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Things You Will Never Hear a Lesbian Say

"It's great that you're raising money for testicular cancer. That's such a worthy cause."

by Anonymousreply 404November 18, 2021 3:10 PM

Top or bottom?

by Anonymousreply 1October 18, 2021 1:23 PM

I LOVE men!

by Anonymousreply 2October 18, 2021 1:33 PM

I'd never have someone pay for my bread pudding, especially at an overpriced restaurant! I'll happily pay full price

by Anonymousreply 3October 18, 2021 1:35 PM

"But it's such a feminine dick - I don't mind!“

by Anonymousreply 4October 18, 2021 1:38 PM

"That's hilarious!"

by Anonymousreply 5October 18, 2021 1:43 PM

R4 hahaha, I read on Reddit that there was a lesbian in a relationship with a trans girl, with a girldick. She said they had intercourse, I mean with penis(girl penis) penetrating vagina (also girl vagina). I was puzzled, what funny lesbians these must be to have sex that way.

by Anonymousreply 6October 18, 2021 1:44 PM

'Don't you love my sense of irony?'

by Anonymousreply 7October 18, 2021 1:49 PM

"I'm headed over to Sephora. Tootles!"

by Anonymousreply 8October 18, 2021 1:51 PM

“Can I have your recipe for ______?”

by Anonymousreply 9October 18, 2021 1:57 PM

Megan Rapinoe and Sue Bird, you say? Sorry, I've never heard of them.

by Anonymousreply 10October 18, 2021 2:00 PM

I don't really like Subarus that much

by Anonymousreply 11October 18, 2021 2:01 PM

Your cum tastes good.

by Anonymousreply 12October 18, 2021 2:03 PM

Who needs a Uhaul, I travel light?

by Anonymousreply 13October 18, 2021 2:03 PM


by Anonymousreply 14October 18, 2021 2:04 PM

“Sure, you can borrow all of my Indigo Girls CDs. Keep them as long as you’d like”.

by Anonymousreply 15October 18, 2021 2:05 PM

Plaid is SOOO 90s

by Anonymousreply 16October 18, 2021 2:06 PM

I LOVE men.

by Anonymousreply 17October 18, 2021 2:09 PM

The house is perfect. We're not changing a thing.

by Anonymousreply 18October 18, 2021 6:15 PM

rescue-chick, I knew you were straight!

by Anonymousreply 19October 18, 2021 6:16 PM

I'm looking for a gal with a great sense of humor.

by Anonymousreply 20October 18, 2021 6:16 PM

why would I use a cane?

by Anonymousreply 21October 18, 2021 6:50 PM

Teabag me, Baby!

by Anonymousreply 22October 18, 2021 6:53 PM

“I didn’t do shit to help out during the AIDS crisis in the ‘80s.”

by Anonymousreply 23October 18, 2021 6:57 PM

Wash that fish stall it stinks

by Anonymousreply 24October 18, 2021 7:02 PM

"No, I hired someone to build the shed."

by Anonymousreply 25October 18, 2021 7:05 PM

"I forgot the recipe for nutloaf."

by Anonymousreply 26October 18, 2021 7:06 PM

"No need to tell you now, I'll just tell you then."

by Anonymousreply 27October 18, 2021 7:07 PM

I don't even have a pet let alone a rescue pet

by Anonymousreply 28October 18, 2021 7:07 PM

“Let’s try it your way.”

by Anonymousreply 29October 18, 2021 7:12 PM

I thought I'd experiment a bit and make us a soufflé.

by Anonymousreply 30October 18, 2021 7:15 PM

My favorite rap star is...

by Anonymousreply 31October 18, 2021 7:15 PM

"...and the mother says: 'The Aristocrats!'"

by Anonymousreply 32October 18, 2021 7:16 PM

Can we go to Lowe's for a change?

by Anonymousreply 33October 18, 2021 7:17 PM

A CPAP you say? Never heard of it.

by Anonymousreply 34October 18, 2021 7:22 PM

"Well, let's not take ourselves too seriously about this matter. It's only politics."

by Anonymousreply 35October 18, 2021 7:29 PM

"I don't have many boundaries, so you can say or do whatever you want around me. Why would I care what you do?"

by Anonymousreply 36October 18, 2021 7:30 PM

"Oh, I couldn't possibly fix that myself. I'm all thumbs when it comes to home repair."

by Anonymousreply 37October 18, 2021 7:31 PM

I m not bringing a UHaul. It’s only our second date.

by Anonymousreply 38October 18, 2021 7:31 PM

Are these acrylic nails too short? I wanted the tips the same length as the nailbeds.

by Anonymousreply 39October 18, 2021 7:31 PM

I'd munch on Greta Thunberg's carpet.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 40October 18, 2021 7:32 PM

Dream catchers are so tacky.

by Anonymousreply 41October 18, 2021 8:05 PM

Hurry honey—Project Runway’s about to start!

by Anonymousreply 42October 18, 2021 8:40 PM

Who really would have cared in the end if we had let transwomen into MichFest? It's not like it's some mystical site or anything.

by Anonymousreply 43October 19, 2021 12:24 AM

It's not that I'm actually allergic to cilantro; it's just that I don't really care for it.

by Anonymousreply 44October 19, 2021 12:26 AM

“I was thinking of wearing silk instead of flannel.”

by Anonymousreply 45October 19, 2021 1:06 AM

No thanks, I'm wearing a dress this time... I'm just really tired of the modified mans' suit look for dressy occasions.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 46October 19, 2021 3:07 AM

"I know it's about social justice, but I don't really have a strong opinion on this matter.:"

by Anonymousreply 47October 19, 2021 4:04 AM

"I don't really need this cane to walk."

by Anonymousreply 48October 19, 2021 4:06 AM

No, I'm too dainty to be a lumber jack

Oh, it's so big, Paul!

by Anonymousreply 49October 19, 2021 4:36 AM

Can you show me how to change a tire?

by Anonymousreply 50October 19, 2021 4:39 AM

Sure wish I was a gay man so I could sleep with thousands of random strangers over my lifetime!

by Anonymousreply 51October 19, 2021 5:15 AM

Is it in yet?

by Anonymousreply 52October 19, 2021 5:17 AM

OMG, I've gained five pounds! The diet starts today!

by Anonymousreply 53October 19, 2021 5:18 AM

I went to Dakota Johnson’s birthday party!

by Anonymousreply 54October 19, 2021 5:19 AM

*off to my waxing appointment, I am going Brazilian*

by Anonymousreply 55October 19, 2021 5:22 AM

Power tools are for boys!

by Anonymousreply 56October 19, 2021 5:22 AM

"People tell the truth get cancer"

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 57October 19, 2021 5:31 AM

I'll pay this time.

by Anonymousreply 58October 19, 2021 5:34 AM

"I love the way a penis looks"

by Anonymousreply 59October 19, 2021 5:40 AM

“U Hauls are so expensive, let’s wait until the prices of rentals go down.”

by Anonymousreply 60October 19, 2021 5:44 AM

“I don’t like penises, but I do like penis-shaped objects.”

by Anonymousreply 61October 19, 2021 8:24 AM

"Do you think that tip is enough?"

by Anonymousreply 62October 19, 2021 8:49 AM

"There's no evidence that [insert any famous historical woman] isn't straight."

by Anonymousreply 63October 19, 2021 8:50 AM

"Gay men were mostly cared for by other gay men during the AIDS crisis"

by Anonymousreply 64October 19, 2021 8:51 AM

"The world today is so much better than in the '70s"

by Anonymousreply 65October 19, 2021 8:53 AM

"Dating an ex's ex? Doesn't that seem awkward and inappropriate?"

by Anonymousreply 66October 19, 2021 8:54 AM

"We should give each other time to be sure this relationship will work before moving in together"

by Anonymousreply 67October 19, 2021 8:54 AM

"It's difficult to get all essential nutrients on a vegan diet"

by Anonymousreply 68October 19, 2021 8:56 AM

"Does this hairstyle look dated to you?"

by Anonymousreply 69October 19, 2021 8:57 AM

"Is it too soon to renovate the house again? It has been two years."

by Anonymousreply 70October 19, 2021 9:00 AM

"My obesity is caused by my diet not a self-diagnosed glandular issue"

by Anonymousreply 71October 19, 2021 9:03 AM

"I love RuPaul. Drag is so fun."

by Anonymousreply 72October 19, 2021 9:03 AM

"I feel more kinship with gay men than straight women"

by Anonymousreply 73October 19, 2021 9:06 AM

"I hate shopping at Home Depot."

by Anonymousreply 74October 19, 2021 9:06 AM

"I talk tough like a man, but I'll revert to a helpless female if an argument gets threatening."

by Anonymousreply 75October 19, 2021 9:07 AM

"Do you need any help with those dishes?"

by Anonymousreply 76October 19, 2021 9:07 AM

I'll never sport the mullet cut again

by Anonymousreply 77October 19, 2021 9:54 AM

"Michfest ended because it failed to keep up with the times"

by Anonymousreply 78October 19, 2021 9:57 AM

"The US Women's Soccer Team does relatively poorly by any standard. Megan Rapinoe isn't that special"

by Anonymousreply 79October 19, 2021 10:00 AM

“I prefer to go by my full name actually”

by Anonymousreply 80October 19, 2021 11:26 AM

"My balls itch"

by Anonymousreply 81October 19, 2021 11:36 AM

“I prefer the L Word reboot to the original series”

by Anonymousreply 82October 19, 2021 12:29 PM

“You know, I just never liked the taste of beer.”

by Anonymousreply 83October 19, 2021 1:01 PM

"Pass the poppers"

by Anonymousreply 84October 19, 2021 1:06 PM

R31 That makes no sense.

by Anonymousreply 85October 19, 2021 1:07 PM

R19 Wait, rescue chick is gay?

by Anonymousreply 86October 19, 2021 1:08 PM

haha, no r86. But Lesbians always think I am of their tribe.

by Anonymousreply 87October 19, 2021 1:30 PM

lesbiterians always go to the church

by Anonymousreply 88October 19, 2021 2:27 PM

That’s such a funny joke!

by Anonymousreply 89October 19, 2021 2:35 PM

"How many carbs are in that?"

by Anonymousreply 90October 19, 2021 3:24 PM

Should I trade in my Subaru for a Chevy?

by Anonymousreply 91October 19, 2021 3:35 PM

What’s a tool belt?

by Anonymousreply 92October 19, 2021 3:52 PM

My favorite colors are Blush and Bashful!

by Anonymousreply 93October 19, 2021 3:55 PM

"I would kill for a new pair of heels"

by Anonymousreply 94October 19, 2021 4:42 PM

I am a fat whore.

by Anonymousreply 95October 19, 2021 4:46 PM

Rescue Chick, wasn't it you who told us about the dangerous dog you have and all the precautions you need to take with him?

by Anonymousreply 96October 19, 2021 6:31 PM

I need to lose a few pounds.

by Anonymousreply 97October 19, 2021 6:43 PM

What do you think of our new window treatments?

by Anonymousreply 98October 19, 2021 7:51 PM

What's a vibrator?

by Anonymousreply 99October 19, 2021 7:53 PM

R96 It was her. But what does that has to do with the thread subject?

by Anonymousreply 100October 19, 2021 7:57 PM

my girlfriend walks like a gazelle, why a crab?

by Anonymousreply 101October 19, 2021 7:59 PM

"Does this dress make me look too girly?"

by Anonymousreply 102October 19, 2021 8:03 PM

"Women dress for other women not men"

by Anonymousreply 103October 19, 2021 8:04 PM

He has a beautiful cock!

by Anonymousreply 104October 19, 2021 8:17 PM

Let’s forget this meeting’s official agenda and just go out for a drink!

by Anonymousreply 105October 19, 2021 8:53 PM

“Next round’s on me!”

by Anonymousreply 106October 19, 2021 8:57 PM

"I really don't enjoy being vegan."

by Anonymousreply 107October 19, 2021 9:17 PM

Suck my dick

by Anonymousreply 108October 19, 2021 9:27 PM

“Man on the Land — at my invitation!”

by Anonymousreply 109October 19, 2021 9:30 PM

"Does anyone know a good electrician? I need some simple rewiring done."

by Anonymousreply 110October 19, 2021 9:56 PM

That is a beautiful cock, unless of course they are on a chicken farm.

by Anonymousreply 111October 19, 2021 10:02 PM

Do these Carharrts make my ass look fat?

by Anonymousreply 112October 19, 2021 10:08 PM

Lesbyterian? I'm proud to be a Diesel Dyke.

by Anonymousreply 113October 19, 2021 10:11 PM

“I’m not offended”

by Anonymousreply 114October 20, 2021 6:09 AM

I've often wondered what it's like to have sex with a man.

by Anonymousreply 115October 20, 2021 11:04 AM

R108 You are wrong, there are transwomen-lesbians who probably say: suck my girldick, or maybe they say: suck my clit.

by Anonymousreply 116October 20, 2021 11:09 AM

I've lost 10lbs this year.

by Anonymousreply 117October 20, 2021 11:29 AM

Has anyone seen my shaving kit?

by Anonymousreply 118October 20, 2021 12:07 PM

“I always go right for the balls, then work my way up the shaft.”

by Anonymousreply 119October 20, 2021 12:14 PM

"I hate the taste and smell of tuna"

by Anonymousreply 120October 20, 2021 12:16 PM

"Don't touch my weave."

by Anonymousreply 121October 20, 2021 12:29 PM

Fabulous Hisstopher!! The mauve just looks absolutely fabulous!!! That chartreuse was just ghastly!!

by Anonymousreply 122October 20, 2021 12:31 PM

Let's make a list of things that are high class

I'll start.

A single strand of pearls

by Anonymousreply 123October 20, 2021 12:32 PM

I looked really pretty today.

by Anonymousreply 124October 20, 2021 12:51 PM


by Anonymousreply 125October 20, 2021 1:14 PM

I won’t tell you now, I can wait to tell you then.

by Anonymousreply 126October 20, 2021 1:18 PM

Maybe it isn't always the man's fault.

by Anonymousreply 127October 20, 2021 1:30 PM

I think it's important to have a sense of humor about yourself. I try not to take myself too seriously.

by Anonymousreply 128October 20, 2021 1:31 PM

R127, I think that extends to most women (cue the "misogynist" screaming crowd).

by Anonymousreply 129October 20, 2021 1:32 PM

Ewww!! Sportsball

by Anonymousreply 130October 20, 2021 1:40 PM

Ohmigod! Are those this seasons Prada???? I don't care what anyone says, I simply adore Prada! Just simply ADORE them!

by Anonymousreply 131October 20, 2021 1:41 PM

"KD Lang is one of the most overrated artists out there"

by Anonymousreply 132October 20, 2021 3:47 PM

Verificatia of sizemeat?

by Anonymousreply 133October 20, 2021 6:41 PM

"No, I don't think we need to talk about this issue any further. We've already covered it fully"

by Anonymousreply 134October 20, 2021 6:47 PM

Field hockey is boring.

by Anonymousreply 135October 20, 2021 7:48 PM

"Most home renovations aren't worth the bother and inconvenience."

by Anonymousreply 136October 20, 2021 8:14 PM

I'm pretty sure that girls' PE teacher is straight.

by Anonymousreply 137October 20, 2021 8:20 PM

Let's skip dinner.

by Anonymousreply 138October 20, 2021 8:40 PM

We need to show more solidarity with our Gay brothers.

by Anonymousreply 139October 20, 2021 8:46 PM

Grrrrrrrr, woof.

by Anonymousreply 140October 20, 2021 8:50 PM

Me so horny.

by Anonymousreply 141October 20, 2021 9:02 PM

I'd rather have a male boss than a female one.

by Anonymousreply 142October 20, 2021 9:08 PM

I’m not wearing that vest and bow tie - it looks ridiculous.

by Anonymousreply 143October 20, 2021 9:10 PM

That Oprah is hot as fuck. I’d like to suck her cock.

by Anonymousreply 144October 20, 2021 9:53 PM

I have ALL of the episodes of Sex And The City on DVD.

by Anonymousreply 145October 20, 2021 10:28 PM

“I am responsible for any failings in my life not The Patriarchy”

by Anonymousreply 146October 20, 2021 10:32 PM

Virginia Woolf’s writing is a total snooze fest.

by Anonymousreply 147October 21, 2021 1:58 AM

Andrea Dworkin was fucking deranged.

by Anonymousreply 148October 21, 2021 2:44 AM

I hate wallet chains, even though they've been around for over 30 years.

by Anonymousreply 149October 21, 2021 3:05 AM

what do you think about these new earrings? This caftan?

by Anonymousreply 150October 21, 2021 3:41 AM

“What are things you will never hear gay guys say?”

by Anonymousreply 151October 21, 2021 3:44 AM

"Anne Murray is ugly."

by Anonymousreply 152October 21, 2021 3:48 AM

I actually finished reading "Rubyfruit Jungle."

by Anonymousreply 153October 21, 2021 3:49 AM

I’m a great dresser

by Anonymousreply 154October 21, 2021 3:57 AM

“The WNBA receives enough funding considering its viewership”

by Anonymousreply 155October 21, 2021 8:06 AM

"Patsy Cline? I've never heard of her."

by Anonymousreply 156October 21, 2021 8:09 AM

Nancy Kulp was NOT A DYKE!

by Anonymousreply 157October 21, 2021 12:53 PM

"Get the diet Snapple."

by Anonymousreply 158October 21, 2021 1:21 PM

I’m loath to do home improvements but I really want to remove the deck in the backyard.

by Anonymousreply 159October 21, 2021 2:20 PM

We don't need an entire pickup truck or Jeep for just that.

by Anonymousreply 160October 21, 2021 2:21 PM

"I can't go to the softball game today, I have to get my vag waxed and a mani pedi for tonight's date".

by Anonymousreply 161October 21, 2021 2:38 PM

"Your tongue's too big."

by Anonymousreply 162October 21, 2021 3:19 PM

My BALLS itch.

by Anonymousreply 163October 21, 2021 4:43 PM

R148: Even more deranged than Judith?

by Anonymousreply 164October 21, 2021 5:04 PM

I want him in me deeply

by Anonymousreply 165October 21, 2021 5:08 PM

That was good/great service, I'd like to tip you.

by Anonymousreply 166October 21, 2021 5:16 PM

“I support Pete Buttigieg”

by Anonymousreply 167October 21, 2021 7:19 PM

“ I am Pete buttigieg”

by Anonymousreply 168October 21, 2021 7:26 PM

‘I want Pete Buttigieg in me deeply’

by Anonymousreply 169October 21, 2021 7:36 PM

"I voted for Pete Buttplug. He's a good guy."

by Anonymousreply 170October 21, 2021 7:49 PM

He’s a HOTTIE!

by Anonymousreply 171October 21, 2021 7:52 PM

I need LOTS of new dresses 👗.

by Anonymousreply 172October 21, 2021 7:54 PM

I have anger management issues which are exacerbated by alcohol use disorder.

by Anonymousreply 173October 21, 2021 9:30 PM

"No, sorry I don't have a carabiner. I'm not exactly sure what that actually is"

by Anonymousreply 174October 21, 2021 10:33 PM

I don't have an opinion on that. You'll have to ask my wife.

by Anonymousreply 175October 21, 2021 10:40 PM

Don't plan for the future, live for the day!

by Anonymousreply 176October 22, 2021 1:53 AM

No, your hair cut at the barber is not too short.

by Anonymousreply 177October 22, 2021 1:54 AM

"Mariah wants to move in together already but we've only been dating 1 year...I don't know, I think it's too soon"

by Anonymousreply 178October 22, 2021 1:58 AM

"I spent HOURS on our Christmas decorations."

by Anonymousreply 179October 22, 2021 3:14 AM

“These Peppermint Patty Hummel figurines are too tacky for the living room mantel.”

by Anonymousreply 180October 22, 2021 3:38 AM

I'm going to skip lunch today.

by Anonymousreply 181October 22, 2021 3:42 AM

“Domestic violence is no less bad when it happens between a sam sex couple.”

by Anonymousreply 182October 22, 2021 8:14 AM

OOOOH, my new issue of "Vogue" arrived!

by Anonymousreply 183October 22, 2021 8:25 AM

Let's go shopping for jewelry!

by Anonymousreply 184October 22, 2021 8:34 AM

"I'm applying makeup."

by Anonymousreply 185October 22, 2021 9:21 AM

Does this plaid shirt look too butch?

by Anonymousreply 186October 22, 2021 9:36 AM

"I love beauty pageants"

by Anonymousreply 187October 22, 2021 10:51 AM

"Val, I really like you, but I think we should date for at least 12 months before we think about moving in together."

by Anonymousreply 188October 22, 2021 12:59 PM

I am happy

by Anonymousreply 189October 22, 2021 2:02 PM

“Amber Heard and Ruby Rose both seem like trouble”

by Anonymousreply 190October 22, 2021 2:15 PM

Live and let live.

by Anonymousreply 191October 22, 2021 4:28 PM

I'm sure my illness is all in my head.

by Anonymousreply 192October 22, 2021 4:58 PM

No Dessert for me

by Anonymousreply 193October 22, 2021 7:15 PM

‘Nah, nothing to do with gender or race. That guy is just an asshole’

by Anonymousreply 194October 22, 2021 7:15 PM

No, I don't want to arm-wrestle.

by Anonymousreply 195October 22, 2021 7:39 PM

i can't, I am getting my nails done and then getting my legs waxed

by Anonymousreply 196October 22, 2021 8:09 PM

I'm feeling pretty today!

by Anonymousreply 197October 22, 2021 8:10 PM

I voted for Donald Trump.

by Anonymousreply 198October 22, 2021 10:19 PM

R54 I don't get this one

by Anonymousreply 199October 22, 2021 10:51 PM

R11- I drive a Subaru Crosstrek and I'm not even a Lesbian.

by Anonymousreply 200October 23, 2021 1:42 AM

"Diet Coke and a side salad. Hold the dressing, please."

by Anonymousreply 201October 23, 2021 3:05 AM

r200 But you probably look like one.

by Anonymousreply 202October 23, 2021 3:40 AM

R199, it’s a reference to Dakota Johnson’s interview on the Ellen show.

It was tense and Dakota called her out.

by Anonymousreply 203October 23, 2021 6:12 AM

“I reject the concept of emotional labor”

by Anonymousreply 204October 23, 2021 6:20 AM

“Hillary was a bad candidate”

by Anonymousreply 205October 23, 2021 6:21 AM

“Pink? Melissa Ethridge? Never hear of them.”

by Anonymousreply 206October 23, 2021 6:22 AM

“I don’t mind not being called by my credential.”

by Anonymousreply 207October 23, 2021 7:21 AM

“Men aren’t constantly staring at me”

by Anonymousreply 208October 23, 2021 7:21 AM

(I'm mostly just surprised by the fact that no lesbian has yet come along to inform us that this thread is sooo not funny)

by Anonymousreply 209October 23, 2021 10:33 AM

Oh they have r209 they have in a passive aggressive way they have. You need to read between the lines to find them

by Anonymousreply 210October 23, 2021 10:54 AM

Most of this thread is funny.

There are about 5 where I think the person must not have met a lesbian IRL.

Interruption over, back to trying to make us dykes laugh boys.

by Anonymousreply 211October 23, 2021 11:20 AM

Everyone says I've got a great sense of humor.

by Anonymousreply 212October 23, 2021 12:25 PM

Everyone says I've got a great sense of humor.

by Anonymousreply 213October 23, 2021 12:25 PM

"It's just a rough patch. I can white knuckle it."

by Anonymousreply 214October 23, 2021 12:28 PM

“Cut or uncut?”

by Anonymousreply 215October 23, 2021 12:39 PM

"I'd like to speak to the manager!"

by Anonymousreply 216October 23, 2021 1:13 PM

‘Top or bottom ?‘

by Anonymousreply 217October 23, 2021 3:08 PM

A Ford F150? Why would I ever have use for a truck? I'd much prefer something cute and fun like a convertible Mini Cooper.

by Anonymousreply 218October 23, 2021 4:00 PM

Oh, r209, you get ignored everyday in real life. I'm not going to spoil your trolling on DL, of it gives you a little thrill

by Anonymousreply 219October 23, 2021 4:10 PM

I don’t see any trolling here.

by Anonymousreply 220October 23, 2021 5:18 PM

"Excuse me, Sir. I'm not familiar with that. Could you please explain that to me?"

by Anonymousreply 221October 23, 2021 7:58 PM

“I have no triggers. Feel free to say anything around me.”

by Anonymousreply 222October 23, 2021 9:04 PM

"I think women owe it to men to listen to their problems and support them once in a while".

by Anonymousreply 223October 23, 2021 9:14 PM

I go by Miss, not Ms.

by Anonymousreply 224October 24, 2021 1:44 AM

I love this shade of lipstick

by Anonymousreply 225October 24, 2021 4:48 AM

"I like gay men [without qualification]"

by Anonymousreply 226October 24, 2021 8:49 AM

"That cocktail dress is SO last season."

by Anonymousreply 227October 24, 2021 2:14 PM

no I didn't major in Woman's Studies

by Anonymousreply 228October 24, 2021 4:54 PM

I prefer fuck me pumps over Crocs.

by Anonymousreply 229October 24, 2021 5:09 PM

That cock looks yummy!

by Anonymousreply 230October 24, 2021 5:10 PM

I don't get the point of having pets. Why would I want a shit machine to feed and clean up after? And why a rescue? If someone dumped it off somewhere there's obviously something wrong with it!

by Anonymousreply 231October 24, 2021 9:46 PM

"Honey, did you use my Clinique Pore Refining Solutions Charcoal Face Mask?"

by Anonymousreply 232October 24, 2021 9:48 PM

I was a cheerleader in high school

by Anonymousreply 233October 24, 2021 10:22 PM

R233 Except there are many lesbian cheerleaders.

by Anonymousreply 234October 24, 2021 10:39 PM

"I lost 7 pounds this month!"

by Anonymousreply 235October 24, 2021 11:24 PM

" Why can't lesbians be as good with their money as gay men"

by Anonymousreply 236October 24, 2021 11:50 PM

I'm more of a cat person.

by Anonymousreply 237October 24, 2021 11:55 PM

R237 That makes no sense. Lesbians are more of a cat persons.

by Anonymousreply 238October 25, 2021 12:01 AM

"Let's become a throuple...with a man!"

by Anonymousreply 239October 25, 2021 12:03 AM

Butch lesbians go for dogs. Femme ones go for cats.

by Anonymousreply 240October 25, 2021 12:03 AM

I don’t need to tell you now. When the situation arises, we can discuss it then.

by Anonymousreply 241October 25, 2021 12:04 AM

"Have another beer, Val. You're cute when you're drunk."

by Anonymousreply 242October 25, 2021 12:10 AM

Does he present hole?

by Anonymousreply 243October 25, 2021 1:22 AM

Hey where can I get some poppers and lube ?

by Anonymousreply 244October 25, 2021 1:39 AM

Are you on PReP?

by Anonymousreply 245October 25, 2021 3:06 AM

Is that a hair in my pie?

by Anonymousreply 246October 25, 2021 3:23 AM

Turn off that wnba game.

by Anonymousreply 247October 25, 2021 5:17 AM

"I'm saving for a new mink coat"

by Anonymousreply 248October 25, 2021 9:42 AM

"Val, I'm leaving you for a woman with a penis."

by Anonymousreply 249October 25, 2021 1:34 PM

"It's perfectly reasonable you didn't know what was going through my mind at that time."

by Anonymousreply 250October 25, 2021 1:53 PM

I had my color chart done

by Anonymousreply 251October 25, 2021 3:00 PM

I just had Jiffy Lube change my oil this time.

by Anonymousreply 252October 25, 2021 4:25 PM

This summer, I had vagina rejuvenation done...next week I have by boobs done

by Anonymousreply 253October 25, 2021 4:46 PM

Does my pussy STINK?

by Anonymousreply 254October 25, 2021 5:10 PM

No, I don't keep up relationships with all my exes and go out with them and their partners all the time. That would be a little silly.

by Anonymousreply 255October 25, 2021 5:16 PM

"I fantasize about men watching me and my gf have sex all the time, somehow it makes it even hotter"

by Anonymousreply 256October 25, 2021 5:21 PM

I never heard of Jodie Foster.

by Anonymousreply 257October 25, 2021 5:33 PM

That’s funny!

by Anonymousreply 258October 25, 2021 5:37 PM

I'm actually wondering if you might have a gown a little more low-cut.

by Anonymousreply 259October 25, 2021 5:39 PM

What a sad spectacle Sara made of herself twirling her tacky vagina cape.

by Anonymousreply 260October 25, 2021 6:15 PM

I hate nutloaf.

by Anonymousreply 261October 25, 2021 6:40 PM

I hate patchouli.

by Anonymousreply 262October 25, 2021 6:44 PM

"Just put the tip in."

by Anonymousreply 263October 25, 2021 10:42 PM

I love my body

by Anonymousreply 264October 26, 2021 12:57 AM

i have a lot of gay men as friends

by Anonymousreply 265October 26, 2021 12:58 AM

"I just hate short hair on women"

by Anonymousreply 266October 26, 2021 2:41 AM

I swallow.

by Anonymousreply 267October 26, 2021 2:45 AM

Have you seen this month's Vogue magazine?

by Anonymousreply 268October 26, 2021 2:52 AM

"Cherchez la femme."

by Anonymousreply 269October 26, 2021 3:36 AM

R258 Yeah, that's why there's so many lesbian comedians. Makes sense.

by Anonymousreply 270October 26, 2021 10:37 AM

That guy is so hot.

by Anonymousreply 271October 26, 2021 1:07 PM

Gotta go, I'm late for my barre class!

by Anonymousreply 272October 26, 2021 2:03 PM

And none of them are funny R270. And don’t throw Rosie or Ellen in the mix. Neither of them are funny.

by Anonymousreply 273October 26, 2021 2:07 PM

I'm thinking of going back to my husband.

by Anonymousreply 274October 26, 2021 2:14 PM

"Do these yoga pants make me look fat?"

by Anonymousreply 275October 26, 2021 2:15 PM

"I want in Miss Lindzee Belle's panties."

by Anonymousreply 276October 26, 2021 2:35 PM

There are a lot more successful lesbian comics than there are gay male comics, r273. So, obviously the public disagrees with you. In fact, I can't think of any successful gay male comics. The few there are, are all awful.

by Anonymousreply 277October 26, 2021 2:41 PM

patti labelle slapped me!

by Anonymousreply 278October 26, 2021 2:42 PM

If you don’t find anyone on the below list funny, perhaps the humorless lesbian is you R273.

(Apologies that the picture is Ellen, I know you might need a trigger warning on that.)

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 279October 26, 2021 2:48 PM

R277 nobody’s talking about gay male comics here so why make the comparison?

by Anonymousreply 280October 26, 2021 2:49 PM

I’m Not a lez R279 and your belaboring the point makes it obvious you are.

by Anonymousreply 281October 26, 2021 2:50 PM

Ironic how what is supposed to be a COMEDIC thread that has been running pretty smoothly until now gets contentious with a elderlez becoming offended by a post implying lesbians are humourless. Tell me I am not alone in seeing the irony....

by Anonymousreply 282October 26, 2021 2:59 PM

[quote] [R277] nobody’s talking about gay male comics here so why make the comparison?

It's an obvious comparison and it's fun. It's clear you can dish it out, but can't take it.

by Anonymousreply 283October 26, 2021 3:00 PM

Things You Will Never Hear a Lesbian Say...

A genuinely funny joke.

by Anonymousreply 284October 26, 2021 3:01 PM

r282 cries homophobia every time a gay male isn't exalted and thinks lesbians are not allowed to defend themselves.

by Anonymousreply 285October 26, 2021 3:03 PM

Some of these are hysterical.

by Anonymousreply 286October 26, 2021 3:04 PM

Gay men are extremely sexist against gay women. Never had this level of contempt from anyone outside of gay men. I wonder why that is.

by Anonymousreply 287October 26, 2021 3:12 PM

Ladies, calm down.

by Anonymousreply 288October 26, 2021 3:13 PM

Some of them are hysterical, even the R258 response is kind of funny in a heard it a million times before way.

R273 may be a man, but I am knighting him an honorary humorless lesbian. I am sorry if he can’t take a joke and is offended by my calling him that. But I do really mean it in good fun. Anyway please keep working on your material.

by Anonymousreply 289October 26, 2021 3:20 PM

R279 ElderLez, on the list, Fortune Feimster was from Gastonia, NC. Two friends of mine in the town knew her. She is well-educated and quite diverse in talent. I understand she is a very nice person.

by Anonymousreply 290October 26, 2021 3:23 PM

Sorry, I just don't see the humor in this. Most of these don't even make any sense. And gay men flip out over the slightest comparison to women and femininity, so obviously it's not in good fun, and they hate women. It's derisive and mean. People can tell the difference between good fun and derisive, mean-spirited "humor". Except certain lesbians who are trying to fit in apparently.

by Anonymousreply 291October 26, 2021 3:27 PM

How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

...oh, nevermind.

by Anonymousreply 292October 26, 2021 3:41 PM

"Thank you."

by Anonymousreply 293October 26, 2021 5:20 PM

R273 I never said they were funny, just that there are many lesbian comedians. So the person that I was replying to who said we never heard a lesbian say: "This is funny" was wrong. That is all.

by Anonymousreply 294October 26, 2021 5:24 PM

And meanwhile, a bunch of gay guys "canceling" Dave Chappelle for jokes. Take a look in the mirror, guys.

by Anonymousreply 295October 26, 2021 5:27 PM

Actually, R295, it's the trannies who are cancelling Chappelle. The gays don't give a shit.

by Anonymousreply 296October 26, 2021 5:31 PM

Almost 300 replies before it got ruined by a stinky pussy

by Anonymousreply 297October 26, 2021 5:50 PM

Fuck me raw

by Anonymousreply 298October 26, 2021 6:15 PM

Lighten up, girls.

by Anonymousreply 299October 26, 2021 6:15 PM

I want him in me DEEPLY.

by Anonymousreply 300October 26, 2021 6:22 PM

All these recent posts confirm mine at R258. All y’all are a bunch of humorless bitches.

by Anonymousreply 301October 26, 2021 7:02 PM

Flannel is unflattering on women.

by Anonymousreply 302October 27, 2021 12:19 AM

Pass the poppers.

by Anonymousreply 303October 27, 2021 12:25 AM

I think gay men are just the right amount of promiscuous.

by Anonymousreply 304October 27, 2021 12:32 AM

I like soft feminine ladies

by Anonymousreply 305October 27, 2021 12:33 AM

"Mani pedi? My treat!"

by Anonymousreply 306October 27, 2021 1:58 AM

Turn off Good Morning America !!!! I Can't Stand Robin Roberts !!!

by Anonymousreply 307October 27, 2021 4:14 AM

Jodie Foster is such a turn off

by Anonymousreply 308October 27, 2021 6:56 AM

I am 100% sure Cate Blanchett is 100% straight and it's useless to speculate otherwise.

by Anonymousreply 309October 27, 2021 7:03 AM

I don't want to have sex with Demi Lovato.

by Anonymousreply 310October 27, 2021 4:06 PM

Tom Cruise is still sexy

by Anonymousreply 311October 27, 2021 4:53 PM

I love a hard, hairy, throbbing, pulsing, veiny uncut dick!

by Anonymousreply 312October 27, 2021 8:28 PM

Move in together? This is only our third date!

by Anonymousreply 313October 27, 2021 8:29 PM

I HATE Subarus.

by Anonymousreply 314October 27, 2021 9:46 PM

Birkenstocks ? who wears those ?

by Anonymousreply 315October 28, 2021 1:26 AM

“I’ll pay!”

by Anonymousreply 316October 28, 2021 6:09 AM

Get that thing away from me!!!

by Anonymousreply 317October 28, 2021 6:11 AM

my partner and I never fight

by Anonymousreply 318October 28, 2021 3:58 PM

I love to laugh

by Anonymousreply 319October 28, 2021 4:47 PM

I always have a positive outlook

by Anonymousreply 320October 28, 2021 4:56 PM

^ Lesbians will say those last few things. They’re not true, but they’ll say them.

by Anonymousreply 321October 28, 2021 4:58 PM

I hate bread pudding!

by Anonymousreply 322October 29, 2021 12:16 AM

The 80s were less conservative than today

by Anonymousreply 323October 29, 2021 5:54 AM

Live, Laugh, Love

by Anonymousreply 324October 29, 2021 9:52 AM

Gay men have things worse than lesbians

by Anonymousreply 325October 29, 2021 9:55 AM

“I would LOVE your advice!”

by Anonymousreply 326October 29, 2021 11:04 AM

“Just because it turns me on to pretend I’m a man and some are dim enough to think acting according to stereotypes means they ‘are’ male, I’m not actually a man or boy”.

by Anonymousreply 327October 29, 2021 11:20 AM

I smell cookies!

by Anonymousreply 328October 30, 2021 12:38 AM

He has a BEAUTIFUL ass.

by Anonymousreply 329October 30, 2021 2:15 AM

I know I'm one of them, but women are such dogs!

by Anonymousreply 330October 30, 2021 2:20 AM

"I'm just so dizzy when it comes to math!"

by Anonymousreply 331October 31, 2021 3:51 PM

"I'll pick up the tab."

by Anonymousreply 332October 31, 2021 6:16 PM

That Lindsey Senator is so macho.

by Anonymousreply 333October 31, 2021 7:23 PM

Birkenstock’s are ugly and uncomfortable.

by Anonymousreply 334November 1, 2021 11:49 PM

I hate Oprah

I hate Hillary

I hate Gloria Steinem

by Anonymousreply 335November 2, 2021 12:34 AM

I have close friends that are trans

by Anonymousreply 336November 2, 2021 12:35 AM

"I am having a butt lift then a makeover."

by Anonymousreply 337November 2, 2021 1:21 AM

"My vacation will be spent at Fire Island".

by Anonymousreply 338November 2, 2021 1:22 AM

This should be titled stereotypical lesbians

by Anonymousreply 339November 2, 2021 1:35 AM

"I'm proud to be a coal miner's daughter!"

by Anonymousreply 340November 2, 2021 1:55 AM

[quote]That Lindsey Senator is so macho.

To be fair, you will never hear ANYONE say that.

by Anonymousreply 341November 2, 2021 2:07 AM

"we could learn a lot from gay men"

by Anonymousreply 342November 2, 2021 11:47 AM

U-Haul? Never heard of it.

by Anonymousreply 343November 2, 2021 2:05 PM

I bet he's WELL HUNG.

by Anonymousreply 344November 2, 2021 2:12 PM

"I can't twist the lid off this pickle jar!"

by Anonymousreply 345November 2, 2021 2:53 PM

i hired a handyman

by Anonymousreply 346November 2, 2021 3:23 PM

(To any man) Would you be so helpful as to explain this to me?*

by Anonymousreply 347November 2, 2021 6:20 PM

"I wish men would come into this lesbian bar"

by Anonymousreply 348November 2, 2021 9:32 PM

Softball is boring.

by Anonymousreply 349November 2, 2021 9:40 PM

"No, I don't need fries with that."

by Anonymousreply 350November 2, 2021 9:41 PM

small size please

by Anonymousreply 351November 2, 2021 10:53 PM

"I can't wait for bikini season!"

by Anonymousreply 352November 2, 2021 10:54 PM

“Look at the cock on him”.

by Anonymousreply 353November 2, 2021 11:20 PM

Now dats da suck job!

by Anonymousreply 354November 2, 2021 11:24 PM

I absolutely love the sweet creamy taste of cum on my tongue.

by Anonymousreply 355November 2, 2021 11:30 PM

R355 Ummm, women's cum?

by Anonymousreply 356November 2, 2021 11:54 PM

Are my seams straight?

by Anonymousreply 357November 3, 2021 12:46 AM

"Does this tractor make me look fat?"

by Anonymousreply 358November 3, 2021 2:52 AM

I love that show!

Is their a cartoon version?

by Anonymousreply 359November 6, 2021 5:34 AM

“What do you think? The Louboutins or the Jimmy Choos?”

by Anonymousreply 360November 6, 2021 5:48 AM

I am such a size queen!

by Anonymousreply 361November 6, 2021 11:52 AM

I'm considering getting hair extensions.

by Anonymousreply 362November 6, 2021 11:55 AM

"Val, I'm learning a lot in those Anger Management classes. "

by Anonymousreply 363November 6, 2021 3:13 PM

[quote]Is their a cartoon version?

Oh, dear.

by Anonymousreply 364November 6, 2021 9:58 PM

"Val, this restraining order is a real wake up call. I need to get a handle on my jealousy issues."

by Anonymousreply 365November 6, 2021 10:10 PM

Condoleezza Rice isn't a lesbian.

by Anonymousreply 366November 15, 2021 4:33 AM

That U Haul truck rental is too expensive.

by Anonymousreply 367November 15, 2021 4:40 AM

I’m going out and not going to start a fight with someone.

by Anonymousreply 368November 15, 2021 4:42 AM

"Date within my friend group?! Bleugh!"

by Anonymousreply 369November 15, 2021 4:47 AM

"check out his bulge"

by Anonymousreply 370November 15, 2021 12:00 PM

"I wish we had more men in our lives"

by Anonymousreply 371November 15, 2021 12:02 PM

Tractor pulls are boring!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 372November 15, 2021 1:40 PM

The Dorothy Hamill haircut is dated.

by Anonymousreply 373November 15, 2021 7:35 PM

"Does this tool belt make me look fat?"

by Anonymousreply 374November 15, 2021 7:47 PM

The mullet is out of style. Can we look at newer hairstyles?

by Anonymousreply 375November 15, 2021 8:59 PM

I used to be a prostitute.

by Anonymousreply 376November 15, 2021 9:32 PM

R376 Aileen Wuornos?

by Anonymousreply 377November 15, 2021 10:39 PM

I've had enough to drink.

by Anonymousreply 378November 16, 2021 1:22 AM

None for me. I'm on a diet.

by Anonymousreply 379November 16, 2021 2:18 AM

What makes Italian men SO hot?

by Anonymousreply 380November 16, 2021 2:38 AM

No more nutloaf!

by Anonymousreply 381November 16, 2021 4:12 AM

"Let's face it: trans women know exactly how cis women experience the world."

by Anonymousreply 382November 16, 2021 4:20 AM

I just want to have sex and go to sleep. Discussing our feelings about it afterwards isn’t necessary.

by Anonymousreply 383November 16, 2021 4:23 AM

Can you open this jar for me?

by Anonymousreply 384November 16, 2021 5:50 AM

What's a tool box for?

by Anonymousreply 385November 16, 2021 5:58 AM

“I don’t know how to set up a tent.”

by Anonymousreply 386November 16, 2021 6:03 AM

"I'm sorry."

by Anonymousreply 387November 16, 2021 6:57 AM

Wanna check out Daddy1965's hole?

by Anonymousreply 388November 16, 2021 5:20 PM

[quote] Things You Will Never Hear a Lesbian Say

I just love this thread, it is just hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 389November 16, 2021 5:25 PM

Miss Lindsey is hot!

by Anonymousreply 390November 16, 2021 5:28 PM

Ere long done do does did

by Anonymousreply 391November 16, 2021 5:30 PM

Keeping Up with the Kardashians is my favorite show.

by Anonymousreply 392November 16, 2021 5:30 PM

I got Caitlyn Jenner's autograph.

by Anonymousreply 393November 16, 2021 5:31 PM

" I hate onion dip"

by Anonymousreply 394November 17, 2021 9:39 AM

"Hold the mayo".

by Anonymousreply 395November 17, 2021 2:13 PM

I have never been to therapy

by Anonymousreply 396November 18, 2021 1:36 AM

Lilith Fair was hell on earth.

by Anonymousreply 397November 18, 2021 1:40 AM

My front hole itches.

by Anonymousreply 398November 18, 2021 1:41 AM

🚨🚨EMERGENCY 🚨🚨 THIS IS NOT A DRILL 🚨🚨 The Ryan Phillippe Dick Pics Have Leaked!! 🚨🚨

!!! OMG His Dick Pics Leaks !!!

Is a 7-inch dick considered big?

by Anonymousreply 399November 18, 2021 1:56 AM

Beaver Moon? Who Cares?

by Anonymousreply 400November 18, 2021 1:38 PM

I LOVE the shape of a mans ass.

by Anonymousreply 401November 18, 2021 2:25 PM

Of course you may eat my muff, it is freshly shaved.

by Anonymousreply 402November 18, 2021 2:48 PM

R402- That's certainly something a gay male wouldn't be into- ewww

by Anonymousreply 403November 18, 2021 3:01 PM

R403 You think, ya stupid cuntbag.

by Anonymousreply 404November 18, 2021 3:10 PM
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