R187
See, I have a similar take on friendships. I just enjoy a variety of people and keeping in touch. Not everything is about score keeping. But that said, I hate wasting my time and feeling foolish, investing and having nothing to show for it. That's become a theme.
It hurts a lot when after years of being valued, of long intimate chats amd easy laughter, suddenly you aren't invited to holidays, or texted. You give freely and then they still walk away.
I have a friend whose Bday was this weekend. We've been close for over 10 years but since the marriage and her move to the burbs with the hubby and kid, she's made less and less effort.
I left a singing voicemail wishing her well as a joke. No response. It's the kind of thing she used to appreciate and get a kick out of. :(
I have never been the person who is "too busy" to acknowledge a friend reaching out. I always hope to be the kind of friend that builds easy lifelong bonds. At gatherings I try to show up with a food item, stick around to help clean up and take photos throughout so they don't have to. I buy thoughtful gifts, avoid drama at all costs and am loyal. I show up at the hospital.
I've also tried to be cool and casual, not clingy, invite friends to exclusive parties and events.....be someone folks think they're lucky to know.
And yet I've had a good dozen of what I thought were rock solid friendships fade away without explanation from the other party, so I've realized I need to be my own friend.
I don't have someone I know will be there for me. I don't have a BFF. It's scary.
It all hurts, but I've done nothing to warrant the ghosting. I definitely care too much....and close friends know I've a lousy relationship with my family....so I've definitely wanted a few friends who I can be there for and who can be there for me.
....but everyone I thought was "forever" has eventually gone.
December drives that point home. Well, to hell with that.
I'm a good person, people are fickle and I've seen people even nicer than me overlooked and ignored. I really do think kindness is interpreted as a sign of weakness by some.
As soon as you stop wanting people and ignore them, they seem to want you right? How dumb is that.
Anyway, I don't want the Coca Cola company and Hallmark channel to be able to manipulate me into feeling worthless. I'm doing the best I can. You are too.