Let's Be an episode of Murder, She Wrote

I'm the terrible blonde actress that is the daughter of a washed up 1940's character actor.

Obviously, I'm the murderer. And everyone (except the bumbling policeman) figured out it was me in the first act.

Formula: the murderer is either Lansbury's oldest friend in the guest cast, or the actor playing that person's immediate family member.

I'm Angela Lansbury shaking my head reproachfully when the killer reveals his motivation.

I'm the obvious gay "straight" character.

I am Jessica's cooking that Seth cannot refuse. How would things ever get done without that apple pie?

I'm Misses Blaine and Luft.

I'm Mendocino Ca., not so cleverly disguised as Cabot Cove.

I'm the light-hearted humor at the end of the episode.

I'm pastel-colored leisure wear with popped collars, much favored by the wardrobe department.

I'm the piece of bacon William Windom thoughtfully chews right before he says, "MURDER!"

I'm a niece/nephew. I'm not a killer, but I will be arrested before the hour ends.

I'm my mom telling me who all the old stars were and a little bit of corresponding gossip. As a kid this used to annoy me, but I'd murder she wrote all of you for 15 minutes on the couch again with my mom

I'm the people Jessica Fletcher kills just to give herself something to do and get the attention she craves while pretending to "solve" the mystery and pin it on someone innocent who once annoyed her by, say, cutting her off in traffic or the supermarket.

OP writes,

“ Let's Be…”

Ourselves!

I agree.

I'm Betsy Palmer wishing I would have gotten something as good as Murder, She Wrote. Instead I got Friday the 13th Part I and II.

But, Betsy, you had a better ass.

I'm the out-of-tune piano played at the beginning of the theme song.

I'm Jessica Fletcher's look-a-like British cousin. Angela Lansbury plays me as brassy and bawdy.

I'm the pervading feeling that one has hit the rock bottom as a working actor.

I'm the tired guest star thinking, "At least on "The Love Boat" I would have gotten a free trip."

I am actress Madlyn Rhue. I played Ricardo Montalban's love interest in the original Star Trek episode Space Seed. I got MS and could only work in very limited situations. Angela Lansbury created the role of Cabot Cove librarian for me because she heard I was about to lose my SAG medical insurance. She gave me two episodes every season, which kept me eligible for medical insurance.

I'm Jean Simmons, guest starring in season five. I play a fellow crime writer who's known Jessica for years but is surprised to discover she's famous for solving murders.

I’m Dl fave Thom Bierdz, playing 2 different roles a year apart. Ironic that I’m on the show so soon after my brother murdered our mother. Luckily, the plot lines of the show didn’t even come close to reality.

R21 that was so kind of Angela to do that to look out for her friend/fellow actress that way. I've no idea how close they were but that's a rare kindness you don't often see from celebrities these days.

I'm the Christmas episode set in Cabot Cove. I have the distinction of being the only episode where no one actually dies!

I'm also the 12 fruitless Emmy nominations for Dame Angela

I'm Fionnula Flanagan. I plat Jessica's Irish friend/cousin. I pop up in a couple of episodes, playing different characters. Sunny California standing in for not so sunny Ireland.

I'm the vertical wattles on Angela's neck casting shadows under the studio soundstage lights on some guest actors' faces here, distorting the view of some furniture set pieces there..

I'm the creepy male secretary Jessica hires against her better judgment in one of the earliest episodes. The episode does not end with a cute freeze on Jessica, but one that says, "she's afraid of this guy."

I’m Seth. I’m an old fart curmudgeon and can’t be happy about anything except for pie.

I’m Cabot Cove, population 3,560. For over a decade, I was the murder capital of the world.

I’m Midsomer. I’m the murder capital of Europe and not too far from where Jessica vacationed in Ireland.

Coincidence?

I'm the coroner and I just bought my third yacht.

are you stressed at this point in the thread?....... take a moment DL

I’m the 274 murders that took place from 1984-1996.

I’m the old fashioned manual typewriter in early seasons replaced by the new fangled personal computer in later seasons.

R29 you are from the second episode filmed, I believe! The one that gives us Jessica firing a gun (that springs "BANG") and being pushed down the stairs, both of which are used in the opening credits for YEARS.

YOU are sinister closeup of said creepy (sexy) secretary, who apparently has a thing for (rich) older women..

I'm the friend who invites Jessica over only to find (yet again) that when she visits a murder occurs.

[quote]I’m Dl fave Thom Bierdz, playing 2 different roles a year apart. Ironic that I’m on the show so soon after my brother murdered our mother. Luckily, the plot lines of the show didn’t even come close to reality.

Guest stars appearing as two different characters in quick succession was a common occurrence, R23. Jeff Conway played three different characters, appearing in four episodes all together.

[quote]I'm the creepy male secretary Jessica hires against her better judgment in one of the earliest episodes. The episode does not end with a cute freeze on Jessica, but one that says, "she's afraid of this guy."

Wasn't that episode actually filmed on location( in Seattle), R29. A rare occurrence for Murder, She Wrote.

I'm nephew Grady. I'm the one that gave her book to a publisher and got her writing career started yet I was dropped after Season 7 and only came back once in season 11. My poor wife never got to come back.

I'm Dale Robertson. I'm the only actor to ask for special billing and when I didn't get it, I went uncredited for my back to back episodes

We're the Emmy voters, pretending that we actually watched episodes of MSW, nominating Angie year after year but always voting for Cagney or Lacey to win.

I'm Angela Lansbury's envy of the success of Friends and the subsequent Friends parody episode.

I'm the Lansbury/Shaw family. We took over the show in season 9 and destroyed it. We put Angela in her Hillary pantsuits. We started using nobody guest stars. We made Jessica a cold, New Yorker instead of an English teacher from Maine.

I'm the Estate of Agatha Christie, carefully looking for copyright infringements....

I’m Barnaby Jones, Ben Matlock, Father Dowling and Dr. Mark Sloan. We think JB is a frigid cunt.

I'm the Magnum P.I. crossover episode.

I hate you, r47. You're the one episode of MSW I don't have the complete story for.

I am the not-so-convincing stand-in for Lansbury in all of her going into buildings scenes in exotic or distant cities. She never left LA, except for the rate episode in Mendocino.

"rare" episode.

I'm the rides Jessica keeps bumming from the local townsfolk, because she refuses to buy a car.

I'm the episode where Jessica helps out a dear, old friend.

Narrow THAT down, bitches!

I’m Caleb pronounced as Kah-lib.

[quote]I am the not-so-convincing stand-in for Lansbury in all of her going into buildings scenes in exotic or distant cities. She never left LA, except for the rate episode in Mendocino.

And it seems so cheap when you consider how popular Murder, She Wrote still is.

R49 I think even the Cabot Cove episodes were filmed on the back lot too.

I'm the hasty rewrite of the double episode that closed Season 5, with Jean Simmons as Jessica's nemesis. I originally was written to end the series before they seduced Angela to sign on the dotted line.

R54 Since Angela used her MSW bucks to buy a holiday home in Ireland she could have at least filmed them on location!

I'm 212-124-7199, Jessica's telephone number in her typical-for-TV, unrealistically large, New York apartment. The episode writer tried to be clever and avoid using a 555 exchange, but we all know that exchanges never begin with a 0 or a 1, and it just seemed stupid.

Did Jessica buy or rent her NY apartment?

I am the fans that like Jessica in New York City

I am the lunch she won’t pay because she has to run!

I'm the maid, when the episode in set in a hotel. Give me any flimsy excuse as to why you don't have a key to the room. I'll let you in, no questions asked.

I'm Seth, trying on Jessica's unmentionables when I'm meant to be watering her plants (she's never home!)

I'm Jessica's Frequent Flyer Air Miles

I'm the Cabot Cove sheriff du jour. Somebody has to play the fool...

[quote]I'm 212-124-7199, Jessica's telephone number in her typical-for-TV, unrealistically large, New York apartment.

I don't think the size was the problem(given Jessica's success and the era). It was the shape. Seriously after all those seasons, that was the best the production designers could come up with?

[quote]Formula: the murderer is either Lansbury's oldest friend in the guest cast, or the actor playing that person's immediate family member.

Actually, that's not true. The murderer was very rarely Jessica's oldest friend, and when they were, it stood out from other episodes.

It's the same with the number of nieces and nephews she had. She really didn't have that many; the actual problem with the show was the very large number of close friends she had in a variety of professions who lived all over the states(and the world). And they were always close friends. "Jessica I need some advice, and you're the [italic]only[/italic] person I can turn to."

Well, naturally, R66! We all have a very, very close personal friend who is a substitute school teacher in a tiny town in a flyover state. I mean, who doesn't?

[R29] [R37] I caught that episode on TV today. I liked the ending, it was quite dark. The male secretary (Andrew Stevens, better known as Casey Denault in Dallas) declares his love for Jessica but she brushes him off. When Jessica turns away his expression hardens into one that suggests he's been thwarted. I don't think he had murder in mind, but he was after her money.

I'm the random observation made by one of the supporting cast. It causes everything to fall into place for Jessica, prompting her to exclaim "That's it!"

I'm the season four opener in Paris, the only time they ever left the country.

[quote]I am the lunch she won’t pay because she has to run!

Yes, she was always doing that!

I'm the large clip-on earring taken off to answer a phone call.

A minor point in Act I, the solution will hinge on me in Act 4.

I'm Tom Bosley. I had a great recurring gig as Sheriff Amos Tupper. It was nice doing television for a bit.

You also jumped ship when you were offered "The Father Dowling Mysteries," r73.

You also became a Jew for Jesus 4 Pay.

Like hell he jumped ship! He upstaged me once too often and stole a laugh.

I'm the Hollywood Walk of Fame that is strangely outside the "Broadway theatre" where Jessica Fletcher's Mainly Murder" is premiering in NYC

I’m Jessica’s various hotel rooms which curiously all have the same layout as her New York apartment…

I'm Thomas Magnum, terrified that she's going to drive again.

I am the typewriter Magnum promises he won't buy if Jess agrees not to get a P. I. license

I’m Ethan Cragg from the first few episodes. I will soon be forgotten about and Seth Hazlitt will take my place.

I'm Jessica's smirk as she reveals to Magnum that SHE is Robin Masters, and that he should go pack up his things.

I'm Robert Hays, long suffering hunk. Can I play murderer? Pretty please?

I’m her musty old snatch, which never saw any action or got diddled in 12 seasons.

I'm all the circumstantial evidence that would never hold up in court.

I'm Frank, the reason Seth Hazlitt put saltpeter in his food.

I'm Bodega Bay, California as Cabot Cove, Maine.

I am Tom Selleck's wet swim suit clad butt as he gets out of the pool in that cross-over episode. Jessica can't help but steal a look. Who wouldn't?

I'm the screenwriter who suggested we do something different for a season opener and make Jessica the murder victim. The ex-screenwriter that is.

R88 did you not complete the 7th season episode "Who Killed J. B. Fletcher?".

Honestly I doubt anyone would be shocked Jess was snuffed out while sticking her beak in to a killa's business.

R89 Different plot but they kept my title. And didn't pay me a dime. Bastards.

I'm Preston Giles, one of the few to make Jessica's lady parts tingle. Too bad she had to bust me for double murder, the minx!

I'm Jessica identifying herself with her author's photo on the back of a book

I am her and/or Frank's incredibly fecund siblings. We have left one dear niece/nephew in every major US metropolitan area for Jessica to visit.

I'm the mom jeans.

I'm the questionable Maine accents.

I'm the Criminology class Jessica teaches in later seasons.

I'm Jessica's inconsistent level of fame. Sometimes she was a household name, other times nobody knew who she was.

R97 to be fair, she was a murder mystery/thriller writer. Not everyone reads that genre.

It's like saying I have heard of Mary Higgins Clark or John Grisham, but I could not pick them out from a crowd.

I'm the former leading lady of a film in which Angie was just as a supporting player forty years earlier. I am ruing how the tables have turned yet grateful for these crumbs she's willing to dish out to me

I'm Ruth Roman as the gravel voiced Loretta, beauty parlor proprietoress.

R99 Gloria Stuart

Lob-STAH? Mur-DAH? Clam Chow-DAH?

DIdn't this damn show take place in Maine?? My mother loved it.

^I my name wasn't even in the title cards.......

I'm Grant Goodeve in a Speedo in the same episode with Andrew Stevens.

I'm Seth's parking tickets, never paid!

We’re the KGB and we fall for Jessica’s patrician busybody charms like everyone giving her free license to gallivant over Cole War Moscow.

I'm the FUPA.

I'm Angela giving the voiceover "Tonight, on Murder, She Wrote"

Followed by the thrilling sequences to mindfuck you the entire episode.

We are all the the FUPA.

I'm Jessica's Criminology qualifications given her the credentials to teach at a prestigious New York University

I’m the American actors trying to pull off an Irish accent, and failing badly. Begosh and begorrah!

I am one of the hasbeens and poor c-list actors who make up the bulk of the guest stars.

I'm Murder Takes the Bus (Season 1 Episode 18). The only episode with a genuine "all star cast"

Angela Lansbury

Tom Bosley

Rue McClanahan

Larry Linville

Linda Blair

Michael Constantine

Don Stroud

David Wayne

I'm also in the top three episodes of the entire series.

I’m Queen Latifah starring in the reboot ‘Murder, She Rapped.’

I'm Eudora McVeigh polishing my apples. I'll teach that pesky J. B. who is the real Queen of Crime!

Too bad there was never a cross-over with Remington Steele. Jessica and Mildred could have teamed up.

I'm the mud pie Angie received after criticizing the aborted remake.

I'm the show's strict adherence to the whodunnit formula, never a howdunnit or whydunnit. It is much appreciated.

I'm the staircase set also much re-used.

I'm the exposition-filled ride from the airport.

I'm the sign on the Sheriff's wall warning of the dangers of Marijuana!

I'm two-time guest star and then-aspiring actor Bill Maher, who did a surprisingly hot shirtless scene.

Sadly, I'm the dozens of hot, young, gay actors who got small speaking roles on the show but died of AIDS before our careers could really take off.

Angie always did appreciate a bit of eye candy on her sets.

I'm the comfy knitwear and slacks Jess slips into when back in the Cove. So good to be out of those pantsuits!

I'm the dim-witted, red-haired deputy sheriff with the strong accent.

I'm the end of episode freeze frame with Lansbury caught in a open mouth laugh.

I'm the barbitals thrown into Mrs Fletcher's Chowder, giving the series its longest ever title.

I’m one of the few people who told the nosy old battleax to mind her own business!

I’m an actor or actress cast as one of Jessica’s endless lists of nieces and nephews. How many siblings did she have?

I’m Ramon. I will show you my hoochie coochie.

I am Mrs. Fletcher's angry look at the killer. I auditioned but never got cast. She never needed my services. Disapproving Look and Disappointed Look got all the good shots after the murder finally confessed.

I'm the song that the title plays on and viewers never got.

I'm the "Off to the rape house for you, you murdering piece of shit!" line which was oddly edited from the original script ending.

I’m Jessica being asked what kind of computer she would like, and her response, ‘something in a nice beige’.

I’m the police officer who had to enter without a warrant to hide in the wings while Jessica confronts the murderer.

I’m Abdul, her New York bellboy

[quote] "I'm the season four opener in Paris, the only time they ever left the country."

They DID film partially in Ireland for "The Celtic Riddle", R70. But that was one of the post-series films.

I'm the distinctive Art Nouveau font used in the show's logo, and credits sequences.

I’m the clam chowder that poisoned everyone except Jessica.

R139 you also didn't poison Doc Hazlitt and Amos' sister-in-law

I’m annual episodes: a Soviet defection one, an Italian mob one, an Irish one, and an adaptation of Jessica’s novels one.

I’m Jessica’s inability to drive. I force her to hitch rides where I can press the driver for dirt.

I’m the bag lady in the pilot.

I'm Angela's make-up lady. I shudda won a prize.

We are trans BIPOC and are mad as hell that this show went deliberately out of its way to EXCLUDE us. To exclude us and pretend we don't exist is literal violence.

This show was cultural appropriation at its most hideous. The first mystery ever was solved by a courageous trans Black woman but cis white people have stolen the entire jandra from brave BIPOC folks.

Lame, R145.

I’m Cousin Emma, giving Lansbury a chance to mug and sing to her heart’s content.

[quote] I’m annual episodes: a Soviet defection one

Oh I remember you. You and your siblings in every damn show of the 80s.

And I am this actress in every single one of them

I'm nephew Grady's borderline BDE, which made watching this tripe acceptable for horny gay teens visiting grandma in the 1980's.

I'm The Corpse Flew First Class (Season 3. Episode 12)

I'm a damn good episode with some great actors:

Angela Lansbury

David Hemmings

Kate Mulgrew

Pat Harrington Jr.

James Shigeta (Mr. Takagi from Die Hard)

I'm the same actors in multiple roles

I'm the shotgun rigged in the wardrobe, cleverly designed to give killer Kate Mulgrew an alibi!

I'm the strikingly handsome victim of that episode, R151. Sadly, I was another of those up-and-coming young hotties who died young...

I’m The Corpse Danced at Midnight — Jessica’s first and most famous novel. To think I’d still be in that shoebox if Grady hadn’t stolen it and showed it to his box.

*boss

I'm the guy born and bred in Cabot Cove who finally had to move to protect myself and my family. Got to where there was a murder a week. And she was running out of victims.

I'm the grief over losing Frank. If it weren't for me Jess wouldn't have created R155 and become a famous writer.

As Seth pointed out, if Frank hadn't died Jessica wouldn't spend half her life chained to a typewriter and the other half gallivanting across the world!

I'm Thursday's Child -- the closest the show came to an Emmy-bait episode -- aiming for a Best Actress for Lansbury.

I'm the tears in R159 when Jess thought Frank had cheated on her. Somehow she knew it wasn't true.

I'm the television in the bathtub, a delightfully dated murder method favored by the writers.

I'm the horny male viewers hoping for a glimpse of tit when R161 happens. Never happens

I'm Lainie Kazan in the Falcon Crest themed-episode Crimson Harvest. My son has just been murdered and his killer is yet to be caught, but I'm just happy to see my friend Jessica and looking forward to this year's vintage.

I'm Florence Henderson as Patti Sue Diamond, an old college roommate of Jess' now an aging country singer.

^How many college roommates did Jessica have?

R165 about 50 that's she is still "dear old friends" with.

Everything from Politicians, to best selling writers, millionaires, musicians, artists, fashion designers, businesswomen, abused wives...

I'm Harvey Fierstein playing a character with an ex-wife.

Why not? Jessica is a terrific friend, if you put aside the pesky murder thing.

Did nosy old Jessica ever realize that Gee, wherever I go, there’s a murder.

I'm Jerry Orbach.

I am Jessica Fletcher's family tree.

I'm the fun chemistry between Michael Hagarty and Jessica Fletcher. Their adventures were some of the most exciting.

Of course Harvey had an EX wife. Many, many gay men did back then. And a kid or two. An ex-wife doesn't make you straight any more than having experimented with a guy makes you gay.

I'm Angie's accent - Part British, part American, and a dash of Irish thrown in there, but certainly nothing New England about it. It's as mottled as Pierce Brosnan's tan.

I’m the bad performance by Angela of her cousin.

I’m Jessica’s vibrator, hidden underneath her pillow.

I'm Seth's vibrator, hidden underneath his pillow.

I'm Adele, Mort's wife. You never get to see me but know I'm a ball-busting bruiser. Most Cabot Covers think I'm a gobshite

But she has an ENORMOUS vibrator, hidden underneath her pillow!

And I'm sure she needs to use it regularly to keep herself stretched out so Mort doesn't rip her apart. There's a reason why Deputy Andy Broom walks funny...

I am the children watching with their grandparents and have not idea that the hens in the beauty salon were the pride of the studio system.

I'm an abacus, you need me to calculate the number of back alley, illegal abortions the hens in the beauty salon had when they were the pride of the studio system.

I'm special guest star John Astin

I'm the one where they solved (in the present) the plot of an old movie that starred Jeffrey Lynn and Martha Scott, and they used the old footage, and cast the same stars. They had to change the ending of the movie to an unsolved murder but it was an interesting idea.

I'm Jessica Fletcher's houseplants. We keep dying because the bitch is too busy poking around murder scenes to water us, but the idiot townsfolk keep giving her more plants because "That's what old ladies like!"

R185 you were meant to be cared for by Dr Seth Hazlitt MD but he's too busy upstairs wanking over Jessica's granny panties

I flipped on an episode the other day. Jessica really was a nosy old battleaxe, wasn’t she. Someone should have offed her.

R187 depends, what was she doing in the episode?

I'm the guest appearance by Bruce Jenner.

I'm the pretty high probability that one of the early episodes will star someone from Dallas.

Catching a few episodes at random I've noticed: Andrew Stevens (Casey Denault) ; John Beck (Mark Grayson); and Morgan Brittany (Katherine Wentworth).

I'm Angela/Jessica's big boobs that she uses to boss everyone around with...

"Excuse me, Sargent..."

R189 -I recently came across that episode and the blurb on the website identified the guest as Caitlyn Jenner... I guess I'm weird, but I have no problem with Bruce becoming Caitlyn -a new person and a new life. But for some reason I resent the erasure of Bruce as though he never existed. There was a Bruce (pronouns he/him/his) and now there is a Caitlyn (pronouns she/her/hers).

I love old movies and stars so you'd think I would have watched this show for the guest stars alone, but I found Angela's character, and her acting, off-putting. She was such a know-it-all. PS I saw her in Gypsy and loved her.

Do the Olympic record books now say that it was Caitlyn who won the Men's decathlon event in 1976?

Wikipedia and the official Olympics site say Bruce, but...

R195 That's creepy. It's like hearing about Mormon activists who baptize the corpses of famous non-Mormons so they can claim them as members of the faith. According to their history, Anne Frank (who was living as a sinful non-Mormon at the time) died in the Holocaust because she hadn't yet licked the golden plates in Provo, or whatever the fuck they believe.

I’m Bradford Dillman

I'm Matthew Perry, popping 20 vicodin while watching the Friends parody

I’m dopey Grady.

I'm Seth Hazlett's florid brother who dies in his mansion. I'm drunk and look like old roast beef.

I'm the cursed Indian ruby necklace worn by R200's floozie of a wife

I am the bigamist in "Weave a Tangled Web," a torrid episode featuring an upstanding Cabot Cove matron with a double life -- namely another husband! I am living a lie.

I’m the KGB, who like investigation units all over the world, have only the faintest care about Jessica Fletcher taking over our investigation.

I’m the incongruously unsophisticated and batty season 1 Jessica Fletcher

i love her

I have that vacant stare and fart face when I solve a murder

I’m Elegant Casual aka the dress code