If the US was a high school, who would each state be?

Texas is obviously the dumb football jock.

California would be the head cheerleader, and Texas the star quarterback.

North Dakota would be the quiet kid whose name everyone always forgets

Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia would all live in the same trailer park.

Pennsylvania would be the teaching faculty.

[quote]If the US [bold]was[/bold] a high school

I don't know about the states, but OP is clearly the student who failed English class.

Idaho would be the couch potato.

North Dakota would be the silent full-blood Native American student who finds it difficult to join in with his peer group.

Oregon would be the weed smoking, patchouli wearing, hippie kid.

Rhode Island would be the talkative WASP-Italian-Portuguese kid with a bouncy attitude and innocent of inhibitions.

Oklahoma wouldn't be represented at this high school because those would be the wierdo, religious home schooled kids.

California would be too cool for this school, smoking a joint by the bleachers, texting an older lover to hurry up and take him to the real party.

South Carolina would be the stuck up Southern preppy kid, but their redneck comes out if they've been drinking. They would have a rivalry with fellow Southern Prep Virginia.

Alaska would be the loner.

Maine would be the strong but silent part French-Canadian kid who read a lot of comics but also played football and responded to questions with measured one-word answers.

New York, New Jersey and Connecticut would be the bitchy clique of rich kids who think they run the school.

Louisiana would be the sexy mixed-race girl who all the mothers initially actually like because she knows how to cook but then begin to mistrust because their husbands start getting interested as well.

Maine would be the lesbian dodgeball champ.

Arkansas arrives each morning on the short bus.

New Mexico would be the DREAMER.

To agree with R16, New York, Connecticut and New Jersey would be Heather Chandler, Heather McNamara and Heather Duke, in that order.

Massachusetts would be the snobby liberal bisexual with just enough social clout to bridge the gap between the freaks and the jocks.

Their holiday parties are the big ticket items all school year round.

Massachusetts would be the science nerd.

I would've said NY is Danny Zuko and NJ is Kenickie.

Kentucky would be the girl obsessed with horses.

Idaho would be the school shooter.

District of Columbia is the class auditor, attending all classes but unable to really truly participate.

Illinois would be the stoner who starts a rock band.

Ohio would be the beautiful closeted gay boy, in love with art and desperate to move anywhere else.

American Samoa, Puerto Rico, Guam, Northern Mariana Islands, and U.S. Virgin Islands are the exchange students who attend all four years and are either ignored or picked on by the other students, who don't like them but at the same time don't want to let them go back home.

North Carolina would be the narrow-minded but friendly kid who thinks that maybe if they really show team spirit they will get friends!

Tennessee would be the kid that always enters and wins the talent show, and pulls their guitar out at parties, whether you want them to or not.

Wisconsin is the fat chick who got run over by a bus.

South Carolina would be the party boy with the coke connection and the keg parties.

Florida would be amusement parks of kooks and rebukes.

Georgia would be the Daddies girl spoiled bitch who hangs out exclusively with her friends, South Carolina and Alabama (she and SC giggle at AL's accent behind her back). She has a lifelong enmity towards the NY/NJ/CT clique, who, in turn, make jokes among themselves about her secretly trashy tailgate party ways.

R34, pffft. Is that what they call partying over there?

Minnesota would be the local preacher's daughter who acts virtuous in public but does anal behind the bleachers.

Utah would be the clean-cut gay guy with the religious girlfriend.

Hawaii is the hot Asian girl dating the closetcase.

Arkansas would be the chunky girl with the Rottweiler disposition and a What Would Jesus Do? necklace.

Oregon is the former fatty who’s now anorexic, dying her hair green, and calling herself genderqueer and using xir/xim pronouns for attention.

Mississippi would be the "sassy" black girl who secretly resents her role at school and can't wait to say goodbye at graduation.

Washington state is the beautiful half-Asian IT wonder kid with the looks of an Anime god/goddess and the social skills of a table leg.

Minnesota is the blond twink who just got invited to Bryan Singer's special party.

Florida is the homecoming queen who is a total whore and every guy wants to fuck her, and she lets them.

California is the gorgeous blond quarterback who secretly takes loads from the coach.

Texas is the jock who thinks he’s bigger and better than everyone else but he has a low IQ.

Washington is the hippie kid who smokes pot and wears dreadlocks even though he is white.

South Dakota would be the greaser with a Harley he's always restoring. He somehow flunks shop.

Michigan would be the black hunk who styles himself as a rap star although his parents are both high-powered lawyers. Mississippi is glued to him like a perfume card insert and they come in second place for Prom King and Queen.

[quote] North Dakota would be the quiet kid whose name everyone always forgets

Who?!

Vermont would be the class president who will smoke pot with you and is in a garage band but will snitch you out if you cheat on a test.

Pennsylvania would be the aggressively cheerful editor of the school newspaper or head of the pep squad, les popular than inescapable and always speaking as if through a megaphone at a homecoming game.

Vermont would be the girl from the family that owns goats and makes their own clothes. She gains grudging respect through her totally ignoring the insults slung her way. Hangs out with Oregon and New Hampshire (her boyfriend). The popular girls begin to ask her for assistance when she wins a local craft competition with an outrageous lace underwear project.

New york would be the tall pimply nerd guy with hornrimmed glasses thats sits in english class and picks his nose behind his book.

Nevada would be the redneck kid with a confederate flag on his white pickup truck and a faded Trump bumper sticker from 2016, driving with an open beer bottle nestled between his legs and a cigarette dangling from his mouth, scowling at everyone he sees and ignoring all traffic laws.

Delaware is the kid no one hangs out with because they look old and everyone assumes it is a 21 Jump Street scenario.

Virginia is the slightly overweight but still sexy and vivacious "good girl" who is able to bridge the gap between the NY/NJ/CT and GA/SC/AL cliques - basically by having more social connections than the former and more money than the latter.

Indian would be the loser in the back row who never raises their hand because they're too busy picking their nose.

Washington is the quiet kid who sits in the back of the class, doesn't cause any trouble and then brings a semi automatic to school.

"Indiana"

The Dakotas are the non-descript and deeply closeted gay couple. Of course, North Dakota is the top and South Dakota is the bottom.

South Dakota - the fundie wingnut who dropped out so his mom could homeschool him

I think that's Montana, R58.

New Jersey is the rich kid whose father has an asphalt driveway resurfacing business.

No r62, Montana is Washington's cousin who is similar but also sells meth.

Maryland is friends with Virginia and their parents do backyard BBQs after every football game. The family has a huge swimming pool so everyone is nice to them May through August and then sort of forgets them the rest of the year.

Kansas is the girl convinced Texas will take her to the prom.

He doesn't. He takes Iowa, who is similar but richer and prettier and her mom knows his mom and then he fucks Oklahoma behind the gym.

Indiana would be the President of the Young Republicans Club.

FLORIDA is the unruly DETENTION room with spit wads and ammo.

R52 And would New Hampshire be president of the drama club?

New Mexico is the kid no one knew until he died in a tragic motorcycle accident, and then everyone claims they loved him.

Nebraska is the hunky, blonde football player with a dick larger than his IQ. New York and California love to hang with him.

Rhode Island is the swarthy muscular guy with the most pronounced cockhead and the biggest bush in the locker room.

R69, actually New Hampshire would publish a 'zine/blog full of left-leaning libertarian rants and love Norwegian death metal while also studying classical violin.

Alone of the school body, he and Vermont actually do not care what you think about them.

After graduating he goes to Bard and she goes to Bennington. They both drop out after their second year and open up a solar-powered chicken farm.

Alabama the homeless girl that always gets in fights with other girls and smells like pee.

West Virginia, Mississippi, Kentucky, Arkansas the special ed kids.

[quote]California is the gorgeous blond quarterback who secretly takes loads from the coach.

With bulimia, body dysmorphia, and BPD. In other words, she's a big ol' mess!

Massachusetts would be the bainy but rowdy city Irish, Italian or Greek kid who made it good but can't escape his working class root and is looked at skeptically but enviously by the white, WASP-y North Shore kids.

Arizona would be the fat chola girl with skin-tight clothing and thin, arched, angry looking tattooed-on or penciled-on eyebrows, and brown or dark red lip liner (from "Urban Dictionary").

Maryland is the principal’s kid.

Delaware is a fun-living lifeguard in the summer but pale and silent in school all year.

West Virginia wakes up early for a morning shift at the family gas station and sleeps through first period.

Colorado would be the kid everyone expected to come to school with a gun one day and shoot a bunch of people.

Ohio would be the kid who plays Pokemon at the lunch table every day.

[quote] New Jersey is the rich kid whose father has an asphalt driveway resurfacing business.

That is what the kid thinks but really the dad is a mobster.

R65 I don't think Virginia or her parents do much of anything with Maryland.

West Virginia is homeschooled.

Virginia's family, like all Southerners are gracious to Maryland's family's face. But, they gossip about them at the club, with the North and South Carolinas, the Georgias, etc...

Nebraska is the lunch lady's daughter.

[quote]Alabama the homeless girl that always gets in fights with other girls and smells like pee.

I see Alabama as the girl who got sent to "alternative school" for being a pregnant delinquent.

Massachusetts is the yearbook editor.

New Jersey is the school drop-out.

New Jersey is the bro who always brags about his mob connections.

Preschool would be more apt.

Poor Wyoming nobody mentioned him yet.

Quiet kid with a very wealthy parents but everybody assume he's a trailer trash.

New Mexico always reminds everyone that they're Latino, but looks white.

Puerto Rico is the girl who is always at school events but you're not sure whether she really goes to your school or not.

Louisiana is the sad poor kid who has leukemia.

Mississippi is the kid in the wheelchair.

There’s always one.

Omg

New Jersey is the first-generation kids of immigrants who, academically, outperform their American counterparts. They are nerdy, geeky, overachieving and kind of cool. One of them WILL end up committing suicide due to the pressure his/her immigrant parents have placed on them.

DLers are just pitiably bad at games like this.

Though it's scary to think about what fucked up high schools many of you went to.

Michigan is the burnout kid who only does well in shop classes and listens old Led Zeppelin.

R45 Minnesota thinks its just a regular pool party. They're bringing swim trunks, a towel and SPF 100

Ohio would be a funny looking lumpy kid in coke bottle glasses who brings a roller suitcase to school instead of a backpack. He kind of wierds people out but is a nice harmless guy once you get to know him. He inexplicably has an appalachian accent for some reason. He is a boy scout at the age of 16 and has been one since early childhood, but has no badges.

Gift us with your take, oh genius at R98.

Although I suspect you won't.

People like you never do.

R102 I was going to write something very similar.

I know, right, R103? The sort of poster who gives a cunty sniff at the low level of wit and then departs in a cloud of intrigue to snort coke off Reno Gold's asscrack.

Bereft of talent, full of shit, they always are.

Nebraska is the dude who’s always looking around during tests instead of the paper in front of him.

Missouri is doing time in juvey.

Oklahoma is the half-Native guy who makes a big deal of it.

But he's a cute twink nonetheless.

Missouri was friends with Ohio, Illinois and Nebraska in middle school, but now Illinois hangs out with the cool kids NY and NJ, and Ohio and Nebraska are kinda doing their own thing. Now, Missouri usually hangs out with Arkansas and Tennessee and talks shit about IL every chance they get.

Hawaii is the clique of tanned, beautiful beach-body M/F bottle blondes that often cut school, and head to their fave beach to soak up some rays.

R98 = Wake Island

Canada actually lives in another school district but attends while pretending to live with a local relative. Nobody is fooled but then again nobody cares.

I'm Kentucky, there's two of us, people aren't sure if we're half-siblings, first cousins or fucking.

or one big fat girl

And California is Veronica Sawyer, R21.

New Jersey could be a tough, don't mess with me student..but smart. Ef with me and I'll meet you outside after school..

*cowering in fear*

Kansas is the emo guy.

Iowa is the kid with stiff brand new dungarees, plaid shirt and a bad haircut. Always says Yes, Ma’am to the teacher.

R115, I imagine NJ like Jo from the Facts of Life.

Virginia is desperate to fit in with Georgia and South Carolina but her Lily Pulitzer dresses hug her slightly tubby belly too tightly and she comes across as a “try hard.” She does have a nice car her daddy bought her though.

Arkansas is a sexy good ole boy. A rascal but charming. The teachers forgive him for everything he does.

Rhode Island is the midget popular with the rich kids.

Massachusetts is the outspoken rebel. The rest of the class wishes he would just go away.

Maine is the unkempt, uncouth kid who's becoming ever more popular with his more affluent peers.

[quote]Florida would be the pregnant freshman.

Florida would be the pregnant freshman with untreated Syphilis and a Meth addiction.

New Jersey wants hoagies, pork roll, pizza. and soft pretzels served in the cafeteria.

And frozen custard with "jimmies" for dessert.

Massachusetts is the valedictorian that nobody likes.

Arizona is the overly tan girl (who looked 21 in junior high) and gets detention at least twice a month for getting into fistfights, usually with teachers. She always has the best pot.

Colorado sells pot out of a North Face backpack.

Lets be real, the entire US would have been the high school drop out that had to go to night school to get their GED.

Minnesota is the salutatorian.

[quote]Minnesota is the salutatorian.

Minnesota is also the fastest typist in the class, and the best speller.

But she's so boring no one really remembers her.

We're Wyoming and Montana. One of us is a boy, but we're both willowy and silent on the matter.

We're out for medical most days. Because we do heroin. It's OK; our folks do heroin, too.

NY and California are the cool kids so above this all.

Ny is overachieving drama kid that everyone hates. California and Hawaii are cool surfer/stoner kids that everyone loves.

No R120 No, that would be Tennessee.

Virginia used to be friends with Georgia and the Carolina sisters until about junior year, but she realized that they were a bit too immature and cliquish for her. She has good grades while being pretty and as such as been spending more and more time with Maryland and Massachusetts.

Of course, her mom is still best friends with Georgia and the Carolina sisters Moms and so she will never be totally out of the group.

Louisiana is a cool kid who is also mysterious, not exactly a drug dealer, but can get you any drug you want. They can also hook you up with other illegal services.

Can Louisiana get the [looks around] homersexshul services too?

Washington State is the kid who wears a rain slicker all year round, even when it’s sunny.

Virginia would be the trans girl whose father works for the State Department.

Puerto Rico would be the child of illegal immigrants with the chip on her shoulder.

puerto rico wouldn't be illegal

Bless your heart, r141.

Really, just bless it, hun.

Agree with R141. Puerto Rico is the hawt Latino kid who will let you blow him. Sexuality undetermined.

Virginia still believes in Santa Claus.

Minnesota’s only claim to fame is losing Butter Queen 6 years in a row. The 4H club is taking bets if she’ll try again this year.

Wisconsin thinks it’s rad to trash can the freshmen boys.

The teachers all call him by his last name only and sort of bark it when they do so.

Nobody in his own class likes him and they all claim it’s because he wears a camouflage jacket to school every fucking day.

Illinois would be the top of he B-class of jocks. Plays Soccer or something. Allowed to associate with the cool kids (CA, NY, MA, CT) while remaining close to his friend WI. He and IN parted ways long ago. IL is good looking and easy going but his family has a shady history that everyone knows about. He also occasionally dates black girls.

Wisconsin would be the church boy that did keg stands the night before. Also plays football and wrestles.

Iowa's entire personality revolve around wresting,, 4H, and obsessing over gorgeous TN but setting only slightly fat MO.

r108 I don't know if you noticed, but Tennessee had a massive glow up over the summer. Don't tell California, but it appears she's the hottest girl in school. Texas has even stopped crushing over California, always drama with those two, for Tennessee. But we all know he's just trying to make CA jealous .

Florida totally had an abortion last month. We all saw the weight gain. I just know it's Alabama's, ew.

Georgia is that cool black athlete that showed up Sophomore year. He could hangout in any clique and gets invited to all the parties. He will end up fucking TN before the school year is out.

Some of y’all are really fantastic at this!

Hawaii is that hot Asian, no one can tell where she's from but everyone wants to be her friend. She prefers to stay home and hangout with her family. Her house is gorgeous but in the middle of fucking no-where but she has the best poor and patio and food. Her mom is also a MILF. Her dad is scary and low-key seems to hate white people.

Louisiana is the good-looking, charming, kind, slow witted but not dumb, languid, long-lashed, well-hung, slim twink.

Oregon is the mellow, low-key pothead that you're been friends with since first grade, and crushing on since middle school. One night you are hanging out with Idaho in Oregon's basement. Idaho falls asleep and you finally make your move on Oregon. He freaks out and loudly tells you he's not cool with that.

Meanwhile, Idaho is not actually asleep and, next weekend, he will let you blow him in his F150.

Missouri comes from a family of dropouts but still drives a big fancy pickup. He wears his mullet unironically and is already the father of three. Three different mothers, of course.

West Virginia and Virginia are sisters, but Virginia tells everyone that they are cousins.

Pennsylvania would like you to donate all locker change to Their BIPOC cat sanctuary - which is currently housed in the glassed-in sun porch next to their room.

Idaho is the loner kid who a pistol in his locker.

NY is a fun JAP whose Bat Mitzvah in middle school cost north of $50k and whose Sweet 16 is going to cost twice that, not including the price of the new silver Lexus she’s getting. She’s actually cousins with Florida, but seldom mentions it.

Oregon (for the most part) would be the obnoxious vegan girl who lectures everyone and thinks they are better than everything.While secretly jealous of the California cheerleader she constantly flaunts how much smarter and better she THINKS she is while crying into a cheeseburger at night..

[quote] DLers are just pitiably bad at games like this.

Why not just post, "Please everyone put me on 'Ignore'?"

Utah would like to share his magic underwear with your mom, your sister, your sister's sister, and possibly your Aunt Meghan. She wears a denim skirt so well.

Michigan is fraternal twins. Upper peninsula is a volunteer hockey coach that many of the parents are rightly concerned about. Lower peninsula is a gear head who is always working in his ‘69 Chevelle, and smokes a ton of weed.

Illinois is the student council treasurer who is busted for embezzlement. He used the money to but Chaturbate tokens

Wisconsin has phimosis and when he changes the whole locker room smells like cheee

North Carolina is our "woke" sibling who tries to act like their shit don't stink, but in the end they are more like us than they want to admit.

Indiana is fat and has bad breath. Brings leftovers from home in plastic tub that used to hold 3 lbs of Country Crock. Drives to school in a clapped out conversion van with a wheel chair lift. She smokes Virginia Slims and drinks Tab

Nevada is a glass closeted Mormon boy from Las Vegas who sings in a crappy band will get a lot of airplay in a few years.

Sorry r162, IL is rich as fuck so no need to steal.

It’s Kansas that ran the student council into financial ruin during homecoming week. Cutting the ticket prices without cutting back in the budget, what could go wrong?

Connecticut is the rich kid who will be transferring to Pomfret or Hotchkiss, because the parents are scandalized by the public school student body.

R167 IL nor Louisiana should be allowed within a mile of the Student Council. They are known for political corruption.

Yeah!

R169 IL as class presidents, they suck, but as a student body presidents (over the entire student population/all grades) they are kick ass. You just have to watch them.

Kentucky is actually the most corrupt. We see horse girl Taking dollars out do the bake sale, but we assume she’s poor. Her family’s farm is actually with millions.

R171 Depends are they going to be a Lincoln or Obama? Or, a Kerner, Walker, Ryan or Blagojevich?

Who would be goth or punk?

DC Is the kid that smooth talks everyone then robs them blind behind their backs

Texas is the pageant queen who wears WAY too much makeup.

Rhode Island is the heavy metal dudes in the Iron Maiden and Rush T-shirts.

Idaho is that kid that looks Mexican but is actually Native American. Yes, his family keeps a crate of potatoes in the kitchen. He’s quite, hard worker, and has next to no sense of humor.

Iowa and New Hampshire are the theater geeks. Nice enough but kind of annoying. They bask in the spotlight during the spring musical, which is the only time the rest of the school notices them at all.

Kentucky is the girl who is obsessed with horses.

[quote] He’s quite,

Quite what?

The white farm boy from Missouri has the biggest cock in the gang showers.

New York is the dude who boasts that he's got the biggest cock in the whole school. He calls it Long Island.

Maine is that kid whose parents are Canadian, he may have even been born there.

I could describe Nebraska, but it would only turn out to be a lustful short story I would splooge to, right in the middle of tenth-grade English class.

This is his cousin in South Dakota. His nips are the most callused I've ever seen.

Georgia is the black girl who dresses like a video vixen and dreams of marrying budding rapper Maryland or future college athlete Ohio and ending up on a reality TV franchise.

DC is the hall monitor.

Colorado is the shifty-looking school shooter

Rhode Island is the kid that went to the Votech

Massachusetts is the preppy kid with pleated khakis and a brown braided leather belt

New Jersery is a slutty mess who gives blowjobs under the bleachers.

Georgia would be special ed.

Maryland is eating a meatball sandwich right out in class AND she’s been passing notes.

R191, assuming NJ is male in this scenario, right? 😉

New Hampshire thinks I'm rich because she doesn't get out much.

No, you don't have to fight the dog for kibble.