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How do you forget the minor annoyances at the end of the day?

I mean all the dumb shit that people do to you, or you witness while you're working or out and about.

This morning I was in store and a woman was ahead of me. Then a guy walks up, cuts in front of me and talks to the woman who is his wife. Then he turns around and says, "Hey, you wanna move back bud. We're suppose to be social distancing." I wasn't anywhere near him or his wife and like a fool I took a step back. He turns his back on me and says "Thank you" and I loudly reply, "Oh you're VERY welcome!"

This happened hours ago and I'm still pissed off at myself for not telling him to go fuck himself.

The thing is, this asshole opening his mouth and talking to me was more unhealthy than where I was standing in proximity to him and his wife.

How do I just let go of all this petty shit?

by Anonymousreply 62January 13, 2022 6:25 PM

Copious amounts of pot, silly!

by Anonymousreply 1January 12, 2022 5:45 PM

Shut it out of your mind. Leave the crap on the curb where it belongs. Go home, live your life and be happy. Stop worrying about or obsessing over things you can't control.

by Anonymousreply 2January 12, 2022 5:46 PM

Op is autistic

by Anonymousreply 3January 12, 2022 5:48 PM

I am reading about the philosophy of the Stoics and stoicism.

It deals exactly with this kind of stuff. You need to discern between things under your control and outside of your control. The guy's request (which frankly doesn't seem that unreasonable... good manners would have said you just yes, right, sorry) was outside your control. You can't control his actions, but your control your response.

The Stoics hold that it is usually our perception of things that are out undoing, not the events themselves. If you see this as a minor annoyance and dismiss it as something you can't control, you're on your way to focusing on the important stuff.

by Anonymousreply 4January 12, 2022 5:51 PM

OP I just remember that I do annoying shit too and it’s almost always unintentional. Like yesterday I was staring at my phone in the grocery store because my sister texted and I was in someone’s way and they had to say “EXCUSE ME” to get my attention. I was apologetic but that is something that would really annoy me if it was someone else looking at their phone.

So usually as I’m getting pissed off I remember that it’s something I might also do or have done and doesn’t have malicious intent behind it - we are all just human and act like assholes sometimes.

The example you gave was really obnoxious - I would just focus on actually feeling the feeling and that always makes emotion pass faster.

by Anonymousreply 5January 12, 2022 5:55 PM

I try to remember to ask myself this every time: Will I remember this on my death bed?

The answer usually resolves a lot of wasted emotion.

by Anonymousreply 6January 12, 2022 6:02 PM

r5 It can be helpful for some.

Most people don't have an outlet for aggression or frustrations . . so, you frequently see it building up in resentments and lashing out in other places at inappropriate times.

But lacking the space to let it all out. In the moment, some would do good by excusing themselves from the situation and finding a discrete place to have an orgasm and a drag.

End of the day? Whatever is their chill as the body and mind needs rest.

But they should try to schedule time for activities that allow them to let out their aggression and frustrations in healthy manners.

by Anonymousreply 7January 12, 2022 6:03 PM

R7, can I ask, when you post, do you see the gray lines through your post and the red tag [troll 5917]? Or is it kind of like The Others for you?

by Anonymousreply 8January 12, 2022 6:06 PM

r8 Usually I see them or it's outright missing. But after refreshing a couple times, it's usually goes to norm. It's likely a good thing. I should probably come with a warning label.

by Anonymousreply 9January 12, 2022 6:08 PM

You are recognizing that it is something you should let go of and that holding on to it is only hurting you. So I think you are doing a good job. Seriously.

by Anonymousreply 10January 12, 2022 6:12 PM

Thanks, Julianne. That's thoughtful.

by Anonymousreply 11January 12, 2022 6:13 PM

OP, believe it or not, you did the right thing. The guy who cut in front of you is a thug. He sounds like he wanted to punch you out. You did what you needed to do to remain unharmed. If you look at other species, it's what they do to survive. I know it sounds fucked up. But you emerged from a potentially dangerous situation unscathed.

by Anonymousreply 12January 12, 2022 6:24 PM

To add to what r12 said, this guy will likely mouth off to the wrong guy one day and get his ass handed to him.

by Anonymousreply 13January 12, 2022 6:32 PM

r13 And end up immortalized for one act of stupidity

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by Anonymousreply 14January 12, 2022 6:49 PM

OP Some people were raised without any manners but if you get angry about it then you're making it YOUR problem. That guy who was rude to you is likely rude to everyone (servers, neighbors, coworkers, family). Be glad you never have to talk to him again and move on with your life.

by Anonymousreply 15January 12, 2022 6:55 PM

This guy once banged on my car roof and ordered me to move my car because he couldn’t get into his car.

I calmly got out of my car to investigate. The problem was actually that he was parked too close to HIS side of the parking space line.

So I said, “well, I’m within the lines.” And he became enraged and sputtered “but you’re parked crooked!” Which was also untrue and would have been irrelevant even if true.

I moved my car to help him out, but really wish I’d told him, “just so you know I’m doing you a FAVOR, so you need to say thank you.”

This happened at my kid’s school. I thought he was just a trashbag parent, but later found out he works there. I’ve been pretty uneasy about that. Guy seems like a psycho.

by Anonymousreply 16January 12, 2022 7:04 PM

R16 here. Forgot to make a point. My point was this happened over 2 years ago and I’m still fuming. So clearly I’m in no position to tell op how to let things go.

by Anonymousreply 17January 12, 2022 7:08 PM

I see OP's point; yes, we need to socially distance, but the sounded like he was a dick about it. I was at a farmers market recently and there was an unformed group of people who were looking versus people in line. Some old guy, who I thought was just standing aside waiting for his wife, said loudly to me "well, you seem to be in a BIG hurry, so why don't you just go ahead of me?" I said I had no idea what he was doing and I was sorry if I stepped in front of him. The idea that I didn't understand this intentions seem to really enrage him & then he really got pissed. At that point, I just walked away. The vendor looked embarrassed and his wife was telling him to shut up. I was kind of shaken by the whole thing for awhile, like OP, but ultimately figured that old fuck probably gets in scrapes like this every five minutes & just to let it go. But I can see sometimes how if you piss off the wrong person, the situation can quickly escalate into violence.

by Anonymousreply 18January 12, 2022 7:36 PM

Spray them with an automatic rifle in your mind.

by Anonymousreply 19January 12, 2022 7:40 PM

The wisdom of Auntie Mame and St. Francis.

by Anonymousreply 20January 12, 2022 7:46 PM

Many people who are the problem see others as being wrong and it's bothersome at times. Like people who are double parked on a busy street and expect everyone to go around them. OP were you and the man masked?

by Anonymousreply 21January 12, 2022 7:52 PM

In R18's instance, it's clearly a 'it's not you, it's them' thing. I cut old people some slack because they probably have a lot of invisible things making them cranky other than me (dental pain, other pain, have to use the restroom and don't know where it is, general anxiety, going through every day with hell-in-a-handbasket' colored glasses on, thinking everyone is out to get them). I put old peoples' unwarranted transgressions in more of a pity category. That eliminates gnawing mental replays of how I should have told them off.

OP or R16's situation would bother me, too, however, just because these people are straight-up assholes.

But anyway, this is what they call "ruminating", isn't it? It's very draining and doesn't accomplish anything. As others have said, you can't control other peoples' behavior and you can't control what other people think. The sooner we can accept that, the better.

by Anonymousreply 22January 12, 2022 7:56 PM

Did he and his wife have masks on OP? If not, I would have called them both out on that with the quickness.

by Anonymousreply 23January 12, 2022 8:02 PM

All this petty bull shit is so unnecessary. I believe in moving past a minor annoyance if only to maintain my sanity. Life is short.

by Anonymousreply 24January 12, 2022 8:04 PM

Why didn't you automatically back up?

by Anonymousreply 25January 12, 2022 8:06 PM

He's just an everyday asshole. He's like those drivers who cut you off or swerve into your lane and then THEY flip YOU off, they're so self-absorbed and clueless that they aren't even perceiving reality correctly. There's nothing you can do about it, but I feel like ruminating on it is your brain's way of saying, "Hey, you unconsciously realize something about this is a problem that needs to be fixed, let's identify it."

Stay calm and think about it for a minute. What is it that bothers you? Maybe you need to come up with a quick go-to response for future instances where someone gets aggressive with you, and that will help you resolve the issue.

by Anonymousreply 26January 12, 2022 8:08 PM

I probably wouldn't have either, r25, especially if someone was behind me. There's no way OP could have known someone else was going to show up and crowd the space between him and the customer in front of him. It's not OP's job to predict the future, and it's not the entire checkout line's job to move back because some adult was mad that his wife didn't save his space for him.

by Anonymousreply 27January 12, 2022 8:09 PM

Let it go ! There are uncountable jerks in the world and when something like that happens i am glad that i am not one of those.

by Anonymousreply 28January 12, 2022 8:16 PM

The real problem is those of us who react in a civilized way when confronted by gutter trash feel like we’re being “pushovers.” And that’s frustrating.

My go-to when someone is acting stupid is look right at them and give a harsh, derisive laugh. These assholes just HATE being laughed at.

by Anonymousreply 29January 12, 2022 8:17 PM

R29, that's exactly the dilemma and it's hard not to react, but not reacting is strong. You know if you do nothing that person feels confusion and a kind of emptiness because they don't know what to do and they don't have anybody to do anything with. But the instinct is to crush them back. I battle trolls and mental cases and just plain shit people here all the time. I shouldn't. Quitting is hard in the moment. But an hour later I find pretending not to give a fuck gives way to the real thing.

by Anonymousreply 30January 12, 2022 8:20 PM

There’s a de escalation meditation on YouTube. Takes about five minutes to do.

by Anonymousreply 31January 12, 2022 8:29 PM

Guess I should have posted it…

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by Anonymousreply 32January 12, 2022 8:32 PM

Thanks, R32. Every time I have more than four cups of coffee, I think of something my mom said 30 years ago and I find myself having revised confrontations with her over and over in my mind. Then I go to the store all wound up, and when someone inadvertently cuts me in line, I project all my 43 years of anger for my mom at that person in that one moment.

Hope this helps!

by Anonymousreply 33January 12, 2022 8:42 PM

Lots of great comments here, thanks to everyone for posting here. Seriously, I get better advice on Datalounge than in the "real" world.

[quote]The real problem is those of us who react in a civilized way when confronted by gutter trash feel like we’re being “pushovers.” And that’s frustrating.

And I hate to admit it, but this was my main issue. I feel like I should have stood up for myself, but I didn't. I figured he was with his wife and the last thing I need in my life is a brawl with some couple. I also go into that store a lot and I don't want a reputation of being a customer who starts trouble.

I decided to just look back on this and laugh. I'm over six feet tall and over 200 lbs and this guy was about five foot nothing and 80 lbs soaking wet. Probably has a Napoleon complex and feels the need to confront bigger guys to make himself feel better. I've worked with guys like that and in the end I think it's best to ignore them.

by Anonymousreply 34January 12, 2022 8:46 PM

He has the life he deserves. That’s why he’s so angry.

I am a pretty curmudgeonly person generally, but it’s really easy for me to be pleasant in public. It just makes everything easier. So these people who try to start trouble in public… I don’t get it. If I can be pleasant, anyone can.

So, I assume they have a terrible life.

And that makes me happy.

by Anonymousreply 35January 12, 2022 9:02 PM

Seek a licensed mental health therapist, op.

by Anonymousreply 36January 12, 2022 9:16 PM

Let Aibileen help you through.

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by Anonymousreply 37January 12, 2022 9:33 PM

OP, last year I went to a bookstore to pick up a book I had ordered. As they were only letting 5 people in the store at a time, I had to wait online outside. The store had put markers on the sidewalk to keep up 6' apart. The woman ahead of me on line pulled the same "Hey you wanna move back" crap on me. I held my tongue. I figured she was a bitch to a lot more people than me, a random stranger. She wasn't worth my energy.

Don't let these people live rent free in your head. They are not worth it.

by Anonymousreply 38January 12, 2022 9:35 PM

I like to rub one out at the end of every hour

by Anonymousreply 39January 12, 2022 9:42 PM

Just adding this as it happened to me today and I consider it a minor annoyance in my day and it is fading away as the minutes go by.

I had to go to the Park Slope section of Brooklyn to drop something off. As I was walking down Seventh Avenue, I saw three guys who appeared to be in their 20s, with clipboards. As I got closer, I heard them ask people, "Do you want to sign to help stop police brutality? They asked the young man who walked directly ahead of me, said nothing when I walked by, and then I heard them ask the person walking behind me the question. I turned around and saw it was another young person.

I wanted to ask them why they didn't ask me the question. I assumed it's because I am 66 and I only look 29 on DL. I resisted asking them again on my return trip.

I decided not to bother because if they didn't ask me because they assumed that I wouldn't be interested based on how I look, they're idiots, and part of the problem. I chose to go the Roxane Gay route, and not waste my time to educate these people.

by Anonymousreply 40January 12, 2022 9:54 PM

I'm in agreement with R35.

Seeing assholery on exhibit, it's not difficult to pause for a split second and see what effort this involves and the worn down misery of the person for whom it's their go-to approach to so many things. A person who will try to make an argument or a scene over some miniscule thing is not a happy person content with their lot in life.

I, on the other hand, am a happy person, self-possessed and contented. My life is good, my health, my friends, I don't have to work anymore, there's money enough to live comfortably, my time is my own, I'm lucky to live where and how I want to life and I have no worries about anything serious.

When I see someone working hard at being a real dickhead, I assume theirs is some kind of shitty life, otherwise why would everything be a tense struggle, a competition just to cut one place in line or say to say an unkind remark to make themselves feel bigger?

Confidence and contentment with what you have puts these petty assertions of place in sharp perspective.

by Anonymousreply 41January 12, 2022 10:33 PM

My grandma always said to take consolation in knowing that 'when they're giving you hell, at least they're giving some other poor bastard a break.'

It makes more sense now that when I was 12.

by Anonymousreply 42January 12, 2022 10:42 PM

Um that’s very harsh r42. Your grandma must have been a bitch.

by Anonymousreply 43January 12, 2022 10:46 PM

She may be a bitch R43, but she's also right.

by Anonymousreply 44January 12, 2022 10:49 PM

Hell yes she was right!

by Anonymousreply 45January 12, 2022 10:56 PM

By curling up with a rich cup of coffee during your favorite time of day, NIGHT!

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by Anonymousreply 46January 12, 2022 11:00 PM

R40 lol I can’t stand those guys (even though they are just doing their dirty job). Be glad they didn’t ask you. As soon as I see those young with clipboards I get annoyed. “Do you want to stop animal abuse?” “Do you care about the children?” “Want to help the environment?”

by Anonymousreply 47January 12, 2022 11:01 PM


It's not cutting in line if the person in front of you is a spouse of the person "cutting."

Just a fact of life.

by Anonymousreply 48January 12, 2022 11:24 PM

R33 did you use it? How do you feel now?

by Anonymousreply 49January 13, 2022 1:12 AM

Let go and let God.

by Anonymousreply 50January 13, 2022 1:14 AM

Forget minor annoyances at the end of the day? I wish. OP, I remember minor annoyances like that forever and get mad thinking about them years later.

by Anonymousreply 51January 13, 2022 4:42 AM


You and half the people on this board. Sad, but true.

by Anonymousreply 52January 13, 2022 5:08 AM

Exhale deeply and let your neck and chest unclench. Feel where you’re storing tension in the diaphragm, let it relax. It feels better.

People always want the last word. Sometimes you have to just drop it. Remember Annie’s words:

{quote} “Hold your head up, movin’ on, keep your head up, movin’ on”

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by Anonymousreply 53January 13, 2022 5:45 AM

Miss, with all due respect I have my own problems.

by Anonymousreply 54January 13, 2022 5:49 AM

[quote] By curling up with a rich cup of coffee during your favorite time of day, NIGHT!

But is it decaffeinated? I'm active enough, thank you!

by Anonymousreply 55January 13, 2022 5:51 AM

[quote]Forget minor annoyances at the end of the day? I wish. OP, I remember minor annoyances like that forever and get mad thinking about them years later.

Sometimes the problem lies not with the minor annoyances...

Why take time from your day to be sucked into someone else's shit storm of unpleasantness? Is your life that bereft of positive things to fill your time that you dwell —for years?!— on other people's stupid things?

by Anonymousreply 56January 13, 2022 10:47 AM

The Stoics boiled it down for me today:

You've got just one thing to manage: your choices, your will, your mind.

You don't forget minor annoyances, you resolve them. You choose to see them as unimportant and out of your control. You will yourself to accept that. You move on in your mind to what is important and you can control.]

The hard part is, as pointed out upthread, that feeling of weakness when you're imposed upon by some person who isn't in control of himself. And straightaway you know what the effective, healthy choice, will and thinking is.

by Anonymousreply 57January 13, 2022 4:59 PM

I think we should practice giving these nut jobs a blank stare when they act the fool.

No need to come up with some witty or scathing reply. Just give them a blank stare. It drives them nuts.

by Anonymousreply 58January 13, 2022 5:02 PM

Yes R58 - that's what I do. I don't even look at them. Pretend they don't exist.

In really annoying (but still minor) situations - where someone stops suddenly on a crowded sidewalk to text or someone gets way too close to you in a line (not like what OP did, more like some spatially unaware fool is really right on your tail while aimlessly looking around), I will hiss "Jesus CHRIST" and them but nothing more.

by Anonymousreply 59January 13, 2022 5:09 PM

r59 proves yet again that a Datalounger's best friend is his hiss.

by Anonymousreply 60January 13, 2022 5:11 PM

R60 I hiss "Jesus CHRIST" so beautifully that pearls magically appear around my neck to clutch. Like clockwork.

by Anonymousreply 61January 13, 2022 5:13 PM

I am trying to focus on my triggers and not taking the next step (which is always something I later regret doing).

Everyone has a lot of stress, so I actively try not to self inflect additional stress by reacting. Still a work in progress but seems to help me.

by Anonymousreply 62January 13, 2022 6:25 PM
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