How to Keep in Touch Professionally via Email and Not Look Self Serving

This is why I hate "networking." Everyone always thinks you have a hidden agenda.

Eh, it’s probably fine but don’t make a habit of it. A better way to stay in touch would be to send each contact an article you read that you think might interest them. Also connect on LinkedIn.

R2 One attorney I used to work for in undergrad (for a year and a half). We get lunch every year since I left.

Professional networking is not self-serving. The purpose is to stay in touch, share information, gain knowledge. etc. Where this may go off the tracks for you is asking for a response each time to connect with these people. Assuming they are professionals with busy careers, there's not always time to respond to casual acquaintances. That then leads to a bit of guilt tinged with annoyance after a few emails from you. I agree with R2 that you should keep this to LinkedIn with perhaps an annual personal annual note unless someone makes it obvious they want to maintain a casual correspondence with you.

Cringe. There's a active thread about autism, OP. Go there.

I’m a lawyer OP and if someone in your position did that, I would think it was nice. And honestly, I’m jaded as fuck. So don’t worry and don’t spiral. Only an asshole would have a negative reaction to a quick email from a law student checking in.

Law school is stressful. Lawyers remember that. You’re fine.

To be clear, I’m not calling anyone on this thread an asshole - just meant it generally if someone were to have a very negative reaction to what OP has described.

R6 thank you! These are lawyer who I admire, respect, and want to be like someday. I’m not asking for anything from them but their friendship/guidance (I have no lawyers in my family).

R4 I’m not asking for a response. I look at it as a conversation his email. I want to know how they are doing and any updates in their life.

My signature was “keep in touch, myfirstname.

You don't understand that "keep in touch" is an invitation to respond? Dense. Are you first generation bootstrapper? What?

R9 Keep in touch is an invitation to respond, but it is a more friendly and casual saying than “regards” or whatever bullshit send off

"I’m not asking for a response." "Keep in touch is an invitation to respond." You'll make a brilliant lawyer.

[quote] I just sent an email to a few of them with the subject line: "quick update on school!" and gave a brief (3-4 sentence) update on the semester and asked them a a few questions like how they have been, interesting cases, finding a new building, etc.

OP, I think it's OK to network, but frankly, I'd cut out the "updates on school." Sounds kind of juvenile, IMO. And frankly, nobody really cares unless you either flunked out spectacularly or graduated *and* passed the bar exam.

I also wouldn't try to keep in touch with a few or a bunch of people "just in case."

If you meet someone who does something you're interested in, just be direct. But offer to buy them lunch, coffee, whatever. Just respect that person's time and be grateful. Be prepared (do your research online) before asking them a bunch of questions. You shouldn't be asking them stuff that you can find out online.

Good luck.

R11 there is a difference. It’d be nice, but you’re acting like I’m saying “respond needed ASAP!”

Which is not what I’m doing.

Good luck. You sound obtuse. You are using these people and its transparent. Lawyers do not suffer fools and they see right through insincerity.

R14 how am I using them? I definitely am not trying to. I just wanted to keep in touch with lawyers I have a lot of admiration and respect.

Find people more in your daily orbit to mentor you. There was nothing wrong with doing "information interviewing" to help you get a start in Law School but you are meaningless to these people. Your headline and your paragraph says you realize you are self-serving but you keep deying it and rationalizing it. This is how you are obtuse.

[quote] If you meet someone who does something you're interested in, just be direct. But offer to buy them lunch, coffee, whatever. Just respect that person's time and be grateful. Be prepared (do your research online) before asking them a bunch of questions. You shouldn't be asking them stuff that you can find out online.

I agree with r12 but no lawyer would expect a law student to buy them lunch. There is no shame in networking. That is how most people identify opportunities. If they like you and can help you they will, if not, they won't but no one will think less of you for networking.

So they would buy me lunch? Or go Dutch?

Why not draw a pretty picture for them about campus life in crayon on construction paper and send that with a warm thoughts?

R19 I can’t afford postage….

C.O.D. they need to know how much you admire and respect them.

[quote] So they would buy me lunch? Or go Dutch?

No, the attorney should not be buying you lunch unless they are trying to recruit you.

You should be paying or at least offering to pay. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Even Panera, whatever.

Attorneys work on billable hours, 6-minute increments. Time is money. If you're taking up their time, it would be nice to buy them coffee or a sandwich or something that you can afford.

Why would I buy them lunch when I’m a student?? They can afford to pay or expense it.

I’m in a profession where people do this a lot. I hate them all. Many of my colleagues hate this constant badgering too.

I don’t give a shit about your updates. One email is fine. Any more than that is annoying.

I hate when random people on LinkedIn do this. They’re like hey, let’s get coffee.

You should send hand written correspondence using a fountain pen to write on high quality paper. Scent the paper with something lawyery/old man (maybe Tuscany by Aramis?) to appear professional. Send the note with a box of Cuban cigars and you should be good.

I think it is self-serving, off-putting and identifies you as a completely self-absorbed career climbing narcissist.

There are an abundance of these individuals in every career, but the most are in law.

You may get lucky and get a response from another narcissist attorney who can offer you some way to provide him with much needed narcissistic supply.

As obnoxious as most lawyers are, you will be highly successful

I would find a different opener. I cannot imagine these people give a shit about how your time at school is unless they are invested in you for another reason.. Are there any networking events you could go to? You could start conversations about those instead.

Or, how about a Supreme Court death pool?

[quote] I would find a different opener.

How about a weekly newsletter and they can choose to subscribe or unsubscribe?

Sorry, OP, this does come across as self-serving and narcissistic. Professionals have their own lives and with everything that’s been going down the last couple of years, simplifying and streamlining are advantageous.

Your attempts to insert yourself into others’ lives for your own benefit comes across transparently. As others have astutely noted, find individuals who you interact with and be direct and forthcoming. Or if you must insert yourself into others’ lives, do so with some benefit for them (buying a meal, etc.). Otherwise you become yet another lawyer caricature.

Your motivations here are normal, but you need to go about this a little differently.

- Figure out the full group of people you’re interested in seeing professional updates about, and who you’d like to be seeing your professional updates. Connect with all those people on LinkedIn. Don’t send them private messages or ask them for coffee, but if they get a promotion or new job, fine to say Congrats! They may post about job opportunities, or may make comments to you when you have updates. When you’re going through hiring, you could make a LinkedIn post asking for advice and see if anyone responds offering to chat. For a couple of these LinkedIn people, every couple of years, it’s fine to ask them for some advice via private message. Don’t do it more than that and don’t mass-message more than 5 people, especially if you’re looking for a job.

- As you go about your schooling and career, stay in touch more directly with people you actually manage to develop a personal relationship with. This is going to be a SMALL group of people who you stay in touch with on an ad hoc basis because you’re close, not because every so often you want to send school updates to a bunch of people (that’s what LinkedIn is for). Don’t just correspond at set intervals about school and professional stuff, or else you just seem like a networker. You’ll see from your email about school whether any of those people want to maintain this kind of personal connection to you.

- If any of the people you emailed about school don’t respond, or respond very briefly, take them off your email group and just add them on LinkedIn.

Some good advice here.

I email four attorneys around 8-9 am. I have already heard back from two of them. One sent a brief reply saying it sounds like I have a grip on everything and he knows I will be successful. The other gave me a little advice on other students, studying, and finals.

so needy

OP, I would also say that this is the time in your life and career where a little awkwardness is to be expected. I wouldn’t hold it against former interns of mine or law students I know if they went a little heavy on the networking, because I remember how tough it was to navigate that stuff. There are people you’re in law school with who will seem to have the inside track on all of this, know exactly which judge to clerk for or which partner at a firm to write to. While that’s impressive in its own way, there are a lot of working people who remember not being one of those students and having to find our path without any inside info.

Also, it will be easier for you to find mentors once you’re working (summer jobs or permanent). I’m much more disposed to meet up for an advice-giving coffee with someone I’m actively working with. It’s just that you get one or two shots at this, and then should build a stronger relationship from that, not just periodically ask for the same basic “coffee to talk about advice.”

That being said, the further along you get in your career, the less tolerant people will be of awkward networking overtures and the like. You’re expected to get smoother about all this as you go. So pay very close attention to social cues.

As for paying, maybe I’m old fashioned, but I’d never let a student pay for a coffee or lunch if we were meeting up to talk about career advice, even though I’m the one doing the favor! I make a salary, I remember what it was like to be in grad school and not make a salary. Of course I’d pick up the tab.

It’s all about who you know! Don’t be overbearing or ask for something every time you speak to someone, but I’ve learned it’s worth maintaining professional connections.

Just this month I helped a guy I haven’t worked with in 18 years land a job with my company. We’re teleworking indefinitely and he was driving a few hours to his current company a few times a week. Now he can work from home and make thousands of dollars more in the process.

Meanwhile, every several months I’m politely turning down job offers or leads from former bosses and colleagues.

OP - what you did was fine. Don't get fall into the trap of getting into arguments on this thread with people saying what you did was wrong. It's bullshit. Enough. Worst case scenario - someone doesn't respond to what you sent. Who cares? You aren't applying for jobs with these people - it was just a quick email checking in. Saying "keep in touch" is completely harmless. People have bigger things to worry about than a little email from a law student. And if they don't - that's not someone you would want to deal with anyway.

Just focus on your classes and getting a summer job/internship and go to networking events through your school and maybe alumni stuff/the area of law you are ultimately interested in. Like R34 is saying. That's solid advice.

Also - don't forget to befriend your classmates. Do not underestimate the importance of that. They will be valuable connections later on. I only had 2 friends in law school because I had this lame attitude of "whatever, these people suck, fuck them" and in retrospect, I regret that. It came from a place of insecurity and was a defense mechanism, but I should have been friendlier and made more connections with my peers. It's not the end of the world - I made connections with coworkers after graduation and I really love being a lawyer (I work in public interest), but I should not have been such a snotty bitch while I was in school.

You don't sound like a snotty bitch, you sound sweet - so you're probably fine. Just passing that on.

I’m like R36 in that I didn’t make friends in law school besides one or two, but to be honest I don’t regret it. My classmates were smart and interesting, but largely focused on status or wealth. I’m sure it would come in handy to know them, and I don’t hate them or anything, but they just aren’t my type of people. The classmates I still think of fondly either left the law or ended up in very tough and low paying jobs like working in domestic violence clinics. Maybe it hasn’t benefitted my networking, but it’s certainly benefitted my life that the people in it mostly don’t know or care about the hallmarks of legal prestige that people in this industry obsess over (just like I don’t know much about their industries).

OP, I was like you when I was graduating from architecture school decades ago. While in school I regularly contacted architects whose work I respected or who did something noteworthy. I even contacted editors and writers for the trade journals. (Some became lifelong friends.) Long story short, this effort was recognized and worked in my favor throughout a long and very rewarding career. Don't stop what you're doing, even after you're in the workforce. There's some good advice upstream about finessing your efforts. I have 500+ contacts on LinkedIn - 95% who I don't know - and I have never placed a high value on that level of networking. Personal communication is still key to developing meaningful professional relationships.

"Reach out" is the most cringeworthy phrase. Equally virulent as "awesome."

But enough about me. OP, Law is self-serving. I'm not a lawyer, but I wouldn't think it self-serving if we'd previously met and you sent an email, following up. I would be impressed that you'd even remember.

Following up on anything is something that's important to me. I don't know if social media or a general 'it's all about me; I don't have to acknowledge anything anybody else does for me' downward trend in basic courtesy, that has caused it to fade.

I heard back from 3/4 of the attorneys I emailed.

One said it sounded like I was being responsible and will be successful.

One gave me advice on studying and not worrying about what my fellow classmates are doing.

One gave me a book recommendation on all things torts.

Overall a success!

OP, I have been a lawyer for years, have a good job. Graduated top of my class. I would be thrilled to get an email like that from a law student acquaintance.

Too “extra”, OP.

These are all people who were willing to meet with you to discuss law school. So why wouldn’t they be willing to stay in touch and continue to be available to you? But the responsibility for making that happen is on you. So you did it. It would be better if you could tailor your communications to them, as opposed to making it about you (update on school), but the important thing is that you did it. Of course it’s self-serving. That’s fine. These people already volunteered to help you by giving advice.

Unless you have a big cock, I don’t care how your law school is progressing