I'm Suicidal

Please don't, OP.

Don't do it OP. Please adopt a cat or dog who needs you. It's the only way we get through this existence.

When I'm suicidally depressed, about the only thing that helps is to remember that, good or bad - all things must pass.

Call one of these, instead.

Stay here, OP and talk with us.

It ALWAYS gets better! Always.

Many of us have been where you are tonight op! Please know there is help And you are wanted and loved

Get out of your home and go for a walk with music. Leave where you are.

No, please stay with us. Feeling this terrible is temporary, it will pass and you'll see beauty again. Don't let the economy make you feel like you don't matter. You do.

Get off the DL before someone says something that tips you into not being such a troll.

What R6 says, OP.

I went through a really, really rough period only a couple of years ago and was feeling similar. It was temporary, things got better, and they will for you too, OP.

Don't give up.

0/10

Don't do it, OP! I agree with the person who says you should get a pet.

I went through the same thing as you, and I am so glad that I stuck around and fought for my life. Talk to us, OP.

Don't do it.

Even though "there is no crueler place than that vile pit of trollery," DL seems to come through for people when it's really important.

No real DLer would ever tell you that suicide is a real option.

There’s a scene in Hannah and her Sisters where Woody botches a suicide attempt then goes out for a walk and ends up in a revival movie house showing Duck Soup. He gradually starts to smile and laugh and realizes life isn’t so horrible after all. Many of us have been where you are my friend and, trust me, tomorrow will be better. I’ve dealt with depression for years but recently adopted a stray cat that needs me. And I need him. And there’s a cat or dog out there that needs you and can change your life. Please don’t give up OP.

Do you have any Xanax on hand? Or any other drugs that could calm you?

I ask because if you take a lot of them all at once, you could have a very blissful exit from this plane of existence..

…but I’m kidding! Don’t do that! Seriously though if you have any Xanax, or Valium etc., you could take half of one and it’ll take the edge off the anguish you’re feeling. I’ve been there. I know what it’s like.

Lately I’ve been so fatigued from my annual winter depression I’ve been starting to think I might be better off dead. I felt that way earlier tonight, and then it passed. My checking account balance was also very low earlier today before I finally got a client to pay me. That made a difference.

My point is, your situation will change, almost certainly for the better. Hang in there. Talk to us.

Living through very dark days means that once you've struggled past it everything else to come will be that much easier by comparison.

Try mental distractions like watching YouTube videos on any subject that puts you in a different place albeit temporarily.

Find any exercise or sport you enjoy and do it daily. Or try deep breathing to energizing music.

It will get better. Hang in there OP. Adopt and animal as a poster upthread suggested. It will give you a sense of purpose (personal experience talking) and keep you here, where you belong. You'll find your way again.

OP suicide is painful and/or messy. Always. And it might not work.

Who is going to find your body? What will that do to them? You may not mean to, but you will be causing them pain.

Even worse, if you die, you will never know how your life will turn out if you hold on to it. One if the few certainties in life is that it is always changing. Maybe tomorrow will be the day something amazing happens to change yours for the better.

And if you really feel you have reached the end of the line, and are done with this world, then in a sense you are free. You don’t have to give a shit about what anyone thinks of you, or about your employment prospects, or your retirement finances. Don’t waste your freedom by hurling yourself into dark oblivion. Make use of it instead: go out and find someone to fuck your brains out instead, or quit your job and go travelling, or start a business, or tell someone you secretly hate to go eat shit.

For this brief moment in the history of the planet, random atoms have come together to form you. Soon they will go off and form other things instead, and all the worries, regrets and insecurities you feel will dissipate into nothingness: in truth they don’t even mean very much now. Like everyone else, you’ll be dead soon enough of natural causes. Don’t hurry up to get there.

I don’t care if this is fake or not. Don’t. We love you. You are important. Stay with us. Find something to laugh about. We want you to live.

My dears, you are lovely. Unlike you, though, I don't place such high value on human life (especially my own). It should be a big deal, shouldn't it, but it isn't. I'm no Mozart, no Shakespeare, nobody gains from my existence. In fact, mama Earth will breathe more easily without my weight on her. Anyway. I like the mention of Xanax. How many for a dignified exit? Come on - it's just euthanasia.

Stay OP. I’ve been where you are. Get therapy. And take some time to write down all you are grateful for. It will be hard at first but there is always something.

R19. That was beautiful.

I posted this in a thread earlier this year about the Australia actor Dieter Brummer who took his own life. A comment someone left on an article about it which hopefully will give you some hope/desire to stay:?

‘In the cold, dark light of night, people can believe this life is all too much. In the depths of despair, people can see no upside. But tomorrow, the sun will rise and there will be many moments even throughout a single day, that will be remembered for a lifetime.

Depression is a dwelling on the downside of our human existence. Life is a roller coaster for almost everyone except the empathy deprived and those who don’t engage in self reflection.

The people we lose through depression, are the people this world needs now. They are sensitive people who carry an unfair burden for a troubled world. Come through the night and celebrate the sunrise of a new day, a new adventure.’

I was really just kidding about the Xanax. A half-milligram tablet would be enough to make you feel better. But please don’t overdose on anything.

Darling, OP, you are far too young to shuffle off this mortal coil. Let nature take its course. I’ve also heard you have a nice ass and thus have so much for which to live.

OP, please don’t hurt yourself. Please. Whatever problems you have, trust me they’re not worth you taking your life. Wash your face, take a deep breath, side on your bed and cry it out. Sometimes that’s all you have to do. Give your body that release. Please retry the national suicide hotline AGAIN. I’m sure they didn’t mean to hang up on you. Just please don’t hurt yourself. Please.

Op- more of you to love. You are important. Don’t. Just don’t. You posted about it so there is some hope you deep down don’t want to.

Obviously you called the suicide hotline with Rose Nylund working.

OP, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way but I hope you try harder to reach out for support. People do generally care about you.

Suicide hot lines do not hang up on callers.

Well, they did. I'm not calling them again!

Even if you don't feel it at this moment.... This world needs you. Whether it is pet, or a person. There is some person or other creature who will benefit from you passing through this dark night of the soul. You compassion & personal strength will grow from this & the person you become will have so much value to give to another.

Do not leave us in this difficult world. You have so much value & you are needed. As to being chubby..Who doesn't love a soft shoulder to cush cuddle into.....Stay, please, please Stay..

[quote] I'm no Mozart, no Shakespeare

So what? Nobody else is, either. You have just as much right to be here as any other motherfucker, OP!

And fuck anyone who tries to tell you otherwise!

Now take a deep breath and tell yourself "I'll think about this tomorrow" like the proud Datalounger you are. Then get some sleep.

Don’t do it OP. I’ve felt similarly. You have us - I know you’ve posted some bitchery we’ve all enjoyed.

Fuck Shakespeare. Honestly. Who needs him.

Don’t leave your DLers. We’re in this together.

Sending you love OP.

Take something to allow you to sleep only. You’re in a spiral. Sleep it off.

Well, you stopped here to tell us all about it OP so I’m guessing you’ve found ONE reason to live; DATALOUNGE.

You’re wallowing. Look at all the posts of some truly snarky people here who are begging you to to stay with us. You’ve turned them all into big soft cuddle bears because they’re worried for you, and they trust you’re being honest. It’s life. There are setbacks. You sleep it off and try to overcome it another day. That’s how it works dude. I wanted to do it myself, and I’m So glad I didn’t. There’s just too much left to see and do.

Straighten your spine and grab ahold of yourself. Count your blessings and be thankful for the folks here and elsewhere who’d be devastated if you left our little Humanity club. You’re needed here, and you shouldn’t need the ass kissing to convince you of it.

Now rest your head and get ahold of yourself. You’ve got work to do, and you can’t leave now.

If we trolldar you will we find you hate the Golden Girls, love heavy metal, ambivalent about white after Labor Day? It isn’t worth ending it all over!

Where do you live, OP? I’ll suck your dick.

OP, please stay with us. You matter. Your existence matters. You are loved, even if you do not feel loved, we are rooting for you.

I am an Elder gay and there have been times where I had enough of this fucked up life. I look at my life now, not perfect, but I am happy. I think back on those times where I was very close to suicide and I am so relieved I stuck it out and chose living. I have gained so much. Just when you think you cannot take anymore that is when you know you got it in you to fight.

Your decision to write this thread shows me that you know life is worth fighting for and living matters.

What dreams do you have? What goals? Focus on those positive aspects of your life. If you need assistance, we are hear you help you brainstorm ideas and ways to alleviate your stress. You came here tonight because you choose life. We choose you! You are loved.

Extra weight does not matter. Many men are attracted to overweight individuals. Weight issues and problems are fleeting. You reached out to us tonight and we are reaching back. Tell us what we can do?

We love you.

Here are some very funny bloopers, enjoy my friend.

I think we’ve all wanted to end it at one time or another. Sleep it off. Take an extra pill and SLEEP. Wake up tomorrow with a plan to find some joy.

Listen to R35, OP! It was some totally random DLers who helped me out when I was feeling low.

Get some sleep. If you can't sleep right now, tell us a little about your situation. DL is a snarky, bitchy site, but even the snarkiest posters here are good people deep down - you have people here who've been in all kinds of situations. Maybe someone here can talk you through whatever it is your going through?

I don’t care if you’re a *gulp* MAGA. I want you alive.

Remember when DL used to be FUN?.....A trillion HELP sites and OP comes to Datalounge?......Someone call the POLICE and report OP...

^^^ See, OP ^^^ We care about you, no matter what!

I'm sorry to tell you that it doesn't get better, it only gets worse. I think about killing myself most days but I'm still here. But only only out of spite, I'll do it eventually. You want a good plan if you're really going to do it. OD won't work, it will only leave you worse off, even worse than the regular passage of time. Slitting your wrists won't do it either and hanging isn't as easy as you would think, you're going to want to do a lot of research there. Blowing your brains out? Sure, but no one tells you about all the guys that accidentally blow their faces off and have to live that way.

You better take some time and really look into the best options, because you think you are bad off now, but a failed suicide attempt will often make things worse than you could possibly imagine.

Lots of people have come to DL over the years, R42.

My post at R43 was meant to point to R41.

[quote] Where do you live, OP? I’ll suck your dick.

You’re supposed to be talking him OUT of suicide

OP is having fun with us this evening.

If there isn’t a reason you feel this way it’s chemical and they have better treatments now. A depressed brain won’t allow you to believe anything but hopelessness. GET TO SLEEP.

[quote] your

*You're*

I'll, "oh, dear," myself before someone else does.

Hi OP — even though we do not know each other, our ages, personalities, interests except being gay. Please confide in knowing that this is a website of friends. Tasteful Friends, that is. And you’re in the club honey!

I’ve had a hard 2021 myself, arguably the toughest year I’ve transversed through in my 25 years on this ball of rock. My home was destroyed, my new boyfriend is an incredible guy, but a total slob. We all have eccentric lives but we must keep going. And that means you! We don’t breathe for nothing— it’s all about living. Call an old friend on the phone and tell them you need someone to listen, they will intently desire to help you out of this matter. If not, call the suicide hotline. Sending my electronically sanitary love and hugs to you.

OP, just take some time and watch videos of puppies and kittens getting to know one another.

You lot are my only friends. That's why I came here. I love you so much.

Things always feel worse at night OP.

We love you too.

We love you too, OP. Even if we bitch and snap at each other on some of the threads here, we love each other.

[quote] The people we lose through depression, are the people this world needs now. They are sensitive people who carry an unfair burden for a troubled world.

Dear OP -

R23 is astute.

Depression is a black hole. With everything that is happening at the moment, things seem topsy-turvey for even the most optimistic souls.

So it is understandable that you - or anyone else - is experiencing depression.

This being human is not for the faint of heart: it is akin to being on a roller coaster, and some experience more and deeper dips than others. Those that do are emotively adroit and are VERY, VERY valuable folks in a tough world that encourages numbing or tamping down on feelings.

It is as if folks like yourself (and many others) are adventurers in the world of feelings. Although it may not seem like it, your post has engendered one of the most compassionate and sympathetic threads I’ve ever read on DL. You have opened a door for people to open their hearts....in a place that can often be harsh. If this is possible on the DL, imagine what you can do out in the world?

I had a dear friend that struggled with depression. She was a nuanced, sensitive soul who experienced a repertoire of emotions: she was so tuned in and aware in a harsh world.....that it was incredibly painful. She felt her life was not valuable and ultimately committed suicide.

Her death was devastating and resulted in a series of surreal-ripple effects (one of her family members expired right after her death, several of her friends made significant life changes afterwards, etc.) She would have been shocked at the impact her death had on the world around her.

Life is not easy for us now....but please remind yourself that it is not all about the cacophony of the external world’s accolades: $$$$$, fame, accoutrements, etc. During my medical training I worked with end-of-life patients and the things that were the most meaningful to many were the simple things: smiles, compassion, love, integrity and acts of kindness. Those became the most valuable and cherished when time ticked down. (No one ever said, “I wish I made more $$$$ or were more attractive”!)

And each and everyone of us is important and needed in this world. Especially now.

Please stay and communicate with us until you decide what you wish to do.❤️

52) We are family here and that includes you. I’d give you a big hug if I could.

OP do not harm yourself. Do not give in to depression. Suicide is not the answer. Call the suicide helpline 24/7....1-800-273-8255......LGBT LINK...

OP- volunteer to meet others. Find a hobby where you’ll meet others. Just stay with us. Your lack of friends isn’t your worth. Most friends are so superficial. True friendship is rare.

No. Find help now. ER or phone line, anywhere you get either medication or someone to listen to you.

Much love to you, OP.

R58 is entirely correct. I had thousands of friend connections over my life— but a small handful make the cut. True friends is an extremely rare thing. I can only say that about only a about 2-3 people in my life that isn’t blood-related.

I'm sorry you're feeling down, OP.

If you need me to administer a beat down to any mean bullies....or pint-sized harlots....just call my name, and I'll be there.

Before you go, please 'Like' me on Facebook, and Subscribe to me on Youtube.

I’m sending you love too OP, we’ve all been where you are tonight. Hang on my dear, I’m holding your hand as well as possible under these circumstances! You are a precious DLer and we need you.

Tonight watch funny videos on YouTube. Whatever makes you laugh. Allow yourself to laugh.

Tomorrow take a long walk in a park or on a nature trail and just look at everything. Look at the birds. They have nothing yet sing all day long.

Remember you are loved!

Put the earphones in and listen:

The right medication can be a life saver. Try and find a good psychiatrist for medication and a psychologist for talk therapy. (hopefully your insurance covers it.)

It can be hard to get appointments now. The pandemic has made everyone a bit unhinged. Maybe try your regular doctor if you have one. Hang in there!

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting . You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

We love you, OP. Pulllllease don't leave us!!!!

I would never give my enemies the satisfaction of seeing my die that way. I have to go on living, no matter what it takes, so that I can someday dance on their graves.

It would help me if some of you on DL would tell me where your plot is.

DL is usually a cesspit but, I swear to god, ehen it decides to be humane, it is the most humane place on the Internet!

The music, the poetry, the kindness, the wisdom, the humor.... Where else can we find that today?

I love you all.

[quote] Who needs another fat, old, ugly, stupid gay

Fat and stupid is no way to go through life, or death. You know, how you are when you die is how your ghost will be forever. Work on the weight, ugliness and stupidity problems before you check out.

The Christmas season is traditionally hard for many, many people. Don't give in to it, OP. Put these dark thoughts on hold til after the New Year and see if things look more hopeful.

OP, don't use a permanent solution for a temporary problem. This will pass. It will get better. It's holiday gloom. New year will be better.

In meantime...

Get yourself a doggo

I hope you'll check back in with us, OP.

The suicide hotline hung up on you? That sounds like a Rodney Dangerfield joke.

I think it's so groovy now, that Dataloungers are finally getting together. Reach out in the darkness.

OP, so many people feel badly right now. The country is a mess, The world is a mess. Don't you want to see how things play out? Stick around, DLers may have a hard exterior but underneath there is a lot of humanity. I was super depressed and I got a dog who has helped me turn things around.

Please don't do it OP. Stay and talk to us.

OP Be glad you aren't Ghislaine or Jussie or Mark Meadows or any of those poor tornado victims. Or even Britney. You can go to sleep tonight realizing that at least you're not as fucked up as Britney.

OP, you are worthy, you are enough and you are loved. Please try distracting yourself with something light and funny on TV or online.

I know this will sound corny but this works for me when I’m down: make a to-do list mixed with things you already did today and stuff you need to do over the next few days. Put mundane things like loading the dishwasher, taking a shower, reading a page in a book or newspaper, stretching or going for a walk, folding your laundry, etc. It gives you a little sense of accomplishment when you check things off and feels like you were productive. And that often helps me get out of a funk.

But please, seek medical help if the feelings get overwhelming. There is no shame at all getting help. You are worth it.

dead already?

[quote] Who needs another fat, old, ugly, stupid gay in this economy?

You ascribe your “value” to your appearance, power and wealth and are now realising that it is folly.

Just be you. OP. Whatever makes you feel happy and healthy.

Dear OP,

Please stick around. Please find just one piece of advice from all of the great advice here and commit to doing that one thing. Today. Now. I’m quite serious.

I can tell you, as someone who has often let my depression get the better of me, that we rarely if ever know about the people whose lives we’ve made better. No, not by curing cancer or rescuing them from a tsunami... just by saying hello, giving them a warm smile, holding the door for them and brightening their entire day.

The world can be an awfully lonely place at times. But whether you know it or not, you’re needed and wanted here. Just as you are. And if you’re a bit overweight or underachieving or whatever, so are most of us. Really. But we can still find joy and give joy in small ways. It’s what makes life worth living.

So yes I’m droning on here, but I’m convinced that if you’re still reading then you must deep down have some desire to stick around and see what’s possible.

Listen, the other day at work a new-ish colleague of mine, someone I don’t know well at all, gave me a box of almond cookies as a thank-you gift, she said. Honestly, I couldn’t imagine what she was thanking me for. She said I was the only person who said hi to her when she started. Apparently I’d also told her to feel free to ask me if she needed any help. I hadn’t remembered that, but it made all the difference in the world to her. No one may have given you a box of almond cookies, but I guarantee you’re appreciated for who you are.

xxx

It’s rough. It feels like things are so dysfunctional and nothing make sense anymore. I feel so nihilistic after 2020-21. Nothing seems to get any better. Obviously nothing is perfect and always hard, but I would give anything for one minute where life didn’t feel hopeless.

This is good

Can I have your stuff, OP?

Please don’t do this, make an appt & talk to a professional. In the meantime, think of how your death would impact the people in your life. Even if it’s just one person, they would feel everlasting guilt & sadness that they couldn’t do more for you.

R65: ‘Look at the birds. They have nothing yet sing all day long.’

I love this, thank you.

Pills are the best way. No fuss, no muss. Just do research on what will take you fast and painlessly.

[R29] Yes, suicide hotlines do hang up on people. It happened to me tonight as well.

OP, when I am feeling really down just the thought of coming back to another day of the mean-ness that is Datalounge gives me life!

OP, or anyone considering suicide, please try this. The Unity Church is not a church as you or I understand/understood it, and believes in the power of affirmative prayer and meditation. They have a 24/7 hotline where they will listen to you and then lead you through a guided meditation (what they will call "prayer") that will make you feel like you took a cleansing shower. Seriously. I am a horrible cynic and atheist and they've helped me in the past. Give them a call -- you have nothing to lose, right?

OP I haven't read any responses here. Just responding to your message.

I'm not a professional. I don't know you. All I can say is I love you. Because you're a fellow human being. Because you struggle, as i have. Because you reached out for help here this evening. Because it is Christmas time, and everyone deserves love at Christmas time. Because you had a mom you looked at you the day you were born with all the love in the world in her eyes. That alone tells me you are worthy.

Things may not be going well now, and maybe haven't for quite some time. But life is one big huge gift. Sometimes, our brains aren't working well enough to know that. There is beauty and wonder in this world. For me, watching Jerome Robbins' choreography, watching Leonard Bernstein conduct, seeing Pearl Jam live, where the Redwoods meet the ocean in Big Sur, Central Park West, Blackjack at the El Cortez in Vegas, Griffith Observatory- think about the things you love doing, and the places you love going and the people you love being around.

Don't throw away your gift because of a bad patch, OP. Okay?

Here's something I want you to hear. A few weeks ago, Bret Easton Ellis did a monologue on his podcast about the connection between being grateful, and hope. It really profoundly moved me. You can click it below. Its the first 15 minutes of his podcast. Maybe it will help you. Have a listen, OP.

Take care of yourself. Please. Keep us updated.

Is OP still with the living?

OP, I felt similarly earlier this summer. Was having panic attacks and could not get out of bed. None of the mental health professionals on my insurance list were open to new patients because everyone is sad during covid apparently. I went to my GP and she gave me an Rx for Prozac and Klonopin and I feel so much better now, even though my personal circumstances haven't really changed. This is not the first time that an SSRI turned things around for me...

To those suffering from severe depression and suicidal thoughts. Push yourself to reach for the slighty better emotion that you have access to. Don't be afraid to embrace feeling angry and frustrated when it feels slightly better than depression and suicidal thoughts. Punch a pillow or cover your mouth with a pillow and scream like never before. It should give you access to a slightly better state of mind.

Maybe OP is on the spectrum. They have a 33% higher likelihood of killing themselves than normal people. Especially the girls.

Haven't read the thread and maybe it's already been said.

Depression is temporary.

Death is permanent.

I'd go with the first one.

No! People love you and would miss you, including me, a perfect stranger. Your unique soul deserves to flourish here in our very brief time on Earth. I know the feeling of pain that feels too great to bear and feeling like I have no place in this world. But, this moment is an impulse that you have the power to resist. Don't rely on one resource like one overloaded telephone number, or possibly some nitwit at the other end of that line. You need to get a network of support under you so you can turn to any one of a number of people in these dark, impulsive, ambivalent moments. Life has painful times, but it does not have to be nothing but pain. I know what it means to feel life is nothing but pain and not feeling like I had one ounce of strength to bear it or tip the scales the other way. I had to get help the way a person would get help to fight off any other disease. Healing, even partial healing, is 100% worth it. Our moment in the sun is worth seizing. I am just a schmuck who is in no way professionally qualified to offer any life-saving words of wisdom. I can only offer humble words of encouragement to hold on to life. Persevere through these shits. They will pass.

[quote] I would never give my enemies the satisfaction of seeing my die that way. I have to go on living, no matter what it takes, so that I can someday dance on their graves.

Try this attitude, OP. Get mad rather than sad; you’ll feel stronger and will turn that destructive feeling outward. Fuck the economy!

Stay with us so we can all be mad and bitch about everything together. We love you, you’re one of us, and we need all of us we can get.

OP, Expensive, but you only die once.

I understand where you are coming from. I spent much of my life in that state of mind. A few things have always been true about it.

One is that I usually felt that way when I felt dejected or rejected by other people. The objective reality is that other people come and go in life and only a very few really matter much at all.

Another is that I often felt disappointed in myself and my achievements and felt like there was no point in going on. Objectively, though, happy endings and tragic endings to lives are arbitrarily chosen; these moments come and go throughout our lives. If you choose to end your life during a downswing, then you've chosen a tragic story for yourself. Why do that? Things will get better (and then worse again—that's the nature of life—and then better again).

We're told living for ourselves and by ourselves is wrong and bad, but that is a subjective opinion and one you can reject if you can free yourself from others' viewpoints.

I took ayahuasca and had a breakthrough realization of two things: One is that if you end your life before your life's story is meant to end, you will always regret it. The other is that your life's story is just that, an immersive, interactive story that YOU opted into. You wanted this experience and you will be disappointed in yourself if you bail out on it before it's over.

As bleak as everything can feel, life is absolutely full of potential to surprise beyond your fantasies even if you are living the most mundane life imaginable.

Stick around and consider the wonder of things that happen.

Think about every one of your favorite movies and books. How many of them are totally happy stories? How many totally positive stories have you gravitated to throughout your life? Almost none. Drama, fear, the unknown are major parts of this life experience. Accept it. Realize that you are living inside of a great story that is your life and that the upsetting times are a big part of what makes the story compelling and also are the counterpoints that make the highlights feel so high.

[quote]I don’t care if this is fake or not.

I kinda do, because the people who respond to these threads are always helpful and putting themselves out there, often sharing painful stuff, while the people who post these threads are often fakers doing it to get a lot of "karma" in likes and replies, or because they're emotional leeches, or they want to make people feel miserable.

My sympathy goes entirely to people who respond on these threads because they all seem real, genuine, and helpful and nice, but I rarely trust the people who START these threads. We get so many. It doesn't seem normal.

>> I tried calling a suicide hotline and they hung up on me.

Sorry, but that made me laugh.

I work on a crisis hotline and there is NFW anyone would hang up on you unless you were threatening and abusive.

I call bullshit.

R103 I wrote that. It really doesn’t matter. We can Trolldar op. It costs me nothing to give love even if the other person is being fake.

The world is a mess right now. It exacerbates depression. The key is not to turn to something dark like Q like so many have.

I hope op got to sleep.

[quote] I took ayahuasca and had a breakthrough realization of two things: One is that if you end your life before your life's story is meant to end, you will always regret it. The other is that your life's story is just that, an immersive, interactive story that YOU opted into. You wanted this experience and you will be disappointed in yourself if you bail out on it before it's over.

^^This. I have not experienced ayahuasca myself (as I was asked to be a monitor for those who were doing so) but I heard REPEATED stories of this from those who imbibed the substance.

While this might be not the ideal time (ie, severe depression/suicidal thoughts) to advocate the ingestion of psychedelic substances, the tide is slowly turning on natural substances and their benefits in depression/anxiety. Some colleagues have reported great success with microdosing psilocybin (aka magic mushrooms).

There’s a great thread on DL about this where posters are also supportive and kind, OP*

*Agree with R106. I like to believe the best in folks, and I would rather respond to someone struggling than cynically write them off as a troll. If they are a troll, so be it. But there are obviously others here (thankfully) who are not.

OP feels like a fake thread....Expect more dramatics since we all fell for this one...

I understand it doesn't matter to you r106, and I have no problem with it not mattering to you.

Keep in mind that I never told you that you were wrong, I simply gave my different opinion on the topic, because sometimes it's a good idea to have a conversation with multiple points of view. This seems like one of those times.

In general, I worry that some people on DL are being bombarded with these once-a-week "suicidal" posts and it could be doing them real harm. This is an anonymous troll-filled board, after all, and there are a lot of people here with bad intent.

[quote] I would never give my enemies the satisfaction of seeing my die that way.

I know it may come off as a bit silly, but that was mainly my motivation to remain HIV negative. All the haters in the 90s saying shit like "all fags (should) get AIDS and die!" motivated me to practice safe sex and remain HIV negative just out of spite.

[quote] You wanted this experience and you will be disappointed in yourself if you bail out on it before it's over.

I believe in that, too. We arrive in this reality with a checklist of conditions and challenges we want to face, and conquer, in order to not only grow as a person but expand in a higher spiritual sense and accumulate greater knowledge about this reality and what we are capable of.

It doesn't really matter if OP is fake. There are plenty of depressed people on DL that might get comfort or help reading a thread like this one. And that's really the beauty of threads like this one. It's not just to blow smoke up OP's ass, it's about like-minded DLers putting all the snark and shade aside and support one another.

R109 it feels real because many ARE going through this more frequently.

Think "three". How ill life be for you in three minutes, three days, three months, three years? How you feel now might seem overwhelming to you now but it matters that you believe us all when we say that you have a future, one in which there will be great times and shitty times, but times worth living. Call a friend to hold hands with you and if it's only over zoom or FaceTime. You should't be alone right now.

R107 I haven't microdosed and so I probably should not comment on it, but with that caveat out of the way...I follow psychedelic science carefully, and it seems that people who microdose seem to do it with an emphasis on productivity, often with a financial/business-oriented motivation, and I find that weirdly contrary to my experiences with ayahuasca, which have been utterly spiritual.

I'm the person who wrote above about ayahuasca, and I actually would go so far as to highly recommend it for someone who is suicidal. The only major disclaimer is that it CANNOT be taken by people who are taking antidepressants or who have major cardiovascular diseases. Otherwise, it's physically harmless and unless a person is predisposed to psychotic illness such as schizophrenia or bipolar type I, it's also psychologically beneficial. It can be traumatic in its own way, but in most cases it is healing in the short term and in all cases it is healing over a long term.

It's impossible to explain why and how because breakthrough psychedelic experiences are true in a way that cannot be conveyed in words. But suffice it to say that they put this life into context as a blissfully calm dreamlike state and a break from the ultimate reality, which is overwhelmingly stimulating and which also is undeniably interconnected—all beings are one being. Here and now, we are fragmented from one another and our experiences of one another are catalysts for dramatic narratives that are tied to emotions.

It's a really fascinating immersive virtual reality that we are in in everyday life.

Here's one way ayahuasca put it into perspective and context for me: observe infants who are newly born into this world, up until the point at which their minds are reprogrammed by language. Watch how fascinated they are by colors, textures, and all their senses. Everything is a fascination to them, everything is a state of playful interaction. (Dogs and other animals are similar.) They are more attuned to sensory experiences and all that matters to them is the immediate moment. The way I see it, they are in a way 'tripping' on the sensory experiences of this world when it is new to them and before it is explained to them. They come from somewhere else and this world is new and fascinating to them, and they appreciate it and are thrilled by it, very similarly to how people who take psychedelics are thrilled (sometimes also terrified) by their unfamiliar new experiences. Even the effect of gravity—watch how young children laugh when they see something fall, because it's a new and curious phenomenon to them.

That's how we come into this world, and as we learn and age, we forget the novelty and wonder of it, and breakthrough psychedelic experiences remind us of another place and of when we were newly arrived here and how much wonder we found when we arrived. We did want to be here, and over time, we are taught to shift focus away from the wonder of this dreamlike world and instead to focus on labors and productivity.

That is a curse, but it is also a choice to buy into that state of mind once you remember your onetime joie de vivre.

Most of us are drawn to people who have a childlike appreciation for life and an authentic joy of life because we once had that and buried it over time as we begrudgingly consented to becoming responsible adults and denying simple pleasures—and I mean the simplest ones, such as basking in sunlight, stopping and feeling a breeze, "stopping to smell the roses," and pausing in front of vibrant primary and secondary colors and taking a few minutes to drop the resistance and allow the vibration to penetrate you and arouse excitement.

We are all hung up on making our lives 'worth it' by accomplishing something supposedly great, but that is absolutely not why we are here. 'Greatness' is agreement among human beings that an individual has done something exceptional, and something really exceptional among adults is allowing oneself to feel a childlike sense of wonder and excitement with everday experiences.

People with such fragile minds, who can be convinced by an anonymous comment to kill themselves, should be kept away from social media and anonymous message boards like this one.

I made the deliberate decision to appreciate more. I rather go down the rabbit hole and watch funny and cute animal videos than check the latest on Trump and his Deplorable army. There is a lot of negativity out there, but there are also a lot of nice things one can appreciate. It should be obvious that too much negativity, and not enough positivity, in your life is detrimental to your mental health. And I believe bad mental health leads to bad physical health. It's not easy, but if you tend to get depressed easily it very well might be that you have a toxic, negative mindset that needs to be fundamentally changed where you look for things to appreciate rather than look for things that push you into a depressed state of mind.

Suicide rates have gone down since 2018, r111.

[quote]People with such fragile minds, who can be convinced by an anonymous comment to kill themselves, should be kept away from social media and anonymous message boards like this one.

This is exactly what I was talking about when I said that these threads can be harmful. DL is full of complete fucking assholes who happily say something judgemental like this, and these threads facilitate that. We have tons of them.

I'm not stopping any of you from posting whatever you want. I'm not flagging this thread or complaining to Big Mama Muriel about it. I'm just speaking my piece. But if you can't handle a difference of opinion expressed in a moderate way then don't go calling others "fragile" people who should be banned (by law, I guess?) from even coming to DL.

I don't think mind-altering drugs like Ayahuasca should be recommended to people who suffer from suicidal thoughts. Especially taking them unsupervised.

Drugs only enhance the current state of mind. When you are happy you get a happy trip, if you are not happy you will have a terrible, nightmarish trip. People with suicidal thoughts on drugs? I'm sorry, I think that can only lead to total disaster.

Same with using drugs as a means of self-medication.

Quote from the link.

[bold] Dangers of self-medication [/bold]

Trying to self-medicate a mental health issue can create a myriad of problems beyond the risk of becoming addicted to your substance of choice. Self-medicating can also:

Make symptoms worse. Trying to self-medicate a mental health issue can worsen existing symptoms or even generate new symptoms.

Interact with prescription medications. Abusing alcohol or drugs can interact with any other medications you’re taking, either negating their effectiveness or causing unpleasant side effects.

Trigger new mental health problems. If you’re already at risk for a mental health disorder, drinking heavily or using drugs could lead to the development of new problems—beyond those that prompted your self-medication in the first place. For example, opioid and alcohol use has been linked with triggering depression, and marijuana and methamphetamine use with psychosis.

Delay or prevent you from seeking help. When you’re set on a course of self-medicating it can be hard to change direction and seek healthier, more effective methods of dealing with your problems. Once you recognize how your substance use is only adding to your problems rather than solving them, though, you can move on to tackling the issues once and for all.

STOP posting to OP.....Give it a rest...WE are not the authority on Mental Health and Suicide....OP has multiple choices posted where they can seek resources from professionals....

Thank you, R113, for such an elucidating and descriptive post. Helpful and insightful.

I can only share perspectives of aya/psilocybin from an observer perspective: not as one who has personally experienced them. From a group of approximately 50 individuals on an aya journey, 2 experienced “challenging” trips. Both were seriously....seriously anxious. Do you believe the state-of-mind of the person can adversely impact the aya journey?

Also appreciate the perspective on psilocybin. Yet, microdosing has been used with significant results for those with trauma/painful psychological states. We are still learning about the potentialities of this substance in controlled (legal) environments.

Interestingly enough, I know of someone who takes aya several times a week and has done so since approximately 2006. He uses his “spiritual knowledge” for ego/financial advancement. I’ve always found him to be a contradiction and avoid him at all costs. (He is a fellow physician.)

Suicidio!

In questi fieri momenti

Tu sol mi resti

E il cor mi tenti

Ultima voce

Del mio destino

Ultima croce

Del mio cammino

Studies show that regular exercise like jogging has the same effect as anti-depressants

R117 No mind-altering substance (including pharmaceutical antidepressants and anti-anxiolytics) should be taken without professional guidance. That includes ayahuasca, which is a traditional Amazonian medicine administered by curanderos who train for decades to administer the medicine with careful guidance.

But ayahuasca and other psychedelics, it must be said, are *not* equivalent to drugs such as alcohol that are commonly used for self-medication. They are profoundly different.

Alcohol and other 'numbing' drugs are depressants that make people tune out from their senses and their minds. They cause physiological depression, including decreased respiration and metabolism, and they cause such a numbing of mental faculties that people often contribute to their problems under the drugs' influences by behaving recklessly.

Psychedelics make people more acutely attuned to both their senses and their minds, including thoughts and mental perceptions. The 'danger' is causing overwhelming 'perceptive overload' that can be challenging to process, rather than mindlessness that leads to compulsive denial and self-endangering behaviors.

The hardest part of a breakthrough psychedelic experience is 'integrating' the profound, usually life-changing realizations into everyday life, and that is best accomplished through guidance of experienced people who are trained in coaching people through the integration process, which lasts months or years, depending on the experience and the person.

But unlike the long-term effects of alcohol use, painkiller and even antidepressant use, nearly all people who take ayahuasca medicinally or for spiritual growth say it had a profoundly positive effect on their life, whereas those who take conventional drugs often refer to damages caused by that medication or self-medication.

The other difference is that alcohol and painkillers are acutely and chronically addictive, and prescription antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications have to be taken regularly for years or a lifetime, and ayahuasca, MDMA, ketamine and others pack a punch and are usually self-limiting. No one gets permanently addicted to these medications. Ayahuasca can be both wondrous and alarming and people tend to take it once or a few times and then back away for years before taking it again, if ever again. MDMA loses its effects when taken regularly and so there is no risk of addiction. Ketamine, as currently used for depression therapy, is usually given only once in a clinical setting, with the therapist present to talk through the experience. So all of these are radically different than any substance used commonly to self-medicate.

Really don't care by this point if OP is really suicidal or not. There may be other folk reading these posts who are. This has been a hard time in our world. Gay men who aren't, 'camera ready' are more vulnerable. So, I'm all for offering comfort to any of our brethren who might be feeling this way. We have so much love & appreciation of beauty & art to give to this world. The world diminishes each time one of us gives in to the darkness & leaves the planet in this way.

And I say this because yes, I have been here & tried suicide & thank God, failed. I will never forget the look of sadness & the tears of my friend who showered & tried to revive me, before I was rushed to the hospital. Coming to & seeing my darling brother standing over me, tied into a bed crying his eyes out.

If you can't do it for yourself in this moment, any of you..do it for us..

Then get yourself any help you need..You are loved & held by something so wonderful, I truly hope you can find it.

R120 Thank you. Being able to listen to this should be reason enough to live.

[quote] From a group of approximately 50 individuals on an aya journey, 2 experienced “challenging” trips. Both were seriously....seriously anxious. Do you believe the state-of-mind of the person can adversely impact the aya journey?

Yes, absolutely. The standard practice for all psychedelic experiences is that "set and setting"—meaning your state of mind/mindset and the place and company with which you take them—are of primary importance and always influence the experience. Always. That's one reason all people are encouraged only to use them under guidance of experienced people who can help to keep their mindset and environment positive. (This is a primary role of shamans.)

I've taken ayahuasca five times. The first time, the effect was mostly physical and very uncomfortable.

I had a major panic attack and explosive diarrhea. I swore I'd never do it again. I did it again the next night with a more open heart, and I had an uplifting and transformative bodily and imagined experience with barely any visuals.

The third and fourth times were thrilling, comforting, moving, a little unnerving at times, and basically psychic and emotional roller coaster rides that re-instilled a sense of childhood wonder as described above.

The fifth time, I did it the night before my father had a major surgery I was worried he might not survive. (Bad state of mind.) I had become accustomed to a certain type of experience that did not include open-eyed visions/hallucinations, and this time the ayahuasca turned the world into The Matrix and then into a cartoon-world horror nightmare and then into space travel and then it sort of threw me up into a "cold," empty void and I had the exact type of experience from that point that people report as near-death or out-of-body. I was in a kind of isolated holding place that was diametrically opposed to everything comforting I had ever felt with ayahuasca before. There was nothing sensory, no sense of time, and I fought and then eventually gave up fighting the reality that I had fucked up and accidentally ended my life. Then I fought again, realizing and arguing that I had not completed my life's story and that I had not agreed to cutting it short, and I fell through an out-of-sequence flashback/forward of life events and opened my eyes and was back in my body.

It fucked me up. I had PTSD for around 18 months, including flashbacks and sudden panics that I would be "sucked" back out of my body and mind and thrown into that void again. Probably among the worst-case "bad trip" scenarios—and ultimately, the very best thing that ever happened to me in life. Honestly. I appreciate life now more than I ever could have imagined except as a young child. I don't fear death—only fear ending my story prematurely. My emotions are heightened and I can feel excitement again as I did when I was a kid. I thought obsessively about suicide from about age 12 until age 35 and that ended, full stop, with this 2015 experience. And I have little interest in ever taking ayahuasca again. It gave me what I needed, and it hit me with a sledge hammer because that is what I needed. Sometimes we need tough love.

Thanks for sharing your firsthand experiences, R125.

Troll

i too was feeling suicidal when i read this thread last night. typing with one hand right now because i was attacked by a loose dog last week and broke my arm among other injuries. 63, lesbian, live alone far from stores, etc. grateful for neighbors who've helped me but feeling profoundly alone as only one can when single and suffering a debilitating injury. i've been through this before and worse, but i was younger and stronger then. gets harder as i age. thanks to all who've posted. as you've said, you don't know who you're helping.

Sending healing thoughts your way, R128.

Did you break your dominant arm? Ulna? Metacarpals? Any surgery required? (<——Hopefully not.)

Heaps of TLC to you....

If you've come to Datalounge for inspiration to save your life this is definitely the last stop on your tour, OP.

broke left humerus near the top, should be ok eventually -- badly bruised dominant right hand and knee and left cheekbone. can barely walk but after a week of healing time i can now open a doorknob or bottle with my right hand. i was able to take a shower and dress myself yesterday -- it's the little things, you know. everything is hard, wrong time of year for this... but neighbors stepping up, i'll be ok. it's just profoundly lonely to be here alone and physically struggling. i've been on dl since2004 and feel like this is family to me through good and ill. thanks for being here, guys.

Has OP posted again? Just making sure he/she checks in.

Also, for anyone who is feeling depressed and/or anxious, please continue to seek professional help, whether through talk therapy or with medications. I’m a strong proponent of medication when necessary and there have been startling recent studies on microdoses of ketamine and LSD for depression. Thousands of scientists and physicians spend their entire careers working to pull people out of depression so do whatever you need to avail yourself of those benefits. Download one of the new online therapy apps, make sure you get daily sunlight (or buy a sun lamp), play with animals, give to others. Put one foot in front of the other. Brush your teeth, make your bed. Go to a bookstore. Speak to a stranger in a coffee shop or department store. Stay active. Keep reaching out.

We all need each other.

You matter. You matter. You matter. It’s a deception to believe the ultimate lie that you do not.

[quote] broke left humerus near the top, should be ok eventually -- badly bruised dominant right hand and knee and left cheekbone. can barely walk but after a week of healing time i can now open a doorknob or bottle with my right hand.

Ouch. Sounds like quite a dog.

[quote] it's the little things, you know. everything is hard, wrong time of year for this.

Absolutely. Have been there myself, so can completely empathize. The holidays heighten things, too.

Hang in there.

As the above two posters state: we all need each other and.....you matter.

Depression is a lie! It’s like satan

R128 I can't STAND when lesbians post here. It's like, can't gay men just have something of our own?

But, I am sorry that happened to you.

R137, this is a GAY website for men and women. Piss off

sorry, r137. when i came here in 2004, there was actually a lesbian section -- but that's been gone for a long time. talk to muriel.

[quote] [R128] I can't STAND when lesbians post here. It's like, can't gay men just have something of our own?

Perhaps this is not the ideal time - or thread - to post about your prejudices, R137.

Just a thought.

And we're back! In Peace and Love!

And we're walking......and we're walking back to the Goodwill Pathway!

R138 Bull fucking shit. Lesbians and gay men have absolutely nothing in common. You get your own site. Ugh.

R140 Well I SAID I was SORRY she got BIT!

(spoken like Eunice, in my mind.)

Having any concern over a broken bone is actually demonstrated evidence that you don't really want to be dead. :)

If you really didn't care about living, you wouldn't care about anything at all in life.

Apologies for the misogynistic gay(s). They know not what they do.

R142, I have several gay women friends . You type flamer .

R142, but you worship straight women right?

Bless you child and stay alive you MATTER.

STOP IT RIGHT NOW YOU VAPID TWATS! This is SO NOT YOUR MOMENT! TAKE YOUR FIGHT ELSEWHERE!

So many people are suffering right now too Op. it’s a tough time right now.

[quote]I can't STAND when lesbians post here.

This is why no one likes you, PattiFan. You're already getting attention on other threads, you don't have to pitch a hissy fit on this one, too.

When's the last time OP posted?

[quote] I tried calling a suicide hotline and they hung up on me.

OP, those of us who have had friends and family actually commit suicide don't think this is funny or entertaining. You are carrying these made up little stories you do too far. Get a fucking life.

I think last night around 11PM...

OP send us proof of life!

I'm still alive. I was comforted by your words and went to sleep. I slept for a long time. Feeling a tiny bit better now, but I fear the night and the feelings of loneliness and desperation it brings. Nevermind. I have your wonderful words of kindness to read and I'm so glad I came here, because you're the best suicide hotline anyone can ask for.

I'm a little surprised that people think my post is fake. It isn't. I don't know how to prove it but it's very real. I think the reason there are many similar threads is that so many people are really depressed and hopeless these days. My psychiatrist says there is a second pandemic going on, of depression and hopelessness. I KNOW it's incredibly selfish of me but the thought that so many of you understand what I'm going through makes me feel a bit better.

R155, get some Vitamin D supplements

Love you OP. Glad you're still with us. Thanks for checking in.

OP, a few things. I'm not a big believer in "you should...." for anyone but I will share what helped me.

I hit a spot about 10-15 years ago where - well, if I wasn't overtly suicidal I was feeling that continuing on was useless. I am not a big pharmaceuticals person, but my doctor put me on a very low dose of an antidepressant (in my case Celexa) and it actually did wonders for me. But I stayed on it for maybe 90 days or so and then weaned myself off.

A few years after that I found that the evenings weren't terrible, but I was waking up at like 2-3 AM and having a Dark Night Of The Soul moment. But I tried to sort of meditate when it was happening. Some of it was my body just not feeling secure being alone in my apartment, and some of it, quite frankly, was my desire for sex sort of coming out intensely at strange hours. Anyway, I made sure if I had that kind of insomnia I had some lighthearted movies around, including a porn or two (!) - your taste may vary but my point here is that I tried to use the concept of "redirection" - to distract myself from the mood I was sinking into, without throwing myself into another silo of worry or complicated thoughts.

PS If you are a person who is active on social media or reads/watches news you may want to take a brief sabbatical from that. For sure, limit social media after a certain point in late afternoon/early evening. Even if it's not bad news, seeing other people's profiles can give us a bad case of the Grass Is Greener syndrome. (It never is, though!)

Smooches, OP. Hang in there!

When I was clinically depressed decades ago, Joseph Campbell was doing his lectures on PBS. I never forgot his message of life itself being the point. "You cut the grass every week...does the grass give up. stop coming back? Does it think, "what's the point of anything, I'll just get cut again?' Be like nature in that sense, the point is the experience of life--that's it.

We're not on our journey to save the world but to save ourselves. But in doing that you save the world.

Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.

A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.

The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature.

I don't believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.

Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.

We're so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being alive, is what it is all about.

OP, is there something you can do today to break the cycle of being alone with your thoughts? A drive to the mountains or a boat ride even if it's something tourist-y that will get you out in the world to see things? Lunch at a favorite place? Go somewhere to enjoy the beauty of nature or some other sensory distraction?

Re psychedelics....I saw a young American guy have a psychotic break when he took magic mushrooms and it persisted after the drug's effects had subsided. It was in a small surfing town in Sri Langka years ago, and there were NO facilities to help him at all. It sounded like he didn't have any support in the US either. Scary and sad, and I would suggest not experimenting with psychedelics if you have any tendency toward psychosis, and definitely not without supervision, ie, a doctor who can tranquilise you if necessary.

Suicidal thoughts are like having a homicidal maniac living in side your head, trying to kill you.

OP if you're in a state where marijuana is legal you could consider a low dose of an edible. (If you have used marijuana before and know your body's general reaction to it)

I was suicidal and an alcoholic. Therapeutic ketamine literally saved my life. My health insurance even paid for most of it, and I just had a copay. Six sessions later, I feel better than I have in years.

R155 hang tough, you will be so glad you did ! A dear friend told me when i was depressed, he said op keep putting one foot in front of the other. It sounds kinda silly BUT IT WORKS !!!! Just KEEP PUTTING ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER.

Cant you just self medicate with meth, coke, alcohol, and mindless sex, like everyone else???

I’m surprised more people haven’t suggested turning to religion. OP could talk to a local minister.

R166 Religion has its own complications. I'm not suggesting it has no value, but if one is not established with a particular congregation it could be a negative - either they would gently decline to help (because they want to know it's a person from their church community) or worse yet, with an evangelical type church, they'd probably take advantage of that person and manipulate them, which doesn't solve their issues or help them learn coping mechanisms.

I would sooner recommend a therapist to OP - the Psychology Today Find A Therapist search page is one of the most useful search platforms on any website for ANY reason I have ever located. You can narrow down by so many filters: what insurance the therapist takes, gender of therapist, LGBT friendly therapists, etc.

Exploring faith would be a good thing to explore once OP's more short term struggles are stabilized. And of course that's another different conversation, as far as what a person's explorations might be in that realm.

How hard is it to obtain ketamine on street?

R167, but seeking help from a church could not only help with the current issues but also benefit him for eternity.

It's not your time! Learn your cues. You're right here in the script. Nobody else knows your part. You'll exit stage left when I say so!

Hey lady, you lady, cursin' at your life

R103 you feel sorry for the people on the thread who are offering help? Who are being vulnerable and reaching out to someone (they perceive) is suffering? Nah. Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Alcoholics Anonymous, transactional analysis. cognitive-behavioral therapy... and now peer-reviewed science... all agree that "helping someone else" has immediate and efficacious impacts on the person who is helping.

In this 21st century of brutal, grievance-fueled anger, and resentful isolation built in the digital universe... reaching out to help someone else is good thing to try.

Why would you buy it on the street, r168? You are closely monitored in the ketamine clinics. They have comfortable chairs, monitor your vitals, and watch in case you have issues. They also have integration psych Drs to talk to after, if you like. There are telehealth physicians who will ship oral troches to you, if you want to do it at home. This is much cheaper than going into the clinics. I tried this, but didn’t like it as much. It’s a lighter dose, and you aren’t in a controlled environment (pets were barking, neighbor came to the house to ask a question etc). You really need to be able to isolate yourself.

This is the clinic that I used that will ship to your home.

Don't do it. Don't give those fuckers that satisfaction.

[quote] Suicidal thoughts are like having a homicidal maniac living in side your head, trying to kill you.

It really is like that. I am the "ayahuasca guy," and while I am spiritually inclined, I'm not religious at all and I don't believe in things like demonic possession, but I can understand how the idea of it might have sprung from obsessive thoughts about killing oneself. (I imagine homicidal people might have similar thoughts that are directed outwardly?)

My suicidal ideation began around puberty, when my friends all turned on my and I was totally alienated from all my peers because I was gay. I went from being the happiest, sunniest little kid to a total social pariah, and of course I blamed myself for it as confusing as it was. I festered for years, and I started to have extremely violent thoughts, but all self-directed violence. From that point on, my default in any difficult situation was always "I'll just kill myself." It became my normal operating system.

In my 30s, I started seeing a psychiatrist and I tried to change it. I was in a really dire state at the time for reasons that turned out to be partially health related, and she put me on several psych meds that basically turned down the volume on all the obsessive thoughts about ending my life. The *only* reason I never harmed myself physically was because I knew it would kill my mother.

My shrink explained depression to me in a new way that made a lot of sense of it to me: she said it's like a monster/a demon/however you want to personify it that has a hold of you, and you can often break free from it and start to walk away, but as soon as you get a certain distance, it grabs your leg and drags you back underground. That's really how it always felt to me. There was no escape. In clinical terms, she said this kind of depression is really an obsessive thought pattern. She said that taking the psych meds would quiet the overwhelming thoughts while we did cognitive behavioral therapy and self-talk to break that obsessive thought pattern.

It worked from a conscious standpoint, but I still slipped into that way of thinking in really dire situations.

I'm not saying this to promote ayahuasca, but it was taking ayahuasca that ended it for good. I'll describe it below just because I think it *could* be a useful exercise.

Here's also another way to reframe your worries about the future and about being alone: We are alone ALL THE TIME. Nearly everyone spends a lot of time alone. It's totally fine. We don't panic about it. Why do we worry about being alone? Because we're worried about the future, and often people are trained to worry about the idea of dying alone. That's a primary reason people cite for wanting to be in a relationship. Well, there are couples who are together for 65 years and then one of them dies and the other one spends years alone and they die alone. Almost no one dies in the company of their loved ones. If you live in the moment, which is FINE, then you won't obsess over the notion of what you have and don't have and what you may never have or may lose. There's really no point. Right now, you are most likely actually totally fine, and so you worries and fears are all either rooted in the past, which can't come get you today, or the future, and the majority of worries about the future never become reality. If you were alone two weeks ago and you felt OK, then you're OK being alone today. Being upset about it is really unfounded. It really is.

I mentioned above the really extreme breakthrough experience that ended my suicidal thoughts permanently, but I didn't mention the third experience, which also made me care a lot more about myself. Maybe that is worth mentioning (for the sake of the depressed OP). And I am not suggesting that you take ayahuasca, but maybe you can still put yourself in my place in this situation or even do what I did physically as a personal exercise.

The third time I took ayahuasca, I was having inner visions, but suddenly I was provoked to stand up and walk to the bathroom and turn on the light. I looked in the mirror, and "the voice" of ayahuasca (It is *really* hard to characterize how this works, but it feels like a telepathic mind-to-mind conversation, as crazy as that is.) told me to describe out loud what I was looking at. I thought "it's me. Obviously, I know it's me." But then all of a sudden, my reflection didn't feel like I was looking at myself anymore. It was like I was looking at any other human being from the outside. (This is depersonalization.) "The voice" told me to describe the person I was looking at and I kept resisting because I *knew* it was me and I would only describe myself based on the flaws that make me self-conscious, but I would *never* look at a stranger that way or especially describe them that way out loud. And it was really, really confusing.

What could I say about this guy? He just looked like some average guy. Not remarkable, really.

And I realized how cruel I am to myself, and suddenly I was flooded with the realization that while I think of myself as a nice and gentle person, I am an absolute abusive monster of the kind you see beating up his wife on a TV talk show--it's just that I hide that part of myself inside myself and direct all the violence and hatred toward myself. I suddenly had to confront that I, the person inside of me/my mind, is viciously cruel, an absolute monster, to me, the guy in the body who goes about his days like anyone else trying to do a good job and not disappoint people including himself. I was in a sick and twisted emotional relationship.

I'm sure the emotional influence of the ayahuasca made this more profound than it reads conceptually, but it changed my life. I had to really recalibrate my sense of self, not only to become nicer to myself, but to accept that I am actually capable of great evil and unimaginable abuses of a person, but my psyche hid that from public view by committing all those abuses against me instead of other people.

It totally changed my worldview. I am so much more forgiving of myself, and I think of myself in a way now as both my mind and ambitions as well as some guy going about his life trying to do his best who doesn't deserve abuse from anyone. I'm also less forgiving/tolerant of others, and I've discovered better balance in having some anger directed toward others who offend me, whereas I used to keep that inside and eventually direct the anger toward myself.

You are "just some average person." It's egomaniacal to be disappointed in yourself for not being some great person who accomplishes great things...who are you to think you're so much better than others? It's abusive and cruel to be disappointed in yourself for not being perfect or looking perfect or having a zillion friends and being the life of the party...who are you to expect any of that of yourself when you don't actually *want* to do those things, after all? You just want to be good and liked, and it's a reality that if you don't like or respect yourself, no one will either.

Treat yourself exactly the same as you'd treat any stranger on the street. Don't expect greatness from them, and don't look at them as a failure. They're trying their best.

Helen Lawson, in her third biography, was asked why she didn't kill herself. I echo her response:

[quote]The fucker hasn't been born who could not want me to live for another tomorrow. I don't care if you tell me the sun will come up tomorrow, I will be there to see it.

I will be cunting tomorrow.

How are you doing, OP?

I think OP either died or was a troll.

No. Don't, OP. Do what I do. Binge wholesome videos on YouTube. Here. Watch these deaf kids reacting to hearing for the first time after getting aides or Cochlear implants. It helps to remind me there is still good in the world and not to give up.

[quote]I will be cunting tomorrow.

The cunts will come out, tomorrow

Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow

There'll be cunts

OP wasn't a troll. Enough with the troll talk already! (MARY!!!!!!!!!)

OP!

You told Harpo to BEAT ME!

R183 how do you know he was not a troll?

Is OP dead yet?

Is OP my friend Julie?

Op's post wasn't an EST. He's also checked in this morning. Doing a little better, but worried about how dark he might feel at night

Glad you're here Op. As someone who simply has to.manage long-term significant depression, I try to be a little objective about it. It's pretty deeply embedded, but it does pass and I do have ways of getting through it. Exercise does help with mood regulation. I walk and, yes, play fucking Pokemon to get myself outside. I have a bedtime routine. In my case, I read a book that's interesting and escapist enough that I don't fall into existential dread when trying to fall asleep. The depression is definitely at its worst then.

Sometimes I just need to do a small task that gives me a sense of doing something, like folding clothes. Sometimes I need music. Sad music if I need the catharsis, happier music if I need to lighten my mood.

You deserve love. Love yourself enough to do something that makes you a little happier.

OP, I sing this for you!

Attention seeking thread.

If you fear the night make a plan now. I suggest getting out for a drive. Clean. Something.

Again, who cares if this is fake. I don’t believe it is. It certainly will help seeing all the wonderful replies. We all feel like shit these days. I believe in empaths. I believe the country is so negative rn empaths feel it acutely. Find a light somewhere. Who knew DL would be that light last night? Lol

R188, I play Pokémon go too. It’s a great distraction when I’m out somewhere waiting in line and bored. It also makes walks more interesting.

My ass is tired

R190 As opposed to your attention-seeking post?

It's the fucking internet's social media, Sherlock ... everyone is seeking attention. And the nature of social media is such that any attention is only more crack to the crackhead.

I have 190 blocked asa Boris

R135, feeling a bit better now. Neighbors informed me dog (a pit mix) was picked up today and will be put down since he bit a kid a few days after he went after me. Cold comfort as I am a dog lover, but that's one less worry for when I'm out walking. Since I'm a veteran, the VA has told me they will probably send a CNA out twice a week for a couple of weeks, so that's good.

Thanks for all the good thoughts, everyone. Here's hoping I have a better night tonight, and I wish all a good night to those of us who gather here at DL.

Still not buying it.

R128 SO GLAD TO HEAR !!!! HANG TOUGH ! Sometimes you just have to shake your fist at the sky and say you arent going to beat me ! Keep going ! I promise you it will get better !

Lord.

Here of all places, this thread.

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren’t lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live.

R128 I am glad you lived and this thread helped you. Please stay strong. If you need anything let us know. We are here for you, too. 🤗

Hey, OP!

Me neither R197.

OP let's cut through all the static. I died - I saw the other side - pain does not end....you have to solve everything here, that's the point - if you do it, you will suffer and come back even worse. believe me. get a good therapist, get on some good meds.....you have to work it out here.....please just believe me, ok?

R204, what is next?

Do we relive the same life?

Just kill yourself, you're weak and society doesn't want you, do it now!

R206 is just evil. Ignore it like the rest of the world has.

Cats and music

[quote] I saw the other side - pain does not end....you have to solve everything here, that's the point.

We’re all headed to back to Annwn—the Other Realm through the Veil, or the Summerlands if you prefer—and there’s no suffering there. Just frolics with the Gods. How’d you get lost, baby? Guess you didn’t stay long enough dead to find the bridge...

How many people want to help. So life affirming. Hang in there darling - don’t leave us. Xx

This is the reason the ACA requires mental health access for all enrolees.

OP needs to get their ass to a therapist.

OP in her ‘this cannot continue and yet it does’ era. been there myself i get it, it sucks

(all joking aside tho don’t die. we need the numbers so the hetero normies dont win!)

I had a friend who was suicidal, once.

And then she died.

Jump!

Jump!

Jump!!!!! Already!

Boris has shown up. Ignore. Russia is full of drunks and whores. They have nothing but trolling.

OP I hope you are having a decent evening and that you are feeling better. Sleep tight!

Remember, it is down the block and not across the street, for success.

Sometimes, life doesn't really "get better," frankly. But, like the Buddhists say: "Life is suffering." IMO, if you can accept that there is a lot of suffering in life with flashes of joy, passion, etc., I think you'll do better. Lower your expectations. Everybody suffers.

Ugly, fat people suffer more.

[quote]Ugly, starving people suffer more.

FIFY

r196 Good. Came back to this thread to make sure you were good. Glad to hear the VA is setting you up with a home aide. So I take it you're service connected? If so, that HHA should last as long as you need it to, if I'm not mistaken.

R221 is not the OP. Unfortunately, she was suicidal and the thread really helped her. As of now, OP is MIA.

Op where are you?

Life is suffering but we have sooooo much say in that. We choose to be ugly and negative. When we are ugly and negative it is an outlet for pain. It “feels good” to be negative vs positive. Pain needs an outlet. Sadly we do choose the negative outlet. There should be apps for just meeting people as friends. If there are, I’m not surprised they aren’t successful. We need to train ourselves to choose the positive outlet.

We don’t have to be friends with people to “hang out” with them. We need to do activities with others (like seniors do bingo). I’m 36 and had a friend who finds to go to the park to play games like Risk or frisbee. The rules are the relationships stay casual so others don’t feel pressure to hang out outside of the group and others are always allowed in. Also, conversation is highly structured to avoid touchy subjects. It works.

R219 and you would know.

R220 Fuck off, troll. I've never found your posts funny or clever. Just bottom feeding. R224 is five years old. I'm surprised your inferior brain can even stand up straight.

Oh wow the original post is now crossed out for me - does anyone else have that?

Not to be a dummy but what leads to that happening?

R226 After it gets FFed a certain number of times. If you believe ANY of these fake postings on here, you're a brain dead fucking turd. DL has been close to 100% troll postings for years now.

r222 Oh, no. Well, at least someone was helped from this thread. That's a bit unsettling.

r227 Wouldn't it be better to just ignore it instead of possibly making it worse if it, indeed, is a genuine person who has suicide ideation? Seems like the wise thing to do would be to ignore or, if one absolutely must respond, err on the side of caution and assume it's real. Maybe it's just me, but no matter how dark my sense of humour, I have no intentions of pushing someone to suicide.

R228 believes any lie thrown at her. What a moron. There is no fucking way to verify ANY posting on here which is why most of us recognize most postings as troll postings.

[quote]There is no fucking way to verify ANY posting on here

Exactly. Which is why the wise, not to mention humane, action is to either not respond if you're unsure or not say anything that could push someone to harm themselves in the off-chance that it's genuine. This isn't fucking complicated, sir.

Some of us do honestly come here for emotional support and advice. I got great, life changing advice earlier this year from this site. It is an odd place to seek support from, but there are a lot of genuinely kind, intelligent people here.

I find it much more trying to read through the nasty comments than to "risk" being sympathetic to someone who may be doing a little creative writing exercise.

I've always accepted the snark characteristic of DL posters, but the actual Russian/alt-right trolling and the pure nastiness (which some people seem to think is equivalent to humor) are exhausting and deterring. I don't like them. I don't find any value in them at all.

I'm really, really bothered that the site administrators did absolutely nothing about 2015-16, 2018 and 2020 political propaganda takeovers, which were totally overwhelming and changed the whole nature of the site, and I am also bothered by posters who never tire of saying shockingly mean things and seem to think what they are doing is supposed to be received as funny. It isn't funny. And it's not "so offensive it's funny." It's mindless and totally unentertaining and amounts to a trolling of its own kind.

I just don't get it. People always fall back on the tagline about bitchiness, but bitchiness is a certain kind of light snark; it's not "kill yourself," it's not repeating the same insults ad nauseam in an effort to make the insults meme-ish, and it's not mocking people with depression, suicidal thoughts, deceased loved ones or other serious personal crises who make pleas for support because they have none in their lives. People here—and there seem to be many—who say such things are no better, smarter, wittier or more respectable than Donald Trump, though I assume they hide their cruel natures behind their keyboard anonymity. I don't understand why people want to say things to cause real harm to other people, or why people feel like doing that is humorous. How did it come to this?

I completely agree with R232. And I'm not a bot or a troll.

There were a lot of helpful and kind responses on this thread before all the posters invaded with their name-calling and ridiculing us for taking this seriously.

Anyone. Who comes to DL for mental health advice needs to go to www. SeeYouAtTheSeance . com.

R234 There's a difference between seeking emotional support and expecting professional mental health services. There is nothing wrong with confiding in people and seeking out compassion in strangers who may have been through similar experiences and nees support.

I have posted here in dire times of health crises, professional crises and the loss of my mother, and some people's shared experiences have been consoling and helpful, and the hateful people and 'comedians' always feel pathetic even in desperately low times.

Yes - there are some lovely, wise posters on here. I've also been helped by A LOT of what has been posted over the years. I'm not using the site as a trained therapist, but I genuinely appreciate some of you bitches and what you have to say.

You people are idiots in believing this is real, there's a sucker born every minute.

I was suicidal at one point. You need to refocus your mind & emotions.

I hope these videos help someone on this thread =

Video #2 =

Sounds like you might need to watch this one OP =

How to deal with difficult feelings =

What to do when things

aren't going your way =

Not caring about things

that just don't matter =

How to rapidly breakthrough

when feeling stuck =

R237 Let's talk about you. You seem to have a desperate, all encompassing need to be right.

Does it make you feel better to shit all over this thread?

Please stop posting all those video promotions here. One is enough. If the OP finds the woman helpful, she can go to her YouRubw account page and see the rest.

R246 I didn't just post them for the OP & they're not "video promotions".

She is a life coach who helps folks in different aspects of their lives = personal thoughts & feelings, jobs, relationships, etc. & they're all free.

Some future depressed/suicidal DLers will do a search & this thread will pop up so I thought of their possible issues as well.

Also some of the responses on this thread aren't helpful &/or even downright cruel so I wanted to make sure there were plenty of self help aids as possible posted.

I chose to find a few videos/topics that the depressed/suicidal might want to think about looking at & I'm not apologizing for any of them.

R232 Yep, there is something troubling about people who are driven to "correct" other people's thinking about behavior, e.g. to get outraged when people believe the "lies" of "trolls" and other posters. It really doesn't matter, does it? The anger and outrage reveal something deeper.

Is the OP real? I sorta think so. So I wish that person light and support. If the OP is kidding, what does it hurt for me to send out good wishes? Ah, we are so addicted to grievance and social media is our dealer.

My attitude is if the OP is not genuine it's still kind and generous of so many DLers to assume that it is, just in case.

Also, I'm not suicidal but very prone to depression so this thread was helpful and often profound.

[quote]this thread was helpful and often profound.

I have major depressive disorder, anxiety, and ptsd. My father also died fairly recently. I'm not suicidal but, let's just say I'd like to not be alive anymore somehow, if that makes sense. For example, if someone were to put a gun to my head, I wouldn't care and would be deliberately uncooperative in hopes that it would make them pull the trigger. So, I found this thread helpful, also.

The point is, you never know who is reading the thread. I discovered this site years ago after search terms linked to a thread on here. This site is crawled by search engines and indexed. Anyone can stumble upon this. Just use wisdom, I say.

R250 great post! You’re 100% accurate, IMHO.

Take everything one day at a time, OP. Glad to know you're staying around.

Will you be offing yourself soon, OP?

My best black caftan just came back from the dry cleaner, so I'm ready for a funeral.

R253 wins the thread. I so want to lick your ass clean.

Tell me about it, stud!

Best black caftan LMAO.

Just checking in. Is he still alive?

Alas, I'm still alive. Which doesn't count for much, as half of the thread now seems to think I am fictional. Why?? Don't you believe there are lonely, unhappy people who turn to DL for human warmth because they have nowhere else to find it? Well, surprise: we are not ESTs. You can trolldar me, this is not my first suicide post. Someone might remember my other one where I was asking what to do with my cat if I die.

I'm not going to give anymore attention to the trolls because I think they are sadder people than me. Instead, I want to thank every kind soul who took the time to write to me, say a few warm words to me, take the piss off me, post me something uplifting or funny - I have been watching, listening and reading everything. You made all the difference. I'm not cured of depression (any more info on those ketamine treatments??) but I'm also not a shivering, tear-soaked ball of fat either... I decided to try Pokemon Go for walks and I wanted to ask ayahuasca guy, if he's still here, if he saw the purpose of life during his trips. I love you, bitches. I think you saved my sorry life... until the next time.

You're so full of feces, OP.

R258 yay! Glad you're ok!

Please pay ZERO attention to the idiots who say you're faking. Many times I've come here telling about things that happened to me, and there are always one or two morons to insist I'm making it all up. I always assume these people have such boring lives that they assume everyone else must too.

So glad you credit us for saving you, OP. I posted above that I loved you, because I loved your life. And I do.

Welcome back, OP.

Glad you're feeling a bit better Op. The holidays are a tough season for anyone who gets the mean reds. Pet your cat (who definitely wants you around in its weird feline way) and enjoy Pokemon. There's a thread about it somewhere here.

So relieved you are ok. You are valued. I am also relieved you are paying no attention to the trolls. Karma never forgets an address. Again, it never mattered if what you said was real, it caused wonderful dialogue and undoubtedly helped many people who read the posts. That’s all that matters.

Reach out any time you want. I’ll keep this thread on my watch list. You’ll feel suicidal again, as will many of us, so we’re here. Sometimes those who seem harsh, like many on DL, have the biggest hearts. And then there are the trolls. When you’re really down, remember, you could be one of them! LOL

Hugs!

OP is part of the 100% of trolls who infest DL.

R 123 here. Again who gives a rats if OP real or memorex or whatever. The woman who got attacked by the dog seemed real. Maybe there was someone reading who didn't post who got a lift. If someone got hellped in any way, who cares if OP is a troll, good happened despite trolling... It was lovely to see some outpouring of concern & humor to a fellow traveler on this road of life at this tough time.

Keep going OP, we need you...Your making it through inspires & can give hope & comfort.

Hope the lady w. the broken arm is better as well..

#GullibleQueens

R259 OP reminds me of this oldie-but-goodie.

R265 And our role in life is to discover, expose, judge, and condemn the gullibility of others.

The internets just reward and grow the bitterness in us.

The "the OP is a troll and you're all gullible" trolls in this thread in particular are coming across as extra pathetic.

R268 believes in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and OP.

I'm beginning to feel less lonely knowing that I have such a dedicated troll devoting time and energy to my thread. Thank you.

IF this is a troll post (I don’t believe it is) then A LOT of good came out of it unlike other troll posts.

R271..Yup right with you , mate. F the haters. Love the folk who took time to care & share from the heart, some laughs, & some great art! This is why I keep coming back here. Life affirming. Haters. Sometimes it is really clear who they really hate, themselves. There is more than enough compassion here, please I hope they can take some for themselves..

I'm doing a little bit better every day, R264 -- thanks for thinking of me.

Glad to hear that, R273

R272 Is cliche your first language?

RIP - OP

Unknown - 2021

R263 You're an idiot. You have no idea who the OP is. For you to make such a statement says whole lot more about you than it does the OP. Now, blow.

R277 is OP. Defending the troll OP. Fuck off.

R278 I'm not the OP. What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you doing this?

R279 Fuck off, troll cunt OP.

R280 You've appointed yourself the DL board police, it seems. Trying to ferret out all the trolls. You come across a person who is clearly in crisis, and is clearly reaching out for help. And you decide to deem him a "troll." Again, I ask, why?

What is it about his post that makes you think he's a "troll?" And how are you SO sure that he's lying? Did it occur to you that he might be telling the truth, and you may be actively causing someone to kill themselves? Are you that horrible of a human being that you don't care if that's the case?

Just like- what are you hoping to accomplish?

R281 is a troll and OP. Fuck off. Troll.

R205 some of it was explained to me - it's difficult to describe - I felt like you needed to "adjust" and I wasn't given time to do this. There's no vocal communication. Good emotions are intense, if you focus on them, however bad ones seemingly are also, until you change focus and compare them to the good ones (hope that makes sense). You do a life review, but you also feel and see everything the other people you reacted with see and feel - even someone you just walk by on the street, or the person behind the counter at the coffee shop. Time has no meaning - the past, present and the future are all happening at the same time. You can hear color and see music....it's weird - if you hurt someone, or did something wrong, my feeling was you actually go back and live their life - and you keep looping and looping until everything has been worked out - strange, I know - but that was my experience.

That's astonishing, R283. So we come back and fix things? But then why don't we retain the memories from our past life? And also - what is supposed to be "wrong" and in need of "fixing"? Is it meanness, suffering, what?

IDK R284 - what I could understand seemed to be around gaining true sympathy or empathy - "fixing" seemed to mean all conflicts coming to an understanding - like an agree to disagree thing - having tolerance, love and understanding for all creatures.....you don't retain memory - but you some are alive in more than one life at the same time as other people.....also there are many many levels of existence both on this and the other side. I don't ever talk about this, but I think the anonymity of this board, as well as hoping to help the suicidal person spurred me on.

R258 — OP, I'm glad to hear from you. It's been a wild holiday season for all of us on Earth, and for that, we must both accept our situations and regret them. I'm so glad you are alive, and proud of you for not taking the lunge. You will find better peace as time progresses on: as Omicron fades, caftans finally go out of style (for the FINAL TIME) and maybe the weather gets warmer. I send my best to you, friend.

Love to you, my friend, and may caftans never go out of style!

OP, It's me, the glamorous Arlene Dahl.

Listen, doll, I just wanted to let you know that there's a charming suite available up here between me and Cara Williams.

It can be yours, but you have to act fast. Word has it that Barbara Walters saw photos of it earlier this week and she's interested.

Send me a text, you have my number. We get free Wi-Fi up here . . . Who knew?

r258 Ah! Some actual good news. Glad to hear you're doing better. The little hiatus was a bit concerning.

[quote]I'm not going to give anymore attention to the trolls because I think they are sadder people than me.

It's a lot of hurting people on this website. I think, in a weird way, trolling is somehow cathartic/therapeutic for them. Good call ignoring it.

R258 THANK YOU. You hit in on the head. Anyone who feels the need to come police this board has a much, much sadder life than you do OP. That's not hyperbole, either. It's simple FACT.

Someone sees a post by a person in crisis, and his first instinct is to question the validity of the person- this is one sick puppy who was not raised right.

Hope things are getting better, OP. Like a character said in Anything Goes "It's always darkest before someone turns the lights on." ; - )

I won't lie to you, dear friends, I'm still struggling a little bit but every post here brings a big smile to my face. It's wonderful that you exist!

OP, that post just made my night. Thank you.

Keep smilin'

R288, I love you!

This is it! This is life, the one you get, go out and have a ball!