Nelly, but closeted

Then, how do you know he’s gay?

R1, reading comprehension is your friend.

“Nelly” was a great word but it may as well be the name of comfortable shoes without laces. That’s the only folks using them anymore.

I'm QUITE sure I don't know what you're talking about

Do you mean straight men who are nelly? I know one or two.

And I still think they’re gay.

[quote] Do you mean straight men who are nelly?

R5, reading comprehension is also your friend.

Well I never in all my life!

OP’s question is confusing.

If a man is “in the closet”, he’s gay but pretending not to be. If he’s all aflame, that isn’t very closeted.

I guess he acts effeminate but has a girlfriend? Or the OP knows for certain that he frequents gay bars or uses an app, yet pretends he straight?

Effeminate straight men exist, so you need evidence he actually is attracted to men such as seeing him kiss a guy to conclude he is closeted

I knew a guy like this in my 20s who would hit on me (frau) when he was drunk, but I could just tell his heart was never in it.

I went to his wedding to his lovely boyfriend this spring :-)

John Mulroney.

They are a rare breed, but do exist.

A gale male is not Nelly. He's NELLIE!

I knew someone who was like this in his 20s but decided to stop fighting and came out in his 30s.

richard Grieco

You mean Mulaney?

[quote] he’s gay but pretending not to be. If he’s all aflame, that isn’t very closeted.

That's rather the OP's point.

[quote] richard Grieco

Why him? He doesn't seem "Nelly" to me at all.

Clay Aiken, before he came out.

Conservative Aussie politician Christopher Pyne wins this

Sounds like me through 2 wives and 53 years.

[quote]Clay Aiken, before he came out.

He got savaged here for that pathetic denial in his Rolling Stone interview—the same one where he posed on the cover all sultry like Jennifer Aniston.

[quote]“One thing I’ve found of people in the public eye,” Aiken says, “either you’re a womanizer or you’ve got to be gay. Since I’m neither one of those, people are completely concerned about me. They’re like, ‘What are you, then?’ I’m sure it has to do with being raised by women. I wouldn’t want somebody gawking at my mom and grabbing her butt and catcalling at her, trying to hook up with her at a bar. I’m not saying I’m not going to look. Hello! But you know what I mean?”

When I was dipping my toes into the gay waters but not announcing it to anyone. One of the guys who came into the bar I worked at said he could see me from space.

Liberace owns this thread.

^ He was just unlucky in love and built a wall around his heart! 😞

My ex boss met her hubby doing theatre in college. He looked gay, acted gay and smelled gay. I don’t know how she couldn’t have known. Or she did and didn’t care.

Why are my little ol' ears burnin'?

I'm an eldergay who couldn't be bothered and "came out" when I was 18. Maybe a wise move but maybe not. At any rate over the years I've met many guys who were real sissies but claimed to be straight and I think some of them were. Big, straight sissies.

Nobody is butcher than a big butch gay man. Or woman. Love my gay sisters, butch or femme.

Gender stereotypes! Oh the horror!

Sexuality in our society is so unnecessarily complicated. Go to Spain or South America. As long as you're the top, all is understood and forgiven.

"He's flaming, but hides in the closet because he erroneously believes no one can tell he's gay..."

Why is every one looking at ME...???

Don't look at me!

Jeff Koons' basketballs floating in a tank.

Reporter Cameron Fontana is married to a woman, but it doesn't prevent his nelliness from busting out all over.

.,.,

Tony Randall was straight but always gave a gay vibe.

R31 I don't know much about Latin America, but you are completely wrong about Spain. European Catholics don't care what is your position in anal intercourse. They see all homosexual acts as unnatural fornication. Of course it's allowed inside the sacred walls of church and deep in the closet. But if you try to explain to European Mediterranean homophobes that you are a top, trust me, they wouldn't invite you to watch football and drink bears together. They are equally appalled and scared (at least pretend to be) by a guy that wants to plow mens' butts as the one that is plowed.

I've heard that top has the privileged position in Middle eastern Islamic cultures, don't know if that is true or myth. And of course inside gay community particularly her on DL, where he is considered to be a minor deity.

I was in the military with a guy everyone was 100% positive was gay. His dad and his brothers were all military officers, so I thought he was merely trying to overcompensate when he signed up himself and eventually married a woman.

Since the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, I know several formerly straight men who have husbands and boyfriends. However, I looked him up on Facebook and he now has young kids with his wife.

"R31 I don't know much about Latin America, but you are completely wrong about Spain. European Catholics don't care what is your position in anal intercourse."

But R31 didn't say "Catholic Spain" - he said "Spain". You do know that only around 20% of Spaniards are practicing Catholics.

"But if you try to explain to European Mediterranean homophobes that you are a top"

Oh, gotcha. You are making a judgment of Eastern Mediterraneans when you are referring to Spain? Except Spain is most definitely not Eastern Mediterranean.

"trust me, they wouldn't invite you to watch football and drink bears together."

On this, we likely agree. They aren't drinking bears.

"I've heard that top has the privileged position in Middle eastern Islamic cultures, don't know if that is true or myth. And of course inside gay community particularly her on DL, where he is considered to be a minor deity."

Top is a "minor deity" on DL? You haven't been here long.

Yes, Stan the Mormon.

Elizabeth Smart's father who denied being gay until he came out. That was a sad situation, but I'm glad that he finally declared the opposite.

Marcus Bachmann

OP has a pretty limited view about men in general. She probably has been stuck in the mindset of the boomers. Girlish straight men do exists, lotsa them in the aristocracy.

I used to work with one.

Checked every single gay box there was, including being extremely Nellie. Always claimed he was straight. No girlfriend, wife, lived with mother, etc.

R43, no, I'm not talking about guys who are actually gay. You have a pretty limited view if you think closet cases don't exist

Huh?

Jared Kushner ~ he should be coming out soon.

R40 It doesn't matter if they are practicing Catholics, Catholicism is deeply rooted in their culture and shaped the mentality. I am from Eastern Mediterranean country, Croatia, but know very well west Mediterranean countries Italy and Spain. Of course, there are a lot of progressive and non homophobic people in Spain, there was influental progressive movement La Movida after Franco's death and their socialist PM Zapatero was one of the first to introduce same sex marriage in Europe. But if you were talking about the progressive Spaniards I assure you they really don't hold tops in gay sexual in higher regards than bottoms. Logically so, because it would be very strange for progressive people to judge people upon their preferred sexual position.

As for Catholic and traditional people, some of them can be compassionate and milder, but Catholicism itself is very hostile towards homosexuality. It considers it unnatural and deviated and there is not a grain of truth in the myth that they despise the bottom while giving full acceptance to top. They think of top as equally deviated and degenerated for wanting to fuck men, instead of having "natural" procreative sex with women. Maybe a bottom would be slightly more despised for being "a woman", but straight homophobic man would be even more avoiding the top of fear that the degenerated beast would try to jump them. Of course, as i mentioned, homosexual activity, whether in top or bottom role, is very vivacious inside the church walls.

As for watching football and drinking bear, it's a manner of speaking, a phrase, but drinking beer is also part of football supporters straight male subculture, even in wine drinking Mediterranean country. My family is from Adriatic coast and are strict wine drinkers, but when Croatia played in the football World cup finale, guys brought bottles of lager even though it is not our tradition. Hence my remark.

Also, my family comes from communist background back to WW2, and consider church the enemy number 1, but there is so much Catholic atavism in us that is hard to eradicate.

I've heard those statements about some societies that are homophobic only towards men who practice bottoming while consider those who are topping to be straight. Something like ancient Greece and Rome, where homosexuality was tolerated in adult males if he was the active partner. Usually it is said that it is like this in Middle eastern Islamic cultures and some other obviously primitive and patriarchal cultures that tolerates sexual acts as long as you don't have the "female, submissive role". Because the important thing is not to be a woman.

On some threads I noticed that the same has been said about Balkans, Eastern Europe, Italy and now Spain. But this is absolutely not true. Because Christianity and particularly Catholic and Ortodox church that shaped mentioned nations' values was traditionally homophobic and anti homosexual. So either active or passive participant of sexual act which they consider unnatural and even bestial are committing a crime against nature in their mindset. Pre Christian societies were certainly more accepting than Christians. Their only tolerance is towards closet, they say: do it inside your four walls. So, a guy bragging in the pub how he is a top fucking guys wouldn't be considered as one of the dudes.

As for free minded, non religious and progressive people in these countries, I don't think they care what other people do in bed, nor who is the top.

So, I wonder where did those myths come from. It is only in the minds of some gay men with internalized homophobia who think that people will respect them if they claim to be tops.

What happens if the closet catches fire?

R50 If they are lucky they escape to Narnia

I heard this once and I think it's still true...

Why is it that the butchest lesbians and the nelliest gay guys think no one knows they're gay?

Aaron Schock before he (eventually) came out