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Let's be excuses of a closeted person for not dating

Idea from Ann B. Davis thread.

I'm the sick mother who requires round the clock care.

by Anonymousreply 73November 26, 2021 9:16 PM

I'm long games of golf with Trump at Mar-a-Lago.

by Anonymousreply 1November 24, 2021 6:08 AM

I’m the weight gain. Oh the weight gain.

by Anonymousreply 2November 24, 2021 6:22 AM

I’m the war injury that may have rendered me impotent (with women).

by Anonymousreply 3November 24, 2021 6:27 AM

I'm the career I'm married to that leaves me no time for dating.

by Anonymousreply 4November 24, 2021 6:31 AM

Well, actually I DO date, but only in Europe.

by Anonymousreply 5November 24, 2021 6:35 AM

My last breakup hurt me so bad that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be in another relationship again.

by Anonymousreply 6November 24, 2021 6:48 AM

"I've got visitation rights with my sons on weekends."

by Anonymousreply 7November 24, 2021 6:54 AM

I’m the enduring heartache over the tragic death of a high school sweetheart.

by Anonymousreply 8November 24, 2021 6:55 AM

"I travel so much I can never plan anything ahead."

by Anonymousreply 9November 24, 2021 6:56 AM

"The church sort of frowns on priests dating."

by Anonymousreply 10November 24, 2021 6:58 AM

I’m too difficult to be in a relationship with.

by Anonymousreply 11November 24, 2021 7:00 AM

"Why would I? I'm not gay."

by Anonymousreply 12November 24, 2021 7:01 AM

"What if somebody saw us and word got back to Mother?"

by Anonymousreply 13November 24, 2021 7:06 AM

I am the 38 year old professor that claims to still be a virgin because of being of high moral character. I have a gay roommate and cruise Grindr.

by Anonymousreply 14November 24, 2021 7:16 AM

Sorry, but I just don't want people to think I'm a poofter.

by Anonymousreply 15November 24, 2021 7:35 AM

Mother always told me that Satan is the chaperone when a gentleman goes on a luncheon date with a young lady he has no concrete plans to marry. Terrifying!

by Anonymousreply 16November 24, 2021 7:38 AM

R16 Then ditch the young lady and have fun with Satan!

by Anonymousreply 17November 24, 2021 7:41 AM

I want only to serve the Baby Jesus.

by Anonymousreply 18November 24, 2021 7:50 AM

I'm the inability to love again following a) the savage cruelty of Miss Sonja Henie or b) the tragic death of a pretend girlfriend/wife/child.

by Anonymousreply 19November 24, 2021 7:56 AM

We're the unspecified things the closet case is too busy doing to have time for a relationship.

by Anonymousreply 20November 24, 2021 7:58 AM

R20 Like keeping that closet very firmly shut.

It's not easy.

by Anonymousreply 21November 24, 2021 8:06 AM

"That NDA is just to protect my privacy."

by Anonymousreply 22November 24, 2021 8:47 AM

I’m the church they attend telling them gays go to hell.

by Anonymousreply 23November 24, 2021 8:51 AM

I just haven’t found the right girl yet.

by Anonymousreply 24November 24, 2021 9:07 AM

Oh, there was a time. Long ago, before the war changed everything.

There was Jacques and Claude and Pierre. And Horst and Wolfgang. Not to forget little Wilhem.

Then came Verdun. And I've never dared try to recapture those stolen moments in the trenches.

by Anonymousreply 25November 24, 2021 9:40 AM

I'm too busy serving in the Senate.

by Anonymousreply 26November 24, 2021 9:41 AM

But I want a baby…

by Anonymousreply 27November 24, 2021 12:18 PM

My room mate likes to have dinner at six and I'm so tired after that, I just have no energy for anything except an early bed.

by Anonymousreply 28November 24, 2021 12:46 PM

[quote]I want only to serve the Baby Jesus.

And I want to service the Baby Jesus.

by Anonymousreply 29November 24, 2021 12:50 PM

I'm very set in my ways and it would be unfair to expect anyone to adjust to that.

by Anonymousreply 30November 24, 2021 12:52 PM

When I was a kid a Gypsy family came through and maybe being a kid I said some things only a kid would say.

Well, that old Gypsy lady whirled around in a trance and at the end told me her curse: I'd never know love.

And I never have.

by Anonymousreply 31November 24, 2021 1:17 PM

This is depressing. I have used some of these. I bet people saw right through me 😳

by Anonymousreply 32November 25, 2021 9:14 PM

I'm the only gay in the village.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 33November 25, 2021 9:27 PM

I’m in a long-term long distance relationship. It’s what works for us.

by Anonymousreply 34November 25, 2021 9:37 PM

I'm still mourning my deceased wife and deceased child that no one ever met.

by Anonymousreply 35November 25, 2021 9:44 PM

My father was abusive to my mother, and my Freudian psychiatrist says I’m likely to model this behavior,and no woman deserves…

by Anonymousreply 36November 25, 2021 10:35 PM

I'm shy.

by Anonymousreply 37November 25, 2021 10:40 PM

Not with your butch-ass self, r32.

by Anonymousreply 38November 25, 2021 11:21 PM

I'm just married to my career. I mean, tons of busy men manage to date and get married, but for me, it's strangely impossible

by Anonymousreply 39November 25, 2021 11:33 PM

I'm too busy dating models to settle down

by Anonymousreply 40November 25, 2021 11:34 PM

Shailene and I just need to spend some time apart

by Anonymousreply 41November 25, 2021 11:36 PM

I'm married to God

by Anonymousreply 42November 25, 2021 11:37 PM

I'm married to my dog, Axel

by Anonymousreply 43November 25, 2021 11:38 PM

I'd love to get married and have kids, but I haven't found the right girl yet

by Anonymousreply 44November 25, 2021 11:50 PM

What? Who Me? I’m not gay!

by Anonymousreply 45November 26, 2021 3:12 AM

Being an Illinois congressman is hard work! Where am I supposed to find the time to date?

by Anonymousreply 46November 26, 2021 3:19 AM

I really want to have kids. Maybe when I'm 60. Right now I'm an immature child of 37

by Anonymousreply 47November 26, 2021 3:26 AM

I'm just waiting for Mrs Right. It's really hard to find women to go out with when you're good-looking, rich, and world famous!

by Anonymousreply 48November 26, 2021 3:28 AM

Bored

by Anonymousreply 49November 26, 2021 3:32 AM

I'm married to football. Sorry, ladies!

by Anonymousreply 50November 26, 2021 3:40 AM

My job as an admiral in the navy doesn't leave me much time for dating

by Anonymousreply 51November 26, 2021 3:47 AM

I never know when I'm going to shit myself.

Oh.

See?

by Anonymousreply 52November 26, 2021 3:56 AM

I just got tired of mean, lying whores.

by Anonymousreply 53November 26, 2021 4:00 AM

My last gf cheated on me, and I'm not ready to date again.

by Anonymousreply 54November 26, 2021 4:02 AM

I'm too busy writing a gay romance novel, though not sure it will ever get published.

by Anonymousreply 55November 26, 2021 4:06 AM

My ex-wives and kid all tragically died....I'll never get over it!

by Anonymousreply 56November 26, 2021 4:06 AM

I’m (on the road/at sea) a lot for work, and it wouldn’t be fair to a spouse for me to be away most of the time.

by Anonymousreply 57November 26, 2021 4:27 AM

I'm devoted to my best friend, Gayle

by Anonymousreply 58November 26, 2021 5:15 AM

I was kicked out of the Navy with a dishonorable discharge. I'm unemployed. And unemployable. I live under an overpass with my mutt, Mutt.

Do you honestly think I'm dating material?

by Anonymousreply 59November 26, 2021 5:31 AM

I don't date.

I am a whore.

by Anonymousreply 60November 26, 2021 5:37 AM

I'm playing the field at the moment.

by Anonymousreply 61November 26, 2021 5:40 AM

I haven't found the right one yet.

by Anonymousreply 62November 26, 2021 6:09 AM

After Kelly died I just... I just *sobs*

by Anonymousreply 63November 26, 2021 6:13 AM

Do you really want to know?

I'm impotent.

Happy now?

by Anonymousreply 64November 26, 2021 6:28 AM

I promised Mother I won't date until she's dead.

by Anonymousreply 65November 26, 2021 7:38 AM

It's incredibly tough to meet women during the pandemic. But once it's over, there'll be no stopping my pursuit of pussy.

by Anonymousreply 66November 26, 2021 7:47 AM

My job causes me to move all the time and I would hate to put that pressure on a wife.

by Anonymousreply 67November 26, 2021 8:16 AM

Vespasian, my dear roommate, has an extremely finicky sense of smell. A perfume molecule or two clinging to my clothing would have him sneezing his head off.

"Bros before hose," as the teenagers say.

by Anonymousreply 68November 26, 2021 8:24 AM

It's easier just to sit at home and watch porn.

Cheaper, too.

by Anonymousreply 69November 26, 2021 8:29 AM

I never hear from them again after my first date.

by Anonymousreply 70November 26, 2021 2:02 PM

“None of your fucking business.”

by Anonymousreply 71November 26, 2021 2:19 PM

I've had so many organisms with women that I now vomit at the very thought of a lady's nether regions.

by Anonymousreply 72November 26, 2021 2:30 PM

I'm just really picky. I'm waiting for a gal who looks like a model, wears a size 0, has a 175 IQ, went to Oxford, and speaks 10 languages. I haven't found her yet, so I guess I'll just be single!

by Anonymousreply 73November 26, 2021 9:16 PM
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