How to seduce straight football players?

Grow tits and a vag.

The usual advice; lift your caftan, smack your lips and say YUM!

How many threads are you going to post about this today, freak?

Pom poms. and a vagina.

1. Be female.

The End

3 bong hits and a 6 pack of Miller Genuine Draft

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Have a warehouse ofpainkillers.

Be a twink and attractive with a nice ass and somehow fish out one of the gay ones.

If they're having sex with you then they're not straight.

R6. Nailed it.

Some gays are seriously delusional.

Beer and weed have worked for me before…though mostly mutual Jos while watching porn.

Do what Laverne & Shirley did in an episode where they wanted to meet guys: they put a sign outside that said “Jeep for sale, bring flowers”.

Lots of meth will do it. Seriously.

R15, I’ll have to take your word for it.

R10 the bottom is gay, the top isn’t necessarily.

So tired of explaining this.

For some reason this thread reminded me - what happened with that football player who stomped the guy to death?

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It's a process!! Trust me...Phillywhore

R4. A rubber one worked for me…My “Try my fleshlight.” Craigslist post.

Just tell ‘em you need to duck cock

Straight like Aaron Hernandez?

Details please, R21.

Tell them you're Aaron Rodgers

I remember one of my employees being dumped by his boyfriend to be replaced by a QB. How embarrassing. He got the call when he was with me in the Med on a business trip.

I was totally empathetic and all that although I was ready to kill his now-Ex. Ha. These trips are complicated and stressful enough without personal drama being dumped on top of it all. I really felt sorry for the employee.

R26, who was the QB?

I played football through high school and for two years in college (division 1-A). Of course, I was closeted to my teammates, but I was out to close friends and my roommates. I have some observations.

The gay guys on college football teams, who go on to play professionally, are not the pretty ones. They are the linemen, especially offensive linemen. These guys are, usually, the smartest players – the ones with real majors and high GPA's. Alas, linemen are huge, tall as well as heavy. If they do not go pro, their bodies turn to flab. So if you like guys who are 6'6" and 350 lbs., well, you stand a chance.

Straight football players – indeed, any straight guys – are not going to be seduced by another guy.

If you succeed in seducing a "straight" football player, they were not straight to begin with. Jeezus.

Be an attractive lady instead of a gay weirdo.

R2 - I knew somebody was going to ask that. When you run in certain circles you NEVER EVER kiss-and-tell. That's why you are in, other than you have some kind of social standing for whatever reason, you know how to keep your mouth shut. Even saying what I did on a site like this is a calculated risk.

R28 - Yes. Hot bodies on occasion, though.

r28 oh blah blah blah. Stop shitting on my dreams.

Sports bars

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Carefully.

He walked, R18.

Not Tinder!

Present Hole.

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Coke

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I used to know a guy who is rich, and doesn't need to work, but amused himself by working as a part-time cleaner of a house rented for young footballers. With their constant training, they were permanently explosively horny, and while all mostly or dead straight, had him suck them off as part of his regular visits. They thought nothing of it. A new lad would come into the house, and quickly learn he was a 'willing mouth', and Bob's your uncle. He once watched while they had a wanking competition shooting loads at a wall poster of some celeb slut. He said by the end it was absolutely dripping. It perhaps helps that he's small and blond and quiet, and very very happy to please, so completely non-threatening to their masculinity.

Couple beers and present hole.

Depends what level of player you are going after, if you are in high school or college and are trying to get guys from your school's team, being smart will help a lot, especially if you have classes with them and you don't act star struck. Everyone in the class will offer to study with them, but they know none of them want to actually study. These guys aren't always the smartest, and even the intelligent ones just don't have a lot of time to study, so they actually want to learn the stuff because they have to, to stay on the team. So if they find a smart guy, who is cool and who actually will study, you will end up spending a lot of time together and then, well, let nature take its course...

Oh, and he said they're all very sweet and treat him very kindly. A got the impression he's sort of the house gay mascot.

Don't you understand? Most straights are disgusted by gays.

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OhPay it’s not even hard, y’know. Joost walk up and sit on their lap, and let them tayke it froom there, ya get me?

Be around and good listener when their cunt girlfriends break up with them.

You know how you don't feel sexual attraction towards women? Well, heterosexual males experience the same lack of sexual attraction towards men.

R46 nailed it. Most straights legitimately despise gays. A lot of them pretend to like gay people for either political or financial reasons, but in reality, they can’t stand them.

Approach one of those people, and you might end up being a statistic.

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Wig.

Hispanics will pretend to be convinced by the flimsiest of evidence that you’re a woman.