Let's be excuses of a closeted person for not dating

I'm long games of golf with Trump at Mar-a-Lago.

I’m the weight gain. Oh the weight gain.

I’m the war injury that may have rendered me impotent (with women).

I'm the career I'm married to that leaves me no time for dating.

Well, actually I DO date, but only in Europe.

My last breakup hurt me so bad that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be in another relationship again.

"I've got visitation rights with my sons on weekends."

I’m the enduring heartache over the tragic death of a high school sweetheart.

"I travel so much I can never plan anything ahead."

"The church sort of frowns on priests dating."

I’m too difficult to be in a relationship with.

"Why would I? I'm not gay."

"What if somebody saw us and word got back to Mother?"

I am the 38 year old professor that claims to still be a virgin because of being of high moral character. I have a gay roommate and cruise Grindr.

Sorry, but I just don't want people to think I'm a poofter.

Mother always told me that Satan is the chaperone when a gentleman goes on a luncheon date with a young lady he has no concrete plans to marry. Terrifying!

R16 Then ditch the young lady and have fun with Satan!

I want only to serve the Baby Jesus.

I'm the inability to love again following a) the savage cruelty of Miss Sonja Henie or b) the tragic death of a pretend girlfriend/wife/child.

We're the unspecified things the closet case is too busy doing to have time for a relationship.

R20 Like keeping that closet very firmly shut.

It's not easy.

"That NDA is just to protect my privacy."

I’m the church they attend telling them gays go to hell.

I just haven’t found the right girl yet.

Oh, there was a time. Long ago, before the war changed everything.

There was Jacques and Claude and Pierre. And Horst and Wolfgang. Not to forget little Wilhem.

Then came Verdun. And I've never dared try to recapture those stolen moments in the trenches.

I'm too busy serving in the Senate.

But I want a baby…

My room mate likes to have dinner at six and I'm so tired after that, I just have no energy for anything except an early bed.

[quote]I want only to serve the Baby Jesus.

And I want to service the Baby Jesus.

I'm very set in my ways and it would be unfair to expect anyone to adjust to that.

When I was a kid a Gypsy family came through and maybe being a kid I said some things only a kid would say.

Well, that old Gypsy lady whirled around in a trance and at the end told me her curse: I'd never know love.

And I never have.

This is depressing. I have used some of these. I bet people saw right through me 😳

I'm the only gay in the village.

I’m in a long-term long distance relationship. It’s what works for us.

I'm still mourning my deceased wife and deceased child that no one ever met.

My father was abusive to my mother, and my Freudian psychiatrist says I’m likely to model this behavior,and no woman deserves…

I'm shy.

Not with your butch-ass self, r32.

I'm just married to my career. I mean, tons of busy men manage to date and get married, but for me, it's strangely impossible

I'm too busy dating models to settle down

Shailene and I just need to spend some time apart

I'm married to God

I'm married to my dog, Axel

I'd love to get married and have kids, but I haven't found the right girl yet

What? Who Me? I’m not gay!

Being an Illinois congressman is hard work! Where am I supposed to find the time to date?

I really want to have kids. Maybe when I'm 60. Right now I'm an immature child of 37

I'm just waiting for Mrs Right. It's really hard to find women to go out with when you're good-looking, rich, and world famous!

Bored

I'm married to football. Sorry, ladies!

My job as an admiral in the navy doesn't leave me much time for dating

I never know when I'm going to shit myself.

Oh.

See?

I just got tired of mean, lying whores.

My last gf cheated on me, and I'm not ready to date again.

I'm too busy writing a gay romance novel, though not sure it will ever get published.

My ex-wives and kid all tragically died....I'll never get over it!

I’m (on the road/at sea) a lot for work, and it wouldn’t be fair to a spouse for me to be away most of the time.

I'm devoted to my best friend, Gayle

I was kicked out of the Navy with a dishonorable discharge. I'm unemployed. And unemployable. I live under an overpass with my mutt, Mutt.

Do you honestly think I'm dating material?

I don't date.

I am a whore.

I'm playing the field at the moment.

I haven't found the right one yet.

After Kelly died I just... I just *sobs*

Do you really want to know?

I'm impotent.

Happy now?

I promised Mother I won't date until she's dead.

It's incredibly tough to meet women during the pandemic. But once it's over, there'll be no stopping my pursuit of pussy.

My job causes me to move all the time and I would hate to put that pressure on a wife.

Vespasian, my dear roommate, has an extremely finicky sense of smell. A perfume molecule or two clinging to my clothing would have him sneezing his head off.

"Bros before hose," as the teenagers say.

It's easier just to sit at home and watch porn.

Cheaper, too.

I never hear from them again after my first date.

“None of your fucking business.”

I've had so many organisms with women that I now vomit at the very thought of a lady's nether regions.

I'm just really picky. I'm waiting for a gal who looks like a model, wears a size 0, has a 175 IQ, went to Oxford, and speaks 10 languages. I haven't found her yet, so I guess I'll just be single!

bump

The Priesthood.

I’m filming the Top Gun sequel.

I'm in the running to be the new James Bond...

I just broke up with Rosario, the love of my life...

I'm the satisfied complacency after a furious jack off session.

Hahahha R76

I hook up with tons of chicks, never fuck them. play with their feet and fuck the rug til I cum, yet tell all my friends about the chicks I'm banging. I may be a serial killer, who knows.

He looks so uncomfortable in the pic at r78. The smile is beyond forced. Gay.

I’m taking care of Mother.....

The wardens won’t let me.

R73, sorry, Melania is still married to the orange turd....

Because of all the global warming-induced apocalyptic weather events of late, I've had to spend most of my free time in my news station's weather lab analyzing incoming data.

Bump

Im taking care of Mother...she sacrificed her life for me, the least I can do is take care of her

OP has it right. I worked with a woman who practically married her mother when her father died. His last words were "take care of your mother". She wasted 30 years of her life to hide the fact she's gay. But, then the green Subaru wagon with the old rainbow colored Apple logo sticker on the rear window told us differently.

I am an introvert. Meeting people at bars and parties is superficial and exhausting. I have a Dom I chat with on my computer. We are inseparable.

I'm the out and proud douche that represents all the community, alll of it, and is screaming in their face about how I'm taking their gay card away because they refuse to be a walking jerry springer sideshow

I'm just too sane to date lesbians.

Women just want my money. I prefer to be alone.

It didn't work out with the (female) love of my life early on. No woman can compare, so single I must be!

I'm too shy.

I lost two wives and my only child died of cancer after I took him to Lourdes for a miracle.

I'm asexuality.

A girlfriend in Canada.

I'm the privacy. I'm guarded very jealously, for no discernible reason, even though I am an actor/musician and my job literally requires me to constantly be in the public eye. Hence, I haven't dated a woman publicly in years, if ever. That you know of, of course, but you never know! Hehe.

A sports career I need to focus on.

I’m OP, and I’m jelly that other people actually have the option of turning down a date, or taking a break from dating.

I’m too insecure to understand how this is even a possibility, and I’m low key seething with INCEL rage, that these fucking cunts and Queens, can actually choose to say, “Nah, maybe later, but not right now”.

I feel like some people wildly misinterpreted OP's intent.

I'm roommates with my bros, and it's difficult to have any privacy. Plus, they're fucking sloppy. Bros will be bros. The powder room hasn't been cleaned in ages.

I can't have sex with a woman who has had a baby .