Hilarious bad review of "House of Gucci" in the Washington Post

(cont.) The rest of the story concerns the ups and downs of their marriage, set against a backdrop of the Gucci empire’s business dealings: Charges of tax fraud are brought against Rodolfo’s brother Aldo (Al Pacino), instigated by his ne’er-do-well, would-be designer son Paolo (Jared Leto), against whom countercharges of copyright infringement are brought. “I don’t need anyone,” Paolo declaims, in one of several lines destined to find their way to a midnight quote-along screening of the film. “I’m Paolo — Paolo Gucci! And I’m going to start my own line.” This short speech is followed by a shot of Paolo urinating on a vintage, Gucci-logo scarf, designed by his Uncle Rodolfo.

At another point, the ambitious Patrizia says, with the menace — and heavy, vaguely Eastern European accent — of a Countess Dracula, “It’s time to take out the trash.”

Good stuff. Except, not really. (I’ll admit the costumes are kind of fabulous.)

Speaking of accents: The Italian-inflected English dialogue (by Becky Johnston and Robert Bentivegna) is all over the map. Pacino sounds like his character grew up in the Bronx section of Florence. Irons struggles to shake off the Old Vic. And Driver doesn’t really try much at all. Leto, for his part sounds (and even looks) a little like Mario of the video game. The actor is unrecognizable under a bald cap, mustache and bushy sideburns that look like a family of woolly bear caterpillars have colonized his head, a paunchy fat suit and pudgy facial prosthetics.

But wouldn’t it have been simpler to just cast someone who already looks like that?

Apologies for making any of this sound like “Gucci” could be one of those so-bad-it’s-good larks. For all its imperfections, the sin this movie is most guilty of is taking itself too seriously. As a colleague observed after a recent screening, the film would have been a lot more fun if Adam McKay had directed it.

“I need an espresso,” sighs Maurizio, encountering one of the plot’s parade of pointless headaches. So might you, dear reader, but I wouldn’t recommend consuming one before the movie. Not without a bathroom break.

I'm just going to watch it for the clothes if for nothing else.

I read multiple reviews - most of them kind of meh - but I was surprised that even Adam Driver's performance was criticized - not just the more obvious hams, Lady Gaga & Jared Leto

And starring Salma Hayek as Miss Cleo!

I don't care how bad it is. As long as Kristen Stewart doesn't win the Academy Award for Spencer it's fine.

I didn't even know it was a true-crime movie—based on the involvement of Gaga, I thought it was some sort of self-indulgent twaddle along the lines of [italic]Pose.[/italic] This actually sounds semi-interesting.

OP is worse than Mussolini.

I heard a bad one on NPR.

Still, I'm intrigued and will see it.

Fat slob NY POST cunt troll OP can eat Trump's shit and die even though she now tries to post with WaPo articles.

R9 Do you ever have a conversation that doesn't mention Trump?

All I know is the guy who plays Tom Ford is gorgeous. The best part of the movie was towards the last part when Ford shows up to rescue Gucci, and he has his first fashion show and such beautiful men! Honestly, IMO, Ridley Scott should not direct anymore. And the dialogue was really poorly written. Very bad. Terrible. In fact you had to wonder how the actors got through their scenes.

But....I enjoyed the actors except for Jared Leto who may have thought he was in an extended SNL skit. Look. It's always easy to trash the actors. And Jared Leto and Jeremy Irons were surprisingly weak. Pacino and Adam Driver, and yes, Lady Gaga did their best, so did Angelica's son. But it was a shit mess from the directing stand point, the dialogue was just awful, and the accents were horrible. Uniformly bad, except for Adam. Sometimes I think critics expect those broad characterizations with the thick accents and feel deprived when they don't get them. Adam was playing a character who may not have had a thick accent. He was no peasant farmer, he was an educated, wealthy, high class guy.

Here's the thing. In general, we know they're all good actors. And they tried to work with what they had. But ugh. They needed someone to rebel, like Russell Crowe did when he was making Gladiator with Ridley. He told him point blank, the dialogue was crap and insisted on a re-write for his scenes. And refused to work, and since Olive Reed was dying even while he performed, Ridley quickly gave in.

Maybe everyone just had too much fun on those gorgeous sets on location, and couldn't take their characters seriously. BTW, I enjoyed Salma. The movie had SO much potential. Too bad Ridley fucked it up. Yes. Ridley. I refuse to put it all on the actors. This was 100% his mess.

I want to see the MST3K version.

I saw it at the theatre when it came out. Gaga’s acting was very campy. I thought I was watching a drag Queen from my local bar acting on the big screen. She won’t get an Oscar nomination, but will get other nominations that can be bribed like the Golden Globes and SAG etc.

I like Gaga enough but can not wrap my head around why there's not been more talk about how awful and campy both her performance and this film was. And I totally expect her to get some Oscar nomination for it. WHY?!?!? Is Hollywood that desperate now?A?

[quote]All I know is the guy who plays Tom Ford is gorgeous. The best part of the movie was towards the last part when Ford shows up to rescue Gucci

Agreed; that character was like a breath of fresh air with these otherwise tacky, gauche people and it seemed nice that he was able to bring life to the House of Tacky Merch even if the arrogant Adam Driver character was trying his best to bankrupt the company. That actor was also in Penny Dreadful as Dorian Gray. He is a beautiful thing.

Reeve Carney He was Spiderman on Broadway for Julie Taymor

I love Lady Gaga but I hate how pretentious she sounds when she talks about acting. She's a barely average actress and yet she goes on about method acting, staying in character long after filming and how intense acting can cause psychological damage to the actors.

I can understand someone like Meryl Streep or Daniel Day-Lewis making these statements but Gaga making them strikes me as someone who just got hired and already thinks they know just as much or even more about the company than the CEO and/or longtime employees with the most experience.

Great costumes, fucking terrible film.

We laughed out loud frequently in the cinema (not the only ones) I forgot it wasn’t intended to be comedic.

When Al Pacino delivers one of the most nuanced performances, your film has taken a wrong turn.

R18, see I thought it was intended to be comedic...in its own way. R17, see, Meryl Streep or Daniel Day Lewis would never say all that shit. It reflects on what a rookie Gaga is that she would talk about it.

Poor GaGa.

Well, fine. I’ll just have my crush on Adam Driver all by myself.

i haven't seen this. I think he's the ugliest man in Hollywood, him and that bugged eye cunt whose name I can't remember, ugly fuckers

R21, it's you and John Oliver.

Everyone was miscast. The senior Gucci roles needed real Italians. Driver was better in the early scenes, where he seemed an out of step goofy academic who left the family wealth for love. But later scenes, he was villainous ala Snidely Whiplash. Totally not believable. Jared Leto was stunt casting. Gaga gave it her all, she was just not very good. However, the interior scenes in Gucci senior's villa were lovely.

It's been quite a while since I've seen it and the only thing I can remember is the vintage Burberry trench coat GaGa was wearing in the boat near the beginning.

Adam Driver is just so unattractive.

I remember stopping it after 20 minutes.

Gaga needs to stick to singing. Her acting is Terrible .

Why do they keep inflicting Adam Driver on film goers? He's so ugly, I don't want to spend a couple of hours looking at him.

OP is Madonna

R29 Women like him for whatever reason. He was in Girls on HBO.