Luscious labial lesbian lust. What advice does datalounge give?

I have a complicated situation, but I’ll try to be brief. My wife and I (both women) began having regular threesomes with a close friend (also female) about a year ago. It was fun, uncomplicated, and spiced our lives up during COVID, when there was really nothing else to do. But recently, we’ve realized things are actually quite complicated. My wife and I both fell in love with our friend, and she with us. We’re not in a place to explore a poly relationship—we’re already in the fringe being a same-sex couple in our small Midwestern town—but we can’t continue as a closeted triad because the feelings are real. We know we need to break up, and that at least one of us will get hurt. Our friend has said the marriage should be protected, but I’d rather be with her than my wife. I think she might agree, but I know she would tell my wife if I asked, so I’m afraid to until I’m certain of her answer. Unfortunately, I suspect my wife is thinking the same thing. We do all love each other and want to maintain a friendship if we can. How do we figure out how to minimize the hurt one of us will feel and decide who gets to keep our new love?