Quite the obituary!

Can you post the body of text here?

Renay Mandel Corren

El Paso, TX—A plus-sized Jewish lady redneck died in El Paso on Saturday.

Of itself hardly news, or good news if you're the type that subscribes to the notion that anybody not named you dying in El Paso, Texas is good news. In which case have I got news for you: the bawdy, fertile, redheaded matriarch of a sprawling Jewish-Mexican-Redneck American family has kicked it. This was not good news to Renay Mandel Corren's many surviving children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, many of whom she even knew and, in her own way, loved. There will be much mourning in the many glamorous locales she went bankrupt in: McKeesport, PA, Renay's birthplace and where she first fell in love with ham, and atheism; Fayetteville and Kill Devil Hills, NC, where Renay's dreams, credit rating and marriage are all buried; and of course Miami, FL, where Renay's parents, uncles, aunts, and eternal hopes of all Miami Dolphins fans everywhere, are all buried pretty deep. Renay was preceded in death by Don Shula.

Because she was my mother, the death of zaftig good-time gal Renay Corren at the impossible old age of 84 is newsworthy to me, and I treat it with the same respect and reverence she had for, well, nothing. A more disrespectful, trash-reading, talking and watching woman in NC, FL or TX was not to be found. Hers was an itinerant, much-lived life, a Yankee Florida liberal Jewish Tough Gal who bowled 'em in Japan, rolled 'em in North Carolina and was a singularly unique parent. Often frustrated by the stifling, conservative culture of the South, Renay turned her voracious mind to the home front, becoming a model stay at home parent, a supermom, really, just the perfect PTA lady, volunteer, amateur baker and-AHHAHAA HA! HA! HA! Just kidding, y'all! Renay - Rosie to her friends, and this was a broad who never met a stranger - worked double shifts with Doreen, ate a ton of carbs with Bernie, and could occasionally be stirred to stew some stuffed cabbage for the kids. She played cards like a shark, bowled and played cribbage like a pro, and laughed with the boys until the wee hours, long after the last pin dropped. At one point in the 1980's, Renay was the 11th or 12th-ranked woman in cribbage in America, and while that could be a lie, it sounds great in print. She also told us she came up with the name for Sunoco, and I choose to believe this, too. Yes, Renay lied a lot. But on the plus side, Renay didn't cook, she didn't clean, and she was lousy with money, too. Here's what Renay was great at: dyeing her red roots, weekly manicures, dirty jokes, pier fishing, rolling joints and buying dirty magazines. She said she read them for the articles, but filthy free speech was really Renay's thing. Hers was a bawdy, rowdy life lived large, broke and loud. We thought Renay could not be killed. God knows, people tried. A lot. Renay has been toying with death for a decades, but always beating it and running off in her silver Chevy Nova. Covid couldn't kill Renay. Neither could pneumonia twice, infections, blood clots, bad feet, breast cancer twice, two mastectomies, two recessions, multiple bankruptcies, marriage to a philandering Sergeant Major, divorce in the 70's, six kids, one cesarean, a few abortions from the Quietly Famous Abortionist of Spring Lake, NC or an affair with Larry King in the 60's.

Renay was preceded in death by her ex-boyfriend, Larry King. Renay was also sadly preceded in death by her beloved daughter, Cathy Sue Corren Lester Trammel Webster, of Kill Devil Hills, NC, who herself was preceded in death by two marriages, a fudge shop and one eyeball lost in a near-fatal Pepsi bottle incident that will absolutely be explored in future obituaries. Losing her 1-eyed badass b**** of a daughter in 2007 devastated Renay, but it also made her quite homeless, since Cathy pretty much picked up the tab. A talented and gregarious grifter, Renay M. Corren eked out her final years of luxury (she literally retired at 62) under the care, compassion, checking accounts and, evidently, unlimited patience of her favorite son and daughter-in-law, Michael and Lourdes Corren, of world-famous cow sanctuary El Paso, TX. Renay is also survived by her son Jeffrey Corren and his endlessly tolerant wife Shirley, of Powell's Point, NC; Scott Corren, and what's left of his colon, of Hampton, VA; Marc and Laura Corren, the loveliest dirt farmers of Vernon, TX (seriously, where is that); and her favorite son, the gay one who writes catty obituaries in his spare time, Andy Corren, of - obviously - New York City. Plus two beloved granddogs, Mia and Hudson. Renay was particularly close to and grateful for the lavish attentions of her grandaughter Perla and her great-grandchildren Elijah and Leroy, as well as her constant cruise companions Sam Trammell of Greenville, NC, and Adam Corren of El Paso, TX. Renay took tremendous pride in making 1 gay son and 2 gay grandchildren, Sam Trammell and Adam Corren.

There will be a very disrespectful and totally non-denominational memorial on May 10, 2022, most likely at a bowling alley in Fayetteville, NC. The family requests absolutely zero privacy or propriety, none what so ever, and in fact encourages you to spend some government money today on a 1-armed bandit, at the blackjack table or on a cheap cruise to find our inheritance. She spent it all, folks. She left me nothing but these lousy memories. Which I, and my family of 5 brothers and my sister-in-laws, nephews, friends, nieces, neighbors, ex-boyfriends, Larry King's children, who I guess I might be one of, the total strangers who all, to a person, loved and will cherish her. Forever. Please think of the brightly-frocked, frivolous, funny and smart Jewish redhead who is about to grift you, tell you a filthy joke, and for Larry King's sake: LAUGH. Bye, Mommy. We loved you to bits.

RIP RENAY MANDEL CORREN 10 MAY 1937 - 11 DEC 2021

That as well written, hilarious, and eventually quite touching.

Andy Corren of NYC. Who’s had him?

This is hilarious. RIP Renay.

I hate too many clauses.

This guy HAS GOT to be a Datalounger! If not, let's invite him.

It's the -obviously- New York, that guarantees he's a DLer. I'm verklempt.

I was looking forward to going to El Paso because I thought it would be filled with hot Mexicans. I didn't see 1 hot, clean looking man. California Mexicans are much hotter. In Texas they eat a lot of Lard you can see it in their skin. El Paso is like the worst of 2 countries.

Could this be Bill Taylor’s mother?

[quote] Renay is also survived by ... her favorite son, the gay one who writes catty obituaries in his spare time, Andy Corren, of - obviously - New York City.... Renay took tremendous pride in making 1 gay son and 2 gay grandchildren, Sam Trammell and Adam Corren.

Obituary writer is in prime DL demographics. Says he's gay & lives in NYC. Renay (mom) was born in 1937, so, he's also in the right age range as well.

Sam is Catherine's son?

R8 You can't get this on Yelp.

I'm surprised the newspaper published this obituary in its entirety. This could be a lawsuit waiting to happen.

On the other hand, I wonder if they have any staff writers' openings?

Sorry, my attention died along with Renay somewhere in the middle of the obit. Too long

It was a very long obituary and it should have been broken into about 30 paragraphs with subtitles separating the paragraphs. E.g.: family members left behind, gay family members left behind, bankruptcies, etc.

Usually, I can't read something that looks like a wall of text. But I was able to read that.

I read about one paragraph. It was enough.

OY FUKIN VEY!

Obits are like ads, if you’ll pony up they’ll print as much as you want.

This was a fun idea and I appreciate the spirit in which I was written but it was FAR, FAR too long and half of the jokes fell flat in the second or third repetition.

An editor who didn’t think the writer was as hilarious as the writer himself obviously did would have benefited this obit greatly.

The obit is good, but a little long.

Here's another good one, written by political cartoonist Michael DeAdder for his mother.

If you're here Andy?

DO MINE!

(I'm a bitch, cunt dog lover from Los Angeles)

It’s sad if it’s real. A son published this about his mom regardless of whether true or whether he thought it was funny. It shows someone trying desperately get in the last word at their own expense.

It shows his mom would have laughed her ass off and loved it.

We’ll never know now will we R2/.

We should send flowers.

If the whole family agreed, I'd say yes.

I have a feeling the mom would have absolutely approved. Who knows…maybe she helped write it before she died. Either way, it’s great. So what if it’s long and the sentence structure is questionable. I love it and wished I’d known Renay. And her favorite gay son, Andy. Those kind of people are a hoot.

RIP to this woman

This was…hilarious.

Quite undignified. I'm shocked and appalled.

[quote]Renay was preceded in death by her ex-boyfriend, Larry King.

Did your life change much after Basic Instinct?

Thanks for making my day.

Very funny Oh-Bitch!-uary.

Well done, Andy. Your mama raised a gem.

The Apple never falls from the white trash tree

Should've kept it short 'n sweet.

Should have died first

ASG Attention seeking gay

Send flowers? From Data Loungers?

You bitches talk tough, but what a bunch of softies.

"Hung top" OK, I LOL'ed at that!

I used to write stories like this about my mom and growing up in our fucked up house . I showed them to her and she absolutely loved them. For us it was actually healing. I didn't write her obit but if I had it's have been much like this and my mom would've loved that too.

It was a good first draft, but desperately needed editing. It was like a thought vomit.

Was good, could've been great.

And let's be real...RENAY? RENAY. I can't.

Jesus motherfucking Christ people it's an OBITUARY.

They're not workshopping a fucking SEDARIS book to a publishing house.

It was probably a session with all of them drinking and laughing and crying & just writing it all down. Grief does not walk in a single file line and flow perfectly, nor do words when people are feeling grief.

A few years after my father died, I teased my gullible mother that the obit I wrote referred to her as my father’s long-suffering wife.

Just walk away, Renay.

Long suffering. That’s how I felt reading that long winded shit.

Kind of off-topic, but I did a Google search on the author and one of the photos that came up was him with "Billy Erchmer" (I presume a young Mr. Eichner). Amusing.

He sounds conflicted. I'm sure was a goodtime girl, but always exhausting people with her hijinks and drama.

One article posted Andy's pic.

Loved the obituary. It was a twist on the anti-obit, keeping you guessing which way it was going to go. My condolences Andy, if you're reading this. Your mom must've been a hoot. You deserved each other. RIP you Jewish redneck.

"Hung top"

Yup. Andy is a DLer.

It's official.

Love it. RIP mom. Hi, Andy. I like your sentence structure.

R51 LOL, I said the same thing the second I read that.

Also - who's had him, and who has the photos?

He looks like half the guys in Pittsburgh.

I'd do him. Andy, 📱 me.

I think he's good looking, and loved what he wrote in that obit

He can't be a DLer because he did not ask what was on her iPod.

Glad they all have a sense of humor. My dad would never find this kind of thing funny yet he is exactly the kind of guy that should have this kind of obituary.

If he really is a hung top? Fuck yeah. I like the bald daddy look.

I agree, he’s definitely a DLer. Andy, show yourself, bitch!

R54 Yes, he does! LOL

Well, that is one way to get the public's attention about your professional writing aspirations.

Author was definitely a DLer.

Jealous?

Renée means "queen."

Renay means KWEEN!

Still waiting for the nudes of Andy's hung meat.

Renay will become the new hot name for girls, displacing Ashley, Emma, Caitlyn, and Madison.

Makes me appreciate the craziness that is Americans.

[Quote] Renay will become the new hot name for girls

-Blushes-

An interview with the son about his obit. (He's a talent manager, so you know he's a DLer!)

[quote](I'm a bitch, cunt dog lover from Los Angeles)

You’ll have to be more specific.

Who's on his roster?

He's making a career change (though the article lists some of his former management clients as well).

So good. Didn't know where it was going but...there MIGHT be a lump in my throat.

Boring.

My favorite obituary ever.

He should write a comic movie with Ma at the center. Cast Shirley MacLaine.

Quite the obitchyary, OP!

Did anyone ever find us pictures of his supposed sizemeat?