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Have you ever really been jealous of anyone?

I’m certainly not jealous as I’ve gotten older. When I was younger and unaware of what people have to go through to achieve something, I used to be jealous of friends. I also realized that people often exaggerate what they actually are and own.

You?

by Anonymousreply 105December 3, 2021 1:28 PM

Not really. Everyone has problems in their life. At least I know I can handle mine.

JFC look at Britney.

by Anonymousreply 1November 24, 2021 10:24 PM

As a trans Asian, I envy bio Asians. But it’s my journey.

by Anonymousreply 2November 24, 2021 10:29 PM

Not really jealous because what is the point of jealousy, it accomplishes nothing, but I have always wondered what it is like to be stunningly handsome. I am pretty average looking, I have been told I was good looking when I was younger but I think I was just average, not ugly not handsome. I am sure there are drawbacks even to being very handsome but I have always wondered what it is like to lead a life like that.

I am not an attention seeker, so it would probably grow tiresome quickly but still I wonder.

by Anonymousreply 3November 24, 2021 10:33 PM

You know who.

by Anonymousreply 4November 24, 2021 10:36 PM

Yes but I got over all such mind fucks before 30 years old.

by Anonymousreply 5November 24, 2021 10:50 PM

Matt Dillon's underpants.

by Anonymousreply 6November 24, 2021 11:20 PM

Only of the hundreds of Dataloungers that are worth millions.

by Anonymousreply 7November 25, 2021 12:04 AM

Surprisingly no. I think jealousy is some deep evolutionary play at work. It just comes over people and will cause them to take some sort of action. The trick is to make that a positive action and not a destructive one.

by Anonymousreply 8November 25, 2021 12:22 AM

Envy means discontented longing for someone else's advantages. Jealousy means unpleasant suspicion, or apprehension of rivalship. ... Envy is most often used to refer to a covetous feeling toward another person's attributes, possessions, or stature in life.

by Anonymousreply 9November 25, 2021 12:29 AM

Both envy and jealousy.

by Anonymousreply 10November 25, 2021 12:31 AM

Never been jealous of anyone's achievements or what they have. I've been jealous of people who get attention for their personality, looks, or charm.

by Anonymousreply 11November 25, 2021 12:39 AM

A collossal waste of ones mind !

by Anonymousreply 12November 25, 2021 12:44 AM

The grass is always greener.

by Anonymousreply 13November 25, 2021 1:07 AM

I very much am! It’s strange, I am far more content and happy day-to-day than most people I know, but I’m covetous of qualities I don’t have, or aspects of life I haven’t gotten to yet. I hear about someone who quit a corporate job to open a coffee shop and think, wow, I wish I was able to do something like that. At the same time I feel like the luckiest person ever to have the life I do. So I’m not sure what my jealous is about, maybe it’s more like wishful thinking?

by Anonymousreply 14November 25, 2021 1:14 AM

Yes. I used to live across the street from a sports team owner, and Id always see the Boars Head deli meat truck making a delivery every two weeks. He also had regular cookie delivery from this one fancy cookie place in town, but that deli truck always made me covetous.

by Anonymousreply 15November 25, 2021 2:58 AM

Of course. In particular at 14 and 15. I grew up with some very rich people. One girl was the daughter of a famous CEO and would take a limousine to go shopping in the White Plains Galleria (a mall in Westchester County) almost every Saturday, which, in Junior High, I felt was the height of luxe teen living. Veronica Lodge level. So ridiculous.

by Anonymousreply 16November 25, 2021 4:31 AM

I have felt jealousy in a few relationships like keep your hands off my man or I'll draw blood with this butter knife.

by Anonymousreply 17November 25, 2021 4:51 AM

Envious--absolutely. Not really jealous anymore.

by Anonymousreply 18November 25, 2021 1:12 PM

As a teen and early 20s, yes both envy and jealousy.

After that not so much. I learned that all that glitters is not gold.

I am however still envious of people who can dance, I can't dance to save my life.

by Anonymousreply 19November 25, 2021 1:18 PM

In my 20’s I was jealous of my best friend. I didn’t realize that while he made a lot of success look easy/lucky, he actually put in a lot of work to make things happen. If nobody gets to see how the sausage is made, it looks like magic. These days, I’m not so naïve.

by Anonymousreply 20November 25, 2021 1:25 PM

Putting aside the hairsplitting RE envy & jealousy ...

Yes. I have been afflicted with terrible jealousy since high school, when I had some ill-judged musical theater aspirations, and Kyle Lodovico (pseudonym) had all the talent. Not only did he have talent -- great acting skills and a voice to die for -- but he was also a straight-A student, popular, and very good looking. In retrospect, I think my preoccupation with him was in part infatuation that I couldn't fully admit to myself. Anyway, it tortured me, the feelings of envy, and what could have been fun experiences and memories (playing small roles in our high school musical productions) were overshadowed by thinking of everything he had that I didn't.

A similar situation played out when I was getting my PhD. I should have been smarter but ... I chose a very toxic advisor who was known for pitting students against each other. When I entered the program, he was already working closely with "Francois," an international student from France. [As an aside, I'm pretty sure my advisor was deeply closeted, as he had a long history of having "favorite" male students. I was not a favorite.] Anyway, not only was Francois a favorite, but my advisor compared me unfavorably to Francois for the entire five years of my program. Naturally, I came to resent Francois and all his scholarly achievements, many of which he only obtained because my advisor pulled strings. Again ... it cast a terrible pall over my grad school experience, because no matter what I myself achieved, I felt it paled in comparison to Francois.

I wish I could be less jealous/envious. I've tried many things, including: 1. Being successful myself 2. Going to therapy 3. Rationalizing myself out of those feelings. But still ... the feelings remain, and fester.

by Anonymousreply 21November 25, 2021 1:27 PM

I envy people with bubble butts. I have the worst ass and squats never helped. I envy people who are thinner than me because I lack the willpower and it reminds me that I could do it but just don’t want to. Never jealous of the wealthy. Those people are just as fucked up as anyone.

by Anonymousreply 22November 25, 2021 1:32 PM

I'm jealous of the OP for being such a rancid cunt

by Anonymousreply 23November 25, 2021 1:38 PM

Fleetingly sometimes but then I remind myself that grass is always greener and you never know what’s going on with other people.

by Anonymousreply 24November 25, 2021 1:48 PM

I used to be jealous of great looking colleagues and very wealthy colleagues—then realized that everyone is fucked up in his own way.

by Anonymousreply 25November 25, 2021 1:51 PM

1) I’m envious of people who have healthy relationships with their parents. No complaints about my father but my mother is Beth Jarret.

2) I’m envious of people who don’t have anxiety about anything

3) I’m envious of people who appear to be effortlessly witty. (OT: I’ve thought about taking improv classes or joining a toastmasters club but haven’t done it yet.)

by Anonymousreply 26November 25, 2021 1:55 PM

I have a friend who tries to provoke jealousy in others, but it’s a sign that she’s unhappy. I don’t think she’s figured that out yet, though. I always want to say, have you thought about why you need so much validation for things you claim to be thrilled with? But I keep my trap shut…

by Anonymousreply 27November 25, 2021 1:55 PM

I’m jealous of zen people—for whom the small frustrating details of life just don’t matter

by Anonymousreply 28November 25, 2021 1:58 PM

At the risk of one of those stories that goes on and on for several paragraphs, I'll summarize by saying that I was jealous of another member of a writing class. Her sense of place was absolutely incredible; I'm not a visual person but reading her stories for me was like watching a movie unfold.

After the final session, we all went out for drinks together. One of the features of the classes was that we returned the person's work with suggestions. That woman made a point of gushing to me how incredibly helpful she found my comments "You're an incredible editor!"

I want to go into more detail about the person I knew at University who, despite his footlong hot dog, was struggling mightily with passing basic English (not an ESL immigrant).

by Anonymousreply 29November 25, 2021 1:59 PM

I recall a guy in college who was good looking, talented and smart, self confident. I wasn’t jealous—I was more in awe.

by Anonymousreply 30November 25, 2021 1:59 PM

R29, I had a similar experience in grad school. In a class, one woman would make the most insightful comments. I made comments but they seemed so concrete vs her philosophical ones.

At the end of the year, at a party, I went up to her and told her how I interesting her comments were. She said, “Are you kidding?? Yours were the best in the class!” I couldn’t believe it.

by Anonymousreply 31November 25, 2021 2:02 PM

I loved taking writing class in college. Nothing improved my writing more than learning how to read and evaluate other peoples’ stories. Mine were nonfiction memoir classes and I still think about some of the stories I read way back when.

by Anonymousreply 32November 25, 2021 2:04 PM

Came in mostly to clarify, though others have pointed out there's a difference between jealousy and envy, and what most people refer to as jealousy is actually envy - the difference is, you can be jealous over something/someone you have, and envious over something you don't have.

I am not a jealous person. I think a tiny amount of controlled, reasonable jealousy is fine and healthy - I think it's pretty common to be a little protective and not want someone to be hitting on your man, but a lot of people take it way too far.

I've always been envious of men with physical attributes that I admire, I think I am more mellow with age but it's still there. I think I have come to accept though that I'm only competing with myself, and not to compare myself to others.

Similarly, I've had feelings of envy for people who have (seemingly) amazing jobs and opportunities that I don't have, and I have struggled with that because I know I am equally, if not more capable - but everyone plays the hand they are dealt the best they can, and maybe they were more willing to climb the greasy pole or dedicate more of their lives to work than I have been. I have a slight contradiction in that I sometimes feel I should be further along in my career than I am, although in reality I'm pretty content where I am and I have a great work/life balance and have never been an especially ambitious person.

Ultimately, envy OR jealousy are generally negative and destructive emotions. The only way I could think of envy being a positive is if it genuinely spurs you into action rather than just wallowing in it and complaining why some people seem to have it better.

by Anonymousreply 33November 25, 2021 2:09 PM

R16- I used to go to the Galleria with my friends ca. 1982. Sears and Macy's have both closed this year so basically the Galleria is out of business, but the white middle class people who shopped there back then have been long gone for many years. It was mainly poor people of color who went to the Galleria. I think some woman was killed by a homeless person there in the mid 1990's.

by Anonymousreply 34November 25, 2021 2:10 PM

In the gay world we homos are often most jealous of guys who are VERY good looking and YOUNG and well HUNG- unless of course one of those so called VGL, YOUNG and HUNG guys expresses an interest in one of us than all is right with the world.

by Anonymousreply 35November 25, 2021 2:17 PM

I'm envious of people with controllable children who don't have to take matters into their own hands.

Just sayin'...

by Anonymousreply 36November 25, 2021 2:50 PM

I used to sometimes be jealous of friends’ good fortune. Then I started looking at it differently: I’m friends with them, so I’m adjacent to their good fortune, in with the in crowd. Much better.

by Anonymousreply 37November 25, 2021 2:54 PM

I was shocked to discover I did harbor jealousy towards someone. At least that was part of my reaction to them. A cousin I grew up with, a couple years older than me. He was a bully and overbearing and was mean to me when we were kids. Yet he always sought me out as a playmate because he was lonely. I late reflected that I was the cutie pie. The darling boy. The one who got away with stuff, and I was rambunctious, willful, rebellious, etc. while he craved the approval of adults who sort of patted him on the head, and smile d absently. He always asked, "How come Jimmy gets away with everything! (But I didn't always.) Later, our lives diverged and I did not fulfill early promise. I did well, but not nearly as well as I could have. He, OTOH, did spectacularly. He has tons of Education credentials, he has done things, gotten awards, traveled to exotic places, and lived a really great life. And I can't stand him. I thought it was because of how mean he was. I thought it was because he still complains about all the things he didn't have. (My parents were working class, his were wealthy.!) And he is ALWAYS crying about shit. But now I know that I resent him too. Jealous of what he achieved, and how he sits here still bitching.

by Anonymousreply 38November 25, 2021 3:05 PM

R38- he sits here still bitching- AS DO YOU

by Anonymousreply 39November 25, 2021 3:07 PM

Envy is part of the gay male experience

by Anonymousreply 40November 25, 2021 3:15 PM

R34, I went to the Galleria recently and was surprised that an entire wing seemed closed. Every shopper seems like a poor person of color. The upper end mall in White Plains is the Westchester Mall.

by Anonymousreply 41November 25, 2021 3:48 PM

R41- In the early 1980's it had the highest per capita sales of any mall in the country. The Westchester is where the middle class/upper middle class white shop nowadays but even that shopping center isn't as busy as it used to be. Since 2018 White Plains has seen Walmart , Sears and Macy's close. I wonder which department store is next- I'd guess either Bloomingdales or Saks Fifth Avenue.

by Anonymousreply 42November 25, 2021 4:04 PM

There's a big difference between envy and jealousy. I envy a lot of men; particularly, those guys who are handsome, built, confident and have all their hair even into old age, but often I find that they're envious of guys like me who have grown past the superficial and found happiness with who and what they are. That said, in college I was incredibly jealous of one peer who had it all. He was not just handsome, he was model-good looking (and was a model). He was not particularly smart, but he had a photographic memory and could glance at a page of text for a few seconds, and then repeat it back to you word for word. He came from a wealthy family and none of the average student concerns like paying tuition, balancing work and school, or not going someplace warm and exotic on every school break. I'm confident saying that if he were that age today, he'd be an instagram influencer with millions of followers hanging on every picture he posted. What bothered me the most was that it wasn't that he made it look easy, it was that for him it was easy. In the years that we were peers, I never saw him have to actually work for anything.

I don't know what became of him, and the last time I saw or heard anything about him was seeing him modelling in an ad about 10 years after we graduated, and he looked just as he did in college whereas the rest of us had changed (some for the better, most for the worse). It was at that moment that I realized I was no longer jealous of him.

by Anonymousreply 43November 25, 2021 4:05 PM

^ I posted this

by Anonymousreply 44November 25, 2021 4:06 PM

R42, agree that the Westchester seems very sparse nowadays. I think everyone is just over malls. I know I am. Every mall seems the same, no matter where in the country (or even world) I go.

by Anonymousreply 45November 25, 2021 4:08 PM

[Quote] Since 2018 White Plains has seen Walmart , Sears and Macy's close.

Wow. Things are really bad if a Walmart closes

by Anonymousreply 46November 25, 2021 4:10 PM

I've thought about this topic a lot over the last ten years as it's come up a lot in my life. My interest is so great that I actually went to a seminar on the topic a while back which was really interesting. Jealousy and envy are very innate human characteristics (and in a lot of other animals), and we all experience it on some level. So anyone claiming they've never experienced envy or jealousy (I have a friend who always proclaims she isn't a "jealous person" despite being one of the most covetous people I know). I was really stricken with envy and jealousy issues all throughout my teens and 20s. Like others, I grew up around a lot of kids who I perceived as being wealthier and more privileged. My parents sent us to private school which was great, but looking back it would have been nice to not be surrounded by kids whose parents lived in large houses with pools, took them on fancy spring break vacations and bought them expensive luxury cars. And unfortunately during college when I started making my own money, I ended up spending a lot of money foolishly in an attempt to be part of that elite crowd. That in turn led to some very financial unstable years in my 20s with a lot of drinking, going out with friends and a demolished credit history.

With that said, I feel like those experiences have ultimately tamed any negative impulses that come about from envy in my 30s. No matter what I do, I won't turn into a different person. These days, I experience more envy towards those who simply have an "easier" life and those who just seem more awake and energized. I still envy the person in the fancy car or house, but I am able to quell those feelings by subconsciously knowing, deep down, that I don't really want any of that, but rather the feeling those items give. And that feeling is fleeting. And I know that dropping a few hundred bucks on some designer garment or taking on a higher car or house payment than what is prudent isn't going to make me feel better, or even make me less envious of people. Further, despite feeling jealousy or envy, I also feel a sense of gratitude and happiness towards those who have what I don't (something which is really hard to cull). The gal/friend I referenced above, although she claims the opposite, is an extremely jealous person and those feelings have really wrecked her life. She's been disowned by her father, she's broke, unemployed for now five years, living with her sick and disabled mother in a townhome they can't properly maintain, and it is all because she could never and still can't control the negative impulses she feels when she gets jealous or envious. I was definitely going down that road and thankfully I was able to get myself back on track.

by Anonymousreply 47November 25, 2021 5:32 PM

Capucine said that Elizabeth and Burton LIVED to provoke jealousy in each other. And they always succeeded.

by Anonymousreply 48November 25, 2021 9:09 PM

OP and some of the posters here are driving me mad using words the wrong way.

I've been envious of folks who are higher up the work ladder than I am, just on occasion. I used to be envious of other gay men having stable relationships, but I used it to motivate me to find that for myself rather than comparing myself to them, and things worked out eventually (in my 40s, mind you).

I've experienced jealousy when my boyfriend would look at other guys, but that feeling stopped after the first couple years together. Now 8 years in, we both check out guys, and point them out to each other: "that one's for you," etc., and it's just light hearted fun that doesn't mean we're looking to cheat or compare these other guys to each other. What a relief to have a good relationship to help me get over a very unfounded jealous feeling (that had plagued me during all my relationships in life, but no more).

by Anonymousreply 49November 25, 2021 9:15 PM

Not really because what I do is unique and I don’t have a life outside of work and slept with too many married men to aspire to a relationship.

by Anonymousreply 50November 25, 2021 9:29 PM

[quote]OP and some of the posters here are driving me mad using words the wrong way.

MARY!!!!!

by Anonymousreply 51November 25, 2021 9:29 PM

R34 I was 15 in 1982, so yes, that is exactly the era I was referring to. Makes sense that it eventually turned into a dump.

by Anonymousreply 52November 26, 2021 7:14 AM

I’m confident in myself and know my limits enough to not get jealous.

by Anonymousreply 53November 26, 2021 12:47 PM

I think I learned on DL that we feel jealousy about what we have and feel envy about what others have…I think OP is asking about envy.

by Anonymousreply 54November 26, 2021 12:59 PM

I am envious of people around my own age who have found peace. However, I am not ever jealous of anyone - never have been the jealous type.

by Anonymousreply 55November 26, 2021 1:06 PM

As someone turning 40 in the midwest, I am jealous of those who live in New York. I don’t get jealous while in a relationship anymore though, thank goodness.

by Anonymousreply 56November 26, 2021 1:09 PM

Now, as an eldergay, I only envy the good health of others. Money is desirable, but health really is the most valuable thing . Despite good diet and exercise, I have several progressive conditions which are limiting. I envy similar aged friends who take no medications, did little to earn good health, yet enjoy it and are fortunate due to good genetics. Their parents all lived well into the nineties in pretty good shape. Be very careful when choosing your parents, much of your later life will be determined through them.

by Anonymousreply 57November 26, 2021 2:11 PM

Nope. Happy with what I've accomplished, where I've gotten to in life.

by Anonymousreply 58November 26, 2021 2:40 PM

I'm not materialistic, or envious of others' posessions. There seems to be a lot of that here.

by Anonymousreply 59November 26, 2021 2:55 PM

My priority with disposable income is that I don't like to fly coach on trips of more than three hours. So, when I see so many folks driving very expensive vehicles, I just tell myself "Okay, that's their spending priority." As for looks, the kinda guys who honestly are in the running for modeling contracts trigger "Well, isn't he the lucky one!" and move on.

by Anonymousreply 60November 26, 2021 3:03 PM

R48 Sexual jealousy is kind of exciting.

by Anonymousreply 61November 27, 2021 2:55 PM

I have pangs of it but the fact that I accept being normal and unremarkable keeps it at bay. Comparison is the thief of joy, as someone once said.

by Anonymousreply 62November 27, 2021 4:14 PM

Oh yes of course I have been jealous at times. Lots. But have learned to focus on the good in my life and trying to bring more. It helps to look at it objectively and try to figure out what it is telling you...some qualities in others are just not in the cards for me, but it helps me identify what I would like to work on in my life. The jealousy highlights a longing, so to speak..In that way way it is helpful. Definitely all is not what it seems and we all have our issues and struggles. Comparing struggles to others isn’t is a downer, and can get us stuck In what I don’t have vs what I can do about it, if I so choose. It’s good to keep an eye open for this feeling because can be inspiring and bring ideas.

These days I try to stay in my lane, make it the best I can, but open to possibilities if they come along. I’ve always Envied and admired bilingual ability. I’ve studied at various times, honestly, It doesn’t come easily to me. I wish it did, doubtful be fluent, and honestly don’t want it that much at this point. but if I Really want to I bet I can get a workable knowledge and be able to visit that country, not now of course, and have that experience. Will I do it? I don’t know, depends on how much I want it at the time but I know I could if I really wanted to. So no, it’s not the same as my original admiration of multilingual speaker but it put me in the direction of making my life fuller.

by Anonymousreply 63November 27, 2021 5:04 PM

I have many flaws but jealousy has never been one of them. I’m happy with what I’ve got and it ain’t much.

by Anonymousreply 64November 27, 2021 5:13 PM

Let's say that a person is better looking or more accomplished or richer than I am - or all three.

If that person is a good person - friendly, thoughtful. creative, supportive of the people they know - then I have no cause to envy them; rather, I'm glad I know them (or know of them).

If that person is a damaged person - either unhappy or ill - then I do not envy them because I feel sorry for them.

If that person is a bad person - selfish, nasty, greedy, etc. - then I do not envy them because I do not like them.

To put it another way, to have Donald Trump's money/life/three wives requires being Donald Trump. I don't want to be Donald Trump.

But as much as I like him, I don't want to be Robert Downey Jr. either.

I am me. It took a long time and I'm good with the end result.

Do I wish I was better looking, richer, etc.? Yes, from time to time. I think that's pretty normal. But I don't think it's envy.

by Anonymousreply 65November 27, 2021 5:59 PM

You all talk about "I envied someone who had something, until I realized they worked hard for it". But what about the people who don't work hard for it? I think it's likely to feel envy for people who get things they don't deserve. Like envying someone who gets cast in something when they didn't do a lot to deserve it, or haven't the talent, for ex.

by Anonymousreply 66November 27, 2021 6:05 PM

I know there's a difference between envy and jealousy, and it's good to know. But let's face it, conversationally we all say jealous to mean envious.

Anyway, I did go through some raging jealousy when a friend who works in finance purchased an incredibly beautiful home in an upscale neighborhood here in LA. It was stately and tasteful, has been used as a movie location, I couldn't sneer at it for any reason. The only reason I was so mad was because we'd had a bitter falling out. Otherwise I'd say, oh well, at least I get to hang out at my friend's fancy house.

by Anonymousreply 67November 27, 2021 6:07 PM

R66, if they don't have the talent, it will show in the performance. If it shows in the performance, they are less likely to be hired in the future.

And then think of how they feel. If they know they don't have talent then they are bound to be insecure. If they think they have talent when they don't then they are foolish.

Would you like to be insecure or foolish?

by Anonymousreply 68November 27, 2021 6:11 PM

Yes, I do get jealous or envious of people. Of all the deadly sins, this is probably my weak spot.

I think you should just acknowledge it. Don't water and fertilize it like a plant, but don't deny it exists, either.

by Anonymousreply 69November 27, 2021 7:11 PM

Absolutely NOT.

by Anonymousreply 70November 27, 2021 7:18 PM

I'm guilty of pretty much every other deadly sin, but envy? I don't have time for that shit. There's no payoff.

Gluttony = delicious food and booze.

Lust = sex

Sloth = a nice nap

Pride = me thinking how great I am

Greed = me wanting money

Anger = hey, this can be fun sometimes.

Envy? Envy isn't fun.

by Anonymousreply 71November 27, 2021 7:19 PM

I'm not jealous or envious of anyone(as a teen and in my 20s yes) but deeply deeply unhappy with myself. At the same time I have few regrets because the basic material I was given by nature was of such a course mediocre quality there was nothing to be done about it. I did the best I could with what I had.

by Anonymousreply 72November 27, 2021 9:54 PM

Being bluntly honest, yes, and my issues with both jealousy and envy began at a young age. It's been at the root of the collapse of numerous relationships, both platonic and romantic.

I never realized how emotionally challenged I was until I looked back into the wake of all the people who were once part of my life but whom with my jealousy (and envy) got the upper hand. I really should've sought therapy when it could've made some difference, but I never fully realized it until it was too late.

by Anonymousreply 73November 27, 2021 10:38 PM

I’ve never been jealous because I thought it was such a wasted emotion. I have, however, been in the position of making people jealous, and I never liked being in that position. There was nothing I could do to fix these situations. I certainly wasn’t going to try to be their friend or change anything about myself to make them feel better. In fact, once I realize a person is jealous, I want to get as far away from them as possible. There is nothing to be gained by associating with them. They suck the energy out of the room.

by Anonymousreply 74November 27, 2021 11:07 PM

I have always been on the receiving end of people who were jealous of me due to my looks. A tall slim shapely blonde with great bone structure and fabulous hair. It was strictly genetics so I always felt undeserving because I had nothing to do with it. I saw jealousy as such a destructive emotion I swore I would never react that way to someone who was more successful or charming than me.

by Anonymousreply 75November 27, 2021 11:17 PM

I will say I don’t particularly envy or resent rich people. I’d rather aspire! That’s why I love walking my dog in wealthy neighborhoods. The homes give me a nice aesthetic experience, and I can dream, can’t I?

by Anonymousreply 76November 28, 2021 12:51 AM

So there's envy, jealousy and resentment and they all get mushed up. I guess for me, I don't resent other people's success or their life. But I do resent it when they constantly complain about how shit their life is because Daddy didn't buy them a puppy 30 years ago, but they are living the life.

by Anonymousreply 77November 28, 2021 1:35 PM

I have no one I can admit this to in real life, but I want to get this off my chest, so to speak.

Yes. I'm jealous of my ex and his new relationship.

Although we didn't break up on bad terms, he just casually cancelled our date . We made plans for the following week, and he cancelled again. Then he did it one more time and I knew it was over.

He found someone who lived closer to him. He's better educated, lives in a $500,000 house. Has lots of friends. Knows all the right people. He's always "on", as if he's always performing in a Broadway play. So, yes, I'm jealous.

How do I know this? I'm ashamed to admit that I look at his social media. They look like they're having so much fun. Always laughing. Always going to fun places. He even got him to dress up on Halloween, a holiday that he always thought was just for kids.

I'm more reserved, I know that, so yes, I'm jealous of his exuberance and seemingly extroverted ways. I'm jealous that I was so easily discarded. Although he never forgets my birthday. I guess he wants to keep me in his back pocket just in case things don't work out.

The only thing I'm not jealous of is that he's chunky. And my ex has let his beautiful body go. He now has manboobs. And in all the pictures, he's always kinda in the background. Or standing behind him. It's just very odd. For example, they were at some event and his new man posted a video clip. He was standing there goofing around with another guest and my ex was in the background sitting on a chair by himself looking at them and smiling along.

I know I'm just looking for something to make me feel better, I shouldn't be jealous and I'm embarrassed by my behavior by being so invasive. Social media can be a blessing and a curse.

I'm not looking for advice or criticism. I know I'm driving myself crazy. I know I'm wrong to do this. I know it's over and I need to move on. All I wanted to do was to "talk" to someone, anonymously, about the feelings of jealousy I'm having.

by Anonymousreply 78November 28, 2021 2:44 PM

Jealousy in a couple of relationships if they seemed into someone else. Other than that mostly envy but not proper jealousy - as in, oh, I'd like money, a great job, looks or whatever but I don't want to take it from them, just want my own thing.

by Anonymousreply 79November 28, 2021 2:49 PM

I think it's an unhealthy emotion. I prefer to admire the good fortune of others.

by Anonymousreply 80November 28, 2021 3:28 PM

R78 What you are doing may be a temporary phase, but if this jealousy becomes long term obsessive, seek help to overcome it.

by Anonymousreply 81November 28, 2021 3:42 PM

Yeah, R81. Just reading what I wrote, it seems so obsessive and silly. If it was anyone else but me who wrote that, I'd be rolling my eyes.

It just felt good writing about it to get it out of my system.

Thank you.

by Anonymousreply 82November 28, 2021 4:34 PM

Back about 20 years ago there were two guys I was very envious of (by the way, jealous is not the same as envy).

Both were ahead of me in our careers, both seemed to have everything going for them. I spent a lot of time hating on them. It was ridiculous, I knew, but I couldn't help it. I was so damn envious.

Then, in the space of a year, both of them died. It was very weird. One of AIDS, one of cancer. And I thought about all that time I'd spent being so envious and I actually felt guilty, as though I had spread bad karma about them in the ether. I don't really think that's the case but still. it was the ultimate lesson that there's more to life than material success, and just as much, someone else's material success.

by Anonymousreply 83November 28, 2021 4:44 PM

R82 the obsessing is probably just part of grieving for the relationship, but also speaks to things you feel are lacking in your own life. Maybe work on the latter, and eventually your compulsion to monitor his social media will wane. You do know, don’t you, that he’s posting a shiny version of his life. I once did the same thing until eventually my ex and the guy he dumped me for broke up. My ex recently had a big splashy wedding to his NEWER guy, and I no longer care. My successor, meanwhile, looks lonely on Instagram - boo hoo!

by Anonymousreply 84November 28, 2021 4:49 PM

PS, R82, above all be careful not to accidentally like one of your ex’s posts. Especially if you’ve been drinking.

by Anonymousreply 85November 28, 2021 4:52 PM

I’ve been jealous of crush’s significant others. Maybe that’s envy.

But I’ve never been jealous of who someone is or what someone has as far as materialism or someone’s life.

by Anonymousreply 86November 28, 2021 4:58 PM

So funny R85 and so true! So far so good.

by Anonymousreply 87November 28, 2021 5:00 PM

About 15 years ago, I guy I knew killed himself. On the surface, he seemed to have everything -- he was extraordinarily smart, he was charming, lots of friends, and he had a lovely, beautiful fiancee. His suicide definitely gave me a lesson. Lots of guys probably would have thought they wanted to trade places with him, but no, not if they knew what was going on inside. You know what other people have, but you don't know what they need.

by Anonymousreply 88November 28, 2021 6:25 PM

R88 so why did he kill himself? Was it that he was giving too much of himself, hence why he seemed to be perfect, but not getting much in return?

by Anonymousreply 89November 28, 2021 6:27 PM

R89, from what I gather, he had been struggling with depression for a while. He did maybe give too much, and perhaps his achievements were in part trying to cope with how he felt. He was finishing a demanding graduate program in one of the sciences -- and then decided that he didn't want to do science anymore. I think he was feeling upset and lost about that. Or it was just his depression talking. But regardless, he was so young he could have easily pivoted to a plan B or use his degree for an alternate career.

by Anonymousreply 90November 28, 2021 6:38 PM

R78, I wouldn't be jealous of someone who is always 'on' like in a Broadway play. That's some serious overcompensating behavior and it's exhausting.

Bullet dodged, I'd say.

by Anonymousreply 91November 29, 2021 2:00 AM

I try to stay off FB for the most part because it causes unpleasant pangs of jealousy caused by comparison. I will notice that some people get tons of “likes” for posting a picture of themselves and that I only got a fraction of them for when my dad died. I feel so stupid posting this, I have to admit it to the DL confessional booth. I think we all know that these deep insecurities are petty but sometimes you have them nevertheless and SM really brings them to the forefront. I’ll actually get a bit weepy for a minute and self-pityingly think “no one “likes” me!”

by Anonymousreply 92November 29, 2021 3:15 PM

Had another thought about dealing with jealousy/anger. These days, instead of stewing in it, I ask the person for tips: How did you do it? Where did you get it? Sometimes they're surprisingly willing to share.

by Anonymousreply 93December 2, 2021 12:45 PM

I went through short but strong pangs of it when my two friends started falling all over a girl in our French class. She was cute, but what I ate my heart out wishing I also had were her effervescent personality and facility with the French language. Her spoken French was outstanding and largely self-taught. The four of us were in the gifted track, but within that group she was a top achiever and with an apparent ease at learning new material. I got over all of this fairly quickly. At age 14 the whole train of thought felt like a childish and unpleasant way to direct my thoughts.

Turns out, all that glitters is not gold. The poor thing later attempted suicide. I hope she's out there somewhere doing great. I've been on the flip side of being envied and it is no picnic on either end of the equation.

by Anonymousreply 94December 2, 2021 1:43 PM

I've never been the jealous type. I have plenty of character failings but jealously isn't one of them.

by Anonymousreply 95December 2, 2021 1:50 PM

I've worked my ass off in life and am reaping the benefits with a great job, house, family.

I'm not jealous of anyone.

by Anonymousreply 96December 2, 2021 2:20 PM

I'm jealous of Rihanna. I wanted her career and wealth, even before she came on the scene, I wanted to be a successful Caribbean artist who made it big worldwide. Some people have all the luck, sigh.

by Anonymousreply 97December 2, 2021 4:14 PM

I'm not envious of anyone here who can't use the terms 'envy' and 'jealousy' correctly. It's making my brain hurt reading some of these posts.

by Anonymousreply 98December 2, 2021 4:41 PM

"I'm jealous of Rihanna"

Oh yeah, did she ditch you for Chris Brown?

by Anonymousreply 99December 2, 2021 4:42 PM

I have far too many people I believed were somehow perfect actually very, very flawed.

I fine with what I am and what I own

by Anonymousreply 100December 2, 2021 6:14 PM

I’m jealous of the dead..

by Anonymousreply 101December 2, 2021 6:25 PM

R101, why? Did they cheat on you with six feet of dirt and worms?

by Anonymousreply 102December 2, 2021 7:07 PM

When I was much younger, I had a friend who had a wealthy father and he would buy her a condo when she would switch colleges. Didn't like it? Bought another, got to keep the money from the first. Was given everything. Dad bought her a huge house when she got married. Still kept the condo(s) money. Always had the nicest cars and clothes everyone wanted. Vacations. I was jealous of having to work to put myself through college and eventually working got so attractive the college took longer and longer. I worked to go on the "basic" vacations with our group of friends that she would complain about.

But... she is as boring as white bread. Won't eat most foods, has a really hard time relating to others socially and doesn't get social cues like most people. I'm not jealous of her anymore. She got her boring life, but it still looks super easy.

by Anonymousreply 103December 2, 2021 7:13 PM

I'll never be jealous again.

by Anonymousreply 104December 2, 2021 7:16 PM

[quote]My interest is so great that I actually went to a seminar on the topic a while back which was really interesting. Jealousy and envy are very innate human characteristics (and in a lot of other animals), and we all experience it on some level. So anyone claiming they've never experienced envy or jealousy (I have a friend who always proclaims she isn't a "jealous person" despite being one of the most covetous people I know).

I assume this was supposed to end with "so anyone claiming they've never experienced envy or jealousy...is lying," correct?

It's been so long since I was envious or jealous that I can't remember when it was or what it was about. I'm certain I did as a kid, but I just don't get jealous as an adult. If there's anything that bothers me it's entirely in the context of me, my partner, my pets, and my life, while what happens to others doesn't concern me much. If someone gets promoted at work, I congratulate them but it never occurs to me to make it about me and worry if I should have gotten promoted, was I being overlooked, is this unfair, am I being screwed, and why do they deserve it anyway? Just not in my nature anymore, I guess.

I don't think it's entirely true that anyone who says they don't get jealous is lying.

by Anonymousreply 105December 3, 2021 1:28 PM
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