How Happy/Horrible Was It Being Gay In The 90s?

The best part of the 90s was that you weren't there, OP.

It was better than today, because we didn't have to put up with BTQ+ CUNTS.

compared to the eighties there was MUCH more positive visibility for gays and a bit less stigma - the other side though was the threat of dying of AIDS, there were still dozens of deaths per week in gay papers

so like every decades, pluses and minuses

I did love going out and hooking up (safely)

There was less pressure to conform than there is today.

The 90s was my time, My 20s happened in the 90s and life was great. However, sex was scary and uncertain. Science had a better handle on HIV/AIDS, but it was tricky to navigate all of that stuff. Then, at the end of the 90s. I discovered DL.

Life has changed a lot in the last 25 years. It's really hard to compare, OP.

Some of the things that are possible now weren't even on the horizon then.

I can imagine the fear of sex. Safe sex was so a struggle I'm sure, then the effects of AIDS being felt with the majority of deaths from those infected in the 80s.

In 1995 it was great for me. I would walk into a gay bar and on certain nights I would literally be cruised left and right by GOOD LOOKING guys.

OP has NO CLUE how much better life was in the 90s compared to 2022

As opposed to now? With the trans, “queer”, non-binary, LGBTQ and all it’s variations? Homophobia was strong then and it’s just strong now, it’s just taken on a new form. There is no difference. I’d take neither.

Gay clubs were the absolute best in the late 90s/early 2000s for me. I had a blast every time I went.

Then why all the gay non-porn films from the 90s were so depressing? It surely presented to me a dark view of gay life back then

How were they depressing?

R10 It's obviously hard for you to comprehend, but life is more than an erection in your mouth and sphincter and how the world responds to it

In 1997 I started meeting guys and having sex. It was also the year I had access to the Internet. I used to spend hours every night cruising IRC gay chat rooms looking for dick...had many nights sneaking guys into my bedroom for fun nights of exploratory sex.

[quote]It's obviously hard for you to comprehend, but life is more than an erection in your mouth and sphincter and how the world responds to it

How is this your response to my post at R10? Is this a canned response or something?

R16 you should post less and think more

Gotcha, kween.

No one who was a young adult in the 90s wishes they were a young adult in 2022

R14 is the homophobia that exists today. I’m sure they’re “queer”—or something like that.

Remember too OP, that the DLers who will be answering you were all in their 20s, 30s and 40s back then and likely remember their youth much more fondly as they were young and desirable back then.

Rose colored glasses and all that.

OP sounds like yet another divisive DL asshole. How many times do others have to provide their term paper/thesis research for them?

R21- I was VERY desirable back in 1995 but I RARELY had sex. I was good at standing in a gay bar and having guys lean forward to try to catch my glance and stare at me but I rarely spoke to anyone nor had sex.

People are much more vocal about their hatred of gay people and anyone who's different today.

Politically correct language and behavior became standard, and it wasn't popular to hate others like it is in 2022

I came of age in the late Nineties and it was great. The internet had not yet take over, some guys were cruising AOL chat rooms and the like but the vast majority still went out to bars to cruise and have fun.

The music was great. The clubs were full. Safe sex was easy, ever bar and bookstore and bath house had condoms, and sometimes lube, free for the taking. There was still some solidarity with other groups in the LGBT and the groups typically worked together well to fight for recognition and acceptance.

I think the 90s were, in many ways, far better than the 2010s and 20s.

If you equate gay men with drag queens, non-binary and transgender, then 2022 is a better era for you

I agree with R25.

less scary and horrible than now with COVID. AIDS was not contracted through casual contact, and one still led a happy life going to clubs, restaurants, theater and hanging out with friends. Easy to avoid infection with protection. Much more was understood about HIV in the 90s than the 80s

New York won't be as fun as it was in the 90s in any of our lifetimes

Being gay in the 90s was great. There was still some stigma around it, sure, but that also gave something of a rebel feeling to it, and a tendency to create a family, as opposed to the one you were born into. There was a certain sense of freedom in defying societal norms and expectations. Living in the gay ghetto (which has been gentrified now) meant you came into contact with a lot of different types of people, fun shops, coffee houses, and different types of bars/clubs.

There was plenty of great club music in the 90s, and a wide mix of genres from remixes of top 40 pop, hard techno, trance, etc...

Bachelorette parties hadn't taken over gay bars, and straight boys mostly stayed away.

You did need to get tested, and use condoms, but I had a lot of fun in the 90s in my 20s.

This is a not so stealth troll attempt attacking Gen X. Bad club music??? Honey, kindly go fuck yourself.

Is this PMBT?

Primary malignant brain tumor?

Precision muscle balancing technology?

Awful. Very homophobic. For any of you who think it’s bad now, it was twice as bad back then.

[quote]watching a lot of their friends die from AIDS,

More died in the 1980s than in the 90s.

R35 your life must have sucked if you think things are better now

Eh, most of my friends died in the 1990s.

I wasn't of age until almost 1990. And most of the friends I had that have died did so because they were very working class/poor and didn't have the connections or the insurance necessary to keep them alive.

R38 and the rest of the world died in 2021 and is dying in 2022 so it's a wash

R38 did they have access to information regarding HIV infection or dd they just ignore it like anti-vaxers?

This question is just - not structured well.

Of course if you ask a hundred men in their 40s and 50s about their younger days vs today, there will be nostalgia about some piece of youth. The experiences, the dancing, the tricks one had - or the ones one didn't - or some other similar bits of experience.

We certainly didn't have quite the same level of daily political acrimony in 1992 as in 2022, but that is an "everyone" thing, not just gay people. We had almost no political representation (save Barney Frank) and few out role models. At that point, despite pride festivals and some marches and the like, gay men and lesbians were still primarily an "underground" thing in most places (I'm sure maybe not in NYC but in the rest of the country, yes).

I was fired twice for being gay (and punched by someone I worked with when I picked up my last check at one of those jobs). I was evicted for being gay. I was picked up by police for talking to a friend in front of a gay bar, taken to a place out of the way that was not the police station, and harassed for an hour while the cops called me a faggot, asked if I was selling drugs, and did all kinds of weird shit, including one farting in my face.

Many of us experienced a shiver of recognition when Matthew Shepard died (and yes I know the DL questions the events). Just the "there but for the grace of god go I" feeling.

Do I have nostalgia about the past? Sure. Some really lovely things happened. But I am very happy in the present. I am loved, I have a roof over my head and I am grateful for what I have. Is life perfect? No, but when was it ever?

R40 Despite your hissing, judgmental tone I'll answer.

Yes, our generation and community was aware. I know one of the friends who died did so because a condom broke. Harsh penalty if you ask me.

R42 because the condom broke that's why so many were infected?

R43–you’re being duped.

Many here make shit up, so keep that in mind.

I was 15 in 2000, but growing up in Manhattan, I got the sense that there was much more of a "gay community" back then there is now.

I've always felt, from reading DL, that gays are not all that different than various immigrant groups in many ways.

In the early days, they live in their own neighborhoods and have a vibrant culture, but then the next generation becomes more assimilated, doesn't feel the need to live in an ethnic enclave and their friends aren't exclusively people from that ethnic group. This angers the older members of the group who miss the days when the community was more of a community.

So Chelsea in the 1990s was our Lower East Side ;)

R41 aren't you grateful for having a roof over your head in the 90s?

R44 No I'm not. First it was the poster's friends didn't have access to medical care and then it was broken condoms. Lame, bullshit excuses.

It was so terrible, OP. We just all cowered in fear and indecision between the 4-5 large clubs we could chose to go to every night, when we weren’t being rapidly promoted at work, and kicked out of our affordable Manhattan apartments. We were all too stupid to put on condoms and have safer sex so at least half of us would just drop dead on the street every day. A dreadful, tragic time that you will never have to experience, fortunately.

R47 I didn't own those roofs, and often had to move (or as mentioned above, got evicted because someone was allowed to evict a gay person)

If you were born after 1990, YOU MISSED OUT!

R41, it is my understanding that in a majority of states you can still be evicted for being gay, unless you are a recipient of federal housing assistance. You can also be fired in a majority of states for being gay if you work at a business with less than 15 employees, which is a majority of employers in the nation.

in the 90s,

people got tested more and often for more than just hiv

women saw an actual gynecologist and often more than once a year

lgbt centers, organizations, etc hadn't been completely taken over by celebrities, politicians and angry college students

mixed pubs and clubs were a blast.

it was before the faeries and other alternative lgbt groups sunk into their meth years

though still people lost more friends to drugs and suicide than hiv.

people were more open to condom usage vs PrEp era.

the online world was far more sociable. . . even as bbses, irc and newsgroups (etc) usage was coming to an end. And there were many meets, trips, snail mail extended video exchanges.

the military obviously still had issues yet for many it was a glass closet. the same as working almost anywhere.

and working.. the early days of the tech boom you could have gotten away with murder as long as you had skills.

gay music wasn't as good as the 80s. while homocore provided more explicit options, much of it was geared to camp or performed by people that couldn't sing or play an instrument. lesbians discovered madonna, they really became obsessed with ray of light. so you couldn't even escape madge with them. and let's not even talk about television. the breeders had it worse but lgbt themed television outside of public access was as atrocious as it is now.

people were less sensitive, though yes, many of them were still tools.

piano bars were still popular. nearly every gayborhood had at least one.

the abbey hadn't been taken over by faghags.

the cities were still kind of sleazy but sprawling was starting to pick up as bad as it was in the late 60s/70s.

bdsm and leather scenes were a bit more sane... the floodgates hadn't opened yet. so, you'd find more dedicated social communities or head out to the various festivals to which there were many gatherings.

the lesbian avengers were still cool in this period.

camden hadn't become a total shit show. neither had berlin.

there were negatives, of course. like having problems with the wrong people in one local community and you were more likely to feel shunned by that entire community in those days. it's much easier to be invisible now.

No digital cameras. So much more debauchery then

I wonder about the trauma of being a young teenager in the 90s - the messaging around sex with terrifying because of AIDS. If you were a closeted high school gayling and living at home with your parents and straight “normal”siblings, the overwhelming feeling (at least for me) was that I was destined to live a life alone OR have sex and die of AIDS. There was so much fear - which definitely impacted me later. The straight kids dated and fucked and the worst that would happen was an unwanted pregnancy (not to minimize that but it wasn’t the same thing as AIDS).

Does anyone else relate?

I came out to parents and work colleagues in 1990.

Yes, information about HIV was very available then, and I did not do bareback until after my then BF had two negative tests over a 6 month period. Since I 'came out' to condoms, I did not know any other way. All on the dating/cruising market were using them, or you just did frottage, oral, etc. I learned about Gay IRC rooms in 1992, and about AOL chatrooms in 1994. AOL made it easy and quick, but I still preferred the bars --- at least I could see someone and talk to them before they knocked on your door. To me, bars were "safer". You'd also see friends and neighbors at the bars and I miss that social network.

Yes, shitty things happened. I'd get strangers yelling at me because of my rainbow sticker magnet on the car. Another time I was denied a hotel room at a Holiday Inn because of that rainbow magnet; the desk clerk told me that gays were banned from that hotel because the owner/manager would demand rooms be fumigated if a known gay person slept in that room.

Discrimination still happens, but it is much less overt now. Also those old farts with their old-fashioned ways are dying out and being replaced by their more open-minded children. I run a business in a rural county now, and I ask prospective employees if they have a problem with a gay boss. I could never imagine doing that 30 years ago.

Being gay in the 1990s was just fine. I miss the camraderie of the bars though.

r55 maybe if someone was off in the boonies, but many gay teens found their own in this period. they were allowed to get in trouble and fuck up. so many developed relationships over the internet especially when it was more difficult to send pics or video. there were far more gay & lesbian centers or alternatives for gay youth groups than now that provided a lot of support to meet other lgbt youth with less of activism and more of a social focus. many held their own proms (all ages, often) and more youth dances, activities. . . that youth enjoyed going to - mostly because the organizing was in their hands.

Well I think it was probably different for all. I didn't grow up in a city and didn't know any visible gay people that were not being harassed. Things changed and I was more open but there was open hostility I witnessed towards gay people in the 90s. I experienced it. Homophobia was definitely more accepted and everywhere. Things have changed in popular culture really in the last 15-20 years dependent on where you are of course. Your race. Economic status. Mental health issues and the homophobia you endured when growing up. I think and hope it's different for people growing up and that is often when the damage is done

It was boring compared to the 70s.

r58 ah, yes, the delusion that there were that much barriers between those in the 90s vs now... yes, there was still isms and phobias, but relations between different LGBT backgrounds weren't as hostile and needy as they are now. I don't recall anyone thinking someone else had a harder or more difficult time simply because of their sex or features. Or that you must have been white and rich had you a reasonably good life. There were clashes, of course, but not this whole center of the universe, holier than thou, nothing is ever enough. Oh, how I've suffered, nobody understands me. Somebody fix me a drink and hand me a nebutol, worn out Scarlett O'Hara... thang!

"Cruising"! Learning the art of holding a stranger's gaze! It was hard to learn, but you had to do it if you wanted sex. It was prolonged eye contact with a stranger on the street or in a public setting. Your heart would pound, your dick would swell. It was a very subtle dance of seduction, because if a guy was straight, it could be perceived as aggression, and not end well.

You gaylings don't know what you missed out on, with your hookup apps. I was so thrilling to lock eyes with a stranger and just know you were going to have them sexually, in some way, as soon as possible.

Do we not agree with capitalization R53?

Yeah R57, that’s a lovely idea and I hope it was true for a lot of gay teens in the 90s but gay proms and LGBT youth centers were not a huge thing where I grew up and definitely not something I would have felt comfortable attending given my family and school situation. Other kids were throwing the term “faggot” around constantly, even the nice girls thought it was funny. Chat rooms were a godsend but I had to be extremely careful about leaving any kind of trail on the shared computer I had with my siblings.

The 90s were great in a lot of ways, but rough too.

I suspect that would depend on when in the 90s, R55

I would not have wanted to be a teen in 1990 when sex=death and people still thought you could get AIDS by sitting on a toilet seat after a gay person.

By 1999 it was a different world.

And of course things changed faster in big cities than in the hinterlands. The internet was still new so regional differences were much more pronounced.

We had no smart phones and the internet was in its infancy so you had to go to gay bars to actually meet people.

But there was still lots of institutional homophobia in the 90s. Bill Clinton signed two awful anti LGBT acts into law-- the outrageously titled "Defense of Marriage Act" that defined marriage for federal law purposes as solely between a man and a woman--and the equally abhorrent Don't Ask Don't Tell act that pretty much told gays in the military to stay in the closet if they wanted to serve their country.

There was still a lot of homophobia even from "polite company" and outside of liberal coastal cities people even Democrats were against gay marriage and you had Republicans openly telling us AIDS was gods way of telling us he hated fags.

I don't miss a thing about the 90s. We've fought so hard to get where we are and I'm not going back. There was nothing rosy about being gay back then

R60 maybe because there weren't as many non white voices being listened to during that time. Yes there were gay voice shouting for gay rights but they were white gay voices. It definitely was an issue being addressed by black and other non white gays but I remember they were finally getting listened to in the 00s. The documentary on Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivers talks about how they tried to be involved in the gay groups but we kept out by the white privileged gays. Maybe it was still that way in the 90s.

[quote]We've fought so hard to get where we are and I'm not going back.

What exactly?

[quote] The documentary on Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivers talks about how they tried to be involved in the gay groups but we kept out by the white privileged gays.

Oh, FFS.

Not gay marriage because that was a supreme court ruling. Gay marriage in Massachusetts, now, that’s an entirely different thing. The state voted for that, and Massachusetts gays deserve the “we worked so hard” credit. Nobody else does.

So it's being established that the gay experience in metropolitan areas were far more favorable than the gay experience in small towns and the bible belt.

Dumbass R66 is OP. That’s all you need to know.

Not just Massachusetts deserves credit, but Gavin Newsom too love him or hate him. When he was mayor of SF he defied the law and ordered the city to provide marriage licenses to same sex couples . There were other acts of resistance too, like Hawaii too

I don't know what OP is talking about regarding bad club music - some of the best house music came from the 90's and it was a peak for gay nightlife. Then the internet came and gay nightlife became indistinguishable from straight people.

Sex was still a big fear for many many years.

And living in big cities were somewhat more affordable back then. The economy in the late 90's was FABULOUS.

Things have changed so much in so many ways - to me, it was the last decade of people needing to be in the closet. And yes, you needed to be in the closet for many professions - I don't care where you lived.

That tracks, r70.

And I would argue it’s still that way today. It’s got to be much harder to be gay in the backwoods of Kentucky than places like San Francisco and New York.

R46, that’s a very interesting theory.

(No snark, I’m serious.)

[quote]Not just Massachusetts deserves credit, but Gavin Newsom too love him or hate him. When he was mayor of SF he defied the law and ordered the city to provide marriage licenses to same sex couples . There were other acts of resistance too, like Hawaii too.

That supreme court ruling open the floodgates for crazy. The trans, the “queer”, the non-binary, the whatever else. Gay marriage should only be decided by states. I see the importance of leaving it up to the states now. It would go very, very slow, but at least it would be considerably worth it.

RE:58 Mmm I think that wealth actually does have an impact. To deny that seems well quite incredible really. I was trying to make the point that there are differences for the time period dependent on many things for gay people. It's not one thing. But let's turn this into an argument on self victimisation and woke culture shall we? I am confused what you are saying. In the 90s it was probably not easy for a lot of people really in terms of sexuality. But to say that increased visibility does not have an impact on how gay people are viewed seems silly. Are you saying things are not better now for gay people? Well that is dependent on where you live in the world. I tried to clumsily equate how it was different for me than someone in a city and I saw alot of homophobia. More than I see in general now? Your argument- you seem angry?- is well I don't know. Let's hear it shall we as you did t make sense? Bit why sooooo angry?

I can’t speak for him, but I’m “sooooo angry” (nice Twitter bait, BTW) because you don’t know how to refer to a prior poster.

But*

R37 You are a fucking retard if you think life was better in the 90’s than now.

If you want to go back to the days when gays had practically zero legal protection from discrimination, gay marriage did not exist anywhere in the world, and the only gay characters on TV were sexless flaming queens used for comedic relief, then you can go back to those days by yourself.

TESTIFY Miss R80!!!!!! ❤️

[quote]You are a fucking retard if you think life was better in the 90’s than now.

How progressive.

Oh honey that ain't the only thing you are angry about. But let's hear the argument shall we as you didn't make one. Just sort of insults? But do show me how to reply too. You are so helpful. As a 90s child and your sense of community

These threads always devolve into this:

The [whatever decade] were great!

The [whatever decade] sucked moose cock!

[quote]If you want to go back to the days when gays had practically zero legal protection from discrimination, gay marriage did not exist anywhere in the world, and the only gay characters on TV were sexless flaming queens used for comedic relief, then you can go back to those days by yourself.

Despite all of this, gay life was much better than. Count me in for going back with him.

But sucking moose cock IS great, R84

*then

R83,

A) Go fuck yourself.

B) Re-read my post where I said I’m not him.

C) I’m not here to tutor your dumb ass. Go back to Twitter for that shit.

Oh she's angry

The only gay people who want to go back to the shitty 90’s are the gays who peaked in their 20’s and never accomplished anything later on once their youth was over.

[quote]Oh she's angry

Who’s trans here?

R80 WWing himself, I see.

Why yes! I miss the decade of Matthew Shephard and Brandon Teena! LGBT people were treated much better back then!

[quote]Brandon Teena

You didn’t give two fucks about Brandon Teena then.

[quote]Dumb fucks

There was certainly less hate in the gay community, or whatever you are. “Queer” or whatever you are. I doubt you were around then.

R94 Girl, seek therapy. The 90’s have been over for 22 years. Stop living in the past and move on with your life.

Let's hear more from the aggrieved black queen

It think we need to be kinder to one another really. Walk in another's shoes?

Camden, r53? Camden, NJ?

I’m not putting on heels (again).

[quote]Girl, seek therapy.

I’m not trans.

[quote] Primary malignant brain tumor?

Those who do not know should not ask

This thread EXHAUSTS me.

[quote]Despite all of this, gay life was much better than.

What is “gay life”? Going to gay bars and clubs and watching drag shows? Honey, if that was the highlight of your life, that is sad.

[quote] I wonder about the trauma of being a young teenager in the 90s - the messaging around sex with terrifying because of AIDS.

Re: AIDS, it was scarier in the early '90s vs. the late '90s. The later part of the decade saw some major strives in gay visibility (Ellen came out, Will & Grace debuted) and the nation was shocked by the Matthew Shepard killing, which started getting the conversation started about hate crime legislation. As a teen of that decade, there were still lots of homophobic pricks though (making AIDS jokes and such). I don't know how teens are these days -- I assume less homophobic.

[quote]The later part of the decade saw some major strives in gay visibility (Ellen came out, Will & Grace debuted)

As I said before, sexless characters used for comedic relief.

Anyone interested in representation of gay/lesbian characters on TV should check out Matt Baume on YouTube.

He maps out the progression of gay characters over the years with more nuance and precision than any thread here would be capable of achieving.

Hi Matt at r107

I worked at a TV studio and this one guy on the creative side died of AIDS; I knew he and we were friendly. I went to his memorial at the hospice and no one else was there for him.

The service was for other guys too since so many people were dying still in the mid 90s.

[quote] some major strives in gay visibility

Oh, dear!

he = him

I follow the AIDS memorial page and most of the people featured there died in the 90s. Not saying a gargantuan number did not expire in the 80s but many were infected in the 80s but were able to live with it, trying new discoveries (AZT) that made them last until the 90s

The music was better.

Mid 90’s to 2000 was an AWESOME time to be gay! My favorite night was a friend getting blowjobs right on the dance floor tucked into a long fabric drape, guy after guy it was hysterical.

I saw RENT as a closeted teen gayling in 1997 (which would count as late 90s) and I was still terrified of AIDS. When I say closeted, I’m sure the family long suspected I was gay - so don’t you bitches start with that. It still seemed like a death sentence back then.

Side note: listening to RENT is painful as an adult. I thought it was the best thing I had ever seen back then as a kid. Now I can’t believe how idiotic they all sound screaming about not paying rent and vilifying some hot black guy who works in real estate. And I’m unclear why I ever gave a fuck about heroin addict Mimi who relapses and then the hot black guy villain pays for her to go to rehab. And the druggie addict lead who can barely play guitar. And his incel best friend “filmmaker.” And those lesbians screaming at each other. Ooooof.

Dude! Spoiler alert!

I’m still trying to get tickets through Ticketron.

^LOL!

An exciting decade that started with grunge and hiphop remaking pop music in 1991. And others have said the visibility improves over the decade. AIDS casts a shadow for me.. having dodged a bullet and gradually understanding so amazing people dying. I think 92 was peak deaths.

r99 Camden Town, uk. the place where dropouts and deadbeats that couldn't get into a community college would go to study acting and generally whore around. Toss in world travel and it was a bit more worthwhile looking than going to NYC to fail. I really should have just said Europe as a whole. . . from the tourist / expat perspective. Though I also knew a lot that moved to Australia during the neverending strikes.

R116 just watch the film version with Rosario Dawson and directed by the director of Home Alone.

Also that guy Spacey molestered

Cancel culture, online bullying, trolling by mean-spirited locked up Trumpers, daily videos of people beating the shit out of each other at the grocery store is the accepting 2022 utopia you are referring to

Are others the same age or younger really as clueless as the OP? Do they not know any basic history of gay life and rights in the 20th Century. Very discouraging.

Wigstock exemplifies the 90s. It was the best time of my 35 years in Manhattan.

Most of us are capable of nuance, R121. Perhaps if you look up its meaning.......

Then tell us r122 instead of sitting high up on your silo praying judgment. Inform us

R124 thinks nuance is an intellectual term

R126 is a festering cunt scab

R127 time to retire cunt, cunt

So I lived in Boston but would zip to NYC every single weekend for several years. I don’t ever remember worrying about money, rent or drugs. The scene was bouncy, meth was still primarily on the West coast, and all I needed was an Ecstacy or two and a vial of K to get me through the weekend. I remember after hours clubs, that everyone knew each other and we all ran in small tribes, and you had to read gay rags to find out where the latest clubs were. There were about two dozen really core places that you were pretty much guaranteed to have fun.

There were more family and privately owned specialty shops, like card and video stores, people ate out often, and there were gay owned restaurants that catered to gays- Tremont Ice Cream and Francescas’ Cafe in the South End of Boston, and Big Cup and Rainbow & Triangle in NYC to name a few. Amazon was still just a book site..

I came of age in the 90s… graduated high school and then college. It had its challenges, but overall having no social media, no smartphones, and just the early days of the internet was wonderful. You were forced to connect with people and actually talk in person if you wanted to connect with someone. And overall, looking back the ‘90s were a time of prosperity, a booming economy, and real freedom…before 9/11 changed everything and the wars and recessions and regressive pop culture of the 2000s.

R19 Speak for yourself. I went to a lot of funerals.

I lost a lot of friends and loved ones and figured AIDS was going to get me too. I didn't plan for the future, because I assumed I wasn't going to have one. I'm still a bit shocked that I'm still here. It was a difficult time to come out and to try and develop a sense of self-respect and overcome both internalized and externalized homophobia.

The gay bashings certainly didn't help. The scars on my torso from the knife are a daily reminder that some people didn't believe I even deserved to live.

I worked as a care-aid in hospice for my dying brothers, and that bolstered me. It made me feel like I was at least doing something to help. But the sense of dread and impending doom - and all the death - was really something I could have done without, and it's left it's mark on my soul.

I would MUCH rather be a young gay person today! I'm so happy to see how much easier it is for young queer folks in this decade.

Lesbians were way cooler in the ‘90s.

R131 that’s traumatic and very beautifully written. Xoxo

[quote]Lesbians were way cooler in the ‘90s.

Melissa Etheridge, kd lang, and Ellen were the extent of it.

What about me?

R135, well Jodie, you were locked in the closet and gave birth to a couple of kids while claiming you were a happy single mother.

It was fucking traumatic.

I turned twenty-seven in 1990 and thought I had seen most of what I was going to see as far as AIDS deaths in my circle and then BAM! Little did I know it had barely begun. I functioned but was numb for years and eventually, without even seroconverting, had a nervous breakdown in 1998.

The music was incredible especially club and house music. That actually helped a bit.

[quote]The music was better.

This x 1000. Until 1998 when Britney ruined everything.

Yeah, the AIDS deaths sucked balls, but at least we didn't have blue-haired "queers" with pronouns to virtue signal us to death!

Most of the major HIV breakthroughs happened in the 90s. Reverse transcriptase inhibitors were being studied and coming into mainstream use, which paved the way for the cocktails we have today.

Loved the 90s. First had sex in 91. Came out in 93 and had an amazing fling in NYC for a weekend. Met my husband 94. That was my favorite time to be gay.

R128 Save those tears for Germaine Greer, you twisted twat

[quote]The documentary on Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivers talks about how they tried to be involved in the gay groups but we kept out by the white privileged gays. Maybe it was still that way in the 90s.

Wow, this is the first I'm hearing of this and I was there!

Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivers (sic), were two almost always homeless street people who survived by begging, the kindness of strangers, prostitution and thievery. They did not live nor function like a regular person with a job and an apartment and although each in their own way made attempts to be a part of the cause, they were far more celebrated than effective.

How can people without a phone or address be a consistent part of any community activism taking longer than one day!

The myth of Marsha and the semi-told story of Ray "Sylvia" Rivera had not been mythologized yet by Gen Z. People knew them personally and were not tempted to credit either with any actual Stonewall activity because neither was even there when it went down!

I was a teenager living in the UK in the 1990s. 'Queer as Folk' came out in 1999 when I was 17. Its impact was huge, genuinely a moment in history and not just TV history. My school, like most others, had a hugely homophobic culture, no-one was out and section 28 was still in legal force. But when that programme came on everyone was watching it, though the boys were largely not admitting it while the girls were being more grown up and discussing it properly. It was the first show I'm aware of to show a positive portrayal of gay men as fully sexual beings - a genuinely historic moment. At the time, a columnist in the UK's best-selling tabloid, The Sun, called it a near-paedophile drama because it featured a 15 year old character having sex.

Since then there is a lot more representation of the diversity of gay experience in culture, and a lot more out public figures in all walks of life. Casual homophobia is much less acceptable than it was. So i think gay teenagers now surely have it better, though I don't have a very detailed picture of what the culture is like in schools now. I'd be genuinely curious to find out.

Back in the 90s, all the hypocritical politicians like Clinton (both of them), Obama, and Biden, loudly and proudly said they were against gay marriage. As soon as the winds changed, so did they.

R80 you make a good case as you sound so happy now!

[quote]Back in the 90s, all the hypocritical politicians like Clinton (both of them), Obama, and Biden, loudly and proudly said they were against gay marriage.

Obama was unheard of outside of Illinois until 2004.

I was in a relationship with a Canadian woman for much of the 90s, so I really couldn’t say.

r134 Linda Perry (trashing them all back then), Tribe8, Team Dresch, Third Sex, L7, Girls In The Nose, The Indigo Girls, so many other acts...

r134 And there were many 'zines of all varieties... local independent magazines. A flavor available for every kind of person. People would often 'bomb' libraries, bookstores, news bins with them.

1990s News Clips On Gay Rights

Vancouver Gay Games (1990)

1996 Gay Pride, London

Mrs. Coretta Scott King speaks at the 1996 Atlanta Pride Festival in Piedmont Park in Atlanta Georgia.

Miss Gay America 1996 Sunday, October 28, 1995 Robinson Auditorium, Little Rock, AR

You have to be fucking kidding me, OP. Being gay in the 90s was a fucking pleasure cruise compared to being gay in the 80s. Have you ever picked up a book? Moron.

Vancouver Gay Pride (1996)

Early 90s Manhattan terrified me. You’d still pass visibly sick men walking down the street in Chelsea. Wasting, or Kaposi’s sarcoma. The fear was real. Most guys wouldn’t even kiss on the lips when hooking up. It was awful. Kept me in the closet for many years.

1996 Educational Documentary showing examples of how teachers are teaching young children about LGBT people and their families in a manner appropriate for their age.

It was still as depressing as the 80s.

The 90s were great. OPs description sounds more like the 80s.

Rupaul performs "Supermodel" live from Spring Break '93

Gay Pride New York City 1990

New York Gay Parade 1993

1997 Gay Pride Parade June 29 Dignity New York (1:25:45)

LOLEATTA HOLLOWAY - 1997 NYC GAY PRIDE

Although AIiDS and HIV were still center stage, it was still a lot more fun before the Internet took over, Yes, we have made progress as a community, but I think in other areas, we’ve regressed. I’m not sure others would agree, but being gay today seems different culturally in a lot of ways.

R156 here. Sorry for calling the OP a moron. Just to clarify, my memories of being gay in the 80s were a) watching friends die, b) not learning until fairly late in the decade that condoms were the best chance of not dying if you had gay sex, and c) still being afraid of hooking up with anybody because everyone around me was dying. In the 90s, it was pretty much accepted that condoms, if used properly, could prevent contracting HIV. There was at least some hope. Hope was hard to come by (so to speak) in the 1980s if you were a gay male.

R158 lived in NY from 1988-2006 Went to The Limelight, The Roxy, Barracuda, The Empire Diner. . . all in Chelsea and what you claim differs from what I remember.

Show Me Love

The "drag ball for late fall"; a benefit party for Queer Nation Chicago in 1991 asks the question what is love?

Chicago Gay Pride Parade 1993 part 2

"The music was better. This x 1000. Until 1998 when Britney ruined everything."

In the 90s? Are you insane? Hootie and the Blowfish. Smash Mouth. Gin Blossoms. The Goo Goo Dolls. Spin Doctors. Blind Melon. Counting Crows. 4 Non Blondes. Chumbawumba. Deep Blue Something. Soul Asylum. Alice in Chains. The fucking Spice Girls. Do I have to go on? Sure there were some good songs and bands. But in general, music in the 1990s sucked Cheryl's smelly cunt.

The Boys of Folsom Street 🌈💙 1993 🌈❤️ Leather Pride Week

I will say I hate the song Finally by CeCe Peniston because when I came out I went out a lot, and that song was played ENDLESSLY.

And yes, I was a WHORE, darlin’…

The entire world was better in the late 90s.

I graduated high school in 1990 on the east coast...Being gay was great...The super clubs in NYC were so much fun and going to a gay Bar was where you could meet fellow gay men...Going to a gay Bar was more subversive and you never saw a female at one

IML the First 25 Years pt 3

Full coverage of the 1993 West Hollywood Gay Pride Parade, with Co-Grand Marshalls Carol Channing and Jerry Herman.

Part of what was different was we didn’t take ourselves so seriously. Camp in gay culture was fun. Now almost all that would be cancelled because someone was offended.

"Horrible club music"...are you fucking kidding? The 90s had some of the best club music.

R156, OP here. Thanks for the apology. I understand it is a touchy discussion for those who went through a lot of shit during the period of time before and during the 90s but I asked the question based on my perception of the period. I've surely been enlightened on a lot. In general, the 90s still seemed like a dark period to me for gay people, it was that period where gay visibility was becoming more tangible in spite the the setbacks the AIDS epidemic had created and the pushbacks a heteronormative society countered with. So it was still a turbulent time for many, especially for those who weren't in the big cities, etc., at least to me. But I'm enjoying the personal accounts...

[quote]Most guys wouldn’t even kiss on the lips when hooking up.

Nonsense. Not in NYC in the 90s! This did not happen.

I loved it. Tons of hot dick in the UCLA bathrooms.

OP posts a genuine question and gets the full Datalounge treatment.

Of course it all depends on your age, location, and economic resources at the time.

Came of age as a poor student in the early 80's (pre-AIDS) in SF and the tribal gay subcultures and insulated gay ghettos were fabulous and relatively care-free in terms of homophobia. There were 90 gay bars. EVERYONE in SF was gay. It was one outrageous party. That largely ended with HIV mid 80's-mid 90's.

I had become a research immunologist who saw mostly dying patients (and friends) so the early1990's were depressing for me until effective anti-viral therapy became available. Was partnered and working in the lab for most of the 90's and didn't have time for club or pop culture and don't remember much of it. But have always been grateful to have not been living anywhere other than a large, liberal, North American city. Have had a good life, but will never recover from those years psychically.

I do miss urban gayborhoods, but gay rights are stronger today.

Things for humans in general -- especially for younger people, people of color in the US, and low wage earners, I think -- are not so good in 2022 in terms of the ecology of overpopulation, including the rise of fascism, new viral pandemics, and the consequences of climate change. It seems to me that while being gay now is sort of normalized, there are still dreaded, violent haters. You might not need gay bars and cafes because of the internet and Scruff, but you might find your home under water, your neighbors (even some of the Gays) wearing MAGA hats, and no where to socialize or see art and gay culture due to the threat of contracting long COVID and failing democracy.

You could ask how happy/horrible was it being gay in any generation and get another hundred different responses/experiences. Again, it probably has as much to do with what's going on with you as much as the political , cultural, or technological climate of the day. The good news for you is that you have vast access to information (some of it true, some of it false, and some of it plain cunty) which you can use to try to set up your own future.

R173 but none of those artists listed were the biggest /top selling artists of the decade

According to the 1999 Billboard Decade in Charts Issue the top 10 selling artists of the 90s in the US were Garth Brooks, Mariah Carey, Janet Jackson, Boyz II Men, Celine Dion, Madonna (#2 in the 80s), Toni Braxton, Whitney Houston, Michael Bolton and TLC

r77 I wasn't angry nor refering to woke culture per se. Frankly, it was easier to get along with people from any background to get along. And there were several organizations dedicated to a variety groups as well as events and social clubs. But it wasn't as a hostile as it has been in the last decade.

On another note, I was involved in several organizations for racially/culturally mixed people... where we would try to bridge the gaps between conflicted communities but by the mid 2000s they became more individualistic and hostile.

I volunteered as a lgbt sex educator in that period. I even got requested by a catholic high school. I couldn't imagine doing that now.

Volunteering and activism was also quite different back then. It felt like community. It wasn't all protests, we'd rrequest meetings with our representatives and actually get them most of the time. Even if they didn't always agree or listen.

socioeconomic issues was the bigger of divides but on the broader sense than specifically in the community.

The more annoying was the rise of the kiddie goths with Marilyn Manson... and then the goth scene was filled with those poseurs and far too many were racist little fucks. kind of like the punk scene in the early 80s. (goth/industrial scene better in the 80s, as punk was better in the 70s, and so on.)

On the politics front, democrats were shit, republicans were shit, and people weren't threatening you for voting third party. Or not voting.

Were there problems? Yes, but every era has them and you make the best of it. But it wasn't an aids zombie parade or dire oppression in every bloody corner as some people in this thread are seemingly trying to make it out to be. Someone above says we're looking back with rose-coloured glasses yet many others seem to be viewing through a glass darkly. It was an exciting time to be alive because you could see that change was on horizon. It was a time of hope and celebration more than tears and anger. In that, there was more unity than divides.

As to the sex education bit - the part I'd have trouble with is we were open and thorough with sex education. And in that way, I think we've definitely regressed. Despite the technology and access to information today, it seems like people are more clueless about it now. Though part of that was the push in the 2000s of purity pledges that briefly took over the nation and led to even straight kids going for anal as a loophole to that. Which obviously destigmatized that quite a bit. A few years later, it wasn't uncommon to hear about girls exclaiming to their parents about eating booty. Though I suppose we could contribute that to the Springer generation that got it's rise in the 90s with all things trashy. But sex education took a backseat, no pun intended.

I watched all twenty-four minutes of the 1993 NYC Gay Pride Parade video.

I'm not in it, but O was there that entire day as I was every year from 1982 on. What did I notice? EVERY person interviewed of every color and age says "Gay and Lesbian" "Gay and Lesbian" "Gay and Lesbian" over and over. ONLY in the final minute does anyone mention "Gay Marriage" at all, and the complete and total absence of TRANS WOMEN of COLOR in relation to Stonewall because that lie HADN'T BEEN INVENTED YET!

Nowadays it is not "Gay and Lesbian Pride" it is just "Pride" and a massive focus has shifted to Trans Trans Trans Trans Trans with major Gay and especially Lesbian erasure! Plus the "community" seems far more divided which was exactly what almost every person interviewed was concerned about not happening. It's very telling.

I've already posted in this thread, but I wanted to add.

I'm not going to say that X was better than Y, because that makes you sound like an old fuddy duddy. Do I like music from me teens and 20s better than today's music? Sure, but I'm not going to say it's better than today's music or that clubs were better back then. However, I will say this, and maybe this is because I'm a GenXer, but it seems like we didn't take ourselves so fucking seriously.

Maybe it was because we were left to raise ourselves, but things just seemed a lot more chill. There were issues and things we were concerned about, but the tone was different and I think we were able to laugh at ourselves a little more.

In the 90s, we didn't have mobiles, so some of us put ads on telephone lines to meet new people and join gay groups. We also paid slightly more attention to each other because, again, no mobiles.

The movies about gays were generally AWFUL. But some of the music was good. The music in general wasn't bad if you liked Brit Pop (which I did). Not Spice Girls because they were later 90s, but Blur, Pulp, etc.

Confidence was harder to come by because there weren't outlets that could be immediately validating like social media can be based on how you look, what you believe/say, etc.

I fashioned myself a poet at the time, so I submitted to zines (independent magazines).

I volunteered at an AIDS hospice (which started to disappear after the mid-90s due to the cocktails coming out preserving life).

We didn't judge trannies like DL does now (DL existed back then, but I didn't know it existed).

It was a happy, simpler time (I was also in my 20s, so I'm nostalgic for the mid-90s).

r190 Our generation was trashed then forgotten. . . putting us in the same boat as the silent generation; which was the other sandwiched between two bigger generations with a buttload of problems.

the early internet (/bbs/fido/newsgroups/irc/etc) was lgbt heavy.

Xena was a break thru for the lesbian crowd drawing more into the online space and that archive is still around.

Eddy & Jase became the first 'internet' famous (in the u.s.) couple for having met off of newsgroups. There were a few stories about them in the press.

obviously, aol and these greater commercial services took a mainstream role. AOL's online community had the distinction of being a national meeting place for hiv positive people. The official rooms of Pozitive Living, and the less official of hivm4m.

In the Los Angeles area, delos waas a massive connection bbs for gay/bi men. it's where most of the early online whores gathered. also, why I'm so fucking verbose. but there were numerous lgbt (well, lgb) bbses around the country and world. not all in major cities either. there were several in flyover states. It's a history some of you might look up. Unfortunately, not much of it was saved. And when google took over newsgroups .. they didn't save everything either. . . not too many people thought about attempting to save those older bits.

What was datalounge like in the late 90s? Anyone remember?

DL was a 1-900 number back then.

I'll tell you one thing I appreciate now.

Our lives are not just pride parades, drag shows, leather catwalks and screechy singers wailing.

I love those things, have clapped for all those things.....but a performance does not a life make. Possibilities have expanded far beyond the periphery where we existed and subsisted for years.

R185 very thoughtful response.

OP you ARE special! Gold star for you!

I came of age in the mid-90s and it was the absolute best. I didn't know anyone who died of AIDS, except a cousin's wife who was a former addict and got it sharing needles. 90s dance music was the all-time best. There was nothing like walking into the gay clubs in Chicago, hearing this song blasting through the speakers, and dancing the night away.

America in the 1990s was a prosperous and optimistic place in general. We’d won the Cold War, we were dominating in women’s Olympic gymnastics and figure skating, Snackwell’s products were taking the country by storm. It was a hell of a time.

Mmm snackwells.

R41- Where did you live then?

It sounds like a like FLYOVERSTAN territory

[quote]We certainly didn't have quite the same level of daily political acrimony in 1992 as in 2022, but that is an "everyone" thing, not just gay people.

I remember thinking Newt Gingrich's Contract on America was as bad as it could get (coupled with DOMA, DADT, and the continuing assault of AIDS). Who knew?

[quote]We didn't judge trannies like DL does now

Because there were no “trannies” in todays sense of the word. Indeed, using the very word tranny may get your teeth knocked out. There were transvestites and cross dressers.

Not people who had no idea what their gender was and co-opted gays and our rights for themselves. And then try to take credit for it.

good point about the sense of optimism in the US. Progress was being made - if a little stop and start. And after 12 years of Republican rule, we at least had a Dem President. And the economy steadily grew as Clinton paid down the national debt and got America’s finances in order. Especially in NYC it seemed things got wealthier and safer. Ultimately lead to the sterility and extreme economic inequality of today - but at the time it was an improvement.

The progress in AIDS was also a part. Though more people were dying in the early 90s and fear was now an ingrained part of sex, we knew condoms worked. The breakthroughs in AIDS didn’t become real until the late 90s. The common gay man didn’t stop worrying about AIDS In 1996. By 1998-99, it became clearer that the treat,ent really did work and there was a hope for the end of AIDS - or at least decreased terror of dying before 30 from AIDS.

R200 FLYOVERSTANI wasn't funny in 2016

In case you read and earlier poster who got it completely wrong, I actually recall the safer sex/condom guidelines coming out in late 1983. Sometime in 1984 the test for AIDS antibodies was available and many of my contemporaries received the bad news.

Many figured their days were numbered and were correct and lived accordingly. Some, really just a few, managed to live until 1996 when the "cocktail" became available and managed to stay alive, but these treatments still were not effective for a large number of guys who were already pretty ill, and many people continued to die of AIDS after 1996.

I was surprised to hear how some gay men were similar to people who think COVID is a hoax. They believed it wasn’t as bad, an anti gay sex conspiracy, or just assumed they already had it and carried on as they had without practicing safe sex. I even watched a documentary with an AIDS denialist who finally went to the doctor when he was so sick he was near death.

Oh yeah r206 I too saw an AIDS denialist documentary on YouTube. Wonder if it was the same one. They basically said AIDS is not terminal and might even be a conspiracy.

There was no gay marriage or acceptance of gays as in 2022 but I can tell you that the 90s were WAY better in every way. Smartphones didn't exist, social medias didn't exist so we heard a lot less about all those "offended" people who pretend to be the norm. There was no Wokeist to piss everyone off, the music was still real music and the singers were not copy and paste of other singers. Movies were still very creative, without a new Marvel or Dc comic every week, people were still human and not grafted to their smartphones. TV shows were of better quality, yes Aids was killing our people, but today it's Covid that kills and locks everyone up, and Pfizer corrupted to the bone didn't subdue the world heads of state.

Pride was more like how woodstock is portrayed outside of the parade bit. Indie bands setting up in some park space while people sat around smoking joints.

Gay movies were actually better imho then they are now -- all a bunch of hallmark style movies or weird low quality romance / soft core porn.

Although they existed, waaaaay fewer yaaassss queens than there seems to be now.

Gay clubs were 99.99999999% men.

The gay areas were actually full of gay people, it wasn't all trendy straight couples like it seems to be now.

if you wanted to watch a gay movie you went to "the gay video rental place" in the village.

Homophobia was more direct but people didn't say fag every other word like they do now.

Oh, NO ONE said "that's so gay". That was actually a 2000s - 2010s thing. I think there was a comment on The Office about it where Michael says he used to say it all the time but no one said it. Language in general today is much more homophobic in general.

Guys didn't have 50000 different ways to identify shoved in their face so gay guys were gay and bi guys were bi etc. There was no straight demi-sexual pan whatever.

Gay guys were still treated like guys and not some kind of woman with a penis or another species like we are now.

Trans people existed but you really ever only saw them in movies.

Oh and people were meaner in general, but you were more like an equal to them. Like I mentioned they didn't just treat you like... "we just need to accept the gay people because they have a birth defect that they were born with" like they do now.

Oh yeah: gay.com was an actual useable thing that worked and you could also meet people on IRC. There was basically NO social media. There was MSN and ICQ and that was pretty much it. No Twitter, Instagram etc. Was nice.

R208 the militant gays WERE the "wokeists" of the 90s. Remember the Arsenic Hall Show ambush? It amazes me how certain members from a marginalized group can today talk like they currently belong to the conservative majority

[quote] Oh, NO ONE said "that's so gay". That was actually a 2000s - 2010s thing.

This is the only thing in your excellent post you’re incorrect about.

I was in school in the 80s and it was said back then.

I loved going to The Works on the Upper West Side of Manhattan in 1995. What a good looking crowd of PREPPIE and YUPPIE guys. In those days on a Thursday night at The Works a lot of the guys would be wearing suits and ties. You wouldn't see that anymore.

R200 I lived in a large city on the east coast. Not the south, not "flyoverland."

Yeah, That's So Gay was very much an 80s thing. By the 2000s/2010s everyone knew how wrong that was to say.

WCBS Channel 2 News at 11:00pm Montage (11/22/95)

Hets thought we were all going to die and we were a tiny despised minority, which was weird as simeultaneously the biggest or second biggest parade in every city was gay pride. One of their big bonding days was blood drive day. The swagger and smirk as they all pranced around with their "I gave" stickers, even closet cases I knew were getting way more gay sex than I ever thought of, joined the little "real men" club that day as they were allowed to give blood and I, being honest, wasn't.

One prick loudly suggested he buy me life insurance naming himself as the beneficiary and if I were still alive in two years, he would turn it over to me. That's how confident they were we would all die off. How funny it is now at 60 to be thought of by the younger people at work as the embodiment of white male privilege. They have no idea what real discrimination is.

Regularly passed over for promotion, not even invited on the bonus cruise so nobody would have to share a room with me, etc....

Seeing Pedro on MTV’s Real World SF (1994) living as an ordinary man who happened to be HIV+ had a big impact on young viewers’ image and understanding of the disease.

Happy times in the 90s going out to gay clubs and dancing to Dreamer.

R208, I agreed with your entire post until below, at which, no.

[quote] TV shows were of better quality,

That’s SO gay PSA

R217 now there can be more than one form of discrimination at the same time. I'm sure the black gay women can tell us a few stories of their own.

OP, I came of age in the 90s and I have mixed emotions about my experience then. In relation to AIDS/HIV I’d refer you to the movie, Longtime Companion. Watching it in the early 90s, the movie follows a timeline that ends in 1989, I felt the 90s was the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, we had it much better than gays in the 80s. I traversed the rocky terrain that was gay life between’95-‘99 with mixed results. I was the embodiment of 20s angst. And OP, since you and others are chomping at the bit to talk about “white privilege”, I can tell you that white gay men were harshest to their fellow white gay men. My closest friend had newly arrived from Mexico. There were too many alphas looking for beta gays to be part of their entourage. Black gay men, mostly went to a gay bar that catered mainly to a black clientele at the time. Despite not being computer-savvy at the time, I read a lot. My impression, early on, was that gay men couldn’t or wouldn’t leave well enough alone. Right after Clinton’s came in to office, all the liberal publications, including our own (the Advocate, Genre) wanted to talk about bisexuality or whatever else Queer Theory was pushing. And of course that filtered in to the gay population. So, I got to be fortunate in being the one who all the bisexuals wanted to approach and tell me all about their bisexuality. At the time those experiences made me feel so lonely. Despite all this I carried forward and managed to have a good time anyway.

"[R208] the militant gays WERE the "wokeists" of the 90s. Remember the Arsenic Hall Show ambush? It amazes me how certain members from a marginalized group can today talk like they currently belong to the conservative majority"

Total BULLSHIT! This had NOTHING to do with the Wokeism. Absolutely NOTHING. Is your brain so devastated that for you, the opposite to Wokeism is conservatism? Tell me, how far did you study in school? What a moron!

r219 totally! Pedro Zamora was a true inspiration and hero. His death devastated me.

Graduated high school in 1999, and "that's so gay" definitely was a thing in the late 90s. If it was a resurgence from the 80s (as R211 pointed out), then so be it, but it was definitely prevalent in the early 2000s - why else would they release PSAs like the one linked at R222?

It also explains why younger millennials and zoomers latched onto the "queer" label rather than "gay". The latter one was far too loaded a term from their childhoods, and "queer" had fallen into disuse (in particular as a put-down) by that time, so it held no negative connotations for them. That's also why eldergays (justifiably, IMO) bristle at its current use and why we have the current generational disagreement about the term itself.

I lived in London throughout the 90s. I made a lot of wonderful friends, but I went to too many funerals. When I think of that time it still brings back the fear we all felt.

R225 please take your valium, and is that your best comeback (oh you disagree with me so you must be an idiot)?

It was a decade of great hope for gay rights. In many ways the 2010s were a step back from the great promise of the 1990s.

[quote]No one who was a young adult in the 90s wishes they were a young adult in 2022

True. I enjoyed my twinkdom in the late 90s.

Chat rooms like AOL and gay.com were huge. They were like what Grindr is today.

It was nice to be a debauched pig without worrying about getting your drunken whore ass caught on a cell phone camera and posted on social media for the whole world to see. Things were able to be "kept quiet" back in the 90s, before cameras and social media.

[quote]The documentary on Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivers talks about how they tried to be involved in the gay groups but we kept out by the white privileged gays. Maybe it was still that way in the 90s.

Marsha and Sylvia were kept out because they were both obnoxious, batshit crazy junkies who demanded to be the center of attention at all times. Seriously, they were both total fucking whack jobs and impossible.

I forgot all about ICQ. I was really into that for awhile.

EVERY gay group in the early 90s on was pushing diversity and reaching out to other groups for synergies.

Sean Patrick Live was a thrill.

[quote] I forgot all about ICQ. I was really into that for awhile.

Wanna cyber?

[quote]Wanna cyber?

A / S/ L?

[quote]horrible club music ... and the fashion not being that great either.

I see you, troll.

I was the biggest whore on gay.com! I loved it. It seems so antiquated now (you couldn't even send pics on it, you had to exchange email addresses) but it was such an amazing invention at the time.

I see you too bitch

What people don't know about discrimination is that where there are no laws, one person at a big employer with hundreds of people: one person could get you fired because of their hate and NOBODY would stand up for you. Indeed they wouldn't even tell you what was being said about you

I watched so many hot men blow a load on ICQII

R242 that happened to me in 2011

A way of life that went from discrete and somewhat louche to hopelessly banal and mainstream.

Mid-late 90s came out when I moved to LA. The first apartment was in Culver City and quickly found out I needed to be in Weho and join a gym. I was a Weho clone in a year. The baggy jeans, black tight tank or t-shirt and cross neckless on a leather rope or ungodly color combos with shorts and tanks - all to show off. Shaved sides of the head. long on top. The internet was new (AOL! lol) and Gay BBS was the new thing. I worked in entertainment PR which was awesome because I got to go to all these great parties and had connections at the best clubs to get in VIP rooms, but they were boring. Mickey's, Rage..all the great bars in WeHo. You literally could get laid walking down the street.

[quote] and Gay BBS was the new thing.

What’s BBS?

r247 Bulletin board system.

Oh, duh. Of course.

Maybe the doctor was right, maybe I do need both pills.

Interesting article about gay life in the 90s, from the 90s...

R250 And nary a mention of "LGBT." Those were the days, my friend.

OP...You are clearly thinking about the 80s. The early years of AIDS were the worst. A friend would be diagnosed (as we said then), and six months later they were dead. This happened over and over. Yes, it sucked, but things got better over time. By the time the 90s rolled around all my beautiful friends had been dead for years.

I'm thankful to have come out in SF during mid-90s. I had a supportive network of G/L/B friends also recently out of undergrad. Most of us either had good jobs, temped and/or prepping for grad school, and are still friends til this day. For the most part, the gay community was very inviting, and we volunteered for various AIDS causes/groups. Nightlife was varied and dance music was awesome, and we went out most every weekend to engage and/or hook up. Condom use was de ri·gueur. SF then was relatively affordable (think this was pre-dot com boom and obviously & thankfully pre-cell phone & hookup apps), and I rented room in house of 70s Castro clone couple. From their tales & as a minority, I would not have wanted to come out during their era.

R252 how did you function in the 80s when they was going on? Serious question - I just can’t imagine. The trauma seems so severe.

R54, I'm not R252, but I lived through it in NYC having come out in 1977. It was hell. Every day looking for sores or focusing on your breathing. Watching folks drop like flies. Knowing the government was entirely uncaring. Plus the threat of nuclear annihilation. Thank heavens I was in a relationship and had friends to help us all cope.

The 90s were absolutely marvelous in comparison; actually they were absolutely marvelous, period.

R254, not R54^^^

Did COVID in 2020 trigger any memories of that time for you?

R254...You are correct. The trauma was severe. Many of us who were blessed enough to survive still carry the trauma. A form of PTSD. Anxiety and depression were common. Grief permeated the community. Some of the most attractive men were the first to go. Kaposi Sarcoma was hideous. Men who were flawless beauties had gaping sores and large purple patches all over them. There was tremendous bitterness by those who were infected towards those who were not. Survivor guilt plagued many. But those of us who survived were stronger because of it all because of the lessons learned. Lesbians were tremendously supportive and did a lot of work to try and help. We don't live in the immortality bubble that is so common. It also prepared us for Covid. We don't fuck with viruses.

Agree the 90s were heaven compared to the 80s. Though it always strikes me as strange that the actual number of deaths was much higher in the early 90s - even among gay people. Ex, Freddie Mercury. But the initial shock and terror was over by 1990 and there was knowledge - so while many were dying, the fear had subsided and gays coming out were able to protect themselves. The fear of AIDS was an undercurrent to the whole of gay life - but we were allowed to start to have fun again and dance and have (safe) sex.

R252 and everyone else - I’m really sorry you went through that. I really can’t imagine.

I’m not r252, and I don’t want to steal his thanks, but I want to thank you, r260.

I know it’s silly, but it does mean a lot that there are some younger gays with a modicum of respect for us Eldergays who went through that.

Appreciate it.

In the 90's I would never fuck without a rubber. Hell I got crabs once and swore off sex for six months.

I got crabs twice. I got in the shower and shaved everything from my pubes to my knees. That got rid of them.

Gay life in the '90s was a swingin' time.

The bars/clubs were still fun and cruisy.

More strides were being made with gay rights.

AIDS was still there, but new treatments made things seem more hopeful.

It was a big deal when Will & Grace and Queer As Folk came out. There still wasn't that kind of representation on TV at the time.

It was still iffy to come out at work in the '90s. But the tide was turning.

And CeCe Peniston let us know everything would be okay.

R263 and thus started the pube-shaving phenomenon.

[quote] In those days on a Thursday night at The Works a lot of the guys would be wearing suits and ties.

Nonsense. You were at the Townhouse. The Works was strictly casual.

R266 I met a guy with the biggest dick I have ever seen in person at The Works and he had just come from an event honoring Valentino and was wearing a suit

Earlier in the evening on weekdays men in suits were at The Works

R38 insurance, connections and money can't prevent you from dying from HIV/AIDS.

'90 - '95: Meh, AID's, some representation in film and tv, Clinton was elected.

'95 - '00: FANTASTIC!

R270 did you forget me?

Nothing can ever beat being a young gay man in NYC in the 1970s.

R271, Yes, I did...because that was the 80's. OP asked about the 90's. Are you well?

I was a medical student in the 90s. I remember the last AIDS death I was present at: 1997. It was amazing to see my HIV+ patients not just surviving but getting better.

R273 I'd also mention An Early Frost and The Normal Heart both from 1985. AIDS has a history before the 90s and I found your response limited and simplistic. BTW many posts here reference different time periods as a way to compare and give historical perspective.

The 90s and 2010s were the best two decades for gay people.

The 2000-2009 era was a bitter disappointment.

It wasn't very good for Matthew Shepard. And no, I don't buy into all that "drug deal gone wrong" bullshit. I think it's very interesting that all his 2 murderers had to do was say "Well, ACTUALLY..." and people said "Well, I guess that's how it happened then" without even questioning why they were changing their story now that the trial was long over. I think it shows how strong homophobia still is today that people are so quick to vilify a gay man who was murdered based on the word of 2 psychopaths when they said nothing of the sort at their trial.

It's just as bad today. People just hide it better.

The 90s saw big advances in AIDS treatment and mainstream acceptance. It was also a time of less rights and political power than today, and Matthew Shepard was a devastating wake up call. We still had so much further to go.

I agree with R276 and R277, and I would add that we're experiencing another cycle of backlash in the 2020s. We seem to go two steps forward, one step back, decade by decade. It's progress, eventually, but it's so frustrating, and even when we're winning, we never feel safe for long. History is a zigzag, not a straight line.

I was too busy fucking hot guys to notice. It was really lots of fun, though.