Euro 2020 Retrospective

Boo-fucking-hoo

England losing meant the FA, Wembley and Met Police dodged a fat bullet.A win would've caused catastrophic crowd trouble.The place was full of coked-up gatecrashers causing violence and mayhem already.

R2 yeah I do realise it was best for the common good. And truth be told England cope better when we’re melancholy (joy is an unfamiliar emotion to us).

Still upsetting that the squad worked so hard and hoped so much for no payoff, though. Those poor teens who missed pens had their confidence and faith destroyed.

Mary! at will, but realise it still hurt even knowing that it couldn’t have gone any other way. The emotional crash and catharsis of it all is difficult to convey to people who aren’t British football fans.

The world cup is coming up soon.

The disgusting racist backlash against the young black players was shocking.A nail biting spectacle to watch but the aftermath and autopsy was dreadful.So dispiriting.

it was the coach's fault! He picked players who didn't warm up properly to shoot the penalties

R4 no way are England making it past the round of 16 in Qatar. Consider the unbearable heat and aridity; the many bougie temptations; the fixtures drawn against a horrendously difficult group; the post-transfer & post-season exhaustion players will be feeling by Xmas: plus the handful of closeted players having to walk on knives the entire time.

If we couldn’t win the Euros on our home soil, family & friends looking on in our English summer rain, with extremely and unusually favourable fixtures and with enough R&R, then we can’t win anything. Our squad are fantastic, but conditions and bad decisions as well as player fatigue and low morale continually get in our way.

the duality of man😔

Can't someone sneak a camera into the lockerroom?

R10🙏🙏🙏🙏(((((manifest this))))

Wanna see the entire England NT ritually rail Jack Grealish like the voracious cockslut he is. For luck and vibes, of course.

if WWIII breaks out before England get the chance to touch sand at the World Cup I’m seriously going to have a total fucking paddy

catch me liveblogging England v Poland and posting asks about it from the digital trenches on my contraband phone

the reason england lost the 2018 russia world cup is because the kits were just that vile

sorry they were ugly asf. the shapelessness. the cheap fabric. the chestplate. the shiteous lettering like a digital clock (93:20 vibes🤮). the cutter slashes on the collar hem. don’t even wanna post a pic it was so poor. the warm up/training kit shirt that year was superior (had this sort of geometric design)

the euros 2020 set were so much nicer, especially the gorge silky clingy royal blue strip lined in blood red detailing😍😍

apparently its patterned turquoise/purple away kits for qatar which. yeah :/ makes you wanna die!! idec where we play—england should only ever play in blue red and/or white absolutely no exceptions

[quote] Boo-fucking-hoo.

blue ‘20 kit so sexy it makes captains shag each other😏

Christian Eriksen & his team were the only ones who had a more painful and sad Euro 2020 experience than England.

The man clinically died for five minutes while the world watched in helpless horror. Poor fella.

feel like shit just wanna go back to last summer lying on my sofa in a heatwave with radio 5 live in my headphones😔

[quote] The disgusting racist backlash against the young black players was shocking.

Testament to the inner psychological & emotional strength of those young POC players that they came back even stronger this domestic season.

Teenaged wonder Bukayo Saka is a particularly impressive kid. He’ll go far.

really in a bad fucked up emotional space and can’t sleep tonight (after my dad basically shamed me over a family dinner and refused to acknowledge or apologise)

shall i listen to commentary for the england-germany game back over again just for the catharsis and positive vibes of it all😔🙃⚽️

Jack Grealish : Don't worry, Del, bab. If Everton get relegated, you can always sub on the City bench—for Walks, when he ages out.

Dele Alli : Thanks. I already turned down the position you're playing.

Jack : Yeah, right! Pep ain’t that crazy.

Dele : You oughta know, darlin’, you just came out a rehab.

Jack : It was NOT a rehab!

Dele : Look. The Villa pushed you out, and everyone can see you’re flopping at City! So ya come crawlin' back to England national team. Well, England doesn't go for booze and dope. Now you get out my way, I got a really fit lad waiting for me at Garlands.

Jack : That's a change from the pervy coaches you're usually stuck with!

Dele : At least I never had to MARRY one to keep a Skipper’s armband!

Jack : OI!! TAKE THAT BACK!!! [pulls off Dele’s wig while scuffling] ... oh moy God, it's a wig! HER HAIR'S AS FAKE AS SHE IS!

Any Americans commenting are the types that say “no worries” and use “cheers” at the end of an email.

Such warm memories (or is that the flare burning me arsehole?)

R21 not condoning the violence and I know sounds mad but I genuinely do miss that mad summer. It was like catharsis and fresh air.

Ever since the summer, whenever I encounter a personal obstacle or someone walks up on me, I just shake my head and mutter to myself “no problem, no problem” just like Jordan Pickford did when saved all the pens in the Euros final.

Would England NT fuck their clones?

My sis just went on a business trip to Andorra, so while she’s there I asked her to cast a little brujeria on that shit plastic pitch at the Estadi Nacional. Just a little insurance for the future yenno😏

‘Shots it would take to fuck’ tier-ranking that no-one asked for:

Negative shots, i.e. not even out on the pull or the lash, but rather Ubering right over to his fuckpad, servicing and thanking *him* for the privilege, doing a load of his washing and a slap-up roast for his tea, then massaging his back/feet/head and cracking open a non-alcoholic low-sugar tinny to R&R him for rounds 2 & 3:

Hendo (*Mourinho voice* if I speak I am in trouble)

0 shots, i.e. skip drinks and go straight to the hotel suite until morning, no questions asked and no explanation necessary:

Grealish (body worship is not a kink thought I had but here we fucking are eh. ideally he’s the third party for me & Hendo)

Bamford (he looks and sounds like RPattz plus he was voluntarily in a documentary about gay footballers that is all we need)

Mings (handsome funny giant fella with ethics? And a cool backstory? Who can pick you up like a sack feathers? Come on now)

1 shot, i.e. short drinking sesh and a dirty dance before fucking in the VIP lounge:

Chilly (one of those ‘sensitive’ middle-class lads that is secretly absolute filth you can tell)

Rice (listen hear me out now that his hair’s grown out and his transfer value has shot up he’s suddenly very sexy? Call it the Grealish effect)

Trent (not even for a dicking or rimming necessarily, just wanna take nudes of him like one of my French girls)

Southgate (quiet laser-focused competency and humility in an older man are hmmmm nice. The formal dress and Daddy-vibe is a bonus challenge)

2-3 shots, i.e. mutual wank in the bathroom or a snoggy fingering in the alley behind the club then play it off and go home with someone else:

Pickford (would rank a shot fewer if he didn’t keep buzzing his floppy hair off and if he were more intelligent/less ogre-like and shouty)

Stonesy (would rank a shot fewer if he didn’t have naff tattoos, wasn’t already shagging Pickford, and didn’t stand like a pregnant woman when on the pitch)

Gallagher (would rank a shot fewer if I wouldn’t inevitably end up confusing him with Grealish by this point of tipsiness)

Dean Henderson (would rank a shot fewer if he didn’t share a name with the table leader)

4-5 shots, i.e. quick flirty feel-up and cheeky tugs under the table or in the taxi plus a regrettable sext chain, but not actually progressing to leg-opening:

Kane (don’t judge this would be pure socially-experimental morbid curiosity and ego-boosting on my part—why yes Journo from the Sun I *have* been asked for a pegging by the England golden-boy skipper what of it? Will you slip me a few hundred grand for the story?)

Lingard (plays for Yanited the worst club on Earth and also not physically attractive or sexy tbh, but his endless funny charm and positivity would get me I know it)

That alternate #2 goalkeeper who's not the one with the dodgy teeth—I wanna say Ramsdale? (‘Cos he’s sort of adorable and cuddly laddish ent he? yet so forgettable)

6+ shots, beer-goggling and only cracking on if despo and halfway out of it at this point:

Mount (if only he weren’t smurf-sized and Cyrano-nosed and mates with racists)

Coady (goofy asexual golf-dad vibe, but his wife must keep going back for something I suppose...)

Kal Philips (he’s too babyboy I’d feel like a succubus)

DCL (don’t think he rates pussy or knows his way around a female body tbh)

Shaw (not my physical type in men, too husky and built like a rugby player)

Dier (such a Tory dullard leaves me dry as a bone when he talks honestly)

Dele (he’d destroy me with bitchy comments before we got that far)

Everyone else in the squad is a default Hard Pass No, either because

1) too young/borderline illegal (Bellingham, Saka, Sancho, Smithe-Rowe, Watkins),

2) too hideous (Walks, Foden, Maddison, Maguire, Trippier),

3) a gross, disordered and/or absent personality (Walks & Maddison again, Pope, James, Sterling, Rashford, White),

4) too rubbish at football to contemplate (Oxlaide-Chamberlain)

I just always assume we'll lose at everything. Then I'm never disappointed. :)

Joking aside, we did well to get to the final, buy we were never gonna win on penalties.

How is this "WE" Kemosabe?

WHO is this "WE" I mean....?

R28/R29 huh?

r30, [quote]We lost exactly the same way France did

the "We" is what I am question. Italy was very happy with the Victory.

R31 in some regions of the North of England, “we” and “our” can be used interchangeably with “I” and “my”.

This is characteristic in particular of the ‘Mackem’ accent of Sunderland.

Hope this helps 🐉

Jarrod Bowen still hasn’t been called up to the England senior XI, and I take that personally😔

[quote] We lost exactly the same way France did in 2006

I will never forget that that headbutt.

R34 oh Zizou..

GK- Jordan Pickford/Aaron Ramsdale (S)

RB- Trent Alexander Arnold CB- John Stones/Tyrone Mings (S) LB- Ben Chilwell

CDM- Declan Rice/Kalvin Phillips (S)

CM- Jordan Henderson/Jude Bellingham

CAM- Phil Foden/Jack Grealish/Mason Mount (S)

LW- Raheem Sterling/Patrick Bamford (S) RW- Jarrod Bowen

If we don’t play these lads in this configuration of positions (inc. subs/alternates) against Switzerland? it’s on fucking sight with me and Southgate bruv😡

R31 well italy nt may have won the final but those players will never be straddled and pinned down amorously by a feral sweaty sexy dominant jordan henderson and that's a bigger win

Grealish...guess he just doesn’t care as much as I thought he did and as much as he said he did about hanging on to his England shirt😞

Him playing in the Euros 2020 was magical, but I fear it was a one-time mythical moment that cannot happen again...🌥

[quote]The disgusting racist backlash against the young black players was shocking.A nail biting spectacle to watch but the aftermath and autopsy was dreadful.So dispiriting.

Especially given that England (and the UK in general) liked to smugly present itself to the world as post-racial. Yet the second it became clear that the three penalty misses happened to be by black players, there was an instant sinking feeling all around as if everybody knew exactly what was going to happen. There are tweets and other posts on SM literally seconds after the last penalty stating "I wish this doesn't get racial" and "this won't be pretty" by media commentators who were previously chastising the U.S. for things like George Floyd and BLM. Others cowered and waited for the inevitable. Even dumb as dirt Jack Grealish joined in the pile-on telling media he'd offered to take a penalty but wasn't picked. Truly embarrassing spectacle.

Another interesting revelation is just how hated England and their jingoistic "football's coming home" bullshit was.

Even within the UK.

[quote] Even dumb as dirt Jack Grealish joined in the pile-on telling media he'd offered to take a penalty but wasn't picked.

Not denying that Jack the Slut of Solihull is staggeringly stupid and cannot read a room to save his thickheaded scabby ridiculous life, but it’s clear he tweeted this in earnest defence of his friend Bukayo Saka and in veiled criticism of the gaffer Gareth Southgate.

He’s a lot of unsavory and embarrassing things, is our Jack, but it’s hard to believe he would have let a minor he cares about take a career fall for him.

[quote] the second it became clear that the three penalty misses happened to be by black players, there was an instant sinking feeling all around as if everybody knew exactly what was going to happen. There are tweets and other posts on SM literally seconds after the last penalty stating "I wish this doesn't get racial" and "this won't be pretty"

These reactions came from the majority of everyday citizens who do not have xenophobic or racist sentiments. The loud minority of Ultras & Casuals do not represent an entire nation.

Southgate chose them based on what they did at practice.

R44 as if Southgate won’t just pick his teams according to whatever pleasures may his precious beloved golden boy move.

Still unbelievable to me that Kane is the Skipper and not Henderson.

Everyone naysayed Hendo’s appointment back in 2016, but ever since we’ve seen him blossom as a true passionate fierce leader under that pressure, rather than buckle and shy away as Kane has done. The Captain’s armband has been the making of Jordan Henderson, and the undoing of Harry Kane. The role isn’t for everyone, but you know when someone’s born to it, and like Keano & JT before him, Hendo is.

Brutally Hendo will soon be entering his twilight years as an athlete, and so England have got to make the most of his expertise and command while they still can. For this reason as well as his sterling qualities and the trust & confidence he inspires in the other players, he should be the sole permanent Captain for the next year or two. Let the boys go into Qatar knowing that they have unshakeable faith in their tough elder leader and that they feel compelled to meet what he demands from them.

Typical England with their overrated players and boorish fans shouting about "It's coming home!" throughout the tournament. Italy - despite the outrageous staging - had a better game. Deal with it.

Not sure most people were that happy with the Italy win - but I am sure most people were happy England lost.

Will the Champions League final be going ahead in St Pete's?

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

The English media constantly brag about the English Football Team. They only need to appear in the first round of a tournament and talk immediately turns to who they’ll face in the final. Over confident, unrealistic beliefs lead to bitter public recrimination. It happens time and time again.

R50 yes exactly??!!! It’s tradition!!!

if we can’t drink and we can’t get our hopes up unreasonably then are we actually English?

Compared to how we used to be, we’ve come so far in just five years. Proud of the boys😌

....

So in retrospect that U k ra!n e victory feels a bit :/ now..

Still rate that Hendo screamer tho. Very sexy😌🏆😘

It’s 3 weeks and 2 days til I see my boys play again this is keeping me going honestly

Who cares this much about a sportsball, you fucking lunatic

R56 um obvs me? Waste of a reply tbh. Poor from you.

Clearly you have never self-medicated anxiety and soothed avoidant behaviours with trivial fixations before. Oh well guess we can’t all be savage insane dysregulated mentalist goddesses!!!😔

if Jack’s lovely arse and thighs can’t convince oil barons to give up humans rights abuses nothing will😔

hnnnng tickets to Nation’s League match close to home £100...have no one to go with and shouldn't be spending on that with my low income stream and poor emotional regulation...probably gonna pop for a stub anyway...

R42, he was also called out by a pundit (maybe Keane?) for not stepping up and taking a penalty. So he was trying to defend himself.

R60 Keane is a bitter old nihilistic dinosaur, nothing makes him happy and he’s got wrongheaded and overly-harsh criticisms for everyone. Wouldn’t put much stock by what he’s got to say.

Also, Roy is hardly one to be handing down moral judgements, considering the violent and reckless regard he once had for physical safety and emotional conduct in the game. So he’s a hypocrite as well as a scold.

Let 2022 be the year we stop listening to ancient pundits sucking on their sour lemons and trying to sabotage the wellbeing of others 🙏

Lucky for my heartstrings that Dele & Dier don’t really play much for England anymore.

England national team during Euro 2020 broke 3 records:

1) Getting the first run of 7 consecutive wins in England football history;

2) Havjng #1 goalie Jordan Pickford playing 725 minutes without conceding, and;

3) Being the first ever team not to concede once in the first 5 matches of a Euros.

the last time i felt true blissful cosmic joy was the win against germany

Looking forward to such classic training montages of games-rondo, foot race, frisbee, beanbag toss, rubber chicken tag, whatever the bloody hell that one is where they slide counters over a table...