How do you forget the minor annoyances at the end of the day?

Copious amounts of pot, silly!

Shut it out of your mind. Leave the crap on the curb where it belongs. Go home, live your life and be happy. Stop worrying about or obsessing over things you can't control.

Op is autistic

I am reading about the philosophy of the Stoics and stoicism.

It deals exactly with this kind of stuff. You need to discern between things under your control and outside of your control. The guy's request (which frankly doesn't seem that unreasonable... good manners would have said you just yes, right, sorry) was outside your control. You can't control his actions, but your control your response.

The Stoics hold that it is usually our perception of things that are out undoing, not the events themselves. If you see this as a minor annoyance and dismiss it as something you can't control, you're on your way to focusing on the important stuff.

OP I just remember that I do annoying shit too and it’s almost always unintentional. Like yesterday I was staring at my phone in the grocery store because my sister texted and I was in someone’s way and they had to say “EXCUSE ME” to get my attention. I was apologetic but that is something that would really annoy me if it was someone else looking at their phone.

So usually as I’m getting pissed off I remember that it’s something I might also do or have done and doesn’t have malicious intent behind it - we are all just human and act like assholes sometimes.

The example you gave was really obnoxious - I would just focus on actually feeling the feeling and that always makes emotion pass faster.

I try to remember to ask myself this every time: Will I remember this on my death bed?

The answer usually resolves a lot of wasted emotion.

r5 It can be helpful for some.

Most people don't have an outlet for aggression or frustrations . . so, you frequently see it building up in resentments and lashing out in other places at inappropriate times.

But lacking the space to let it all out. In the moment, some would do good by excusing themselves from the situation and finding a discrete place to have an orgasm and a drag.

End of the day? Whatever is their chill as the body and mind needs rest.

But they should try to schedule time for activities that allow them to let out their aggression and frustrations in healthy manners.

R7, can I ask, when you post, do you see the gray lines through your post and the red tag [troll 5917]? Or is it kind of like The Others for you?

r8 Usually I see them or it's outright missing. But after refreshing a couple times, it's usually goes to norm. It's likely a good thing. I should probably come with a warning label.

You are recognizing that it is something you should let go of and that holding on to it is only hurting you. So I think you are doing a good job. Seriously.

Thanks, Julianne. That's thoughtful.

OP, believe it or not, you did the right thing. The guy who cut in front of you is a thug. He sounds like he wanted to punch you out. You did what you needed to do to remain unharmed. If you look at other species, it's what they do to survive. I know it sounds fucked up. But you emerged from a potentially dangerous situation unscathed.

To add to what r12 said, this guy will likely mouth off to the wrong guy one day and get his ass handed to him.

r13 And end up immortalized for one act of stupidity

OP Some people were raised without any manners but if you get angry about it then you're making it YOUR problem. That guy who was rude to you is likely rude to everyone (servers, neighbors, coworkers, family). Be glad you never have to talk to him again and move on with your life.

This guy once banged on my car roof and ordered me to move my car because he couldn’t get into his car.

I calmly got out of my car to investigate. The problem was actually that he was parked too close to HIS side of the parking space line.

So I said, “well, I’m within the lines.” And he became enraged and sputtered “but you’re parked crooked!” Which was also untrue and would have been irrelevant even if true.

I moved my car to help him out, but really wish I’d told him, “just so you know I’m doing you a FAVOR, so you need to say thank you.”

This happened at my kid’s school. I thought he was just a trashbag parent, but later found out he works there. I’ve been pretty uneasy about that. Guy seems like a psycho.

R16 here. Forgot to make a point. My point was this happened over 2 years ago and I’m still fuming. So clearly I’m in no position to tell op how to let things go.

I see OP's point; yes, we need to socially distance, but the sounded like he was a dick about it. I was at a farmers market recently and there was an unformed group of people who were looking versus people in line. Some old guy, who I thought was just standing aside waiting for his wife, said loudly to me "well, you seem to be in a BIG hurry, so why don't you just go ahead of me?" I said I had no idea what he was doing and I was sorry if I stepped in front of him. The idea that I didn't understand this intentions seem to really enrage him & then he really got pissed. At that point, I just walked away. The vendor looked embarrassed and his wife was telling him to shut up. I was kind of shaken by the whole thing for awhile, like OP, but ultimately figured that old fuck probably gets in scrapes like this every five minutes & just to let it go. But I can see sometimes how if you piss off the wrong person, the situation can quickly escalate into violence.

Spray them with an automatic rifle in your mind.

The wisdom of Auntie Mame and St. Francis.

Many people who are the problem see others as being wrong and it's bothersome at times. Like people who are double parked on a busy street and expect everyone to go around them. OP were you and the man masked?

In R18's instance, it's clearly a 'it's not you, it's them' thing. I cut old people some slack because they probably have a lot of invisible things making them cranky other than me (dental pain, other pain, have to use the restroom and don't know where it is, general anxiety, going through every day with hell-in-a-handbasket' colored glasses on, thinking everyone is out to get them). I put old peoples' unwarranted transgressions in more of a pity category. That eliminates gnawing mental replays of how I should have told them off.

OP or R16's situation would bother me, too, however, just because these people are straight-up assholes.

But anyway, this is what they call "ruminating", isn't it? It's very draining and doesn't accomplish anything. As others have said, you can't control other peoples' behavior and you can't control what other people think. The sooner we can accept that, the better.

Did he and his wife have masks on OP? If not, I would have called them both out on that with the quickness.

All this petty bull shit is so unnecessary. I believe in moving past a minor annoyance if only to maintain my sanity. Life is short.

Why didn't you automatically back up?

He's just an everyday asshole. He's like those drivers who cut you off or swerve into your lane and then THEY flip YOU off, they're so self-absorbed and clueless that they aren't even perceiving reality correctly. There's nothing you can do about it, but I feel like ruminating on it is your brain's way of saying, "Hey, you unconsciously realize something about this is a problem that needs to be fixed, let's identify it."

Stay calm and think about it for a minute. What is it that bothers you? Maybe you need to come up with a quick go-to response for future instances where someone gets aggressive with you, and that will help you resolve the issue.

I probably wouldn't have either, r25, especially if someone was behind me. There's no way OP could have known someone else was going to show up and crowd the space between him and the customer in front of him. It's not OP's job to predict the future, and it's not the entire checkout line's job to move back because some adult was mad that his wife didn't save his space for him.

Let it go ! There are uncountable jerks in the world and when something like that happens i am glad that i am not one of those.

The real problem is those of us who react in a civilized way when confronted by gutter trash feel like we’re being “pushovers.” And that’s frustrating.

My go-to when someone is acting stupid is look right at them and give a harsh, derisive laugh. These assholes just HATE being laughed at.

R29, that's exactly the dilemma and it's hard not to react, but not reacting is strong. You know if you do nothing that person feels confusion and a kind of emptiness because they don't know what to do and they don't have anybody to do anything with. But the instinct is to crush them back. I battle trolls and mental cases and just plain shit people here all the time. I shouldn't. Quitting is hard in the moment. But an hour later I find pretending not to give a fuck gives way to the real thing.

There’s a de escalation meditation on YouTube. Takes about five minutes to do.

Guess I should have posted it…

Thanks, R32. Every time I have more than four cups of coffee, I think of something my mom said 30 years ago and I find myself having revised confrontations with her over and over in my mind. Then I go to the store all wound up, and when someone inadvertently cuts me in line, I project all my 43 years of anger for my mom at that person in that one moment.

Hope this helps!

Lots of great comments here, thanks to everyone for posting here. Seriously, I get better advice on Datalounge than in the "real" world.

[quote]The real problem is those of us who react in a civilized way when confronted by gutter trash feel like we’re being “pushovers.” And that’s frustrating.

And I hate to admit it, but this was my main issue. I feel like I should have stood up for myself, but I didn't. I figured he was with his wife and the last thing I need in my life is a brawl with some couple. I also go into that store a lot and I don't want a reputation of being a customer who starts trouble.

I decided to just look back on this and laugh. I'm over six feet tall and over 200 lbs and this guy was about five foot nothing and 80 lbs soaking wet. Probably has a Napoleon complex and feels the need to confront bigger guys to make himself feel better. I've worked with guys like that and in the end I think it's best to ignore them.

He has the life he deserves. That’s why he’s so angry.

I am a pretty curmudgeonly person generally, but it’s really easy for me to be pleasant in public. It just makes everything easier. So these people who try to start trouble in public… I don’t get it. If I can be pleasant, anyone can.

So, I assume they have a terrible life.

And that makes me happy.

Seek a licensed mental health therapist, op.

Let Aibileen help you through.

OP, last year I went to a bookstore to pick up a book I had ordered. As they were only letting 5 people in the store at a time, I had to wait online outside. The store had put markers on the sidewalk to keep up 6' apart. The woman ahead of me on line pulled the same "Hey you wanna move back" crap on me. I held my tongue. I figured she was a bitch to a lot more people than me, a random stranger. She wasn't worth my energy.

Don't let these people live rent free in your head. They are not worth it.

I like to rub one out at the end of every hour

Just adding this as it happened to me today and I consider it a minor annoyance in my day and it is fading away as the minutes go by.

I had to go to the Park Slope section of Brooklyn to drop something off. As I was walking down Seventh Avenue, I saw three guys who appeared to be in their 20s, with clipboards. As I got closer, I heard them ask people, "Do you want to sign to help stop police brutality? They asked the young man who walked directly ahead of me, said nothing when I walked by, and then I heard them ask the person walking behind me the question. I turned around and saw it was another young person.

I wanted to ask them why they didn't ask me the question. I assumed it's because I am 66 and I only look 29 on DL. I resisted asking them again on my return trip.

I decided not to bother because if they didn't ask me because they assumed that I wouldn't be interested based on how I look, they're idiots, and part of the problem. I chose to go the Roxane Gay route, and not waste my time to educate these people.

I'm in agreement with R35.

Seeing assholery on exhibit, it's not difficult to pause for a split second and see what effort this involves and the worn down misery of the person for whom it's their go-to approach to so many things. A person who will try to make an argument or a scene over some miniscule thing is not a happy person content with their lot in life.

I, on the other hand, am a happy person, self-possessed and contented. My life is good, my health, my friends, I don't have to work anymore, there's money enough to live comfortably, my time is my own, I'm lucky to live where and how I want to life and I have no worries about anything serious.

When I see someone working hard at being a real dickhead, I assume theirs is some kind of shitty life, otherwise why would everything be a tense struggle, a competition just to cut one place in line or say to say an unkind remark to make themselves feel bigger?

Confidence and contentment with what you have puts these petty assertions of place in sharp perspective.

My grandma always said to take consolation in knowing that 'when they're giving you hell, at least they're giving some other poor bastard a break.'

It makes more sense now that when I was 12.

Um that’s very harsh r42. Your grandma must have been a bitch.

She may be a bitch R43, but she's also right.

Hell yes she was right!

By curling up with a rich cup of coffee during your favorite time of day, NIGHT!

R40 lol I can’t stand those guys (even though they are just doing their dirty job). Be glad they didn’t ask you. As soon as I see those young with clipboards I get annoyed. “Do you want to stop animal abuse?” “Do you care about the children?” “Want to help the environment?”

OP,

It's not cutting in line if the person in front of you is a spouse of the person "cutting."

Just a fact of life.

R33 did you use it? How do you feel now?

Let go and let God.

Forget minor annoyances at the end of the day? I wish. OP, I remember minor annoyances like that forever and get mad thinking about them years later.

R51

You and half the people on this board. Sad, but true.

Exhale deeply and let your neck and chest unclench. Feel where you’re storing tension in the diaphragm, let it relax. It feels better.

People always want the last word. Sometimes you have to just drop it. Remember Annie’s words:

{quote} “Hold your head up, movin’ on, keep your head up, movin’ on”

Miss, with all due respect I have my own problems.

[quote] By curling up with a rich cup of coffee during your favorite time of day, NIGHT!

But is it decaffeinated? I'm active enough, thank you!

[quote]Forget minor annoyances at the end of the day? I wish. OP, I remember minor annoyances like that forever and get mad thinking about them years later.

Sometimes the problem lies not with the minor annoyances...

Why take time from your day to be sucked into someone else's shit storm of unpleasantness? Is your life that bereft of positive things to fill your time that you dwell —for years?!— on other people's stupid things?

The Stoics boiled it down for me today:

You've got just one thing to manage: your choices, your will, your mind.

You don't forget minor annoyances, you resolve them. You choose to see them as unimportant and out of your control. You will yourself to accept that. You move on in your mind to what is important and you can control.]

The hard part is, as pointed out upthread, that feeling of weakness when you're imposed upon by some person who isn't in control of himself. And straightaway you know what the effective, healthy choice, will and thinking is.

I think we should practice giving these nut jobs a blank stare when they act the fool.

No need to come up with some witty or scathing reply. Just give them a blank stare. It drives them nuts.

Yes R58 - that's what I do. I don't even look at them. Pretend they don't exist.

In really annoying (but still minor) situations - where someone stops suddenly on a crowded sidewalk to text or someone gets way too close to you in a line (not like what OP did, more like some spatially unaware fool is really right on your tail while aimlessly looking around), I will hiss "Jesus CHRIST" and them but nothing more.

r59 proves yet again that a Datalounger's best friend is his hiss.

R60 I hiss "Jesus CHRIST" so beautifully that pearls magically appear around my neck to clutch. Like clockwork.

I am trying to focus on my triggers and not taking the next step (which is always something I later regret doing).

Everyone has a lot of stress, so I actively try not to self inflect additional stress by reacting. Still a work in progress but seems to help me.