Fill in the blank

...the 50 best gay porn scenes of the past 25 years, complete with graphic descriptions of the action in each scene.

Any topic, really. But likely criticizing their methods.

Though in a similar situation, it was convincing them that the school, friends, colleagues, family, places I'd volunteer, a host of people would come looking for me and rather than disposing of me, it would be better to take me an emergency psychiatric hospital in another town because they would likely ignore the injuries and just look at the state I was in as having a breakdown. Which while hoping for an alternative, they still did. . . for two weeks, anyway.

German Shepherds

Julia Child

Marginal Propensity to Consume, as the key determinant of the Keynesian multiplier.

Prince Andrew and whether he has retained the use of HRH while in private.

The time HE bought cilantro instead of parsley.

threads i read about on DL

My “Barbie” collection.

Salma Hayek.

Birds

"Golden Girls"!

Joan Crawford and Mommie Dearest

My cat. Showing pictures of my cat. Comparing him to their cat. Telling them their cat is ugly. Telling their cat that it’s ugly.

Abe Vigoda

I can wax obsessive on so many topics, it’s hard to choose. Dogs, The Beatles, why the light switches are dirty and how best to clean them…

" Hamilton" the musical should have been about Margaret Hamilton. I'd even constantly singing the songs I'd created in my head bong before the kidnapping.

Why this isn't turning into a scene from a porno and what a rip off this kidnapping is.

How the pH of drinking water is the key to health and vitality and that a K***** water filter is an incredible investment in their health, and the filter would pay for itself in only a few months, and if their kidnapping friends were interested in buying filters, you could get them a BIG discount….

Bewitched and York vs. Sargent

how when I was kidnapping gay guys, we did it so much better.

How terrible mother was...

Follies!

How hot they are.

(What? If I’m being kidnapped at least lemme try to get a little sumpin sumpin!)

I never worry about things like that, OP.

Fat people are hard to kidnap.

Number theory

the lack of civility today

Bea Arthur

Their poor speaking and grammar skills

Captain & Tennille.

R29, that would surely get you killed.

R23 wins. The answer is always FOLLIES.

Myself, of course.

A lengthy discussion of the career of Vivian Vance and the mistreatment of her by her costars.

Pasta

Any man who kidnaps me may want to return me, after he hears that I have kidnap fantasies. So, I would constantly criticize his techniques and methods....

"You cannot bind my wrists in front of me, it's too easy for me to get loose."

"Are you kidding...a cleave gag? To gag a man properly involves some form of stuffing in the mouth, then a cleave gag, then a OTM gag, followed by duct tape!"

"One strip of tape? Are you for real? You need to take that roll and wrap it around my head several times?"

"Now that you've got me tied up and gagged properly, you will have to keep me on edge for the duration."

And if he gets the ransom paid, he'll have to deal with the fact that I don't want to be released!

Speaking about the wrong performers chosen to portray iconic roles, like Lucille Ball for Mame, Audrey Hepburn for Eliza Doolittle, Madonna for Evita Peron, and so on.

Auntie Mame 24/7

And trust me, it would be ghastly.

The original Broadway cast of "Follies!"

How great New York City was until Bloomberg was elected mayor and killed everything that made the city special.

my love for both Barbra and Liza.

The dangers of getting up in the middle of the night to pee and all the horrid things that have happened to me.. My deep admiration and undying love for Miss Debbie Reynolds!!! Just LOVE her! I know we all agree she's the greatest all around entertainer the world has ever know. I know all her signature songs and the accompanying dance steps and can perform them as not wanted.

They will pay me to get away..

Amway

Throwing shade about the décor of the place where you're being held, and using descriptive RuPaul gay lingo while doing so.

Peloton.

"My husband DIED!"

The best way to make lasagne (among other Italian foods).

"OK, how about THIS outfit? Does THIS one make me look 10 years younger? Be honest!"

Financials scandals from 1985& to present day!! Why Ron& Nancy Reagan started the assault on the middle class in America& why it matters today in 2022? Why you should have a will& where you should invest the monies u are stealing from me. Why Hawaiian shirts only should be worn on vavcation?

I wouldn’t have to say a word.

The Golden Girls, and to a lesser extent TV shows from the mid-1960s to 1980s.

R38 Talk about EVERYTJING in Gloria Upson speak.

Robby Benson

I am not much of a talker but I can whine like a champ about almost anything.

Whatever it is you talk about, use your gay voice to express it.

I LOVE this thread - thanks OP. So rare to have a purely funny, lighthearted - delightfully gay - thread.

For me, it would be about the need to save the money they get for my ransom to ensure it lasts them well into their 80s. How the stock market is a gambling den and real estate is the best investment they can make with the money.

......the superiority of East and West Coast living and how it makes those living there superior in every way to the inconsequential little people who must live in the 'flyover' states in between.

I'd be home in time for cocktails.

Craft beer

I just dumped r42 on the side of the road.

And I’m not even a kidnapper.

Politics

My pets

Bump

^^Oh, who the hell would talk about bumps?

That’s not gonna get you too far.

how fucked they are going to be if anything happened to me.

The JFK assassination.

anime, manga, manhwa, donghua...

... my love/hate obsession with Jakob Dylan.