What experiences do you think all gay men have gone through?

I went through none of that OP.

Fair enough R1. It’s a much younger demographic on Reddit on so I was curious if we would have common ground here.

R1, is rare (and fortunate.) I certainly experienced 1, 3 and 4.

WHORIN and SLUTTIN'

R2 you have no idea my age, nor my demographic. I would agree with R3 that I am fortunate.

Sex acts performed somewhere that could end in arrest.

Having interest in traditionally girly things as a little boy like playing house, The Little Mermaid, female pop stars and Barbie. Putting on mom's makeup and heels.

Looking at the attractive guys on teen magazine, Men's Health and GQ covers.

Most families are still uncomfortable with the idea of their son being gay even among the most liberal.

I'm not sure how to properly word this but what about being aroused by something before you were aware of what arousal is, what sex is or what homosexuality is. For example, I remember being taken with a Gillette commercial that showed a shirtless man shaving in his bathroom. I could not have been more than 8 or 9 years old at the time but there was something about that shirtless man that grabbed my attention.

Solid list. I would add to it being shunned/left out by other boys at some point while growing up and wondering why.

Even "editing" your identity in various ways - lowering your voice, hiding your true interests or trying to gjve answers that others will deem heteronormative, regarding which girls/sports/movies/music you enjoy.

Jerked off to the men's underwear ads in the Sears and JCPenney catalogues.

Getting aroused in the locker room at the public swimming pool.

Had a crush on a straight friend in school that they hid and never spoke of.

R11

Oh yes. I remember it well.

Being called faggot and wondering "how can they tell and how can I hide it better".

Having a crush on a famous person.

For me, it was Shaun Cassidy.

I wanted my mother to think I liked him for his music.

Molestation.

Having a secret gay sexual relationship/fuckbuddy.

All through my 20s I was fucking the guy next door who was only two years younger.

To this day, no one else knows but us.

If reincarnation exists, I’m pretty sure I was a very slutty gay guy who died of AIDS in the mid-80s. Every since I was very very young, I used to think it would be amazing if there was a place where with all men who were naked and hanging out in a pool.

I realized my childhood dream was a bathhouse.

Wanking off on public transportation.

Wishing they were straight after realizing how vapid many gay men are.

Fear.

Metaphysical patricide.

Having your heart so severely broken that you wonder, "is this what being gay is going to be like? ALWAYS?"

And some of the cuter ones mentioned above.

Having pretty female friends in middle/high school and having no sexual attraction to them whatsoever.

When you were very young, feeling somehow different and knowing you weren't like everybody else but having no idea why.

Feeling separate and alone, and not knowing why.

Why is it gay can’t be cured but gender can be?

Considering BEAUTICIAN as an occupation.

Being slammed against a school locker, having "fairy" or "fag" or "pansy" written on your locker, having the books knocked out of your arms even after you learned to carry them hanging against your thigh (like a guy) rather than up against your chest (like a girl), having your full lunch tray knocked out of your hands...I could go on. And on.

Shortened to: The trauma of middle school or junior high.

(I hope it's okay if I've posted multiple experiences.)

Never being accepted. Not even within a theatre group of all places.

I experienced none of those things either, OP, and I'm 60.

I'm 31 and I can't relate to the last two items. I never wanted to "cure" myself and no one told me I was gay. Looks like one of those annoying reddit posts where they assume everyone has had the same experience. I hate the gays on reddit.

I only experienced 1 and 2, never thought even for a moment being gay was "curable", even back in the late 70's/ early 80's when many adults actually took this ridiculous notion seriously. And nobody worked out I was gay before I figured it out for myself around 15 or so.

[quote]Having interest in traditionally girly things as a little boy like playing house, The Little Mermaid, female pop stars and Barbie. Putting on mom's makeup and heels.

R7 I never had any interest in any of that

[quote]Looking at the attractive guys on teen magazine, Men's Health and GQ covers.

This though.... very much so!

[quote]Had a crush on a straight friend in school that they hid and never spoke of.

And this.... multiple times. So many crushes

R18 never had a fuckbuddy, that didnt come til later

R28 Never thought of beautician as a occupation. When I thought of what I wanted to do for a job, automotive design and civil engineering were my dream jobs

This isn’t some deep question designed to get you all defensive and MARY’ing about assumptions re: demographics (though I’m sure you’re 23 years old and drop dead gorgeous R5) - it’s just a silly little exercise for a Sunday morning.

And most of these posts I can absolutely relate to (some heartbreaking and some very funny). Which is why I love you bitches and DL in general.

[...]

Thinking you're more attractive than the girlfriend of the guy you like.

Realising, in retrospect, that the guy you crushed on when you were younger wasn't all that.

Fantasizing about the guy you like making out and having sex with girls(although, perhaps that was just me?).

Looking at the crotch of your crush's girlfriend and thinking, "his penis has been in there"(again, just me?).

Wanting to put aluminum foil on your wrists to deflect bullets like Wonder Woman or wrapping a t-shirt really tight around your head and then spinning so it would come undone like Diana Prince turning into Wonder Woman. For the record, we didn't want to be women, but none of the guy superheroes had such cool and fabulous ways like that to change into being a superhero.

Hysterics when learning to parallel park.

Having an intense crush on a straight guy. You know you can never have him, yet that makes the attraction even stronger.

[...]

Having straight guys mad at you in high school because you were best friends with their girlfriend.

r37 Diana Prince spinning around and turning into Wonder Woman in a flash of light is one of the coolest things ever. It's certainly the best superhero transformation of all time.

r41 that was me in high school

Being so worried about getting outed. You isolate from family and friends and put up a persona. Early on you learn to repress any gender non-conformity after being told "that's for girls", "man up", "boys don't kiss boys", etc. You deepen your voice and speak monotone. Fake interest in girls and verbally objectify them. Date them and attempt sex. Even watch straight porn with other guys to concur you like girls.

Second R25. My group of friends in HS were five of the prettiest most popular girls in the school and we were inseparable. It drove the boys nuts. I have always been able to talk to women. In HS it was frustrating because I wanted to be able to talk to and have male friends on the same non-sexual level, but the sexual tension I felt always got in the way and alienated most of my male peers.

I never felt being gay was curable and neither did I want it to be. It was as much a part of me as having legs and arms. I couldn't imagine being without it. Still if I had been born straight life would have been so much easier and profitable at least in terms of not losing my inheritance.

I'm sure a lot of this is both generational and situational. I grew up in the 60s and 70s when most gay men were very much closeted. There were laws criminalizing our very existence, and you could lose your job, your family and friends -or even your life if you were outed. I lived in a redneck town, surrounded by religious zealots. No way was it easy to come to terms with who I was. No such thing as support groups, allies, and safe spaces. And then, when I became sexually of age -boom! - there was AIDS...

Did all men go through those experiences? Of course not. But I suspect most of my generation and those who are older did. And, sadly, some of the younger ones too. What have we ALL gone through? Easy: lusting after men. Want to be near men. Wanting the love and attention of a man. It's the basis for what we are. Would I change now if I could? No way! Would I have changed back then if I could? I'm sure for most of my youth I would have said yes.

Chased through the fields after school and raped.

R48, I'm very sorry that happened to you.

Trying your damndest not to get a boner while changing with the other boys in the locker room during gym class.

My biggest high school crush Bill S. and I had gym class together sophomore year and one day he was sitting on a bench in the locker room in his loose-fitting tighty-whities with his legs spread apart. I could see everything he had. I thought I was going to pass out.

Follies!

R1/R3 is a deranged ass, so pay no attention. It is a self-proclaimed tranny fucker and says that if someone tried to fuck it, it would shoot them. Seems like a reasonable point of view.

🙄

I was a teen in the 2000s and luckily there was some (not the best or enough) gay representation on TV and movies and a section of LGBT YA in the local library and a gay-straight alliance. But I also had a very religious family and grew up in a rural area so I still felt uncomfortable with being gay. I didn't think it was wrong as I knew I could not help it. But the representation in the media of flamboyant gays would be Queer Eye types or drag queens. So I didn't see much of nerdy, average introverted gays with plain fashion like myself.

But I did try hard to change myself and be straight. Because being straight seemed easier and more normal. There was still beliefs that gayness was wrong and homophobia was still common. Like slurs like homo, fag and fudgepacker was still used by straight guys and girls. Also I learned about gay conversion therapy and was paranoid my family would send me there.

I tried to pray the gay away. Try to pursue girls. Tried to repress my desires. Try to act more masculine and play sports. Hanged out with straight guys. It was all a farce and it wasn't until I went away to college that I began to embrace my sexuality and who I was.

Thanks, R53. I was afraid to even mention praying. As a Roman Catholic, and under the constant pressure and messages that homosexuality was wrong, I prayed for years to God to please make me straight. This was in the 60s and 70s.

Praying the gay away, Indeed. That horrifies me now. I'm a recovering Catholic and an atheist, but it was real to me then, when for whatever reason I believed in a god.

It was ultimately my decision and my problem, but among other entities, the Catholic Church really did a job on me.

Here is an embarrassing one - I would think about men exclusively while masturbating and then right as I was about to cum I would quick think of a woman. And then think okay phew maybe I’m not gay.

Oooof. Sure Jan. You’re gay alright.

The first time I successfully jerked off to climax I was thinking about the leather dude from The Village People.

Being verbally or physically assaulted or attacked

Having the men in my neighborhood joke around about me wanting to see "their thing" and if I wanted to to suck on it like a lollipop. I actually saw two of them but never took action on it. I was too scared and ran away.

Oh yeah carrying books with both hands up against my chest. MARY!

Trying mommy's lipstick or high heels.

Being extra homophobic to other gay boys so that people won't be onto you.

Having sex with a married man.

Being called a cunt on DL.

[quote]Trying your damndest not to get a boner while changing with the other boys in the locker room during gym class.

What was yet more challenging was seeing cocky alphas in swim trunks with bulging erections, and needing to look away while they changed. They just didn't care! Nonetheless those glimpses and so many others - such a variety of cock - gave me hot images for masturbation, and let me know exactly how gay I was. Locker room scenarios get me off to this day.

R55 Lol I would do that too. How awful!

Thoughts and attempts of suicide.

Anger at everyone and everything for being gay.

Loneliness- absolute loneliness even in the middle of a crowd or with “friends”.

r30 or just the opposite finding your theater group and finally feeling you belong.

R63 I’m not suicidal and most gays I’ve ever known are tough.

Until these last 10-15 years, taking the fat girl to the prom...

[quote]taking the fat girl to the prom

Don't think we didn't love you for that.

Sniffing your hot but religious roommate underwear?

Walking home with cum slowly leaking from your hole?

[quote]most gays I’ve ever known are tough.

Tough or hardened? I never contemplated suicide either but I shared most of the experiences listed here and it hardened me not in the good way. Maybe it's the same thing except to me there's a difference between any experience toughening you, which to me implies you get a kind of confidence as result, and hardening, which is a defensive thing. I was hardened and despite therapy I never really managed to be anything else. Anyway, probably just semantics.

[quote] Fantasizing about the guy you like making out and having sex with girls(although, perhaps that was just me?).

Not just you. And when I was having sex with girls that's how I would get hard--thinking about a guy I liked having sex with a girl and somehow his penis became mine.

[quote] I would think about men exclusively while masturbating and then right as I was about to cum I would quick think of a woman. And then think okay phew maybe I’m not gay.

BTDT

Being befriended by someone more for being gay than for being you. Someone who wants a GBF, pet gay, court jester, or to increase some kind of cred. Then, learning to spot these idiots and giving them a wide berth. One of many examples: I was introduced at a party in the 1990s as their ‘gay friend’ by someone I barely knew. Everyone at the table nodded approvingly. I blame SATC, W&G, et al. Lol. Hope this doesn’t happen much to today’s gaylings.

Every gay man I know had the same dilemma. "Do I want to DATE the homecoming queen? Do I want to BE the homecoming kween?" Every dang one of them!

Making homophobic comments that call attention to others being gay ... so you can distract attention away from yourself. I did this to others in middle school, high school, and college, and I had it done to me by other closeted men.

Not all, but many of my generation (I'm 60 but I look 40 in the dark if you're drunk and high) were bullied/abused by mean lesbian teachers/nuns.

Seduction and Betrayal

What distinguishes it from the straights though R75? I agree with you there is something distinctive we've experienced with seduction and betrayal but I'm can't articulate how it's different from the heteros.

I think there are two very distinct gay experiences, with massive overlap between the two.

There are gay men who everyone knew were gay starting pretty much at birth, and others who were unclockable except maybe by good friends.

So the former likely had the "my best friends in high school were all hot girls" experience and the latter had the "I had a massive crush on my straight best friend in high school" experience.

But again, this is not binary--most guys have a little of both.

I think most gay men have been involved in sketchy sex that would be defined as rape by a straight counterpart.

And it was HOT AS FUCK r78!

LOL ^

OP and all, yes, have felt most of all the above. Most. The fear of being gay is quite common.

Masculine gays and bis don't go through any of these, except the crush thing. I don't know any gay or bi from my circle who had suffered any type of homophobia, that's why DL hates us, actually.

I can relate to the locker room thing. By the time I was in school, any showers were private, thank God, but the changing and toweling was all in the open. I was already self-conscious about my body conscious, but add in my fear of getting hard if I saw a hot classmate and my anxiety went through the roof.

I never denied my gayness, but I just didn't talk about it. Took girls to dances, but never even pretended to date any of them.

One of my earliest memories involves a best friend I had in pre-school. He was so beautiful and blonde with the most stunning blue eyes you'd ever seen. After pre-school, his parents sent him to a different school and I didn't see him again for years. There was a dream I had where I was trying to find him and it felt like something out of a tragic romance or something. It's like my subconscious knew I was gay before I did. Years later, we were reconnected but the spark was gone. I think he's a fundie now, so no big loss.

Undressed my GI Joe’s and my sister’s Ken dolls. Never undressed the Barbies.

Unrequited crushes on cute straight boys in middle school/high school.

Collecting Undergear catalogs

Asking for the little Barbie doll in Happy Meals because the Hot Wheels and Transformers were boring.

Having a poster of a female pop singer you're a fan of because she's "so hot."

Being picked last in gym because you're awful at sports

[quote] Masculine gays and bis don't go through any of these, except the crush thing. I don't know any gay or bi from my circle who had suffered any type of homophobia, that's why DL hates us, actually.

I think they do suffer homophobia maybe not external. But the Internalized type especially if they have a reputation to maintain or live in a conservative area. Denial of self causes a lot of mental issues. Of course it's not as bad as the bullying and potential violence that feminine gays have to deal with.

Choked at the club

Having a huge crush on my older brother's best friend, who was perpetually shirtless and beautiful.

When I was a pre-teen, I was at YMCA, with a friend. After swimming, we were lost in the building. We exited through the gang shower. My eyes popped! There stood this chestnut haired, gorgeous, hairy man, with a mustache and a beautiful cock. He was soaping up. It was incredibly erotic. (It was the early 1970s.) I’m still incredibly attracted to hairy men, with facial hair.

Also, the scent of swimming pool chlorine is a powerful aphrodisiac.

Being really young and having crushes on my friends’ dads (and my dad’s friends). Little earnest gayling sneaking glances over at them.

[quote] Masculine gays and bis don't go through any of these, except the crush thing. I don't know any gay or bi from my circle who had suffered any type of homophobia, that's why DL hates us, actually.

In many ways this explains the whole "calling other men 'she' and 'her' thing"

It's a way for femmes to pass on all the abuse they got to those gay men who didn't.

And why the hissing on that thread is audible in China

Hoping your friend will make a move on you when you spend the night at his house.

"What experiences do you think all gay men have gone through?"

Penis envy.

Complete separation of dating life from family life. Not mentioning anything whatsoever about personal life to family because of shame.

Tell me about it R96

R55 reminded me that I did the opposite of what he did: when I was jerking off I would think of women. It was some useless attempt to hope, think, delude myself that I was - or could be straight. Maybe if I tried hard enough.

But when I wanted to cum, frustrated that images of women weren't working, my mind would wander to some guy I knew and bam, instant orgasm.

I knew deep down that I wasn't going to change, though it didn't stop me from trying.

I love the DLers who are all like "masculine gay guys are undetectable as being gay."

Think again, bitches. EVERYBODY knows you like other dudes.

Always being the less favored son no matter how successful you are.

R99 not true with bisexual men

I’ve been with probably 10 of them and no one would ever suspect it, these are street, white thug type dudes and they love sucking dick

r101 that's not really the class of men I was talking about.

r99 is annoying. Gay men have been married to women, have been asked out by female classmates or friends, have been on a guys' night out with their male friends to hook up with girls... What is the big deal with allowing that gay men don't act or look the same? If straight men can be taken for gay, why is it impossible that some gay men have as straight?

Unless the gay man in question is a flaming queen with a high voice. It's not hard for most of us to blend into the straight population and fool others. Straight men act more masculine than they actually are and deepen their voices. Gay men will do the same.

I can't say this for all gay men because I myself did not but thinking about my partner and his falling into the glamour of drugs.

Actually, I did fall in love with the idea but he would not let me do it.

LOL

R101, R103, R104 - it's not that complicated.

There is a percentage of gay men, many DLers it would seem, who get clocked as gay just from their body language and clothing choices. They don't even have to open their mouths. They are walking through the supermarket and people are thinking, "that gay guy's got a lot in his cart." Think Carson Kressley

Then there are the rest of us who can go to the supermarket and all anyone thinks is "that guy's got a lot in his cart." Think Zach Quinto

And if you are the former, you are going to have to deal with a lot more hate and prejudice and people up in your business before you even open your mouth, That's not something most of us deal with on the daily.

Maybe I misinterpreted what some of you are trying to say. A gay man who presents as masculine can fool straight people into thinking he's straight in brief encounters, social encounters etc.? Of course.

A gay man who presents as masculine can fool straight people into thinking he's straight when those people are co-workers, friends, or any people who have regular contact with that man? No. Eventually everybody figures things out.

r107 Zach Quinto is obviously gay, there is no hiding it. If you didn't know who he was and you saw him in the supermarket you would know right away.

It's 2022 R108

Not many gay guys are trying to fool their friends and co-workers anymore.

r110 it was a response to the ridiculous notion that masculine straight guys can pass for straight and no one will ever know, which is all over this thread.

LOL R111

Yes...to strangers who see them in random places.

Which means no one is walking past then can calling them homophobic slurs

So not really ridiculous at all

Worrying about whether you pass is exhausting.

R108/ R111 I could pass if I wanted to, nobody clocked me before I came out.

I just cant be fucked though, its easier to be honest, that way I dont have to think hard. Trying to pass is too much work, and these days its pointless

[quote]I can relate to the locker room thing. By the time I was in school, any showers were private, thank God, but the changing and toweling was all in the open.

I never went through this, even though I was in gym and on football teams for six years. (Open showers all the way.) I wasn't at all interested in seeing my classmates'/teammates' bodies and dicks. I couldn't tell you what one of them looked like naked, not even my best friend, who looking back, I had a crush on. (But I never thought about having sex with him.)

I really had no clue I was gay ... or I was so deep in denial that it never consciously registered. Probably why I was never clocked as gay by anyone else.

^This is just unfathomable to me.

I think ALL men get called a homo or a fag at least once, usually by straight guys by their buddies in a joking way

I remember this guy tried to get with this girl out of his league and he was friends with her ex boyfriend and the ex boyfriend was really good looking and a jock and the guy trying to hook up with his ex girlfriend said to him “she said you were a homo, she needed a real man”

Obviously she never said that and he was joking but that’s how straight guys bond with each other

A lot of straight men are only homophobic due to peer pressure and maintaining their image if masculinity. Straight men who are narcissistic also take it that gay men are into them and feel uncomfortable. Most of those guys are ugly and uneducated morons who also think every women are into them too. Confident and happy straight men aren't threatened by gay men and find them good company. Goodlooking straight guys actually like the attention of gays. As we see with all the Instagram and TikTok models who bait their gay audience who pay them (straight girls ain't supporting them).

I have straight male friends myself I usually am not attracted to sexually. It's harder to have gay or bi friends because the risk of ruining friendship by falling in love and hooking up.

r112 it was in regular life, not just fleeting encounters

Was called a "fag" in junior high school before I understood what the word meant.

We had this album when I was a kid and I was fascinated by the treasure trail of the guy on the right.

Since when do we take anything said on Reddit seriously? Bunch of nerds on there.

Reddit is mainstream and nerds especially gay nerds are generally more intelligent so they would have more insight. I like the GayBros and AskGayBros subreddit because at least it's not taken over by LGBT, trans and "queer" teens who want to control the narrative

OP- I was totally HOT IN THE PANTS for Popeye when I was a kid.

I asked my mother to buy spinach. She bought me some spinach and I tasted it -

YUCK

I feel the same way R123.

R125 Yep. I feel bad for the lesbian subreddits that all got taken over by trans women, queer and nonbinary. I think gay men are far less likely to tolerate this and we keep our subreddits on gay male topics. Bisexual subreddit is also just trans topics now and too many self proclaimed queers too.

Yes also the gay subreddits tend (generally speaking) to be more good-natured and supportive than DL (though never as funny - no one is at witty as the bitches here).

I agree with R123, R125 and R126, but sometimes the vibe on the Gaybros subreddit can be a bit 'woke'.

I saw a poster the other day mention that sex drive between two gay men is very different than the sex drive in a hetero relationship, in that it is generally higher. They got pounded on by SJWs trying to frame the argument that women get horny too, and not all gay men have high sex drive. I agreed with the OP there though, because it is generally true that males crave sex more than women do, and it therefore only stands to reason that gay men would sexualize their relationships more than straight couples do.

A hysterical overreaction to something extremely trivial.

Yeah that’s some bullshit to say the sex drive is the same as when a woman is involved. Women get horny too - STFU.

And if a gay man is arguing that point then damn…. I don’t know what to say. Go hang out with the fraus or get your sex drive in order….

I can understand trying to score 'woke points' when your identity is known, like on twitter or FB, but on Reddit? Why do people bother? It's not like anyone was saying that women are soulless, asexual, or wrong in any way. But, if you react like that's what is being said, somehow you are to be rewarded. So fucked up, and it's the worst thing about the Internet.

[quote]Having interest in traditionally girly things as a little boy like playing house, The Little Mermaid, female pop stars and Barbie. Putting on mom's makeup and heels.

Stop. All gay men did not experience this.

So basically this entire thread is just a list of gay stereotypes. Cool.

A subset of DL's effeminate males is EXTREMELY vested in every gay man having the same experiences they did and truly believe that the those of us who don't speak and dress like them are just repressing it.

I still remember every detail of my friend's older brother changing in front me at a swim club with his full bush and big dick and always considered it the first time I'd seen a grown man naked.

Now I think back and realize he was only fifteen years old

R21 if you think straight men aren't vapid you don't know too many of them

Gay men are more likely to have college degrees than straight men

[quote]I think they do suffer homophobia maybe not external. But the Internalized type especially if they have a reputation to maintain or live in a conservative area. Denial of self causes a lot of mental issues. Of course it's not as bad as the bullying and potential violence that feminine gays have to deal with.

I was including myself in it. I had no internalized homophobia, I grew up with progressive parents who had many gay friends and are bisexual themselves. I didn't know I was gay because the models we had back in the late 80s early 90s were effeminate. I knew I liked boys but not that I was gay. I had a great childhood like most boys my age.

Well damn R137 - how lovely for you. A great childhood like most boys your age. MARY!

If only it weren't for those terrible effeminate queens modeling all the gay behavior (including your parents' friends I guess). Then maybe you would have realized.

Oh well - not a problem because we all ended up in the same place - didn't we? DATALOUNGE! You are forced to interact with effeminate queens and garbage people with trash childhoods! REJOICE!

[quote] You are forced to interact with effeminate queens and garbage people with trash childhoods! REJOICE!

What chip on my shoulder?

I don't see any chip? Do you?

Growing up, the gay men you saw on tv were femme jokes. It was a really shitty introduction to what being gay was. There were no "regular" gay men portrayed in the media at the time.

Somewhere on DL there is a thread about that, R140. I remember it was one of the first things I read on here when I found the site.

But yes, as per that thread, many of us who were not femme stereotypes were initially convinced that being gay meant wearing silly clothes, speaking in exaggerated voices and debating ladies fashion, pop divas and Broadway musicals.

Fortunately due to the internet, getting out in the world, or both, we discovered that was not the case.

The femmes on that thread were just as triggered as the ones on this thread.

r141 I'm a child of the 80s. Back then it was Wayland Flowers, Jim J. Bullock and (god help us) Richard Fucking Simmons. I knew I was gay from an early age and I was pretty uncomfortable that this was what "gay" was. And then of course there was AIDS. I'm not exaggerating when I say it was frightening. It wasn't until I was in college and met other men like me that I was able to relax. It was a bad time for gay kids back then, you never saw any gay men who were "normal" in the media.

That does sound pretty awful R142

One of the strangest things about these threads is that the Femme Contingent seems to believe that there are only two possible behaviors-- over the top femme or frat-bro-jock/blue collar bubba. (Or to be more accurate, an over-the-top femme pretending to be a frat bro or bubba and denying their true self.)

The fact that nerds, geeks, skaters, musicians, gamers, etc exist--none of whom are stereotypical femmes--seems lost on them.

“ The fact that nerds, geeks, skaters, musicians, gamers, etc exist”

They all think you’re a righteous dude, Ferris.

"I still remember every detail of my friend's older brother changing in front me at a swim club with his full bush and big dick...Now I think back and realize he was only fifteen years old"

Pics or it didn't happen...

[quote]It wasn't until I was in college and met other men like me that I was able to relax.

For rural gays, counting the days until high school graduation and being able to leave town for college, or at least move to a major city.

Realizing that male homosexuality is consist much worse and more taboo than female homosexuality and that most straight people are fine with female homosexuality but will treat a gay guy like absolute shit

Over 90% of that bullshit I had to put up with wouldn’t happen if I was a lesbian, it took me a long time to realize that

Because of that their really is no LGBT community, you got to be strong and fight for yourself and come out with your dignity and respect in tact

The media doesn’t tell young gay/bisexual men this however

R147 That's why it's insulting seeing so many young women identify as "queer", "bi" and "LGBT" and portraying themselves as victims of homophobia as if they have it just as bad as gay men. I think lesbians do suffer from homophobia but mainly butch dykes who aren't hot to straight men.

Of those four, I only had the second, OP: I had a thing for Aquaman and his sexy voice.

Seduction and betrayal. So wise.

R148 yup, I absolutely hate it, it’s a breeze and fun for them, but we’re fighting for our lives and shit, look at all the anti LGBT hate crimes and violence , more than 90% of it is directed towards gay or presumed gay men

And nobody talks about it

None of our supposed leaders

There’s this false sense of security, straight people have no clue the bullshit level that gay/bi men have to put up with on a day to day basis, they see flamboyant guys at Pride parades, they don’t see the real bullshit

[quote] That's why it's insulting seeing so many young women identify as "queer", "bi" and "LGBT" and portraying themselves as victims of homophobia as if they have it just as bad as gay men.

I don't think they're bad people (for the most part) but they're just bored and want to feel "special" and they truly have no idea how ignorant and offensive they are in light of the fact that actual gay people have gone through a LOT of shit.

R152 male homosexuality threatens everyone across the board and pisses straight people off

Lesbians don’t have that effect, in fact a lot of times it’s promoted

Again it took getting the shit kicked out of me and being made to feel like absolute shit at an old job O had to realize that, there was a lesbian couple that worked there, I was closeted bisexual, I hung and went drinking with them a few times, the bitch lesbian went up to a guy I told her while drunk outside of work that I thought was hot and told him, it got back to him we went from being friends to enemies, he freaked out all the other guys at work who were my buddies and who I played basketball with stopped talking and to me when they found out I was bisexual and started talking shit on me reminding me how disgusting I suddenly was but the two lesbians were treated like gold, everyone loved them, I was the scumbag from hell villain all of a sudden, shit the guy I had a thing for was always going on about how hot two women are and how much he loved lesbians etc

But according to him I was “a sick fuck and a pervert “

Then I almost got fired for wanting to fight him outside of work after he talked all this shit about me

It was worse that the lesbians were accepted and I wasn’t was even bullied , and they started this and they even gave my back

It’s something I still haven’t gotten over as I was only 19 at the time and had only been with 1 guy prior to it

I can relate, R153.

My cousin is a tough diesel dyke. She and her girlfriend were always welcome at my brother's house and he treated them like gold. They were his drinking buddies. The whole family embraced her when she came out (after she had spend most of her life in the closet, was married and raised four boys).

This is the same brother who told me that he would fucking disown me if I came out as gay.

All this was back in the 80s and 90s. Today, my brother and I are very close. When I came out to him (which was in 2007!), he professed his love for me, and that it didn't mean a thing to me. I repeated what he had said to me decades ago, and he was very sorry about that. I believe him. Nowadays, my husband and I are very close with he and his wife, and we spend time together. My brother adores my husband, as they are both engineers. They have more to talk about than I do. LOL.

Things can change, is my point.

As a teenager, having a crush on a hot married dad in the neighborhood.

The Walk Of Shame.

Practicing your oral skills on carrots, bananas, cucumbers, bread sticks, and carrots before having consistent access to a real dick. Extra points if you still used these things to get practice even after you started sucking real dick.

Obsessively watching and taping ODAAT while growing up.

Being obsessed with soap operas as a kid. My programs were Days of Our Lived and One Life To Live.

Being hit on by married men and knowing you can't say anything without causing a riot.

[quote]What experiences do you think all gay men have gone through?

Sex with men, one hopes.

Constant paranoia.

Anyone else reading through these and (once again) thinking you have so little in common with many of the gay men on DL?

Quite the contrary, R163.

While bottoming, thinking that maybe anal sex is not for you and you should stick to blow jobs.

R157, I was sucking actual dick from age 10 with my friends my own age. No carrots needed here.

R160, I recall being hit on by tons of guys as a young adult, married or otherwise, and I was actually rather oblivious to it.

Watching a TV show where some girl is being harassed by some rapist or predator type and wishing you were her.

Having to hide your gay romances from your parents. Especially if they’re homophobic and totally unreceptive to your desire for a love life.

This one applies to our lesbian friends as well: Having that strange unnatural feeling when having to dance with the opposite sex at a formal event; whilst we glance around the room, quietly and patiently yearning to dance with one of our own.

Awww yes R169. Been there.

"What experiences do you think all gay men have gone through?"

Swallowing before they could spit.

[quote] "Getting aroused in the locker room at the public swimming pool."

We didn't go to public pools very often (we were poor), but as young as ten or eleven, I looked forward to the locker room portion of the trip moreso than the swimming itself. With all those hot dads, and guys older than me...I got really good at pretending I was in the lockerroom for reasons other than gawking, and searing the imagery into my brain for future reference.

Periods of sluttiness.

Then periods of panic and waiting for the HIV test to come back.

Then periods of sluttiness.

Wash.

Rinse.

Repeat.

[quote]While bottoming, thinking that maybe anal sex is not for you and you should stick to blow jobs.

If numbers in the real world suggest anything it's that you're wrong...except of course on Data Lounge.

Makeshift dildos as a gayling from household objects / produce section / etc.

Women are forced to be a hell of a lot more cautious about sex for obvious reasons.

[quote]I got really good at pretending I was in the lockerroom for reasons other than gawking, and searing the imagery into my brain for future reference.

Are you a painter, or a sculptor, r172?

Feeling like they're different from other gay men, that other gay men's experiences don't define who they are.

"What experiences do you think all gay men have gone through?"

Juggling multiple dates in one evening.

That can be true of anything R178 - obviously all women don’t have the same experiences and neither do straight men. This was just an exercise to see what common experiences we THINK that we do have. Whether or not it’s actually true for every single gay man…. Of course not. But we hear all the time about what shared experiences the straights have all gone through - it’s interesting to see what gay men might share.

The gay men who read this and claim to identify with *nothing* in these 179 replies? I call bullshit on that. You never felt weird in a locker room as a gayling? You never meant to spit and swallowed instead? You never had a crush on another guy? Come on.

Worrying that an AOL hookup at his place would result in my being gutted open and eaten like one of Dahmer's boys.

Then deciding that the chance to blow my load with another guy inside my ass was worth the risk of being gruesomely murdered.

The #1 thing is constantly falling for straight guys

Constantly

You think when you’re in high school that it’ll be different when you’re older but nope

Again, straight people really have no idea of the bullishit level that gay and bisexual men have to put up with, that’s part of the reason why they’re so fucked up mentally

I actually tell straight friends of mine that I don’t think you would be strong enough to handle being a gay man in our society, stuff that you guys take for granted, we can’t do

[quote]You never meant to spit and swallowed instead?

Do you even realize that there are gay men who don't suck dick, let alone swallow? This is why everything you wrote at R180, like much of this thread, is such BS. You can't even fathom that gay men exist who aren't exactly like you.

This thread is a fucking joke.

[quote]I actually tell straight friends of mine that I don’t think you would be strong enough to handle being a gay man in our society, stuff that you guys take for granted, we can’t do

Do you say this to women? Or people who aren't white?

R184 no because that’s not my experience, I’m not a woman and I’m white, but I am gay, so why would I?

What an odd question?

But lesbians are women and for what it’s worth they have it a million times easier than gay:bisexual men, if you want to take it in that direction

"I'm a bigger victim than any of you!"

Getting cheated on.

Cheating.

[quote]Do you even realize that there are gay men who don't suck dick, let alone swallow?

Then they're not gay.

[quote]Thinking being gay can be cured somehow.

I never considered such a thing as wanted, moral, sensible or possible. And I mean when I was 15 and had started my conscious sexual life. And I'm not young. I had no one to counsel or guide me, and it wasn't something I asked people my age or the few older men I was having sex with. It didn't feel wrong or dirty or evil (Although I was, I admit, young at a time when men were less interested in "how old" a prospect was, unless they were creeps.

In high school, thinking my gayness might be a phase, I asked a girl out to lunch. I thought she was cool, because she had lived in Europe and spoke German. She accepted and we went to pizza and spent the entire time talking about the hot senior guys on the football team. We became best friends (still to this day). I guess she had my number early.

R178/R183 you can’t even identify with having a crush on another guy? That was one of the things I listed. Fine - you don’t suck cock… but you’ve never had the experience of a crush? I’m really not trying to be a bitch - I just think there would be something in this entire thread you relate to. Not everything obviously or even most of it - but not even one thing?

If so - why do you think that is? Genuine question - I’m curious what I’m missing here. Call me an ignorant asshole - but if you don’t mind, also explain why your your experience has been so different.

I grew up in the 60's and 70's. My parents were very strict Catholic. My father called gays queers. Once I realized I was gay (around 14 or 15) it really bothered me on how he addressed being gay. I knew if I was found out I would be kicked out of the house. I basically pulled away from any socializing with my fellow students at school once people started dating. I pulled away in the 11th grade. I am on facebook with many of the people I went to high school with but I really don't know any of them except a few. I have stayed under the radar my entire life. I own a business where I run an independent contractor. I have employees (4) and have been financially successful but alone. I am retiring this coming May 31, which will end 45 years in business. I am proud of what I built in business but I gave up a lot staying in the closet. I have lived a celibate life.... Bored already!!

R193 Maybe you can still have a little sexy fun in your life if you try.

Falling in love with your co-star.

R193 I'm sorry you felt you had to lead a celibate life. Wishing you the best retirement ever, and perhaps at least a part-time lover.

[quote]you can’t even identify with having a crush on another guy?

R192: OP's point was more specific, "Having a crush on a male cartoon/film character."

Looking back at the post I realized I overlooked the word "film" and as result said that I shared none of those experiences, but reading correctly and adding in "film" I do share that one point. Cartoons no, film yes.

Obviously to have a pattern of crushes or sexual attraction to people of the same sex is an/the essential element of homosexuality.

The only thing on your list that's universal is some version of it being something you can "cure" (or control). - Is it just a phase? Can it be prayed away? Can you "choose" to be straight? Can you just suppress it forever?

I'd add that every gayling also goes through the following:

1.) You NOTICE MEN! You see them on tv, in movies, in person and you can't stop staring at males. You know you look at them a little too long and it's hard to stop. You're worried someone will catch you checking men out.

2.) UNFORTUNATE ERECTIONS! You're popping boners while just hanging out with guys? You want to suppress the erections. What if someone notices? Why can't you control this? The body wants what it wants. DAMMIT!

"Masculine gays and bis don't go through any of these, except the crush thing."

Ridiculous assertion. Even if this is true in your case, which is questionable at best, you're simply projecting that onto others.

" I don't know any gay or bi from my circle who had suffered any type of homophobia,"

Because your masculinity creates a bubble that excludes all the homophobia in the world? Seems like magical thinking. Maybe you've never been called a faggot-- something I also doubt-- but I'm sure you've heard someone else called that. Or maybe you've even used that term yourself towards another.

Yet you claim that those in your bubble of masculinity have never "suffered" homophobia is rather oddly worded.

"that's why DL hates us, actually."

Well, aren't you special. Seriously "DL" hates quite a lot of things. Personally, I think most of the hatred you feel is self-generated.

Even if you're a troll, I kind of feel sorry for you.

And in case this hasn't been mentioned in this thread: all gay men regret not having come to the aid of another gay person when they had the chance.

Every gay has called someone a faggot or made fun of someone gay or laughed along while someone else made fun of someone gay. Maybe that fag was "too fem" or "too fat" or "too old" or of the "wrong ethnicity?"

Everyone is damaged and hurt people hurt. Hopefully most grow out of the self-loathing society projected on gays by mainstream society.

Every man has called another man a fag, a homo or a pussy, usually joking but still , and the guy they’re saying it too is usually straight

Last week at work two straight guys who are best friends were joking and one was getting on the others nerves and he shot back “stop being a homo and let’s get this work done “

"What experiences do you think all gay men have gone through?"

The clap.

R9: I agree with this. I distinctly remember some ‘70s era pajama ad from my mom’s old magazine stack. I fixated on the brunette guy’s bare chest and feet & ignored the blond. I kept looking at that picture. I think I was around 5.

[quote]R178]/[R183] you can’t even identify with having a crush on another guy?

Where did I say that?

[quote]you don’t suck cock

Where did I say that?

[quote]I just think there would be something in this entire thread you relate to. Not everything obviously or even most of it - but not even one thing?

Where did I say that?

[quote]Genuine question - I’m curious what I’m missing here. Call me an ignorant asshole - but if you don’t mind, also explain why your your experience has been so different.

Why are you so hysterical? Why is the idea that gay men exist who aren't exactly like you so threatening? Your reaction is quite bizarre.

[quote]The only thing on your list that's universal is some version of it being something you can "cure" (or control). - Is it just a phase? Can it be prayed away? Can you "choose" to be straight? Can you just suppress it forever?

R198 Nope. Didnt have that. Just accepted it was there, kept quiet about it for 3-4 years until 18 or so

[quote]And in case this hasn't been mentioned in this thread: all gay men regret not having come to the aid of another gay person when they had the chance.

R199 This so much! Good catch, I have a few regrets from when I was a teen

[quote]The clap

R202 yeah and this too from my less cautious youth. Got a mouth ulcer from sucking cock in my early 20's, told the doc I'd tried treating it with a slug of Jack Daniels neat, needless to say that didnt work good

"What experiences do you think all gay men have gone through?"

Bukkake.

Getting crabs.

R206 Not enough Bukkake!

I wants more Bukkake

Falling in love with a straight man.

Thinking you may be bi because you like a current female pop star (and being comforted by this fact).

The slight disappointment you feel when you walk into your first provincial gay bar and realize the available men aren't quite what you dreamed of, and the major disappointment when you walk into your first big city gay bar and find the men are the same quality but more of them.

Convincing yourself that you're only going to have sex with men you're in love with, unlike those slutty gays.

Having sex with a man you're in love with and who's convinced you that he loves you, mentally planning the wedding, the house, the cat and the adoption only to be told weeks later that you're really just a fuck buddy.

Running into a former one night stand in a club only for him to ask what your name is and where he knows you from.

Chatting up a hot guy in a club only to realise he's a former one night stand whose name you can't remember.

Getting bullied

Bashed

Passed over for advancement at a job