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Let’s be a Frau Christmas

I’m the garish pillows decorating the couch, “JOY” written in sequins on one and an LED Christmas tree pillow (mind the battery pack tucked in the zipper if you lay down on it), which she believes are “so stinkin’ cute!”

by Anonymousreply 34December 15, 2021 12:17 PM

Who hurt you, OP?

by Anonymousreply 1November 26, 2021 6:29 PM

I'm the pressboard sign that proclaims "Gather!" in florid script. I am left over from Thanksgiving, but really I'm perfect whenever my precious family "gathers" together.

My cousin, "EAT!", is just feet away in the breakfast nook.

by Anonymousreply 2November 26, 2021 6:32 PM

Why does OP hate women?

by Anonymousreply 3November 26, 2021 6:35 PM

The look is called "Modern Farm House" and HGTV is largely responsible for this live laugh love conformity.

by Anonymousreply 4November 26, 2021 6:36 PM

R1 R3 the militant FemDykes have arrived right on time

by Anonymousreply 5November 26, 2021 7:15 PM

I’m TJMaxx and you can all thank me.

by Anonymousreply 6November 26, 2021 8:03 PM

I am the rock and roll dancing Santa.

by Anonymousreply 7December 14, 2021 10:14 PM

UK Edition:

I’m the garlands draped aimlessly and pointlessly over all sorts of random things, like door and picture frames, TV screens, and light fixtures.

by Anonymousreply 8December 14, 2021 10:18 PM

"Let's Be A Single Eldergay's Christmas"

by Anonymousreply 9December 14, 2021 10:19 PM

I'm her cookies, which kick ass and make any queen smile.

Except maybe OP.

by Anonymousreply 10December 14, 2021 10:21 PM

I am the unsettling hybrid of Santa kneeling at a manger.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 11December 14, 2021 10:34 PM

I am JESUS, the Reason for the Season.

by Anonymousreply 12December 14, 2021 10:35 PM

that's just nuts R11

by Anonymousreply 13December 14, 2021 10:35 PM

I'm the pine scented candles, wax melts, aroma sticks, incense. I'm making her cats and dogs very sick as they cannot process terpenes.

by Anonymousreply 14December 14, 2021 10:38 PM

I’m the scented pine cones in a bowl that will go straight to the trash on the 26th.

by Anonymousreply 15December 14, 2021 11:53 PM

I'm OP's mother and I have no idea what Hisstopher has against my Christmas tree pillow case.

It is so stinking cute and yet he insists on putting it in the linen closet whenever he has guests over

You know, I don't mind that he's a homosexual, but I wish he wasn't such an awful snob.

Merry Christmas to All DLers!!! (I won't call you "my gays"!)

by Anonymousreply 16December 15, 2021 12:06 AM

I am chocolate rain deer poop! I was found at Walgreens and just too silly and cute to pass up.

by Anonymousreply 17December 15, 2021 1:05 AM

I'm this clever plaque!

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by Anonymousreply 18December 15, 2021 1:09 AM

I’m the Byers carolers on the mantle.

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by Anonymousreply 19December 15, 2021 1:18 AM

I'm rum raisin ice cream on toasted fruitcake and another Hallmark movie.

by Anonymousreply 20December 15, 2021 1:20 AM

I'm the blandly handsome Canadian actor with a decent gym body and no other distinguishing characteristics. I starred in the Hallmark Holiday Movie that just aired, and I will be fueling many masturbatory frau fantasies thanks to my obligatory shirtless scene. And to the fact that I'm pretty much the physical opposite of their husbands.

Look for me in "Return To Christmasville 2" next week! And absolutely nowhere else.

by Anonymousreply 21December 15, 2021 1:36 AM

I am the fruitcake that people bring for dessert every year that no one ever eats.

by Anonymousreply 22December 15, 2021 1:40 AM

R8 Do they really? That's kind of adorable.

by Anonymousreply 23December 15, 2021 1:42 AM

I have those R19. They are cute as can be and I got them at Home Goods a helluva lot cheaper than that price !

by Anonymousreply 24December 15, 2021 1:56 AM

I'm Thomas Kinkade Christmas "sculptures."

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by Anonymousreply 25December 15, 2021 2:02 AM

I am OP's non-existent mother who has never held any party for her mentally unstable children.

by Anonymousreply 26December 15, 2021 2:08 AM

I have Christmas themed throw pillows, but instead of crap like “Joy” and “Merry Everything”, mine are funny quotes from Christmas/winter comedy movies/tv shows we watch every year.

“Is Rusty still in the Navy?”, “Fra-geee-lay…it must be Italian!”, “Everything is temporary!”, and “I find tinsel distracting”, just to name a few. It’s dorky but I love ‘em.

by Anonymousreply 27December 15, 2021 2:17 AM

This ⬇

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by Anonymousreply 28December 15, 2021 2:20 AM

Fruit cake and rum raisin ice cream? We're talking about the 21st century, right, R20?

by Anonymousreply 29December 15, 2021 2:25 AM

I'm the schmaltzy background music of "Favorite Hits of Christmas" found on a five-hour Youtube video.

I play all day long from her first cradled mug of fresh perked coffee to her late evening bath surrounded by Yankee candles and bubbles.

by Anonymousreply 30December 15, 2021 2:26 AM

I'm the little dress specially made for the frau's little fraulein for Christmas day---matching style, color and fabric. How adorable!

I wish someone would burn me in the fireplace.

by Anonymousreply 31December 15, 2021 2:35 AM

R19 My mother has a couple of dozen of those creepy carollers. I can't stand them - it looks like Edvard Munch spawned with the Hummel figurine collection.

by Anonymousreply 32December 15, 2021 6:11 AM

R22 The English side of the family goes bananas over fruitcake. It's in their DNA. The miniature mince pies are just fine, but that damned fruitcake...

by Anonymousreply 33December 15, 2021 6:15 AM

I'M THE FAT SON WHO EATS ALL MY COOKIES BEFORE THE GUESTS ARRIVE.

by Anonymousreply 34December 15, 2021 12:17 PM
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