Things Your Grandparents Used to Say

"The lokum needs to fall on his/her head" (lokum means toilet). Aka a clueless person needs to get a clue.

Shenanigans.

Rapscallion (fantastic word that needs to come back)

"Lie with dogs and get up with fleas."

My nanny spoke often of the Davenport and I had no idea what the hell that was.

Chesterfield!!!

"She talks so much she'll tell you whether she had a hard or soft BM!" (One of my grandmothers)

"She looks like a street walker with mileage." (older woman trying to look young)

"Your mother is a whore and you're not my *real* grandson"

Too much info?

“Shhhh! You’ll wake the dead!”

Whenever I was in a car and someone pulled out in front of them or someone crossed the street in front of them without looking they’d say “That’s how they make angels!”

If you were dumb or continuously lost something, you were told you “You could hide your own Easter eggs”.

When my grandmother was shocked or outrage she always said “Oh my god tonight!”

"That's common." (meaning bad behaviour or something low class such as hair styles, certain clothing etc... for instance, my sister wanted big, 80s hair, teased bangs and all, and my grandmother told her she'd "look common." lol).

“Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.”

Let us out! We’ll be good. We promise.

Negroes.

Referring to blacks as “colored” & never getting the memo that labels changed after the ‘60s.

“She looks like an unmade bed!”

Referring to morbidly obese women as 2-ton Susies.

Referring to drivers who persistently speed, tailgate, or run red lights: they want to run that light in the WORST WAY.

Nana:

He thinks he's somethin' on a stick!

It's hotter than a fritter!

ET SYEEEW! <--weirdest tiny sneezes ever

Honey, you're stomping too hard on those grapes.

"Mercy!!!!" My maternal grandmother's favorite word. She didn't believe in cursing, so mercy stood in for the f bombs I'm sure she really wanted to drop.

“At least the wind won’t knock you over!”

I was a chubby kid. The saying never bothered me until I became an adult and actually thought through what she was telling me. Jesus christ, Grandma.

“Well, you’re certainly proud of it” when we would be at a flea market or antique store, and she thought the item was over-priced.

Eat your liver

R19 is Jeffrey Dahmer

What are you, on parade?!!

This was said if you were walking too slow, and they wanted you to pick up the pace.

Response to any complaint: And people in hell need ice water!

Response to having nothing to do: Do it outside!

Response to having nothing to do: Empty my ashtray!

My grandmother always thought women were to blame if they would say about any woman under 22 who got pregnant (which she would call "knocked up"), "Well, she was certainly no better than she needed to be."

She would also say about any situation where an older man who got arrested for having sex with a female minor, "Oh, she knew exactly what she was doing!"

Sorry, I messed up my first line. It should have read:

"My grandmother always thought women were to blame in any sexual situation. She would say about any woman under 22 who got pregnant (which she would call "knocked up"), "Well, she was certainly no better than she needed to be."

"Jackie Kennedy e una puttana."

Jackie Kennedy is a whore per my nonna after Jackie married Onassis.

[quote] Response to having nothing to do: Empty my ashtray!

Oooh. I rather like your Gran.

גאי קאקן אין דר יום

Let’s reconnoiter

"You stinka!"

When asked if she’d like a second G&T at happy hour: “Can’t fly on one wing!”

Darker outside than a bull's belly with his tale shut down!

Grandma : “Are there any Negroes at your school?” Me: “yes grandma, 2” Grandma: “It’s best to be polite to them” I was never sure what she was getting at

"You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached to your neck! "

"Well, I swan!"

My grandmother used to say “My land” as an exclamation -“Myy LAND”. My Ukrainian grandmother had a lot of sayings. She often said “Old age is not happiness”. It rhymes in Ukrainian, so loses something in translation.

When presented with some situation that was less than desired, Gramma would say "Well, it's better than a kick in the ass."

Ladies should put their hair up immediately when they see the first sign of a wrinkle or a 'crows- foot' on their face.

I agree.

[quote]גאי קאקן אין דר יום

R27 Either your grandmother spoke crap Yiddish and/or Google is not your friend. It's גאי קאקן אויפן ים

Young women who partied were chippies.

Sore/broken body parts were "bum": He's got a bum leg.

Reacting to our questions with (then) incorrect grammar: It's behind the "at." (Don't oh dear me; grammar rules have changed.)

Confirmed bachelor.

"I wish I had that woman's fur coat and she had a feather up her ass- we'd both be tickled." This phrase would be altered according to the desired item.

I don't know much about my grandfather but my mom said he would say to her "mustard custard and you ya big poop" and make up swear words like "Sour Owl shit." My Grandmother who was drunk most of the time would come into my playroom and call me a sissy. Whore Fat whore Dumb Bunny Ninny Kapoodlypoot Tickled pink She took great pride that in her 80's she could still get her legs up over her head. German Men had the best dick(thanks for the tip granny) You have two layers of blubber- that's why you are not cold. (to her youngest daughter)My mom.

“His elevator don’t go to the top!”

“He’s a bigger bum than ten arses”- Referring to a braggart. “She’d frighten the French” -A fearsome type. “Your arse in parsley”- You are talking nonsense. “It would but a beard on you”- It’s boring.

My Glaswegian grandparents would come out with this kind of nonsense all day. Where they really excelled was with their abuse of popular TV personalities or celebrities whenever they came on screen. They would turn the air blue.

[quote] than a bull's belly with his tale shut down!

Awww. Who told the bull to stop telling his story?

[quote] Reacting to our questions with (then) incorrect grammar: It's behind the "at."

I don’t get this.

My grandmother used to say:

I need [something negative] like I need a hole in my head.

[When someone is in the bathroom]: What happened in there, did you fall in?

My grandparents were no good for these things, and dead too early in my life for any to have registered. But I had a college friend from stern and sturdy New England stock who had grandmother who spoke almost entirely in Cotton Mather-y cautionary advice.

To any question or situation she would respond with something like:

"A stitch in time saves nine."

"Idle hands do the Devil's work."

"Good, better, best. Never it it rest, until your good is better and your better best." [i.e., In response to someone saying he had a good day at school, or at work, or a good report card or report from the doctor.]

"Don't ever take a fence down until you understand why it was put up."

She had an endless catalogue of them, evidently, and I always grilled my friend for the latest examples.

"Maude" - what my grandmother called the "Golden Girls"

R38: are you the Yiddish Nazi now?

Not my grandparents, but my mother’s oldest brother’s wife was what we called quite “Dutchy” and spoke a lot in the Pennsylvania Dutch dialect. She would say those classic lines like “Throw me down the stairs my suspenders.” and such. They were considered the undeducated branch of the family.

I was shocked when my grandmother once said "I only took a where's bath." Also when she complained about a Lebanese American owner of a store that "She always tries to Jew you down."

It was the South in the early 1960s.

^whore's bath.

Fuck autocorrect.

R38, just do this:

[quote]גאי קאקן אין דר יום

טאַקע, ליב

On Datalounge we spell our Yiddish with Roman letters.

Oy vey!

R15, I don't get that one.

I presume r15 was when someone was making too much noise upstairs.

Thanks R57, that makes sense.

I thought it was someone belaboring a point or trying to convince someone of something.

*shrug*

Could be R59.

Oh go on with you. People in hell want ice water.

"Mutton dressed as lamb."

Under her breath when an older woman dressed like she were twenty passed by.

"Don't be boisterous." (Keep the noise down)

"At this point, it would just be gluttony." (When asked if she wanted dessert)

Clean your plate, think of the children of Biafra.

R64 That seems oddly specific.

מיידלעך מיידלעך! איר זענט אַלע וואַגינאַס

Grandma:"Heavens to Betsy!"

Any woman who wore too much perfume smelled like a French whorehouse. A cold day was colder than a witches tit.

"Groovy"

The shvartza comes to clean on Tuesdays.

Biafra famously suffered famine.

Have a seat on the davenport.

Don't sit that close to the TV!

“Well I swan!” My grandmother

Uffda - She was born in Norway

If Grandpa shot a look at Grandma while she was talking she’d say, “ Alright Marv, I’ll shut up and let you talk.”

Let's see my grandfather always said to follow the money. My grandmother was good coming out with "Fuck em' all. " Now the sage thing with my grandfather he was right. If you want to see what's wrong with this country just look at where the money comes from.

"Stop that! You'll go blind and grow hair on the palms of your hands"

"Can I at least do it until I need glasses"

"Yeah, well, her feet don't track."

“He’s so mean when he dies they’ll have to beat his liver with a stick!”

Never really understood that exactly.

Either literally or metaphorically, the phrase "to throw on the brakes," from early automobiles when you'd work ("throw") a lever to brake the car, rather than to hit a brake pedal with the foot.

All my mother’s old books and greeting cards from her mother were inscribed/signed, “To Honey, from Mummy.”

Since the beloved lady’s now gone, I send my mom books and cards reading, “To Mummy, from Honey”.

I think this tradition stops with me.

My in-laws used to say “throw down” a tree. “Yeah the city’s coming tomorrow to throw down that tree.”

“The branches came off that tree over there so they’re going to throw it down.”

Who “throws down” a tree?

"We're fcuking! Close the door and get outta here....!"

"Uglier than homemade sin"

"So buck-toothed she could eat an apple through a picket fence"

"If it was rainin' soup, I'd have a fork"

“The sun is ovah the yahdahm” (in a Maine accent) - meaning, it’s 4 p.m. and time for a drink.

"Turn off the lights when you leave a room, you little bastard. Do you think I shit money?!"

If someone was mentally off, i.e., had some kind of mental illness or was mentally challenged in some way, "He ain't right."

Or, alternatively, "He's touched," usually accompanied with an appropriate facial expression.

“Two axe handles.”— any fat woman

“What is this world coming to?” — when anyone of color on TV

Close the refrigerator door, the food will get spoiled!

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they'll get stuck that way!"

“Oh jeezum” because she didn’t take the Lord’s name in vain.

Names she called men she didn’t like: “pantywaist” “bum” “good-for-none”

Women: “snake” “Jezebel” “frump” and the worst insult of all was “lazy” or “bad mother”.

My grandfather would say “your good name is worth more than gold” and “you can’t unring a bell” “measure twice, cut once”. And now that I think about it, those things were about making mistakes that are unfixable. Huh.

He also explained to a very young me, merchants’ tricks; his parents had owned a small grocery store when he was a boy (which was well over a hundred years ago!). Like pricing things as “buy two, get one free” and how to display (women like to rummage around, men want easy access). Stuff like that.

R42 the mustard custard line is a favorite of my father’s.

My Italian grandma didn’t have any cute sayings but she was an Elizabeth Taylor wannabe with some real cutting remarks. On a weird neighbor: “She doesn’t go out that much anymore. Well, I wouldn’t either if I were that homely.”

She called a rich cousin a “tacky phony with an ugly house to match.”

My souther grandma would say something was “some kind of good”…a messy room looked like “who shot John”….town slut looked “ridden hard and put away wet”…”got the brains God gave a goose”…

And if someone was really goofy looking she’d comment they looked like they were built out of spare parts.

mangia e sta 'zitto

Zip up your coat! (It's 70 degrees outside...)

With grandparents like these, no wonder we all came out like this.

My grandfather used to say bosheviki instead of saying bullshit. There were a lot of joke or soundalike 'swears' back in his day.

"What in tarnation?" and "Boy, I'll skin you alive!" She "worshed" her dishes, and she never seemed to have enough "Rs" in a day.

CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST

You're not going to be a Communist!

My grandmother actually said this to me in my hippie phrase.

If we were standing in front of the tv, blocking the screen : You make a better door than a window!

If we were being lazy : When did your last servant die?

I can't believe that no one wrote "Money doesn't grow on trees!"

“Grandpa, how do you feel?”

“With my hands.”

R54 R66

נאָכ אַ מאָל, גוגל איז נישט דיינע פרויַנד

R104, did you laugh, every time?

Would you like me to stick a broom up my arse and sweep the floor as well?

What are your legs? Painted on?

R106 - I sure did. He never gave a straight answer, just a rotation of 6 or 7 wisecracks.

Fetch me my coin purse.

You children are behaving like wild Indians!

"You daresn't do that"

" From your mouth to God's ears"

(doing something for a long time)... "Since Christ was a Corporal"

[quote] Who “throws down” a tree?

We do. Ever hear of a caber toss, laddy?

[quote] On a weird neighbor: “She doesn’t go out that much anymore. Well, I wouldn’t either if I were that homely.”

[quote]And if someone was really goofy looking she’d comment they looked like they were built out of spare parts.

😂😂

I actually got two great guffaws out of these.

My grandparents had a particular loathing for Petula Clark. I have no idea why. Whenever she appeared on TV they would shout, “She’s a diseased looking cunt! “

R112 - my grandma’s version was “since Broadway was a prairie.”

When she thought my sister was wearing too much makeup she’d sigh “There’s always been a 5th Avenue and a Broadway.”

Keeping a secret... "Does Macy's tell Gimbals"

Strong disagreement — “I’d sooner kiss your ass in Macy’s window!”

[quote]Does Macy's tell Gimbals"

At least Macy can spell GimbEls.

“Pour me another Gin and Tonic, and don’t be so god damn skimpy on the Gin this time!”

R119 - I’m not the misspeller, but Jesus H Christ - Gimbles closed in 1986 and he’s relating a phrase he only heard aurally. How about contributing in the spirit of the thread and keep useless pedantry to yourself. .

My Scots grandfather called a paper bag a poke.

R121 must be new.

Who put grandpa's ass-plug in the dishwasher??

"I'm not racist, I have a color TV!"

My grandmother taught me what NOCD means. She used it to describe her new neighbour!

@r119, I had it spelled "GimbEls" spellcheck said no, "Gimbals" ... Just like it's telling me now

"Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth". Meaning overt coyness or insincerity

R127 Learn something, starting with don't depend on spellcheck.

And with that, I think we can all say that we've glimpsed a veritable fountain of knowledge now that we all know the correct spelling of "GIMBELS!!"

LINE!

@r129, let it go, it's called a mistake. Who cares?

Only on DL can a discussion titled "Things Your Grandparents Used to Say" turn into a lecture on the proper spelling of a long-gone department store!

R122, “Poke” is still in use in Scotland.

You’ve got the same clothes to get glad in.

R133 seriously! What a bunch of buzzkills those twats be.

Did you wash your pussy yet?

Some absolute gems on this thread.

Straighten up your spine, you'll become a hunchback!

"You can't get blood from a stone!"

My grandma on someone with a big nose: "She could eat olives right out of the jar!"

On someone with long teeth: "She could eat an apple right through a picket fence!"

On someone unattractive: "She's no oil painting!"

“We won the war but lost the peace.”

- My grandmother in the 1970s, when Japanese cars became popular

If you don't behave, I'll take you back to the cabbage patch you were found in.

My grandmother loudly at a party after a couple left, "You'd think if he's not rich at least he'd be good-looking".

My Grandpa used to love singers like Lena Horne or Leslie Uggams. Whenever they'd come on the Ed Sullivan show, he'd say, "Now there's an attractive Negress!"

[quote] My grandma on someone with a big nose: "She could eat olives right out of the jar!"

I don’t get this one.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!

My maternal grandmother used to call soap operas “stories”.

As in “don’t talk to me when my stories are on“

My mother did, too.

My grandmother called them “soap-box operas.”

R13 The other Grandma saying which similar to yours about large ladies was ‘She looks like a ship in full sail’.

Cut a hog in the ass - made a mistake. She has rounded heels - she’s a whore and been around the block.

Her last Christmas, she looked around the table during dinner and said, “I’m having a wonderful time, but I don’t know who any of you people are.”

Alzheimer’s can be rough.

True, but at least you get to meet new people every day.

R152 - you certainly do. Her happy response was always Oh, you’re my grandson? I’m learning so much today!” when I explained who I was.

R153 thatbis so incredibly sweet (yet, sad).

R150 Rounded heels? lol I think the expression is round heels.

Jump my bones

When referring to an excessively over-sized garment being worn by a female: looks like it was "made by Omar the tent maker"

You think "negress" is bad - my grandparents called black people "poop skins". It started when I was a little kid and saw my first black person delivering our couch. I whispered to my mom that his skin looked like poop. She told her parents and forever afterwards, they thought that was a funny joke to be brought up every time I saw them. "Remember when you told your mom..." My grandmother would say, "that was so cute". SMH

Mother Fuckeress

Prostitution whore!

I've heard a good number of these saying used right here on DL over the years. Now I suspect our grandmothers have been posting—or that we all ultimately become our grandmothers.

When my Mother fell and scraped her knees crying: “Your knees will get well but I have to buy you new stockings.”

When you wished for something: “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.”

Bite your tongue!

[quote]saw my first black person

sigh

I'll slap you into next week!

Ray Charles could see THAT!

You've got more shit than Carter has liver pills! WHAT?!!

Your parents adopted you.

When I got tall: "You could eat beans off my head."

I can’t wait for the companion thread, “Things written on your grandparent’s headstones!”

An unattractive person (male or female) was "uglier than a mud fence in July."

[quote]A cold day was colder than a witches tit.

My grandfather used to say "colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra."

"Fetch me my Pall Malls."

We need more benzine.

Your mother may have worn white on her wedding day, but she was lying in front of her family and God!

If a woman was haughty/had a high opinion of herself my grandmother would say "well, doesn't she just think she's the belle of the ball!"

A face like a fen cat.

If you didn't close the door "Were you born in a barn?"

Lordy, Lordy, cut off my legs and call me shorty.

Her ass is as wide as Texas.

Your ass sucks carpet tacks!

Go fetch me that.

There are kids starving in Africa!

You look like the Wreck of The Hespers (look like Hell)

PA Dutch Grandparents: Up the road a piece.

Make out with the lights.

Would you fetch me that?

Come in if you have speck on you knees. (I still don't get that one)

I'm just putting up some peaches (canning)

"Hackin' like a tree dog" referred to constant cough/clearing of throat

A fart in the mitten.

I like that, but in what context would it be said?

Shut your ass

Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which one fills up first!

That was a lovely neighborhood until the blacks moved in and ruined it.

My grandmother used to say: "You'll melt in the rain."

I was terrified during every thunderstorm.

R184 Usually people say it's ok to go out in the rain, "You're not going to melt." I never heard that you *will* melt, though.

When something surprised her she would say, "Well I declare!" But because we were from the south it would come out sounding like "Iddy Claire," so as a young child I always thought she was talking about a friend whose name was, you guessed it, Iddy Claire. I can remember once asking my mom who Iddy Claire was and my mom literally cried with laughter.

Drinking coffee (tea or Kool-Aid) will stunt your growth!

Grandma: Water rises to its own level.

[quote] I always thought she was talking about a friend whose name was, you guessed it, Iddy Claire.

I didn’t guess it.

My grandmother was from Portugal. When she'd see some news report about a drug arrest she'd say "I do not understand these children taking the false drugs". To her any drug not prescribed by a doctor (my grandfather was a doctor), or bought over the counter in a pharmacy, was not a real drug, but a false drug.

Maternal grandmother:

"You're entirely welcome"

"The Man upstairs"

"Can't you sit still for 5 minutes?"

Paternal grandfather:

"Want a drink of pop?"

"Gee, Mare" (My grandmother's name was Mary)...When I was a little older I used to amuse myself by singing about her, "The ole grey mare, she ain't what she used to be". (Actually, I loved my grandmother)