parent, and sometimes both, still living.

42 when my Dad died, which isn't surprising because he was 50 when I was born, so he lived a long life. He was a good guy and he meant well but we weren't that close. He had a short temper and was too much of a strict disciplinarian. I always wondered if he was a closeted bisexual man because he waited till he was 49 to start a family. In the time and place where he grew up, homosexuality was not acceptable.

Mother is still living at 93 though has major health problems.

I was 50. They died younger than their parents which wasn’t great, but I had 50 years with them so I was pretty at peace with it happening. I didn’t really grieve either. No anger, no bargaining. I went right to acceptance. I didn’t tell that to folks when they were expressing condolences and going on about how grief comes and goes and it will always hurt. It didn’t hurt a bit beyond the first day and I’ve only told that to close friends because I think they understand and I don’t want people thinking i didn’t love my parents. I did, deeply. I just didn’t feel sadness over it. I felt much sadder when they were weak, in pain and dying.

34. They were killed in a car accident.

47 when my mum died. 63 when my father died. Both were abusive/neglectful fucks. I had to bury both of them because there was no one else legally able to do it. I felt like I was burying a couple of strangers. I still resent it.

I'm sorry r9 - my dad was killed in a car accident too.

I'm 63 and both my parents are still alive and in their mid 80s.

They are finally starting to slow down a bit, though.

I was 52 when my dad died at 84 and I was 53 when my Mom died at 86. They died on the same day a year apart and I still miss them.

They both still alive!

Any suggestions ?

^ R14 ha ha that’s me now. Both parents finally gone. Not sad it’s just life. They were great communicators and had everything paid for before they died, so I received a house, car and cash. I’m an only child but with a partner of many moons. House now has tenants, car is sold and the cash invested. I have to say I’m very lucky.

30 when my mom died and 36 when I lost my dad. My siblings were so damn awful when our mom died that I was angry if I felt anything at all. My dad had left when I was 18 and I never figured on seeing him again but weirdly we reconnected right before my mother passed 12 years later. I'm not sure we were ever close even though I became hus primary care taker after his wife died. In a weird way when he died it wasnt too unfamiliar because I'd already come to terms with losing him before.

41 dad and 42 when my mom died.

My beloved mother passed last week. 35.

I'm losing my mom right now. She's on hospice, stopped dialysis. Maybe a week.

Sorry, I am 49, I am numb and, apparently not able to answer the simple question @r19.

Sorry, R19. Hopefully she's not in any pain and will go quickly and peacefully.

R19, hang tough; it will get better.

Dad in 2020 @ 91, almost 92. Mom in 2021 @ 88. I was 52 & 54. They lived good long lives and this is natural. I still felt a bit lost right after; January made 1 year since mother passed away and I became parentlees.

35, Mom Massive stroke Still miss her terribly; Dad, 47 Cancer….I’ve already had the cancer his started out as.

35 when my Dad passed. Mom is still alive. Partner was 20 when mom died and 35 when dad died

Sadly BOTH my parents are still alive. I am 50 they are 80. These worthless idiots are never going to kick the bucket. I plan on having a party and celebrating when it happens. Honestly I do not understand what the holdup is. They are in a nursing home and covered in Alzheimers. When my sister told me not to worry because they were in a GOOD nursing home I knew right then that was going to be a problem. We needed to send them to a LOUSY nursing home. This is really outrageous. I am beginning to think Miserable Mommy and Dumbass Daddy are going to hang on for another 10 years.

I was 39 when my mother died and almost 41 when my father died. My mother was sick for 3 months before she died (cancer). She was in such misery near the end she actually asked if we could get something she could take to end her life. One day about a month before she died she was in such a state emotionally that my father called their pharmacist at home (it was a Sunday) and asked him for help. He came over with a bottle of Atarax. Illegal as hell, yes, but he gave my mother one pill and within 45 minutes she was as calm as could be. That was the only pill she ever took. By the next day she had reconciled with the fact that her life was about to be over and was ready for it. Until she died there were no more hysterics. The day she died she had asked my father to take her to the emergency room to have some of the ascites fluid withdrawn from her abdomen which was a regular procedure for her those last 3 months. After they did the procedure she was sitting on the table talking to the nurse and just fell over dead. They got her heart restarted and the doctor asked her if she wanted them to do anything more to help her and she shook her head no, and she died 5 minutes later. Her pain was over but it still hit me like a ton of bricks. Once we found out there was nothing anyone could do to save her I had cried so much I though I was going to lose my mind. If not for my friends and people at work helping me get through it I don't know how I could have survived. I found great relief the day of the funeral because I knew it was all over, there was no more hoping beyond hope that a magical solution would be found.

When my father died I never shed a tear. Too many years of emotional abuse and mind games I'd had to endure. In the year and a half he lived after my mother died I'm the one (the one he treated the worst) who had to step up and take care of him. His other two children stayed as far away from him as possible. They just wanted him to die as soon as possible so they could divide the spoils. He went down hill fast during that time. He basically died the day my mother died but just wouldn't stop breathing. The only time he ever told me he loved me was during that time, but it was too little too late. It took me 20 years after he died to stop hating him, but even now I still have some level of bitterness, but I don't hate him anymore because he was a product of his own upbringing by a mean, hateful father. I guess he didn't know how to be any different.

R26 Good god hunty. Let’s try to process it and reframe it.

R26 = Yawn....Maybe your father found YOU insufferable? Call it a hunch...

My parent died in awful ways within 3 years of each other when I was in my early thirties. It felt weird being an orphan. I felt tremendous guilt because I knew there would be some money from my mom, so I proceeded to spend it recklessly as fast as possible. I wish I had gotten some therapy then.

R29 = I wish my parents would die in an awful way. They were such terrible human beings. I have no idea why they wanted kids--my theory is they were too stupid for condoms. They were clearly defective. They didn't even like each other. My father was a drunk and my mother was a whore. I look forward to their way overdue demise. 80 fucking years old and still hanging on!!...Outrageous!! Every morning I check my e-mail and not a peep from the nursing home. They really are disappointments even at this age. As for therapy I have never needed it. Hope you didn't waste any money on yours.

My mom is 92 and very healthy. I was 47 when my dad died.

I was 29 when my father died and 60 when my mother died. My father and I were not close, and he didn't really like me much, but he was a decent man overall and was never outright mean. I don't have any ill feelings toward him. What I miss about him is that his death unleashed the hell that was my mother as a widow. She became a nasty, self-pitying drunk who alienated everyone in her life. Her death was a relief.

R32 = At least you got to enjoy your mothers death. I'm still waiting.

If R27 & R28's parents are dead I'm sure they were sad they didn't live long enough to bury their sons.

R26, I co sign your sentiments regarding your father. You are not the only one...

50. Mother died at 78. A gracious candle lit supper. When Dad finally dies I will have the major celebration including a limbo on his grave contest!

I'd just turned 37. My mom died this past June. She was only 65. She was ill, but the manner of her death was sudden and tragic. She died just six months after her mother/my grandmother. When we buried my mom, the dirt hadn't yet settled over my grandmother's grave. My whole family is a bit traumatized.

24 when Dad died. And my mother has played the poor lonely widow for almost 30 years now. Didn’t cry when Dad died. May cry when mother dies - but it will be such a relief.

I think some people on this thread are making things up. Just a hunch.

14 mother (The Big C), 50 father, I think - time flies (The Big C too).

I guess I know my fate.

Not dead yet. I still have one living grandma

26 when my father died. He was abusive to both me and my mother and I was relieved he was gone. After he died, I would dream of him a couple times a week, always a variation of the same dream - I would walk into a room in the house and he would be there and I'd yell at him "go away! you're dead! you don't belong here any more!" This went on for about 6 months and then the dreams stopped and I didn't dream of him again for at least 25 years. Don't know if he was haunting me or what, but I'm glad he finally went away once and for all.