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Hooking up with guys you meet at NA/AA

I have a friend who has a habit of hooking up with guys he meets at his NA and AA meetings. I like him and he seems like a good guy but that seems kind of icky to me. Some of these guys are pretty newly clean too like a month or a few weeks. I’ve never been to an addiction support group is this considered okay behaviour? It seems a bit predatory to me.

by Anonymousreply 31October 19, 2021 2:26 AM

It is extremely predatory and disgusting.

by Anonymousreply 1October 15, 2021 5:29 AM


by Anonymousreply 2October 15, 2021 5:36 AM

He is not only hooking up, he is using with them.

by Anonymousreply 3October 15, 2021 5:36 AM

AA/NA is a cult.

by Anonymousreply 4October 15, 2021 5:38 AM

A lot of predators in AA/ NA

by Anonymousreply 5October 15, 2021 6:48 AM

I am a female who went to MA (weed) and it’s mostly men so I had a temporary male sponsor, at first we hung out he said we couldn’t hook up for a yr…he the proceeds to invite me on a weekend MA camping trip, share a tent and the next morning says “ wow, that yr went by fast.”

by Anonymousreply 6October 15, 2021 6:53 AM

My ex-roommate used to get all her hook-ups at Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings. She'd walk in with some guy and say, "I'd like to introduce you but he has to stay anonymous."

by Anonymousreply 7October 15, 2021 6:54 AM

^we had barely known each other a couple weeks.

by Anonymousreply 8October 15, 2021 6:54 AM

It’s known as the 13th step BTW

by Anonymousreply 9October 15, 2021 6:56 AM

I prefer Sexual compulsives anonymous. I can get blown right after the meeting, no strings.

by Anonymousreply 10October 15, 2021 11:07 AM

Some of the guys get very attached which may have to do with their newfound sobriety.

by Anonymousreply 11October 16, 2021 3:14 AM

I once gave a new guy a ride home from NA and he told me that he had just gotten out of prison the day before. Yikes! During another meeting a man spoke up and said that he had killed a man. To someone somewhat vanilla like me these meetings were not for the faint of heart. And I never saw so many tatoos at a place in my life!!

by Anonymousreply 12October 16, 2021 3:23 AM

R12, if you're so vanilla what were you doing at a Narcotics Annonymous meeting?

by Anonymousreply 13October 16, 2021 3:59 AM

R13 Because I had an addiction. There were not many gays there but I found help and a few nice people there.

by Anonymousreply 14October 16, 2021 4:05 AM

Predatory behavior occurs in these programs because there is such a high amount of addicts who are sociopaths or have personality disorders. They don't like following rules. It's also not the end of the world if people in program bang each other because they want to. They're adults, adults generally need to fuck and unless they're dealing with sexual addiction, its not such a bad thing for two sober people to have sex.

The informality of these programs prevents much from being done about it. But laws are laws. If someone gets you drunk or gives you drugs, you pass out and they have sex with you, that's rape under any circumstance. Doesnt matter where you met.

And I think people can be banned from meetings for being predators (offering themself as a sponsor, then offering their sponsee alcohol/drugs and then trying to push for sex).

by Anonymousreply 15October 16, 2021 4:17 AM

The 12 steps have such rigidity

by Anonymousreply 16October 16, 2021 4:19 AM

Apparently hookups are common w/the sex addiction groups. I went to see what it was like and they lectured on not watching free porn as the performer might stay in the industry because of you!

by Anonymousreply 17October 16, 2021 5:24 AM

I was going to start a thread on NA. It was going to go like this:

We hear a lot about AA, but what is NA like? Is it still around? Why doesn’t it get the same glory as AA. It’s been around just as long? Same founders? What’s the difference.

Etc. but then OP started this thread, so maybe they should be combined? I don’t want to be accused of being a dreadful thread thief.

by Anonymousreply 18October 16, 2021 5:38 AM

r18 use that magnificent machine in front of you and GOOGLE IT. Read about it. Then, if you have questions, ask them (I'd suggest a different board but first things first)

by Anonymousreply 19October 16, 2021 5:41 AM

This is not uncommon, but your friend is lacking in character.

by Anonymousreply 20October 16, 2021 5:41 AM

[quote] If someone gets you drunk or gives you drugs, you pass out and they have sex with you, that's rape under any circumstance

Well, it’s not rape rape.

by Anonymousreply 21October 16, 2021 5:44 AM

If I Google NA, then my computer will think I have a drug problem and will try to send me to rehab.

by Anonymousreply 22October 16, 2021 5:45 AM

NA is gritty and not much change happens . Lots of swearing

by Anonymousreply 23October 16, 2021 5:51 AM

I was dating a coworker and we were both ex drinkers but on a weekend getaway he couldn’t find AA but found NA. The attendees were taking turns reading from their NA text book and when it turned out to be an account of child forced porn production, my date said splits go now! So gritty indeed

by Anonymousreply 24October 16, 2021 6:48 AM

^ let’s not splits

by Anonymousreply 25October 16, 2021 6:49 AM

R24 Yikes!

by Anonymousreply 26October 16, 2021 3:59 PM

R22 IF YOU'RE using google chrome, try incognito mode. Click on FILE and then NEW INCOGNITO WINDOW.

by Anonymousreply 27October 18, 2021 9:52 PM

Well there are no worries about this any more, since all meetings are probably now on ZOOM.

by Anonymousreply 28October 18, 2021 10:00 PM

In NYC, the gay meth-related NA groups often led to hookups…on meth

by Anonymousreply 29October 18, 2021 10:15 PM

I know two former addicts that go to AA instead of NA because of the crowd at NA meetings. They’ve stayed clean and they’re honest at their AA meetings about their drug addictions rather than alcoholism.

I’ve never been to either, so I have no opinion either way.

by Anonymousreply 30October 18, 2021 11:23 PM

As R30 points out, AA is often preferred by drug addicts. NA meetings are far more rare outside of big cities and the people they attract are more depressing and extreme (which means during sharing, you're more likely to hear insanely horrifying stories).

AA is filled with people at all different stages of life troubles who realize they have a problem with alcohol and can use a program to support getting sober. It's young people who realize they've been drinking every night, older people who realize they can't enjoy life without alcohol and its affecting their marriages or work.

Meth and heroin addicts don't get help until they've hit levels of rock bottom most of us could barely comprehend.

by Anonymousreply 31October 19, 2021 2:26 AM
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