Subtle yet unmistakable signs someone has a personality disorder

Posts on DL.

Believing anything on DL.

Is a princess, first name Diana

When you meet someone for the first time, either a new neighbor or co-worker at a new job, and they immediately start bad mouthing other people.

They're way too eager to get close to you way too fast. They're super charming and cool and nice and generous. And then suddenly they say or do something shockingly cold or rude, and then switch immediately back to being the super charmer. And that right there is the single most telling indicator that you're dealing with a disordered personality: the feeling of total confusion about who this person is and how you feel about them.

Unfortunately, pretty much every comedy and romance coming out of Hollywood features a lead character who acts like this and is presented as the ultimate desirable friend/love object, so you're likely to default to seeing them through the lens of a movie or TV show in which somebody acts like this and it all turns out all right, rather than saying "There's something wrong here" and backing off, which is what I'd advise you to do when you run into somebody like this.

[quote]A female who doesn't have any female friends.

Yeah, that's a big tell. Women tend to be much more convivial than men and even introverted women will have one or two friends they hang out with, unless they've burned through them all and nobody's speaking to them anymore.

They frequent your house way too much just after meeting you

Alienating family, airing family business to the press and moving to California

[quote]They're super charming and cool and nice and generous. And then suddenly they say or do something shockingly cold or rude, and then switch immediately back to being the super charmer. And that right there is the single most telling indicator that you're dealing with a disordered personality: the feeling of total confusion about who this person is and how you feel about them.

Yes. This woman I work with.

They have a chronic disabling disease that mysteriously gets better when they want to do something.

Boys becoming men—men becoming wolves.

Dumb, unnecessary, easily disprovable lies.

People who try to paint themselves as a victim as soon as you meet them

They literally mail shit to their enemies.

Has friends only from work, or no friends from work. Closest friends are very recent. Speaks to none of their exes.

Has more than one tattoo.

They display a Trump 2024 flag in their front yard.

Their children don't speak to them.

R10 Or a long-ago diagnosed disorder that requires a prop that's always on-hand but never used, the years-old expired asthma inhaler or a bottle of Xanax with the label worn off.

Displays a swastika on their person but claims it’s not what it looks like and is actually a symbol of divinity and spirituality

Having no friends from work seems sane to me.

[quote] Women tend to be much more convivial than men and even introverted women will have one or two friends they hang out with, unless they've burned through them all and nobody's speaking to them anymore.

OP/R6 well, I was unlucky enough to fall ill and then become extremely depressed—not the celebrity “I was a bit sad and letdown over a breakdown” shit, but the serious type, locked in a dark room crying and not contacting anyone or eating or bathing for days and weeks at a time—in high-school and college, and so lost the handful of good close longterm friends I had from young (as an introvert, I didn’t have that many to start with) via a pretty brutal dumping on their part. They all chose to stop speaking to me and walk away, I had no part in that decision. And I get it, I respect it, no hard feelings—they had their own new exciting post-school lives to lead, and didn’t want my darkness and difficulties dragging them down or holding them back.

Now it’s several years on from my University graduation, and though since then I’ve been steadily working to recover my physical and mental health (it’s a slow arduous agonising process), and I’m in a much better and even functional place now, ultimately I haven’t been able to manage to build a consistent social life, or even a friendly relationship with anyone outside family (I’m close to my siblings). Because, newsflash, people are judgmental, and only get more so with age—anyone seen to be hanging out with someone not the picture of wellness and success (even superficially) risks becoming a pariah too. No one wants to go there. I try my best to hide all my problems going in to relationships, but it’s like I always get found out.

So yeah, looks like I’ll be in my 30s soon, and it is likely I will not have any close friends by that point (male or female), let alone a partner. Going by experience, I expect judgement and suspicion from all corners over this, whether from people gay or straight. But I can’t help that, or change what’s happened, or pretend that my situation is any different. I hate this cliched thought-ender, but it really “is what it is. The best I can do is work toward creating new strong lasting friendships for when I’m in my 40s & 50s or beyond (Golden Girls style!). Can’t dwell and live in the past.

Lives that move from one catastrophe to the next

They tell you that you remind them of a long dead family remember that they were very close to, then try to glom onto you and and try to become part of your family. Inviting themselves to family functions, posting your family pics on their social media, talking about family memories as if they were there.

A history of initiating lawsuits, as well as a fear of being sued, are red flags for narcissistic personality disorder.

Is Donald Trump

r24 is oddly specific

Interpersonal paranoia

A woman whose wedding is attended by hundreds of strangers and her own mother.

And I did warn my brother.

I went to school with a woman who'd always find a way to tie anything into her horrible mother. We could be talking about Schindler's List and she'd be like "you know who was worse than Hitler? My mother." I'm not doubting that she went through some shit, but I really do think she thought it made her more interesting.

R18 or their kids emigrate with their own family/partner to the literal other side of the world and don’t come back.

The way my Uncles moved with my cousins (their kids) to New Zealand twenty years ago just to get away from my toxic manipulative bitter grandmother, and I haven’t seen them since.

People who constantly text to stay in touch. "What's up?" "How was your Monday?" "Did you ever start watching Ted Lasso?" LEAVE ME ALONE, STALKER

There are a wide range of disordered personalities. The borderline seems like what most posters are describing, but the antisocial personality disorder is someone who lacks empathy and will dodge the rules for their own ends. If you've seen many of these, they've sometimes spent time in prison. Some have never been caught. Above average intelligence isn't a hallmark of the personality disorder, but those with antisocial personality disorder typically have above average IQs.

According to a psychologist friend, many clinicians develop a sixth sense about interacting with borderlines. It feels like a sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach, he said.

My apartment building is new, so we are all tenants on our first year of lease. I've encountered a nuclear family of husband, wife, boy and girl (teens), a few times. The guy is very outgoing in a bluff and hearty way, but the wife and kids strike me as almost downright antisocial, consciously avoiding interaction with most other people. I could be mistaken, but I'm coming around to the idea that in private the guy is quite domineering, so that the three of them are psychologically cowed.

R15:

Gets mad when you don't text them back right away.

Thinks nothing of texting paragraphs before you can respond.

You see her out at a sleazy bar wearing a red wig, flirting with all the guys, and calling herself Niki Smith.

They want to be my friend.

R27 a guy I worked with. Claimed I was "just like his brother" and tried very hard to get involved with me and my family to the point that it felt like he was stalking us.

How did you get rid of him r40?

R20 That's not subtle but it is unmistakable.

A duplicitous friend / coworker . A person who loves to lie about accomplishments. A person who is estranged from entire family is a huge 🚩

[quote]A person who is estranged from entire family is a huge

I disagree with this because many gays are disowned.

Not due to homophobia r44

Asks you to respect their pronouns.

What about coworkers who constantly talk about themselves and the “upper-management” they’re “friends” with?

They donate a kidney and then have the audacity to invite their much more talented and famous writer friends to join their private facebook group about it. How pathetic and nuts can you get!

Externalizing blame is a major indicator of certain personality disorders. People who do this are best avoided even if they don't meet the diagnostic threshold for a personality disorder because they tend to be abusive and nothing is ever their fault.

Befriend anyone with BPD, wait about one month, then try counting how many times they've asked 'How are you doing?"

They enjoy nothing more than asking people to diagnose other people’s psychiatric problems.

They don't relate - they infiltrate. They'd had an agenda before they ever said hello. They like everything you like, but not really. The big tell - they share details of some childhood or later trauma to a) invoke feelings of sympathy in you and b) to get you to open up about your personal life as well. All the while, they're building a mental dossier on you because in the end they want control over the association or "friendship". Alas, there are those among us who simply cannot be fooled by such stealthily administered attacks, and it most certainly is an attack!

I was raised around this kind of thing and am pretty good at detecting it.

Whatever you do, don't let them know that you know. They'll come for you like the real killer does after Jessica in the final act of many Murder, She Wrotes.

R49, I know someone like this. She’s pretty mendacious.

When you call your sister and several friends and they all say, "Guess who I heard from."

Lovebombing is a huge red flag. Normal people don't smother you with approval and attention straight off: That's how cults work.

I read a really good book on sociopathy, and they said one of the biggest signs of sociopathy is a pattern of lying interspersed with begging for sympathy.

They react angrily to any criticism, and view any such comments as personal attacks. Any future interactions with people like this after their perceived slights will be pointless.

If they have a white collar career (as opposed to artistic or shift work), a pattern of constantly switching jobs every few months, and always because people at the old job were conspiring against them.

Social boundary pushing - not just not picking up on subtle social clues, but running through them. If they’re texting you heavily, so you start waiting to reply and not replying as much, they will just keep escalating (texting more and more often, calling to ask why you didn’t reply, and then showing up in person) instead of taking the hint.

They boil your bunny.

R36. That's not what I meant, but thanks. 'Speaks to' ≠ 'friends with.'

Also: Business Insider is a nope.

If they went through childhood abandonment.

R41 the last straw was when he showed up at my parents house to visit them. My father didn't know him from Adam and told him to go away and closed the door on his face. I tore into him at work the next day. He eventuality got the hint and left us alone. Not sure what his issue was; mental or emotional.

Has a wife and kid and a housekeeper who all died under "mysterious circumstances"

I think it's actually the other way around OP

R32, it sounds like you have the problem. That’s common friend behavior and something I would deem normal.

You DL'ers better not be claiming I have a personality disorder. I own a gun!! FUCK YOU ALL!!!

R49 is my cuntastic mother, and R52 is my (thankfully) former sister-in-law. I believe the non-technical term is "bat-shit crazy."

[quote]When you meet someone for the first time, either a new neighbor or co-worker at a new job, and they immediately start bad mouthing other people.

I think that depends on how you define "personality disorder"; I have a co-worker who recently did this very thing, but I think it's more about immaturity, stupidity and the warped idea that this somehow makes him seem important (by putting down others). Actually, it gave me w worse opinion of my supervisor who did nothing to stop it & just sort of tuned it out because I'm sure she'd heard it a 100 times before.

Again, I wouldn't define this as a personality disorder, but someone who immediately tells you all sorts of personal stuff: dramas, health issues, etc. likely has some significant emotional issues that you show slowly, but carefully back away from

The internet has some weird math. Everyone knows someone with a personality disorder, but no one has a personality disorder themselves.

I think women will do that thing where they start shit-talking others immediately because they sometimes think it builds a bond and they're trying to make a friend out of you. In their eyes, divulging a secret and creating a unity together is a gesture of friendship. I think it's psycho, though. This is just an explanation, I think. I've wondered why people do it, too.

I used to work in the mental health field and had experience with a variety of the Axis II disorders. The one thing that typified all of them is that the patients seemed to have more energy than the rest of the people in the room put together. Their attempts to get needs met through manipulation were unrelenting and exhausting. I worked at a residential short term treatment facility, two weeks max, with up to six patients. I was just out of college with little life experience. By the end of a shift, my jaw would be clenched from the stress, particularly if there were multiple Axis IIs in the house at once.

One of my friends had Robert Spitzer as his therapist. Spitzer was the head of the committee that put together the DSM III-R. Spitzer said that part of the clinical lore is that if a you find yourself becoming angry with a patient, s/he might have a PD.

When you, the psychiatrist, are told that "no other doctor has helped me like you have" and so on.

In a few weeks, months or a few years, this patient will turn on you, accuse you of trying to kill them and try to sue you. Pathognomonic for Borderline PD.

Another variation is the occasional message I get on my office vm: " I need a new psychiatrist. No psychiatrist has ever been able to help me". I just delete such messages, as I am unlikely to be of help where so many else have failed.

[quote] A female.

Fixed that for you, OP.

A certain female former news anchor who writes a book throwing everyone under the bus, only to have it reveal the her true personality.

Nah, Katie lacks the fragility and fear of rejection that is always present in borderlines.

She is a mix of antisocial and narcissistic PD.

🤡 Dyes their hair orange and buys out the entire stock of Coppertone QT Self Tanning Lotion on eBay and Amazon.

So vhat I haff no gurlfriends, OP ?

Yoo culling me crayzee beetch ?

R77 Just because he buys it, doesn’t mean he’ll actually pay the bill. Rather he’d drag it through court until they say fuck you.

They work as a Realtor

They see everything in black and white, someone is either the greatest person alive, or the worst person ever. There is never any in between. If they deem you the worst person ever, they will do everything in their power to make your life miserable so it is best to steer clear because something very innocuous can make them turn on you.

"I. Don't. Like. DRAAAAAA-MMMMMAA-AAAAA!"

R82 So tired! TIRED OF ALL THIS DRAMA! 😫

Inappropriate oversharing (ex/telling you they were molested) during initial interactions.

[quote] They see everything in black and white, someone is either the greatest person alive, or the worst person ever. There is never any in between. If they deem you the worst person ever, they will do everything in their power to make your life miserable so it is best to steer clear because something very innocuous can make them turn on you.

This is actually the best indicator I've yet found.

People in the psychotherapy profession call this mental behavior "splitting," and in my experience it almost always correlates with Cluster-B types.

Tattooing the name of their significant other on themselves

[quote] Tattooing the name of their significant other on themselves

Check!

R72 Were these mostly cluster B types?

What PD do 80% of attorneys have? Is it called Asshole Personality Disorder?

R81, borderlines, narcissists and aspergers.

R57, narcissists and Aspies

R82 I've long learned to stay away from people who feel the need to announce how "laid back" they are, or how "they're not into drama."

R87 IIRC, Johnny altered the tattoo to say "Wino forever."

He also got a crappy pinup tat of his ex Amber Turd as well as her nickname, Slim, tattooed on his knuckles. He altered the "Slim" tattoo to say "Scum" but IDK what he did with the pinup tattoo.

Depp Is a borderline satanist

Amber Heard was no "Slim". What a fuckin poseur.

I tend to notice 'something' around their eyes. I hate to sound so homespun but there it is.

What do you notice.

Eyes speak volumes . There’s usually an intensity in stare with a hostile look.

R96, it's like a luminescent quality. Almost attractive, but I'd compare it to foxfire or marsh lights. Something that can lead you to your doom.

Glittery, too bright, too intense. I wish I could be more exact.

If you bitches can't handle me at my worst then you certainly don't deserve me at my best!

In my experience people with serious personality disorders don't blink - especially when they are first tring to figure out if they can manipulate you. You (as potential target) will also get the feeling they are trying to read you.

A lot of borderlines and narcissists will tell you they are bipolar . It’s a get out of jail Card .

Shit, I recognize lot of the above in myself!

R98/R95 imo it’s also possible to tell when someone lacks empathy, is deeply and intrinsically depressed beyond all hope of recovery, or has sustained extensive soul damage, just from looking at their eyes.

There’s a dead, dull ‘flatness’, there; opposite to your engaging profile of a BPD. Idk how to describe it better, but I know it when I see it—maybe because my dad has it (mean phobic Aspie who was a victim of child abuse/neglect and fostered out).

Person, woman, man, camera, TV.

R94, haha I'm glad I'm not the only one who took exception!

Christ, I'm never befriending anyone ever again!

They ask overly personal, invasive questions upon initial meeting. When given a general answer, they double down and persist with their questions wanting details, they don't back off as any normal personal would do. They act like police detectives.

They breathe in and out.

R50 - why is "How are you doing?" a problem? My bipolar ex messages once a week and that's his usual greeting via messenger. It's usually followed by a link to an article of mutual interest, some pics, etc. If he says "Hi J, hope you are ok", I know it will be followed by a request for advice. It's rarely anything other than mundane things like a recommendation for a good barber in some neighborhood, a good brand of iron skillets, etc. I can tell he's a bit manic when my answer to a link he sends is followed by a whole editorial on the subject and several comments.

Being in a long term relationship with a psychopath is usually a sign that the person is a sociopath lite. Despite the lifetime movie stereotype of the innocent and befuddled partner, like tends to attract like. Note that I say " tends to". There are undoubtedly exceptions to the rule . Noticing this pattern is one of the reasons I could never get behind the silly Free Melana BS.

When someone doesn't respect boundaries, that's my red flag.

When someone bullies children or bickers with them as if they are the child’s peer. Gets their ego very tied up in how the child “treats” them.

I don’t know which personality disorder this behavior corresponds to. Probably narcissism. But I’ve known 3 or 4 people in my life this applies to and they’ve all turned out to be big time bunny boilers.

R110, wasn’t there some study that showed narcissistic females tend to end up with sociopathic males?

R113 I hadn't heard of that study but based on what I've seen anecdotally I can definitely believe it.

R24 I know a woman like that. She regularly posts pics of someone else's baby on FB and Instagram and doesn't tag the parents. She's literally stealing the baby's pics for attention and "likes". This woman is also an emergency room addict. (As well as a drug addict and alcoholic). Every 3 months or so, the has an "accident" and has to have surgery, be in a cast of some kind, etc. She posts multiple pictures and updates of herself in the hospital, close-ups of her cast and injury. She has Munchausen, but not by proxy. She also posted several videos and shots of herself crying when her dog died recently. Very Chrissy Teigen.

R98

Almost attractive, but I'd compare it to foxfire or marsh lights. Something that can lead you to your doom.

M A R Y !

Sounds a lot like a true crime novel I read, R115.

R103 That is one of the reasons I have long believed that bpd is fundamentally a disorder of aggression rather than just a trauma response. A lot of people who are severely abused or damaged become completely lifeless behind the eyes and worn out but BPDs never lose that spark in their eyes and seem to have , as another poster commented upthread, almost boundless energy. BPDs sure love to talk about how damaged they are but they don't seem completely destroyed and passive in the way that someone who has a disorder like Cptsd has.

r115, that is factitious disorder.

They use mirroring to follow and copy your body movements and mannerisms. They agree with everything you say, even when talking about someone they've never met, "Oh yeah, Eddie is a nice guy. Has a big heart." They never seem to be at ease and in some cases are constantly looking around as if they expect to be attacked at any moment; they're always on guard.

Gays who hate women.

Newsflash: Everyone has a personality flaw. Everyone is affected. NPD, BPD, Antisocial disorder, Bipolar, ADHD, OCD, Sociopathy, etc etc. Look in the mirror, you will find something.

R112, yes. I am in a not speaking to my mother cycle because of this. Around three or four weeks ago I was taking my young teen daughter and her friend out to dinner. We were near where my mom lives and I called her to see if she wanted to come with us. She was actively saying mean things to the friend throughout dinner. (I told her to stop.) My mom doesn't drink but it was almost like she was drunk or something. She's nuts but this was really nuts. I haven't spoken to her since and don't know what to do.

Am I needed here?

[quote] They use mirroring to follow and copy your body movements and mannerisms. They agree with everything you say, even when talking about someone they've never met.

Mind blown. This behaviour has always unsettled me, but I didn’t realise it was red flag. I had put it down to my avoidant behaviours and my aggressive loner streak not wanting people style-riding me.

My mid-80s aged grandmother does this all the time. I’m her live-in carer right now, and she is constantly copying the things I say and tries to inject things I’ve shown even only passing interest in to every conversation. It comes off as very NOTES ON A SCANDAL tbh. There are days I feel like flipping out and screaming at her, “get a life! Get a personality! Who the fuck even are you?” (of course I would never, though)

She also asks very intrusive random personal questions out of nowhere, does not understand personal space (she keeps pinching my side in passing, poking at food I make, touching my clothes on the line), makes relentlessly negative and critical comments on everything (and not in the W&W riffing fashion), passes the buck for anything she says or does that frustrates, delegates household tasks in an unfair micromanaging way, and pretends not to hear what you say and makes you repeat it several times (we’ve checked her hearing, she’s fine).

Finally, she has what almost looks like a split personality. It’s creepy; sometimes she acts like an infantile girl with a whispercoo voice and helpless mewling around (she’s even said “I can’t do (x) because I’m likkle” before—my skin crawled fam), or conversely she acts like a total dragon with a deep no-nonsense tone ordering people around and haughtily making digs at others for not living up to her impossible standards. She will cry-bully at a hatdrop, if bossiness and bitching doesn’t get her her own way.

Whatever the fuck is wrong with her (and I’m interested to know), it’s infuriating.

[quote] Newsflash: Everyone has a personality flaw. Everyone is affected. NPD, BPD, Antisocial disorder, Bipolar, ADHD, OCD, Sociopathy, etc etc. Look in the mirror, you will find something.

I think it's much worse in some of you people than in the rest of us, Ms. Dunham.

Is ADD/ADHD a personality flaw?

Complete inability to apologize.

Claps or hops while talking.

Just turn on any real housewives show and pick one. Any one. They’re all a mess.

I'm at my wits' end, R125, having exhausted every effort to get you out of my basement. You are a freeloader, not my caregiver; move already, I need the space and my privacy back.

No wonder your parents went into Witness Protection!

R125, that sounds like senility more than anything.

My father is a sociopath. He was a very overtly hateful / abusive person until he met a woman he wanted to glom on to. He managed to keep his true self hidden for years.

But now that he’s getting older, he’s back to blurting out the abusive shit we all remember from 40 years ago. I think they lose their ability to keep their mask in place as they get older.

My cousin is a raging narcissist. Back when she was to marry her husband 20 years ago, he told those who tried to warn him that they were being "unfair" to Patty. He later told those folks: "You were right I was wrong!" I've told the story before that my cousin has no middle name, but because of her propensity for litigation, her brother refers to her as Patty Sue.

Is an attorney

my relative is bipolar but i suspect a personality disorder as well. She's been in and out of psych hospitals for years. Doesn't work or know how to drive and blames being irresponsible on her disorder. It's definitely been a rollercoaster. There is always a crisis.

R134 I don’t drive and I don’t work a full-time job. But I’m a depressed autistic (can’t inagine having the energy of a BPD/NPD/socio!), and don’t try to hide it or make excuses about it.

It’s a daily battle, but I try my best to contribute socially and show up for other people, even just to do errands or be a listening ear. And I make a point to be frugal and fair in all dealings.

Still, I’m aware that I’m “failing” by the common social metric, but that’s not so painful with the understanding that the metric is really a constricting inhumane framework.

Not that your BPD relly isn’t nuts and not that you’re wrong to call that out. Just saying everyone has a different story.

Claps or hops while talking.

are they kangaroos?

I relate, R130, after my lazy ass brother-in-law's six-month stint in our home, I was a lunatic, too. Getting that shiftless fucker out of the house for a few hours was a herculean task.

Family squatters will bring out the worst in anyone.

Believing every immature and annoying person has a personality disorder.

R134 I did not mean to imply that other people that don't work or drive are "failures". I don't believe that at all. My relative just uses any excuse in the book to not have to be a responsible adult. I guess i should have been more specific. It sounds like you are a good person. My relative does not care about anyone. I'm not saying this to be mean or put her down. I love her as family and it's been very difficult dealing with her illness.

My father is either a BPD or NPD, it is always someone else's fault, he has a dozen lawsuits going (he signs contracts and then decides he doesn't like the person, he calls the judges out for being a woman or a liberal because they never find in his favor), he is full of hate for so many people, the few he likes he won't ever see their faults. One odd thing is that he is going deaf and has cataracts but refuses to acknowledge he has a problem, he is definitely going blind and it is scary as he drives everywhere. He has tons of energy and is an extremely exhausting person, he is full of rage and this seems to fuel his energy. I've accepted I will die before him, as his rage is like a superpower giving him boundless energy.

Maybe if you would get a job so you could buy your own drugs and keep your mitts off Granny's, she'd stabilize, R125.

It's unsettling when a loser moves himself into your home indefinitely.

[quote]are they kangaroos?

No, they're just mentally ill / crazy.

R107, borderlines do that . You say oh I live in M Manhattan, they will ask specifically where. If you are even more evasive , they will subtly turn hostile

Having some sort of Crazy Hair, Make-up, or Body-Art, to the point that others note how Bizarre and off-putting it is, yet the bearer is absolutely unaware of how tasteless and tacky they look. See: our former Oompa Loompa President, Crazy Purple-Haired female Evangelist on Religion Channel, and Bad toupee man himself, The Pillow-Guy. Whether or not these individual's can be pigeon-holed into one Personality Disorder or not, I cannot say, but one thing is for sure- the Light is on but NOBODY is at Home!

[quote]Newsflash: Everyone has a personality flaw. Everyone is affected. NPD, BPD, Antisocial disorder, Bipolar, ADHD, OCD, Sociopathy, etc etc. Look in the mirror, you will find something.

Personality disorders are much more than flaws. Consider yourself lucky that you've never crossed paths with someone who has a true disorder.

R22 is in the wrong place

R145, that’s a borderline you were responding to.

Don't lump people with nervous disorders (OCD, anxiety, etc.) with people who have psychotic disorders.

The former, while exhausting, is relatively harmless; the latter is--not.

Exactly! But narcs and borderlines are notorious for projection and deflection . It’s never their fault

R97 and R98 are right. My sister is a classic borderline, and she has those crazy flashy eyes.

R137/R141 are way off-base. I have a job (just not full time or enough to pay extortionate rent), and I buy my own medication (never used recreational drugs) as well as groceries, necessities, cellphone bills etc. I don’t take a damn penny from my grandmother, unless you think I should be paying her share of water bills as well as mine, when her pension is bigger than my pay check. I have only been temporarily installed in her house to take care of her, because I misfortunately fell on hard times (sudden illness that got me unfairly thrown out of school+COVID layoff) at the same time my parents/toxic family lost a lot of money and *had* to relocate. It’s a case of wrong place, wrong time for me, and getting exploited by fucking nasty relatives.

But thanks for the understanding.

Sounds like NPD, R140.

Is a #FreeBritney supporter

Narcissists can’t feel real joy or empathy. They are dark inside. Envy and rage is what they feel. They loathe to see others happy. Evil people.

Which celebrities have those 'too bright and intense' BPD eyes mentioned upthread? Would you say porn bottom Dillon Roman is a good example? He's a good-looking guy, but his eyes seriously scare me. We had a thread about him where a lot of posters called him dead-eyed, but I think he's actually the opposite.

[quote]Which celebrities have those 'too bright and intense' BPD eyes mentioned upthread?

Amy Coney Barrett

Elizabeth Holmes has those freakishly bright eyes but I think she's a psychopath rather than a BPD.

R22 Yes - can relate to what happened to you. People walk away from depression because they dont understand how it affects people. I lost many friends then.

Aspie r157

Constantly talking, regardless of the fact that others are busy and not listening. Talking to no one at all, then saying, WELL! as if you were supposed to care. Leaving electronics on loud, at all times. Make most calls a Face Time because that's what THEY want, not caring it's invasive to others. Expecting others to know all the random people in their life on a first name basis although you have no idea who these people are.

MSNBC's skanky-assed Leigh Ann Caldwell has "the look," too, R155. Trade her to Fox already!

The still use social media.

[quote] Expecting others to know all the random people in their life on a first name basis although you have no idea who these people are.

My little sister does this. She also thinks the other person is any disagreement is always wrong and not as intelligent as her.

Beyond that though she’s a pretty decent person. I put her slight self-centredness down to arrogance and the good fortune of always getting her way more than PD.

Amy Coney Barrett is perfectly poised, calm and "perfect".

She is not borderline, she has antisocial personality. She has no empathy for many of the most vulnerable in American society. And she is able to deflect criticism of her positions because of...religion.

Winona Ryder is another example of "crazy eyes".

The weird thing is, she didn't always have them. That makes me believe it's probably just coke and not a personality disorder.

Besides the crazy eyes, she's aging incredibly well.

Winona before:

Living their ENTIRE life on social media. Ugly, desperate-looking plastic surgery.

Talking ad nauseum about their constant health problems. Jesus PETE.

R143, that's not borderline thing, though, that's straight-up NYC what's-the-bottom-line behavior. It's all about money, status and where you are in the hierarchy. People make assumptions about your income based on what neighborhood you live in.

R36 This is my ex-boyfriend.

He was on / off with a girl for 4 years, then we met and he spent our friendship / relationship pulling the victim card about how abusive she was. She always tried reaching out to him after her relationships shit the bed and he always got upset she was still bothering him.

But last year he finally caved in and went behind my back. He told me she reached out to him, he showed me her message from Facebook, this was May 2020. Then around June, he said he went over her house as a friend and said he was turned off at her life and couldn’t wait to get out of there. Then in July / August he was finally telling her he needed to move on.

Then in November I started noticing things and grew suspicious. I went OUT of my fucking head and he was gaslighting me. I finally got confirmation in February this year that he was seeing her and I ended things despite him saying he did nothing wrong.

I kept track of things online, the same way I did before - Facebook, Spotify, IG and they ended things a month later in March / April.

Now they’re both seeing other people but I think they’re still friends.

The thing is - they both hate each other and treat each other like shit, that’s why they can’t be together for long so they date other people until the other people get sick of them and run away and they come back to each other as backup.

I told him, you should stay with her and spare other people from getting hurt. Same for her. But they can’t even do that. Just totally incapable mentally ill fucks.

He’s cheated on every relationship he’s ever had with this girl. And the girl he’s with now will meet the same fate.

R170 you will all clown me for saying this but I can’t help pointing it out—what you’ve described is probably a Plutonian relationship (Venus/Mars/Moon-Pluto with some Saturn mixed in, if I had to guess).

That is an addictive destructive toxic cyclical bond, perfectly encapsulated by the Plutonian archetype. The kind of relationship that burns your selfhood to the ground and remakes you as something new (and not always or often good).

Chiron relationships are less unhealthy. They hurt more, and they don’t usually last or repeat themselves, but once you come through it you grow and learn from it, and you preserve your sense of self within it.

Posts like R171 area a clear sign.

R172 lmao

R172 look I was raised by a Crystals Frau, it’s formative automatic shit, give me a break

If you actually believe that shit R171 / R174, you have proven my point.

R172 another golden example in this thread is R22's long, boring, meandering, self-centered post.

I couldn't even get through that R22 post, R176! TL;DR

No sense of humour or ability to laugh at one's self. Also laughing at other's expense or misfortune.

Aspergers

[quote] Which celebrities have those 'too bright and intense' BPD eyes mentioned upthread?

Ann Coulter

[quote] No sense of humour or ability to laugh at one's self

Nothing's wrong with that! Some of us just live incredibly important and serious lives the entire world depends upon!

Ann is a sociopath

I told my partner that I think his mother is a narcissist last week, and he got angry with me. She grilled me about my parent’s divorce within 15 minutes of meeting her. She also asked about my previous relationships upon our first meeting. She constantly talks about how fat and ugly she has been her entire life, fishing for compliments (she will brag about modeling 20 minutes later). She rents a condo in our city for 4 months out of the year, and stops by without calling even though I have asked her not to. On one of her visits, she decided to do our laundry and washed our dry clean only basket in hot water ruining everything. When I got angry, she asked if I was bothered by her appearance. It was absolutely bizarre. She has absolutely no boundaries, and when I complain she says that I am the problem because I’m not as close to my mother as my partner is with her. Despite all of this, my partner thinks she is a saint and her issues are just because she cares and wants to be close to ‘us’. I’m going to lose it.

My mom and stepfather compete in a series of weight loss challenges for couples.

I find it really weird and reminiscent on They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

She also shares her email and social media with said stepfather. And my dad does does the same with my stepmother.

Very odd and for that reason, I keep pretty distant from them.

People who constantly have a revolving door of people in their life - the ones who are out due to some perceived slight, typically followed by a new best friend to take their place. Rinse and repeat. I guess this is “splitting.”

Borderlines are the scariest

In R180's pic Ann Coulter looks like she might have a thyroid problem.

Over ingratiating. Asks for your number almost immediately or social media page .

A former friend with BPD was always giving me orders and instructions on how to behave or what to say. I told him to cut it out and he was flabbergasted I had an opinion about it. I was supposed to just obey!

R183 And this isn't a red flag about your partner? How long do you expect this relationship to last? His mother is a saint and you will never be. Get out.

I think Winona had a bad eye job, giving her a permanently startled look.

R5 perfectly described the bitch that lives next door to me. Die, phony! Or at least move away.

They tell you really personal things that you don't want to know after you first meet.

I began a new job and a woman in my department told me, after I had been there just three weeks, that she thought she was pregnant. She had previously told me she was married for 12 years, no kids. We were standing in line at a soup and salad bar when she gave me the pregnancy news. I congratulated her, saying something to the effect of how happy they must be.

No, she languidly replied, she'd probably abort. this would be her fourth abortion, her husband didn't want kids. She said she would be out for a few days the next week with the flu as an excuse, and would I please keep her secret. "He likes to jump my bones," she said. I am absolutely pro choice but this really shocked me.

I did not want to know this and I didn't want to keep her secrets. It was nuts of her to tell me, I hardly even knew her. If her husband didn't want kids then the asshole should have had a vasectomy. Turned out both she and her husbands were monumental assholes. Selfish, narcissistic, angry, controlling, and strange. They thought they were hot shit, too, living in Pacific Heights in SF in a rented apartment. She was no end of crazy. She's dead now, died at 64, I saw her obituary and it was weird. Something to the affect of "self-sacrificing to a fault" obviously penned by her selfish pompous ass husband, who would call several times a day so they could discuss what she would be preparing for dinner.

R183, lose the boyfriend. This won't end well.

Borderlines are the most frightening

R32 is Frieda Claxton

“I live alone cause I like it”!

They can’t stop smelling their fingers.

They have a creepy stare

You want creepy staring personality disorder eyes? Bradley Cooper wins the category!

He gives me the creeps, like there's a dozen bodies buried in his basement. Sadly, Hollywood has mistaken his creep factor for charisma.

You're a United States Senator and you think this is appropriate attire to wear to the Capitol.

Fits of intense rage interspersed with bouts of laughter

Stalking/stalker qualities

Being able to stay awake for days on end without the help of drugs

Regressing to childlike behavior or baby-talk to manipulate or get attention

Bipolars are just soul sucking

The wig thing really disturbing.

*is

"... sometimes she acts like an infantile girl with a whispercoo voice and helpless mewling around (she’s even said “I can’t do (x) because I’m likkle” before—my skin crawled fam), or conversely she acts like a total dragon with a deep no-nonsense tone ordering people around and haughtily making digs at others for not living up to her impossible standards..."

Oh God, I had a male co-worker like this! He was very strange around women, he'd either act like a little boy and expect to be mothered, or he'd be domineering and condescending and expect all the women around to switch gears and become deferential - even his female bosses. He'd even assume a John Wayne voice! After he left the job and moved away, I heard his young wife died under "mysterious circumstances", and even though most of the people at that office had pretended to like him, they all got the chills and thought the worst when they heard that. If you're dealing with a normal person your first reaction is sympathy, but with him... everyone's mind immediately made a very dark assumption.

At the time, I thought he was weird because of his background, he was an only son who'd been home-schooled by a religious mother, and had carried the attitudes of a spoiled little boy into adult life. But that was before the "mysterious" death...

Is bisexual.

People who go on and on and on about their own point of view. Avoid. It doen't get better.

I didn't know anything about personality disorders until i read this thread, it has explained a lot about people I know and have worked with though. The things you learn on datalounge.

I disagree Aspergers is a personality disorder, although behavior can manifest like one. The aspies who are very high-functioning and just want to blend in and be accepted as normal-functioning people may miss a cue now and then and stare at you a second too long or say something off or rude, or go on and on and on about their topic of interest. We can cut them some slack, but it's hard to do for me. I'm socially impatient and have trouble conversing with just about everyone for over five minutes.

Not flushing after shitting

. I'm socially impatient and have trouble conversing with just about everyone for over five minutes.

Sounds like it's you who has the problem then

R211 I just blocked you for being boring.

Wow, R193, that is quite a story; I recently had a co-worker at a new job give me his speech about how the vaccine was the mark of the beast, end of times, etc. etc and I thought *that* shit was weird to say to a complete stranger, but you win!

You come home from your college waiter job to find your ex has not only broken into your house and fled, but has smashed the snow globe collection you’ve been assembling for your entire young gay life (because you told yourself as a child ‘all sophisticated men collect things’)- *including* the limited edition I Love Lucy globe your SAINTED MOTHER gave you!

Shows up to your apartment drunk and calls you a “peasant.”

Boasts about his H&K that “the government” gave him.

Goes on emergency Lamictal.

Conversely, you can’t stop fucking him because you still believe he’s you’re “intellectual soulmate.”

r214 you sure it's not you with the personality disorder?

Who blabbed?

[quote]We can cut them some slack, but it's hard to do for me. I'm socially impatient and have trouble conversing with just about everyone for over five minutes.

Are you saying it's hard for you to cut Aspies some slack because of your own antisocial tendencies?

earrings

Caftans!

1. Lack of empathy for people with Asperger's.

2. Difficulty conversing with others for more than 5 minutes.

3. Lack of self-awareness.

Among BPDs I have noticed a pattern. They have a large entourage of attack dogs/ enablers who blame everyone around the bpd case for their problems. The BPDs parents, colleagues and partners are all monsters victimising the pure of heart bpd. Whenever the BPDs issues come up the enablers scream about the people around them, while the borderline is somehow childlike and lacking in any responsibility for their actions. I've seen dynamic repeatedly in physically attractive women who have BPD.

[quote] A female who doesn't have any female friends.

Or her husband/bf may have isolated her.

First time i met a new neighbour she told me she had no friends and didn't need any and that everyone she worked with was a fuckwit.....i stayed clear of her

Italian American from Long Island.

Aspies can be very unhinged and devious . They’re pretty sneaky .

R224 Ralph Macchio hurt you?

Being overtly judgmental of others

Unhinged personality

In my narcissistic boss’s office I counted eleven framed pictures of him. To be fair, they are pictures of my boss and someone else or my boss as part of a group, but I suspect it’s not the others’ faces he’s interested in admiring.

You can’t shake them: don’t answer a text and they will call. Don’t answer a call and they’ll keep calling. Boundaries mean nothing to them.

R230 word.

The last employer I had—the insane robbing professional-victim grifter I’ve spoken of on here before—would call me on my personal mobile phone at midnight to discuss inconsequential matters of stock/housekeeping or to give yet another laughable flimsy and transparent excuse as to why my pay would be late. If I didn’t pick up, she would leave multiple rambling weepy or shouty messages.

Throughout my short tenure, I repeatedly and firmly stated that this was not appropriate and she ought to stop—this did not sink in.

Even after I left, she would spam my phone with tearful begging or nasty rants...until I narced and sicced the proper authorities on the woman. Haven’t heard a peep since.

I've read a few stories through the years about how Madonna would do just what R230 and R231 described to people she was working with. She'd call and text in the early morning with notes about a project they were working on together.

R221, we call those people “flying monkeys”.

R232, Meghan Markle also did that to staffers when she was still in England.

When you feel like you’re being swept off your feet.

[quote] I used to work in the mental health field and had experience with a variety of the Axis II disorders. The one thing that typified all of them is that the patients seemed to have more energy than the rest of the people in the room put together.

That's something I've noticed in the cases where the teacher has an affair with the student. Most of the teachers and students texted each other and called each other hundreds or even thousands of times. How the hell do they hold down a teaching job, their family, their spouse and have time for an affair where they spend prolific amounts of time communicating with their student? Some of them text more than 700 times a month

I've always said, "how do they have the energy to do this"?

Staying up for days at a time with crazed energy and intense moods/mood swings are signs of several serious mental disorders, R235.

Yeah, r235!

I’m general, I’m wary of people with too many irons in the fire. And they always take on more. I have a family member who is like this. It’s like she has to prove she’s superwoman who “has it all”. And then she takes on MORE projects like starting a foundation for her disabled kid and redecorating their second home and training for a 10k and so on. I guess they’re adrenaline junkies? They seem to enjoy the “how does she do it?!” attention.

Not quite a personality disorder, but maybe a “disordered trait”? Also had a serious eating disorder in HS.

[quote] had a serious eating disorder in HS

Attended a girls-only school throughout my entire teen years, so I know dozens of girls who suffered with this badly.

Almost every one of them is now either super-religious, alcoholic/addicted to something, or working in military/law enforcement. Think that says it all.

R236 that sounds like a drug-addled meth binge

R222 that makes no sense. A guy who's controlling and possessive enough to isolate his wife or gf would be more likely to keep her from making male friends, not female ones.

I am friends with a number of women from grad school. They are now stuck in suburban shitholes for various reasons (work, family.) Many complain they don’t have “local” girl friends because the locals are all fat sows with 4-5 kids who have never worked a day in their lives. So I can well imagine a certain type of woman has few female friends.

R241 your friends are all bitches.

They’re educated bitches with graduate degrees.

Yes. Everyone knows blue collar sows can’t possibly be bitches who ostracize the “different” one.

[quote] R222 that makes no sense. A guy who's controlling and possessive enough to isolate his wife or gf would be more likely to keep her from making male friends, not female ones

It makes perfect sense. With a controlling jealous asshole, it's an absolute given that the woman is not to have a male friend.

They also don't want their wives/girlfriends to have friends that are women. Women friends would tell them, "your husband is crazy, normal people don't live this way"

They want the wife to be as helpless as possible. They don't want to let the women have anyone to help them escape. They also cut them off from family members

This is one of the top 3 forms of abuse/control. How do you not know this?

I don’t care if your friends are undergraduates, graduates or grade school dropouts. They sound like BITCHES!!

Well, I haven’t described them so what are you basing that on, r246?

Maybe lay off the meth pipe for a while.

I am coherent and sober as a judge. You’re obviously in denial or are bitch too.

R242 is correct.

R241 and friends sound like snobby elitist bitches. I've known people who fit the white trash stereotype but are still nice people. I have no problem being friends with anyone of any background so long as they're decent people.

Sometimes people do have a personality disorder but most often people just have poor social skills. Or is this the same thing? Anyway, I try be tolerant of people who are just trying to have a connection with another human but don’t have the skills to do it. It depends on the situation though, if you don’t have a buffer it’s difficult to be nice after a while.

Well, there's having no local female friends when you hate where you live, and then there's never having had any female friends, because you see all other women as competition or just disdain women. One is an expression of hating your life, the other of a major personality flaw or disorder.

There was a brief moment when I got involved in the Angelina Jolie fans-vs-haters wars*, before I chucked it all because that was a short road to crazy town. Anyway, Jolie has always seemed to be a good bet for genuine BPD, and one of the tells was her total lack of female friends, and her delight in taking men away from other women. That was then, now it's keeping the custody battles going until the children are grown.

What's the male equivalent of a woman who has no female friends?

Can’t the women lawyers and engineers make friends with other professional supremely-educated women? They’re not as rare and special as they think, and there are clubs and professional associations where they can meet other special people. I live in a city, but know plenty of suburban overachievers and they always have other friends of their ilk. They join country clubs and if they have kids, there are other moms at their private schools.

It is so hard to be a suburban woman with a graduate degree. 😔

They believe in Jewish space lasers.

[quote]Anyway, Jolie has always seemed to be a good bet for genuine BPD, and one of the tells was her total lack of female friends, and her delight in taking men away from other women.

How terrible that no one bothered to report Jolie to the police for abducting an adult male. Poor Brad never stood a chance against such practiced villainy.

The subtlety of a knife pushed all the way in can make for an unmistakable sign of a personality disorder.

Hey, Mia! How many suicides and escapees in the bunch so far?

*points at the church*

Anyone who believes in ghosts or psychics.

Do people still join country clubs? What exactly goes on in them? Aren't they a 20th Century thing?

In my early 40s I started a new job. There was a guy in my circle of coworkers who no one seemed to want to work with or like. I stupidly felt sorry for him and tried to include him in things. I learned the hard way that after a certain age if a person isn't well liked there is probably many good reasons as to why. 1.5 years later I took him into a conference room and ripped into him and told him to stay the fuck away from me and that I would never work with him or have anything to do with him again. After that he started breaking into my house.

262, and what happened during those 1.5 years?

"Do people still join country clubs? What exactly goes on in them?"

Golf, tennis, gyms, keeping the riff-raff out.

You don't hear about them much any more, but I suspect that's because fewer people have enough disposable income to join.

R262 Don't leave us hanging!

R254 is 110 years old.

Gossips about or bullies their own relations on social media or to strangers. Hates animals. Cannot operate without being a malicious gossip and living from catastrophe to catastrophe. Deep seeded need to make others others feel inferior.

R183, you are spot on. That one crazy bitch and she won't get better. I would move.

"Hates animals."

You're right. Well, I wouldn't say it's a personality disorder tell, but it's definitely a sign of being an asshole.

Pretends to be Spanish....

^LOL. She must be going insane now that Alec is getting all the attention. Even though it's due to a tragedy.

R262! Are you okay? Is he in the house right now?

Asking personal questions about your family members.

They lie about inconsequential things.

All the stories about people glomming on to people they hardly know reminds me of a kid I grew up with that did this. He couldn't keep a friend though. He lived with his single dad and his dad was later arrested for molesting girls. The girls were all from family's the son squirmed his way into.

R262 Aaaannd? Then what happened?

Yes, people still belong to country/beach clubs. I live in Manhattan and know lots of people who belong to various types of clubs. Regular people, not just socialites, too. If you have a family, it’s great. The whole family spends the day in the fresh air, dad plays golf, mom sits by the pool or plays tennis, the kids run around and swim or fish in the lake, nobody has to cook. There may or may not be action in the steam room.

Including a link to your CashApp or Venmo account in your social media bios

Biting nails into adulthood.

The people in my area who still join country clubs are a very small group, overwhelmingly white and conservative, 99% married with kids, and many do so with the financial help of their parents, even though they are in their 30s or 40s with white-collar careers. It’s not really a crowd I enjoy being around, even though the clubs themselves are lovely: clubhouses, great pool, tennis courts, etc.

My parents were pushing me to join during the last year of my eligibility for the “member’s child” rate: even at 50% off, it was a flat fee of $50K and something like $300 per month membership fee, plus the cost of food/drinks and activity charges. This is near a major city and an old/stuckup club, so it may be cheaper in other areas or for clubs with a different ethos.

They see mirror hours.

A frau take on “women without female friends” —

I agree it is usually a sign of something going wrong with the woman in question. They tend to fall in three buckets:

- Women who buy into the societal message that men are superior to women (sometimes through the prism of “men are cool and women suck,” but sometimes more unconscious than that), so that they put all their energy into relationships with men (friendship or romantic) and don’t make any effort with other women. This is the type who says “I’m just a guy’s girl, I don’t get other women” or “other women don’t like me.”

- Women who see other women as competition. This isn’t just women who are anxious about keeping a male partner, but also women who measure their success in life against what other women are doing, so that being friends with them means always hearing one-upping comments and never any vulnerability or realness. This type will have superficial women friends/frenemies they keep around to compete with, but they will all be more recent friends who then vanish and get replaced. This type will say “Other women are always jealous of me.”

- As noted above, women who are in abusive/bad relationships and get isolated. They don’t have female friends or ANY friends. It’s complicated because often this type participates in her own isolation by pushing away female friends who are concerned and tell her her boyfriend is bad news, sometimes cutting them off explicitly for being honest, and other times doing a slow fade because she stops sharing any information, knowing it will make her bf look bad. One of my friends is in this position now and I’m just trying to hang on.

They think rescue dogs are more important than children.

Keeping erratic waking/sleeping hours, especially if they contact other people in the middle of the night.

R281 what does that mean?

R240 has never met a narcissist in her life.

What is the deal with people who answer a text with a phone call, then leave you on the phone for an hour talking about nothing? It drives me insane. I am about ready to give up on a 15 year relationship because of it. I don’t have the time or energy to sit on the phone talking about this person”s problems PLUS the problems of her other friends and family members.

They are sometimey to the max. Like you one day and hate you the next.

R287 is this generational? My elder relatives and coworkers have always got angry that I don’t respond with enthusiasm or energy to phone calls (or try to avoid them). No-one my age (late 20s) or younger likes to make or receive calls over texts. Even when I was a little kid and no one had mobile phones and IM in their pockets, I still hated using landlines.

R262 what the fuck, Did you call the cops? Did you catch him in the act? What was he doing in there, sniffing your underwear or something? How old were you at the time? How old was he?

R262, please give us a sign.

R267 the "hate animals" thing needs more attention.

It's one thing to be indifferent to animals, but I've literally never met someone who actively disliked animals who wasn't a gross piece of shit.

R292 what about specific animals? Like my dad, who adores dogs and horses and certain prey animals such as deer, but can’t abide domestic cats or rabbits or any birds (he’s a former game hunter who likes to shoot small prey).

Rabbits are disgusting. They are definitely not a domesticated animal. They shit all over the place and are only good for the pot.

R294 Daddy?

I’ve noticed that a lot of people from small farm towns think nothing of abandoning animals. My mom used this as an excuse for her friend dumping her dog (owned for 8 years) off at the humane society because it started peeing in the house. This woman had zero remorse. When I volunteered at a shelter, we would always get dogs that were dumped off on the side of the road in rural areas.

R1 Beat me to it. LOL. So fucking true.

If they have kids, and they are split from the other parent, and they badmouth the other parent to the kid. Usually with long sad tales of victimization designed to make the kid feel like their other parent is a monster.

R298 This happened to me as a kid and my parents never split. Now when I look back I see how fucked up it is.

I think that is 90% of divorced parents, r298 (especially when child support and custody battles are present).

Constantly trashing an ex is messed up. They're not a part of you your life anymore, move the fuck on.

If it's a co-parenting situation and they are trashing them in front of the kids, they're only hurting the children. It's childish and abusive.

R301 thinks she's a fucking GOD. Because she says it, it will be so! Cunt.

your name is Alec Baldwin

They mistake their pet's reliance on them for food as affection.

Has changed their name

R305 depends on context and the reason imo.

Like I’m beginning the process of changing my middle-names then using them as a main name, as a way to distance myself from poisonous family members after whom I was named. And also because my middle names are that of an archaic celebrity/folk hero who is now viewed as campy and silly—not a vibe I want to present in my working life, and the person not someone I relate to/connect to/want to emulate to in any way.

Maybe that still looks or sounds sketchy to others, but idc, I know I need to do it for my own peace of mind living an independent life.

[quote] people from small farm towns think nothing of abandoning animals

Because we’re used to seeing dead ones all over the place.

R306 "Roy" isn't that bad of a middle name actually.

Oh Jeez, R5, I went out with someone just like that. I was so charmed by him, but I had a nagging feeling that something was off. I ignored that feeling for a while because he was a lot of fun, until I started to catch him in white lies. At first, I confronted him about it, but he always had what seemed to be a reasonable explanation. It's hard to believe, I know, but one time, during one of those discussions, his face changed and his eyes got black. It was only for a brief moment, but it scared me. It was scary and exhausting, so we're no longer together.

"I’ve noticed that a lot of people from small farm towns think nothing of abandoning animals."

The rural poor can't afford to be as sentimental about animals as a bunch of old queens. Farm people will occasionally bond with an animal, but most of the animals around a farm or in rural towns are there to generate a profit, and the majority of the animal profit is generated by caging animals for byproducts or slaughtering them for meat. The rural poor live close to the edge financially, too close for sentiment. If a cow is sick the decision about whether to give it vet care or slaughter it is purely a financial one, if a chicken stops laying eggs it goes into the pot, if a working dog stops being any use and the owners can't afford vet bills, it's put down or taken to the shelter.

Of course the rural poor as as likely to have personality disorders as anyone, but this attitude towards animals can be more of a necessity than the sign of a personality disorder.

Ok..

They still obsess about Trump and relate and/or compare everything to that fucker Trump. Sick.

R292, meet DMX , the evil rapper

Unfeeling cruelty to animals is often a sign of sociopathy and criminal tendencies. There’s scientific proof on that.

But the extreme opposite: obsessive, borderline obnoxious love of animals and animal rights (often vocally loud about it) can be just as bad in a different way. It’s like a God complex. This is often seen in people disassociated from reasonable adult reality, who can be resentful and vindictive of others (look through the sordid history and ranks of PETA for proof). Red flag: people who clog their social media feeds with gruesome pictures and videos of animals being tortured and tested on, with links to “help,” until their accounts are cancelled (and they’re proud of it). Crazy animal lovers can be the type to secretly do something harmful to someone they think deserves it, as revenge for something only they perceive.

It’s like two extreme opposite extreme ends of the spectrum.

R314, I agree 💯. Most animal lovers are decent though . PETA makes no distinction between literally a roach 🪳 or a dog 🐶

R296, it's common for suburban/city people to dump their pets out in the country. They rationalize that the farmers can always use another dog or cat. This drives the rural people crazy angry, as the see the poor suffering abandoned animals and almost never can afford to take them in.

I worked on a college campus that has this same problem with the students. They get a cat for their dorm room or rental and at the end of the school year they don't want to take it with them when they move out. So they dump them on campus, so for months the campus has a lot of frightened starving cats looking for food and shelter.

Another example of how millennials and GenZ are no better than boomers.

The college town I used to live in wouldn't adopt out animals to students for exactly the reasons above.

I grew up someplace incredibly rural (there was a pine tree farm behind the road where I grew up and a horse farm two roads away) and I was going to post what R316 said. My dad and I flat-out caught someone dumping a dog once when I was a kid. They drove a nice car and were clearly a city person.

People from nearby cities also treat rural areas like dumps and recreation areas. We had a real problem with kids from one city tearing up dirt roads on their four-wheelers. Their parents would just drop them off in our area to "play" and pick them up at the end of the day.

Personality disorder...? Uh, those who love to troll and antagonize online, especially on a board like DL where they can be easily anonymous.

They appear on reality TV shows.

People estranged from siblings for petty reasons. I’ve had 2 coworkers and 2 bosses who fit this category. And they all shared the same traits. Drama, backdoor politics, ambitions beyond their capability and a complete lack of loyalty. They also never work well in a team.

Agree R319.

I'll add those who have multiple accounts on one site (sockpuppets).

People who obsessively look at other people's posting history.

Being woke for woke points.

I always wonder about the people who completely overreact to others’ fairly mundane posts.

Someone will post some boring thing from their own lives, and some psycho comes along and responds “YOU’RE A LIAR! YOU’RE A BITCH!”

You just know they’re reacting to some movie they have playing nonstop in their heads.

I sometimes wonder if I’m becoming too cynical or pessimistic. Then I see one of these freaks venting their spleen and I think “nah, I’m good.”

R325 yeah. That reminds me of the post where someone was discussing their opinion of the new I love Lucy film and multiple posters insisted that he hadn't seen the film and that he must be lying. I couldn't understand why, the post wasn't that far fetched.

People who obsessively interject politics into every conversation, online or in person. This includes both Trumpers and Trump haters who somehow must feel empty now that Orange Hitler isn't in our face every second. I can guess why Trumptards are fixated -- they still can't get over the election -- but why do people that profess to hate the guy want to spend every waking moment ruminating about him? So many hollow people with no interests but watching cable news, I guess.

Violent impulses. I knew an actual “antifa” guy for a while and he didn’t seem to actually care about ideology, it was very apparent that what was alluring to him was the idea of inflicting violence on someone he thought was wrong. With a few tweaks of background, he could have been one of the tiki torch idiots.

"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."

Estrangement from family is a huge red flag 🚩

An obsession with Disney films.

R331 yup. Knew a Disneyana bitch in College. Girl was crazycakes, but two-faced enough to think that everyone else was the issue.

In the short few years I knew her, she was cosplaying as California Katy Perry in public, running a Glee fanblog, and quasi-stalking one of her crushes (I didn’t stick around long enough to watch her graduate to full-blown stalking). She would also take anything she read in Vogue as gospel.

An obsession with comic books: Star Wars

R330 Estrangement from family is not always a huge red flag, especially with gay people. Often it can be the sign of strength, independence and integrity.

Agree with the above R334. On the other side of the coin, slavish attachment to toxic, chaotic families and fucked-up parents can be a red flag.

This is r262, the one who had the coworker breaking into my house. I went to the police and they told me to find a big boyfriend or buy a gun. We lived out in the country and the cops were useless, but at least they didn't give me a false sense of security.

We knew it was him because he used a key and kept leaving the door open to make sure I knew he had been in the house. One time I didn't feel well and my wife had to work late so he gave me a ride home. He told me he would wait and make sure I got in OK and he saw where we had a key hidden. He was the only one besides my wife and I who knew where it was.

One Friday we were almost to our house and we saw him speeding by us. When we got home the door was open. That's when I remembered he had seen where we hid the key. I checked and the key was gone.

After that he quit bothering me. He had a wife and step daughter so that probably helped as he didn't want his wife to know what he was up to. He left me alone at work because of the harassment policies, I think he had shit in his personnel file from causing problems with other women. I think he had narcissistic tendencies and I was feeding his ego, Slowly backing away from him didn't work, but telling him off and to stay the fuck away from me triggered his behavior.

This was probably 20 years ago. I retired 8 years ago. I don't even know if he is still alive.

I actually had a much worse problem with a professor in college who without a doubt is a psychopath. That's too long of a story to repeat here.

"Speaks to none of their exes." have to disagree. Not talking to exes is healthy, not a personality disorder - as far as I'm concerned. It's weird to me if you're buddies with your exes. Move on.

How is estrangement from family a red flag if it wasn’t your choice??

R338 All the cliched psychology/self-help books always said two things about people's relationship patterns and how they will be in the present. 1. How they get along with their mother determines their life-long relationship patterns. 2. How they get along with their exes shows how they will relate to you in the present. I have always found those two rules to be accurate. As men, both gay and straight, we inevitably end up with a psychological clone of our mother. If your mother was a hugely horrible, psychotic, asshole then you will be as well.

R338, I’m referring to someone who was the cause of a lot of drama and heartache to their family .

R340, estrangement from family isn't necessarily a red flag. It can mean that you're a psycho who drives everyone away, even your own family, or it can mean that the family is toxic and abusive and the person had to get away to save their sanity, or it can mean that the family is conservative-toxic and the person is gay.

"Estrangement from family" will have to be removed from the official list of Red Flags.

R341 is a wise woman. Considering how famously homophobic Evangelicals and Conservatives (and other religions) are, more than half of those unfortunate gays will be estranged from them. THAT is a good thing.

It might seem like a bit of a reach, but .... erratically creating and deleting or abandoning social media accounts. Constantly changing the user handles of existing accounts. I'm not sure what exactly drives this kind of behavior, but I've seen it in people who are textbook cases of borderline personality disorder, as part of a general pattern of impulsivity and emotional instability.

I'm also wary of people who simultaneously post to multiple accounts on the same social network, unless of course one is a 'business' account and the other is used for private stuff. Reeks of narcissism imo.

They favor words and terms such as Klan grannies, Boris, Trumpers, Nazis, racists, flyover stans . . .

Yeah I have gone “no contact” with the matriarch of my family (an aunt, not my dearly departed mom). And because of that, several family members have cut me off. It is messy but Aunt is abusive, and my assorted relatives are deeply unpleasant..

I don’t want to be red flagged into the dreaded personality disordered bunch!

R332 My sister had a psycho roommate in college. I looked her up once and learned that she left college after two years and moved to Florida to work at Disney World. Her whole life is Disney.

R343, I change the handle of my tumblr account all the time. It's because I don't want anyone I know to find it somehow and check it all the time. I found out that multiple people were doing this and it's just creepy.

R347, I know who you are and where you live.

R347 I know who you are and I SAW WHAT YOU DID!

They’re in the Edith Massey Facebook group.

It get having a 'fake' social media account using a fantasy name and no profile pic (tbh I have a few myself for stalking purposes), but an account showing your real face, linked to people you know in real life, and using a slightly different variation of your real name or nickname every few months? Doesn't make sense to me.

R343 Learn a new word other than "narcissism" stupid cunt. You have to say it a million times in EVERY fucking thread! Clearly you are schizoaffective or some type of super psychotic asshole.

R343 Ive seen what you are talking about.

One extreme example is this person who kept switching “occupations” every 6 months to a year doing completely different jobs like from “tour guide” to “real estate boss” to “international food expert” like I swear it was 5 or 6 different handles and logos by the time I couldn’t take it anymore. It was so crazy. I think she did it all for the internet and none of it in real life.

People who accuse others of being crazy (usually they are the ones who are fucking nuts!)

If your mother was a hugely horrible, psychotic, asshole then you will be as well.

excuse me?

R354 is a borderline

R355 So clever, dinosaur.

r354 see r70

Claim that they are conservative,hate nudity on television, hate profane words, claim to hate debauchery BUT love to have sex more than 95% of liberals out there....

LOTS of creeps and sociopathic fuckers are like that.

[quote](tbh I have a few myself for stalking purposes)

That.

R359 I've met lots of people who didn't curse and couldn't watch R-rated movies, but had no problem with action movies or The Walking Dead. They were all weirdos.

Being a prolific poster on yelp . Particularly one who uses the first name of your server while posting bad reviews. " I asked Abigail to give me mac and cheese with bacon on the side but they were already mixed in. She apologised but it didn't seem sincere".

The need to always be right.

They love to point out the mistakes of others on DL!

Clearly R352 has no idea what 'schizoaffective' or 'psychotic' even means. He/she/it just loves to throw around big words. But hey, as long as it isn't the dreaded over-used 'narcissism' ...!

Inability to handle criticism.

Never forgives even at the slightest slight

Maybe that’s why Freud said the Irish can’t be helped in therapy, R367

R365 Fuck off and die cunt. I hate you, the "narcissism" troll. Narcissism doesn't even exist.

Aspergers diagnosis

r369 needs to smoke copious amounts of pot

I use to be a public defender. We took many CLE classes about disorders. But for me four things always stand out when I met a client with a personality disorder:

1. The person makes a general, plainly false assumption and awaits your reaction.

2. The person is never completely focused on the conversation, may ever try to distract from it.

3. The person acts right away as if you were their best friend or their enemy. There are no grays.

4. And the person has an angle for everything that they believe is externally happening to them.

And I believe that many people who have disorders know it and can’t control themselves.

I believe you R361, lots of people can't watch a gay kiss or a lesbian kiss on the tv, but go on youtube and find a video of a real murder happening and suddenly they don't have problem watching that.

Can't stand those people.

R373, prudery isn't necessarily the sign of a personality disorder.

It's usually the sign of an asshole, but that isn't the same thing as a personality disorder.

One thing I remember from a psychology book is a clinician's description of a person with Borderline Personality Disorder creating maximum chaos inside an inpatient psychiatric unit and then sitting back to enjoy the show, disavowing any responsibility for it. I've seen this dynamic happen outside of clinical contexts many times. People high in narcissistic traits can also do this, but it's more of a power move rather than a need to generate drama.

Borderlines are the most Dangerous creatures on the planet . And aspergers are often mistaken for borderlines.

R376, my mother used to do this. She also would pick a fight with someone and pick and pick and pick until they lost their cool. Then she’d sit back with a smile, satisfied. It was like a junkie looking for a fix. Or like the urgency of a full bladder and the relief of release.

I loved many things about her, but that was her worst trait and I was very low contact because of it.

People who call celebrities and others they don’t know “a narc” (narcissist) - I see that more and more. It’s weird.

Everything now has a pseudo-medical diagnosis, R378. People used to be evil or jerks. Now they have a personality disorder.

OK. I've come to the right place. This friend of mine, a guy, met this girl at a 4th of July Party, They're both 25.. She was a lot of fun and really lively. He had been kind of down for a while because of shit that happened on his job. He stated dating her. Man, she moved on him like a freight train. With in one month she was practically camped out at his house, pawing though all his stuff like a 5 y old.

Then he goes to Vancouver to see family and friends he hasn't seen in over a year, and she's calling him a LOT. After she sees some pictures his sister posts on Instagram, of him and his friends partying and having fun, she has a temper tantum, and she's up all night with a crying jag, so after a month or so of peace at home with his fam, he agrees to let her come visit. She spends like 4 days in a hotel, and suddenly she is camped out at his parent's tiny house and she is like the flu, man. And the family are really nice, they try to make the best of it.

He is making the best of it too, getting laid a lot and when she gets her way, she's a lot of fun, although she lacks judgement and says and does things that are inappropriate, being infantile and obnoxious, throws the "F" bomb a lot and talks about suggestive, sexual situations at the dinner table, etc. and sort of giddy in a very manic way. She also talks about him to his friends and family as if they don't know him and she is an authority. Very overbearing. And she is overly familiar with his friends that she just met.

For context, here's what I found out about her from him and his sister : She suffered from an eating disorder about 6 yrs ago, and was in therapy. She has anxiety attacks, insomnia, crying jags, asthma, and takes three different pills for her "anxiety" and he "bad moods." She can be fucking exhausting because when she has one of her crying jags no one sleeps.

She wants to be part of every single activity he does. He cannot go out with his guy friends unless she tags along. He just got a new job, and he was excited about it except she calls him all the time and "surprised" him by going to his office for a surprise lunch date to celebrate. She is psycho, and I have a bad feeling about her, but he thinks she is "getting better" and she just needed TLC and he is helping her.... I think this is going to end badly.

Oh, and she is very very close to a girlfriend who travels a lot (airlines) and the girlfriend always tells Miss Psycho how beautiful she is and how much she loves her, but she seems to avoid her as much as possible. In fact she has about three close friends including the girl who works for the airlines, and the other two must be social rejects she met in therapy, but all they do is praise her and tell he she is beautiful, which she seems to require and they are two train wrecks. I have been in her presence three times and I have never seen anyone so self-involved. She never walks passed a mirror. And she is always looking for an excuse to take selfies. So is she Bi-Polar or is she a Narcissist or can you be both?

R380 She sounds like a classic borderline. The mood swings and constant invasive need to insert themselves into others lives is a tell tale sign. The entourage of followers who feel compelled to shower her with compliments is also seen in a lot of BPD cases. These people DEMAND constant reassurance and often become vicious when they don't get it.

My friend seems to always give in to her. He feels she just needs reassurance, and he appeases her. I worry about the guy. He fails to see that events in his life are her triggers. He has to go out of town? Boom, anxiety attack. Insomnia. Crying Jag. He has to start a new job that has a pretty long commute and unpredictable hours? Boom. Another one. He was supposed to go to a college football game with a few friends. He'd be gone overnight. Boom. Asthma attack. Sick in bed. I've know him since kindergarten, and he's a kind hearted peace loving, happy go lucky guy who loves his friends, and is very likeable. He's one of those guys who will pick up strays. His last shelter dog had three legs. Lately he looks tied all the time. Sunken eyes. He still smiles and makes the best of things, but I'm worried. What can I do to help him?

R380, I’d say borderline, too. If he’s put up with it this long, he’s probably hooked on the sex and the drama.

R382 there's nothing you can do. He has to want to leave. Maybe the relationship will eventually run its course.

R377 I was part of an internet group centered around fanship of a TV show where someone did this to me constantly. She would pick a fight over something minor that I brought up. Then she would go on about how she "didn't have the time" to care about said thing. When she was the one who picked the fight! Looking back, I realize that she tried this a LOT, but because I hadn't realized it, I didn't take the bait most of the time.

Though she was a Democrat, she was also a Christian who was active in her church, so I think she had a problem with gays. I remember her cheering when Crash won the Best Picture Oscar over Brokeback Mountain, even though she hadn't seen either movie. She said, "I love my gay friends, but I don't think that kind of behavior should be encouraged."

R380's friend, you in danguh, girl....

R386...thanks a lot... that is exactly the image I don't need to see because that is my biggest fear. She recently told my friend she doesn't think I like her. He said it's because I never say anything nice to her. She tries to look her best, and I don't even notice.... It's laughable, except it seems like she would try to interfere with his friendships if she felt threatened by them.

[quote]People who call celebrities and others they don’t know “a narc” (narcissist) - I see that more and more. It’s weird.

A narc is a snitch, slang for narcotics officer. People shortening words these days (season is now 'szn,' suspect/suspicious is now 'sus') smacks of stupidity and wanting to appear to be young, long after that party is over. Now they apparently aren't even doing it right.

[quote]One thing I remember from a psychology book is a clinician's description of a person with Borderline Personality Disorder creating maximum chaos inside an inpatient psychiatric unit and then sitting back to enjoy the show, disavowing any responsibility for it.

r387 Are you in love with your friend? Otherwise you sound a bit too invested in his life.

Nope, not in love, but he is like a brother to me, since forever. I came out to him, before I ever told anyone and he had a lot of chances to out me and he didn't. Him and his sister and I grew up together. So, yeah, maybe I do seem invested. But honestly being on an anonymous board talking about it has helped. I "love" you guys even the bitches. And this thread was the perfect place to put it out there. Honestly, I would have welcomed someone saying she's fine you're being anxious for nothing. But you are confirming my fears and the DL "diagnosis " of BPD is right on target. I've started researching it. I also want to educate myself so I don't contribute to making things worse.

R390, this is classic Straight Drama. Obviously she’s a troubled, manipulative person, however you care to categorize her. But that’s not the issue. HE’S the problem. Why is he drawn to this woman? Why is he enabling her?

[quote]Also laughing at other's expense or misfortune.

This immediately makes me think of Madonna, it's something I've always noticed about her.

I was born with a priceless gift.. the ability to laugh at the misfortunes of others

I wouldn't say it's priceless. I think a fair amount of it goes on. Especially among republicans.

[quote]When you meet someone for the first time, either a new neighbor or co-worker at a new job, and they immediately start bad mouthing other people.

Also, when you meet someone for the first time and they immediately begin telling highly personal stories about their lives.

you live in NYC

People you've known for years who've never once apologized for anything, even a very small thing. Then you notice that they're never wrong about anything and are quietly completely above reproach at all times.

R375 Fuck off, narcissism troll. I want to kick you in the ovaries with steel-toed boots.

I am not the narcissism troll.

Anyone who mentions "narcissism" is a troll.

Raging NPD is very advantageous in some fields, such as acting and politics.

Narcissists are among us most definitely, but the way people throw that word around these days is getting hilarious. If someone cuts them off in traffic, posts one too many selfies, or doesn't like their painting, they're suddenly a narcissist.

There are many different types.

The grandiose ones are the most classical ones who exhibit a "life is a party" vibe, but will never be there for you when things get bad or you wanna go deep. They're very surface-level, but not always unpleasant. They can be a good time in small does.

You have the coverts who are usually the ones who post mostly "woe is me" kind of posts on social media about how no one likes them, how sad they are, how no one ever understands their greatness, etc. These can be the most exhausting, because they're not even fun like the grandiose ones can be. Mostly, they just make you sad and are kinda pathetic.

The malignant ones are the ones you really need to watch out for. They're the most manipulative and really have zero empathy for anyone or anything. It seems like these are the most rare.

These terms really are thrown around willy-nilly online by people who don't know what they are talking about, aren't they? Narcissism, gaslighting, borderline personality, bipolar...

R403 sounds like an Axis II, Cluster B, narcissistic borderline autogynephile agoraphobic.

Cold eyes are a hint

Narcissism as a personality trait (or, as one poster called it earlier, a personality flaw) is much more common than Nacissistic Personality Disorder. Anyone can spot narcissism in another person. It’s really just a overly high sense of self worth, often going hand-in-hand with entitlement. But NPD is a cluster of personality traits including a deep underlying sense of insecurity and really needs a trained doctor or therapist to diagnose. Same with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Oh, and I think being estranged from one’s family, even if said family is toxic and that estrangement is a healthy move towards sanity, is still a warning that that person will have emotional problems and might not be good relationship material. Being raised in such a toxic atmosphere and carrying the burden of estrangement can weigh down the soul well into adulthood.

Believes they are the other gender and chops off perfectly healthy body parts to feed the delusion.

They watch and believe CNN.

R404, you made me laugh so hard. Thank you :)

Signs?

Obsession with Halloween and spending more on Halloween decorations than they do on a college education.

Add Independence Day to that list, r410. I have a middle class friend that spends $4-5k every year on FIREWORKS for her party. It makes me sick to think of literally burning that much money every year for a half hour show that no one really gives a shit about.

And don't get me started on those Arbor Day fanatics!

R402 Fuck off, narcissism troll. There is no such thing.

R412 The Boxing Day and Guy Fawkes obsessives are even worse.

Gawd, some of you have no understanding of the difference between being an asshole and a full-blown personality disorder.

Sharing odd enthusiasms aren't a sign of a personality disorder. Taking a bottle of pills, stalking someone, or ruining their career for failing to appreciate your 4th of July fireworks show is a sign of a personality disorder!

Thank you, R415.

I’m offended r415! I’m going to take a bottle of pills now. I hope you’re happy.

I had a boyfriend who was BPD and would always threaten to take a bottle of pills and sometimes actually take all of his pills. I wonder now if my life would be less scarred had I just let him take the pills. Instead, I helped him get treatment repeatedly and then threw his ass in jail. He still wound up dead.

So yes, I do wonder if I should have just let him take the pills that he wanted to do badly.

When people want to commit suicide let them. It's their decision. They know how miserable their life is you don't. If it leaves close friends and family members reeling they just have to deal with it and think of the pain that individual was going through.

You can’t just do that if you’re a mandated reporter, R419. If there was an investigation and it was found out you had knowledge or were even there, you could kiss your entire career bye.

R420, what's a "mandated reporter?"

When they open their mouth at midnight and a small automated cuckoo bird pops out 12 times and finishes with an evil laugh.

Also if they march very slowly toward you while wearing a shitty William Shatner mask, be careful.

They can give it but they can't take it

Again, R424, there's a difference between the signs of being an asshole and the signs of a full-blown personality disorder.

Everyone in their sphere of influence is broken and demoralized. Their employees, spouse, children.

They are morbidly obese.

Possible R427 but that sounds more like depression.

R428 - Definitely depression. And it can go much deeper.

Obese people are the ones dying from Covid

No, the unvaccinated are the ones dying from COVID, I'm involved with a network of ICUs and this is what I've seen for the last year. They are now of a great range of ages and weights, and from a lot of different backgrounds... with the largest segment being the rural poor. The ones who have been brainwashed by Faux News or who take their cues from their local ethnic communities, not the mainstream.

It's sad, but you have to let people make their choices.

If you voted for Trump either time, you're crazy. But the crazy insurrectionists VOTE and the Dems don't always get out the vote. The future looks scary.

I have to disagree with the assertion that a woman who has no woman friends has a personality disorder. My sister-in-law, one of the most together, loving, generous, and normal women I've ever known, chooses not to be anything other than acquaintances (on a need to interact basis, like for the kids) with other woman due to being stabbed in the back, lied about, bullied and betrayed by past women friends. She keeps all women at arm's length and won't get close to any. Women try, but no dice. She says she's never been happier aswqliving a drama-free life.

A man who refers to a woman as 'a female,' OP.

I'd be interested to hear more about the connection between personality disorders & people who have bad relationships with their mothers. It's one thing not to have close friends - a lot of adults don't - but I'm intrigued more by adults that develop intense relationships with people only to eventually fall out. That's behavior you expect from teens, not adults.

My brother's girlfriend is like a virus. They've been dating for 3 months and she insists on meeting and sharing and hanging out with all his friends, is overly familiar with them, acting as if she's known them for years. She embarrasses herself all the damned time with inappropriate behavior. She's obnoxious and overbearing, and has taken over his life. She's like a gatekeeper. Oh, and she always puts him down. Teases him and does it in a joking way, but her humor depends on bullying people. I've noticed that even his closest friends have started avoiding him. Like, if there is a group of people it's fine because you can avoid too much contact, like at a party, but otherwise they will be too busy to be around her. His BFF will call him to do guy stuff, and she will insist on coming along, even if she is the only woman in the group and insists on him explaining every reference. Don't tell me she's just an asshole. IMO she is nuts. Unstable, and she is having a terrible effect on him.

Their name is "Taylor Swift."

[quote]I have to disagree with the assertion that a woman who has no woman friends has a personality disorder.

Same here. Men are actually more likely to have fewer or no friends of any gender, and male friendships tend to be more shallow and conditional, in my observation. Maintaining friendships past turning 30 is difficult for most people, and making new friends is almost impossible as you age further. OP sounds both young and misogynist.

Almost all my friends are women. I'm a gay man.

I know a lot of women whose friends are almost all women, and I know a lot of women whose friends are almost all men, both straight and gay.

Some people are just more oriented toward one or the other.

It is interesting to me though that most married men do seem to cut themselves off from everyone but their wives, whereas most married women seem to have close friendships beyond their husbands.

If someone tells you he wants to "get to know your soul".

what if they tell you they want to get to know your hole?

They usually have made-up histories of surviving gruesome violence and rape. Also, a lot of lies and issues around the entire issue of reproduction.

R442, you just reminded me of a woman I met briefly when she was training to be my replacement at a job. We had lunch with the manager, a sort of farewell to me and a get-to-know-her thing. Her entire contribution to the lunch was a litany of her life’s tragedies. A break-up with a psycho ex that prompted her move to our city, her mother’s and brother’s deaths, a car accident, etc. A few times, we set our forks down and just looked at her in shock.

The manager seemed to express the appropriate sympathy, and I couldn’t tell if she recognized the red flags. I was so glad to get out of there, I just chuckled. They kind of deserved that nut.

[quote] It is interesting to me though that most married men do seem to cut themselves off from everyone but their wives

It’s usually the Mrs who cuts her husband off from his friends.

quote]It’s usually the Mrs who cuts her husband off from his friends.

This is hilarious. How does she do that? Taking his phone away, taking his car keys? Stamping her feet and blocking the exit? What husband is getting "cut off from his friends" by a woman?

Like, what exactly are you alluding to here?

R445, I have known cases where a new spouse or a new steady girlfriend or boyfriend tries to keep their partner away from his or her friends. Sadly, some new spouses or girlfriends/boyfriends do that because of insecurity. But I don't think women tend to do this more than men, or vice versa, it really comes down to the security or insecurity level of the individual.

[quote]It’s usually the Mrs who cuts her husband off from his friends.

yes, this was the case with my brother, she also alienated his family. At one point they were going to separate and he had no one, whereas she had a huge gang of gurlfriends. This is why men re-marry so quickly even after their beloved wives die.

[quote]This is hilarious. How does she do that? Taking his phone away, taking his car keys? Stamping her feet and blocking the exit? What husband is getting "cut off from his friends" by a woman?

God, you're stupid it's way more subtle and manipulative than that. Do you know any women? Do you know any wicked women or partly wicked women? I think not.

"Subtle yet unmistakable signs someone has a personality disorder"

They flake out on plans, don't return phone calls or messages, go AWOL for days.

And then when you see them next they never mention it or have a phony excuse.

R449, yes, and that behavior is closely related to ghosting and also to something called "bread crumbing," which I just recently learned about. Look it up, it's interesting.

[quote]Do you know any wicked women or partly wicked women? I think not.

"Wicked" women? Really? What century do you live in? Are you batshit fucking insane?

I think so.

Women wicked! Big he man can't stand up to wicked woman! She is demon! Must burn her at stake!

"Subtle yet unmistakable signs someone has a personality disorder"

They derail DL threads with off-topic pissing matches.

I had a phone conversation with my mother yesterday. My brother will be in town (local to both of us) on Thanksgiving. She said she doesn't want to go to an expensive restaurant, because it's not worth it to pay that much for something she could make at home. She doesn't want to go to an inexpensive restaurant, because why bother, it's not worth getting up and risking covid for that. (We can't go to her house because she's a hoarder, and she won't come to my house anymore because we only have one bathroom--that's her reasoning for not coming here.) So I asked if she would be angry if my brother went out to a meal with my family without her (my mother). She indicated that that would bother her. I said he is not coming here just to see you, it is also to see his niece and nephew (my children). She said my brother doesn't have to see my kids over a meal.

Would the rest of you say that I am dealing with someone with a personality disorder?

[quote]"Wicked" women? Really? What century do you live in? Are you batshit fucking insane? I think so.

what world do you live in? - you sound so innocent it's amazing.

A world where "Wicked" is a shitty musical and not a word used to describe people in seriousness. Innocent? Sure we can go with that. You sound super smart by the way, a real brainiac.

I'd rather sound like me than sound like whatever the fuck you are.

[quote]You sound super smart by the way, a real brainiac.

Yes, I am.

and you are not and it makes you aggressive and defensive.

"My sister-in-law, one of the most together, loving, generous, and normal women I've ever known, chooses not to be anything other than acquaintances (on a need to interact basis, like for the kids) with other woman due to being stabbed in the back, lied about, bullied and betrayed by past women friends"

R433, the common element in all those backstabbing-bullying-and-betrayal relationships is your sister-in-law.

My guess is that there's a side to this woman you're not seeing, and frankly, you're probably safe enough from her, because some women are kind and generous to men and just plain vicious to other women. It's not an absolute indicator of a personality disorder, but you've got to hope that women like this never have daughters.

[quote]It is interesting to me though that most married men do seem to cut themselves off from everyone but their wives, whereas most married women seem to have close friendships beyond their husbands.

[quote]It’s usually the Mrs who cuts her husband off from his friends.

You'd be surprised. I know the way people try to explain away the fact their friend no longer makes time for them is that it must be all the wife/girlfriend's fault, but believe me, many men CHOOSE to hang out less and less with their friends. That's probably something that would be too painful for the friends left to accept, so it gets blamed on the woman, but I've seen it happen many times. Its the "Yoko" affect. No one can believe that the men are more interested in spending time away from the group, but that's exactly what happens a lot of times. They have their family, their kids and pets and that's all they want.

R443 As someone who survived a horrific childhood, I don't consider a lot of tragedy in one's life a red flag. I do consider telling someone you just met about it one though.

R460, exactly.

R454, You need to stop paying attention to you Mother and go ahead and make a plan . Make sure your brother is on board. And honestly, get thee to Whole Foods and order their holiday meal. It will work out perfectly and it really isn't that expensive. Tell Mommy you want to see her and she is welcome if she decides to show up. But when you said she was a hoarder, that was a clue that she is disordered

Using the words "repig" or any other stupid term for people they don't agree with. It all exudes bloodlust.

Chronic unreliability and/or chronic dishonesty.

A habit of "getting back" over petty slights, real or imagined.

Seeking sympathy even from strangers.

[quote] Subtle yet unmistakable signs someone has a personality disorder

Unable to sit on the toilet without taking on their phone

R439, I actually like women a lot, and want to be friends with them, but I never married and have no kids. I’ve had women literally turn away from me at a party when they find out I don’t have kids, and go talk to another woman with kids. Some women are really clannish and it’s like high school, forever.

Recently I read a man on Reddit asking if “he was the asshole.” His wife was still friends with an ex’s mom. The ex had an emergency and mom couldn’t watch his kid, so the mom asked the ex gf to watch his kid (by his new wife) a couple of hours while they tended to this emergency. She said sure. This guy on Reddit said he came home, found some random kid in the house, threw a complete hysterical tantrum, and decided his wife babysitting this kid meant she was still having sex with her ex. Ex had been nowhere around the whole time, that’s exactly why he needed a babysitter. What was really discouraging is several other posters agreed this guy was justified to think babysitting someone’s kid was a sign of a cheating wife. They said the wife should never speak to the ex or his family no matter what ever again after she met her now husband. It was a sign she was unfaithful.

And you wonder why people drop their friends after they get married?

R185 splitting means black and white thinking. I recently got curious about what % of the people have personality disorders. Apparently, 1 in 10 people is walking around without a conscience. 3% of the people are psychopaths. 6% have NPD. They didn't mention BPD. That comes out to over 19 million people. The dark triad (NPD, PPD, and BPD) all have very similar traits but their motivations are different. People who are Malignant Narcissists are very dangerous vengeful people who are both Psychopaths and narcissists at the same time. Most of the trolls on the internet are in the dark triad according to researchers.

^^^no conscience no empathy.

"I don't consider a lot of tragedy in one's life a red flag. I do consider telling someone you just met about it one though."

Most people who have had horrific upbringings or who've survived a lot of tragedy or abuse don't talk about it to people they don't know well, they know damn well how unsympathetic people can be, and how they'll shut down their feelings when confronted with things they don't want to believe are possible. So many survivors of abuse or tragedy try to appear totally normal to casual inspection, because that's how they get accepted by co-workers or casual acquaintances. I've never talked about my abusive childhood with co-workers, the closest I come is when they ask me if I'm visiting family for the holidays, I say "Well, there's some issues there" and then I change the subject.

So yes, someone dumping all these tales of woe at a work luncheon with near strangers is waving a dozen red flags.

If they're unkind to animals, it says a lot more about them.

I've dumped guys I was dating after I saw them being mean to my cat when they thought I wasn't looking.

Women with no women friends is definitely a red flag, there’s a reason other women are avoiding them. Women who are the centre of a group of gay men should be avoided as well.

R436 sounds like a total abominable cunt who makes up stories.

So... what's the male equivalent of a woman who has zero female friends?

Or the straight male equivalent?

Carrying an AR-15 and a roll of gauze, inciting violence, murdering others, and being acquitted on "self defense".

R122, there is a difference between a personality flaw and a mental illness. The illness creates significant chronic problems for them in society or in close relationships. They may end up with significant legal problems like bankruptcy or criminal charges or cause others to have legal problems. They may end up as abusers or abused. These aren't people who are simply annoying, thoughtless or have some kind of odd behavior or poor social skill. They have chronic behavior patterns that result in either themselves or others being really unhappy or hurt.

R34, I am not surprised. Typically, the reason the person seeks treatment is for symptoms of an affective disorder. The PD makes these much harder to treat and may be the cause of the affective symptoms. I see a lot of medical records in my job and my reaction is always irritation or annoyance, because there is so much manipulation, lying and/or inconsistencies across doctors and therapists. This makes it difficult and more time-consuming to make a decision.

I recently read an interesting theory on Reddit's AM I THE ASSHOLE? Someone was saying that maybe these assholes (most of the writers are not the assholes. It's usually other people or family) are just undiagnosed adult autistics. The type of autism where the afflicted just don't know right from wrong, or don't understand that other people or animals have feelings. This seems that it would overlap with personality disorders.

^^^People with autism know right from wrong though. They may have a surfeit of empathy, but are unflinchinly honest, which comes off as mean or rude. What they describe sounds more like sociopaths.

R477, I think that really overstates what autism is. People with autism have trouble reading social signals, but they are not psychopaths.

It’s everyone else’s fault. Classic Personality Disorder trait.

They shit and piss on living room furniture

Children by more than two different people. It’s just as disgusting for men as women.

Spends all his time trolling a gay message board.

They treat servers and all service industry workers like shit.

What R34 said. I literally get a sense of dread at the prospect of being near them and get a stomach ache.

Literally cannot talk about any topic that doesn't relate to themselves. Everything revolves around them. Other people are just props or bit players in the story of their life. They are the star, always.

R34 I made a comment here a couple of months ago and someone responded to me and said I have borderline personality disorder. I see a psychiatrist regularly and I asked her if there's any chance I could have BPD and without a second of hesitation she let out a huge guffaw and said, "There is NO WAY you are borderline! Not even a little bit, not a chance! If you were borderline, I would not have seen you all these years. No way!"

R487 Most psychiatrists are delusional fucking assholes. That doesn't mean anything. You sound like a bunny boiler.

Being an asshole is not the same as having a personality disorder. A lot of people are just rude, entitled, antisocial and immature due to many factors. Not mentally ill.

I think of mental illnesses and personality disorders as different things.

Mild-to-moderate mental illnesses, equivalent to frequent colds/flus: depression, anxiety, bipolar type 2, OCD, ADHD. These can be harmful to themselves and benefit from medical interventions but generally can survive and potentially even thrive without them over the long term.

Severe mental illnesses involving uncontrollable mood shifts and psychosis, equivalent to something like multiple sclerosis: Bipolar disorder type 1, schizophrenia and similar perceptive and severe mood disorders. These can be harmful to themselves and to others and require medical treatment for baseline functioning and long-term survival.

Personality disorders, aka irreversible personality flaws equivalent to effects of lobotomy: narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial disorder, sociopathy and psychopathy. These do not require medicine and do not improve with medicine. Their hard-wiring is flawed and dysfunctional. They are always harmful to others and ideally should have as little social engagement as possible to limit the damage they cause.

There's a co-worker of mine with a horrible personality and, over the holiday break, about 12 of my co-workers have called each other and spoken about how we can't take it anymore. It's the anxiety and walking on eggshells whenever he's around that's becoming too much. Everything must be about him at all times and it's his way or the highway. He also happens to be the least creative and talented person in the group, but thinks he's always the one pulling the weight where we're apparently slacking.

We're still not sure what to do. He doesn't respond to any form of constructive criticism and can turn at the drop of a hat. People like this are exhausting.

WHAT DO YOU FUCKIN MEAN R491, YOU LITTLE HOMOSEXUAL BOY!!

Goes by multiple names among friends and on social media or has legally changed their name for no good reason.

They are estranged from entire family . They malign their family members

Long-term unemployment with no physical disabilities to account for it.

Who told you I had a personality disorder, OP, you fucking stalker? WHO WAS IT?

Not that I care. I pity you.

But I need you so much. I love how you look just the way you are.

(Fat as feral sow.)

Okay R494, but what if everyone in my family is estranged from some or all of the others? Does that mean we all have personality disorders?

R494 R497 Estrangement from family can be healthy but the red flags arise when a person disparages them or divulges too much too early in the “get to know you” period. That’s the tell.

People who barely know you yet tell you the agony of their lives. People who readily volunteer that they have mental health issues to co workers and casual acquaintances.

[quote]He also happens to be the least creative and talented person in the group, but thinks he's always the one pulling the weight where we're apparently slacking.

This reminds me of a terrible co-worker I had years ago. She was always focusing on what other people were doing, instead of focusing on her own work. As a result, she was always behind, which pushed her to gripe about other people more.