Having Trouble Getting Hard during Sex

R1 I think I am just in a sexual rut. Usually I have no problem getting it up at any time of day.

No self esteem or you eat shit food or drink too much if you aren't ancient.

Or medication

OP is 78 years young.

I'm in my mid-twenties, which is embarrassing. I am a pescatarian and jog most days. I am staying at his place this weekend and am not going to touch myself until I see him.

Madonna-whore complex? You like him too much to see him as a dirty slut to defile? (Just spit balling)

R8 why do you say that?

Well, it doesn't sound like it's physical so it has to be psychological.

Do some aerobic exercise and see if that improves it--like running.

Also, have you been with anyone else in the mean time? Did it work then?

Has he tried oral on you? That can usually help

R6 - And Chrissy Metz is 400 lbs thin.

R12 Metz, like Jupiter, has acquired about 14 satellites over the years. She's just tonnes of fun.

R8 may be right. OP, do you get hard thinking of other guys?

It's probably just anxiety. Relax, switch off your brain, and let biology run its course.

Your cock just ain't that much into him, OP.

You can't tell your body to feel something it don't.

Ask him if he has a younger brother.

R17, brings up a good point. OP didn't mention physical attraction at all.

Are you actually attracted to him?

Could you . . . see a doctor?

R16 is clearly a dumb girl who has the luxury of just lying there like a corpse. Men actually need to get hard to fuck, dummy.

You need to get your heart checked out, you probably have clogged arteries. Its a sign OP GO TO THE DR.

Get your testosterone checked. But today, go to the corner store/vitamin shop and buy a couple of herbal hardon pills. Read the online reviews, some are more "speedy" than others. See if they work for you.

One time I brought a guy home from the gym and I couldn't get hard. I apologized, he left, I shut the door, and my dick stood straight up. WHY? Because it could, that's why.

Why didn't you call me back inside, R22?

Your body is trying to tell you something. Listen to it. Unless you are on antidepressants or other medication, which can seriously lower your sex drive.

OP, how are the surroundings where you have sex? If it feels like a crack den, then it feels like one. My now ex-boyfriend has absolute hellhole of a house. He let his dog use the living room as a litter box, the smell was putrid. We would only go to his bedroom, which smelled like stale dirty air. A Days Inn has better accommodations than his house. He couldn’t make me cum, and I pertain it to the surroundings. He could’ve been the most romantic person ever, but my senses were made very uncomfortable for the moments we had together. If he’s a clean guy with a decent place and has sex with the lights on, you’re in luck.

Sometimes injecting disinfectants will help.

[quote]Having Trouble Getting Hard during Sex

As opposed to having trouble getting sex when hard

Viagra

OP, maybe it's psychological? You clearly have strong emotional connection and maybe that level of intimacy is making you uncomfortable at some level, which is impacting your physical performance. I'm not a therapist...so just a guess.

[quote] I'm a younger man and have met this amazing guy. We click on every level, have had deep emotional talks about our lives, and aren't really seeing other people. However, I have not been able to get too hard when we have had sex (twice three days apart).

If medications are not the issue. It must be psychological. Maybe you suffer from low self-esteem (I'm not worthy of this amazing guy!), or self loathing issues (you were raised to believe gay sex is wrong). Or maybe, on a subconscious level, you don't think he's the right guy for you at this time.

[quote][R16] is clearly a dumb girl who has the luxury of just lying there like a corpse. Men actually need to get hard to fuck, dummy.

If there's no physiological reason, it's psychological. 90% of cases, in my experiences as a psychotherapist, it's some sort of (performance) anxiety.

You can order cialis online and have it at your house in a few days.

I was with someone who had the same problem. I really into him, so I was patient. The first time we were together and it didn't happen, I was very upset and thought it was me. My ego took a hit.

We talked about it the next day, and he was upfront about his anxiety. I understood and I saw him again. Same thing happened, but we still had a good time and I was very gentle with him. He liked to cuddle, I'm not a cuddlier, but it made him feel at ease.

Long story short, after quite a few times together, I gave him so much confidence ,he was able to overcome his anxiety and he left me for someone else.

Moral of the story....please don't do to someone else what he did to me.

Are you self-conscious about something or something about your body... maybe?

Some good advice. Here are my follow up comments:

I grew up in a small town where being gay was definitely wrong. If you're gay, they you have an HOV lane straight to hell.

I definitely feel he is too good for me. I think he is very cute and attractive. He makes me feel attractive and great, too. Up until him, I have never really had anyone treat me (romantically) the way he does. I don't mind myself very attractive or a catch and he told me I need to let him love and take care of me the way I deserve.

But I am looking for a long term relationship. I was build to think long term. I'm not a hook up type of guy. Him and I are so intimate and I love being close to him, pleasing him, etc. I feel bad that he thinks it is him.

I do get hard seeing model-type guys and porn videos. My usual masturbation technique is to jack off or hump the bed (please no judgement). I tense up a little when he grabs me.

This is also both of our second time ever having sex with someone else and neither of us has ever been penetrated. He is in medicine and has made the comment about my prostate (he said he can get me there easy, but I better be clean).

Sorry for the long reply. I just do not know how to fix this problem.

I really just need to calm down. I can't just turn my brain off.

OP- I have trouble getting SEX. What you have is the equivalent of rich people problems.

OP is it because both of you are Tops or Bottoms? Or maybe there is no sexual chemistry for your side though he is attractive. Maybe his body odor or lack of it is triggering the issue. Or maybe you are so intent on pleasing him that you are not getting an erection as that is not your goal. I am not attractive at all and actually, lots of gay men of all stripes have called me ugly to my face. But I have met some really attractive guys and I did not have an issue. So it is probably the intent of pleasing him rather than being pleased as you think you are not worthy of him is what probably is causing the issue.

I don’t know, OP. Maybe you’re just not turned on by him, y’know? Broccoli is good for you too but it’s not much of a turn on. Or maybe you’re anxiety is related to the newness of it all. I think rather than thinking about fitness models, you should put your attention on him. I also don’t think either one of you should be pursuing anal sex atm - given the current circumstances, that would be a disaster. You boys need to slow down and locate the present moment and stay there until it moves forward naturally.

I mean, when I was in my 20s just the thought of a warm body could get me hard but I’ve known people your age who suffer a lot of anxiety. Maybe that’s what this experience has revealed to you and as others have suggested you should see a doctor and maybe a therapist. Maybe it’s time to start doing that work.

There’s also Cialis which would be fine but I don’t think this should be the long-term solution as there is more here to find out.

R37 I know there a ton more problems in the world (starving children, lack of COVID tests, but a spike in cases, inflation, foreign policy, etc). But I am asking gay men on a gay forum website a question about sex.

R38 I am attracted to him. I love his smile and how he makes me feel. I think I might not be so "submissive" you know?

R39 Definitely. I agree we should slow down. I am not going to try and stimulate anything until I see him next. It's like I have to be showered, awake, and have had a few cups of coffee before I'm ready. My libedo is Murray from accounting lol

Is either of you a fatty?

R41 no, we are both about 5'7/5'9 and around 150 lbs.

Gurl, I can make men get hard and cum that haven't in years.

Venus, Mars, Neptune stellium in Scorpio, 5th house.

I should make them pay.

R43 Nice! My Venus and Mars are in Aries and Virgo. Neptune in Capricorn. This is why I cannot relax. He is a Cancer.

[quote]I'm in my mid-twenties, which is embarrassing. I am a pescatarian and jog most days. I am staying at his place this weekend and am not going to touch myself until I see him.

So, self esteem then.

virgo could make you overthink. nep in cap could make you not open up.

watch a movie on the couch. no expectations and let whatever happen.

R46 That's what I would like, but he doesn't own a TV or a couch. His apartment is two desks, several bookshelves, and the bedroom/bathroom/closet.

He just works and reads when home. But he is in the medical field, so he is on call a lot. Ergo, we hang out at his place more. (He has to be by his computer in case he gets a call).

[quote]People with porn addiction may also place an unhealthy amount of pressure on their performance during intercourse which significantly affects their sexual experience. While they’re constantly watching people engage in sex, this person may find that their sex lives may feel less satisfying.

Stop watching porn, or cut him loose so he can find somebody else, who is not addicted to porn.

R48 I'm not addicted to porn. I watch maybe once every three weeks.

Thanks for the tips and advice.

Join the club

You should be hard already. No one should have to 'get you hard'.

It's not working; just be girlfriends.

After all your explanations, we can only assume you're a loser, Op

[quote]My Venus and Mars are in Aries and Virgo. Neptune in Capricorn.

Maybe it's a testosterone issue, after all.

My first query was going to be porn use. That is a big issue for a lot of guys now, especially younger ones, the brain gets used to the hyper stimulation of flipping between hardcore porn vids, that actually one-to-one sex isn’t getting the brain and dick stimulated enough. Sounds like it’s more likely to be a psychological thing, maybe you’re giving yourself performance anxiety, or maybe you have unresolved body image issues or something. I’ve had all the above at various points. You’ll work it out. Good luck.

I don't want him to leave me over this though. I'm very attached. I think he is too. He has made comments like "if we adopt children, err if I ever adopt a child..." and other subtle comments like that.

I think you having sex has become such a huge thing in your mind that it's acting like a blockage. You need to talk to your guy about this and ask him to give you time and be patient. No shame in that. Also, touch him a lot, cuddle, kiss, watch tv in each other's arms, just allow yourself to get gradually used to his body and eventually the problem will resolve itself. You're just too inexperienced and anxious, that's all. Good luck.

I think you’ll be fine OP. It’s really nice you’ve found someone you like so much.

The onset of heart failure as your blood vessels are getting constricted and not enough blood flow to your dong during an erection. If you are doing extreme workouts, taking quack supplements, being deprived of sleep, just stop them all. You need to sleep a lot for the heart.

Try mangoes?

Aww you're babies! You've had sex twice before!?

You need to practice, "putting on the night moves". You just have to lay in bed one sunny morning and learn each other's bodies. Like you're 18 year olds. Just take turns with each other and go slow and explore. It's adorable! How new and exciting.

Play Lou Rawls in the background

“Having trouble getting hard” while laughed at as a somewhat superficial problem by some, is no laughing matter in a relatively young man. It’s actually one of the early, oft-ignored signs of cardiovascular problems. As men, our smaller vessels are often the first ones being affected by cardiovascular disease, the smaller vessels get clogged up or impaired before the bigger ones that eventually may cause M.I.

Early CV disease is often overlooked as a cause in erectile dysfunction especially in younger men. Particularly if the man looks fit physically. However, being physically fit outwardly doesn’t always correlate with what’s going on internally. I’ve had more gym rats, dude bro types as patients in the past, say, 10 years or so, who were diagnosed with fatty liver disease and hyperlipidemia among other conditions. I’m a DNP who did most of my training as FNP with an internal medicine physician. He was big on the link (supported by studies) between newly onset erectile dysfunction and early signs of CV disease.

Anyways, these were young guys (45 and under) who followed hardcore paleo/ very low carbs/ high fat diets for few years. Sometimes when you dig deeper into other symptoms, newly onset erectile dysfunction was one of them. Most were too embarrassed to mention it to their healthcare providers.

I would suggest you get a full physical exam that includes full set of labs. CBC w/ diff, CMP, full liver panel, lipid panel, CRP, these are just basics to get a better picture of your health.

Quit porn, OP

Try ass eating

[quote]I would suggest you get a full physical exam that includes full set of labs. CBC w/ diff, CMP, full liver panel, lipid panel, CRP, these are just basics to get a better picture of your health.

If OP can't get hard on his own, then yes, I'd say, see a doctor. Otherwise, it's psychological.

We’ve never had this problem but then our actia involves copious of fresh warm FUDGE!

eat some mushrooms

R63 interesting. What about a "some ed when performing but rock hard every morning without fail“ type of situation and cardiovascular disease?

In other words r63, wouldn’t morning wood be a better indicator for your diagnosis, since it isn’t psychological/sexual arousal-related?

Connor? Connor Jessup? Is that you?

I had something similar happen to me. It was a psychological block. No bad things happened to me when I was young. Expectations is generally what the problem was. Performance Anxiety. Talk to your doctor and ask for some 100mg Sildenafil. They’re cheap especially when you use GoodRx.

The chat with a sex therapist. Sounds like performance anxiety. You like him a lot and you’re scared of “not performing to his expectations”.

My 2 cents

Frottage. Bump pussies!

[quote] I'm in my mid-twenties, which is embarrassing. I am a pescatarian and jog most days. I am staying at his place this weekend and am not going to touch myself until I see him.

See a urologist. Erectile dysfunction at your age could be a sign of a physiological issue.

You’re a bottom OP

R75 Truth. Tops never have problems getting er up. Bottoms can never keep it up. That is not psychological, it is purely biological.

So all the "tops" I've been with, who have 10" long cocks that they can't keep hard are really..."bottoms"? O-kay.

I guess Ken Ryker was a bottom all along...

Horse cocks are a different beast altogether, cunt. For one, they are disgusting.

I bet it’s a lot of jerking off.

Do you get normal hardons when you jerk off or when you wake up in the morning? If so, it’s likely just psychological. Go have sex with a hookup and see if you continue to have the problem

There is absolutely nothing "psychological" about a bottom being unable to get hard.

A couple of things. Before him, did you watch a lot of porn? You can condition yourself to only become aroused like that. It could be physical. Go to a sex shop and get some over-the-counter hard-on pills. Most of them contain viagra just not legally but work just the same. If htat works you could have some form of ED.

Your diet is good, you are healthy and young, do you get hard normally? LIke thinking about fucking him does that get you hard? What turns you on in your head?

Do you watch a lot of porn? It can desensitise you to real life situations. If you do, try having a break, and concentrate on having a relaxed, affectionate time with your partner without pressure to perform. If the situation persists you should discuss it with a therapist. You are too young to be stuck with this.

[quote]Truth. Tops never have problems getting er up. Bottoms can never keep it up. That is not psychological, it is purely biological.

Correct; the top's dick usually isn't thick enough to hit the right button. Physiological.

Or biological. Whatever you want to say.

OP: Clogged arteries, blood vessels. That's why Viagra "works". It helps dilate blood vessels.

r85 no Viagra relaxes the smooth muscle of the penis and the muscles in artery walls to allow blood flow. It also is a pDES inhibitor meaning it keeps that blood flow going to help maintain an erection.

CLOGGED ARTERIES ! GO TO THE DOCTOR !

I stayed over last night. He found my sweet spot on my neck. I came almost immediately.

r88 you went from no boner to premature ejaculation? Bravo!

R89 seriousness or sarcasm?

You are straight Op

Sorry for the joke response. I read the thread and want to offer a more sincere one. You indicated that this is just a 2nd partner for both of you and in your previous relationships neither were penetrated. I don't want to assume it's limited sexual experience because you could have been with one guy for 2 years. If that is the case you both seem to identify as tops. Maybe your body is trying to let you know in this situation you are to be the bottom.

If it's early in your sexual experience if you are exclusively top or bottom or in-between but in this relationship your dick is letting you know. Nice that things are heating up with you two but after the weekend, just try and jack off without him there to make sure it's not something physical once that is resolved, I think you can find your way through it. Take your time and have open communication. Seems like it could be the real deal.

R28 - “ Viagra”

R28 for the win. Put your emotions and hang ups aside gentleman, and take the Viagra.

r90 Serious. You went from I can't get it up with him to him finding your spot and causing you to blow..Bravo!

and you old folks thinking a 2o something has cholesterol problems...oy!

OP here giving updates. Sometimes I feel like I'm being really difficult and he just accommodates me. I feel really bad about it and try to discuss it, but he tells me I want to discuss too much. He says I just need to enjoy our time together and stop working about everything.

I'm a Virgo, he is a Cancer.

R96- The Politically Correct name for Cancer is Moon Children

Stop being such a frau, OP!

Concentrate on the cock ffs!

OP, again, your problem is due to poor blood flow. Have your doctor check for good/bad cholestrol (HDL, LDL, etc), plus triglyceride levels.

FYI Yesterday I had no problems. He stayed at my place Friday night and left a few toiletries on purpose.

r100 I don't think he has any problems are reported. Just needed to get over the hump so to speak.

R101 Yes. I have been very stressed out.

How embarrassing for you. Such things don't happen to REAL men.

R102 Stop watching so much porn and avoid 'death grip' masturbation techniques. Death grip masturbation and excessive porn consumption can cause erectile dysfunction. Visit 'Your Brain On Porn' dot com to learn more. Read the book of the same name by Gary Wilson.

OP will be fine - he has a boyfriend he loves and they are fucking and it sounds lovely to be honest. Very sweet.

Anyway. NEXT.

All this Covid stress is not helping. I’ve gone through the cycles of complete disinterest to the point of being asexual to throwing myself at anything that moved and back again.

It’s definitely due to the isolation/stress/duress etc..

I don’t think our bodies are designed to want to breed during a pandemic. You body is like: just survive this dude and we can have some fun later!

R105 love? I am definitely falling for him. It is so easy.

He is a pediatrician and I am a law student. He is so nurturing and kind. He also wants me to succeed and believes I can do anything I set my mind to.

It's either he's not physically appealing to you or you're having some cardiovascular problem.

Oh I thought you said you loved him. MY BAD.

Lol but seriously what is the issue at this point? You said you fucked him the other night with no problem.

Seems like fake complaining about your sweet and supportive doctor boyfriend. Boo hoo. Some of us have actual problems…? Get ahold of yourself.

R110 I was having problems getting hard. But it was just a bad penis month I guess.

I doubt if OP is even a man. Just a troll.

Carrie’s taste is in her arse. It’s amazing what some women will do to get close to power.

R110 What are your actual problems?

I am troubled because I am having a hard time getting sex.

I just saw an article somewhere about a guy who used that expanding foam you use in home repair, spraying it in his partner's urethra to try and make him stay hard. The poor guy ended up losing the use of his penis.