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My Partner Only Turns on the Light in the Room He is Using - Weird?

I knew this about my partner before we moved in together but now that we are in a house it drives me nuts. We live in a single home in a suburban community and it looks odd to see a house that is pitch black inside except for the tv room in the back. He says it's a waste of electricity to have lights in other rooms but I think how the house presents to the outside is important too. The house looks nicer with a light on in the living room.

by Anonymousreply 100January 13, 2022 6:43 AM

You seem desperate for attention.

by Anonymousreply 1December 22, 2021 3:06 AM

Your partner wants to murder you by approaching you from behind in a dark room, OP. You're so totally fucked, I imagine you're dead by now.

by Anonymousreply 2December 22, 2021 3:07 AM

I can’t tell if this is a joke or not. But he’s absolutely right. It’s ridiculous to light rooms you aren’t using, especially since no one has to light candles these days.

by Anonymousreply 3December 22, 2021 3:07 AM

I get your partner’s reasoning but there should also be some light on in the front rooms of the house or floodlights on in the back and front.

I have neighbors who never turn on any lights except the back rooms that they live in. Well, guess what? Those houses are showered in darkness and they are the ones where robbers make attempts.

by Anonymousreply 4December 22, 2021 3:11 AM

I think you're both right, but I don't really care what drivers-by think of my dark house, so I side with your husband.

by Anonymousreply 5December 22, 2021 3:11 AM

We’re the same. Suburban house with one light on in the room we occupy. Of course you can now tell Alexa to turn lights on and off from every room now, so light switches have become so retro in our house. So if I’m going to bed, I just ask Alexa to turn on the bedroom light on my way to the bedroom, and turn off the light of the room I’m exiting.

by Anonymousreply 6December 22, 2021 3:12 AM

There's a balance - you don't need all the lights on. But why not have one soft light on in the rooms you'll be passing through in the evening?

by Anonymousreply 7December 22, 2021 3:13 AM


by Anonymousreply 8December 22, 2021 3:14 AM

When I am out walking I appreciate houses that are lit inside and out because it looks more appealing than a dark ole Munsters house.

by Anonymousreply 9December 22, 2021 3:17 AM

Tell your partner the money he saves by navigating darkened rooms will be spent to pay for the X-Rays he will undoubtedly need.

by Anonymousreply 10December 22, 2021 3:21 AM


by Anonymousreply 11December 22, 2021 3:23 AM

A home should look and feel lived in. Unless you're a pauper, there's no reason to be so austere. Lightbulbs — especially modern ones — are extremely cheap to operate. A home can be lit for style, ambiance, comfort, safety, and security on less than $0.005 a day per bulb. Add smart fixtures and apps, and it's even cheaper.

by Anonymousreply 12December 22, 2021 3:45 AM

get a battery-powered lantern.

by Anonymousreply 13December 22, 2021 3:47 AM

I'm like your partner. I don't even always turn on the light in the room I'm using. My boyfriend hates it too. It's indeed a waste of electricity

by Anonymousreply 14December 22, 2021 3:50 AM

My lights are all on timers set through an app. Bedroom lights turn on at 6:15am and off at 7:30am. Living room lights turn on at 7:15 and off at 8pm. Bedroom lights turn on at 7:30pm and all but two turn off at 9, then start dimming until one turns off at 9:45 and the other at 10PM when I am reading on my iPad. The morning bedroom schedule is turned off on weekends, but might as well be active, as I am always awake by 6:15 anyway.

Bathroom light is turned on when needed, and off when I leave the room.

I also have the heat set to 60degrees in the winter, so it almost never turns on.

by Anonymousreply 15December 22, 2021 3:50 AM

OP are you the president of the electric company or something?

by Anonymousreply 16December 22, 2021 3:51 AM

Didn't you learn growing up that that's exactly how you should use lighting at home? Americans are wasteful.

by Anonymousreply 17December 22, 2021 4:16 AM

R15 Do you splash your face with cold water, chilled by ice cubes, on those early mornings?

by Anonymousreply 18December 22, 2021 4:20 AM

Unless there is an extreme cold snap it doesn't get anywhere near that cold in the house, and is usually in the mid 70s, which is my preferred indoor temperature range. I set the heat at 60 in case of a cold snap to prevent pipes freezing.

It it is very cold I will turn on a small space heater in the bathroom, and I will turn it on before taking a shower, as there is no radiator in the bathroom, but there is a window in the shower (frosted.)

by Anonymousreply 19December 22, 2021 4:29 AM

I turn off the lights when I leave a room. I also turn off the Wi-Fi at the end of the day (before sleep).

by Anonymousreply 20December 22, 2021 4:29 AM


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by Anonymousreply 21December 22, 2021 4:38 AM

[quote]The house looks nicer with a light on in the living room.

Who gives a shit how the house looks to the neighbors, they don't care.

Stay in the dark and keep them happy OP.

by Anonymousreply 22December 22, 2021 4:40 AM

I like a lot of lamps on. It makes a house cozy. With efficient bulbs, it’s not that expensive. Maybe $5.00 a month to make my house go from dark and depressing to warm snd cheery.

by Anonymousreply 23December 22, 2021 4:43 AM

I literally makes no sense to leave the lights on in a room that is not being used. However, because it doesn't cost much, it's no big deal to do so. I'll leave the bathroom light on until late just to save a step here and there, but it's no problem not to do so. To feel you have to leave lights on for aesthetic reasons when absolutely nobody on earth who has ever lived really cares is sort of silly.

by Anonymousreply 24December 22, 2021 4:45 AM

I don't pay for electricity in my place so I turn on everything and leave everything on. Don't care.

by Anonymousreply 25December 22, 2021 4:53 AM

[quote] I also turn off the Wi-Fi at the end of the day (before sleep).

What a strange, archaic world you live in.

by Anonymousreply 26December 22, 2021 4:55 AM

R25 Badass

by Anonymousreply 27December 22, 2021 4:55 AM

Yeah, r25, i don't pay for anything either (it's part of rent) but as a rule, I'm a waste-not, want-not person so I only have lights on where I need it..

by Anonymousreply 28December 22, 2021 5:15 AM

I don’t tell Alexa shit. I don’t say nothin.

by Anonymousreply 29December 22, 2021 5:18 AM

I hate coming home to an apartment with all the lights on. Thankfully I now live alone and also only light the room I'm in. Right now only two candles in the kitchen.

I don't need to think about the suburban burglary thing, though.

by Anonymousreply 30December 22, 2021 5:54 AM

Why would you have lights on in a room no one is in? Thats wasteful.I do however leave the stove light on at night. Always have.

by Anonymousreply 31December 22, 2021 5:55 AM

I had upper middle class parents who grew up in the depression and constantly needled about turning off all lights and appliances that weren't in use, as if they couldn't afford to pay the power bill. Indeed, except for very low level night lights that remain on in every room, my place is dark, dark, dark! Don't blame us, blame our psycho 'rents!

by Anonymousreply 32December 22, 2021 6:02 AM

Chuckled at R16; that's what my father always said when I'd leave a room and the light on. I get it, electricity was expensive in the beforetimes. But as many here have posted, withLED lightbulbs and a smart home system, the cost to light up enough rooms in the house that I don't trip around in the dark is less than a dollar a day. That said, I got my yearly true-up from Edison today and my bill for the year was $285. I love my solar system.

by Anonymousreply 33December 22, 2021 6:18 AM

[quote]With efficient bulbs, it’s not that expensive. Maybe $5.00 a month

To the pathologically cheap posters here, it might as well cost $5,000 a month to keep the lights on.

by Anonymousreply 34December 22, 2021 6:31 AM

I grew up in a poor (by US standards) family. We always conserved energy and water because we lived in a very cold and snowy place, so turning lights off when leaving a room was expected of all of us.

Now, at 48 years of age, I am still inclined to turn all lights off at home except for the room I'm occupying, even if my home is dark to passersby. However, having reaped the rewards of a successful career (I'm a musician), I live in an actual historic castle that my husband and I bought together and renovated seven years ago, and it's huge. It has 16 bedrooms, and there's even a full-on chapel in one of the towers (I'm not religious, so I use it for working on music). For security purposes, we have to floodlight most of the exterior from below as soon as the sun goes down, and the interior lights in various rooms are lit on a rotation schedule. Electricity here's definitely not cheap.

by Anonymousreply 35December 22, 2021 6:37 AM

Let it all burn...

by Anonymousreply 36December 22, 2021 6:38 AM

Reminds of my dad tells ng me as a little kid the best way to negotiate a dark room was by keeping your eyes closed. Hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 37December 22, 2021 6:44 AM


by Anonymousreply 38December 22, 2021 6:44 AM

In the age of LED I think its reasonable to light up a home a bit at night. I even sleep with a few lights on around my home and my apartment in the city, too.

by Anonymousreply 39December 22, 2021 6:46 AM

A home should be lit like a technicolor movie set to convey warmth and impending group sex.

by Anonymousreply 40December 22, 2021 6:52 AM

You have be one cheap cunt to be living with no lights on.

by Anonymousreply 41December 22, 2021 6:55 AM

There's a difference between "no lights on" and having on whatever is necessary in whatever room you're in. Plus it's the evening...is there some reason we need to have the whole house bathed in light?! The body is supposed to be in a sleep cycle and I don't relish the thought of having a bunch of lights on just for appearances sake. That's ridiculous.

by Anonymousreply 42December 22, 2021 7:05 AM

Do you have pets? My grandma always kept a nightlight on for her cat, she said it’s a misconception that cats have perfect night vision.

by Anonymousreply 43December 22, 2021 7:25 AM

Your partner isn't weird, OP. He's just thinks you look best in as little light as possible.

by Anonymousreply 44December 22, 2021 7:59 AM


by Anonymousreply 45December 22, 2021 8:02 AM

OP when you're on your deathbed, gasping to take your last breaths, he will give you only just as much oxygen as you need, not an ounce more. Remember that.

by Anonymousreply 46December 22, 2021 8:50 AM

OP, you’re the reason the planet is melting.

by Anonymousreply 47December 22, 2021 9:55 AM

It's a miracle you have survived to whatever age you are, OP.

by Anonymousreply 48December 22, 2021 11:08 AM

R15 You must be a real hoot at parties. Do you count how many ice cubes each of your guests receive,too?

by Anonymousreply 49December 22, 2021 11:22 AM


OP is gaslighting herself when, in fact, she's the only one in that desolate house.

by Anonymousreply 50December 22, 2021 11:26 AM

I'm the exact same as OP's partner...and maybe a little worse. I'll turn out the light in the room I'm leaving, then turn on the hallway light, and then turn off the hallway light before turning on the light in the room I'm entering!

by Anonymousreply 51December 22, 2021 11:34 AM

How very low-class to worry what the neighbours might think, OP.

I only light the room I’m in, save for the occasional table lamp in the other rooms.

by Anonymousreply 52December 22, 2021 11:43 AM

Our neighbors light up their 5 acre property at night like a prison yard. It must comfort them.

by Anonymousreply 53December 22, 2021 1:13 PM

We're up late into the night so I tend to leave a light on in the kitchen or laundry room just so we can see when we go to that side of the house (we live in a one-story ranch). If we leave the house at night we leave the living room light on so we can see when we get home. Otherwise, lights are off unless we're actively in the room, using them.

by Anonymousreply 54December 22, 2021 1:20 PM

I certainly leave lights on in the living room when we are out. Why advertise that no one is home?

by Anonymousreply 55December 22, 2021 1:23 PM

Gah, OP. Your partner must be a moron. It costs a few bucks A YEAR to light an LED for five hours every evening. Put an LED bulb in a lamp in the front room. Plug the lamp into a timer. Tell your partner to keep his fucking hands off of it.

The REAL issue here is that your partner doesn't give a fuck about your feelings on a matter of no financial significance which you find to be important. That's why this is an issue. Just buy the timer for $10 at Home Depot and make it clear that you expect your choice to be respected. If he doesn't do that for you, you know all you need to know about a man who is a boorish loser.

Or, if this is not important to you, why did you start this thread?

by Anonymousreply 56December 22, 2021 1:23 PM

[quote]The REAL issue here is that your partner doesn't give a fuck about your feelings on a matter of no financial significance which you find to be important.

Seems like a good time to point out that the OP doesn't give a fuck about his feelings on a matter he finds to be important.

The OP explicitly said the guy doesn't turn lights on because he thinks it wastes electricity, not because he thinks it's too expensive, so I don't think cost is an issue here. Not sure why everyone keeps bringing it up.

by Anonymousreply 57December 22, 2021 1:30 PM

R57, you write obtusely.

by Anonymousreply 58December 22, 2021 1:36 PM

Keep the lights off and get a dog with an aggressive bark. House break ins are typically crimes of opportunity: dogs and prickly flora and fauna planted around windows will keep thieves away.

I lived in Bushwick back when it was not gentrified so much and with my dog providing security, I was never bothered.

by Anonymousreply 59December 22, 2021 2:07 PM

R59 here I rescued a puppy in Barbados and I thought she was part dachshund, but she grew to be 65 lbs.

by Anonymousreply 60December 22, 2021 2:08 PM

[quote]OP when you're on your deathbed, gasping to take your last breaths, he will give you only just as much oxygen as you need, not an ounce more. Remember that.

You’ll be getting 0.5 L to keep your O2 sats at 92% and that’s it. What, you think oxygen just materializes out of the air or something?

by Anonymousreply 61December 22, 2021 2:11 PM

OP you sound as dim as the unlit rooms in your house. Why waste electricity?

by Anonymousreply 62December 22, 2021 2:18 PM

[quote]OP you sound as dim as the unlit rooms in your house. Why waste electricity?

No, that would be you, R62. The point has been made time and time again, just in this thread alone, that lights in a house enhance security. That is a valid reason for leaving on a low-energy LED light in an unoccupied room. And there are more.

It's not as if the only purpose of lighting is to.... is to what? Even OP's partner has seems not to have specified why he needs a light when he's in a room. Is he constantly reading? Playing cards? If there must be a narrowly defined and justifiable reason for turning on a light, then if OP's partner is only in the room listening to music, he does not need to turn on a light. But he still gets to, if he wants to. And so should OP.

by Anonymousreply 63December 22, 2021 2:43 PM

His parents probably lived through the Depression. Mine did. 5 minute showers. Recycle and reuse everything you can. Makes sense to me.

by Anonymousreply 64December 22, 2021 3:05 PM

The depression was 90 years ago, darling R94.

by Anonymousreply 65December 22, 2021 3:15 PM

Richard! Drive off, I don’t want to be seen next to this darkened house.

by Anonymousreply 66December 22, 2021 3:18 PM

This MUST be on his ipod

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by Anonymousreply 67December 22, 2021 3:19 PM

I should've left the light on.

by Anonymousreply 68December 22, 2021 6:01 PM


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by Anonymousreply 69December 22, 2021 6:06 PM

[quote]He says it's a waste of electricity to have lights in other rooms but I think how the house presents to the outside is important too.

My parents were like this and I was made fun of for being like this myself when I started living with other people.

It just makes sense. It's not even a money issue. I've learned to compromise. I keep the lights on in the bathrooms, I keep it on in the room I'm in, I keep it on in the kitchen and I keep the hallway lights on.

The dining room and other rooms can stay dark unless I'm in it. There's no room for my office lights to be on if I'm not sitting there working.

by Anonymousreply 70December 22, 2021 6:09 PM

Everyone is different of course but I don't understand leaving the bathroom light on of all rooms.

by Anonymousreply 71December 22, 2021 6:12 PM

OP, put on your frilliest caftan, most sparkling earrings and sing this to him before presenting hole. You'll have Clark Griswold's electric bill in no time.

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by Anonymousreply 72December 22, 2021 6:12 PM

[quote]Everyone is different of course but I don't understand leaving the bathroom light on of all rooms.

My parents always left that one on (even if everything else was off) so the kids (my siblings and I) could always find it in the dark.

Meanwhile I'd be sitting in my dark room doing my homework with a desk lamp because turning on the whole room light was just too much for them.

by Anonymousreply 73December 22, 2021 6:15 PM

[quote] There's no room for my office lights to be on if I'm not sitting there working.


by Anonymousreply 74December 22, 2021 6:38 PM

if your bathroom is ugly. leave the lights off even if you are shitting.

by Anonymousreply 75December 23, 2021 12:23 AM

I turn off my chair side table lamp whenever I blink in order to save money.

by Anonymousreply 76December 23, 2021 12:25 AM

[quote]I don’t tell Alexa shit. I don’t say nothin.

The bitch is always listening anyway.

by Anonymousreply 77December 23, 2021 12:29 AM

I'm leaving my lights on even longer and brighter to say fuck you, you cheap cunts!

by Anonymousreply 78December 23, 2021 12:32 AM

I agree with you, OP. I like to have a bit of light in the front room even if we're in the back. My partner is frugal, he's always turning off lights. He's not just frugal, he's cheap. The positive side is that he's a saver with a healthy retirement account, but with today's LED lights it's not that expensive to have a low wattage living room light or porch light burning for a few hours in the evening.

by Anonymousreply 79December 23, 2021 12:33 AM

I am about to embark on my nightly walk and will very much appreciate the light emanating from all your houses!

by Anonymousreply 80December 23, 2021 12:34 AM

I also appreciate people who leave interior lights on at night, especially when the window coverings are open. I get particular joy being able to peer inside when in the passenger side at night, to see how people decorate their homes. Two of my favorite peeping cruises are Marina Blvd in San Francisco, where the lovely mansions often have statement pieces in their large picture windows. 19th Avenue during Christmas is fun, you get to see the decorations along with the variety of crap people keep in their homes.

I am not a burglar, merely a nosy parker.

by Anonymousreply 81December 23, 2021 12:39 AM

r15 shits to a metronome.

by Anonymousreply 82December 23, 2021 4:05 AM

Don't like coming home to a completely dark house and don't want to advertise to thieves that no one is home. So, I leave a light on when I'm gone.

by Anonymousreply 83December 23, 2021 4:15 AM

It's a bit different here in the UK where in mid-winter you are only getting six hours of daylight, if it isn't a gloomy day.

You tend to leave a few lights on to try to make things more normal, all LED obviously.

My electricity bill is under £35 ($47) per month, year round.

by Anonymousreply 84December 23, 2021 4:18 AM

If you only knew how to use "only" correctly, OP! So, he only turns on the light, he never turns it off? This is what you meant: my partner turns on the light only in the room he is using.

9 times out of 10, "only" is in the wrong place.

by Anonymousreply 85December 23, 2021 4:28 AM

OP sounds like the worst kind of suburban Frau. She's so concerned about what the neighbors in her sterile community think of her. I bet she's nervous about using the wrong kind of guacamole in her Seven Layer Dip.

by Anonymousreply 86December 23, 2021 5:22 AM

You are right, R85 — and now I fear that I use “only” incorrectly in most of my writing.

by Anonymousreply 87December 23, 2021 9:00 AM

[quote] OP sounds like the worst kind of suburban Frau. She's so concerned about what the neighbors in her sterile community think of her. I bet she's nervous about using the wrong kind of guacamole in her Seven Layer Dip.

R86 sounds like one of those people who goes to a party, tells an unfunny joke, and then laughs uproariously at herself.

by Anonymousreply 88December 23, 2021 3:56 PM

R87, "only" is really important to meaning. Read this sentence, "you said you loved me" several times, each time moving the word "only" one place forward. Each iteration has a very different meaning. Once a person is aware of all this, the errors become obvious all over the place, even by writers who should know better.

by Anonymousreply 89December 23, 2021 4:12 PM

R35, where’s your castle?

by Anonymousreply 90December 23, 2021 4:17 PM

if you care you could probably dox them with the info provided.

by Anonymousreply 91December 23, 2021 4:21 PM

God, you're tedious, R89--and probably not only on this thread.

by Anonymousreply 92December 23, 2021 4:23 PM

Thanks, R92!

by Anonymousreply 93December 23, 2021 4:25 PM

I leave the light in over the kitchen table ( it’s not bright) while I work in my office in another room. It’s so I can find my way to the kitchen and stairs.

I love my house dark as all my neighbors across the street and to the right of me have bright spot lights on every night, I can’t even see stars in the sky at night anymore because of the light pollution. It wasn’t like this growing up. But now everyone seems to be paranoid and have the lights and cameras. I hate it. When I walk into my backyard to sit on my deck, my neighbor’s light goes on and it illuminates my whole backyard. And this is 3/4 into my yard—not at the fence line. They refuse to alter it. At least it eventually shuts off.

by Anonymousreply 94December 23, 2021 4:27 PM

THIS R94 ! My fucking back neighbor installed some sort of floodlight about 6 months ag and its motion activated.Every time she lets her wretched dog out to piss or whatever my back patio gets lit up like its Treblinka ! Ive spoken to her about it but shes a malignant old bitch so nothing has changed. Ive been tempted to shoot it out with a bb gun.

by Anonymousreply 95December 23, 2021 5:51 PM

[quote]I've been tempted to shoot it out with a bb gun.

Just say you were watching from your guard tower, and you saw a bird was about to escape.

by Anonymousreply 96December 23, 2021 6:54 PM

R90 It's in Scotland

by Anonymousreply 97December 25, 2021 6:15 AM

My mother’s mantra growing up was always ‘if you’re not in a room close the light.’ Now that I pay all the bills I pretty much stick to it.

by Anonymousreply 98January 12, 2022 2:22 AM

My grandparents always said open/close the lights too!

by Anonymousreply 99January 13, 2022 5:06 AM

Growing up on Lawng Geilun if somebody left the lights on in a room they weren't using, one would hear the phrase, "What? Are you trying to making Edison rich?"

by Anonymousreply 100January 13, 2022 6:43 AM
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