What's the deal with people who describe themselves as "empaths"?

I will have you ejected into space!

In my experience, they are emotional vampires who make other people’s difficulties about them and resent people who have good personal boundaries.

That acquaintance of yours who comes to your mother’s funeral and is disruptively upset even though she never met your mother? She’s just an empath!

I feel like I am an empath, which is absorbing other peoples emotions and energy. It's also like a sixth sense in terms of quickly understanding what makes someone tick.

I think being in empath is more close to being an introvert than narcissism. I can only handle so much of other peoples energy before I need time alone.

Self important covert narcissists who need validation. Love to judge and shame others despite saying they are accepting and tolerant. I usually avoid them and people who take astrology and the MBTI seriously (as opposed to mindless fun).

R3 nailed it for me. I can feel emotions more deeply, by own and others, and cry reading greeting cards at the store.

That's called a "Mary!"

I don't think there should be a term for being more emotionally expressive. It's just a personality trait. Unless you're a sociopath, everyone feels emotions. Some may feel strongly on different subjects or events. Some people have neurotic disorders were they overthink and become agitated easily. But that's less to do with empathy and more the centers of the brain that control negative thoughts.

R5 More deeply than who? How the hell do you know? You being a MARY! doesn’t mean you are a “empath”.

I comically referred to myself as an empath once to get a reaction out of my co-workers. It had the desired effect of eyerolls and derision.

A family friend of mine describes herself this way. She is a very well-meaning person. She’s spent a lot of time in life taking (sort of hippy-dippy) courses in spirituality, emotional openness, etc. and it’s all very important to her. But I find it really uncomfortable to be around her because she asks very personal questions, like, “Does your current life make you feel fulfilled, like you’re serving your purpose on this Earth?” I don’t want to discuss my intimate feelings about things like that over hummus at a cocktail party with this woman I don’t know too well. It’s just not her business. But by asking something so pointed and personal, she puts me in the position of either spilling my guts or telling a white lie and feeling like a phony, which I dislike too.

R8 Yep. Maybe other people just have better emotional BOUNDARIES and don't take on the emotions of other people in an unhealthy manner.

R10 Then just say that. Watch her squirm.

R12 She would just calmly say, “why do you think my asking you to reflect on that brought out hostility and denial in you?”

I can’t with empaths.

r11 it's possible those two have mental health conditions, such as anxiety and fantasy is their coping mechanism. Which isn't that bad. Yes, it dips into narcissism pool but it may stablize them enough to not be a burden on the system... hence, the namby pamby is popular in pop psychology. Unfortunately, it infects psychiatry from time to time, especially in the era of intersectional politics.

r13 meh, gaslighting and cold reading. Frankly, you can study up on it. mix in a little philosophy as those types rarely delve that deeply into it.They skim the surface for things that support their reactions, so they never have to grow as people. And you can turn it on your high priestess. We call it the art of trolling.

This is like people who joyfully proclaim they are "so OCD" about something to indicate that they're unreasonably controlling. That's not how it works! r11 is a bitch, but also has a point. Anyone with real empathic tendencies learns how to put boundaries on it because otherwise you're drowning in a sea of other people's emotions.

I really don't get how can anyone assume they feel more deeply than others. People just react differently to things and also have different values and personalities. Communication styles differ by individual, culture and sex.

Often being an "empath" actually comes from growing up in an abusive household vs. some cosmic thing like being a Pisces. Children who grow up in abusive households have to know how to quickly read a room for any signs of danger and then try to forecast the actions of their abusers into the future based on their current mood to try to avoid triggering them. This can especially be true of children of alcoholic parents. This ability gets heightened over time and is very sharp by the time of late teens/early adulthood. It's also a tool that allows for manipulation of others and situations.

American culture is so narcissistic in general. People are raised to think they are always right and that's why our politics is so divided and social media is a hotbed of arguments and canceling others. It's remnants of the Puritanical culture and the belief of rugged individualism. Our society takes it further and everyone is so isolated and atomized. All this New Age, self-help terminology (which appropriates and dumbs down complex Native American, East Asian and South Asian cultures) is just to make people feel better about themselves but not fix whatever personality flaws or poor coping skills they have.

Of all the terms, I do think narcissist is especially overused, primarily by disgruntled women. Maybe he's not a narcissist and you are just a dumb, annoying bitch.

R17 nails it.

I can see "empath" is another glorification of mental illness. Suffering anxiety, depression and panic disorder is not fun and can be debilitating. Being "shy" is not something to be proud of either as it stops you from achieving things. People who suffer from disorders or intense trauma have to go to therapy and even go to medication to live healthy, normal lives. The worst case of "empaths" would actually be narcissists and borderlines who actually do have an ability to read others and react accordingly but use it in a manipulative manner.

I was going to say what r17 just said. I consider myself an empath, but don't feel the need to talk about it (much). I grew up with an abusive father and was bullied by other kids since kindergarten. I learned how to read people and their triggers to protect myself.

Positives are that I have a wonderful network of friends because I am considered a very thoughtful person. I am an excellent trainer because I anticipate problems and questions and prevent them or explain them clearly. I have excelled in the hospitality industry because I provide excellent customer service. I can plan the shit out of your wedding because I will anticipate every issue and plan for it.

Negatives in my professional life have been that I am not cutthroat enough. I value people and their happiness over making money for someone who already has sufficient. I also can be frustrated by people whom I cannot please because of their own issues. Sometimes I will puzzle for hours over someone whose decisions I don't understand, trying to make sense of it.

I don't think a lot of the people that you are describing above are true empaths. I view a narcissist as someone incapable of putting themselves in someone else's shoes. My BIL kindly gets my mom a new phone and he gets her the best phone, which he loves, but she can't operate. He knows in his mind that he did the right thing because he got her the best phone. Obviously it's the best phone because he uses it and loves it. He's not around to help her try and understand how to operate it. He's already moved on to something else. To me, that is a narcissist, even a well-intentioned one.

“Does your current life make you feel fulfilled, like you’re serving your purpose on this Earth?” How many of us have met a stranger at a party or dinner or any social event who starts the conversation off with that sentence? Oy, I would be tempted to tell them not in this lifetime, but I was a serial killer in Victorian London. Hello, my name is Jacques.

I never talk about this shit, but I take on the vibes of people very deeply. Like instantly. And that's all I even want to say. I suspect that Empaths are real. But who fucking knows anymore.

People who advertise it are really saying "I'm special and you're not".

R25, Exactly. So I keep my mouth shut. And thanks to Covid. I don't have to take this shit on any more in an office. (That was the hardest part)

And in personal situations, it actually makes me a very good friend.

Real empaths know that most people find talking about it off-putting and therefore they don't talk about it unless asked.

R22- I felt like I was reading something that I wrote myself.

Wow.

Peace my friend!! XOXOXO

r17, you absolutely nailed it. People in real life say that I am an empath, but I am just an adult managing CPTD. I pick up immediately what everyone in the room is feeling and what makes them tick. Not because I am some super caring person who cares about them but because people are dangerous and I care about myself. It's also one reason why I am so antisocial, it's exhausting.

"Narcissist" has become the catch-all criticism of anyone displaying any personality trait at all. Call me a narcissist-- I am sure some moron here will-- but I fucking hate it.

Totally self absorbed and delusional!! So far from compassionate. Real empaths don’t announce it to world

R29, you’re full of shit , you are not empath, but you do manipulate and create discomfort and pain

I am the ONLY true empath.

R29, no, you are dangerous in the Green Mountain state .

You didn’t hear so many people describe themselves as ‘empaths’ before my show.

Someone at my work described herself as an empath the first time we met, she moans and whines about her life all the damn time and mocks anyone who has problems in their own lives.

So compassionate lol

100% what R17 said

No one even understands what you are trying to say, r31, or who you're speaking to. This is an anonymous message board and saying something here is not announcing it to the world. Not everything is black and white.

That is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me here, r28. Thank you, and I wish you the best as well.

Maybe it's just a nicer way of saying "co-dependent."

I don't think "Co-dependent" is in the DSM, but it's a term that has stood the test of time, IMO. Being attracted to someone with a major problem like drug dependency.

But a lot of people who serially choose addicts explain it away as: I just can't stand to see ___ suffer.

Ugh, R23. I know someone like that. They think they're being so compassionate with questions like that, but it's uncomfortable to put someone on the spot like that. That's not empathy. That's making it all about them and stroking their ego.

R41, it’s borderline personality disorder!! They love to find a fault!

I used to work with an absolutely psycho cunt who billed herself as an extreme empath. She just felt so much. Code for being a nosy, interfering gossip who manipulated to get her own way.

Was absolutely insufferable - COVID saved me from her as I got a new job during lockdown.

True empaths keep it to themselves.

R44 Good point. A lot of narcissists and Borderline people do have high empathy (often because they were abused or neglected and became hypervigilent) but they are extremely manipulative and selfish and use their ability to recognize feelings and weaknesses as a way to control others. They label themselves as "empaths" just as a way to feed their superiority. Oprah, Tyra Banks, Dr. Oz and Gwyneth Paltrow all come to mind here. There are highly empathetic people who are altruistic but they are more focused on doing good deeds and activism and not blasting about their acts on social media or begging for a magazine story