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Etiquette question

I've been invited to spend Thanksgiving with friends and I'm bringing a bottle of wine for the host. Does the host keep the wine or share it with guests?

by Anonymousreply 404December 24, 2021 3:59 AM

The wine is a host gift to enjoy at his leisure that need not be shared with the guests.

The worst part is that since most people don't know this and either expect to have it shared or the host thinks it must be shared, you actually probably shouldn't get as nice a bottle as you might otherwise since the host probably won't get to enjoy it.

by Anonymousreply 1November 3, 2021 8:52 PM

The hosts get to decide. The end.

by Anonymousreply 2November 3, 2021 9:04 PM

I've been to gatherings where the host sets the wine aside but a guest takes it upon himself to open it.

by Anonymousreply 3November 3, 2021 9:13 PM

It's a gift. The host should enjoy the gift as they see fit.

by Anonymousreply 4November 3, 2021 9:17 PM

When you bring a food item (cooked or otherwise), or a bottle of wine to someone's house, it becomes theirs. They get to decide when it gets served, if it gets served. If you brought it in your own container/crock, you can ask for said back and they can find a way to store what you brought. If it's a beverage, it becomes theirs regardless of when it's served. You never take back anything you brought to your host.

If they GIVE it back to you.... you in danger gurl (you brought something unwanted)

by Anonymousreply 5November 3, 2021 9:17 PM

What R2 said. If this a group of adults, the host likely has the menu and wine planned and your single bottle of X may or may not work. The host may find a polite way of saying "Can't wait to try this next time we have fondue", then ask if you'd like to try the burgundy he just decanted.

by Anonymousreply 6November 3, 2021 10:26 PM

I am sure the host would be too embarrassed to open and share whatever cheap-ass rot-gut you picked up at the supermarket. But otherwise, yes, it's the host's choice.

by Anonymousreply 7November 3, 2021 11:00 PM

I once had a wine snob to dinner, He was a wine snob, and he always brought a bottle that he expected to be opened immediately, so he could hold court over it.

Not at my table, Charlie.

I graciously accepted it and matched it into the kitchen, where I hid it in a cabinet. He was visibly shaken. And when he left, I GAVE THE BOTTLE BACK and said that it would be a pity to waste such a lovely bottle on someone who could not appreciate it.

At least he did not go into the kitchen and pull the cupcakes from the trash bin...

by Anonymousreply 8November 3, 2021 11:07 PM

R3 I see that happen often. I no longer bring a special bottle of wine, chances are the host won’t even get a sip of it or remember who brought it.

by Anonymousreply 9November 3, 2021 11:19 PM

The host gets to decide but most polite people usually share it with the guests.9

by Anonymousreply 10November 3, 2021 11:25 PM

[quote] "I've been to gatherings where the host sets the wine aside but a guest takes it upon himself to open it."

Wow. That person wouldn't be invited back to my home.

by Anonymousreply 11November 3, 2021 11:25 PM

I love you, R8.

by Anonymousreply 12November 3, 2021 11:28 PM

[quote] The host gets to decide but most polite people usually share it with the guests.

I disagree with this. There was another DL thread where the OP brought wine to a friend's steak dinner (at home). Friend did not serve OP's wine and OP thought that friend should have served OP's wine.

It's up to the host whether or not they want to serve what you brought. It's not "impolite" to not serve it. Technically, the host is providing a venue and, in the instance of the other OP, steaks. That should be enough.

by Anonymousreply 13November 3, 2021 11:46 PM

It’s gift, and if there are too many people at the table it will not be served. OP, is this a situation when after being invited you offered to bring something? If so and you offered to bring wine make sure you have enough for two glasses per person (and hope your host has more on hand) when it runs out.

by Anonymousreply 14November 3, 2021 11:48 PM

R14 - I agree. Bringing one bottle is not cool if it's more than two people attending. I understand budget might be an issue, but if you do your homework you can probably find fairly priced good wines.

by Anonymousreply 15November 3, 2021 11:52 PM

It's intended as a gift for the host.

by Anonymousreply 16November 4, 2021 12:01 AM

All I can say is that one more bottle of wine and I'll be under the host.

by Anonymousreply 17November 4, 2021 12:03 AM

When I brought wine, she said “Oh, this will be nice to cook with.”

by Anonymousreply 18November 4, 2021 12:14 AM

[quote] Not at my table, Charlie. I graciously accepted it and matched it into the kitchen, where I hid it in a cabinet. He was visibly shaken. And when he left, I GAVE THE BOTTLE BACK and said that it would be a pity to waste such a lovely bottle on someone who could not appreciate it.

Wow, what a great host you clearly are. Everyone must feel very comfortable at [italic]your[/italic] house.

by Anonymousreply 19November 4, 2021 12:17 AM

When a gift of any kind leaves your hand, it's the property of the person who received it, to do with as they please with no questions from the gift-giver.

by Anonymousreply 20November 4, 2021 12:48 AM

R8 that was a dick move and your response was even more rude than his expectation that you would serve the wine. Whose cupcakes did you dump in the trash rather than serve them? You seem a bit unhinged.

by Anonymousreply 21November 4, 2021 12:53 AM

I agree with r21.

r8's response was far, far ruder than what his guest did, and his shame is all the worse because the host is supposed to treat guests well. If r8 had just not served the wine he would have been within his rights, but his story of going out of the way to humiliate the guest means r8 is a smelly asshole,

by Anonymousreply 22November 4, 2021 1:14 AM

I'd like to read an etiquette advice column hosted by r8. r8, you should start a thread where we can ask you our etiquette questions!

by Anonymousreply 23November 4, 2021 1:17 AM

As a host, I would do my damnest to bring out the bottle. It's the nice thing to do. If there are too many bottles or there just isn't a chance to open it, I would offer the bottle back at the end of the night, though of course the only correct answer for that is to refuse it.

Anyway where I'm from its not really an issue because it's more common to ask when you are invited what to bring, if you have to bring anything at all, and its not impolite to answer or request something at all. So people already know what they will be getting come the dinner.

by Anonymousreply 24November 4, 2021 1:17 AM

"I thought you might like this wine, feel free to enjoy on your own." Beyond that it's up to the host.

I also bring 2 bottles most of the time or a bottle and some dessert. I just feel that a bottle doesn't cut it anymore, particularly if you're drinking as well.

by Anonymousreply 25November 4, 2021 1:28 AM

Would wine and baked brie be acceptable?

by Anonymousreply 26November 4, 2021 1:34 AM

If you're coming to my house, please bring a wine that goes with tomatoes and prunes.

by Anonymousreply 27November 4, 2021 1:36 AM

R26 not unless you live next door and can transport the Brie from your place to his while it is still hot. Do NOT expect to heat something in someone else’s oven especially on Thanksgiving.

by Anonymousreply 28November 4, 2021 1:38 AM

When I take wine as a gift and want it to be served while I'm there I always take 2 bottles and present one as a gift to the host for their enjoyment, and make it known that the other bottle is for the gathering I'm attending. If anyone would refuse to open at least one bottle that would be the last time I would accept an invitation to their home.

by Anonymousreply 29November 4, 2021 1:41 AM

R29 what if the host has out a lot of thought into the wine being served with dinner? That would be rude IMO to expect him to open a separate bottle for you.

by Anonymousreply 30November 4, 2021 1:45 AM

Hell, just bring a fucking handle of decent vodka and be done with it. Oh, and R8 is one nasty piece of work.

by Anonymousreply 31November 4, 2021 1:47 AM

R30, I always ask the hosts if they have wine for dinner. If they say yes we do then I ask them what else I can bring.

by Anonymousreply 32November 4, 2021 1:51 AM

Whatever you do, OP, please don't bring a bottle with a screw-on cap.

by Anonymousreply 33November 4, 2021 2:00 AM

The only correct thing to being to a dinner party is a big plastic jug of Pepsi and Ring dings. If you bring a Penthouse forum magazine to read at the dinner table, that'll score you extra points. Just make sure that someone that could be Saddam Hussein doesn't double park in front of you and make you be late.

by Anonymousreply 34November 4, 2021 2:00 AM

I live in wine country and know people who work in various jobs in the industry from blue collar to tasting rooms to wine judges or wine makers. For some it is a very big deal. The rest of us who like wine or are not experts will generally open and pour wine that's brought by a guest for a large event like Thanksgiving. Sparkling wine that might be for appetizers or dessert, and generally a Pinot Noir or Syrah or something with turkey, with bottles of Chardonnay or something being opened. It's both a big deal and no big deal. And if someone brings a special bottle of something, like a big red in the middle of summer when it's an afternoon party of Rose drinkers, it's understood that's for the host for another time.

Overall, don't expect what your bring to be opened if you're a guest, and feel free to keep what you want as a host. No one I know would ever send the guest's wine home with them (unless they didn't drink). I've also known many people to leave parties with wine from the hosts who have a small winery or work in a way they have tons of it.

by Anonymousreply 35November 4, 2021 2:00 AM

R33, there is no longer a stigma associated with screw tops and in fact, they seal better than a cork. And they are far more environmentally friendly. Granted, you’re probably not going to find a $100+ bottle with a screw top, there are plenty of acceptable bottles in the $20 - $40 range.

by Anonymousreply 36November 4, 2021 2:07 AM

Yeah, screw tops are OK now. As far as corks, when I did used to drink, I preferred the synthetic corks to real cork. Easier to remove, push back in, etc.

by Anonymousreply 37November 4, 2021 2:09 AM

“Thank you for having us over. This is for you to enjoy later.” That’s all you need to say.

by Anonymousreply 38November 4, 2021 2:16 AM

R38, some posters are saying that the host should serve the wine that they (the guest) brought. I disagree with that. I'm not a great party host, but I imagine it involves a lot of work, money, time, etc. So, I don't understand feeling like a host must serve something I brought over.

by Anonymousreply 39November 4, 2021 2:20 AM

I brought a bottle of Moet to some friends who were hosting a birthday party for a mutual friend the other day. It was a gift to them for hosting the party to enjoy at their leisure. If they chose to open it that night, that was their choice.

Really not rocket science.

The End.

by Anonymousreply 40November 4, 2021 2:22 AM

The host decides what to do with it. You might even find it re-gifted to you at your next dinner party.

by Anonymousreply 41November 4, 2021 2:25 AM

It is the host's choice, but like I said, I feel the nicer thing to do is bring it out that night. That's just me. But it's not impolite if you do otherwise either.

by Anonymousreply 42November 4, 2021 2:29 AM

I don’t understand people who expect, and get bent out of shape, if their gift of wine isn’t served. The host presumably enjoys your company enough to go to the effort and expense of having you over for dinner. The point is having a nice evening with friends— the wine is just a small token of your appreciation. And you should be reciprocating at some point in the not too distant future, so you get a bottle of wine in return.

by Anonymousreply 43November 4, 2021 3:02 AM

I actually think it is insulting to bring wine and expect it to be opened immediately. You don't think that the host can choose a decent wine? This isn't a BYOB party, I assume.

by Anonymousreply 44November 4, 2021 4:05 AM

A thanksgiving dinner is run entirely by the host. Other kinds of dinner it depends. Such as huge barbecues or picnics, your wine will likely be drunk and its not even an issue if its all plopped on a table you can eventually open it yourself if you're so damn curious to taste or share it nobody will bat an eyelash.

by Anonymousreply 45November 4, 2021 4:33 AM

If its a celebratory dinner then the host controls the wine through desert, but afterwards all the bottles of champagne that have been offered are usually popped open and consumed.

by Anonymousreply 46November 4, 2021 4:35 AM

[quote] He was a wine snob, and he always brought a bottle that he expected to be opened immediately, so he could hold court over it.

A wine snob should know better. Tsk.

by Anonymousreply 47November 4, 2021 4:37 AM

On that note the best choice for a champagne to offer, if its a rather large dinner - party - is a famous house, mid priced, non vintage. Don't cheap out, but don't splurge.

by Anonymousreply 48November 4, 2021 4:38 AM

Save the good stuff for those who can appreciate it.

by Anonymousreply 49November 4, 2021 4:51 AM

So many tightly bunched panties in this thread.

by Anonymousreply 50November 4, 2021 4:53 AM

What if you bring, say for instance, a marble rye from Schnitzer’s. If the host doesn’t put it out, should you take it back when you leave?

by Anonymousreply 51November 4, 2021 4:58 AM

I usually bring a package of Oreos or a box of Ding Dongs and watch the host/hostess sweat it out after the dinner plates have been cleared.

by Anonymousreply 52November 4, 2021 5:01 AM

While I agree that whether or not to open a bottle of wine is ultimately the host's prerogative, a thoughtful host will generally serve a bottle brought to dinner, even if just as a side option. Presumably, you're all friends, and celebrating what everyone brings should be the greater prerogative. But then, I wouldn't keep someone whose whole night could be ruined by opening the "wrong" bottle of wine in my social circle for long, anyway.

by Anonymousreply 53November 4, 2021 5:12 AM

[quote]As a host, I would do my damnest to bring out the bottle. It's the nice thing to do.

Amatuer.

by Anonymousreply 54November 4, 2021 5:16 AM

[quote] If anyone would refuse to open at least one bottle that would be the last time I would accept an invitation to their home.

You are a complete savage and shitty guest!

Has anyone informed you that as a guest in someone's home you are NOT THE HOST and have no say in what is served to eat or drink? Guests do not plan the menu at someone else's dinner party. You sound really controlling and self-involved. Why not bring your own hand towels so you can stash the ones there under the sink and make it all about your good taste? Butt out!

by Anonymousreply 55November 4, 2021 5:20 AM

I've catered, hosted and served many dinners r46 and this is the first I'm hearing of this practice!

by Anonymousreply 56November 4, 2021 5:22 AM

[quote] What if you bring, say for instance, a marble rye from Schnitzer’s. If the host doesn’t put it out, should you take it back when you leave?

Yes, take it home if the host is so rude as to not present your marble rye in a nice bread basket with some home-churned butter.

by Anonymousreply 57November 4, 2021 5:27 AM

Take your shitty bottle if rot-gut home with you!

by Anonymousreply 58November 4, 2021 5:36 AM

Surely Joan Crawford must have addressed this in her book??

by Anonymousreply 59November 4, 2021 6:02 AM

[quote] Amatuer

Oh, the irony

by Anonymousreply 60November 4, 2021 6:04 AM

You do not expect the host to open the wrapping even, much less actually serve you your own gift.

If you're really polite -- and so few are these days -- you say something to make clear you're not one of those "And I want to taste it now!" boors. Like "Something for you and Bob to enjoy over Christmas!"

by Anonymousreply 61November 4, 2021 6:22 AM

Let's ask a more practical question.

Unless you know your hosts are wine snobs, is it permissable to simply pick up the cheapest stuff with a pretty label at Aldi's?

by Anonymousreply 62November 4, 2021 6:33 AM

This is why I bring the host a tasteful floral arrangement.

by Anonymousreply 63November 4, 2021 6:36 AM

And what if your floral arrangement doesn't match your host's impeccably chosen table linens and window treatments, R63? Straight to the bin or sent back home with you in shame?

by Anonymousreply 64November 4, 2021 6:43 AM

You should never arrive with just wine. You should also bring cake like a chocolate babka. NEVER an inferior cinnamon babka. And make sure there is no hair on the cake!

by Anonymousreply 65November 4, 2021 7:59 AM

I'm a bit freaked out that some DL posters believed r8's bit of trollery. It's like the "Once Around the Garden vs. Autumn Harvest" brilliance, but not quite.

by Anonymousreply 66November 4, 2021 8:12 AM

Freihoffer's or Entemann's?

by Anonymousreply 67November 4, 2021 8:39 AM

R67 Which goes better with my boxed wine?

by Anonymousreply 68November 4, 2021 10:32 AM

It really depends, if the host asked you to bring wine for dinner or if you’re presenting the wine as a gift.

Either way, it’s up to the host, yet there is some expectations if it’s a cooperative effort contributing to the dinner.

by Anonymousreply 69November 4, 2021 11:26 AM

They should really serve it. This is what this means. If they do not, you cannot take it back. If it is wrapped, then it is a gift. A food offering is to be shared, unless you state otherwise. In any case, you cannot take it back.

by Anonymousreply 70November 4, 2021 11:30 AM

think of it this way...

When the Queen of England shows up with a liquor cabinet, she wants to be SERVED this. If she shows up with an elegant dessert, she wants to be served this. Unless she states otherwise, you serve. This is Etiquette Protocol ans is derived from them in the Western World.

by Anonymousreply 71November 4, 2021 11:33 AM

What do I do if it’s a bottle of fireball?

by Anonymousreply 72November 4, 2021 11:55 AM

Amy Sedaris says to bring a roll of paper towels. Every host can use that. Must be white and must be Bounty.

by Anonymousreply 73November 4, 2021 12:48 PM

R63 unless you’re tasteful floral arrangement is already in a container, you are inconveniencing your host who now has to find a vase and trim the arrangement. And don’t assume your arrangement will be the centerpiece or even prominently displayed.

Also be careful about giving living plants.

I once made the mistake of bringing a live plant (an orchid) as a hostess gift and the recipient kind of groaned and said “oh god, one more thing I have to take care of!” I should have taken it back as I never saw it in her home again. Hopefully she have it away but I suspect she killed it.

by Anonymousreply 74November 4, 2021 1:06 PM

Drink the wine on the way to the party, then keep on drinking. You’ll be relaxed, and terrific company.

by Anonymousreply 75November 4, 2021 1:12 PM

What about a case of beer?

by Anonymousreply 76November 4, 2021 1:18 PM

Let's take this in another direction. Stop feeling compelled to bring host gifts to dinner parties! I entertain for pleasure, not business, so the last thing I want is for my guests to feel like they are being tested. Show up and enjoy yourself. Try not to break anything. The greatest gift a guest can bring is a lovely presence that confirms my wisdom in inviting them.

by Anonymousreply 77November 4, 2021 1:20 PM

It must be served. It's like bringing a marble rye from Schnitzer's and then the host doesn't put it out,

by Anonymousreply 78November 4, 2021 1:22 PM

R51, this is why I take hostess gifts DIRECTLY to the kitchen.

R8

by Anonymousreply 79November 4, 2021 2:12 PM

In my country Argentina, the wine is not really considered a gift to the hosts. Anything you bring is with the assumption that it will be consumed and shared with everyone. If for some reason it isn't though you have no claims over it and it would be rude to ask for it back.

by Anonymousreply 80November 4, 2021 2:27 PM

I always have a vase of water and a knife at the ready in the kitchen for clods who think it is perfectly fine to have the host stop to attend to bouquets if flowers. Arrangements are placed on the sideboard. Chocolates that are under a pound are taken to the kitchen More than a pound is parked on the sideboard and I put out with mignardise.

R8

by Anonymousreply 81November 4, 2021 3:06 PM

Just get drunk before you arrive at the event.

by Anonymousreply 82November 4, 2021 3:25 PM

Just bring yourselves, no gift needed

by Anonymousreply 83November 4, 2021 3:49 PM

If the host asks me to remove my shoes I keep the gift I brought.

by Anonymousreply 84November 4, 2021 3:51 PM

Oh My Gosh!

The first time I started loving the DL was DECADES ago and some queen started a thread about “where’s my wine, asshole” complaining about hosts at a party who kept the bottle of vino he brought.

Immediately there came out a hilarious parody thread, “there’s wine IN my asshole” where a snippy queen describes not getting the wine enema of his needs at a party. Okay, i guess you had to be there

by Anonymousreply 85November 4, 2021 3:53 PM

Miss Greg, R81, forgot to sign her post.

by Anonymousreply 86November 4, 2021 5:07 PM

[quote] Miss Greg, [R81], forgot to sign her post.

I haven't contributed to this thread yet, asshole. Go fuck yourself.

by Anonymousreply 87November 4, 2021 5:19 PM

On both sides of the host / guest divide there seems to be a common undercurrent on this thread, exalted by egomaniacal guests and actively squelched by controlling hosts, that a hostess gift is supposed to be offered pride of place and venerated like The Shroud of Fucking Turin. Guests - it’s not your wine to demand. Hosts - just quickly stick the flowers in a vase and chill.

If only one could gift a sense of proportion.

by Anonymousreply 88November 4, 2021 6:46 PM

And r86, I did sign my post so that people could read my original post. If you put something in the posted by line, it does not show a link.

R8, And please use the correct fork.

by Anonymousreply 89November 4, 2021 9:59 PM

I bring my own flatware, glasses, and serving utensils. I don't think the host has a top notch dishwasher if you know what I mean...

by Anonymousreply 90November 4, 2021 10:42 PM

I don't know anything about wine and scared to death that I will bring something less than stellar. Is it rude to bring a bottle that I've already opened and sampled to be sure it's good, or should I just spit the wine back into the bottle and reseal it best I can hoping no one will notice. I need your input, guys!

by Anonymousreply 91November 4, 2021 10:50 PM

"I'm here. I hope the meal is gluten-free! And keto. And I hope the dessert isn't that sweet. Processed sugar gives me the shakes. I hope you remembered that! A drink? I'll have a martini, but only if the olives are organic. I'll bet they're not organic though, right? When will dinner be served? I have to be in bed by 10 or else I'm soooo cranky the next day!"

by Anonymousreply 92November 4, 2021 10:56 PM

[quote]I bring my own flatware, glasses, and serving utensils.

Back in the early days of the pandemic, and we were buying food in restaurants and eating it outdoors, we tried to find places with tables and chairs, and I brought at least my own flatware. It was necessary at one restaurant to actually bring plates, as their boxes were so tall, it was hard to get the food out without dropping it.

by Anonymousreply 93November 4, 2021 10:58 PM

I kind of agree with R77. When I used to have people over for dinner, something I don't do anymore, guests would always ask what they could bring, as if it were a community supper. I would try to dissuade them, since I would usually be making something special that I was particular about. "But we have to bring *something*!" No, you don't. I invited you to enjoy yourself, not cater. (And I don't want to have to serve your dopey hummus and pita that doesn't fit in with my menu!)

by Anonymousreply 94November 4, 2021 11:17 PM

When I host orgies, it is MY prerogative which sex toys will be used regardless of who brings what.

by Anonymousreply 95November 4, 2021 11:20 PM

R94, I couldn't agree with you more.

by Anonymousreply 96November 4, 2021 11:26 PM

If the food - wine pairings are so gastronomique that you can't serve an unexpected wine, because you feel your uncouth guests kind of want it to be served, and they were crass enough to bring a bottle of wine in the first place, then you have stubbornly overshot the taste level of your friends, and you're a pretentious, therefore damaged hostess.

by Anonymousreply 97November 4, 2021 11:31 PM

I once had a friend bring a huge dish of noodle kugel to one of our July Fourth roof deck dinner parties. It was a nice gesture, but the last thing I wanted to deal with or serve at a very carefully planned holiday dinner was kugel. I don't like interactive dinner parties. If you want to bring a gift to your host, just bring a bottle of wine or something else that your host might enjoy and don't expect the wine to be served—it's a gift! When I'm planning a dinner, I have everything I need (want) for the party, including wine pairings. When someone brings me a bottle of wine, I put it in my bar and don't think about it again that night.

by Anonymousreply 98November 4, 2021 11:31 PM

[quote] If the food - wine pairings are so gastronomique that you can't serve an unexpected wine, because you feel your uncouth guests kind of want it to be served, and they were crass enough to bring a bottle of wine in the first place, then you have stubbornly overshot the taste level of your friends, and you're a pretentious, therefore damaged hostess.

It's not that. It's simply that I have chosen the wines that I wish to serve with the food I'm preparing. In fact, most of my friends will spend far more money on a gift of wine than whatever I will be serving. It would be typical for someone to come with a $30 bottle of wine, or some other very nice bottle from their wine cellar. And, I'll happily serve it if we run out of what I purchased to serve. But the wine is a gift. There likely isn't even enough of the gifted wine to give some to everyone. So I think nothing of not serving it and then when I do drink it, I send a note to the person who brought it telling them how much we enjoyed it. It's not complicated.

If I wanted to host pot luck dinners, I would be a lesbian.

by Anonymousreply 99November 4, 2021 11:35 PM

r94, when I get a friend who does not know how to be a guest, I tell them to bring a bag of ice.

So far my record is two bags of ice sitting in the kitchen sink at once.

r8

by Anonymousreply 100November 4, 2021 11:37 PM

If I invite people to dine at my house, I don’t expect payment. I’ll provide the food and drink - just bring yourselves.

by Anonymousreply 101November 4, 2021 11:39 PM

You could always bring me a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label.

That would be nice.

by Anonymousreply 102November 4, 2021 11:40 PM

R101 you're not even paying attention to the set up. Its about plebeians bringing the wine anyway.

by Anonymousreply 103November 4, 2021 11:40 PM

Yes, R103, I know.

by Anonymousreply 104November 4, 2021 11:44 PM

Nothing says Fourth of July like a huge dish of noodle kugel. I told my friend, "This is Back Bay, not an Eastern European shtetl."

by Anonymousreply 105November 4, 2021 11:58 PM

No, r71, this is 100% boorish and wrong!

You middle class know-it-alls demanding your food and wine offerings be served at a dinner you did not plan are remarkably rustic!

It's clear you've never been anywhere beyond the cul-de-sac.

by Anonymousreply 106November 5, 2021 12:00 AM

OP, please provide the contact information for your hosts so we can urge them to withdraw the invitation.

Your question proves you are an uncivilized lump of feral trash that needs to spend holidays alone in a cardboard box with etiquette guides until you achieve the knowledge your cur parents should have provided you by the time you were seven.

by Anonymousreply 107November 5, 2021 12:02 AM

R106 forgot to sign off with a dismissive sniff.

by Anonymousreply 108November 5, 2021 12:04 AM

[quote] I once had a friend bring a huge dish of noodle kugel to one of our July Fourth roof deck dinner parties. It was a nice gesture, but the last thing I wanted to deal with or serve at a very carefully planned holiday dinner was kugel.

Anti-Semite.

by Anonymousreply 109November 5, 2021 12:04 AM

I love wine and consider myself a connoisseur of sorts but I would never have friends that are so anal they are only willing to serve THAT type of wine with their food. Beyond it being red or white, anything else really isn't THAT important. Besides, if you run out of winem are you NOT going to serve any more because its not your wine of choice

by Anonymousreply 110November 5, 2021 12:12 AM

r110 CAN'T let go of his need to have his crappy wine gift showcased to all at someone else's party.

by Anonymousreply 111November 5, 2021 12:14 AM

R101, to me it's not about payment, or about wanting a gift. It is nice when everyone gets to collaborate to some extent to the meal experience.

by Anonymousreply 112November 5, 2021 12:15 AM

R112 if you have guests to stay for the weekend do you expect them to bring sheets, pillows and towels to collaborate to the sleeping overnight experience?

by Anonymousreply 113November 5, 2021 12:53 AM

R112, no but good thing dinner parties and overnight stays are different experiences.

by Anonymousreply 114November 5, 2021 12:59 AM

R114 I’m not American so collaborating to the experience is foreign to me. Not sure how this makes me an “absolute idiot”, but appreciate your feedback. And what that feedback says about you, R114.

by Anonymousreply 115November 5, 2021 1:24 AM

Absolut Idiot was my favorite 90s vodka

by Anonymousreply 116November 5, 2021 1:25 AM

You made me guffaw, R116! Thank you.

by Anonymousreply 117November 5, 2021 1:33 AM

I hosted Thanksgiving dinner one year. It was the guy I was dating, two single, gay neighbors, and a friend of the guy I was dating. It was a simple menu, but I had chosen an aperitif (Campari and soda), two bottles of wine for dinner, and a dessert wine. The dopey friend brought a bottle of merlot, which did not go with the meal. He handed it to me and said, "Here a bottle of nice merlot."

As we settled down at the table, I asked who wanted wine. Dopey said he wanted "a glass of the nice merlot." One of the neighbors said red doesn't go with turkey, but dopey insisted. Sorry, I said, I would not be serving that wine.

When it was time to leave, I handed the Barefoot Merlot ($3.99 at Trader Joe's at the time) back to him. We were all gay guys in our 30's. But dopey also went to gay AA meetings at the Crescent Heights Methodist Church in West Hollywood to meet guys. SMH.

by Anonymousreply 118November 5, 2021 1:52 AM

R118 you invited him. Meet him at this Dopey level half way. What you performed was being a snotty cunt back to a crass asshole, on Thanksgiving. Bravo.

by Anonymousreply 119November 5, 2021 1:56 AM

So Dopey took the nice Merlot to the gay AA to meet Bashful and make him Happy?

by Anonymousreply 120November 5, 2021 2:00 AM

Most of my friends are lousy cooks, so I take along a bottle of Pepto-Bismol. I KNOW it's going to be appreciated by the other guests.

by Anonymousreply 121November 5, 2021 2:07 AM

Isn’t it usually the drunk aunt who brings the wine at Thanksgiving?

by Anonymousreply 122November 5, 2021 2:13 AM

R118 is a perfect example of a host who overestimates their own ability to plan a menu but nevertheless holds their tastes above their guests'. Barefoot merlot is admittedly awful, but red wine absolutely can be served with turkey. Pinot noir is considered a classic pairing.

by Anonymousreply 123November 5, 2021 2:29 AM

r118 another dick move. Merlot is fine with turkey but more than that you were not a gracious host and embarrassed your guest.

by Anonymousreply 124November 5, 2021 3:57 AM

[quote] Has anyone informed you that as a guest in someone's home you are NOT THE HOST and have no say in what is served to eat or drink? Guests do not plan the menu at someone else's dinner party. You sound really controlling and self-involved.

Pot, thy name is kettle.

by Anonymousreply 125November 5, 2021 4:03 AM

[quote] One of the neighbors said red doesn't go with turkey, but dopey insisted. Sorry, I said, I would not be serving that wine.

So, you're telling us both you and your neighbor hissed.

What a warm tale of holiday cheer! Sniping at other people's gifts are what the season is all about.

by Anonymousreply 126November 5, 2021 4:06 AM

[quote]What you performed was being a snotty cunt back to a crass asshole, on Thanksgiving. Bravo.

I agree, r119. For some, it takes years to master these qualities.

But to master is a must if you entertain the occasional clod.

by Anonymousreply 127November 5, 2021 4:36 AM

When I did used to drink, I preferred red to white, under all circumstances. Exception: sparkling wine.

Anyway, I'm rethinking this. If someone brings wine and wants a glass of it, open the wine and serve your friend a glass. You can still serve your own wine (host). Let people choose what they want. If there are any leftovers of Friend's wine, dump it. Or ask Friend: "Would you like to take this home with you? I saved the cork."

My family can be horrible. They like what they like, e.g., canned cranberry sauce.

by Anonymousreply 128November 5, 2021 4:47 AM

[quote]Pot, thy name is kettle.

I see you know nothing about entertaining, nor even how to be a gracious guest.

Arnold Ziffel's parents know more than you on this topic, I'm sure.

From Etiquette School of America:

"There’s definitely an etiquette to picking the perfect hostess gift, and the gifts people most commonly give, sadly, are on the worst list instead of the best list.

Flowers, food and wine, with a few exceptions (that I’ll explain), are all on the worst list."

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 129November 5, 2021 7:15 AM

"Giving wine: Wine can be given as long as you follow one rule. As you hand the hosts the bottle, say something like this: “This wine is a favorite of mine, and I thought you and Stephanie might enjoy it some quiet evening in the coming weeks.” What you want to express is that by no means do you expect them to serve the wine you brought during the party. The reason? The hosts have put thought into every item on the menu; if they think that you’re expecting them to serve your wine, it disrupts their menu."

by Anonymousreply 130November 5, 2021 7:23 AM

People who still believe those pre-historic rules about only serving red wine with certain foods and white wine with certain foods are ancient and out of touch with the modern world. If someone wants red wine with turkey, there is nothing wrong with it. Or if someone wants white wine with a steak, who cares unless you are an old dinosaur who follows "rules" that died out decades ago. Life is too short to be so snotty and pretentious. Learn to relax a bit and enjoy life more.

by Anonymousreply 131November 5, 2021 8:05 AM

The host can do whatever he/she wants with the wine gift. Think of it as you would any other gift.

by Anonymousreply 132November 5, 2021 9:02 AM

If you are attending a dinner party or other celebration, and you've been asked not to bring anything, the rule is clear: do not show up with anything to share. Instead, discreetly present the hostess with a small token of appreciation as you are greeted, and suggest they save it for another evening.

by Anonymousreply 133November 5, 2021 9:10 AM

When you bring a food or drink gift to the host of a dinner party, don’t expect it to be served while you are there. Remember that this is a gift, not an accompaniment to the meal. If the hostess wants you to bring a dish to share, she will ask you during the invitation. Give it to her at the door so she can put it away before greeting other guests.

The host may choose to share your food or beverage gift during the party. If that happens, be gracious and wait until everyone else has a chance to try it before you partake. Allow the hostess to tell everyone where the gift came from rather than announce it to the group. If it is a costly item, never brag about how much you spent.

by Anonymousreply 134November 5, 2021 9:11 AM

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

by Anonymousreply 135November 5, 2021 9:57 AM

I re-gift cheap wine.

by Anonymousreply 136November 5, 2021 12:16 PM

R8 is a tacky bitch.

Who gives back a host gift?

by Anonymousreply 137November 5, 2021 12:18 PM

cheap wine and you get a face-slap

by Anonymousreply 138November 5, 2021 12:26 PM

WIne and Beer are food offerings and to be shared with guests. It is really what the guest prefers to drink. This is generally the case.

The time the food and librations are really gifts, if they are wrapped. For instance, if you give a gift of nice (expensive) champagne for the couple for their first anniversary. This should wrapped.

If you do not want something to be OPEN and shared, or it's your preferred beverage, the best thing is to have it wrapped in a bag and give the GIFT, when you leave. Problem Solved.

by Anonymousreply 139November 5, 2021 12:59 PM

Most of these scenarios are when the guest comes with a food offering and wants it opened, mainly for them. So it is pretty clear. I would just have a wine and bottle opener for guests to use, just in case this comes up. Let them deal with it.

by Anonymousreply 140November 5, 2021 1:04 PM

Bottles? I prefer a box.

by Anonymousreply 141November 5, 2021 1:06 PM

And the great thing is, you don't have to worry about dropping it on your way there and arriving empty-handed.

by Anonymousreply 142November 5, 2021 1:09 PM

I was serving fish, and someone brought a cheap merlot. The horror.

by Anonymousreply 143November 5, 2021 1:14 PM

I thought I smelled fish.

by Anonymousreply 144November 5, 2021 1:20 PM

Isn't this controlling behavior, control what the person drinks?

I think you should just go with getting along with people. For most people, enterntaining is mostly casual.

by Anonymousreply 145November 5, 2021 1:45 PM

One of my best friends was an amazing hostess. I was helping her out once and arrived early to assist, only to find her upset - her fiancé had text asking if a 'depressed' female colleague could join them for the evening. My friend had suspicions that said colleague was after her man, but I reassured her that neither he, nor that woman, would be so brazen, so she reluctantly agreed.

Fuck, was I wrong! They showed up - late - and the colleague was dressed like a tart. They'd both had a drink already and that woman arrived not only with a cheap bottle of already-opened Lambrini (!) but a fishy bouillabaisse that she claimed "everyone raves about!".

I have a severe fish allergy, so the menu was thoughtfully fish and shellfish-free until they turned up. The hostess's niceties lasted barely a quarter of an hour, then she lost her shit - like I've never seen before or since. After some pretty blatant drunken flirting and innuendos between the colleagues, that Lambrini was promptly poured over the tart's head, the fish stew was thrown down the sink and the fiancé was dumped.

My friend hasn't hosted since. The ex-fiancé and tarty colleague declared undying love a week later, married in Vegas then divorced after a few months.

The moral of the story is: don't bring your bit-on-the-side OR cheap wine. It'll only end in tears!

by Anonymousreply 146November 5, 2021 1:57 PM

r146, it is incorrect to bring a +1 when your fiancé is the hostess.

by Anonymousreply 147November 5, 2021 2:02 PM

Was she planning on mixing the fish stew with the meatloaf or something, r146?

How else would the fish stew affect you?

by Anonymousreply 148November 5, 2021 2:04 PM

I thought it is rude TO open a bottle of wine that is given as a gift. It would leave the impression that you don’t care enough about the gift to enjoy it.

If someone said they were bringing over some wine “for the party” I would open it, but I’ve never been in that situation. When I give a host a bottle of wine, I expect they will not open right away. I think I would be slightly put off if they did.

by Anonymousreply 149November 5, 2021 2:09 PM

Don't assume your host is a wine drinker.

by Anonymousreply 150November 5, 2021 2:12 PM

[quote] It is nice when everyone gets to collaborate to some extent to the meal experience.

This is the attitude I despise the most. When I host a dinner party, in no way am I looking for a collaborative effort. I can imagine a party where I did want that (we used to occasionally host themed parties when we were younger like "Comfort Food Party" and everyone was asked to bring their favorite comfort food; or "White Trash Food" party....you get the idea), but for a dinner party, I am not looking for collaboration. That's just me.

I've also taken part in "progressive dinner parties" where we go to one house for cocktails and hors d'oeuvres, move on to another house for the first course, another house for the entree, and another house for dessert. That can work if you have friends who are close and live in the same neighborhood. But at this state in my life, I like hosting dinner parties and I do not want them to be a group effort.

by Anonymousreply 151November 5, 2021 2:14 PM

[quote] Don't assume your host is a wine drinker.

I disagree.

by Anonymousreply 152November 5, 2021 2:27 PM

I always bring a wide assortment of wines when invited to a gathering, for example next month's Christmas party at the gay AA. I make the cute ones "earn" a bottle...

by Anonymousreply 153November 5, 2021 2:30 PM

A faux Tiffany wrapped jumbo bottle of lube is always a good gift.

by Anonymousreply 154November 5, 2021 2:30 PM

I bring 2-for-1 coupons.

by Anonymousreply 155November 5, 2021 2:31 PM

[quote] As we settled down at the table, I asked who wanted wine. Dopey said he wanted "a glass of the nice merlot." One of the neighbors said red doesn't go with turkey, but dopey insisted. Sorry, I said, I would not be serving that wine.

I hope the guy you were dating, Dopey's friend, had the good sense to kick your ass to the curb after dinner. I would never date someone who was such a miserable cunt to my friends -- and worse yet in public on a holiday. What a piece of work.

by Anonymousreply 156November 5, 2021 2:32 PM

[quote] Anti-Semite.

1.) I am not an anti-Semite. If I were, why would I have invited my Jewish friends to a party?

2.) Red wine may certainly be served with turkey. I always offer both on Thanksgiving. Usually pinot noir or a red Zinfandel.

3.) You people really know how to complicate something that is quite simple. When you have been invited to someone's house for a meal, bring a small host(ess) gift. It's a GIFT. You have no right to expect to ever see it, smell it, taste it, or comment on it from the moment you hand it to your host.

If wine is so important to you, ask your host ahead of time if you can provide the wine for the meal or for one of the courses in the meal. In that case, you better bring enough for everyone to have at least one glass. But, don't do this unless you really want to bring something nice. And if you do this, please don't bore everyone by talking about it. Most people don't care and it is tacky to have the conversation focus on the food or the wine. Just bring it and don't speak of it again. I'm sure a good host(ess) will give you credit. Don't encourage conversation about it.

by Anonymousreply 157November 5, 2021 2:35 PM

[quote] 1.) I am not an anti-Semite. If I were, why would I have invited my Jewish friends to a party?

To curry favor with your accountant? Seriously now, did you not read the original signature tag...

by Anonymousreply 158November 5, 2021 2:38 PM

If people want to bring a host gift, I would gladly receive a dozen 24" monogramed napkins. Cotton/linen, machine embroidery accepted.

by Anonymousreply 159November 5, 2021 3:24 PM

I only bring kosher wine.

by Anonymousreply 160November 5, 2021 3:25 PM

If I bring a twink I have been seeing to Thanksgiving, do I need to share it with the host?

by Anonymousreply 161November 5, 2021 3:29 PM

Hostess Gifts are what you SEND afterwards. Like if you stayed the weekend or something. Do not expect a hostess gift if you threw a dinner party or game night.

Because people are accustomed to potlucks, BBQ, Game Nights and Casual Enterntaining, FOOD OFFERINGS are very common, which are Wine, Beer, Dessert. Also, they can be party supplies related to your theme. Like wine glasses or opener for a wine tasting party. Or New Year's party favor for a New Year Party.

If someone gifts you with a hostess gift after a game night or dinner party (which they should not be compelled to do), this should be done AFTER the party, when they are leaving.

by Anonymousreply 162November 5, 2021 3:38 PM

I gift sunshine and rainbows.

by Anonymousreply 163November 5, 2021 3:39 PM

If you want to send a sex related toy as a hostess gift, you can do so AFTERWARDS. In leu of sending a prostitute or sex slave, you can send a gift card for your preferred stripper or sex related theme party company.

I mean really.

by Anonymousreply 164November 5, 2021 3:42 PM

I want to know out of which orifice that gift comes, R163

by Anonymousreply 165November 5, 2021 3:47 PM

R165, if you're thinking my ass...

by Anonymousreply 166November 5, 2021 3:48 PM

[quote] If someone gifts you with a hostess gift after a game night or dinner party (which they should not be compelled to do), this should be done AFTER the party, when they are leaving

That seems like you were holding out to make sure the dinner was good enough to deserve your gift

by Anonymousreply 167November 5, 2021 3:51 PM

R167 - But the Carvel whale cake will have melted by then!

by Anonymousreply 168November 5, 2021 3:53 PM

I give tips during the meal. Like I'm at a strip club.

by Anonymousreply 169November 5, 2021 3:53 PM

R151, Despise? Man, it's not that serious. People ar not going to like you anymore because you picked just the right kind of hummus.

Anyway it's personal preference. Really, where I am from it is customary to ask, at least the closest friends to bring some ice, some wine, some dessert, some dinner rolls or bread, or petit fours for coffee. It's more about the experience and less about showing of. And everyone I have had over for dinner has had a lovely warm time with friends over something we all had a hand in.

And if you DON'T want any collaboration, then don't ask for it. Easy peasy.

by Anonymousreply 170November 5, 2021 3:56 PM

If you stayed at someone home for the week-end or week, you send a hostess gift. Usually, high end linens like Cozy Earth. The idea is you saved money staying with them, instead of a hotel, and you put them out a bit. IF the person does not have much money, Wine, dessert, liquor and flower can be sent. Because people do not register for Hostess GIfts, you might not know the person(s) tastes.

If you spend the week with your sister and you do not like their husband, it is better to send a host gift to the husband, not your sister.

by Anonymousreply 171November 5, 2021 3:57 PM

[R169] make it rain.

by Anonymousreply 172November 5, 2021 3:57 PM

it is done this way, not to embrass the other guests. This is also advantageuos to you, so you get a special moment with the hostess. Or you can send them something afterwards.

by Anonymousreply 173November 5, 2021 4:00 PM

let's just say you are having a wine tasting party and it just argentinian reds. You are supplying the reds, obviously.

Someone bring Chardonny. They probably just like white wines. Who cares if they drink it and you have an open bottle?

by Anonymousreply 174November 5, 2021 4:09 PM

I had a dinner party and a friend showed up with a couple of bottles of wine. I thought that was a very kind gesture, but the wine he brought didn't really go with what I was serving.

At the end of the night, he went into the kitchen, picked up the bottles, and left with them.

Of course, I didn't say anything but I was shocked at such crude manners from someone who thinks he is quite sophisticated.

by Anonymousreply 175November 5, 2021 4:21 PM

[quote]After some pretty blatant drunken flirting and innuendos between the colleagues, that Lambrini was promptly poured over the tart's head, the fish stew was thrown down the sink and the fiancé was dumped.

Someone watches too much Real Housewives . . .

by Anonymousreply 176November 5, 2021 4:26 PM

r175, be happy he didn't bring cupcakes...

by Anonymousreply 177November 5, 2021 4:28 PM

For reference, a DataLounge Etiquette Classsique:

Sows at the Trough

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 178November 5, 2021 4:33 PM

I always bring a casserole dish that I make myself from just a few simple ingredients: Spaghettios from a can, sliced up hot dogs, melted Velveeta cheese, and topped with crumbled up Bugles. If it's an extra fancy party I toss some sprigs of parsley on the top to give it even more class. You'd be amazed at people's reactions when they see the parsley.

by Anonymousreply 179November 5, 2021 7:06 PM

I usually bring a gallon of homemade mead.

by Anonymousreply 180November 5, 2021 7:08 PM

Puree of Vienna Sausages that I claim is pate from Fresh Market.

by Anonymousreply 181November 5, 2021 7:16 PM

I had a couple of friends who never had dinners at their apartment / house. One of them organized two get-togethers ... at my house. I was younger then and just allowed it. She commandeered the thing, brought decorations. I can't even remember now what we ate.

Another friend (who never hosts) shows up late every time but with somewhat random things to eat and drink. Random in that there's no rhyme or reason compared to what the host served.

Point is: I think some people bring stuff over and it is in imposition. They don't have the balls to host, but want to take over at somebody else's house.

by Anonymousreply 182November 5, 2021 7:45 PM

some people deserve a vicious face slapping

by Anonymousreply 183November 5, 2021 8:09 PM

I once brought an enormous jar of pickled pigs feet as a host gift.

Fortunately, the host did NOT open it.

by Anonymousreply 184November 5, 2021 9:19 PM

I once had a contractor working in my house and I fired him for incompetence. To get revenge he left a pickled egg in a jar o brine with no lid on it in the unplugged refrigerator while I was gone for 2 weeks. I have never forgotten the horror.

by Anonymousreply 185November 5, 2021 9:34 PM

On the subject of turkey pairings, I did pinot/zin for many years until I saw a recommendation for dry riesling. I'll be damned if it wasn't utterly delightful with the turkey and all the sides.

by Anonymousreply 186November 5, 2021 9:41 PM

YES R186. Agree 100%.

by Anonymousreply 187November 5, 2021 9:43 PM

Riesling if dry is a wonderful wine with dinner

by Anonymousreply 188November 6, 2021 1:02 AM

What’s a good dry Riesling?

by Anonymousreply 189November 6, 2021 1:05 AM

[quote]WIne and Beer are food offerings and to be shared with guests. It is really what the guest prefers to drink. This is generally the case.

I still can't believe the percentage of respondents who have no freaking clue that to be a polite guest. You NEVER impose your own food and wine choices on your dinner hosts! Your hosts have selected the menu and offerings even if they do not include a six-pack of Schlitz!

I'm assuming this is a middle-class ceiling where such behavior (demands really) are the norm, but they're still never appropriate. Never.

A small box of fancy nuts or chocolates wrapped and in a cute bag to be enjoyed another day are the idea.

by Anonymousreply 190November 6, 2021 1:26 AM

Not everyone grew up the way you did R190. Some people came from cultures where it's customary for everyone to bring something to be shared as part of the meal or celebration. There is nothing wrong with that. With your own events, feel free to invite only people who think and live the way you do. I won't be invited and that's fine. I would have more fun somewhere else.

by Anonymousreply 191November 6, 2021 1:30 AM

R191, that's a pot luck dinner, which is different than a hosted dinner.

by Anonymousreply 192November 6, 2021 1:32 AM

The way I grew up, it was kind of a hybrid R192. It wasn't true pot lucks where every item was brought by someone (although those were sometimes done also)....it was more like a hosted dinner where people sometimes brought additional items to share, especially beverages and desserts. And host/hostess gifts were not the norm. It just wasn't part of the culture. But to each his own. Whatever works! Celebrate life together.

by Anonymousreply 193November 6, 2021 1:37 AM

Personally I think the act of providing a hostess gift has become an entire, ridiculous industry. If you want to host a dinner party you should do it because you want to celebrate friendships. Expecting a gift is absurd, and the fact that some people obsess over what to bring is even more absurd. "It's a gesture", they say. "It's a token of appreciation", they say. "It's just good manners", they say. Well THEY can kindly fuck off. I kid, of course. But THEY can still go fuck themselves. How about showing up, being a good guest, and thanking the host at the end of the evening? How about maybe hosting the next one yourself? Why does everyone need a stupid fucking gift? We are such a consumer-based, "I want" society that we argue and post entire articles over good and bad hostess gifts. I've hosted many dinner parties. And I always explicitly tell people not to bring anything. But when I have gotten such gifts, all I usually end up with is a bunch of wine I wouldn't buy myself, or some weird ass candied things that look questionable, or stupid trinkets that go right into the donation box. But hey, as long as I don't think poorly of the slobs who thought to bring me such crap. Hostess gifts can go fuck themselves. Hostess gifts can go fuck themselves right up their cheap trinkety ass.

by Anonymousreply 194November 6, 2021 1:52 AM

I steal small items at dinner parties.

by Anonymousreply 195November 6, 2021 1:54 AM

Marry me, r194.

by Anonymousreply 196November 6, 2021 1:54 AM

I wasn't the one telling everyone what was what until they asked!

Most of my experience comes from being a waiter in people's homes and the dismay of hosts who've spent considerable time, money and effort planning a lovely dinner and then have clodhoppers show up with deli flowers, boxes of pastries they demand be offered for dessert, or a whole Matcha Cake they expected to be sliced and served at the table when every dessert plate already had tarte tatin and cinnamon ice cream on them ready to be placed in front of the guests!

The classy guests sent orchids the next day, or just a thank-you card, or brought small tasteful modest wrapped gifts FOR LATER! It isn't difficult people. If you're not expecting to drink out of Solo cups then do not bring food and wine you've decided should be on the menu! Certainly if it's a potluck, or grilling burgers and dogs, make your favorite potato salad and knock yourself out!

by Anonymousreply 197November 6, 2021 1:59 AM

[quote] for everyone to bring something to be shared as part of the meal or celebration.

like stone soup?

how charming

by Anonymousreply 198November 6, 2021 2:04 AM

I have a nice life but frankly R197 I don't attend snotty affairs like that and have never known anyone who hosts that way. Dinner parties in my world are more of a shared experience, not a production controlled by the hostess with an iron grip. That sounds like a stuffy boring affair where everyone sits around the formal dining room table stiffly engaged in conversation about their latest yachting adventure. Snoozefest. I'll take my more casual events any day over that. But a Mrs Howell party is what makes people happy, have at it! Life is short and is to be enjoyed as often as possible.

by Anonymousreply 199November 6, 2021 2:05 AM

r194, you'd be a failure in europe, it's a requirement in some parts.

also, it's sometimes easy in some parts of the world to find small gifts. the US isn't one of those places

by Anonymousreply 200November 6, 2021 2:05 AM

R198 was that supposed to be humorous? It wasn't. Cheers!

by Anonymousreply 201November 6, 2021 2:06 AM

If I invite you to dinner and you bring a bottle of wine but don’t say something like “I thought you might enjoy this some other time” I will thank you and take it and put it on the counter where I’ve set up the bar. It may or may not be opened, and I may or may not get some, but I am not serving it with dinner. And please don’t bring warm white wine or champagne that you expect to be chilled. I don’t have room in my fridge and/or don’t want you rooting around in there to make room, especially around the holidays.

by Anonymousreply 202November 6, 2021 2:15 AM

I'm with R199. Dinner parties aren't about showing off. Or at least, not the ones I most enjoy. It's about having a good time and sharing, at least to some extent. That being said, one is perfectly welcome to let your guests know they should not bring anything if you don't want them to.

by Anonymousreply 203November 6, 2021 2:17 AM

I truly feel sorry for the suffering experienced by all you bitches with such tightly bunched panties.

by Anonymousreply 204November 6, 2021 2:51 AM

Over 200 replies to a thread about hostess gifts. Never change DL!

by Anonymousreply 205November 6, 2021 2:54 AM

[quotes]I'm with [R199]. Dinner parties aren't about showing off.

You are acting as though the only two choices for hosted dinner parties are ghastly ones given by Bunny Bixler or Gloria Upson, or a fucking hoe down in the double wide where moonshine is the aperitif. Most fall somewhere in the middle, and most are casual and relaxed. But still don't bring a fucking FUCKING HOSTESS FUCKING GIFT. Thank you very much, I appreciate it.

by Anonymousreply 206November 6, 2021 2:56 AM

R205 it’s no surprise this thread is neck and neck with the Why Don’t I Have Any Friends thread.

by Anonymousreply 207November 6, 2021 3:16 AM

[Quote]It's a gesture", they say. "It's a token of appreciation", they say. "It's just good manners", they say. Well THEY can kindly fuck off.

This is partly why Americans are so loathed around the world. Not an ounce of thoughtfulness for others. Never mind the absence of social grace.

by Anonymousreply 208November 6, 2021 3:20 AM

Did we ever settle that "Cash bars at weddings" bloodbath from like 20 years ago? Who won?

by Anonymousreply 209November 6, 2021 3:24 AM

The Lesbians won.

by Anonymousreply 210November 6, 2021 3:25 AM

[quote]This is partly why Americans are so loathed around the world. Not an ounce of thoughtfulness for others. Never mind the absence of social grace.

Jesus fuck you sound like a horrible judgmental bore. I'll bet you don't wear white after Labor Day.

by Anonymousreply 211November 6, 2021 3:30 AM

When you bitches say a "Hostess gift" you mean a present for the host of the gathering, right? Not like one of those fucking chocolate cupcakes with the cream in the middle?

by Anonymousreply 212November 6, 2021 3:30 AM

That's exactly what we mean, R212. This entire thread has been which sugary processed dessert treat made by Hostess is the best one to bring to a dinner party.

by Anonymousreply 213November 6, 2021 3:32 AM

Polite guests bring a bottle of wine as well as their own wine stopper so they can take home any remainder without asking the host to borrow one.

by Anonymousreply 214November 6, 2021 3:37 AM

[quote]Dinner parties in my world are more of a shared experience, not a production controlled by the hostess with an iron grip.

You are LITERALLY advertising your cluelessness about how to be a guest! I cannot imagine describing hosting a nice dinner party as having "an iron grip" or controlling! Are you out of your mind or have you just never been anywhere nice! Actually, when you are invited somewhere your host does create the "production", that's what grace and elegance and proper etiquette is all about, that is the joy of hosting, you nitwit!

If you are invited somewhere your task is to BE A GUEST, not to become co-artistic director at someone else's home for someone else's friends! This is your host's time to shine, NOT YOURS! Not every dinner party is a bowling league potluck for Christ's sake. Being a guest is also an art.

The original question was "What's the proper thing to do", not "What do the rustic townsfolk in your far-flung burg generally do?"

by Anonymousreply 215November 6, 2021 3:39 AM

R211. For you. We know you need it for reference.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 216November 6, 2021 3:40 AM

[quote] That sounds like a stuffy boring affair where everyone sits around the formal dining room table stiffly engaged in conversation about their latest yachting adventure. Snoozefest.

I can assure you a well thrown dinner party is anything but what you describe!

I see you have nothing but contempt for nice things you've never had the chance to experience so you've created an imaginary culture war against people you've never met and nice manners you'll never possess. You are what the term "hoi polloi" is used to describe, and your almost Trumpian "Everyman" act is as tedious as the classy events you imagine!

by Anonymousreply 217November 6, 2021 3:44 AM

Also keep in mind that the table has already been set with the appropriate wine glasses for the wine(s) that have been selected to serve with dinner. If I am serving a Pinot Noir and you show up with a Burgundy you expect me to serve, that’s a real pain.

by Anonymousreply 218November 6, 2021 3:54 AM

R46

[quote] If its a celebratory dinner then the host controls the wine through desert

Oh Dear.

by Anonymousreply 219November 6, 2021 4:03 AM

We all are aware of Joan's solution...

I still write thank you notes, not emails or texts, a handwritten thank you and sent by snail mail. Simple and the hosts are always somewhat dazzled to receive it.

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by Anonymousreply 220November 6, 2021 4:54 AM

She lost me with the dirty hippies comment.

She won me over again with the splash of vodka in everything.

by Anonymousreply 221November 6, 2021 4:59 AM

In The Boys in the band, I didn't see anyone giving Michael wine or flowers for being a host.

by Anonymousreply 222November 6, 2021 5:01 AM

R215 you are LITERALLY advertising your snotty pretentious attitude. And I do not live in a "far flung burg" and guess what? Some of us are not snobs like you obviously are. We focus on getting together and enjoying time together, not being a pretentious cunt. If you want to host snob-fest dinner parties (which nobody actually enjoys, in case they never had the balls to tell you that) go for it. I don't care one bit.

by Anonymousreply 223November 6, 2021 6:47 AM

[quote]I see you have nothing but contempt for nice things you've never had the chance to experience so you've created an imaginary culture war against people you've never met and nice manners you'll never possess. You are what the term "hoi polloi" is used to describe, and your almost Trumpian "Everyman" act is as tedious as the classy events you imagine!

Wow R217 you are quite the cunt tonight. Not everyone requires formality in order to have a "nice" party. You must be very very old and unaware of how people actually live in the modern world. But do continue to throw your snooze-fest snob dinners if that makes you happy. Non-dinosaur age people are laughing at your ridiculousness.

by Anonymousreply 224November 6, 2021 6:51 AM

It never occurred to me that the wine was a gift. I always thought of the wine as a contribution to the dinner, like a plate of cookies. I don't think there's anything wrong with one of the guests taking the initiative and opening it. R11 I can't imagine you have many people over if you're that uptight.

by Anonymousreply 225November 6, 2021 7:01 AM

Lots of uppity Glorias and Bunnys on this thread thinking people actually want to attend their "classy" parties. Oh my sides!

by Anonymousreply 226November 6, 2021 7:08 AM

R217 is a tedious old grampy posting from the nursing home, thinking it's 1973.

by Anonymousreply 227November 6, 2021 7:09 AM

R224 insists that no one on earth be allowed to entertain at any level more elegant than a neighborhood potluck/open house. We get it, we get it, you're just a man of the people who learned everything you need to know about entertaining manning the grill out back.

I'm not talking remotely about that style of entertaining, but trust me there exists an entire universe of people who have guests over for dinner where glass and china are still used, and no one is there to prove how casual and folksy they are. Few would dare seek your wrath by wearing nice clothes, having acceptable manners, or arriving on time, but trust me these things exist!

People entertain because they have to for business, or political reasons, or for a celebration, or they just want to show their appreciation for people. Do you know how to behave at your boss's house should he or she host a holiday dinner? Are you acquainted with any grownups?

Did you miss the part where I said I knew these things because I was the server or butler? I'm not some silver spoon type, I've just learned how to host or be a guest at a nice dinner party. Lots of people don't live at The River House or The Dakota, yet still can plan a lovely intimate fun dinner for their friends and no one present will feel uptight, bored, or highfalutin just because they didn't arrive with homemade cupcakes, or a twelve-pack of warm beer.

by Anonymousreply 228November 6, 2021 7:22 AM

r227 licks his knife.

by Anonymousreply 229November 6, 2021 7:23 AM

R229 lives in a single wide.

by Anonymousreply 230November 6, 2021 7:25 AM

Thanks for re-explaining the Bunny and Gloria lifestyle to us little people R228. Your wisdom and high culture are to be admired by all and the 99% should strive to be graced with the honor of receiving an engraved invitation to one of your life changing fabulous events that we could never dream of without your grace and elegance!. We will all make conforming to your lifestyle as the only definition of style and class as our highest priority in life! I hope you will accept my apology in advance if the gift wrap on my hostess gift fails to meet your standards in any way! I would hate to continue committing such egregious faux pas!

by Anonymousreply 231November 6, 2021 7:31 AM

R228, while trying to sound high class and mannered, was actually a condescending prick who lives in a fantasy world of self importance and gets pleasure of denigrating others. This is a sign of a personality disorder or mental illness.

by Anonymousreply 232November 6, 2021 8:01 AM

R152 What the fuck do you mean you disagree? Where can you go wrong in being more considerate of your hosts’ personal preferences? You think every person in the world should automatically like what YOU like?

Are you Hildi Santo-Tomas?

by Anonymousreply 233November 6, 2021 8:25 AM

Hildi Santo-Tomas.....now there's a blast from the past! The Trading Spaces episodes with her as a designer were guaranteed to be interesting! Hay glued on the walls? Sure, why not? Ah the early 2000's...good times.

by Anonymousreply 234November 6, 2021 8:30 AM

Is this an appropriate table setting for a proper dinner party? Please advise, oh gracious and wise ones.

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by Anonymousreply 235November 6, 2021 8:36 AM

My dear friend L'impératrice Farah en exil offers a single gem from one of her many tiaras and it is delivered the next morning by her chauffeur. The gem is in a pull string gem bag of simple linen which is handed to the hostess along with Farah's 2 line note of thanks, inked on 50 yo Cartier card stock.

by Anonymousreply 236November 6, 2021 10:52 AM

Half of the people posting here I might invite to dinner.

The other half I would not talk to in Palm Springs.

I generally tell my guests that the dinner will be fancy, not formal, and to dress comfortably.

My one great screening tool is that I must have witnessed my guests, prior, at table. I take people out all the time and observe their table manners.

If you do not hold a fork properly, you will never be invited.

If you call an ice cream fork a spork, banished.

by Anonymousreply 237November 6, 2021 2:23 PM

I handmake all of my hostess gifts out of air dry clay.

They don't say it, but I know people love them.

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by Anonymousreply 238November 6, 2021 2:27 PM

I am guessing you meant that as a joke R238 but I actually do like that planter. Guess I need to invite you over after all.

by Anonymousreply 239November 6, 2021 2:30 PM

Beware, r238, R1 will make a wine cooler...

by Anonymousreply 240November 6, 2021 2:32 PM

[quote]The other half I would not talk to in Palm Springs.

Well, it's hard to talk while you're so shamelessly sucking your own cock.

by Anonymousreply 241November 6, 2021 2:37 PM

This is a tricky one because often the booze is my contribution to a Thanksgiving celebration. I've brought very expensive bottles of Dom or Vueve that were meant to be shared, but the host kept them. Often I get expensive bottles for the holidays from clients. A bottle of Dom means nothing to me, so I am happy to regift it and if the host doesn't share, that's fine. I am OK with it, but I do think it's actually in bad taste of the host not to pop it. I know Thanksgiving dinners are expensive so I am also always happy to contribute money to the meal, especially when I was younger and my friends had less money.

by Anonymousreply 242November 6, 2021 2:58 PM

"A bottle of Dom means nothing to me"

Ooh, smell Miss R242!

by Anonymousreply 243November 6, 2021 5:11 PM

[quote]Often I get expensive bottles for the holidays from clients. A bottle of Dom means nothing to me, so I am happy to regift it and if the host doesn't share, that's fine. I am OK with it, but I do think it's actually in bad taste of the host not to pop it.

So which is it - you care or you don't care? You can't simultaneously think it's "fine" and you're "OK with it" while also stating that you "think it's actually in bad taste not to pop it."

by Anonymousreply 244November 6, 2021 5:21 PM

I love being attacked as an elitist 1%er for daring to suggest not bringing your own food or deli flowers to a nice dinner party!

You all should really try to get out more.

by Anonymousreply 245November 6, 2021 5:28 PM

[quote] Often I get expensive bottles for the holidays from clients. A bottle of Dom means nothing to me, so I am happy to regift it and if the host doesn't share, that's fine. I am OK with it, but I do think it's actually in bad taste of the host not to pop it.

I should have rephrased that or articulated it in a better way. I do not have a refined pallet for expensive champagne and wine. It's not something I would ever spend good money on. Maybe a moderate priced Vueuve, but never Dom. When I get these types of gifts I feel like it is such a waste because there are many other things I would enjoy much more for $100+ like a gift card or a dinner out. If I am not paying for it and I am bringing it for the booze contribution, I would like to have a glass, but at the end of the day it doesn't mean much to me in terms of personal value. That's all. The hosts are fine to keep it if they want, but I think it's a bit tacky.

by Anonymousreply 246November 6, 2021 6:24 PM

When I am invited to dinner parties, which is often, I always bring my own Tupperware. I laboriously fill them with my serving, beg the host's forgiveness that I must leave as I just received a better invitation, and then head home with two days' worth of leftovers.

by Anonymousreply 247November 6, 2021 6:27 PM

R228 is on point. Most of you like most Americans living abroad are embarrassments in this department. Truly appalling manners and justification for not knowing any better

If you want to land a nice European man from a nice family you 'd better learn something about proper etiquette now so you don't embarrass yourself later at the home of your potential in-laws

by Anonymousreply 248November 6, 2021 6:30 PM

R228 - My mom and dad are both 70. I feel like their generation was the last to have fine china, silver, and crystal. We always had formal place settings for the holidays or special occasions. Now, people of my generation don't want these things - neither as a wedding gift nor as a inheritance. With that said, I think proper manners are important and I think everyone should know how a place setting works. I have friends who make good money and let themselves get intimated by wonderful old school restaurants/establishments. Places like Soho House will get you kicked out for dressing to formally, but University Club it is mandatory. I like the mix of old and new. There is something special about a place the requires coat and tie.

by Anonymousreply 249November 6, 2021 6:38 PM

My closest living relative just got married in blue jeans at a Court House. I was sent a video text. I will be selling my silver.

by Anonymousreply 250November 6, 2021 6:56 PM

R249 - My parents (who are in their 80s but still vibrant) just downsized and have closets and closets full old china, silver, crystal, etc. Nobody wants it. I guess the plan is to sell it off but I'm not even sure how much of a market there is for that anymore.

by Anonymousreply 251November 6, 2021 6:59 PM

Exactly, R251. I have married friends who said their parents china would just get in the way and they donated it to Out of the Closet thrift store. I don't care about china or silver, but I love the feeling and weight of a crystal tumbler.

by Anonymousreply 252November 6, 2021 7:04 PM

I don't understand not using china, crystal, silverware, etc. Why not use them for everyday eating? If you're just going to dump it, why not salvage what's usable? Some of it could be just plain ugly (in whoever's opinion), and that's OK. But if you think it's pretty, I say use it.

by Anonymousreply 253November 6, 2021 7:09 PM

Etiquette is elitist and therefore racist.

by Anonymousreply 254November 6, 2021 7:22 PM

Racism is all about the bottle of wine

by Anonymousreply 255November 6, 2021 7:26 PM

[quote]Now, people of my generation don't want these things - neither as a wedding gift nor as a inheritance.

Because it sits in a cabinet or packed away somewhere collecting dust and taking up space except for those few times you have to take them out, clean, polish, etc. It's a complete fucking waste of space and time. I have successful dinner parties pretty regularly and I use my everyday dishes. And no one gives a shit. The food is good, the evening is fun, there are no specialty forks or different red/white wine glasses or other ridiculous crap like that - all just ridiculous traditions that have brainwashed a whole lot of people into thinking that doing so somehow gives you good manners or class. It's about getting together with friends and enjoying good food and each other's company. I feel sorry for so may people who stand on ceremony because they're not capable of re-thinking how humans do things.

And to that precious doll who keeps posting about how Americans have no class and won't be able to land a husband abroad: Please shove a fish fork or a dessert spoon up your Eurotrash hole. Thanks!

by Anonymousreply 256November 6, 2021 7:27 PM

I'm glad they're using Out of the Closet for donations. Part of me just hates giving it to Good Will because even though they do help the community, it's still for-profit. I don't like for-profit charity.

by Anonymousreply 257November 6, 2021 7:28 PM

Goodwill is a non-profit, a charitable organization under the IRC.

by Anonymousreply 258November 6, 2021 7:35 PM

Out of the Closet benefits AIDS Healthcare Foundation, which already makes a shit ton of money as a health care provider/pharmacy. And Michael Weinstein spent something stupid like $50 million on a ballot issue in LA to prevent a skyscraper from being built that would mar the view from his executive suite. Goodwill sucks, but shoving money down AHF's gullet is hardly noble.

by Anonymousreply 259November 6, 2021 8:30 PM

Is this off topic? We’ve bought baby or infant clothes for our friends children but we’ve never seen them wear them. I don’t expect the parents to strip the kid and put our clothes on them but I’m surprised they they don’t send a picture after our visit.

by Anonymousreply 260November 6, 2021 9:42 PM

@260 - Yes, it is off topic.

by Anonymousreply 261November 6, 2021 9:48 PM

After my father died, I took pictures of every floral arrangement, and enclosed them in a thank-you notes.

Flowers are so expensive, I wanted everyone to know what they purchased, as so many could not attend due to time and distance.

by Anonymousreply 262November 6, 2021 11:34 PM

that’s really sweet of you, R262. And I’m sorry you lost your father.

by Anonymousreply 263November 6, 2021 11:48 PM

I bought a bottle of wine for every dead relative

by Anonymousreply 264November 7, 2021 2:48 AM

WTF are you nattering on about crystal and china? Has nothing to do with whether or not a bottle of wine should be served or not with a dinner. And for the guy who thinks it’s tacky not to open his regifted bottle of “Dom” — did you give the bottle to your host and say “let’s open this”? is there enough for everyone? Is the bottle cold? did you arrive on time so that it could be served as an aperitif? Does your host have enough champagne glasses for everyone? (Glass is fine, doesn’t have to be crystal but don’t get why not. Unless you’re all drinking out of red Solo cups)

by Anonymousreply 265November 7, 2021 11:57 AM

I pour the wine into the crystal china

by Anonymousreply 266November 7, 2021 12:26 PM

R265 - I only buy Chinese wine.

by Anonymousreply 267November 7, 2021 12:34 PM

I’m a failure in Europe!

by Anonymousreply 268November 7, 2021 12:42 PM

I’m big in Japan!

by Anonymousreply 269November 7, 2021 2:11 PM

I'm a fat whore!

by Anonymousreply 270November 7, 2021 2:17 PM

The type of "dinner party" most of you are talking about is already a thing of the past.

You picked it up from your parents.

But younger people are not into that type of rigid formality or fuss.

You think they are showing how much you know about etiquette with all your rules, but you are really showing how old you are.

I say this as someone who had elaborate dinners decades ago but knows that people now like things more casual. I do, too.

by Anonymousreply 271November 7, 2021 3:17 PM

So long as the prunes stay out of the cod I’m fine with informality

by Anonymousreply 272November 7, 2021 3:35 PM

[Quote]But younger people are not into that type of rigid formality or fuss.

But why the resistance to knowing all types of dining? There will be more than likely a time when you're invited to a fine dining experience probably via work. Why not learn proper etiquette for such ocassions?

by Anonymousreply 273November 7, 2021 9:32 PM

R273, I'm not young, but I do think the rules of etiquette can change. Different rules under different circumstances. If younger people are throwing a party and each wants to contribute something (host is also young and can't afford to buy everything), then I can see how it's polite to display / serve (or at least make available) each person's contribution.

I love old school dinner parties where the host or hostess does every single thing, but those are pretty rare and have been rare for a very long time.

by Anonymousreply 274November 7, 2021 9:44 PM

The OP is talking about Thanksgiving you cretins, not Super Bowl Sunday.

by Anonymousreply 275November 7, 2021 10:05 PM

[quote] I love being attacked as an elitist 1%er for daring to suggest not bringing your own food or deli flowers to a nice dinner party! You all should really try to get out more.

I couldn't agree more. It's obvious that some people have never been invited to a nice dinner in someone's home. I suspect if some of you were invited to a nice dinner, it would be the last time.

by Anonymousreply 276November 7, 2021 10:55 PM

What are "deli flowers"?

by Anonymousreply 277November 7, 2021 10:58 PM

EVERYONE JUST STAY THE FUCK HOME.

by Anonymousreply 278November 7, 2021 10:58 PM

[quote] On the subject of turkey pairings, I did pinot/zin for many years until I saw a recommendation for dry riesling. I'll be damned if it wasn't utterly delightful with the turkey and all the sides.

I agree entirely. This is what I will be serving with Thanksgiving dinner this year.

by Anonymousreply 279November 7, 2021 10:59 PM

[quote] What are "deli flowers"?

Ah....how about flowers that one purchases in a deli. Like supermarket flowers—tacky, half-dead, dyed, usually accompanied by gypsophila paniculata.

by Anonymousreply 280November 7, 2021 11:03 PM

[quote] If you're coming to my house, please bring a wine that goes with tomatoes and prunes.—the joke never gets old

If you're an idiot, I suppose it never gets old.

by Anonymousreply 281November 7, 2021 11:07 PM

The host usually has the wine selected, unless he asks you to bring the wine. Your gift of a bottle of wine is for the host's later enjoyment. He may ask you, if he can serve it that evening. You, of course, say yes.

by Anonymousreply 282November 7, 2021 11:08 PM

[quote] This is why I bring the host a tasteful floral arrangement.

Bad form. Never bring your host anything that requires attention. Your host has too many other things to do without you adding to it. If you want to send flowers, send them the next day as a thank you for such a lovely evening.

by Anonymousreply 283November 7, 2021 11:11 PM

[quote] When I used to have people over for dinner, something I don't do anymore, guests would always ask what they could bring, as if it were a community supper. I would try to dissuade them, since I would usually be making something special that I was particular about. "But we have to bring *something*!" No, you don't. I invited you to enjoy yourself, not cater. (And I don't want to have to serve your dopey hummus and pita that doesn't fit in with my menu!)

Here! Here! I can't stand when someone brings something that they expect will be served. I've already planned out everything the way I want it. No, I really don't want to serve your baba ganoush.

by Anonymousreply 284November 7, 2021 11:16 PM

Taking a bottle of wine is a token of appreciation for being invited. Do your research and get a good quality, mid-range wine. It doesn’t have to hugely expensive. Make sure you find out what kind of wine the host/hostess likes.

by Anonymousreply 285November 7, 2021 11:21 PM

[quote] "Giving wine: Wine can be given as long as you follow one rule. As you hand the hosts the bottle, say something like this: “This wine is a favorite of mine, and I thought you and Stephanie might enjoy it some quiet evening in the coming weeks.” What you want to express is that by no means do you expect them to serve the wine you brought during the party. The reason? The hosts have put thought into every item on the menu; if they think that you’re expecting them to serve your wine, it disrupts their menu."

Brilliant!

by Anonymousreply 286November 7, 2021 11:22 PM

[quote] Isn't this controlling behavior, control what the person drinks?

Oh my God. Hosting a dinner party is totally about controlling behavior. When you're in my home, I am controlling what you drink, what you eat, where you sit, and what you listen to. With drinks, you have choices, but they are not unlimited.

by Anonymousreply 287November 7, 2021 11:27 PM

R285 It really isn't, not anymore.

Here's the deal. If you are invited to a dinner party, ask if you need to bring anything. If you are the host and do not want that, tell them no thank you and that you have everything covered. Then you can bring wine or something else for the hosts to enjoy later. If however, you would like them to bring something, tell them, and they can show up with whatever for everyone to share. Nothing wrong in asking and being upfront about it.

by Anonymousreply 288November 7, 2021 11:28 PM

What are dinner and parties?

by Anonymousreply 289November 7, 2021 11:30 PM

[quote] If people want to bring a host gift, I would gladly receive a dozen 24" monogramed napkins. Cotton/linen, machine embroidery accepted.

I love you, R159. And I also love 24" white linen napkins.

Tip: Ebay is a great place to find 24" square linen napkins. They often have never been used but were found in someone's house following their death—probably a wedding gift.

by Anonymousreply 290November 7, 2021 11:31 PM

[quote] What are dinner and parties?

God, you're tedious

by Anonymousreply 291November 7, 2021 11:31 PM

[quote] I have a nice life but frankly [R197] I don't attend snotty affairs like that and have never known anyone who hosts that way. Dinner parties in my world are more of a shared experience, not a production controlled by the hostess with an iron grip. That sounds like a stuffy boring affair where everyone sits around the formal dining room table stiffly engaged in conversation about their latest yachting adventure. Snoozefest. I'll take my more casual events any day over that. But a Mrs Howell party is what makes people happy, have at it! Life is short and is to be enjoyed as often as possible.

Snotty affairs? Stuffy and boring? Formal dining room table?

How pathetic you sound.

by Anonymousreply 292November 7, 2021 11:36 PM

How pathetic you [bold]ARE[/bold], R292

by Anonymousreply 293November 7, 2021 11:37 PM

Oh dear, Greg is upset again. I used to feel bad for you getting picked on as you do, but I'm starting to understand the why now.

by Anonymousreply 294November 7, 2021 11:42 PM

[quote] That sounds like a stuffy boring affair where everyone sits around the formal dining room table stiffly engaged in conversation about their latest yachting adventure. Snoozefest.

[quote] I can assure you a well thrown dinner party is anything but what you describe! I see you have nothing but contempt for nice things you've never had the chance to experience so you've created an imaginary culture war against people you've never met and nice manners you'll never possess. You are what the term "hoi polloi" is used to describe, and your almost Trumpian "Everyman" act is as tedious as the classy events you imagine!

Well put! Customs and etiquette exist to help everyone have a good time. I have had such fun times at dinners where people know how to behave and hosts and guests alike understand what their proper roles are. We're not talking about a backyard cookout here, we're talking about being invited into someone's home for a dinner with others. For you to say, "...stiffly engaged in conversation about their latest yachting adventure" shows just how little you know and how limited your experiences have been.

by Anonymousreply 295November 7, 2021 11:42 PM

[quote] I used to feel bad for you getting picked on as you do, but I'm starting to understand the why now.

Well, honestly, in my better moments, I have tried to be civil and kind on here, but look what it got me: rude comments; people saying they'd be happy if I died; endless ridiculous prune jokes; and being accused of creating a persona.

by Anonymousreply 296November 7, 2021 11:45 PM

[quote] If you want to host snob-fest dinner parties (which nobody actually enjoys, in case they never had the balls to tell you that) go for it. I don't care one bit.

So amusing...."which nobody actually enjoys" — Thank you for speaking on behalf of everyone. Why do you suppose so many of my friends host dinner parties similar to the type I host? Is it because they know that nobody actually enjoys them? Just because you don't get invited to these types of parties doesn't mean that "nobody actually enjoys them."

Why do you imagine it's such a burden to be invited to someone's home where you don't have to bring anything and you will be in the company of interesting and friendly guests (most of whom are your friends) and where the host has spent time planning a nice meal with good drinks?

by Anonymousreply 297November 7, 2021 11:56 PM

No dear R295, it shows that I am choosy about who I choose to associate with, and decline invitations to events that sound hideously stuffy and uninteresting. Was it you who said people still entertain this way for work related functions? I'm in an industry where that was the norm many years ago, but it has been quite some time since anyone did any type of formal affair in recent years or even decades. Life has changed, and you belittling people because they don't enjoy stuffy formal dinner parties with people "of a certain age" indicates you are not the very gracious and well mannered individual you're portraying yourself as. In fact, you sound like a basic troll. Bye now.

by Anonymousreply 298November 7, 2021 11:58 PM

[quote] You must be very very old and unaware of how people actually live in the modern world. But do continue to throw your snooze-fest snob dinners if that makes you happy. Non-dinosaur age people are laughing at your ridiculousness.

"Very old" — such an insulting thing to say. I know plenty of younger people who have manners and understand how a dinner party works ("in the modern world"). What does that even mean — "in the modern world?"

Perhaps you shouldn't be so parochial and believe that you have your finger on the pulse of contemporary society. Because you really don't.

by Anonymousreply 299November 8, 2021 12:05 AM

You are all poor white trash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by Anonymousreply 300November 8, 2021 12:06 AM

Does a six pack of Schlitz beer go with turkey?

by Anonymousreply 301November 8, 2021 12:09 AM

[quote] it has been quite some time since anyone did any type of formal affair in recent years or even decades. Life has changed, and you belittling people because they don't enjoy stuffy formal dinner parties with people "of a certain age" indicates.....blah, blah, blah...

Oh really? Tell us just how long it's been since "anyone" had a formal (not sure why you assume formality) dinner party. And why has life changed? I haven't noticed. The parties many people on here are describing are not necessarily stuffy. Why on earth do you assume they are stuffy? Do you think it's stuffy to spend an evening with close friends? Do you think there's not lots of laughter and music? And you can quit saying that these types of parties are filled with old people. The more you say, the more limited you sound. The last "stuffy" dinner party I had included guests from the age of 28 to 70. We had the best time. Some of us smoked weed after dinner. Some guests spent the night. I'm sorry if what you imagine doesn't accurately reflect reality.

by Anonymousreply 302November 8, 2021 12:15 AM

Rose is what really ges with poultry, peasants.

by Anonymousreply 303November 8, 2021 12:15 AM

I see that all the panties are still as tightly bunched as when I last checked in on this thread. Excluding Greg's, of course, since I understand that she always goes commando.

by Anonymousreply 304November 8, 2021 12:20 AM

I don't like Rose but from what I have read it pairs with just about everything (chicken, fish, beef, duck, lamb, cheeses, etc. Maybe it's the most versatile wine variety? Perhaps I should give it another chance.

by Anonymousreply 305November 8, 2021 12:23 AM

My pussy was invited to the FUCKING GRAND BALL!

by Anonymousreply 306November 8, 2021 12:29 AM

Dorothy, why are people saying I match with chicken, fish, beef, duck, lamb, and cheeses?

by Anonymousreply 307November 8, 2021 12:43 AM

What flavor were the cupcakes that got dumped in the trash?

by Anonymousreply 308November 8, 2021 12:52 AM

R307, condoms, condoms, Condoms!

by Anonymousreply 309November 8, 2021 12:57 AM

R309 = Edna Garrett

by Anonymousreply 310November 8, 2021 1:05 AM

There are only two possible scenarios, it's not that complicated. You get invited to someone's home for dinner. You ask, "What can I bring?"

A - "Please bring dessert / booze / an appetizer / wine, thank you." You ask how much will be needed, and you bring it.

B - "Just yourself, thanks - I've got everything covered." If you choose to bring a bottle of wine, it's a gift to the host -- and the host can decide to serve it or not.

by Anonymousreply 311November 8, 2021 1:11 AM

R311 - And C: Who the fuck are you and who did you get my number?

by Anonymousreply 312November 8, 2021 1:45 AM

Is it okay to bring cheese in a jar?

by Anonymousreply 313November 8, 2021 12:25 PM

[quote] My pussy was invited to the FUCKING GRAND BALL!

Sorry, not me. I would never sound so excited. My pussy has been invited to many grand balls. Just another day.

by Anonymousreply 314November 8, 2021 12:36 PM

how about pop in a bottle?

by Anonymousreply 315November 8, 2021 12:36 PM

This thread opened the season for holiday high kunting

by Anonymousreply 316November 8, 2021 12:48 PM

I once brought a jar of spicy pickled green beans and the host keyed my car.

by Anonymousreply 317November 8, 2021 2:04 PM

[quote] I once brought a jar of spicy pickled green beans and the host keyed my car.

Can you blame me?

by Anonymousreply 318November 8, 2021 2:28 PM

I’ve found that sex toys are always a big hit with the hostess. Just make sure they’re brand new and in the original packaging, though. I only made that mistake once.

by Anonymousreply 319November 8, 2021 2:47 PM

I like to embellish my hostess gifts.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 320November 8, 2021 2:53 PM

It seems that Greg is not used to Darphur Orphan pointing out 1st World problems.

by Anonymousreply 321November 8, 2021 4:10 PM

[quote] It seems that Greg is not used to Darphur Orphan pointing out 1st World problems.

Oh, dear. Time for an English vocabulary lesson.

Do you know the meaning of the word 'tedious?' It means dull, tiresome, or monotonous. If I wasn't familiar with the Darphur Orphan's many comments, I wouldn't have called him tedious. In other words, I am "used to Darphur Orphan pointing out first world problems."

by Anonymousreply 322November 8, 2021 4:29 PM

Greg isn’t used to many things

by Anonymousreply 323November 8, 2021 5:51 PM

[quote] Greg isn’t used to many things

Oh really? Such as? If you make a stupid comment you should be able to explain what exactly you mean.

by Anonymousreply 324November 8, 2021 5:54 PM

I'm sorry, what did he say?

Sometimes in an etiquette thread it is best to NOT pay attention.

by Anonymousreply 325November 8, 2021 7:36 PM

Can someone execute a wellness check on Greg? His meds may need to be recalibrated.

by Anonymousreply 326November 8, 2021 7:43 PM

[quote] Can someone execute a wellness check on Greg? His meds may need to be recalibrated.

Why?

by Anonymousreply 327November 8, 2021 7:49 PM

Poor Greg is exhausted. NOBODY gets the "Darfur Orphan" response more than he does.

by Anonymousreply 328November 8, 2021 10:10 PM

Greg is likely to Serve the Darfur orphan baked with prunes for his guests on his terrace

by Anonymousreply 329November 9, 2021 1:08 AM

I just left a ZuckerFuck group dedicated to table tops and one frau posted what she thought was an ideal formal place setting. As any dolt would tell you, you can 'read' the meal from the the silver in the place setting. Guests eat from the outside in. But these ideal settings have tea spoons and demitasse spoons IN THE COURSE silver. Drives me crazy. I'm the same guy who always places a salad knife. Experts who ain't crank me.

by Anonymousreply 330November 9, 2021 1:48 AM

To R72, if Fireball is brought to my home as a gift, it never makes it to dinner. I get the Waterford shot glasses and we toast Edie Sedgewick silk screening of "Ciao Manhattan"& my Holey Marilyn from Warhol. I inherited them from one of my clients who paid me in artwork in his will.

by Anonymousreply 331November 9, 2021 2:15 AM

I have no idea what R330 is talking about.

by Anonymousreply 332November 9, 2021 2:41 AM

Then you do not belong in an etiquette thread, r332.

by Anonymousreply 333November 9, 2021 2:52 AM

SLAP HER!

by Anonymousreply 334November 9, 2021 11:32 AM

We have a friend who couldn’t resist bringing something to share even though I prepare everything for a dinner party and I don’t think that’s unusual. Once I prepared a three course meal of Indian food but this friend thought she would “ surprise” us once again. She contacted a local Indian restaurant and ordered an appetizer but they prepared an entire multi-course dinner that she showed up with and the appropriate sheepish grin.

by Anonymousreply 335November 9, 2021 1:59 PM

they can stuff themselves

by Anonymousreply 336November 9, 2021 2:47 PM

R335 next time just let them know. "Please don't bring anything". And if they do, save it for yourself.

by Anonymousreply 337November 9, 2021 3:47 PM

[quote]Once I prepared a three course meal of Indian food but this friend thought she would “ surprise” us once again. She contacted a local Indian restaurant and ordered an appetizer but they prepared an entire multi-course dinner that she showed up with and the appropriate sheepish grin.

I assume this is what your friend told you happened, but I can't tell from your post if you know she's full of shit or if you actually believe the restaurant made this colossal mistake.

by Anonymousreply 338November 9, 2021 3:55 PM

[quote] But these ideal settings have tea spoons and demitasse spoons IN THE COURSE silver. Drives me crazy. I'm the same guy who always places a salad knife. Experts who ain't crank me.

Thank you, R330. I agree. It drives me crazy when people put a teaspoon on the table to the right of the place knife. It makes absolutely no sense and looks ridiculous. Teaspoons are used for....hold on....tea! And not on the table.

Same thing with demitasse spoons. They belong in the room where people are offered coffee after dinner (not at the table).

by Anonymousreply 339November 9, 2021 4:04 PM

If I'm serving High Tea, I place the Tea Cup to the right of the water glass with the spoon on the saucer.

by Anonymousreply 340November 9, 2021 4:52 PM

[quote] If I'm serving High Tea, I place the Tea Cup to the right of the water glass with the spoon on the saucer.

I don't really know. I don't care for high tea. I far prefer afternoon tea.

High tea is not a fancy tea, as many people assume. Scones, tea sandwiches, and ams cakes are the hallmark of afternoon tea, which is served in mid-afternoon. A high tea, however, includes much more substantive fare, such as meat, fish, and egg dishes, as well as breads and desserts, and is offered in the early evening. High tea is basically a light supper for the working class.

Afternoon tea, also known as “low tea,” is most often taken at a low table, like a coffee table in the sitting room before a warm fire. High tea gets its name from its tendency to be served at a high table, like a dining table or high counter, at the end of the workday.

Give me afternoon tea any day of the week!

by Anonymousreply 341November 9, 2021 5:11 PM

r335, did everyone eat more of the restaurant food or the food you prepared?

by Anonymousreply 342November 9, 2021 5:12 PM

[quote]. She contacted a local Indian restaurant and ordered an appetizer but they prepared an entire multi-course dinner that she showed up with and the appropriate sheepish grin.

This story makes no sense.

by Anonymousreply 343November 9, 2021 5:13 PM

Greg at R341 tediously explains to us slobs the differences between high and low tea, and then he wonders why he's an object of ridicule on DL.

by Anonymousreply 344November 9, 2021 5:17 PM

So what did you do with the meal she brought? Did you say we'll just save this for ourselves for another night? Is she always this annoying? Why are you friends with her?

by Anonymousreply 345November 9, 2021 5:20 PM

[quote] Greg at [R341] tediously explains to us slobs the differences between high and low tea, and then he wonders why he's an object of ridicule on DL.

I wouldn't call you all slobs. But don't you like to learn new things? Though maybe you already knew the difference between high tea and afternoon tea? I really doubt it.

by Anonymousreply 346November 9, 2021 5:20 PM

If a friend ever pulled that stunt (bringing food to a dinner party), I'd simply say, "Thank you, but when I invited you to dinner I thought cooking was the right thing to do, so I did! I'll save this for Sunday lunch."

by Anonymousreply 347November 9, 2021 5:22 PM

r340, I too prefer Afternoon Tea to a High Tea, but I was referencing the only time I would set the table with a Teacup and spoon.

by Anonymousreply 348November 9, 2021 6:26 PM

^^^ r341

by Anonymousreply 349November 9, 2021 6:27 PM

R347 Greg, it made relations a bit tense but only for the moment. Everyone involved is a grownup and I realized she did this out of an anxiousness to please. We ate the meal I prepared and she took hers home.

by Anonymousreply 350November 9, 2021 10:44 PM

Greg drank the bottle; then passed out in the powder room

by Anonymousreply 351November 10, 2021 1:57 AM

[quote]Hosting a dinner party is totally about controlling behavior. When you're in my home, I am controlling what you drink, what you eat, where you sit, and what you listen to.

In other words, hosting these dinner parties is Greg's way of stamping his little feet at his gaggle of Barefoot Contessa rejects and shrieking, "I'm the boss, applesauce!"

by Anonymousreply 352November 10, 2021 2:38 AM

Greg is a true cuntessa

by Anonymousreply 353November 10, 2021 2:43 AM

Greg sounds insufferable.

by Anonymousreply 354November 10, 2021 5:03 AM

He can derail his own threads.

by Anonymousreply 355November 10, 2021 12:10 PM

Someone here needs to take her meds.

by Anonymousreply 356November 10, 2021 12:19 PM

[quote] In other words, hosting these dinner parties is Greg's way of stamping his little feet at his gaggle of Barefoot Contessa rejects and shrieking, "I'm the boss, applesauce!"

Don't be such an asshole. No, that is not what's happening. My point is, let's not pretend that when we invite people into our homes as guests, we are in fact controlling what happens. It's just a fact. To pretend otherwise is a fiction – or, you are a bad host.

by Anonymousreply 357November 10, 2021 2:05 PM

[bold] CORRECTION [/bold]

Don't be such an asshole. No, that is not what's happening. My point is, let's not pretend that when we invite people into our homes as guests, we are [bold] not [/bold] in fact controlling what happens. It's just a fact. To pretend otherwise is a fiction – or, you are a bad host.

by Anonymousreply 358November 10, 2021 2:07 PM

[quote] Greg sounds insufferable.

I don't just [bold] sound [/bold] that way. To you, I'm sure I would be insufferable—an experience that I imagine would be mutual. Were I not insufferable to someone like you, I'd feel as though I were doing something wrong.

by Anonymousreply 359November 10, 2021 2:09 PM

[quote] Greg is a true cuntessa

Thank you.

by Anonymousreply 360November 10, 2021 2:10 PM

The bipolars have derailed the thread.

Thanks, assholes.

by Anonymousreply 361November 10, 2021 2:11 PM

[quote] He can derail his own threads.

That's a good one. Do you really think I initiated this thread? Hilarious!

[quote] I've been invited to spend Thanksgiving with friends and I'm bringing a bottle of wine for the host. Does the host keep the wine or share it with guests?

First of all, I [bold] host [/bold] Thanksgiving, I am not a guest in anyone's home on Thanksgiving.

Secondly, do you really think that I would go to DL and consult with people here about manners? I can't stop laughing.

For the record, I know how to be a guest and what to bring as a gift to my host without asking people on a gay gossip site. I dispense advice, I don't solicit it.

by Anonymousreply 362November 10, 2021 2:16 PM

[quote] The bipolars have derailed the thread. Thanks, assholes.

If anyone would know. You're right about the assholes out here, however. A group of adults who have no understanding of manners, etiquette, and polite society. So amusing.

by Anonymousreply 363November 10, 2021 2:18 PM

Step away from the keyboard and take a Xanax.

You are way too invested in this.

by Anonymousreply 364November 10, 2021 2:25 PM

[quote] Step away from the keyboard and take a Xanax. You are way too invested in this.

Good advice.

by Anonymousreply 365November 10, 2021 2:30 PM

Greg, what would you do in this situation when etiquette advice is offered at the table.

I have a job that necessitates I be contactable on a moment's notice, and I keep my phone in my trouser pocket on vibrate. I reach into my pocket, turn off the phone, and ask to be excused from the table. It was early in the meal, and I then placed my napkin left of my plate, on the table, and moved to another room to return the call. I returned to my seat and replaced my napkin in my lap, and one of the other guests stated that it was proper to place a napkin on the chair seat for absences. Putting a napkin on a farty chair seat, I do not care who you are, is disgusting. During the desert course, it rang again (my host knows this and is not bothered by this), and I stood up opened the left side of my jacket and tucked the napkin into my inner breast pocket and went to the other room. She didn't say a word on my return.

What would Greg have done.

by Anonymousreply 366November 10, 2021 4:27 PM

[quote]I don't just sound that way. To you, I'm sure I would be insufferable—an experience that I imagine would be mutual. Were I not insufferable to someone like you, I'd feel as though I were doing something wrong.

Greg sounds mentally ill.

by Anonymousreply 367November 10, 2021 5:52 PM

Life used to be so simple. Everyone would bring a cheap ass jug of wine and a couple of joints. A good time was had by all!

by Anonymousreply 368November 10, 2021 5:59 PM

[quote]What would Greg have done.

Paced around his padded room talking to himself.

by Anonymousreply 369November 10, 2021 7:07 PM

R366, based on your post I’m guessing you’re either a Rent Boy or a Drug Dealer. Which is it?

by Anonymousreply 370November 10, 2021 8:34 PM

I swear this thread is like something out of "The boys in the band" only slightly more vicious and 50 times stupider.

by Anonymousreply 371November 10, 2021 9:04 PM

[quote] Life used to be so simple. Everyone would bring a cheap ass jug of wine and a couple of joints. A good time was had by all!

Oh honey, no. You're confusing formal dinner parties with commune hippie orgies.

by Anonymousreply 372November 10, 2021 10:46 PM

Formal dining at its finest

by Anonymousreply 373November 10, 2021 11:52 PM

This thread is making me thorny.

by Anonymousreply 374November 11, 2021 2:59 AM

The Brest advice is simply to strangle all the guests

by Anonymousreply 375November 11, 2021 12:01 PM

After the wine, Paris Brest will be served

by Anonymousreply 376November 12, 2021 12:37 PM

So now that the dust has settled, have we all decided on our food offerings and hostess gifts for the season.

by Anonymousreply 377November 12, 2021 6:19 PM

The best option is to simply not host or attend any events of this nature. That way nobody will offend or be offended. Everyone should just stay home in solitude where they can agree with everyone in the room at all times. In a room of 1, you will get no arguments from anyone!

by Anonymousreply 378November 12, 2021 7:17 PM

I'm bringing a cheese ball

by Anonymousreply 379November 12, 2021 7:31 PM

Have a Zoom dinner! That way no one is the host and everyone gets to eat and drink whatever the fuck they want!

by Anonymousreply 380November 12, 2021 9:16 PM

[quote] I'm bringing a cheese ball

I shudder to think what kind of cheese and from where you scraped it.

by Anonymousreply 381November 12, 2021 9:44 PM

I put all the cheeses

by Anonymousreply 382November 13, 2021 2:07 AM

Homemade jam. 😋

by Anonymousreply 383November 13, 2021 6:09 PM

YUMMO!

by Anonymousreply 384November 13, 2021 10:51 PM

I agree with R383. I often bring some homemade preserves (blackberry/sage; blood orange marmalade; peach; or pear) and sometimes I bring some Cryovac smoked catfish with a small jar of cream cheese/lemon zest/dill. I smoke my own catfish fillets and they are so good as an hors d'oeuvre or to give away as gifts. Something homemade is always a nice gift to bring one's host.

by Anonymousreply 385November 13, 2021 11:14 PM

[quote] I smoke my own catfish fillets and they are so good as an hors d'oeuvre or to give away as gifts.

Who wouldn't adore smoked catfish as a gift?

by Anonymousreply 386November 14, 2021 4:27 AM

Absolutely nobody R386. That is vile.

by Anonymousreply 387November 14, 2021 5:09 AM

There's no point in trying to parody Greg, who thinks smoked catfish fillets make a grand gift, because he does such a good job of parodying himself.

by Anonymousreply 388November 14, 2021 5:27 AM

[quote] Absolutely nobody [R386]. That is vile.

Wow. I guess your tastes are universal? Absolutely nobody? Nah. Just because your tastes are limited, doesn't mean that "absolutely nobody" would like some smoked fish. It's delicious and many like it.

by Anonymousreply 389November 14, 2021 11:21 AM

[quote] There's no point in trying to parody Greg, who thinks smoked catfish fillets make a grand gift, because he does such a good job of parodying himself.

A "grand gift?" Really? I'd hardly call a small gift one brings to one's host, a "grand gift."

So no, I don't consider smoked catfish a "grand gift" — but it's a lovely and thoughtful token of appreciation for having been invited into someone's home for a meal. For the record, I wouldn't consider jam/preserves a "grand gift" nor would I consider a bottle of wine a "grand gift."

Yes, I still think that something homemade is a lovely host gift. Sorry if you don't approve of smoked fish. That's your problem.

Oh, and you sound like a miserable person. Hope your life gets better. Have a nice day!

by Anonymousreply 390November 14, 2021 11:24 AM

I adore smoked fish

by Anonymousreply 391November 14, 2021 12:42 PM

[quote] I adore smoked fish

So do I! As do most people I know. It's such a good hors d'oeuvre or snack. I purchase a case of catfish fillets at a time and smoke them and then Cryovac the fillets individually and store them in the freezer. It freezes very well and makes for a delicious last minute bite.

by Anonymousreply 392November 14, 2021 2:05 PM

When I want smoked fish, I sit on the fireplace.

by Anonymousreply 393November 14, 2021 3:12 PM

Update- The host opted to share the wine. I did not storm out or slap him viciously.

by Anonymousreply 394November 26, 2021 1:33 AM

R394...so they did what every decent host would do.

by Anonymousreply 395November 26, 2021 2:50 AM

No, r394, but knowing what a fuss his dopey low-class friend would make if his lousy wine weren't opened and served they just said, "Oh, screw it, open that swill and let's get rid of it!"

by Anonymousreply 396November 26, 2021 4:52 AM

[quote] so they did what every decent host would do.

Well, every decent host wouldn't have invited the OP to begin with.

by Anonymousreply 397November 27, 2021 11:55 AM

(246) You mean that you don't have a refined palate. You aren't ready for true snobbery yet!

by Anonymousreply 398December 23, 2021 11:45 AM

r398, this is how you do it, r246

by Anonymousreply 399December 23, 2021 12:27 PM

Unless you're going to a lesbian potluck wedding, you people who expect the host to serve a hostess gift are animals.

You're probably the same person who "gifts" concert tix to a friend, expecting them to take you. Extra points for tix to a show or concert the other person doesn't like, but you love.

It is decidedly low class to give a gift that is essentially for yourself, as giving a hostess gift and expecting it to be served is.

As hostess gift is a gift intended for the host to enjoy as a token in return for the time, effort, and expense the host expended to host you. Expecting the host to share that gift with you is selfish.

by Anonymousreply 400December 23, 2021 4:23 PM

[quote] Unless you're going to a lesbian potluck wedding, you people who expect the host to serve a hostess gift are animals.

I agree, but still gotta say… MARY!

by Anonymousreply 401December 23, 2021 11:12 PM

Well said, R400.

by Anonymousreply 402December 24, 2021 2:26 AM

[quote] I agree, but still gotta say… MARY!

Hahahaha! I love that part!

by Anonymousreply 403December 24, 2021 2:26 AM

[quote]I agree, but still gotta say… MARY!

Lesbian potluck wedding is a callback to DL lore from days long gone.

by Anonymousreply 404December 24, 2021 3:59 AM
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