Millennials are becoming estranged from their parents

They’re going to regret that when they realize they need their parents to babysit their brats.

Who wants to get yelled at about Black Lives Matter for hour after hour? Old people have this idea that you can treat your family like shit because they're family and they have to take it. Wrong.

The irony, of course, is that the only people around to clean up their shit will be an immigrant they themselves voted to kick out of the country.

So glad I do not have children.

*Snort* Baby Boomers and Gen X are going to be the first uncared for elder generations.

Why "snort", r4?

It's natural to rebel from one's parents. Today, it's more acceptable to estrange yourself from toxic family members, and it's more acceptable to rely on therapists for support instead of parents.

However, at the same time, I keep hearing that millennials are living at home until their late 20s at a higher rate than ever before. This is understandable due to high rents and cost of living but stagnant salaries. Maybe living together longer exacerbates the normal tensions between parents and children.

I thought Millennials and Gen Z were best friends with their helicopter parents?

Your thermos going to sit in the outpatient surgery center then drive you home from your appointment?

Another divisive article based on a handful of anecdotes.

Millennials are almost 40! The ones I know love having the parents around because they can babysit and help with cash. Boomers are loaded.

Stupid. Multigenerational families are closer now than they were even 20 years ago.

GenX started inching away from their relatives decades ago but it's such a small generation that no one really noticed. Millennials are doing it in bigger numbers.

Anyway, these stories are just the old "Trump is tearing families apart" stories from a couple of years ago, slightly repackaged.

Social media is tearing families apart in the name of making a buck.

Then you have these foreign bots who pump out anti-family messing all day long (dad is toxic because he’s making me do my homework) and all the step family and half sibling drama and memes they stir up.

It’s a disaster for family units which what America’s enemies want.

It’s all a perfect storm. Could all this really be one big coincidence? Not likely.

Oh Please, social media is the symptom not the cause. Boomer parents who were more concerned about their careers then actually being good parents. You know, like taking that lower paying job so they could spend time with their kids. NO, that would NEVER happen in a Boomer world. Career comes first or all of the above. Well you reap what you sow. Millennials get more from social media than they do from the parents that now suddenly in retirement have a lot of time on their hands want to be involved.

I can understand why someone would cut of abusive parents, but it's pretty immature to cut them off because you disagree with them on something political. It's pure millennial though, the war on minor discomfort won't win itself.

Millennials are banking on change and boomers are old enough to know things (and people) dont change. Idealism does not mix with bitterness. Both are dangerous.

Estrangement from parents has been going on since late Boomer generation to some degree, and has simply picked up a bit of steam for those younger.

Many people are simply or finally realizing that their childhood and upbringing was not what they have built up in their minds. This coupled with new attitudes about familiar relationships is giving people courage to say what is on their minds, and or act if they deem necessary.

Deference to parents has been built into many cultures for ages. No matter what your mother or father did, to criticize or otherwise hold their parenting up to scrutiny just wasn't done. You certainly didn't disobey or disagree. Grown assed men and women well into their 40's and 50's sit down and take being lectured, belittled, and other hostile or aggressive behavior from parents.

Bringing this back on home, DL fav Stephen Sondheim was estranged from his mother for decades before her death. He did right thing by her in providing financial support, but for reasons known very well to Mrs. Sondheim her son basically severed all connections otherwise.

Yep, I'm a centrist millennials with older relatives and parents who are right-wingers.

Not interested in being too close to evil people who can't do critical thinking.

Yes, at least with me it's true. Both my adult kids have little or nothing to do with either of us. They are happy to hear from me when I text them but hey tend to be busy with their own lives and have little time to hang with anyone really. Why, after running a restaurant kitchen all week long would my son want to hang with me? he has his own friends and things he likes to do

That's fine with me. They were both raised to be independent people who dont need to cling to mommy or daddy. I have my own life, partner and friend and dont need my kids to make my life any happier. That's not their job.

[quote] *Snort* Baby Boomers and Gen X are going to be the first uncared for elder generations.

Nah, they’ll be fine. They’ll just have to spend all the inheritance that would have gone to Gen Y/Z on healthcare and retirement home rent.

LMAO at the triggered boomers on the thread.

They really think money and economic comfort will buy love and closeness. Sorry,not how life works.

[quote]Many people are simply or finally realizing that their childhood and upbringing was not what they have built up in their minds.

See, that's where Gen-X have you beat. We NEVER thought our childhood upbringing was great. Latch key kids, mom said "if the house catches on fire while I am gone, call the fire department. The number is by the phone. You are 5 years old now young man, you are an adult."

[quote] it's pretty immature to cut them off because you disagree with them on something political. It's pure millennial though

As others have said, this has been going on since at least the Boomer generation.

I bet the Qanon cult has had a devastating on many families. My mother is sailing a bit close to the wind with antivax stuff. I’m honestly not sure I could bear my parents if they were Qanon nuts.

There were lots of flat-earthers and fake news spreaders on Facebook in the Obama days, Qanon and Trump simply made this matter even worse R23.

There were also lots of anti-vax fraus back in 2013/2014 saying they only treated their children with natural medicines that didn't come from a lab and who were in favor of breastfeeding a child until the age of 6.

I don't think social media is to blame, I just think we underestimated the huge numbers of idiots in our society some 25 years ago, people are very prone to believe in myths.

Good riddance to the self absorbed brats !!!! No more cash to hand out to them or watch their brats. It was our plan all along

I'm a Millennial, and while I didn't speak to my mom for a year due to her reaction when I came out, I couldn't cut my parents entirely out of my life. However, I definitely don't make decisions regarding my life based on taking care of them...which might not be much different. I spent several years living in Europe, and my mom went on and on about how kids should move closer to their parents when the parents get older. I ended up moving back to the US and they were both excited, but I'm already getting antsy and looking to get another job abroad.

Fiction but Exhibit A:

We laughed then and still do now over how Eds treated her daughter Saffron. But make no mistake there are scores if not hundreds who grew up in similar or nearly same real life.

Mental abuse of children while slow to gain acceptance finally took hold. It is one reason why many parents (especially mothers) often loathe psychiatry in any form. It's always the mothers fault they'll say .

Mrs. Henry Vale owns this thread.

[quote] I spent several years living in Europe, and my mom went on and on about how kids should move closer to their parents when the parents get older.

Dude, you have been duped. Typical Boomers, all about them. The deal is the parents are usually the ones that are supposed to let go, scale down and move close to or in with their kids, not the other way around. Have you never heard of a Granny Flat?

Stop rocking!

A master class in how to take down your adult child. Unfortunately for Mrs. Henry Vale it brought on a coronary incident that caused her death.

Britney Spears is another example of a millennial, although she is on the twilight zone between Millennial/generation X to be estranged from her parents.

I'm on her side.

Never noticed before in that scene of Now Voyager how nurse Dora "slow walks" that code. Hahaha.

As a practical nurse you'd think Dora would rush to her patient to see what could be done, this and or tell servants or someone to fetch a doctor. But no; Dora just timidly approaches the fast growing cold body of Mrs. Henry Vale as if it was going to bite her..

Seriously r8. This article is silly.

[Quote]Despite a lack of hard data, there is a growing perception among therapists, psychologists and sociologists that this kind of intentional parent-child ‘break-up’ is on the rise in western countries.

That lack of hard data says it all.

There’s a lot of Reddit posts about this. It sounds like there are a lot of Qanon parents and grandparents now. I can’t blame people for wanting to be away from this stuff, it’s beyond frustrating to read these stories about people who have totally lost touch with all reality. They’re not all old though. A lot of them were Republican even before Trump, from Republican families, and Trump led them down the garden path to believe all these conspiracy theories. It’s tribalism more than it’s just “old person goes insane because they’re old.” I’ve read posters say they’re afraid they will inevitably go insane when they get old and start believing this Qanon stuff, as if it’s inevitable they’ll totally lose themselves in Trumpism and they can’t control themselves or think for themselves. Meanwhile, a lot of the Qanon posts are unfortunately about spouses of Qanons with young children worrying about divorcing and leaving their kid alone with a nut job during child custody visits, so they’re not just old people. They’re almost all Republicans, but it gets blamed on old people, not Trump-worshipping Republicans.

What bothers me are posts like the one I saw recently, where the poster claimed all Qanon people are old, all old people are racists, all old people hate computers, all old people are rich, all old people are Republican, etc. No, that’s your family and friends’ families, because you’re well off and you think everyone’s family is like your family. People don’t automatically get rich when they turn forty. Or own a house. Or vote Republican or believe in Republican cult ideas. Or play golf or whatever. You have to be living a really sheltered life to not know there are lower middle class and poor old people. It’s so arrogant to think that, and it just promotes hate towards old people.

If this keeps up, Qanon is basically promoting bigotry towards old people and making it acceptable to hate random old people you know nothing about. There have been attacks on Asian old people in the street, why old people? Why not people of all ages if it’s just about them being Asian? It used to be unacceptable to beat up old ladies, now it’s some kind of badge of honor to “punish” them for thinking things nobody knows if they think or not. People are dehumanizing old people through political memes and that’s scary.

[quote]There’s a lot of Reddit posts about this.

Reddit is an EST factory, I'd be surprised if we found out even 10% of what's posted there is true.

All I ask from you is unconditional love, obedience and respect!

My dad has been an alcoholic all my life and my parents made me bear witness to their awful marriage all my life, so I feel justified in wanting to be estranged from them.

OOH my eyes! my eyes!

My parents are hardcore Trumpers and alternative medicine nuts (B12, don’t eat wheat, etc). I have put up with over ten years of this and tried to stay neutral during the feuds between my mom and sister.

I got them talking again when my mom had cancer, but it lasted about six months and now they aren’t talking again. I just don’t have the mental or emotional energy to do anything but ignore the situation and engage them separately. I have a job where I have to contend with contentious people all day, so dealing with unnecessary manufactured drama from my family just makes me anxious and depressed. It would probably be easier if it wasn’t an extension of the rest of the world right now, with everything being about snark, name calling and disrespect.

I don’t see this reality as punitive, but rather just survival. Families aren’t perfect, but dealing with individuals who constantly engage you all riled up by Fox News, internet theories and more mental/emotional chaos for years is too much.

^^

Early gen X here and I remember when boomers were the generation way to the left of their parents. “All in the Family” anyone? That this generation is now regarded as the most reactionary I still can’t believe.

Gen Xer here. My parents kicked all their kids out of the house, some before they were 18.

I talk to them, but not as often as they wish I would. Sorry Mom, you treated me like shit...right back at ya!

Anti-vaxxers (crazy, MAGA old ones or self-righteous, ignorant young ones) are tearing families apart.

Well, the Baby Boomers will skip the asshole ingrates in their wills and leave everything to the grandkids.

Or, better yet, to the Moonies.

[quote]Not interested in being too close to evil people who can't do critical thinking.

Exactly.

How many people here over the past few decades have posted in threads their sad and sometimes horrifying stories about their parents?

So many of them spent their lives hating or resenting them until they died and others only managed to cut them off long after the psychological damage was done.

"But they're my parents!" often said after a sad story about how their father cheated on their mother and beat her while their mother was an alcoholic narcissist who told them they'd move to NYC and drop dead from some horrible disease because of their "lifestyle choices."

Even the article mentions that as one reason why someone might cut off their parents.

No one has to put up with that and it's weird some would think that someone would have to.

They're probably ghosting them because they owe them so much money.

Grow the F up

Gen X remain the coolest generation. Don't forget the alt-right is a millennial movement.

Some parents get better children then they deserve.

The situation with parents must be genuinely dire and abusive to cut off contact. Other than that, put up with the boring dinners and ignore the appalling opinions just like everyone in every family has for decade after decade and through untold numbers of generations.

This "snowflake" routine is so fucking tired. You do not have the right to never be offended or annoyed by your parents. You are obligated to accept their limitations with good grace and humor wherever possible. We all do it, get over yourself.

[quote] Both my adult kids have little or nothing to do with either of us.... That's fine with me. They were both raised to be independent people who dont need to cling to mommy or daddy. I have my own life, partner and friend and dont need my kids to make my life any happier. That's not their job.

There is lots of middle ground between estrangement and clinging. Seems sad to raise children and then have little or nothing to do with them as adults.

The example in OP's article is the best reason to say "no more" to your parents. When they expose their BS to your kids (their grandchildren).

Also, if you really dislike your parents, better to cut ties earlier, when they're reasonably healthy. At some point they may need you to take care of them, physically. You will wish you had cut things off earlier.

Most of them have Trumpster Boomer parents so you can't blame them

Maybe the snowflakes are the old people who continually spout their nonsense after it's been made clear to them that it's ruining their relationship with their children. Why should adults have to spend time with someone who constantly demonstrates utter disrespect? Have whatever opinion you want. Just shut the fuck up.

Because they gave you life and supported your life with their work while you grew up.

In most families, even if they're annoying, you owe your parents. Unless it's a situation where there was dire abuse/neglect, you put up with some shit from your parents. Unless you're a selfish, unfeeling fucking asshole. Then please be on your merry way.

Pastiche. Summer reruns. Anybody remember "Don't trust anybody over the age of 30"?

R7, I'm not R5 but a thermos with some damn good coffee is at least as comforting to me as a therapist.

I think Millennials expect perfect parents and their Boomer parents expect unlimited gratitude. Both are unrealistic.

Relationships are give and take and no one I know has dream parents. The thing is, even if you are very liberal and they are F-ing Trumpeters you should be able to respect one another without it turning into a shouting match. I will say, that's the parents responsibility to raise their child that way and then practice what they preach when they get older. That's why my parents did from the Greatest Generation which is the gen before Boomers. Kind of "to each his own" attitude. Not "every man for himself."

A normal, healthy adult can hear an opinion they disagree with or know is untrue, remain quiet, and then later inform their children of what transpired. Life isn't reality TV. You don't need a big dramatic scene, you don't need to pick fights. You can quietly choose to stay away from the unvaccinated and not fight with them, you can calmly separate from people without a big scene, but maintain a relationship.

I am a millennial. Many of my friends require dramatic showdowns in their interpersonal relationships that turn what would have been small issues into the central focus of their life and actually suck all the attention away from their children. The only people who suffer for this are the grandchildren.

Selfishness abounds.

One of my coworker's is estranged from his son, but the crazy thing is that he (my coworker) is a Boomer and a progressive while his son and daughter in law have bought into the whole anti-vax, Q shit.

This coworker's wife is retired and used to babysit their grandchildren, fulltime for free and drive the older kid to and from school. When covid came along and things were fine at first and the grandma even helped the older kid with her lessons when the schools went to remote learning. Slowly, the son and his wife went down the conspiracy rabbit hole and eventually refused to get vaccines or take any precautions. The wife of my co workers is a breast cancer survivor and has to be extra careful, so the babysitting came to an end. The son has now been placed on unpaid leave from his job because he refuses to disclose his vaccine status so I guess childcare isn't an issue for the younger couple anymore. Anyway, it's all very sad.

R60, watch the son claim he has to stay home and do childcare and not work again until the kids turn eighteen. He’s unemployable without a vaccination, so there’s his excuse. And you know he’s not going to do all the homeschooling and cleaning he’s dumped on his wife, so they’ll probably be raised by wolves.

I knew a guy who got laid off from his good-paying job and after he couldn’t find a similar job, his heavily pregnant wife ended up supporting the family working two low paid jobs, twelve or thirteen hours a day, while her husband decided “he was going to stay home and take care of the kids.” In reality, his ego just couldn’t accept that he couldn’t get another management job, so he refused to work at all. Not even part time. Her doctor finally put her on leave when she started losing weight in the ninth month. They finally ended up on welfare, which should have happened long before that. The doctor was worried she would have a high risk delivery because she was being worked to death. Why is it irrational people like this are the ones that always have a pile of kids?

Who knows, R61. The son was apparently pretty apolitical before all this came about but his wife is all into chiropracty and natural health so of course refused the vaccine and he willingly went along. They're both extreme gym nuts etc...

"Because they gave you life and supported your life with their work while you grew up."

That doesn't mean we should excuse them supporting white supremacists and anti-lgbttq policies when we are lgbttq ourselves.

It’s not just ignoring an opinion here and there or not being able to agree to disagree on sociopolitical issues.

The people who sit and watch Fox News all day are indoctrinated cult members that live in a perpetual state of outrage. It’s all they talk about and are always finding ways to either make it a discussion point or a relevant topic that pertains to the situation at hand. Almost all of their opinions are propaganda their are parroting from Sean Hannity—or some book he told them to read.

“Wow this traffic is terrible. We’re going to be late.”

“You know I was watching Tucker last night and he says______”

All roads lead to Fox News. Anyone who has dealt with this reality knows it’s true and that I’m not being hyperbolic. Anyone acting like we’re writing off some relative because they told a joke that wasn’t politically incorrect once - or because their politics don’t perfectly align with ours - is being an obtuse asshole.

^they are

You are missing the point R64, not everyone is a mouth breathing Fox News Republican. That channel didn't exist in my parents day and the news was more straight without opinion back then. Parents from that ere were more "live and let live" once they expressed their opinion. My parents were on opposite sides of the political spectrum from each other and it never became a thing.

Yes, if your parents are Faux News Zombies, then that's a totally different story. But remember, they are brainwashed. What if the shoe was on the other foot. What if they were normal and it was their child was a Faux News cult member? Would a good parent just cut off their kid because they didnt like what they were saying? Even if it was as constantly talked about as you paint a picture of?

If you say the parent should find a way to understand, then shouldn't the adult kids be held to the same standard?

They're laying the groundwork now for justifying not taking care of them in old age.

They're completely transparent.

R66 & R67 are either trolling or are supremely blessed to have fairly rational, non-trump/fox news parents.

Millennials becoming estranged from their parents???

It's about time!

Yes R68, I had rational parents. I guess I was lucky.

LOL

Reap what you sow?

Schadenfreude?

The oldest millennials are turning 41 this year. Most people don't go no contact,completely estranged from their parents because they are Trump supporters. As an old millennial, homophobia was still a thing in the 90's, even within upper middle class families. People are truly estranged from their families typically have good and often very horrific reasons for doing so. This isn't on some whim and it's very hard to go throughout life without a family, even if you try to create a family of choice. Often parents know why, but will pretend they have no idea why like Patsy and Edina upthread: "you had everything", "you are so ungrateful", etc while being shamed and physically abused.

If your parents are toxic assholes I think it’s great. I’ve had friends who’s parents treated them like garbage and expected them to deny who they were and it’s infuriating. I understand respecting your parents and I do but also they chose to have you and if you grew up without emotional or financial support from them they failed you.

[quote]if you grew up without emotional or financial support from them they failed you.

What? Emotional support yes, money no. Your parent owe you nothing once you turn 18. You are an adult. No they don't owe you a paid for college education, that's a wish list, nice thing to do if they can, but it's not a sign of poor parenting. The entitlement of Millennials seems to be sky high. And no, I am not a Boomer.

If you’re parents didn’t work or feed you and allowed you to suffer growing up I’d say that’s pretty bad. Growing up happens when you’re under 18.

Who said they weren't feeding you R75. No one said that here. We are talking about after the age of 18, you should not except help from your parents or be pissed off if they cant help you pay for college or buy a house. No need to be such a drama queen. The vast majority of Millennials were never hurting for food or shelter. In fact, the majority stated rent free with mom and dad to the age of 30.

It ironic to see boomers and millennials / Gen Zers butting heads. Because the two generations are so similar.

Millennials and Gen Zers demand inclusiveness for different types of people, and they publicly shame bullies and assholes. They demand special accommodations at work, but everyone benefits. They demand protections for the environment. They are rebelling against the American dream of marriage-kids-picket fence; some are getting sterilized to make sure no accident forces them into living that "dream". So, basically, they think for themselves.

In the 60s, though, it was the boomers who normalized youthful rebellion. They grew out their hair, listened to rock n roll music, and pursued "free love". The Great generation blamed the boomers for the downfall of western civilization, because the boomers were "radical", i.e. "woke". Boomers popularized public protesting, and some of them considered it a badge of honor to be arrested while protesting. They warned each other not to "sell out" their ideals to capitalism.

But, in the 70s and 80s, the boomers did sell out. They started climbing the corporate ladder and they became preoccupied with money. The boomers believed that "women can have it all", so many mothers worked while their latchkey kids watched TV at home alone. Now, boomers on the Daily Mail blame today's low birth rates on "radical feminism" and they try to shame women into leaving their careers to birth and raise kids. It does feel like many boomers have been invaded by body snatchers.

As an Gen Xer (the apathetic, "whatever" generation), I feel lucky that my mother has Trump Derangement System and that my father is a quiet man who never revealed his political views. I was thrilled to see Jane Fonda getting arrested while she protested with millennials a couple of years ago. Some of the boomers are still open minded, and they appreciate seeing young people continue the work they started. There are good boomers and bad boomers. There are good millennials and bad millennials. And the two generations are more alike than any two other generations in recent history. You know that old saying: the things you don't like about other people are the things you don't like about yourself. So, stop fighting.

Self-absorbed narcissist generation, or course they will be abandoning their parents in droves. That would require them to think of others.

Which generation are you talking about, R78? Why are you obsessed with the abandonment of parents? People shouldn't have kids as a retirement plan. People are having children later than ever before. Lots of people don't have kids until their late 30s and even 40s. So are they supposed to abandon their own children to take care of their parents?

What is it that you think adult children should do for their aging parents? I ask this as a Gen X person who is childfree, and I won't be grooming anyone to feel obligated to "take care of" me. I know of straight several millennials and Gen Zers who have been sterilized to make sure they don't have kids by accident.

[quote]*Snort* Baby Boomers and Gen X are going to be the first uncared for elder generations.

I'm still wondering why R4 typed out the word "*Snort*". I'm guessing he's Gen Z, and he's trying to make the older generations feel bad. (So many posters on DL seem to take delight in trying to make other people feel bad.). Does he think that Gen Z is suddenly going to be be magically "cared for" when he gets older? If you want to take your chances, R4, start saving up for your surrogate womb rental fees now and start guilting the child from the start.

One comment and r79 accuses me of being "obsessed".

It goes without saying but they're also the most ridiculously hyperbolic generation. Now followed by Gen Z, who has somehow managed to take it even further with a healthy dose of stupidity over words they don't understand, such as "trafficking" and "grooming".

You can also see a reflection of this in the rise of anti-vaxxers, etc. - being self-centered and treating those around you as collateral damage is very much a pattern that isn't improving.

R79, look at how non-self-focused cultures (such as the Japanese) treat their elderly and you should be ashamed that we don't treat our elderly with more kindness and respect, both as a society, and now in the family structure. Try to be less personally insulted by the comments made about Millennials - which is again, another sign of narcissism - and think more about WHY many of us are concerned.

Do better.

R81, are you one of those straight women whose kids won't talk to you anymore?

R81, the anti-vaxxers probably will take care of their parents. People in red states typically have kids before they move out of their parents' homes. Then they're dependent on their parents for money and childcare, so they can't move far away.

The Japanese are actually having a crisis with their elderly being abandoned.

Everyone will end up in nursing homes. Childless/childfree people as well as people who had kids. People are living longer, and adult children can't be expected to care for their parents when they have to take care of their own children and grandchildren.

Instead of guilting kids to care for their parents, we need to try to make society nicer in general to stop abuse of elderly people in the streets and in nursing homes. Millennials have made the most progress there by cancelling people who are assholes. Encourage congress to maintain social programs for the elderly. Encourage schools to bring children to nursing homes to sing for the residents. Encourage dog trainers to bring their pups to nursing homes for visits. Start doing all these things now.

R81

Our society is revolted by the elderly so we warehouse them, R85. This is nothing new and has been happening for decades. Even when covid took out scores of them with the outbreaks in nursing homes no one really cared and it's not like conditions in these homes have improved.

You're right that millennials have cancelled people, but how many directors of nursing homes who allowed the residents to languish in their own filth to maximize profit have they cancelled? How many people who have increased their personal wealth by holding large shares in neglectful, for profit care homes have been cancelled? The answer is none, because we are largely intolerant of the elderly or don't care about them and elder abuse/neglect isn't really a hot topic.

It's true that you can't expect people to take care of their elderly parents for years on end but I don't think that improving conditions in care homes is really a priority for anyone other than a relatively small group of people.

I don't know what the answer is, but as a childless person, I hope that as I age I succumb quickly and never need to be placed in any kind of care.

Millenials are the BABIES compared to the boomers

Regardless of political influence, the millennial generation is witnessing the end of the middle class (as we know it). We are modeling our next social class system in a similar way to other countries, i.e only the working class and the elite. Chances are the the US will have a very tough time, even a total loss if we went to war with another superpower in the next couple of decades. Millennials are store bought, ungrateful fraus. It’s not going to end well, and good lord, the Zoomers are going to completely disassemble capitalist America with their personal entitlement issues.

Mommy and daddy’s money and assets could very well be the last time this country will have real amounts of vast financial stability. When all the boomers and early millennials are gone, I could imagine a Great Depression happening.

One thing millennials need to think about is that their boomer parents who have money may very well spend a lot of money in higher end assisted living facilities.

I'm an Xer, and a lot of my friend's parents (older boomers/youngish greatest gen) are in 5 star type 55 plus buildings and plan on going to higher end care facilities when the time comes. This generation helped their kids but don't plan on sacrificing their old age just to leave their kids a sizable inheritance. A good friend of mine's mother is in her late 70s, sold the long paid off family home and is now in a $5000 a month assisted living that resembles a high-end hotel.

Younger boomers with millennial kids who are financially comfortable but not rich are another group who will be willing to spend a fortune to live out their final years in nicer and expensive retirement homes. Many Xers and millennials may not end up with the inheritance they were counting on.

So what's so great about longevity?

R5 the youngest millennials are nearly 30. They may be 26/26. So that old troupe about living in their parents basement is so obsolete. Millennials have transitioned to the home buying, children and strollers. Hot 30-40 year old era. The 20s are now owned by Gen-Z.

I’m a young millennial and know it all too well based on the disconnect at work between our Gen-Z and Millennial workers.

R66 is going to deadass sit in this thread and act like generations before the era of Fox News (so the 90s and backwards) were “live and let live” types? Give me a damn break! Society in America has been more liberal and welcome since the 90s not less. Wasn’t a lot of living and let living when gay rights came about. Women’s rights or those of people of color compared to today.

People will do anything to shit on the current generation as if their generation didn’t have their own issues and failings.

What most people are not getting in this thread is that there is a difference between millennials or anyone else for that matter initiating estrangement from their parents, which means no contact vs. not wanting to take care of their parents in old age. As a 40 year old geriatric millennial with 70 year old parents, my estrangement is not a situation of not wanting to take care of parents, which I don't, but that was not the point of OP's article or post. The reason for these estrangements is due to abuse, neglect or shaming which should not be conflated with material comforts, food, education, and housing. While still fairly taboo to say that you have not had contact of anytime with your parents for years, more people, especially younger millennials and the very vocal Gen Z are starting to speak out and break the taboos. I would think that especially early 50's Gen Xers would be able to understand not feeling accepted, appreciated or loved in your home and deciding the conditional love is as good as no love and it's better to go it alone than to deal with all the drama.

Since, everyone is so focused on eldercare on the DL, I will say that my parents can afford private care but even if they could not, that is on them. Especially straight couples, anyone who thinks their children are a contingency plan for when they are elderly is taking a huge gamble. Yes, other ethnicities do value the elderly and family, but white Americans are not those people for the most part. Maybe that will change with the younger generations, but boomers have always been about get out of the house at 18, go to college, and never come back. I've read a lot of post on DL about gays who were single, were treated badly by their whole family, and then gave up most of their best years taking care of their cantankerous mother, living in her home. No thanks! Perhaps if my mom/dad were amazing, I'd think differently, but that is not the case. You can't call me a fag when I'm a kid an expect me to wipe your ass when you are 80.

[quote] my estrangement is not a situation of not wanting to take care of parents, which I don't, but that was not the point of OP's article or post. The reason for these estrangements is due to abuse, neglect or shaming which should not be conflated with material comforts, food, education, and housing.

Exactly, R94. Both of my parents are dead. Dad died suddenly. I took care of my mom while she died of cancer. We (Mom and I) actually grew close during that time. Sounds corny, but it's almost a privilege to help a parent (a loving parent) through dying. But if my parents treated me bad due to who I was (something I couldn't change), if they exposed my children to white supremacist ideas (I don't have children), then I'd cut it off.

[quote] boomers have always been about get out of the house at 18, go to college, and never come back

This, I don't agree with. I think the idea of cutting kids off at 18 is an American thing that goes back further than Boomers. Actually, if I had to guess, it happened during the Depression or some other hard financial time.

Right but whoever came up with You're out of the house at 18 don't come back!!, surely should not expect those same children to put up with their crap in their elderly years... Other cultures care for their elderly because relatives actually help young relatives past the age of 18 while they are trying to start a career or long term job

Shit I’m scared of being old and warehoused in me own filth.

Back then you could move out at 18 and afford to live on your own if you worked full time. Now you’d be an employed homeless person or sharing a 1 bedroom apartment with five people.

Had to get a CT yesterday. Went to a radiology building affiliated with a university hospital. It was in a quiet, well landscaped industrial park. Went inside, there were several desks. One desk had three or four people sitting behind it, each sitting at a computer. No one greeted me or acknowledged I was there. I went and stood in front of the desk where the first person sat at a computer, noticed a “Stand behind blue tape” sign, so I stood behind the blue tape. She did not acknowledge me. Waited another few minutes before a guy in the middle of the desk said “I’ll be with you in a minute!” as if he was bein* harassed. You could hear a pin drop in this place. I noticed 2 waiting areas. The largest waiting are a was empty. The smaller waiting area had about 4 people quietly sitting there.

I walk over to the blue line in front of the guy, pull out my insurance cards & driver’s license. He says to a woman sitting at the end of the desk, “You were smart! You didn’t come in yesterday!”

“Was it bad?” she asked.

“Horrible! Horrible! You were lucky you didn’t come in. Well, every day here is a good day to stay home from *this* place! Humph!”

There was literally nothing happening in this place. They didn’t even have an annoying tv like some waiting areas have. He snatches my cards and loudly says “Go sit in *that* waiting area. That’s where they’ll come and get you!” And tosses his head toward the large waiting area.

He continues bitching about his job and how crazy it is, rolling his eyes.

A guy came and got me, I changed, had the scan, changed again and left. Place was as aquiet as a grave.

WTF do these assholes expect from work? I worked so hard at my hospital job I never peed in the building. Never had a cup of coffee. Never got a cent for all the overtime I worked. We were barraged with admitting, discharging and caring for patients for 12 hours straight. People vomited, screamed in pain, people yelled obscenities (ok, those were the doctors). We were sexually harassed all the time, We were commanded to “smile” and “relax.”

My husband had come with me and when we walked out he said, “I felt like punching that guy in the face. Give him something to complain about. People are sitting there with cancer, heart disease, lung disease and he’s yapping about how hard he has it.”

What are they expecting work to be like? Free porn and gaming all day?

“…..free porn and gaming all day….? Yeah and a raise, too.

God what a bunch of fucking babies. I blame the creep of psychological terms into everyday use for this. No one has their side of the story anymore. Now it’s “gaslighting.” No one is upset anymore. Now they’re “triggered.” And of course no one can have a shitty parent anymore. Now they’re all “survivors of abuse.” Get the fuck over yourselves you whiny little bitches.

Stop gas lighting me, you privileged NARCISSIST at R101.

[quote]People shouldn't have kids as a retirement plan. Lots of people don't have kids until their late 30s and even 40s. So are they supposed to abandon their own children to take care of their parents?

Every parent I know is planning on that. Age is irrelevant, you can take care of your kids and your parents like they did in the old days. Yes, it's a burden, just like you were as a child to mom and dad for 20 years.

I love my parents, and they aren't MAGAts, but I have nothing in common with them anymore. I talk to them at least every week, but it's small talk. Christmas will be the first time we've seen each other since COVID, and I'm going more out of duty than actual interest. They were decent parents, they're good people, we're just...different.

Anyone else in the same boat?

In the past 6 months, I've visited a friend twice. Both times she "joked" to her 13-year-old son that she expected him to "take care of" her when she's old. Which is ironic, because she put her mother in a nursing home earlier this year.

Yes r104 that's call normal. What on earth gave you the idea that your parents are supposed to be just like you? With the same interests, goals and life challenges? I know it's hard to believe, but you are not the only individual on the planet. Your parents were young once and they were just as different from their parents as you are from them now.

They are not supposed to be your friends, they are not your social group, your work group, or your party buddies, they are your parents.

Gurl, fuck them bitches

Yeah, my friend just bought her daughter a new car for her 17th birthday. It's a luxury car, not some shitty economy thing. I said, boy your daughter is lucky you can afford to do that now in this time and place. She said, remind her of that when she gets old and has to take care of me.

Funny thing, same deal as your friend. When my friends mother got sick and eventually died, she put her in a home and complained how her mother was mean to her.

R106 I don't expect them to be my friends, you asshat cunt. But most people (it seems like) connect with their parents and truly enjoy spending time with them.

I can’t imagine cutting off your parents over BLM or MeToo.. So stupid and childish. I hate 2021.

R109 Well dipshit that went right over your head. My point was most people dont have a lot in common than their parents. You need to dig deeper if you want a relationship with them. Do you have ANY deep connections with people? Besides a partner?

Maybe you could start by asking them what you were like as a child? What was the worst moment of their lives as parents, what was the happiest movements. Be a little curious for god's stakes.

[quote] I worked so hard at my hospital job I never peed in the building. Never had a cup of coffee. Never got a cent for all the overtime I worked.

You sound like a stupid doormat. Why would you put up with that?

Can you imagine dealing with angry FOX news watching Boomers? Nursing homes must be absolute hell right now.

Boomer here, long estranged from my parents because they treated me like shit, let a relative move in and sexually abuse me, and kicked me out at 18. The parents still don't understand why these tiny issues caused such serious relationship problems, they thought I should be grateful for a lifetime for 18 years of meals and sleeping in beds.

But now, young adults aren't just cutting their parents off for Trumpism or Qanon or frank racism, but shit like "You fed the kids gluten while doing unpaid babysitting, you can't see the grandchildren any more", or "You didn't support my marriage even if we got divorced within a year, you don't care about my feelings and you're a toxic person and I'm not having you in my life", or even "You can't see your grandchildren unless you 'loan' me a shit-ton of money". These are kids who've been raised by helicopter parents, given everything and spoiled rotten and told they're special and wonderful and everyone will always put their needs first, now they're messed-up young adults and for all their bold anti-bullying stances on social media, they think it's perfectly okay to bully their parents.

r114 why does an adult need an "acceptable reason" for writing someone out of their lives?

I am certain that 95% of the cases you mentioned came with a warning from their child that if their parent's continue to do X there will be consequences. As adults, their children have the right to set their own boundaries. Hell, it could be because it rained that day. None of our damn business, but grandma and grandpa will have to learn that once everyone is an adult, they will act accordingly these days.

"[R114] why does an adult need an "acceptable reason" for writing someone out of their lives?"

If you're going to hurt someone really badly, it had better be for a damn good reason. That's why.

I am 47 (young X'er? or Y'er) no idea. NO WAY I am taking care of my parents if they need care. They are very wealthy but spend money like crazy so I hope they have planned although it is unlikely they have. Huge MAGAs but also just awful people. Very much like the family on Arrested Development. I am polite and do the obligated stuff and they call every 4 or 5 months if there is a reason. Hope maybe my kids will get an inheritance from them but in no way counting on a dime. They can bite it. There is no way I would do anything more than bring a cup of tea to them. My mother in law however, while I would prefer that she find a great situation not in my home, she is a sweet lovely woman and if need to live with us, can come anytime.

[quote] I bet the Qanon cult has had a devastating on many families. My mother is sailing a bit close to the wind with antivax stuff. I’m honestly not sure I could bear my parents if they were Qanon nuts.

It has. I'm a millennial and have a two friends who have cut off contact with QAnon parents/relatives. One friend's father and stepmother are huge QAnon idiots and he cut off contact with them before the 2020 election. His father had a heart attack last January and relatives were calling my friend and begging him to drive two states away to see his dad. My friend refused. Another friend also millennial who is the same age as me (36) cut off contact with her 34 year old sister who became a QAnon nut.

Outside of the QAnon and Trumpster nutcases,

R118 here Hit post too soon.

Outside of the QAnon and Trumpster nutcases, I've know other millennials who cut off parents who emotionally or physically abused them as children and teens.

Gen X loves our parents. Suck on it millenials.

Parents get the kids they deserve.

X'er here. Dad moved three states over when I was 3. He explained this was fine because 1) Mom was such a rageaholic he couldn't stay in the same state; and 2) he had a conversation with Jesus who forgave him. Anyhoo... he never gave a dime over court-ordered support but always gave the church their 10%.

Mom either completely ignored me or went off on rages where she screamed she wished she never had children. She did the exact bare minimum and that minimum did not include medical or dental (except the one time my teacher/school asked my mom if they needed to contact social services because blood was streaming out of my mouth). My golden child sister got a car, braces, new clothes, etc.

They're both MAGA and have all the beliefs that entails. They tell people they don't know why I don't come around anymore since they "gave me everything".

[quote] I thought Millennials and Gen Z were best friends with their helicopter parents?

It depends on the type of family or parents. I have known some millennials and gen z types who became pretty independent as teenagers because their parents weren't nosy ass helicopter types.

Some raw souls on this thread. Clearly, your parents did a number on you too, but please stop all of this generation hating...whenever you generalize about a group of people, you're almost always WRONG.

[quote]Parents get the kids they deserve

This +1.

People keep forgetting that the average millennial (35-40) was raised by boomers just like Gen X were. Children of any generation do not just cut off all familial contact over a tweet or grudge. Usually there are a lot of ver substantial reasons which often involve abuse and shaming. People spreading misinformation is what makes this topic taboo and shameful.

A lot of Gen-X were raised by the Greatest Gen. They had me late in life. So I never had the Boomer helecopter parent but both parents worked so I was the latch key kid. Did my own thing when parents were gone. Loved it. Whole house to myself. Felt like being a little adult. By the time I was 18 they didn't kick me out, I couldn't wait to get out on my own no matter how shitty the apartment or low pay the jobs were.

Agree R125. It would be nice to have a support system, even if those in it were imperfect. This isn't about imperfection. This is about distancing yourself from people who lack empathy, at best, or relish inflicting pain. Good on any person of any generation that says 'enough'.

Still more of the Female influence on society In general. "I'm not speaking to you!" as a solution to most problems. My nephew and his wife have cur off her entire family plus his dad -- and I have warned our side that they will come after us soon so watch out. Immature cunts.

If someone cuts off a truly abusive parent, then fine. But, the problem is nowadays, everything is seen as abusive. Annoying parents that nag, or have different opinions, are not abusive.

It's horrible!

My in laws are disgusting racists who abused the hell out of my husband all his life. After quarantine it was delightful to never go back there again

Some parents understand perfectly well why they've been cut off.

For Reasons which are well known to them.

"Now you’d be an employed homeless person or sharing a 1 bedroom apartment with five people."

I was an employed 18 year old sharing a house with 4 other people. This is what you do when you are 18. Why is that shocking or unacceptable to you? Until you go to college and/or get a higher paying job, you rent rooms, have roommates or live in a car. This is life.

Also the person above who said our parents are a burden but we must take care of them just as "we" were a burden to them as a child...just no. Our parents chose to have kids. If we were "burdens" they wouldn't have had more. We didn't choose to be here and we are not obligated to take care of a shitty parent or parents if they have rejected us for being gay or other reasons.

Lots of kids were abuse, sexually and otherwise, by family members. They (the kids, now adults) might not tell you, exactly, why they don't associate with their parents / family. But this, IMO, could be a reason for a lot of family estrangement.

Actually, kids resent the enablers as well, the ones who told them to sweep it under the carpet and shut up, etc. So, it's not just the molester who becomes repellent, it's the enabler(s) as well.

AbuseD.

R129 but Reddit and Facebook have amplified these memes about mom and dad being toxic so they believe they are. They don’t have a reference for reality anymore. Whatever the last meme was is what they go with.

[quote]Lots of kids were abuse, sexually and otherwise, by family members.

Yes, but that's not what the article is about. The vast majority of Millennials were not sexually abused or kicked out because they were gay. They just dont like Mom and Dad's views on the world which is fine but they are turning it into high drama so that they can justify not having to take care of them when they get older.

They don't want to be inconvenienced with taking care of someone they disagree with. Which is ironic because it's the same kind of selfish behavior their Boomer parents had. You get the kids you deserve I guess.

Can we all just agree that there are family dynamics in play that no one from the outside can judge? Maybe some kids are being brats and cutting off their parents for differing opinions or maybe the parents are insufferable MAGAts. Only those family members really know the truth.

These devices do something in our brains where they reorder our priorities. Not to mention the content.

We no longer need parents because the device will “parent” and provide love and support by manipulating brain chemicals such as dopamine, adrenaline and serotonin.

These devices remove the need for families

R138 of course people outside the family can judge. It’s called a support team.

What devices, r139? Are you feeling ok?

Doubt it. Millennials are generally overly attached to their parents. Every millennial in my office tells me nearly teary-eyed that their mom or dad is their “best friend.”

Yeah, my niece and nephew are like that, to their Boomer parents. But then they get a lot of money from them. Not rich but you know they all got brand new cars when they were 16, college totally paid for, down payment money for a 600,000 starter house in the Valley. And with Covid, even though they both worked from home, money for private daycare. Boomer parents also there babysitting like they just hatched the worlds first golden eggs.

My sister is a lot older so I am still more Gen-X in experience growing up. They were off to college by the time I was in junior high. Hate to admit it, but their Millennial children are a lot nicer then they are.

OP's photo looks like a millennialized version of the very Boomer show, Thirtysomething.

The “millennials are 40!” troll has arrived I see.

Meanwhile just as many are in their mid 20s as “almost 40.”

We’ve had thread after thread dedicated to Dataloungers telling us that they’ve cut off their parents and have no where to go for the holidays. Surely this isn’t a Millennial thing when this is a staple of Datalounge. Dataloungers are 50 and over.

Most of us are 30+, thanks

R137, we’ve had ten threads with Dataloungers saying they’ve cut off their Boomer parents. Sit down.

R137, we’ve had ten threads with Dataloungers saying they’ve cut off their Trumper parents and families. Sit down.

That bearded blonde daddy is hot.

That baby doesn't look like it's his.

my parents and my in-laws could be super annoying and my mother in law is a Trumpy but I still cant imagine cutting them off. I cant imagine putting any of them (the ones that are still alive in a home). If it came down to it, my sisters in law would probably care for my in laws. But I would be ok with eventually having a property where they have a casita or something in our backyard. I dont think living under the same roof would be healthy though

Guest House, Casita or Granny Flat, they all accomplish the same goal. Millennials, you need to start building them now.

I always wanted to build a guest house in case my mother got too old to live on her own, but sadly she died in a head on car accident when she was 75. Never got to say goodby. 😥

Is this based off of real data?

Data-LOUNGE, R154!

Late 20s Millennial (Zillennial?) lesbian here.

Tbf my Boomer parents aren’t textbook or directly abusive and on a basic level tried their best, but frankly elements of their benign neglect and cluelessness over the years have significantly set back my health, my (non-existent, developmentally-delayed) love life and my career, plus have kept me in the closet years past time. Their effect on me is best described as pernicious, and neutral-to-negative depending on your spin (though they had help from my insane estranged relatives). They themselves are survivors of worse trauma, abuse and neglect than I, and their relationship is quintessential trauma-bonding. If it weren’t for going to a good school, I’d have no hope rather than the glimmers I have now.

Yet I’m told I’m not allowed to resent my parents in any measure, nor to want to reduce contact with them over such things—wish I could agree and ‘just suck it up’, but my heart doesn’t agree. Still, I sometimes think that I would indeed prefer to be a respectful and moral human more than self-protective and self-valuing. Which is the more important, in a world that is so rapacious and cruel and atomised? Is it folly to sacrifice oneself (especially as a gay person or a female) to a society that doesn’t want you to succeed and live on your own terms? Or is it succumbing to society’s evils to go along with the idea of every man for himself?

It’s a quandary with which I’m still grappling, and over which I dread having to make a final decision. Frankly, having only one sibling (straight, younger) who intends to marry wealthy and/or emigrate at first opportunity, I fear I am going to be left footing the impossible bill and bearing the responsibility for my two ageing parents. As a single low-income gay person, how am I to cope with this? My parents, though from abusive families, have many relatives who offer them considerable financial support among other resources, the likes of which I will not have to offer or share unless I marry into money.

Too often, casual, quiet and entitled exploitation of adults by their parents is handwaved as ‘the right thing to do’. I ask, ‘right’ by who? And in whose favour?

It would be nice to be able to afford a house while working a minimum wage job like my parents did.

Can't be a retard and afford anything you want anymore. *sigh*

R157 exactly. We can’t keep our parents in the manner that they demand and to which they have become accustomed, and still eat.

R157, if I may chip in? IMHO an imperfect family life, where family members get on each others' nerves and hurt each other unintentionally... is as good as parent-child relationships get.

Don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise, anyone who says that family life is a perfect love-fest where forgiveness abounds is lying to everyone, including themselves.

[quote] Don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise, anyone who says that family life is a perfect love-fest where forgiveness abounds is lying to everyone, including themselves.

While my family is not the one described above, I do believe they are out there. I know there have got to be good, loving families because I have seen glimpses.

R160 - you have seen glimpses from outside the family. Even in families that are loving, generous and relatively sane there are still fights, disappointments, annoyances and some grievances — nobody actually lives a Hallmark Card life, thought some still try and project that.

[quote]Meanwhile just as many are in their mid 20s as “almost 40.”

Not the poster you're referring to but if you're trying to imply that a Boomer wouldn't be a parent of a younger millennial then you're wrong. A late Boomer would have only been in their 30s by the time the last of the millennials were being born.

R157 -- I have a child born in '82, who is not you, but trust me, we didn't afford a house by working "minimum wage," so please understand that point. We had union jobs. If you want a secure future, support unionization. Don't bother with 'unions are corrupt' nonsense. Unions attained power because 'wage slaves' fought and died for them. Oh, and we went to college too - we did not have student loan debt, and our kids don't - thanks to our union jobs. When the economy went in the shitter, the media again portrayed union workers as 'fat cats' - and so many people bought it.

The unions offered pensions, which we didn't give a shit about when hired: we just cared about the hourly wage. Years later we see how important they were as all around us are people who have no choice but to continue working until they qualify for Social Security & can retire to poverty. We stumbled into security, you might say. We had no inheritance. We had union jobs with good pensions. I hope Congress can deliver retirement plan reforms next year after being stripped from the current bill. It's called "SECURE Act 2.0" retirement reform bill. We don't expect our kids to take care of us, and we let them be who they are. We pay premiums for long-term care insurance, which we can do because we had union jobs. I worry about them, precisely because their work is not unionized; one child's employer did major building construction & renovations then sent an email to employees for an "employee 'fun-raiser'" (yes that's how it was termed) asking the workers to have donations deducted from their own (low-paid) wages to help pay for a new lounge to be named after coworkers who died of Covid, attempting to use their coworkers' deaths to guilt the employees into returning some of their wages! (By the way, that employer is an elder-care facility.)

Well I've now had quite a rant eh? To those with shitty parents, I wish I could have parented you all. (Or my partner could have, who was better at it...)

It’s none of your business, nosey, judgmental old bitches. Stay in your lane. Especially those of you who have no kids. Sit down, Uncle Bottom

I am thankful for that female influence R128, or would you prefer the days of male influenced society with more bar brawls happening and partents kicking their lgbtt kidd out of the house?

All the Trunp loons out there are sad that society is no longer as "masculine" as it used to be.

^^^^ *kids.

Sure, R165. Lots of great single mothers out there too.