DL Pet Owners: What is the most embarrassing thing your pet has done?

Humped my grandmother's leg.

When we’re on a walk and she goes #2, once in a while she’ll have a dangling piece and I have to grab it with the doggie bag and pull it out. 😬

Bitten them on the pussy

Kiss e on the lips in front of my mother!

My elderly Bichon will find the most public and inappropriate place to squat and do her business...usually in the middle of a crosswalk.

Years ago, my darling terrier mutt peed on the shag carpet at Trina Turk's Palm Springs Boutique. Previously, she had peed on the carpet in the lobby of the Standard in Manhattan.

drag out unmentionables in front of guests.

Took giant Schnauzer, Hansel to FAO Schwarz, New York's premiere toy store. After we left and walked two blocks, I noticed an expensive stuffed animal in his mouth. We returned to the store with many apologies. The manager was gracious.

Got in the dirty laundry when she was a puppy and ate the crotch of every pair of pants. Ok, fine but I only noticed when I was wearing a pair and pulled them down and was peeing. At a conference.

Many years ago when I had my English bulldog with me while I was browsing in a shoes store he laid a really bad silent but deadly and I saw the manager giggling and walk extravagantly over to the door and open it to get some fresh air in. I think he thought it was me and yes I was mortified:

The same dog was warming her butt on a floor vent in my office at the time and got too relaxed and peed down the central vent.

I’ve told this here before… A Newfoundland who goes dead weight down on walks and refuses to get up… People pass by asking if she’s alright, dead or sick and we just stand there trying to explain she’s a bit… stubborn… Sometimes people look at us and it’s clear they want to make us feel guilty for an unnamed transgression…

Took a dump in the middle of a hotel lobby. My dog wasn't that big but it was still pretty embarassing.

And the only thing that has actually really embarrassed me is that my big guy, who you know has severe issues and is half siberian husky, SCREAMS when he sees any other dog. And he doesn't stop until a few minutes after the dog is out of sight. You genuinely worry that he's being stuck with lit cigarettes or something. And it's so loud that no one can hear me if try to explain. SCREAMS.

My dad took our dog to obedience school, but was unavailable for “graduation” night, and asked me to take him. The dog never particularly liked me, and after I had taken him through the whole routine and was talking to the judge in center circle, the dog raised his leg and pissed on me in front of about 30 other owners, all of whom were laughing uproariously.

My Bull Mastiff loved everyone. I would walk him to get a to-go pizza at California Pizza Kitchen. One time, a little two-year-old boy and his parents passed by on their way out and asked if the little boy could pet him. The kid started petting him. My dog then laid on the ground on his back and spread-eagled thinking he was going to get belly rubs.

The kid looked mortified and yelled, "the babies are going to come out now!"

I lost it, and the parents were reassuring him that no babies were coming out.

My golden ran away from home and teamed up with another stray or runaway in the neighbor.

They apparently created quite a reign of terror on the small island resort community where I lived, including going swimming in the indoor pool of an upscale hotel and generally creating havoc when the hotel management tried to remove them.

He was eventually taken in my a family who owned a very-expensive gated home on the north end of the island, who recognized him on the posters and called me. When I went to pick him up, he pretended he didn't know me, and I practically had to carry him to the car. The family who had taken him in, looked at me very skeptically, as if they suspected he was really not my dog.

Mine isn't so bad. I was a first time dog owner at 55 with a -- wait for it -- Border Collie. My pup has 1/8th Rhodesian Ridgeback heritage and doesn't have BC neuroticism or oddities -- he doesn't chase random turning wheels or nip at kids, and I fortunately have a huge yard in a dog-friendly community so he has territory to guard and loves friendly walks. If I let him, he'll wear himself out

Except, he was such a fraidy cat when young. He regularly hid during our seven week puppy training class. He had to be enticed out of an alcove where folding chairs were stored, if he wasn't trying to run out the door. He's big and towered over the Labradoodles and Golden doodles, but was submissive to a tiny Javanese and a Dauchshaund. But sweet beyond belief.

I took it a bit personally, thinking I was probably inadequate and felt inferior as a dog owner. But, he's grown into his own -- still back-flopping at his vet visits -- but totally running the property.

Welcome Jame Gumb, aka OP.

More stories, please.

When I was a kid we only had nice dogs who didn't bite or anything. Small to medium sized.

My mom adopted a used dog when I was in my 20's. Cute little (small to medium, again) hairy thing. I lived with them for a while, and the dog liked me. Sometimes I'd take her for walks. I didn't know she bit. One time she snapped at (or bit?) some teen boys walking home from school. I guess they were too masculine to say anything. Another time we were at a local flea market and she did the same thing to a kid. Amazingly, the dad didn't say he was going to sue or anything. He yelled at the kid for trying to pet a strange dog. I stopped taking the dog places, because I was done pushing my luck.

I had a German Shepard that would shit while walking on the street or sidewalk he just didn’t care to squat as he got older. I miss him terribly he was the best dog I ever had.

One of my dogs failed a free junior college obedience class. The first night he bit the instructor. The second week he got under the car seat and wouldn't come out. The third week he turned his back to the class and watched traffic go by for two hours. The next week was supposed to be the class picnic, but the day before I received an envelope in the mail with a diploma and a letter saying 'here's a diploma congratulations you don't need to back'.

[quote]Humped my grandmother's leg

Please— she wanted it.

Like so, R7?

People as a general rule don't know that dogs only respond to positive reinforcement training. Telling a dog bad dog is stupid. Instead when a dog does what you want you reward it not chastise it.

[quote] My mom adopted a used dog

Did she go to a dog dealership, R21?

[quote]People as a general rule don't know that dogs only respond to positive reinforcement training.

EVERYONE, everything - dogs, cats, horses, kids - respond to positive reinforcement. Unless they're crazy.

Got my sister pregnant.

At least that's how she told it.

Took my dog home with me for Christmas to my parents' house and he got into my sister's suitcase and dragged her big ol' bra into the living room while my nieces were performing carols for a house full of people.

My dog pissed in the Christmas tree in the lobby on the way out for a walk

Hah, r30! My cat dragged my elderly mother's brassiere from her Samsonite kept in the bedroom during a visit and charged into the living room with it atop her head. My mother was fairly strict and dour and normally had no use for animals, regardless of their real-life usefulness. My sweet parakeet even put her out. I was about to die when both mother and father cracked up and couldn't stop laughing. The cat acted like a freight train with it. She even indulged kitty s bit trying to get it off her head, still laughing.

We had an unneutered dog who liked to lick his erection in front of an audience.

My dog is very calm and walks so faithfully beside or a step behind me that I very rarely use a leash.

Spotting a frail old blind man with a white cane, however, I will race to attach a leash because if there is one thing the dog loves it's fucking up the path of the blind and the handicapped.

My mother said her date(s) complained of being intimated by our pets. She was never ready on time and date had to sit on the couch in the den for 15 minutes. Pets (one dog, three cats) would line up on the chair across from the couch and STARE.

Not but my sister, her big goofy beagle came out of the bathroom carrying one of her used KOTEX! Luckily her best girlfriend from HS was there and they could hardly chase him around for laughing, he didn't want to give up his prize.

All of this cat/dog retrieving bras/kotex is sitcom bullshit.

My bf and I give our housecats the run of the place but it's a bit embarrassing when his parents come and the cats jump up on the table and sniff their plates and food.

Have you no House RULES, idiot R38?

R37 I wish that was true.

My tiny dog turns full on Cujo when an old Indian lady walks by everyday. I feel so bad. I don't know why he hates her.

It’s the curry.

Warning!!! Do not eat at r38's house!

We were set to travel, and planned to board our cats at our veterinary clinic. Mistakenly thought they’d be happier in a larger pod, together. They weren’t. They were freaked out, and fighting each other, viciously. The vet called, said we had to come get them, because they couldn’t remain together in the pod, there were no other available pods, and most shamefully, THEY WERE UPSETTING THE OTHER CATS.

We now have a sitter on speed-text, because our cats don’t know how to act.

We found one of our "fixed" male cats humping a stuffed animal that belonged to my kids. Repeatedly. The stuffed toy is a black cat that is basically the size of a real cat. It was too pervy, so we hid the toy. Eventually the kids found it or we felt guilty and gave it back, and I did tell them that Ninja had assaulted it. Not sure where the toy is now.

[quote] Trina Turk's Palm Springs Boutique

She wouldn’t care; she’s a sweetheart.

Male, un-neutered beagle. There was a brick patio in the back yard and we'd walk in the patio either barefoot or in flip-flops. Whenever someone stood still, beagle would sit down on that person's foot. He'd purposely rest his balls on that person's foot, as if the foot were a ball-warmer.

It happened to me, R37. I can laugh about it 25 years later because everything turned out okay, but it could have been disaster.

While I was taking a shower, my dog pushed the bathroom door open & plucked a used tampon (wrapped in toilet paper) out of the wastebasket. I discovered this as I exited the bathroom. He was laying in the middle of the living room, and it almost looked like he was eating a tamale or something? He'd torn & peeled back the toilet paper (holding it down with both paws) and was happily chewing on the "treat" inside. 🤢

I yelled "Noooooooo!" and shot into the living room. He was a great dog, but he could be little food/treat aggressive...and he was really diggin' that thing! He snarled & snapped at me as I reached down, and then, WHOOSH!! It was gone. He had inhaled it, swallowed it whole!

I stood there stunned for a few seconds, trying to wrap my mind around what had just happened. So gross....and OH SHIT!! I threw on some clothes & raced off to the vet, where they induced vomiting, and he was fine. I was really embarrassed, on top of being freaked-out. (I had visions of surgery on the way there). My vet said she gets a few tampon-eaters every year, so no reason to be embarrassed -- but get a wastebasket with a lid!

Henry? We don't use the word nightshirt here in the states!

Anything with our scent. My dog started retrieving used kleenex from wastebaskets.

Well, r49, I guess I could've said I had my T-shirt & my panties on and burst into an Adina Howard classic tune from the 90s, but I found nightshirt to be far more succinct.

She fucked a dachshund - she was an 85 pound terrier who had to have backed up to a ladder or ottoman.

The children were bizarre looking, but had a very pleasant manatee vibe about them as they grew older.

Attacked a hiker the other day. Almost ripped his arm off. It was terrible. He never attacked people before, only dogs.

I was on a ZOOM meeting with work, with some very senior people. I realised that people were struggling not to laugh, and not succeeding. My cat was getting stuck into chewing his arsehole.

You have an aggressive dog R53 and it's your responsibility to train it!! What do you mean "attacked ONLY dogs"?? It's still attacking!

When I am walking him, he wants to attack other dogs. Obviously he can't since he's on a leash. We didn't have him since he was little, so we didn't train him as he was growing up.

My neutered male cat tried to mount my tiny six month female...she wasn't pleased. Turned around, smacked and bit him. We took him to the vet for antibiotics. Needless to say they didn't speak ever again after the incident (he was afraid of her).

Anyone has experience with aggressive dog and if you had him castrated, did aggression changed?

Once, I was accepting a UPS package, while wearing my robe. My dog ran out of the house, as I scooped him up with one arm, I was signing my name to accept the package. Then, my robe came open, likely from bending down to scoop my dog up. Both hands were full, so I had to hang free, open and exposed, for those 9-10 seconds.

Echoing r34 - my dog, with mere eye contact and body language, can incite a seeing dog start barking, lunging, and ultimately pulling their hapless owner down the street.

r58 yes and no (castrated as an adult)

I once had a dog that would get jump up on the bed as soon as someone came and try to lick it up.

He was aggressive about it too.

R61 So he was still aggressive after the castration? Is/was he only aggressive towards other dogs or towards people as well?

I've found dogs neutered as adults to become much better behaved and better pets because they're not driven crazy by hormones. The learned behavior as far as aggression is concerned, is partially training.

This would be embarrassing only if someone saw it, but it does violate some cat-human boundaries:

We adopted two kittens, brothers, years ago. After they became acclimated, they felt comfortable wandering into the bathroom whenever my husband or I were in there. They were fascinated by us peeing… we were always afraid they might bat at the stream. But if we were sitting on the toilet they would make themselves at home in our pants that were down around our ankles. They would actually race to be the first one to sit in our pants.

Years later, the only interest one of them still has is making sure the toilet is flushed. He will walk into the bathroom, quite matter-of-factly, and look into the bowl.

I've heard about cats coming into the bathroom while the owner is sitting on the toilet. I think they realize they have a captive audience.

That is so cute, R65. Pants wrapped around ankles would have just the kind of shape and warmth that cats love.

On the flight home from Thanksgiving, my dog had explosive diarehea in the under seat carrier. I rushed her to the bathroom to get her and the bag cleaned up and I came out only when the FA banged on the door. I strapped myself in just as the plane was landing.

This was when the soft sided pet carriers were new and recently accepted on the airplane and weren't easily recognizable as pet carriers. The entire plane smelled like shit but everyone was glaring at the infant in the row in front of me. The parents were looking at each other confused, while smelling the baby. It's funny now.

I called my mother to tell her what happened and she said "I was worried about that when I saw how much turkey she ate". I'm a vegetarian this was the first time my dog ate real meat, ham bacon turkey and of course couldn't get enough of it. Thanks for telling me NOW mom.

I hate people who turn their pets into vegetarians.

FFS, the dog ate dog food. That's why I specified "real meat" ya pedantic cunt.

[Quote]FFS, the dog ate dog food. That's why I specified "real meat" ya pedantic cunt.

You're not much of a "dog owner," who attempts to read, are you? Not knowing what dog foods actually specify in their content, including the FDA definition of "real meat."

You actually sound like an egregiously uninformed diletantte or MAGAt whose proud stupidity is his hallmark and thinks Pedigree is a top dog food. And if his mutts don't like it, there's a really long, muddy backyard where they'll be hosed down to drown if not up to snuff.

Supposedly dogs CAN be vegetarians but cats CANNOT.

Um, no, R72. Just NO.

My one dog used to scare herself any time she farted. She would take off running in terror. We had some strange mushrooms growing in our backyard and apparently she got into them and ate a few. They seemingly upset her stomach because out of nowhere she started zipping from room to room with explosive diarrhea spraying out of her ass. We had to chase her around the house for several minutes to get her to calm down and stop - it was a total mess.

My other dog, a terrier mix, was with me when I was at the McDonald's drive thru one time, and she started barking up a storm at the top of her lungs right into the speaker as I was trying to order. The employee ended up walking outside into the drive thru lane with her head set on and gave me a dirty look, then walked back inside. I had to pull over and go inside to place my order at the counter.

Voted republican but he was very ill at the time

Who, R75, your dog??

We had a Boxer we took to the vet's office. This was before COVID. We're sitting in the waiting room with other folks and they dogs and cats. All of a sudden Jake starts farting. Long, loud, stinky. One after the other. I told the reception desk I was going to wait outside.

My cat peed on the air conditioner in the vet's office while being examined. Like fully emptied his bladder. They said that it had never happened before lol

I was pet-sitting for my brother and sister-in-laws two dogs - one extremely friendly and one extremely shy.

While I sitting on the toilet, I heard the friendly dog whining for me outside the door.

But I was shocked to watch him somehow manage to open the door, come in the bathroom, and lie on the rug while I finished my business.

He continued to do this for the rest of my stay unless I remembered to lock the door.

When I was a kid our dog got out, broke into the neighbor’s house and was found inside their walk-in pantry. He knocked all the boxes of cereal off a shelf and ate it all. The neighbor’s mom called my dad to come get our dog.

R72 cats are carnivores & will die without meat and taurine. My godmother’s cheapo hubby bought their cat dog food bc it’s cheaper. Poor kitty puked nonstop.

r80 How unsecured was your neighbor's home for that to even be possible? Holy hell, lol.

This is still embarrassing even though it’s been many years since it last happened. I was single and every time I was horny and rubbed one out, my cat (RIP) would appear from wherever he was lounging in the house and interrupt me if I forgot to close the door to my bedroom. He would sit there and try to watch, as if he were a voyeur.

Of course I would stop because I felt totally awkward about continuing. I had no problem getting dressed or exiting the shower with him nearby, but this seemed weird. I assumed a neutered cat would have less curiosity about this sort of thing.

Anyone else experience something similar?

This is one of the great DL threads!

No, R83. The only time my cat comes into my small bathroom when I'm in it is when I'm in the tub. He frequently meows and meows like he wants me to get out. Then he goes to the kitchen and starts opening the lower cabinets where there's nothing edible. This is the ONLY "bad" thing he does in my apt (when I'm home). I don't know why he doesn't want me in the bathtub.

Forgot to add - it sounds like the cat is curious and just wants to be around you. He has no idea what you're doing, and being neutered has nothing to do with it, R83.

R85/R86: He was a very affectionate soul. I've raised 3 cats and he was the best. Plus, he never hissed or growled at me, never tried to scratch me. I miss him terribly. I always gave him lots of attention. He loved being held and coddled. He liked to lie on my lap when I was eating a meal. He took naps on my chest. He slept nestled against me every night. Luckily, I don't toss and turn while I sleep.

When he wanted to be alone, which wasn't infrequent, he would go off to another room and chill. He was fine by himself; he wasn't clingy.

In other words, there were plenty of times I was alone because he didn't need to be around me constantly. If I started jacking off (no matter how quietly), he would appear within minutes. Nothing else I did by myself would generate this immediate interest and he was the only cat who behaved like this. So, I had to close the door if I wanted to finish. It all seems silly now, but I thought it was strange at the time.

This poor dog owner...

Sprayed diarrhea all over the place. One of my dogs had a weird quirk where she would startle herself whenever she got a bit gassy and farted. She would take off running. This one particular day, she must have got into something in our back yard that upset her stomach. I think it was these weird mushrooms that were growing at the edge of our yard. She started bolting from room to room spraying diarrhea everywhere, from the living room to the kitchen to the family room, dining room, everywhere. My mom and I had to chase her around the house and tackle her down to get her to calm down.

[quote]I think it was these weird mushrooms that were growing at the edge of our yard.

Apparently that's common for dogs to get into and some may even go looking for them. Can't imagine why. 😏

Oops, meant to post this one. Not that again.

[quote]Nothing else I did by myself would generate this immediate interest and he was the only cat who behaved like this...

R87, he probably gets a kick out your emotions during the activity, nothing more nothing less.

My dog sicked up at a friend's house, luckily on a hard floor where it was easy to clean up and they were not fazed by it but it was still quite embarrassing. He's done plenty of other things but not publicly.

Mine isn’t too embarrassing. I was in a zoom job interview and my cat perched behind me on the sofa. But she has the habit of sticking her laws in the water bowl and then touching me. It’s like her version of a wet willie. So I had no idea she was behind me until I felt a wet paw on my neck and I froze and my eyes got wide and I couldn’t talk for a few seconds.

Haha, r94. Did you get the job? I love seeing dogs and cats on zoom, and I might have been more inclined to hire you if I'd seen your cat in action.

I got the job r95!

Oh yeah, r94. There were a lot of pets photo bombing when lockdowns first started. Newscasters WFH for example: