Let's be a Spooky Halloween Party Hosted by your fat co-worker Deb

I’m the cupcakes topped with candy corn. One cupcake is missing candy corn because Deb’s son Hershel ate some of the candy corn while Deb was out of the room.

R2 I am the friendly whatsapp message that Deb sends out before the party, reminding everyone that Halloween is supposed to be fun and not offensive, so no cultural appropriation costumes please.

I'm Hershel. I will be in my room drinking Diet Coke (Mom says it's healthier) and eating Doritos.

I'm Deb's 65+ years of age, we know she's this old because she told you to call her "Deb".

I'm also her heart condition.

I look 65, but I am only 42 for your information!

I'm the spooky but kid friendly decorations.

I'm the pumpkin spice/feces fat ass scented candle she's burning at her desk.

I'm the obligatory purple-black punch that hopefully someone will spike. Deb only has some old Tuaca on hand.

I'm Deb's Halloween photo from 1989, the last time Deb dressed up as the "sexy nurse".

She pulls me out and passes me around the office every year, just to let everyone know she wasn't always a fat whore.

I'm Ginny in Billing wearing a witch's hat.

R10 Ginny's a bitch, she took the last of the creamer AGAIN.

R11, I'm the wart on Ginny's nose, which isn't makeup.

I'm the Litter Box Cake! Aren't I a hoot!

I'm the blown out piston on her office chair that explodes every time she sits on it.

I'm Millennial Markus From Marketing. I'm going to bring some coke tonight and see if I can't interest the new receptionist who wears yoga pants on casual Fridays. Lemme just do a little bump before the party to check it for fentanyl. Okay, maybe a line and a couple bumps.

I'm Meghan in HR squeezed into a sexy French maid outfit, and after snacking on Halloween candy all day, this look ain't working.

Deb's costume is apparently "Sexy Fireplug."

I'm the Pumpkin Spice Glade Plug In that can't cover up the rancid shit that Millenial Markus just sprayed all over the toilet in the guest bath under the stairs. God in heaven this guy 's ass reeks and he keeps sniffing. Is he enjoying my spooky scent or his own fumes?

I'm the watermelon brain.

I'm Cassidy. I'm the new receptionist and I'm dressed in a giant inflatable ketchup bottle because my autistic older brother calls me Ketchupy. Burkas leave less to the imagination but I will still be whispered about and even called a whore by my male and female coworkers.

I'm the Dollar Tree decorations.

I'm the older, single woman in Sales. I hate this holiday! All I'm doing is wearing bunny ears. That's it. That's all you get from me. My younger coworker is dressed as Raggedy Ann. She makes me sick. Boo hum bug!

R22: or cat ears. And maybe some black tights.

I'm the boss. I'm bored as hell and don't give a damn about any of you. I leave super early and tell Deb she did a great job.

I'm Deb's co-worker BFF Tammy who is FUCKIN VEGAN OKAY> What did you just say to me?

I'm the "Monster Mash" by Bobby "Boris" Pickett played over and over and over again.

I'm the mystery crockpot stew.

R27, I'm the hair found in the crockpot stew.

I'm Mary Beth in Records.

I go to the party and end up playing old showtunes on the piano. I bring very good homemade brownies and make small talk with Cassidy (even though I think she is revealing too much cleavage. I am in my customary white turtle neck, vest, and denim skirt). Markus offered to drive me home as a last resort.

Both my piano playing and my brownies were a hit! People like me more than Deb.

On Halloween night I will be at my reformed church singing hymns in Latin to ward off the devil and his demons who haunt Hallows Eve.

I'm the Swingers Party happening across the street that everyone wishes they were attending instead.

I'm Jack Gerber, the super-serious 62-year-old inside sales rep, who didn't get the last-minute memo from the CEO that Halloween was to be treated as just another workday, that there was to be no on-site festivities and no dressing up in costumes, and who therefore showed up to work in a full-on bunny suit, while everybody else wore regular work attire.

I'm Deb's sandals, the scariest thing about Halloween is looking at her feet fat rolling out of them.

I’m the Peeps. I am not comfortable here. I prefer to be eaten at Easter, as God intended.

I'm the guest toilet- the only one my guests are allowed to use and no shitting please.

I'm the shitty chocolate cake.

If you only knew, R35.

Ginny is DEAD y’all. SHOW some respect.

^that’s what makes her spooky

I am wearing a name tag that says "Hi, my name is Phillip."

Phillip is not my name, but that was the most effort I could put into a costume for this stupid party.

I'm Jayden the twink intern. My hands are always sticky.

I preferred her costume from last year, r17.

I’m Bruce in Sales.

I came dressed as a hippy, in floppy fringe, loose tie-dyed tee, and bell bottoms. So 60’s!

But I’ll leave a little early, and head to that party across the street, where the 60’s drag strips down to full leather underneath. So 80’s!

I make a great entrance, and party down all night.

I keep saying *spooky* because it is October and Halloween season. It is so cute my colleagues love it.

My party is both *spooky* and *spicy*

I hope it's a "come as you are" party and that Miss Ellsworth, the office manager, insists on keeping the break room door closed to keep things quiet in the reception area.

I'm the food dye that makes the food extra spooky and spicy looking

I am the one who just has to come dressed as a handmaid. But there is no ‘ceremony’ tonight boys. Praise Be.

I'm the string of purple lights.

And I'm the string of orange lights!

We're festive!

I'm the bowl of candy I brought for everyone to celebrate...wait...what happened to it??

I'm the half litre of G somebody poured into the fruit punch.

I’m the crucifix hanging in Mary Ann’s cubicle. I was placed there to protect this God-fearing Christian woman from demonic spirits sure to be unleashed by heathen co-workers.

Why is Mary Ann more popular than fat Deb?

I'm Laura the homely receptionist with big tits who comes dressed as a Playboy bunny but wearing a child's Bugs Bunny mask.

I got out the food dye and made my extra-yum purple deviled eggs with spiders made from green peppers. I used pimentos for the eyes. I wish you could see them

I’m the themed, paper-thin plastic tablecloths from Party City, bought last year on clearance and stored in the hall closet for 11 months.

I’m the topsy-turvy cake!

I'm her Halloween costume. It's just a king sized sheet with two eye holes cut in it. It's the only thing she could fit into.

I'm the heart attack that took Deb's life after the guests departed. When Deb didn't show up for work the next day, no one noticed or cared. Her body lay on the floor for days before neighbours noticed the Amazon boxes piling up and called the police to do a wellness check.

I'm the boyfriend of Bruce, who dressed as Baby Jane Hudson, and has to explain to everyone at the party who that character is. They all say "ohh... cute!" but with blank looks. I wasted the better part of 2 hours on this costume. Fortunately I will reuse it on Halloween night at a gay bar where it will be appreciated. I still have a good time and the fraus love me.

I'm the teal pumpkin that Kandace in sales puts on display outside her cubicle to remind everyone that FOOD ALLERGIES ARE REAL and that HALLOWEEN NEEDS TO BE INCLUSIVE.

No peanut treats in Kandace's dish!

I'm Roberta, Deb's jet black cat. Look at me! I'm so ooo spooky! BOO!

I'm the bowl of peeled grapes that Herbert, the office homo, brought in his pumpkin-orange Fiesta ware bowl.

Herbert giggles as he asks Jayden to close his eyes, put his hand in Herbert's fiesta ware, and to feel his creepy eyeballs.

I'm the pesky pesticides along with the dangerous Delta, herpes and influenza viruses which are boldly bouncing in the bobbing apples basin. How do you like them apples?

I’m Sal from Accounts Payable. Deb invites me every year out of pity because I have very bad breath and noticeable body odor even though I rub each pit and my love tunnel with a salt crystal every morning. I always go just to post pictures on social media of hanging with my “friends” and being cool. I also give Deb a finger bang behind the water cooler after everyone leaves.

I'm little Debbie, Debs' teen daughter. Armed with my EpiPen and asthma inhaler, I'm costumed in my too tight, plus sized cheer leading uniform that proves I really am a cheerleader.