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Let's Be Things That ABSOLUTELY RUIN a DLers Day

I'm the old lady on line ahead of him at the supermarket who pays in cash and takes coins out her purse to get to the exact amount.

Because I am old I mess up twice and need to recount the fifty-three cents, thus delaying our DLer by about 90 seconds.

He will hiss and fume all the way home where he will start a thread entitled "Elder Fraus Who Insist On Paying With Loose Change!"

by Anonymousreply 272October 18, 2021 12:06 AM

On the other hand, I thought it was a widely accepted myth almost all Dataloungers were eleventy billion years old themselves?

by Anonymousreply 1October 12, 2021 12:20 AM

I'm the barista who shouts out "Rich" instead of "Richard" when placing his order on the counter.

Compounded by the Millennial who looks up from his phone to say "Hey, I think that's yours dude."

Dude!! What is this world coming to!!!

by Anonymousreply 2October 12, 2021 12:22 AM

Assume the DLer in question is 65 but looks 55, R1 and the old lady is actually 75.

by Anonymousreply 3October 12, 2021 12:22 AM

I'm a woman living her life.

by Anonymousreply 4October 12, 2021 12:27 AM

I have been dismayed a couple of times when running across somewhat younger gay couples at the supermarket who had never heard of Designing Women, let alone its famous line that refers specifically to them.

by Anonymousreply 5October 12, 2021 12:27 AM

I'm a happy, out gay man.

by Anonymousreply 6October 12, 2021 12:28 AM

I am me and I am confident that I fit the thread title description.

by Anonymousreply 7October 12, 2021 12:29 AM

I'm the Golden Girls rerun preempted for live coverage of a deadly fire in a local seniors residence.

by Anonymousreply 8October 12, 2021 12:31 AM

I'm the straight guy on Onlyfans who doesn't show cock.

by Anonymousreply 9October 12, 2021 12:34 AM

I am the poster who starts a thread about THE SAME FUCKING TOPIC the DLer started a thread about back in 2018.

I am worse than Hitler.

by Anonymousreply 10October 12, 2021 12:41 AM

I am a three year old child who observed "Look Mommy! A doggy!" when the DLer and his shih tzu Mitzi Gaynor strolled past.

Yes you little twat, it is a doggie! Are you going to get a medal for knowing that? And why won't your fucking frau mother keep you quiet while I am trying to listen to my music!

by Anonymousreply 11October 12, 2021 12:43 AM

I'm a natural disaster that didn't kill anyone

by Anonymousreply 12October 12, 2021 12:43 AM

I don’t get mad at old people.

by Anonymousreply 13October 12, 2021 12:44 AM

I am a very attractive porn star at least 30 posters are gushing over

But I am uncut!!!!

Ewwwww!!!! Stink cheese!!!! Ewwwwwww!!!!

by Anonymousreply 14October 12, 2021 12:45 AM

I’m a coworker cradling her “FALL Y’ALL” mug.

by Anonymousreply 15October 12, 2021 12:47 AM

I am the electric car the DLers brother in law just bought.

Why would anyone need an electric car>

They seem dangerous!!

Elon Musk is a freak!!!

Electric cars are probably nouveau riche and declasse!!

They don't even have a stick shift!

by Anonymousreply 16October 12, 2021 12:48 AM

I;'m the local Dollar Store. We were out of pound cake today!

by Anonymousreply 17October 12, 2021 12:50 AM

I thought the dishwasher was filled with dirty dishes. So I put in a plate and a fork. And then I realized it was clean and had not been emptied. And now I can’t remember where I placed the dirty plate and fork….So I need to run it again!!!

by Anonymousreply 18October 12, 2021 12:50 AM

I am the keying error in r 13. The thread is about the dire state of our democracy. But the DLer is yapping about the typo in five follow-up posts maintaining that he right and other posters are lazy asses.

by Anonymousreply 19October 12, 2021 12:53 AM

I’m the Oh, dear when a poster inevitably has incorrect grammar.

by Anonymousreply 20October 12, 2021 12:53 AM

I am the "B R E A K I N G N E WS" in the headline of the original post that is outdated after two hours but still lingering around for two hundred replies when the news is really old and stale. But for those two hours my original poster got some attention and finally had one thing that people were actually interested in.

by Anonymousreply 21October 12, 2021 12:58 AM

I’m the sound of flip flops that causes an apoplectic episode.

by Anonymousreply 22October 12, 2021 1:14 AM

I'm Meghan Markle. I exist.

by Anonymousreply 23October 12, 2021 1:15 AM

I am even the whisper of a THOUGHT of a pitbull

by Anonymousreply 24October 12, 2021 1:16 AM

[quote] I'm the old lady on line ahead of him at the supermarket who pays in cash and takes coins out her purse to get to the exact amount.

You forget that she doesn’t begin to search for her wallet or her change purse in her huge pocketbook until the cashier presents her with the total, as if having to pay was a surprise. Of course, after paying, the wallet and purse must each be carefully closed and returned to their places in the pocketbook before she makes way for the next customer.

by Anonymousreply 25October 12, 2021 1:19 AM

I'm the dismay that women no longer wear hats and gloves in public anymore, as Mother and Grandmother always did. Today's women look so low-class! What happened to dressing like a lady?

by Anonymousreply 26October 12, 2021 1:24 AM

I'm the store that does not ****gasp**** accept CASH! Cards and phone payments only! What is this world coming to?

This is so stressful a long soak in the tub and some episodes of Designing Women are in order.

by Anonymousreply 27October 12, 2021 1:26 AM

I'm flyover land. What did I do to any of you?

by Anonymousreply 28October 12, 2021 1:28 AM

[quote] I'm the dismay that women no longer wear hats and gloves in public anymore

You forgot nylons and girdles. I’m dismayed about that too. Such slatterns we have traipsing among us.

by Anonymousreply 29October 12, 2021 1:30 AM

I’m a frau.

by Anonymousreply 30October 12, 2021 1:32 AM

I'm a man over the age of 30. I'm sexually repulsive despite being over 30 myself.

I'm also under the age of 30. I'm intellectually and morally repulsive unless you're trying to sleep with me. Then I'm the most treasured creature on Earth.

by Anonymousreply 31October 12, 2021 1:52 AM

[quote] I'm flyover land. What did I do to any of you?

President Donald Trump.

by Anonymousreply 32October 12, 2021 2:25 AM

I'm the other DLer who disagrees with him.

by Anonymousreply 33October 12, 2021 2:34 AM

I’m a New Yorker who loves living in the city and has no desire whatsoever to move.

by Anonymousreply 34October 12, 2021 2:36 AM

There's nothing in this thread that would remotely bother me. What is this "Designing Women" that R4 refers to though?

by Anonymousreply 35October 12, 2021 2:39 AM

I'm the college bro doing the towel dance at the gym locker room.

by Anonymousreply 36October 12, 2021 2:41 AM

I’m the chipper co-worker who stops by on Monday morning to ask how your weekend was. I have a extra talk half caf percent latte extra foam with Stevia. I’m sorry I didn’t ask if you wanted anything! My weekend was great, thanks for asking. I had a great time at the craft store, picking up supplies to make my new seasonal wall art and homemade candles. I still smell like the craft store and a shit ton of vanilla lotion. I then proceed to hog the copier, leave my copies on it and it’s now jammed.

by Anonymousreply 37October 12, 2021 2:42 AM

I'm the office potluck.

by Anonymousreply 38October 12, 2021 2:42 AM

So the OP is a homophobic cunt, I see.

by Anonymousreply 39October 12, 2021 2:43 AM

I’m white-adjacent.

by Anonymousreply 40October 12, 2021 2:43 AM

[quote] I'm the office potluck.

It's a soupluck not a potluck.

by Anonymousreply 41October 12, 2021 2:55 AM

I am the toxicologist holding out on releasing my report on that who died from heat stroke in Devil's Gulch. I've had the results sitting here for weeks, but it's fun watching those bitches in the hiking thread melt down 😉

by Anonymousreply 42October 12, 2021 2:55 AM

I am the person ask why the acronym for “what ever happened to” is “WHET”

by Anonymousreply 43October 12, 2021 3:20 AM

I’m Alok Vaid-Menon!

by Anonymousreply 44October 12, 2021 3:22 AM

I'm the DL site freezing on a photo of Lens Dunham, nude and spread-eagled.

by Anonymousreply 45October 12, 2021 3:22 AM

No, OP - it's the old biddy that writes a check.

OR if you're a special Datalounger - you'll hiss like a tea kettle when they only have a self checkout line open.

by Anonymousreply 46October 12, 2021 3:22 AM

Self checkout lines are Kryptonite to our eldergays. They get so pissy about all that newfangled technology.

by Anonymousreply 47October 12, 2021 3:24 AM

The sight of a tattoo or uncut penis......

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 48October 12, 2021 3:27 AM

Observing his new beau draining pasta.

by Anonymousreply 49October 12, 2021 3:29 AM

I am the straight celebrity who is actually 100% straight, and is hiding absolutely no gay skeletons in the closet.

by Anonymousreply 50October 12, 2021 3:44 AM

I am a center-left voter. Fox News infuriates me, but MSNBC irritates me, too. I believe in pragmatism over ideology, and that ignorant people can be found in either party.

by Anonymousreply 51October 12, 2021 3:49 AM

I'm a trans person. I irritate some DLers by existing.

I'm a liberal who doesn't hate trans people, has an IQ over 10, and didn't drop out of high school in the 9th grade which makes me "woke" and therefore EVIL.

by Anonymousreply 52October 12, 2021 3:52 AM

I'm an openly gay celebrity

by Anonymousreply 53October 12, 2021 3:53 AM

I’m 4 time Emmy winner Dan Levy. Maybe some of you old grandpas have heard of my television show Schitt’s Creek?

by Anonymousreply 54October 12, 2021 4:02 AM

I'm the low-paid worker who performed my job to the DLers satisfaction. Then, and only then, will the DLer say "thank you." I (low-paid worker) then say, quelle horreur, "No problem." I should be saying, "It is my sincere pleasure, Sir."

by Anonymousreply 55October 12, 2021 4:13 AM

I am this thread.

by Anonymousreply 56October 12, 2021 4:18 AM

I’m the fat woman with an above average looking boyfriend.

by Anonymousreply 57October 12, 2021 4:21 AM

I am Roxane Gay and I am EXHAUSTED.

by Anonymousreply 58October 12, 2021 4:22 AM

I am a straight guy who walks his toddler around in the park.

by Anonymousreply 59October 12, 2021 4:22 AM

Fuck you, OP. I am not charging $3.08 - you'll just have to hold your horses, little man.

by Anonymousreply 60October 12, 2021 4:24 AM

[quote]Let's Be Things That ABSOLUTELY RUIN a DLers Day

It's DLer's Day, you illiterate moron.

by Anonymousreply 61October 12, 2021 4:28 AM

When the frau in front of me gets the wrong order at Starbucks oooh lordy.

by Anonymousreply 62October 12, 2021 4:30 AM

R53 I’m his husband!!

by Anonymousreply 63October 12, 2021 4:35 AM

I'm 45 but get mistaken for 35 all the time. My fellow DLers are just jealous.

by Anonymousreply 64October 12, 2021 4:36 AM

I'm a very fat trans woman of color who is on the autism spectrum with a lot to say about cancel culture, and you are seated next to me on a plane for a 5 hour flight!

by Anonymousreply 65October 12, 2021 7:35 AM

Going to DL and seeing another thread about the latest narcissists of TikTok or Instagram; some loner's new obsession for a fat-fuck Lebanese daddy; and frau threads on junk food and the royal grifters.

by Anonymousreply 66October 12, 2021 7:48 AM

I'm the other gay who shows up at the Condo board meeting wearing exactly the same caftan...

And the other gay wears it better, as they say...

by Anonymousreply 67October 12, 2021 7:56 AM

If it's a mob of DLers ruining one DLer's day, it still counts. I'm the food post ending with a standalone "Delicious."

Has anyone ever dipped a McRib in ranch dressing? Delicious.

English muffin. Delicious.

Coconut oil is too sweet for me. I make my bulletproof coffee with bacon grease and garlic butter. Delicious.

I am struck by the realization that I shall NEVER again dine with Mother! Oh, how I long for her raw veal tongue in aspic. Delicious.

by Anonymousreply 68October 12, 2021 8:37 AM

R68, don't you mean "Delish"?

by Anonymousreply 69October 12, 2021 9:25 AM

I am the moment when, flipping through the channels on my old school cable box, I catch Rachel Ray saying "delish"

by Anonymousreply 70October 12, 2021 10:17 AM

I am the Instagram post by the DLer's sixty year old sister-in-law that says "Made these yummy pumpkin spice muffins yesterday! Yay pumpkin spice season!"

by Anonymousreply 71October 12, 2021 10:18 AM

I am literally the word "literally"

by Anonymousreply 72October 12, 2021 10:18 AM

I am the 73 "likes" for the Instagram post at R71

by Anonymousreply 73October 12, 2021 10:19 AM

[quote] I shall NEVER again dine with Mother! Oh, how I long for her raw veal tongue

Your mother sounds like she had one weird fucking tongue.

by Anonymousreply 74October 12, 2021 10:26 AM

I am perfection. I never pay by check, usually by card and if it is going to be cash I've toted up my items, added tax and fished out the exact change beforehand.

I do all this of course while the aforementioned customers are holding up the line as it suddenly dawns on them they are actually going to have to pay for their purchases, like it's the first time in their entire lives they ever have been in a supermarket. Get a move on lady!

by Anonymousreply 75October 12, 2021 10:29 AM

I am the trans coworker that shows up to work looking like a cross between a Gwen Stephani backup dancer and a cheerleader with an obscenely shirt skirt. I treat shared space like it was a Wendy William’s talk show all about the intricacies of trans rights and I am Wendy.

When I’m called on my bad behavior, to avert getting written up I have emotional breakdowns, storm out of meetings, or simply ignore you.

by Anonymousreply 76October 12, 2021 10:54 AM

I am the good looking guy next door who does not bond with my adorable Lhasa Apso. The very arrogance of it!

by Anonymousreply 77October 12, 2021 11:13 AM

I am the casually acceptance of slang and mispronunciations that I hear on the TV and mainstream media. I am the misunderstanding of British Royal Family protocol. Lord help you if it’s a misunderstanding of the Japanese Imperial Family or some smaller European monarchy!!!

by Anonymousreply 78October 12, 2021 12:18 PM

“Class, what is cancel culture?” “Todd, not again!”

by Anonymousreply 79October 12, 2021 12:42 PM

[quote] Gwen Stephani

Oh, dear.

[quote] Wendy William’s

Oh, dear!

by Anonymousreply 80October 12, 2021 12:44 PM

Being called "sir" at Aeropostale.

by Anonymousreply 81October 12, 2021 12:47 PM

I understand some gay men have sex WITH THE LIGHTS ON (gasp) and, what's more, after they finish their business, they don't immediately leap out of bed and tearfully run to the shower to scrub all evidence away!

by Anonymousreply 82October 12, 2021 12:48 PM

I am Ideal Weight, aka DL obese.

by Anonymousreply 83October 12, 2021 12:51 PM

r25 Yes, but does she pack each item carefully into her bags while there's a queue of people waiting in line behind her thinking of how they'd like to murder her?

Because if she doesn't, she a fucking amateur.

by Anonymousreply 84October 12, 2021 1:02 PM

I'm the party of tourists at least six abreast, walking so slowly to take in the sights of this busy urban scene - often we stop dead to take photos!

Also, we like to stand still in a cluster on the left of all escalators.

by Anonymousreply 85October 12, 2021 1:10 PM



by Anonymousreply 86October 12, 2021 1:12 PM

I am the fat frau at work bragging about her potato salad recipe that does not include capers!

No capers!!!

What is she thinking!!!!

And of course the other fraus all tell her how "yummy" it is.

It's a good thing Mother is not alive to hear about this.

by Anonymousreply 87October 12, 2021 1:31 PM

We are men over 40 who insist on wearing denim!

by Anonymousreply 88October 12, 2021 1:32 PM

I'm the bluetooth speaker that cunts insist on blasting in public spaces.

by Anonymousreply 89October 12, 2021 1:35 PM

I am the 32 waist Guess? jeans that have been hanging in the closet since 1980.

They still don;t fit.

by Anonymousreply 90October 12, 2021 1:35 PM

I'm the DLer who doesn't think "Two Old Queens Who Only Have a Minute" is funny.

by Anonymousreply 91October 12, 2021 1:37 PM

I'm the slight suggestion that Hillary Clinton is not actualperfect.

by Anonymousreply 92October 12, 2021 1:43 PM

R85 I call those people Meanderthals. They clog the sidewalks!

by Anonymousreply 93October 12, 2021 1:43 PM

(try that again)

I'm the slightest suggestion that Hillary Clinton may not actually be perfect.

by Anonymousreply 94October 12, 2021 1:43 PM

I'm Demi Lovato.

by Anonymousreply 95October 12, 2021 1:43 PM

I'm the poster responsible for 20% of the posts in a "Let's Be" thread. I think I'm hilarious despite obviously not even remotely understanding the concept.

by Anonymousreply 96October 12, 2021 1:45 PM

I am Jake Gyllenhaal pretending to be straight.

by Anonymousreply 97October 12, 2021 1:47 PM

I'm any mention of Lil Nas X on a certain website.

by Anonymousreply 98October 12, 2021 1:54 PM

I'm the thin skin.

by Anonymousreply 99October 12, 2021 1:56 PM

R99, you have missed the point of the thread.

It is not a thread about traits of a DLer, it is a thread about things that ruin a DLer's day.

by Anonymousreply 100October 12, 2021 1:58 PM

Who is "Mother"? I keep hearing references to some classy old broad. Is she someone's mother in particular or a general character?

by Anonymousreply 101October 12, 2021 2:01 PM

Yes, genius, and their thin skin inevitably ruins their day because they can't take anything that doesn't land on their terms.

by Anonymousreply 102October 12, 2021 2:01 PM

I'm cradling my mug.

by Anonymousreply 103October 12, 2021 2:05 PM


You don't really understand how comedy works. But you are a perfect example of a thin skinned DLer so 5/10!

by Anonymousreply 104October 12, 2021 2:06 PM

You sweet thing, where did you get the idea I care what you think?

by Anonymousreply 105October 12, 2021 2:11 PM

LOL... the great comedy expert hanging out on DL. Naturally.

by Anonymousreply 106October 12, 2021 2:11 PM


by Anonymousreply 107October 12, 2021 2:15 PM

r94 I prefer your inadvertent neologism of 'actualperfect.' I will use it ASAP.

Ruin a DL'ers' day? Anything negative said about that sainted boy Timothee Chalamet.

by Anonymousreply 108October 12, 2021 2:17 PM

I'm a bisexual man.

by Anonymousreply 109October 12, 2021 2:29 PM

I'm a good looking male actor with a long-term girlfriend who has just come out as "pansexual"

I am the same actor "admitting" that he has a "queer sensibility"

by Anonymousreply 110October 12, 2021 2:31 PM

I'm the store that stopped stocking caftans in sizes above 3XL.

by Anonymousreply 111October 12, 2021 2:35 PM

[quote] Let's Be Things That ABSOLUTELY RUIN a DLers Day

[quote]Ruin a DL'ers' day?

OP and R108 , hell-bent on ruining this DLer's day.

by Anonymousreply 112October 12, 2021 2:43 PM

I'm the hard boiled eggs added to potato salad

by Anonymousreply 113October 12, 2021 2:51 PM

"I can say whatever I want."

by Anonymousreply 114October 12, 2021 3:04 PM

R109 R110

I'm someone who identifies as bisexual AND queer!

by Anonymousreply 115October 12, 2021 3:05 PM

[quote]I prefer your inadvertent neologism of 'actualperfect.'

I too thought that 'actualperfect' was the white-hot hip new version of 'flawless.' But from such mistakes is DL's vocabulary enlarged. It hasn't ruined my day at all.

by Anonymousreply 116October 12, 2021 3:21 PM

when the hooker wants to be paid in advance

by Anonymousreply 117October 12, 2021 3:44 PM

Pop ups on pron sites when you don't know what an ad blocker is.

by Anonymousreply 118October 12, 2021 4:12 PM

I'm the gaggle of cackling bachelorettes cozying up right next to him at the gay bar counter.

by Anonymousreply 119October 12, 2021 4:23 PM

I'm the judgmental heteronormative woman asking you publicly "so when are you gonna turn your parents into grandparents?"

by Anonymousreply 120October 12, 2021 4:25 PM


by Anonymousreply 121October 12, 2021 4:26 PM

Pumpkin spice.

by Anonymousreply 122October 12, 2021 4:43 PM

A cradled mug

A purple moon

A howling wolf

A sense of doom


by Anonymousreply 123October 12, 2021 4:45 PM

[quote] I’m the sound of flip flops that causes an apoplectic episode.

I'm the *look* and appearance of flip-flops. One must wear a tasteful pair of leather thongs or sandals. All feet are per se "nasty."

by Anonymousreply 124October 12, 2021 5:07 PM

Someday standing there using the payphone for half an hour, ignoring you while you're obviously getting jumpy because you've got an important call to make.

by Anonymousreply 125October 12, 2021 6:05 PM

I love that some DLers don't even get that we're mocking their hissy-prissyness on this thread and are instead chiming in to affirm how positively awful these things are.

by Anonymousreply 126October 12, 2021 6:05 PM

People at the buffet who create towers of food on their plates, more than they can possibly eat. Then come back with fresh plates for more.

by Anonymousreply 127October 12, 2021 6:11 PM

[quote] Someday standing there using the payphone for half an hour, ignoring you while you're obviously getting jumpy because you've got an important call to make.

Nothing a well-timed “Move it along, Toots” can’t resolve.

by Anonymousreply 128October 12, 2021 6:16 PM

People actually still use payphones? How quaint.

by Anonymousreply 129October 12, 2021 6:18 PM

Tthe b ass spelller

by Anonymousreply 130October 12, 2021 6:21 PM

I'm bad grammar.

by Anonymousreply 131October 12, 2021 6:23 PM

I am the lurid, sordid tackery considered a prom dress these days. I myself never went to a prom [italic](nor did I want to!)[/italic] but even I know today’s young girl should dress like Princess Grace circa 1961 at a benefit for the Ballet Monte Carlo.

It’s almost like these chits want to be dragged to a dewy, moonlit football field and ravished by half the brawny, straight toothed football team. Inexcusable. And incomprehensible!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 132October 12, 2021 6:29 PM

My nieces dress like WHORES!

by Anonymousreply 133October 12, 2021 6:35 PM

R128 You can say that to the guys in your neighborhood, not mine. They're doing business on those phones, for a reason. Capiche?

by Anonymousreply 134October 12, 2021 6:38 PM

I am the unwritten thank you note from the grand-niece the DL sent a $25 Apple gift card to for her community college graduation.

by Anonymousreply 135October 12, 2021 6:38 PM

Who is this Billy Eyelash, anyway?

by Anonymousreply 136October 12, 2021 6:42 PM

I'm a successful, out gay man.

I will be torn to bloody shreds in any and all DL threads.

by Anonymousreply 137October 12, 2021 6:43 PM

I'm Datalounge Primetime.

by Anonymousreply 138October 12, 2021 6:43 PM

Comcast announces that TCM has been moved from the basic package to the sports and entertainment package.

by Anonymousreply 139October 12, 2021 7:29 PM

A random PI noticed something that the Moab cops missed, or ignored.

[quote]A private investigator has speculated that Gabby Petito could have died from asphyxiation having seen the bodycam video with Utah police

[quote]Jason Jenson, an investigator who is based in Salt Lake City, told Fox News Digital that he thinks Ms Petito’s body language in the 12 August bodycam footage from Moab, Utah could indicate that she was asphyxiated.

[quote]During the Utah incident, Ms Petito told police that Brian Laundrie, her fiancé, had grabbed her face during a domestic dispute.

[quote]“I wouldn’t be surprised that it’s manual strangulation,” Mr Jenson claimed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s choked her before. Any victim that’s been choked before—their natural reaction is to lower their chin to their clavicle to prevent that hand from going around their throat.”

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 140October 12, 2021 7:40 PM

Sorry. I absolutely just ruined the thread.

I’ll see myself out.

by Anonymousreply 141October 12, 2021 7:42 PM

WebSleuth Fraus!

by Anonymousreply 142October 12, 2021 7:43 PM

When a trick asks for meatballs and a clean bath towel.

by Anonymousreply 143October 12, 2021 8:02 PM

I'm Lizzo!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 144October 12, 2021 8:18 PM

I’m “veggies”

by Anonymousreply 145October 12, 2021 9:41 PM

I'm the cute new 20-something clerk at your favorite clothing store who, when questioned about a particular item, says,

"I'm pretty sure we don't carry that in your size."

by Anonymousreply 146October 12, 2021 9:45 PM

"It's MA'YAM!"

by Anonymousreply 147October 12, 2021 9:49 PM

[Quote]"It's MA'YAM!"

As in Bialik?

by Anonymousreply 148October 12, 2021 10:37 PM

R146 I didn’t just cry, I wailed. For twenty minutes, in a dark parking structure, I mourned my dignity.

Lest we forget.

by Anonymousreply 149October 12, 2021 10:45 PM

I'm 21st Century music blasting all day next door.

by Anonymousreply 150October 12, 2021 10:47 PM

I am a female colleague, and I am pregnant. AGAIN. Did I mention that my husband is much, much better looking than I am?

by Anonymousreply 151October 12, 2021 10:56 PM

I am fat and in public

by Anonymousreply 152October 12, 2021 11:02 PM

I'm a woman, and sometimes, I have to leave work early for child care reasons.

I leave earlier than my gay male coworkers.

by Anonymousreply 153October 12, 2021 11:04 PM

I'm a woman, and I have to leave early to run the lives of my children. The are in their late teens and nearly adults.

by Anonymousreply 154October 12, 2021 11:08 PM

Like, I'm an Instagram muscle twunk and I am FIRE. 🔥I don't know who, like, Mitzi Gaylord or Elaine Stretch are because I'm too busy gettin my bussy blown out by other hot dudes on the regular.

by Anonymousreply 155October 12, 2021 11:11 PM

I'm the blank look the DLer gets from his Millennial coworkers when he says he saw something on "Channel 2"

by Anonymousreply 156October 12, 2021 11:17 PM

I'm the ability to pay for things in most stores with an Apple Watch

by Anonymousreply 157October 12, 2021 11:18 PM

I'm the fact that all the hot straight guys at work ignore the DLer but love the Office Lesbian because she can talk to them about sportsball all day

by Anonymousreply 158October 12, 2021 11:20 PM

I'm the mere mention of paying for anything with an Apple Watch or Smartphone. This most basic element of 21st Century society is met with hissy prisspot derision.

by Anonymousreply 159October 12, 2021 11:20 PM

R159 What office is this? As if Muffler is talking to this magical office of hot straight bros.

by Anonymousreply 160October 12, 2021 11:25 PM

R159 R157

by Anonymousreply 161October 12, 2021 11:33 PM

r159 and r157 what?

by Anonymousreply 162October 12, 2021 11:35 PM

I'm the hot 20something guys who don't even use the locker room at the gym. They just throw their sweatshirts in the corner and then drive home to shower, denying our DLer the opportunity to see them shirtless, let alone nude.

by Anonymousreply 163October 12, 2021 11:35 PM

[quote]R141 Sorry. I absolutely just ruined the thread. I’ll see myself out.

“Ruined the thread”?

How about your viciously misplaced post ruined MY LIFE ? ! ?

by Anonymousreply 164October 12, 2021 11:37 PM

I’m the opinion someone else continues to post even after the elder has composed no fewer than 18 devastating insults specifically intended to shut me down. The elder cannot BELIEVE that anything so vile as I have not withered in the face of his repeated assaults. He has tried reason, cutting humor, and even a presentation of the facts. Soon it’ll come to all caps, the ignore button, and gin in quantity.

by Anonymousreply 165October 12, 2021 11:38 PM

[quote] Someday standing there using the payphone for half an hour,

I am the year 1987. When time froze for our Dtaalounge Eldergays.

And payphones still existed.

by Anonymousreply 166October 12, 2021 11:39 PM

Pay phones are still around. It’s actually very democratic. Not everyone can afford a cell phone.

by Anonymousreply 167October 13, 2021 12:56 AM

I’m Mike from Palm Springs. What did I ever do to you all?

by Anonymousreply 168October 13, 2021 1:10 AM

Even I have one R167!

by Anonymousreply 169October 13, 2021 1:40 AM

I'm the scratch that appeared on my Original Broadway Cast album of "Follies" that mysteriously appeared after Consuelo's last visit.

by Anonymousreply 170October 13, 2021 1:51 AM

I'm the DL thread that was just closed to non-subscribers.

How is a senior supposed to save money these days? Fuck you, Muriel.

by Anonymousreply 171October 13, 2021 1:56 AM

I'm the envelope in the hotel room nagging you for a tip, like guests are supposed to tip cleaning ladies. Stop this now, or next it'll be cab drivers with their hands out.

by Anonymousreply 172October 13, 2021 2:19 AM

R155 Mitzi Gaylord or Elaine Stretch?

Who are these people?

R167 I didnt know that payphones still exist in some countries. They're all gone here, some have been converted into Wifi hotspots

[quote]I'm the DL site freezing on a photo of Lens Dunham, nude and spread-eagled.

R45 that would ruin ANYONE's day!

R90 I have some size 32 jeans hanging in the closet which dont fit. They're too big, I'm 28-29

R108 Timothee Chalamet. is actualperfect for me, but I do recognise he isnt to everyone's taste

R144 talking of sights that'd ruin anyones day....'

R146 I used to get the "I'm pretty sure we don't carry that in your size." a bunch of times until I put on some weight. I can manage 30 in now as long as I got a belt to get it to stay up

by Anonymousreply 173October 13, 2021 3:57 AM

R173 And you've no doubt got $2.5 million in the stock market and look at least 10 years younger than your real age.

by Anonymousreply 174October 13, 2021 4:04 AM

R174 - he’s also looking to date an 80 year only, but only one who owns his own home. No Renters!!!

by Anonymousreply 175October 13, 2021 4:11 AM

I was going to say "rightwing trolls who try to turn fun, unrelated threads into political flamewars would ruin a DLer's day" but apparently DLers absolutely ADORE those guys, as long as they use a cute typo like "actualperfect."

by Anonymousreply 176October 13, 2021 4:21 AM

I'm a ludicrously large pickup truck with NRA and TRUMP 2024 bumper stickers.

by Anonymousreply 177October 13, 2021 4:39 AM

r177 that absolutely ruins the day of anyone with a modicum of intelligence.

by Anonymousreply 178October 13, 2021 4:42 AM

I'm a parent with a baby, a toddler, a carseat and a stroller at a DLer's departure gate.

by Anonymousreply 179October 13, 2021 4:43 AM

I'm the relatives and straight friends who can't help but keep asking, "Don't you ever regret not having kids?'"

by Anonymousreply 180October 13, 2021 4:49 AM

How I picture DLers reading this thread.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 181October 13, 2021 4:53 AM

How I picture DLers reading this thread.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 182October 13, 2021 4:55 AM

I had initially thought "V8 Fairy" was named after the salty tomato juice beverage

Then I learned the moniker referred to car engines.

At which point I envisioned a hefty Eldergay with a great big pot belly

Now, at R173, I learn V8 Fairy has the same waist size as the Darfur Orphan and may have the body shape of a small twink.

This has not ruined my day by any means but it has turned it upside down.

by Anonymousreply 183October 13, 2021 10:02 AM

I’m Angelina Jolie.

by Anonymousreply 184October 13, 2021 10:27 AM

I’m the recent and not watched Dune remake.

by Anonymousreply 185October 13, 2021 11:45 AM


by Anonymousreply 186October 13, 2021 11:54 AM

I'm the VCR tape that finally broke after you kept watching the same 15 seconds over and over again.

by Anonymousreply 187October 13, 2021 12:02 PM


"Yeah, you're gonna suck that dick, aintcha?"

by Anonymousreply 188October 13, 2021 1:32 PM

[quote]when the hooker wants to be paid in advance

The reason why this can ruin a Datalounger's day is because it means the escort is not attracted to him, knows that there will be disappointment, and therefore wants cash in advance.

by Anonymousreply 189October 13, 2021 2:12 PM

But my escort is just waiting to fall in love with me! Who wouldn't want to live here in Mother's house, with Mother's fine doilies covering every surface?

by Anonymousreply 190October 13, 2021 2:18 PM

[quote]R189 it means the escort is not attracted to him, knows that there will be disappointment, and therefore wants cash in advance.

If you’re not kidding… I would think this was standard procedure for hookers everywhere? From what I’ve read, they get burned by a client early on in their careers who refuses to pay afterwards, and then they’re (rightly) like, “Never again.”

(“I’m not here to make friends.”) (Reality show hooker)

by Anonymousreply 191October 13, 2021 3:03 PM

I’m a looming dinner with the MAGA cousin I haven’t seen since Nov. 2016.

by Anonymousreply 192October 13, 2021 4:18 PM

I'm shorts and flip flops, in the city! In the CITY!

It's absolutely barbaric!

Thank goodness Mother isn't here to see this.

by Anonymousreply 193October 13, 2021 4:45 PM

Assuming that all gay men are really just fraus like them. At least pay the fucking annual membership fee. This isn't a magazine rack at the grocery store. Gay men don't give a flying fuck about Meghan.

by Anonymousreply 194October 13, 2021 4:50 PM

I'm the old person toddling along with a walker who reminds you that one day you're going to end up like this. May you live that long.

by Anonymousreply 195October 13, 2021 5:31 PM

I'm black tie at 2 pm.

by Anonymousreply 196October 13, 2021 5:35 PM


by Anonymousreply 197October 13, 2021 5:47 PM

I'm the partner with the drinking problem always causing drama.

by Anonymousreply 198October 13, 2021 5:52 PM

I'm the partner with the cheating problem always causing drama.

by Anonymousreply 199October 13, 2021 5:58 PM

I'm Joel asking why this drink tastes funny.

by Anonymousreply 200October 13, 2021 6:15 PM

R4 We're just tired of you fraus doing entitled/sociopathic/annoying shit and then claiming to be victims. Many of you are totally unaware of how tiresome you are and many of you never seem to take responsibility for anything.

by Anonymousreply 201October 13, 2021 6:21 PM

I'm a frau posting on Datalounge at R4 and I have clearly RUINED R201's day and then some.

Hashtag MommyIssues

by Anonymousreply 202October 13, 2021 6:25 PM

I’m the text that reads “For all intensive purposes, I hate mask’s so much I could care less about they’re revelance in the fight against COVID.”

by Anonymousreply 203October 13, 2021 6:30 PM

I'm the woman at R202 and instead of acting like a human, accepting that criticism of shitty behavior is a not personal attack, I get defensive and become more of an asshole by needlessly psychologizing anyone who threatens my ego. I am the empress with no clothes.

by Anonymousreply 204October 13, 2021 6:37 PM


by Anonymousreply 205October 13, 2021 6:44 PM

I'm the Best Picture Oscar winner, Crash. I beat Brokeback Mountain.

by Anonymousreply 206October 13, 2021 6:47 PM

Well done R206!

by Anonymousreply 207October 13, 2021 6:49 PM

Why thank you, R206!

by Anonymousreply 208October 13, 2021 6:52 PM

[quote] I'm the partner with the drinking problem always causing drama.

This type of blip on the radar does not ruin a DLers day! Partner just needs some TLC and understanding. This relationship is worth fighting for!

by Anonymousreply 209October 13, 2021 6:55 PM

Never cared about the Oscars again.

by Anonymousreply 210October 13, 2021 6:56 PM

[quote] I would think this was standard procedure for hookers everywhere? From what I’ve read, they get burned by a client early on in their careers who refuses to pay afterwards, and then they’re (rightly) like, “Never again.” (“I’m not here to make friends.”) (Reality show hooker)

Yes, I think getting the money up front is a good business practice for a hooker and lots of other professions.

by Anonymousreply 211October 13, 2021 6:58 PM

Sure, if you’re a STREET WHORE.

by Anonymousreply 212October 13, 2021 7:01 PM

Actors are whores, and actors are paid up front.


by Anonymousreply 213October 13, 2021 7:01 PM

I'm the Jeopardy contestant who mumbles every single reply and engages in nonsensical conversation with the host. Talk about a ruined day.

by Anonymousreply 214October 13, 2021 7:04 PM

I'm the frustrated airline check-in clerk who considers myself a de facto government official. If I can find a problem with your documents and deny you boarding it will make my day.

by Anonymousreply 215October 13, 2021 7:10 PM

I'm the TSA agent that finds your Ken Ryker dildo and stack of Inches, Mandate and Honcho magazines packed away in a suitcase.

by Anonymousreply 216October 13, 2021 7:46 PM

I'm the old classmate you run into after 20 years who asks, "So, still in the closet, are you?"

by Anonymousreply 217October 13, 2021 8:14 PM

Buying a house unseen from a realtor.

by Anonymousreply 218October 13, 2021 8:48 PM

A Breaking News story interrupting the afternoon soaps.

by Anonymousreply 219October 13, 2021 8:53 PM

I am the word “gift” used as a verb.

(That drives me absolutely crazy!)

by Anonymousreply 220October 13, 2021 9:17 PM

I am the poster who uses the phrase "a half-century ago" to describe events of the early 70s when the DLer was in college.

by Anonymousreply 221October 13, 2021 9:28 PM

I'm the people calling on your cellphone at dinnertime using up your minutes pretending that you owe money for a traffic ticket 10 years ago in a state you've never been to.

by Anonymousreply 222October 13, 2021 11:00 PM

Hearing someone call mauve "light purple."

by Anonymousreply 223October 13, 2021 11:07 PM

When the smoking hot muscle jock sitting next to you in the cafe tells his "bro" that he likes classic oldies.

"You know, bro.....like the nineties!"

by Anonymousreply 224October 13, 2021 11:08 PM

r189 here....embarrassed to admit I've hired more than my fair share of escorts and "masseurs" in my time, and the vast majority do NOT ask for money upfront - maybe I look non-threatening and live in a decent neighborhood, so they trust me more? In any case, the handful that did ask for money upfront were very disappointing, unengaged, and bored - and they knew they would be, hence the request for cash before anything started.

by Anonymousreply 225October 13, 2021 11:19 PM

I'm the authentic love that exists between two happily married homos. I trigger a tsunami of vitriol amongst the unpartnered who insist that one of us is cheating or that we're just roommates.

by Anonymousreply 226October 13, 2021 11:27 PM

r218, wouldn't it be selling a house unseen to an elderly man?

by Anonymousreply 227October 13, 2021 11:39 PM

I'm the reminder that cologne is no longer a thing for American men under the age of 60 regardless of sexual preference.

by Anonymousreply 228October 14, 2021 12:21 AM

For the 758th day in a row, Chris Watts has not responded to any of the creepy, stalkerish letters I've written to him in prison.

by Anonymousreply 229October 14, 2021 12:47 AM

[quote]And you've no doubt got $2.5 million in the stock market and look at least 10 years younger than your real age.

R174 I wish! I've got about one percent of that, and a 20 year old car. No idea if I look young for my age, most people look younger for their age esp if they dont drink or smoke and keep outta the sun

by Anonymousreply 230October 14, 2021 12:51 AM

I'm the Gap Playlist Troll.

by Anonymousreply 231October 14, 2021 3:28 AM

I'm "of" used as a verb form.

by Anonymousreply 232October 14, 2021 3:52 AM
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 233October 14, 2021 7:02 AM


Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 234October 14, 2021 7:04 AM

We're the people in doctors' and dentists' offices who refuse to give you proper respect and keep calling you by your first name like you're some sort of child.

by Anonymousreply 235October 14, 2021 8:14 AM

We're the stacked books.

And I'm the stack of used textbooks, purchased at an extortionate markup. I've ruined entire lives.

by Anonymousreply 236October 14, 2021 8:49 AM

I'm the cute guy in tennis shorts who shamelessly crowded in front of you at Safeway yesterday. The legs, remember!

As soon as I looked backed and smiled I knew you weren't going to make a fuss. But that were going to be damned mad at yourself as soon as you got home.

by Anonymousreply 237October 14, 2021 11:44 AM

[quote]egardless of sexual preference.

I'm the use of the obsolete and inaccurate term "sexual preference."

by Anonymousreply 238October 14, 2021 12:59 PM

I'm the cunt at R234

by Anonymousreply 239October 14, 2021 3:22 PM

I'm the end of yet another day when Trump has not stroked out.

by Anonymousreply 240October 15, 2021 3:07 AM

We're the Covid-infected rolls and pastries in the self-service bakery department which you see being man-handled by filthy customers who refuse to use the tongs the supermarket has thoughtfully provided. "Get your bloody hands off me, you creep."

by Anonymousreply 241October 15, 2021 3:46 PM

The assholes that keep driving up and down my street morning, noon and night roaring their loud tailpipes. They'll even do this shit at times like 4am. It's always some white trash hillbilly rednecks.

by Anonymousreply 242October 15, 2021 4:09 PM

I've got it.

The tattooed, pierced transgender woman writing a check in the self check out lane while cradling a mug in one hand

by Anonymousreply 243October 15, 2021 4:13 PM

*with a pitbull emotional support animal r243!

by Anonymousreply 244October 15, 2021 5:00 PM

Yes! LOL RescueChick you added the pièce de résistance!

by Anonymousreply 245October 15, 2021 5:01 PM

Toddlers on a plane.

by Anonymousreply 246October 15, 2021 5:08 PM

We are customers who don't even attempt the refold the shirts after they've picked them up to look at them.

by Anonymousreply 247October 15, 2021 5:46 PM

[quote]The assholes that keep driving up and down my street morning, noon and night roaring their loud tailpipes. They'll even do this shit at times like 4am. It's always some white trash hillbilly rednecks.

This should be punishable by torture and death, preferably how Lorna was dispatched in "Hostel 2".

by Anonymousreply 248October 15, 2021 6:05 PM

This is why we need The Purge.

by Anonymousreply 249October 15, 2021 9:00 PM

I'm the end of the day when Bill Clinton gets hospitalized and Trump hasn't stroked out yet.

by Anonymousreply 250October 16, 2021 4:12 AM

I’m the latest Buzzfeed screed penned by a “Hamilton” cast member in a minor role.

by Anonymousreply 251October 16, 2021 2:25 PM

I'm Josh Hawley.

So hot (for a politician) but so irredeemably fascist.

I'm Tucker Carlson.

Same issues, but for those who prefer their meat a little more seasoned.

by Anonymousreply 252October 16, 2021 3:31 PM


by Anonymousreply 253October 16, 2021 3:34 PM

I'm the fucking fraus and flyover gays who won't believe me when I tell them that Jake Gyllenhall is gay.

Over and over and over and over again

by Anonymousreply 254October 16, 2021 3:41 PM

I'm Floyd, the old-fashioned barber with the old-fashioned chair and the old-fashioned razor strop. I don't care how many times you tell me just how you want your hair cut, you're going to get it cut the way I want to cut it.

by Anonymousreply 255October 16, 2021 6:09 PM

I'm the third Bad Art Friend thread. I no longer hold interest for one DLer who becomes enraged every time she sees it.

by Anonymousreply 256October 16, 2021 7:11 PM

I'm the bratty little niece. I've already given the finger to our DLer behind his back.

I've told him that I'm vegan (he made meat lasagne for lunch) and that giving me $25 for a birthday gift is so 90s.

He just gave me an almond milk shake that tastes kind of funny right after he went to the garden shed to get something. Now he's watching me drink every drop with a crazed look in his eye.

by Anonymousreply 257October 16, 2021 7:16 PM

And I'm the guy who went to the police after you asked me to dig that deep hole in your backyard.

by Anonymousreply 258October 16, 2021 7:27 PM

I'm Cilantro that your partner will mistake for Parsley.

by Anonymousreply 259October 16, 2021 7:45 PM

I'm men who wear shoes with no socks.

i am almost as bad as flip flops

by Anonymousreply 260October 16, 2021 8:05 PM

[quote]I'm men who wear shoes with no socks.

Hisssss! Hissss!

by Anonymousreply 261October 16, 2021 8:17 PM

What's worse?

Someone who wears no socks.

Or a faker who pretends he's wearing no socks but actually wears those no-show things.

by Anonymousreply 262October 17, 2021 12:13 AM

I always found the no-show sock thing weird looking. As a 70s kid socks are supposed to SHOW goddamnit!

I settled into grey crew socks scrunched down just above the top of black Converse high tops (which have been my everyday shoes since the 80s). My nephews did / do the no-shows, but this summer I noticed lots of 20somethings wearing black just below the calf “grandpa socks “ with their shorts.

The pendulum keeps swinging.

by Anonymousreply 263October 17, 2021 1:25 AM

I'm the word "casted."

by Anonymousreply 264October 17, 2021 2:52 AM

I'm hideous gauges that go into holes in the earlobes

by Anonymousreply 265October 17, 2021 1:27 PM

I'm the way Brendan Hunt (Coach Beard on Ted Lasso) pronounces the letter "S"

by Anonymousreply 266October 17, 2021 5:49 PM

I'm the unbleached anus of Aaron Schock.

by Anonymousreply 267October 17, 2021 6:12 PM

" If there's one thing that makes me completely apoplectic with rage, it is a backwards baseball cap! "

by Anonymousreply 268October 17, 2021 7:47 PM

My title is Casting Agent

by Anonymousreply 269October 17, 2021 8:29 PM

[quote] I'm the word "casted."

I'm would of, should of, could of, and must of.

by Anonymousreply 270October 17, 2021 9:00 PM

I'm the British Academics Union saying that members can identify as ANYTHING.

by Anonymousreply 271October 17, 2021 9:12 PM

I'm the incorrect usage of your and you're

by Anonymousreply 272October 18, 2021 12:06 AM
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