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I am overwhelmed

Recently I posted in an "I Want to be Underwhelmed" thread that my elderly cat was showing signs of dementia. Well, now she's dying; won't eat, taking water but not using the litter box, confused, can barely move around. A little bit ago she climbed into my arms and dozed. She has never climbed into my arms in all her life and hates to be picked up. Well, I am breaking down now. The last two years have been okay, but the previous ten were a shit show and she was literally the only constant in my life. When I had nothing and no one I still had her. I don't know how I will stand this.

by Anonymousreply 57January 17, 2022 8:47 PM

Please think of what’s best for your little friend and not your emotions. Please consider euthanasia.

by Anonymousreply 1January 7, 2022 12:18 AM

I'm so sorry, OP. Losing a loving companion is always heartbreaking. I'll say a prayer for you :)

by Anonymousreply 2January 7, 2022 12:18 AM

I'm so sorry to hear about your cat, OP. This is obviously a difficult time for both you and her. Unfortunately in situations like this, you must do what is best for the animal regardless of your feelings. It's your duty as a pet parent to ensure she does not suffer more than is absolutely necessary. Please speak with your vet as soon as possible to discuss the best course of action. Kind regards.

by Anonymousreply 3January 7, 2022 12:20 AM

Very sorry, OP.

by Anonymousreply 4January 7, 2022 12:24 AM

In the last few years, I have lost a dog and a cat. The cat died very suddenly of heart failure, and the dog died very slowly of old age (19 yrs). I am so terribly sorry for what you are going through. I wish I could give you a hug. I am going to tell you the truth of how we survived after the dog died: we got another cat 2 months later. Don’t wait long to get a new cat. You need that love and friendship in your life as soon as you can get it back, and there are so many cats who desperately need homes. Don’t stand on ceremony and wait for a “respectable” amount of time. Don’t suffer alone. You have a lot of love to give and you need to give it to another little friend.

by Anonymousreply 5January 7, 2022 12:26 AM

I agree with R3. Please give your sweet friend some peace. Think of her needs and not your own. I know how difficult this is for you; I've been throught it and it was a hard decision to have her put down but it was very peaceful. The vet let me hold her in my arms and I felt her last breath. She was in no pain and I did not regret it. I knew it was the right decision. God bless you, OP, for caring for your sweet friend; she's relying on you to do the right thing.

by Anonymousreply 6January 7, 2022 12:28 AM

OP, my heart aches for you. When my parents' last dog died (the last dog they had during my childhood), I travelled all day just to see him before he was buried. Have your cat seen to as soon as possible and I'm sure the vet will steer you right about what's best for your cat.

by Anonymousreply 7January 7, 2022 12:29 AM

So sorry OP. Our dogs are our children and the thought of anything happening to them is terrifying to me. You sound like a lovely person and I’ll be sending good thoughts your way. You gave your cat a loving home.

I do love how all the nastiness of DL falls away in threads like this. It really says something about the powerful love we share with our animal companions.

by Anonymousreply 8January 7, 2022 12:45 AM

I'm so sorry, OP. It's one of the worst things ever.

by Anonymousreply 9January 7, 2022 12:49 AM

My heart breaks for you, OP.

I cried like a bitch when I lost my dog, losing a pet is very difficult.


by Anonymousreply 10January 7, 2022 12:50 AM

Life is ever changing but we get to keep our memories. The love you felt from and for your cat will always be with you, always.

by Anonymousreply 11January 7, 2022 12:52 AM

I’m joining the chorus to tell you how sorry I am, OP. I empathize with the difficulty in saying goodby to a beloved pet who has been with you through shitty, perilous times.

No words will ease your pain, but I’m sending love your way.

by Anonymousreply 12January 7, 2022 12:58 AM

OP you will get thru this I promise. It’s the worst thing and I remember feeling exactly how you’re feeling when my guy was old and sick. It was completely overwhelming and horrible and I didn’t know what I would do without him. It’s been 6 years since he died and I still miss him dearly, but time heals.

Sending you a lot of love and a big hug.

by Anonymousreply 13January 7, 2022 1:07 AM

as others suggested, if you're able to go to the vet then do it.

if you can't, there are supplements for elderly cats... if you have trouble finding those you can use many of the products for kittens to try to prolong her life until you can find a vet or just to try to make her comfortable.

While the following may be triggering right now, it may help is making funeral plans. I know it sounds like heading into crazy cat person territory but it may help you with your grief. It might be as simple as looking into cremation or as elaborate as you need it to be -- maybe you just want to work on a memory board or create a photo journal, write about how she's helped you in your life and yours in hers. Write down as much as you can remember before she moves on. So it's something you can re-read when you need to feel that closeness and the memories seem hard to reach through the pain. If other people have memories of your cat, ask them to email you their memories about her. Set up a shrine for her full of love, toys, treats, memories - keep it out as long as you need to --- explore funeral rites, there's a wide variety out there. . . find whatever works for you.

but for now, just hold her, love her and do what you can... but just try to keep yourself prepared along the way.

and remember, if you don't want to pay for therapy or your friends are a bit insensitive, you can use crisis chat - free anonymous mental health support for even something like this when you just need someone to listen.

it's going to hurt everyday but the pain becomes a little less noticeable with time (though it can knock you on your arse, sometimes, when you least suspect decades later). you just have to remember all the love you gave her and what it is she provided for you, the good memories, the frustrations.. again, being able to pull out your keepsakes, your written or otherwised recorded memories helps.

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by Anonymousreply 14January 7, 2022 1:13 AM

OP, please promise that you’ll stay with her when she leaves this life. It’s hard, but you will not regret it.

If you decide on cremation, you’ll want to keep her ashes. Trust me on this

by Anonymousreply 15January 7, 2022 1:54 AM

I have been through this several times, OP. I am truly sorry. It is excruciating. But you will grieve, and you will heal. I am just thinking about how lucky your cat is, to have been so cherished and loved all of her life. In her confusion, she still knows you're her safe place/person, hence crawling into your lap. What a beautiful thing. That's all on you. Try to take comfort in that.

Make fun if you must, but I throw tarot cards sometimes. When my last cat died, I pulled cards for the both of us. Hers were so beautiful, all about completion, reward, a life well-lived. Mine were heartache. But I grieved, and I healed, and a few years later, my cat Freda showed up on my balcony right when I had begun to pine for another four-legged friend. All that to say your life will go on, and your ability to love will be rewarded with more animal friends if that's what you wish for.

And I totally get what you mean about your cat seeing you through tough times. Call me a MARY!, but my cats have saved my life multiple times. I don't know what I would have done without them, and I'm so glad I don't have to find out. But, God damn, is it ever hard to say goodbye. All my best to you and your dear feline friend.

by Anonymousreply 16January 7, 2022 3:00 AM

Well, just a small update for anyone who is interested: she is still with us. She rallied a bit, started drinking and using the litter box again, but now she's dozing a lot and getting ready to make her exit. The last few days have been precious to me and I will be forever grateful for them. I've snuggled with her more than in all our years together combined. For those so inclined, a little prayer for her would be appreciated.

by Anonymousreply 17January 9, 2022 2:28 AM

Please don't let her suffer, OP. There are vets who will come to your house to euthanize her.

by Anonymousreply 18January 9, 2022 2:31 AM

Will pray OP.

Sending you hugs.

by Anonymousreply 19January 9, 2022 2:31 AM

OP two months ago I lost my 16 year old cat. She stopped eating and went from 13 lbs to 7. I finally had to put her to sleep. I adopted 2 cats 6 and 9 years old that had been together since the 6 year old was born. They have taken over what I lost but I still think about my original cat all the time. I had her cremated and have her ashes at home.

by Anonymousreply 20January 9, 2022 2:37 AM

Sorry, OP. I've been there. :(

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by Anonymousreply 21January 9, 2022 2:39 AM

Thinking of you, your sweet cat and your family. ❤️

by Anonymousreply 22January 9, 2022 2:50 AM

'Don’t wait long to get a new cat. You need that love and friendship in your life as soon as you can get it back, and there are so many cats who desperately need homes. Don’t stand on ceremony and wait for a “respectable” amount of time. Don’t suffer alone. You have a lot of love to give and you need to give it to another little friend.'

Agree with this. My sister's beloved dog died and she decided to wait a year before getting another out of respect, but after six months later she was still depressed and crying every day and she even tried to take her own life. My mother and I went and found a puppy of the breed she liked and brought him round to her house the day after she was released from hospital. She was fine after that.

by Anonymousreply 23January 9, 2022 2:55 AM

OP, why do you only have 3 posts to your name (two of them on this thread- and none in any Underwhelmed thread, as you claimed)?

by Anonymousreply 24January 9, 2022 3:11 AM

According to my "account" I have 688 replies and started 26 threads, r24. I don't know what you're looking at. 🤷

by Anonymousreply 25January 9, 2022 3:35 AM

R24, who are you? Shelock Shithead?

by Anonymousreply 26January 9, 2022 3:39 AM

Well, she has passed. There seemed to be very little suffering and the last few days she slept almost 24/7. I'm having her body cremated and ordered a box with a nameplate. Thanks to everyone who commented.

by Anonymousreply 27January 12, 2022 1:16 AM

^ BOGO at Petco.

by Anonymousreply 28January 12, 2022 1:18 AM

So sorry for your loss OP :(

by Anonymousreply 29January 12, 2022 1:19 AM


Cry as much as you eant to and feel better soon. Take care of yourself too.

RIP, sweet cat.

by Anonymousreply 30January 12, 2022 1:27 AM

I'm so sorry R27. It sounds like you handled things perfectly.

by Anonymousreply 31January 12, 2022 1:29 AM

So sorry. :(

For you OP:

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by Anonymousreply 32January 12, 2022 1:35 AM

Ack, correct one:

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by Anonymousreply 33January 12, 2022 1:36 AM

Big hug, OP! I understand the pain.

by Anonymousreply 34January 12, 2022 4:06 AM

I’m sorry, OP. My sweet orange boy died a few weeks ago, so I know how you feel. You will have a lot of mixed feelings over the next few weeks. (Happiness he’s not in pain, sadness wondering if you tried everything.)

I’m sending healing thoughts your way.

by Anonymousreply 35January 12, 2022 4:30 AM

Big hugs, OP. Believe me, I know no pain hurts worse.

I agree with R5, but with one caveat - consider your age. An indoor cat fed a good diet and given regular vet care will easily live to be 20. If you may not live another 20 independent years, be sure to have a plan in place for your cat after you go. I live in Italy and was on the online groups for months trying to get a kitten. My heart broke every day, seeing appeals for cats whose elderly owners had died or gone into a nursing home and the heartless relatives who were all too happy to take the apartment, put the poor cat out onto the street or in a colony where it had to fight for food and be attacked by the other cats. In France, the rescue associations have a rule that any cat adopter over 66 must have someone younger sign an attestation showing willingness to take over the care of the adopted cat.

by Anonymousreply 36January 12, 2022 5:04 AM

Sending love your way, OP.

by Anonymousreply 37January 12, 2022 7:03 AM


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by Anonymousreply 38January 13, 2022 3:55 AM

It has only been a couple of days, but I keep checking behind me or underfoot for her before I move. I keep looking for her when I wake up. I keep thinking I will get her a treat when I'm out. It's so quiet at home now, not because she was noisy, but because I used to talk to her all the time.

by Anonymousreply 39January 14, 2022 5:43 AM


My dog died at the end of October. I didn't want him to go, and I am still grieving him, but I knew I had to take him to the vet's office the day he stopped eating and just started looking at me for comfort and peace. Letting them go when it's their time is the final act of love we can give our beloved pets when they are still living. I stayed with him till his last living moments, and he was very conscious of my presence until the very end, when he finally closed his eyes for the last time, seconds before his heart stopped for good.

The night of his death I was so distraught I actually thought about ending my own life. As extreme as that sounds, that was the true extent of the impact of his death. What gives me solace is the knowledge that he only had one day of discomfort, and that I prevented him from suffering any longer than that. He had no awareness of mortality, and he's not sad. He is just out of pain. I'm the one who has that kind of consciousness, and it was brutally hard that first week, and the week after, and certain reminders even now (the first snow of the year, cause he loved snow) will bring tears to my eyes and make my heart will heavy, but we go on with the memories of this amazing unconditional love that's so rare in life.

You'll be in my thoughts. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself during this time of mourning.

by Anonymousreply 40January 14, 2022 6:00 AM

R39 I’m so sorry for your loss & have been there. My car used to sleep with me at night, it took me quite a while to get used to not having her there, snoring away, & waking me up at 3Am every night to walk her to her already filled food dish! Aah, I miss those days.

When you’ve grieved your requisite amount, I’m sure you’ll adopt another kitty into your life.

by Anonymousreply 41January 14, 2022 6:41 AM

r39 One of my dogs recently passed - it was quite sudden and unexpected. It's still surreal. I want to scream , i want to sue, I want someone to pay. it's a reminder of when i lost a cat, her best friend, in the shutdown. so, that wound has opened up again as I torture myself in second guessing everything I could have done. So, all I can do is talk - whisper to her like a prayer and hold those memories close to me because a tear and a quiver of the heart is better than letting the pain set in. just too many things going on. and absurdly, yet, too much free time as well. -- hiding out here, helps. it's a distraction at least, when it becomes too much.

by Anonymousreply 42January 14, 2022 6:53 AM

Yes that quiet when you get home and they aren’t there is extremely difficult. I used to stay out purposely to avoid my apartment after my guy died. Not so easy with covid.

by Anonymousreply 43January 14, 2022 1:43 PM

My dog is 13, and I try not to think too much about being without him.

He is the last link I have to my late husband, and I’m not sure how I’ll continue when he goes,

by Anonymousreply 44January 14, 2022 6:21 PM

R44 you’ll make it thru like the rest of us. I felt the same way about my cat. Try not to worry about that now but I get it.

And DL will be here. Lot of animal lovers on here.

by Anonymousreply 45January 14, 2022 6:47 PM

OP, here's something that I did when my dog died - maybe it will appeal to you, maybe not.

One of the things I was most afraid of was that I would forget all the little things about daily life with my dog - the way he'd react to things I do, his own idiosyncratic habits, the different ways in which my home life was partly built around him. I was afraid that I'd forget all these things, so I decided to write them all down as they occurred to me. I kept paper and pen in my pocket as I did my chores around the house, so that I could write things down stat. (If you decide that you'll just write them down at the end of the day, it's not quite as effective because these things are fleeting thoughts, like expecting to see him in a certain place, etc.). It just felt to me like a nice way of honouring him and how meaningful he had been in my life.

by Anonymousreply 46January 14, 2022 6:52 PM

Yeah, good idea, R46. I miss my childhood beagle, still. Beagle ears are very, very soft and they flap when a beagle shakes its head. That's what I remember about him. Another thing he'd do is walk ahead of me (off leash in the yard) but then look behind him to see if I was still there.

Wish I could remember more little details.

by Anonymousreply 47January 14, 2022 7:00 PM

I'm really sorry, OP. It's really one of the hardest things to endure in life but grief is real and must be suffered when we love.

When one of my cats died, I wanted to die with her. This is a common thought/feeling I think as I've heard others say it. But just take each day at a time and do nice things for yourself right now if you can. Go on walks, eat healthy, etc.

And whatever you do, do NOT rush out to replace the cat. I know far too many people who do this as a way to escape grief. As a society, we need to learn to honor our feelings and feel them...not rush to calm them or make them go away without dealing with them. My last cat died in 2016 and it took until just now for me to feel like I could let another cat into my life. I have a feral cat now who has been my little pandemic buddy for the past two years and she lets me pet her and she comes inside for a bit, then wants to be outside. She's very sweet but I was the first person to pet her so she's skittish. I consider her my cat now even though she's outside most of the time. Pets are so special and you will know when it's the right time if and when you wish to share your life with another one. But please, allow yourself some time to be gentle with yourself and honor your little friend by the tears you shed for her.

by Anonymousreply 48January 14, 2022 7:16 PM

I still haven’t gotten another cat since my guy died in 2016. I just don’t want to go thru that again. Putting him down was horrible.

by Anonymousreply 49January 14, 2022 7:26 PM

If you don't feel better soon, you can ask a doctor for some Ativan. Sometimes the pain doesn't really go away. The death of one of my cats broke my heart. Like someone a few posts ago said, so much questioning and wanting someone to blame. Not knowing what is right. I have other cats now, but I don't know if it will ever be the same for me. (And it took a while for me to want cats again, like someone else said.) I am really broken. But my kids need pets (they do make you a better person). I love them, and really, so what if I can't feel deep love anymore? These cats still need a place to live. Especially the one I found as a kitten. He loves my husband and this house. He loves his younger cat buddy. He loves to eat. I'm going to go clean the cat box now.

by Anonymousreply 50January 17, 2022 4:46 AM

We had our 14.5 year old boy euthanized about six weeks ago. He had a pretty dramatic decline and the vet couldn’t really tell us why. I felt very let down by our vet. I think (after driving myself crazy) our boy had a mild kidney issue (which is what the vet focused on) but must have also had cancer. Cancer is hard to diagnose in cats. I was surprised to learn this the hard way.

My thoughts armed with you, op.

by Anonymousreply 51January 17, 2022 4:55 AM

Are with you

by Anonymousreply 52January 17, 2022 4:56 AM

0/10000000000. Troll posting.

by Anonymousreply 53January 17, 2022 5:18 AM

I am too.

by Anonymousreply 54January 17, 2022 2:29 PM

I'm so sorry, OP, I'm living this same nightmare myself. My 15 year old Himalayan has multiple tumors and weight loss. Surgeries are very risky for her with her other chronic health problems, so we're trying to make a decision soon. It is devastating and I'm mentally spiraling. I hope you and your baby get better.

by Anonymousreply 55January 17, 2022 2:32 PM

The only way I was able to get over the loss of a pet was to get another pet. The minute you have an new cat or kitten in your home, you will fall in love again.

It doesn’t mean you didn’t love a previous pet it just means you have a big heart.

by Anonymousreply 56January 17, 2022 2:36 PM

Still sending love your way, OP!

by Anonymousreply 57January 17, 2022 8:47 PM
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