Let's Be Things That ABSOLUTELY RUIN a DLers Day
I'm the old lady on line ahead of him at the supermarket who pays in cash and takes coins out her purse to get to the exact amount.
Because I am old I mess up twice and need to recount the fifty-three cents, thus delaying our DLer by about 90 seconds.
He will hiss and fume all the way home where he will start a thread entitled "Elder Fraus Who Insist On Paying With Loose Change!"
|by Anonymous||reply 272||October 18, 2021 12:06 AM
On the other hand, I thought it was a widely accepted myth almost all Dataloungers were eleventy billion years old themselves?
|by Anonymous||reply 1||October 12, 2021 12:20 AM
I'm the barista who shouts out "Rich" instead of "Richard" when placing his order on the counter.
Compounded by the Millennial who looks up from his phone to say "Hey, I think that's yours dude."
Dude!! What is this world coming to!!!
|by Anonymous||reply 2||October 12, 2021 12:22 AM
Assume the DLer in question is 65 but looks 55, R1 and the old lady is actually 75.
|by Anonymous||reply 3||October 12, 2021 12:22 AM
I'm a woman living her life.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||October 12, 2021 12:27 AM
I have been dismayed a couple of times when running across somewhat younger gay couples at the supermarket who had never heard of Designing Women, let alone its famous line that refers specifically to them.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||October 12, 2021 12:27 AM
I'm a happy, out gay man.
|by Anonymous||reply 6||October 12, 2021 12:28 AM
I am me and I am confident that I fit the thread title description.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||October 12, 2021 12:29 AM
I'm the Golden Girls rerun preempted for live coverage of a deadly fire in a local seniors residence.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||October 12, 2021 12:31 AM
I'm the straight guy on Onlyfans who doesn't show cock.
|by Anonymous||reply 9||October 12, 2021 12:34 AM
I am the poster who starts a thread about THE SAME FUCKING TOPIC the DLer started a thread about back in 2018.
I am worse than Hitler.
|by Anonymous||reply 10||October 12, 2021 12:41 AM
I am a three year old child who observed "Look Mommy! A doggy!" when the DLer and his shih tzu Mitzi Gaynor strolled past.
Yes you little twat, it is a doggie! Are you going to get a medal for knowing that? And why won't your fucking frau mother keep you quiet while I am trying to listen to my music!
|by Anonymous||reply 11||October 12, 2021 12:43 AM
I'm a natural disaster that didn't kill anyone
|by Anonymous||reply 12||October 12, 2021 12:43 AM
I don’t get mad at old people.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||October 12, 2021 12:44 AM
I am a very attractive porn star at least 30 posters are gushing over
But I am uncut!!!!
Ewwwww!!!! Stink cheese!!!! Ewwwwwww!!!!
|by Anonymous||reply 14||October 12, 2021 12:45 AM
I’m a coworker cradling her “FALL Y’ALL” mug.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||October 12, 2021 12:47 AM
I am the electric car the DLers brother in law just bought.
Why would anyone need an electric car>
They seem dangerous!!
Elon Musk is a freak!!!
Electric cars are probably nouveau riche and declasse!!
They don't even have a stick shift!
|by Anonymous||reply 16||October 12, 2021 12:48 AM
I;'m the local Dollar Store. We were out of pound cake today!
|by Anonymous||reply 17||October 12, 2021 12:50 AM
I thought the dishwasher was filled with dirty dishes. So I put in a plate and a fork. And then I realized it was clean and had not been emptied. And now I can’t remember where I placed the dirty plate and fork….So I need to run it again!!!
|by Anonymous||reply 18||October 12, 2021 12:50 AM
I am the keying error in r 13. The thread is about the dire state of our democracy. But the DLer is yapping about the typo in five follow-up posts maintaining that he right and other posters are lazy asses.
|by Anonymous||reply 19||October 12, 2021 12:53 AM
I’m the Oh, dear when a poster inevitably has incorrect grammar.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||October 12, 2021 12:53 AM
I am the "B R E A K I N G N E WS" in the headline of the original post that is outdated after two hours but still lingering around for two hundred replies when the news is really old and stale. But for those two hours my original poster got some attention and finally had one thing that people were actually interested in.
|by Anonymous||reply 21||October 12, 2021 12:58 AM
I’m the sound of flip flops that causes an apoplectic episode.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||October 12, 2021 1:14 AM
I'm Meghan Markle. I exist.
|by Anonymous||reply 23||October 12, 2021 1:15 AM
I am even the whisper of a THOUGHT of a pitbull
|by Anonymous||reply 24||October 12, 2021 1:16 AM
[quote] I'm the old lady on line ahead of him at the supermarket who pays in cash and takes coins out her purse to get to the exact amount.
You forget that she doesn’t begin to search for her wallet or her change purse in her huge pocketbook until the cashier presents her with the total, as if having to pay was a surprise. Of course, after paying, the wallet and purse must each be carefully closed and returned to their places in the pocketbook before she makes way for the next customer.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||October 12, 2021 1:19 AM
I'm the dismay that women no longer wear hats and gloves in public anymore, as Mother and Grandmother always did. Today's women look so low-class! What happened to dressing like a lady?
|by Anonymous||reply 26||October 12, 2021 1:24 AM
I'm the store that does not ****gasp**** accept CASH! Cards and phone payments only! What is this world coming to?
This is so stressful a long soak in the tub and some episodes of Designing Women are in order.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||October 12, 2021 1:26 AM
I'm flyover land. What did I do to any of you?
|by Anonymous||reply 28||October 12, 2021 1:28 AM
[quote] I'm the dismay that women no longer wear hats and gloves in public anymore
You forgot nylons and girdles. I’m dismayed about that too. Such slatterns we have traipsing among us.
|by Anonymous||reply 29||October 12, 2021 1:30 AM
I'm a man over the age of 30. I'm sexually repulsive despite being over 30 myself.
I'm also under the age of 30. I'm intellectually and morally repulsive unless you're trying to sleep with me. Then I'm the most treasured creature on Earth.
|by Anonymous||reply 31||October 12, 2021 1:52 AM
[quote] I'm flyover land. What did I do to any of you?
President Donald Trump.
|by Anonymous||reply 32||October 12, 2021 2:25 AM
I'm the other DLer who disagrees with him.
|by Anonymous||reply 33||October 12, 2021 2:34 AM
I’m a New Yorker who loves living in the city and has no desire whatsoever to move.
|by Anonymous||reply 34||October 12, 2021 2:36 AM
There's nothing in this thread that would remotely bother me. What is this "Designing Women" that R4 refers to though?
|by Anonymous||reply 35||October 12, 2021 2:39 AM
I'm the college bro doing the towel dance at the gym locker room.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||October 12, 2021 2:41 AM
I’m the chipper co-worker who stops by on Monday morning to ask how your weekend was. I have a extra talk half caf percent latte extra foam with Stevia. I’m sorry I didn’t ask if you wanted anything! My weekend was great, thanks for asking. I had a great time at the craft store, picking up supplies to make my new seasonal wall art and homemade candles. I still smell like the craft store and a shit ton of vanilla lotion. I then proceed to hog the copier, leave my copies on it and it’s now jammed.
|by Anonymous||reply 37||October 12, 2021 2:42 AM
So the OP is a homophobic cunt, I see.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||October 12, 2021 2:43 AM
[quote] I'm the office potluck.
It's a soupluck not a potluck.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||October 12, 2021 2:55 AM
I am the toxicologist holding out on releasing my report on that who died from heat stroke in Devil's Gulch. I've had the results sitting here for weeks, but it's fun watching those bitches in the hiking thread melt down 😉
|by Anonymous||reply 42||October 12, 2021 2:55 AM
I am the person ask why the acronym for “what ever happened to” is “WHET”
|by Anonymous||reply 43||October 12, 2021 3:20 AM
I'm the DL site freezing on a photo of Lens Dunham, nude and spread-eagled.
|by Anonymous||reply 45||October 12, 2021 3:22 AM
No, OP - it's the old biddy that writes a check.
OR if you're a special Datalounger - you'll hiss like a tea kettle when they only have a self checkout line open.
|by Anonymous||reply 46||October 12, 2021 3:22 AM
Self checkout lines are Kryptonite to our eldergays. They get so pissy about all that newfangled technology.
|by Anonymous||reply 47||October 12, 2021 3:24 AM
The sight of a tattoo or uncut penis......
|by Anonymous||reply 48||October 12, 2021 3:27 AM
Observing his new beau draining pasta.
|by Anonymous||reply 49||October 12, 2021 3:29 AM
I am the straight celebrity who is actually 100% straight, and is hiding absolutely no gay skeletons in the closet.
|by Anonymous||reply 50||October 12, 2021 3:44 AM
I am a center-left voter. Fox News infuriates me, but MSNBC irritates me, too. I believe in pragmatism over ideology, and that ignorant people can be found in either party.
|by Anonymous||reply 51||October 12, 2021 3:49 AM
I'm a trans person. I irritate some DLers by existing.
I'm a liberal who doesn't hate trans people, has an IQ over 10, and didn't drop out of high school in the 9th grade which makes me "woke" and therefore EVIL.
|by Anonymous||reply 52||October 12, 2021 3:52 AM
I'm an openly gay celebrity
|by Anonymous||reply 53||October 12, 2021 3:53 AM
I’m 4 time Emmy winner Dan Levy. Maybe some of you old grandpas have heard of my television show Schitt’s Creek?
|by Anonymous||reply 54||October 12, 2021 4:02 AM
I'm the low-paid worker who performed my job to the DLers satisfaction. Then, and only then, will the DLer say "thank you." I (low-paid worker) then say, quelle horreur, "No problem." I should be saying, "It is my sincere pleasure, Sir."
|by Anonymous||reply 55||October 12, 2021 4:13 AM
I’m the fat woman with an above average looking boyfriend.
|by Anonymous||reply 57||October 12, 2021 4:21 AM
I am Roxane Gay and I am EXHAUSTED.
|by Anonymous||reply 58||October 12, 2021 4:22 AM
I am a straight guy who walks his toddler around in the park.
|by Anonymous||reply 59||October 12, 2021 4:22 AM
Fuck you, OP. I am not charging $3.08 - you'll just have to hold your horses, little man.
|by Anonymous||reply 60||October 12, 2021 4:24 AM
[quote]Let's Be Things That ABSOLUTELY RUIN a DLers Day
It's DLer's Day, you illiterate moron.
|by Anonymous||reply 61||October 12, 2021 4:28 AM
When the frau in front of me gets the wrong order at Starbucks oooh lordy.
|by Anonymous||reply 62||October 12, 2021 4:30 AM
I'm 45 but get mistaken for 35 all the time. My fellow DLers are just jealous.
|by Anonymous||reply 64||October 12, 2021 4:36 AM
I'm a very fat trans woman of color who is on the autism spectrum with a lot to say about cancel culture, and you are seated next to me on a plane for a 5 hour flight!
|by Anonymous||reply 65||October 12, 2021 7:35 AM
Going to DL and seeing another thread about the latest narcissists of TikTok or Instagram; some loner's new obsession for a fat-fuck Lebanese daddy; and frau threads on junk food and the royal grifters.
|by Anonymous||reply 66||October 12, 2021 7:48 AM
I'm the other gay who shows up at the Condo board meeting wearing exactly the same caftan...
And the other gay wears it better, as they say...
|by Anonymous||reply 67||October 12, 2021 7:56 AM
If it's a mob of DLers ruining one DLer's day, it still counts. I'm the food post ending with a standalone "Delicious."
Has anyone ever dipped a McRib in ranch dressing? Delicious.
English muffin. Delicious.
Coconut oil is too sweet for me. I make my bulletproof coffee with bacon grease and garlic butter. Delicious.
I am struck by the realization that I shall NEVER again dine with Mother! Oh, how I long for her raw veal tongue in aspic. Delicious.
|by Anonymous||reply 68||October 12, 2021 8:37 AM
R68, don't you mean "Delish"?
|by Anonymous||reply 69||October 12, 2021 9:25 AM
I am the moment when, flipping through the channels on my old school cable box, I catch Rachel Ray saying "delish"
|by Anonymous||reply 70||October 12, 2021 10:17 AM
I am the Instagram post by the DLer's sixty year old sister-in-law that says "Made these yummy pumpkin spice muffins yesterday! Yay pumpkin spice season!"
|by Anonymous||reply 71||October 12, 2021 10:18 AM
I am literally the word "literally"
|by Anonymous||reply 72||October 12, 2021 10:18 AM
I am the 73 "likes" for the Instagram post at R71
|by Anonymous||reply 73||October 12, 2021 10:19 AM
[quote] I shall NEVER again dine with Mother! Oh, how I long for her raw veal tongue
Your mother sounds like she had one weird fucking tongue.
|by Anonymous||reply 74||October 12, 2021 10:26 AM
I am perfection. I never pay by check, usually by card and if it is going to be cash I've toted up my items, added tax and fished out the exact change beforehand.
I do all this of course while the aforementioned customers are holding up the line as it suddenly dawns on them they are actually going to have to pay for their purchases, like it's the first time in their entire lives they ever have been in a supermarket. Get a move on lady!
|by Anonymous||reply 75||October 12, 2021 10:29 AM
I am the trans coworker that shows up to work looking like a cross between a Gwen Stephani backup dancer and a cheerleader with an obscenely shirt skirt. I treat shared space like it was a Wendy William’s talk show all about the intricacies of trans rights and I am Wendy.
When I’m called on my bad behavior, to avert getting written up I have emotional breakdowns, storm out of meetings, or simply ignore you.
|by Anonymous||reply 76||October 12, 2021 10:54 AM
I am the good looking guy next door who does not bond with my adorable Lhasa Apso. The very arrogance of it!
|by Anonymous||reply 77||October 12, 2021 11:13 AM
I am the casually acceptance of slang and mispronunciations that I hear on the TV and mainstream media. I am the misunderstanding of British Royal Family protocol. Lord help you if it’s a misunderstanding of the Japanese Imperial Family or some smaller European monarchy!!!
|by Anonymous||reply 78||October 12, 2021 12:18 PM
“Class, what is cancel culture?” “Todd, not again!”
|by Anonymous||reply 79||October 12, 2021 12:42 PM
Being called "sir" at Aeropostale.
|by Anonymous||reply 81||October 12, 2021 12:47 PM
I understand some gay men have sex WITH THE LIGHTS ON (gasp) and, what's more, after they finish their business, they don't immediately leap out of bed and tearfully run to the shower to scrub all evidence away!
|by Anonymous||reply 82||October 12, 2021 12:48 PM
I am Ideal Weight, aka DL obese.
|by Anonymous||reply 83||October 12, 2021 12:51 PM
r25 Yes, but does she pack each item carefully into her bags while there's a queue of people waiting in line behind her thinking of how they'd like to murder her?
Because if she doesn't, she a fucking amateur.
|by Anonymous||reply 84||October 12, 2021 1:02 PM
I'm the party of tourists at least six abreast, walking so slowly to take in the sights of this busy urban scene - often we stop dead to take photos!
Also, we like to stand still in a cluster on the left of all escalators.
|by Anonymous||reply 85||October 12, 2021 1:10 PM
I am the fat frau at work bragging about her potato salad recipe that does not include capers!
What is she thinking!!!!
And of course the other fraus all tell her how "yummy" it is.
It's a good thing Mother is not alive to hear about this.
|by Anonymous||reply 87||October 12, 2021 1:31 PM
We are men over 40 who insist on wearing denim!
|by Anonymous||reply 88||October 12, 2021 1:32 PM
I'm the bluetooth speaker that cunts insist on blasting in public spaces.
|by Anonymous||reply 89||October 12, 2021 1:35 PM
I am the 32 waist Guess? jeans that have been hanging in the closet since 1980.
They still don;t fit.
|by Anonymous||reply 90||October 12, 2021 1:35 PM
I'm the DLer who doesn't think "Two Old Queens Who Only Have a Minute" is funny.
|by Anonymous||reply 91||October 12, 2021 1:37 PM
I'm the slight suggestion that Hillary Clinton is not actualperfect.
|by Anonymous||reply 92||October 12, 2021 1:43 PM
R85 I call those people Meanderthals. They clog the sidewalks!
|by Anonymous||reply 93||October 12, 2021 1:43 PM
(try that again)
I'm the slightest suggestion that Hillary Clinton may not actually be perfect.
|by Anonymous||reply 94||October 12, 2021 1:43 PM
I'm the poster responsible for 20% of the posts in a "Let's Be" thread. I think I'm hilarious despite obviously not even remotely understanding the concept.
|by Anonymous||reply 96||October 12, 2021 1:45 PM
I am Jake Gyllenhaal pretending to be straight.
|by Anonymous||reply 97||October 12, 2021 1:47 PM
I'm any mention of Lil Nas X on a certain website.
|by Anonymous||reply 98||October 12, 2021 1:54 PM
R99, you have missed the point of the thread.
It is not a thread about traits of a DLer, it is a thread about things that ruin a DLer's day.
|by Anonymous||reply 100||October 12, 2021 1:58 PM
Who is "Mother"? I keep hearing references to some classy old broad. Is she someone's mother in particular or a general character?
|by Anonymous||reply 101||October 12, 2021 2:01 PM
Yes, genius, and their thin skin inevitably ruins their day because they can't take anything that doesn't land on their terms.
|by Anonymous||reply 102||October 12, 2021 2:01 PM
You don't really understand how comedy works. But you are a perfect example of a thin skinned DLer so 5/10!
|by Anonymous||reply 104||October 12, 2021 2:06 PM
You sweet thing, where did you get the idea I care what you think?
|by Anonymous||reply 105||October 12, 2021 2:11 PM
LOL... the great comedy expert hanging out on DL. Naturally.
|by Anonymous||reply 106||October 12, 2021 2:11 PM
r94 I prefer your inadvertent neologism of 'actualperfect.' I will use it ASAP.
Ruin a DL'ers' day? Anything negative said about that sainted boy Timothee Chalamet.
|by Anonymous||reply 108||October 12, 2021 2:17 PM
I'm a good looking male actor with a long-term girlfriend who has just come out as "pansexual"
I am the same actor "admitting" that he has a "queer sensibility"
|by Anonymous||reply 110||October 12, 2021 2:31 PM
I'm the store that stopped stocking caftans in sizes above 3XL.
|by Anonymous||reply 111||October 12, 2021 2:35 PM
[quote] Let's Be Things That ABSOLUTELY RUIN a DLers Day
[quote]Ruin a DL'ers' day?
OP and R108 , hell-bent on ruining this DLer's day.
|by Anonymous||reply 112||October 12, 2021 2:43 PM
I'm the hard boiled eggs added to potato salad
|by Anonymous||reply 113||October 12, 2021 2:51 PM
"I can say whatever I want."
|by Anonymous||reply 114||October 12, 2021 3:04 PM
I'm someone who identifies as bisexual AND queer!
|by Anonymous||reply 115||October 12, 2021 3:05 PM
[quote]I prefer your inadvertent neologism of 'actualperfect.'
I too thought that 'actualperfect' was the white-hot hip new version of 'flawless.' But from such mistakes is DL's vocabulary enlarged. It hasn't ruined my day at all.
|by Anonymous||reply 116||October 12, 2021 3:21 PM
when the hooker wants to be paid in advance
|by Anonymous||reply 117||October 12, 2021 3:44 PM
Pop ups on pron sites when you don't know what an ad blocker is.
|by Anonymous||reply 118||October 12, 2021 4:12 PM
I'm the gaggle of cackling bachelorettes cozying up right next to him at the gay bar counter.
|by Anonymous||reply 119||October 12, 2021 4:23 PM
I'm the judgmental heteronormative woman asking you publicly "so when are you gonna turn your parents into grandparents?"
|by Anonymous||reply 120||October 12, 2021 4:25 PM
R117 R119 QUELLE HORROR!!!
|by Anonymous||reply 121||October 12, 2021 4:26 PM
[quote] I’m the sound of flip flops that causes an apoplectic episode.
I'm the *look* and appearance of flip-flops. One must wear a tasteful pair of leather thongs or sandals. All feet are per se "nasty."
|by Anonymous||reply 124||October 12, 2021 5:07 PM
Someday standing there using the payphone for half an hour, ignoring you while you're obviously getting jumpy because you've got an important call to make.
|by Anonymous||reply 125||October 12, 2021 6:05 PM
I love that some DLers don't even get that we're mocking their hissy-prissyness on this thread and are instead chiming in to affirm how positively awful these things are.
|by Anonymous||reply 126||October 12, 2021 6:05 PM
People at the buffet who create towers of food on their plates, more than they can possibly eat. Then come back with fresh plates for more.
|by Anonymous||reply 127||October 12, 2021 6:11 PM
[quote] Someday standing there using the payphone for half an hour, ignoring you while you're obviously getting jumpy because you've got an important call to make.
Nothing a well-timed “Move it along, Toots” can’t resolve.
|by Anonymous||reply 128||October 12, 2021 6:16 PM
People actually still use payphones? How quaint.
|by Anonymous||reply 129||October 12, 2021 6:18 PM
I am the lurid, sordid tackery considered a prom dress these days. I myself never went to a prom [italic](nor did I want to!)[/italic] but even I know today’s young girl should dress like Princess Grace circa 1961 at a benefit for the Ballet Monte Carlo.
It’s almost like these chits want to be dragged to a dewy, moonlit football field and ravished by half the brawny, straight toothed football team. Inexcusable. And incomprehensible!
|by Anonymous||reply 132||October 12, 2021 6:29 PM
My nieces dress like WHORES!
|by Anonymous||reply 133||October 12, 2021 6:35 PM
R128 You can say that to the guys in your neighborhood, not mine. They're doing business on those phones, for a reason. Capiche?
|by Anonymous||reply 134||October 12, 2021 6:38 PM
I am the unwritten thank you note from the grand-niece the DL sent a $25 Apple gift card to for her community college graduation.
|by Anonymous||reply 135||October 12, 2021 6:38 PM
Who is this Billy Eyelash, anyway?
|by Anonymous||reply 136||October 12, 2021 6:42 PM
I'm a successful, out gay man.
I will be torn to bloody shreds in any and all DL threads.
|by Anonymous||reply 137||October 12, 2021 6:43 PM
I'm Datalounge Primetime.
|by Anonymous||reply 138||October 12, 2021 6:43 PM
Comcast announces that TCM has been moved from the basic package to the sports and entertainment package.
|by Anonymous||reply 139||October 12, 2021 7:29 PM
A random PI noticed something that the Moab cops missed, or ignored.
[quote]A private investigator has speculated that Gabby Petito could have died from asphyxiation having seen the bodycam video with Utah police
[quote]Jason Jenson, an investigator who is based in Salt Lake City, told Fox News Digital that he thinks Ms Petito’s body language in the 12 August bodycam footage from Moab, Utah could indicate that she was asphyxiated.
[quote]During the Utah incident, Ms Petito told police that Brian Laundrie, her fiancé, had grabbed her face during a domestic dispute.
[quote]“I wouldn’t be surprised that it’s manual strangulation,” Mr Jenson claimed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s choked her before. Any victim that’s been choked before—their natural reaction is to lower their chin to their clavicle to prevent that hand from going around their throat.”
|by Anonymous||reply 140||October 12, 2021 7:40 PM
Sorry. I absolutely just ruined the thread.
I’ll see myself out.
|by Anonymous||reply 141||October 12, 2021 7:42 PM
When a trick asks for meatballs and a clean bath towel.
|by Anonymous||reply 143||October 12, 2021 8:02 PM
I'm the cute new 20-something clerk at your favorite clothing store who, when questioned about a particular item, says,
"I'm pretty sure we don't carry that in your size."
|by Anonymous||reply 146||October 12, 2021 9:45 PM
R146 I didn’t just cry, I wailed. For twenty minutes, in a dark parking structure, I mourned my dignity.
Lest we forget.
|by Anonymous||reply 149||October 12, 2021 10:45 PM
I'm 21st Century music blasting all day next door.
|by Anonymous||reply 150||October 12, 2021 10:47 PM
I am a female colleague, and I am pregnant. AGAIN. Did I mention that my husband is much, much better looking than I am?
|by Anonymous||reply 151||October 12, 2021 10:56 PM
I'm a woman, and sometimes, I have to leave work early for child care reasons.
I leave earlier than my gay male coworkers.
|by Anonymous||reply 153||October 12, 2021 11:04 PM
I'm a woman, and I have to leave early to run the lives of my children. The are in their late teens and nearly adults.
|by Anonymous||reply 154||October 12, 2021 11:08 PM
Like, I'm an Instagram muscle twunk and I am FIRE. 🔥I don't know who, like, Mitzi Gaylord or Elaine Stretch are because I'm too busy gettin my bussy blown out by other hot dudes on the regular.
|by Anonymous||reply 155||October 12, 2021 11:11 PM
I'm the blank look the DLer gets from his Millennial coworkers when he says he saw something on "Channel 2"
|by Anonymous||reply 156||October 12, 2021 11:17 PM
I'm the ability to pay for things in most stores with an Apple Watch
|by Anonymous||reply 157||October 12, 2021 11:18 PM
I'm the fact that all the hot straight guys at work ignore the DLer but love the Office Lesbian because she can talk to them about sportsball all day
|by Anonymous||reply 158||October 12, 2021 11:20 PM
I'm the mere mention of paying for anything with an Apple Watch or Smartphone. This most basic element of 21st Century society is met with hissy prisspot derision.
|by Anonymous||reply 159||October 12, 2021 11:20 PM
R159 What office is this? As if Muffler is talking to this magical office of hot straight bros.
|by Anonymous||reply 160||October 12, 2021 11:25 PM
I'm the hot 20something guys who don't even use the locker room at the gym. They just throw their sweatshirts in the corner and then drive home to shower, denying our DLer the opportunity to see them shirtless, let alone nude.
|by Anonymous||reply 163||October 12, 2021 11:35 PM
[quote]R141 Sorry. I absolutely just ruined the thread. I’ll see myself out.
“Ruined the thread”?
How about your viciously misplaced post ruined MY LIFE ? ! ?
|by Anonymous||reply 164||October 12, 2021 11:37 PM
I’m the opinion someone else continues to post even after the elder has composed no fewer than 18 devastating insults specifically intended to shut me down. The elder cannot BELIEVE that anything so vile as I have not withered in the face of his repeated assaults. He has tried reason, cutting humor, and even a presentation of the facts. Soon it’ll come to all caps, the ignore button, and gin in quantity.
|by Anonymous||reply 165||October 12, 2021 11:38 PM
[quote] Someday standing there using the payphone for half an hour,
I am the year 1987. When time froze for our Dtaalounge Eldergays.
And payphones still existed.
|by Anonymous||reply 166||October 12, 2021 11:39 PM
Pay phones are still around. It’s actually very democratic. Not everyone can afford a cell phone.
|by Anonymous||reply 167||October 13, 2021 12:56 AM
I’m Mike from Palm Springs. What did I ever do to you all?
|by Anonymous||reply 168||October 13, 2021 1:10 AM
I'm the scratch that appeared on my Original Broadway Cast album of "Follies" that mysteriously appeared after Consuelo's last visit.
|by Anonymous||reply 170||October 13, 2021 1:51 AM
I'm the DL thread that was just closed to non-subscribers.
How is a senior supposed to save money these days? Fuck you, Muriel.
|by Anonymous||reply 171||October 13, 2021 1:56 AM
I'm the envelope in the hotel room nagging you for a tip, like guests are supposed to tip cleaning ladies. Stop this now, or next it'll be cab drivers with their hands out.
|by Anonymous||reply 172||October 13, 2021 2:19 AM
R155 Mitzi Gaylord or Elaine Stretch?
Who are these people?
R167 I didnt know that payphones still exist in some countries. They're all gone here, some have been converted into Wifi hotspots
[quote]I'm the DL site freezing on a photo of Lens Dunham, nude and spread-eagled.
R45 that would ruin ANYONE's day!
R90 I have some size 32 jeans hanging in the closet which dont fit. They're too big, I'm 28-29
R108 Timothee Chalamet. is actualperfect for me, but I do recognise he isnt to everyone's taste
R144 talking of sights that'd ruin anyones day....'
R146 I used to get the "I'm pretty sure we don't carry that in your size." a bunch of times until I put on some weight. I can manage 30 in now as long as I got a belt to get it to stay up
|by Anonymous||reply 173||October 13, 2021 3:57 AM
R173 And you've no doubt got $2.5 million in the stock market and look at least 10 years younger than your real age.
|by Anonymous||reply 174||October 13, 2021 4:04 AM
R174 - he’s also looking to date an 80 year only, but only one who owns his own home. No Renters!!!
|by Anonymous||reply 175||October 13, 2021 4:11 AM
I was going to say "rightwing trolls who try to turn fun, unrelated threads into political flamewars would ruin a DLer's day" but apparently DLers absolutely ADORE those guys, as long as they use a cute typo like "actualperfect."
|by Anonymous||reply 176||October 13, 2021 4:21 AM
I'm a ludicrously large pickup truck with NRA and TRUMP 2024 bumper stickers.
|by Anonymous||reply 177||October 13, 2021 4:39 AM
r177 that absolutely ruins the day of anyone with a modicum of intelligence.
|by Anonymous||reply 178||October 13, 2021 4:42 AM
I'm a parent with a baby, a toddler, a carseat and a stroller at a DLer's departure gate.
|by Anonymous||reply 179||October 13, 2021 4:43 AM
I'm the relatives and straight friends who can't help but keep asking, "Don't you ever regret not having kids?'"
|by Anonymous||reply 180||October 13, 2021 4:49 AM
How I picture DLers reading this thread.
|by Anonymous||reply 181||October 13, 2021 4:53 AM
How I picture DLers reading this thread.
|by Anonymous||reply 182||October 13, 2021 4:55 AM
I had initially thought "V8 Fairy" was named after the salty tomato juice beverage
Then I learned the moniker referred to car engines.
At which point I envisioned a hefty Eldergay with a great big pot belly
Now, at R173, I learn V8 Fairy has the same waist size as the Darfur Orphan and may have the body shape of a small twink.
This has not ruined my day by any means but it has turned it upside down.
|by Anonymous||reply 183||October 13, 2021 10:02 AM
I’m the recent and not watched Dune remake.
|by Anonymous||reply 185||October 13, 2021 11:45 AM
I'm the VCR tape that finally broke after you kept watching the same 15 seconds over and over again.
|by Anonymous||reply 187||October 13, 2021 12:02 PM
"Yeah, you're gonna suck that dick, aintcha?"
|by Anonymous||reply 188||October 13, 2021 1:32 PM
[quote]when the hooker wants to be paid in advance
The reason why this can ruin a Datalounger's day is because it means the escort is not attracted to him, knows that there will be disappointment, and therefore wants cash in advance.
|by Anonymous||reply 189||October 13, 2021 2:12 PM
But my escort is just waiting to fall in love with me! Who wouldn't want to live here in Mother's house, with Mother's fine doilies covering every surface?
|by Anonymous||reply 190||October 13, 2021 2:18 PM
[quote]R189 it means the escort is not attracted to him, knows that there will be disappointment, and therefore wants cash in advance.
If you’re not kidding… I would think this was standard procedure for hookers everywhere? From what I’ve read, they get burned by a client early on in their careers who refuses to pay afterwards, and then they’re (rightly) like, “Never again.”
(“I’m not here to make friends.”) (Reality show hooker)
|by Anonymous||reply 191||October 13, 2021 3:03 PM
I’m a looming dinner with the MAGA cousin I haven’t seen since Nov. 2016.
|by Anonymous||reply 192||October 13, 2021 4:18 PM
I'm shorts and flip flops, in the city! In the CITY!
It's absolutely barbaric!
Thank goodness Mother isn't here to see this.
|by Anonymous||reply 193||October 13, 2021 4:45 PM
Assuming that all gay men are really just fraus like them. At least pay the fucking annual membership fee. This isn't a magazine rack at the grocery store. Gay men don't give a flying fuck about Meghan.
|by Anonymous||reply 194||October 13, 2021 4:50 PM
I'm the old person toddling along with a walker who reminds you that one day you're going to end up like this. May you live that long.
|by Anonymous||reply 195||October 13, 2021 5:31 PM
I'm the partner with the drinking problem always causing drama.
|by Anonymous||reply 198||October 13, 2021 5:52 PM
I'm the partner with the cheating problem always causing drama.
|by Anonymous||reply 199||October 13, 2021 5:58 PM
I'm Joel asking why this drink tastes funny.
|by Anonymous||reply 200||October 13, 2021 6:15 PM
R4 We're just tired of you fraus doing entitled/sociopathic/annoying shit and then claiming to be victims. Many of you are totally unaware of how tiresome you are and many of you never seem to take responsibility for anything.
|by Anonymous||reply 201||October 13, 2021 6:21 PM
I'm a frau posting on Datalounge at R4 and I have clearly RUINED R201's day and then some.
|by Anonymous||reply 202||October 13, 2021 6:25 PM
I’m the text that reads “For all intensive purposes, I hate mask’s so much I could care less about they’re revelance in the fight against COVID.”
|by Anonymous||reply 203||October 13, 2021 6:30 PM
I'm the woman at R202 and instead of acting like a human, accepting that criticism of shitty behavior is a not personal attack, I get defensive and become more of an asshole by needlessly psychologizing anyone who threatens my ego. I am the empress with no clothes.
|by Anonymous||reply 204||October 13, 2021 6:37 PM
I'm R204 and now my WHOLE FUCKING WEEK IS RUINED!!!
|by Anonymous||reply 205||October 13, 2021 6:44 PM
I'm the Best Picture Oscar winner, Crash. I beat Brokeback Mountain.
|by Anonymous||reply 206||October 13, 2021 6:47 PM
[quote] I'm the partner with the drinking problem always causing drama.
This type of blip on the radar does not ruin a DLers day! Partner just needs some TLC and understanding. This relationship is worth fighting for!
|by Anonymous||reply 209||October 13, 2021 6:55 PM
Never cared about the Oscars again.
|by Anonymous||reply 210||October 13, 2021 6:56 PM
[quote] I would think this was standard procedure for hookers everywhere? From what I’ve read, they get burned by a client early on in their careers who refuses to pay afterwards, and then they’re (rightly) like, “Never again.” (“I’m not here to make friends.”) (Reality show hooker)
Yes, I think getting the money up front is a good business practice for a hooker and lots of other professions.
|by Anonymous||reply 211||October 13, 2021 6:58 PM
Sure, if you’re a STREET WHORE.
|by Anonymous||reply 212||October 13, 2021 7:01 PM
Actors are whores, and actors are paid up front.
|by Anonymous||reply 213||October 13, 2021 7:01 PM
I'm the Jeopardy contestant who mumbles every single reply and engages in nonsensical conversation with the host. Talk about a ruined day.
|by Anonymous||reply 214||October 13, 2021 7:04 PM
I'm the frustrated airline check-in clerk who considers myself a de facto government official. If I can find a problem with your documents and deny you boarding it will make my day.
|by Anonymous||reply 215||October 13, 2021 7:10 PM
I'm the TSA agent that finds your Ken Ryker dildo and stack of Inches, Mandate and Honcho magazines packed away in a suitcase.
|by Anonymous||reply 216||October 13, 2021 7:46 PM
I'm the old classmate you run into after 20 years who asks, "So, still in the closet, are you?"
|by Anonymous||reply 217||October 13, 2021 8:14 PM
Buying a house unseen from a realtor.
|by Anonymous||reply 218||October 13, 2021 8:48 PM
A Breaking News story interrupting the afternoon soaps.
|by Anonymous||reply 219||October 13, 2021 8:53 PM
I am the word “gift” used as a verb.
(That drives me absolutely crazy!)
|by Anonymous||reply 220||October 13, 2021 9:17 PM
I am the poster who uses the phrase "a half-century ago" to describe events of the early 70s when the DLer was in college.
|by Anonymous||reply 221||October 13, 2021 9:28 PM
I'm the people calling on your cellphone at dinnertime using up your minutes pretending that you owe money for a traffic ticket 10 years ago in a state you've never been to.
|by Anonymous||reply 222||October 13, 2021 11:00 PM
Hearing someone call mauve "light purple."
|by Anonymous||reply 223||October 13, 2021 11:07 PM
When the smoking hot muscle jock sitting next to you in the cafe tells his "bro" that he likes classic oldies.
"You know, bro.....like the nineties!"
|by Anonymous||reply 224||October 13, 2021 11:08 PM
r189 here....embarrassed to admit I've hired more than my fair share of escorts and "masseurs" in my time, and the vast majority do NOT ask for money upfront - maybe I look non-threatening and live in a decent neighborhood, so they trust me more? In any case, the handful that did ask for money upfront were very disappointing, unengaged, and bored - and they knew they would be, hence the request for cash before anything started.
|by Anonymous||reply 225||October 13, 2021 11:19 PM
I'm the authentic love that exists between two happily married homos. I trigger a tsunami of vitriol amongst the unpartnered who insist that one of us is cheating or that we're just roommates.
|by Anonymous||reply 226||October 13, 2021 11:27 PM
r218, wouldn't it be selling a house unseen to an elderly man?
|by Anonymous||reply 227||October 13, 2021 11:39 PM
I'm the reminder that cologne is no longer a thing for American men under the age of 60 regardless of sexual preference.
|by Anonymous||reply 228||October 14, 2021 12:21 AM
For the 758th day in a row, Chris Watts has not responded to any of the creepy, stalkerish letters I've written to him in prison.
|by Anonymous||reply 229||October 14, 2021 12:47 AM
[quote]And you've no doubt got $2.5 million in the stock market and look at least 10 years younger than your real age.
R174 I wish! I've got about one percent of that, and a 20 year old car. No idea if I look young for my age, most people look younger for their age esp if they dont drink or smoke and keep outta the sun
|by Anonymous||reply 230||October 14, 2021 12:51 AM
I'm the Gap Playlist Troll.
|by Anonymous||reply 231||October 14, 2021 3:28 AM
I'm "of" used as a verb form.
|by Anonymous||reply 232||October 14, 2021 3:52 AM
We're the people in doctors' and dentists' offices who refuse to give you proper respect and keep calling you by your first name like you're some sort of child.
|by Anonymous||reply 235||October 14, 2021 8:14 AM
We're the stacked books.
And I'm the stack of used textbooks, purchased at an extortionate markup. I've ruined entire lives.
|by Anonymous||reply 236||October 14, 2021 8:49 AM
I'm the cute guy in tennis shorts who shamelessly crowded in front of you at Safeway yesterday. The legs, remember!
As soon as I looked backed and smiled I knew you weren't going to make a fuss. But that were going to be damned mad at yourself as soon as you got home.
|by Anonymous||reply 237||October 14, 2021 11:44 AM
[quote]egardless of sexual preference.
I'm the use of the obsolete and inaccurate term "sexual preference."
|by Anonymous||reply 238||October 14, 2021 12:59 PM
I'm the end of yet another day when Trump has not stroked out.
|by Anonymous||reply 240||October 15, 2021 3:07 AM
We're the Covid-infected rolls and pastries in the self-service bakery department which you see being man-handled by filthy customers who refuse to use the tongs the supermarket has thoughtfully provided. "Get your bloody hands off me, you creep."
|by Anonymous||reply 241||October 15, 2021 3:46 PM
The assholes that keep driving up and down my street morning, noon and night roaring their loud tailpipes. They'll even do this shit at times like 4am. It's always some white trash hillbilly rednecks.
|by Anonymous||reply 242||October 15, 2021 4:09 PM
I've got it.
The tattooed, pierced transgender woman writing a check in the self check out lane while cradling a mug in one hand
|by Anonymous||reply 243||October 15, 2021 4:13 PM
*with a pitbull emotional support animal r243!
|by Anonymous||reply 244||October 15, 2021 5:00 PM
Yes! LOL RescueChick you added the pièce de résistance!
|by Anonymous||reply 245||October 15, 2021 5:01 PM
We are customers who don't even attempt the refold the shirts after they've picked them up to look at them.
|by Anonymous||reply 247||October 15, 2021 5:46 PM
[quote]The assholes that keep driving up and down my street morning, noon and night roaring their loud tailpipes. They'll even do this shit at times like 4am. It's always some white trash hillbilly rednecks.
This should be punishable by torture and death, preferably how Lorna was dispatched in "Hostel 2".
|by Anonymous||reply 248||October 15, 2021 6:05 PM
This is why we need The Purge.
|by Anonymous||reply 249||October 15, 2021 9:00 PM
I'm the end of the day when Bill Clinton gets hospitalized and Trump hasn't stroked out yet.
|by Anonymous||reply 250||October 16, 2021 4:12 AM
I’m the latest Buzzfeed screed penned by a “Hamilton” cast member in a minor role.
|by Anonymous||reply 251||October 16, 2021 2:25 PM
I'm Josh Hawley.
So hot (for a politician) but so irredeemably fascist.
I'm Tucker Carlson.
Same issues, but for those who prefer their meat a little more seasoned.
|by Anonymous||reply 252||October 16, 2021 3:31 PM
I'm the fucking fraus and flyover gays who won't believe me when I tell them that Jake Gyllenhall is gay.
Over and over and over and over again
|by Anonymous||reply 254||October 16, 2021 3:41 PM
I'm Floyd, the old-fashioned barber with the old-fashioned chair and the old-fashioned razor strop. I don't care how many times you tell me just how you want your hair cut, you're going to get it cut the way I want to cut it.
|by Anonymous||reply 255||October 16, 2021 6:09 PM
I'm the third Bad Art Friend thread. I no longer hold interest for one DLer who becomes enraged every time she sees it.
|by Anonymous||reply 256||October 16, 2021 7:11 PM
I'm the bratty little niece. I've already given the finger to our DLer behind his back.
I've told him that I'm vegan (he made meat lasagne for lunch) and that giving me $25 for a birthday gift is so 90s.
He just gave me an almond milk shake that tastes kind of funny right after he went to the garden shed to get something. Now he's watching me drink every drop with a crazed look in his eye.
|by Anonymous||reply 257||October 16, 2021 7:16 PM
And I'm the guy who went to the police after you asked me to dig that deep hole in your backyard.
|by Anonymous||reply 258||October 16, 2021 7:27 PM
I'm Cilantro that your partner will mistake for Parsley.
|by Anonymous||reply 259||October 16, 2021 7:45 PM
I'm men who wear shoes with no socks.
i am almost as bad as flip flops
|by Anonymous||reply 260||October 16, 2021 8:05 PM
[quote]I'm men who wear shoes with no socks.
|by Anonymous||reply 261||October 16, 2021 8:17 PM
Someone who wears no socks.
Or a faker who pretends he's wearing no socks but actually wears those no-show things.
|by Anonymous||reply 262||October 17, 2021 12:13 AM
I always found the no-show sock thing weird looking. As a 70s kid socks are supposed to SHOW goddamnit!
I settled into grey crew socks scrunched down just above the top of black Converse high tops (which have been my everyday shoes since the 80s). My nephews did / do the no-shows, but this summer I noticed lots of 20somethings wearing black just below the calf “grandpa socks “ with their shorts.
The pendulum keeps swinging.
|by Anonymous||reply 263||October 17, 2021 1:25 AM
I'm hideous gauges that go into holes in the earlobes
|by Anonymous||reply 265||October 17, 2021 1:27 PM
I'm the way Brendan Hunt (Coach Beard on Ted Lasso) pronounces the letter "S"
|by Anonymous||reply 266||October 17, 2021 5:49 PM
I'm the unbleached anus of Aaron Schock.
|by Anonymous||reply 267||October 17, 2021 6:12 PM
" If there's one thing that makes me completely apoplectic with rage, it is a backwards baseball cap! "
|by Anonymous||reply 268||October 17, 2021 7:47 PM
My title is Casting Agent
|by Anonymous||reply 269||October 17, 2021 8:29 PM
[quote] I'm the word "casted."
I'm would of, should of, could of, and must of.
|by Anonymous||reply 270||October 17, 2021 9:00 PM
I'm the British Academics Union saying that members can identify as ANYTHING.
|by Anonymous||reply 271||October 17, 2021 9:12 PM
I'm the incorrect usage of your and you're
|by Anonymous||reply 272||October 18, 2021 12:06 AM