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Poverty mentality

Do you have it?

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by Anonymousreply 61October 23, 2021 10:02 AM

I do, somewhat, and I'm worth several million. I shop at the 99 Cent store and use coupons at the market. I'm always fretting over a few dollars when I buy things. I hate that I do that. I know I'm going to die rich and my heirs will get to enjoy my savings.

by Anonymousreply 1October 11, 2021 12:32 AM

Is this a non-binary thing?

by Anonymousreply 2October 11, 2021 12:35 AM

R2 it would appear.

I'm in the process of decluttering and there aren't enough hours in the day.

by Anonymousreply 3October 11, 2021 2:04 AM

Could those two be less appealing? Nope

by Anonymousreply 4October 11, 2021 2:35 AM

I know plenty of wealthy people who “hang on to things”, LOTS of things.

by Anonymousreply 5October 11, 2021 2:41 AM

Yes. I do.

by Anonymousreply 6October 11, 2021 2:45 AM

R4 Yes, they could be naked.

by Anonymousreply 7October 11, 2021 2:50 AM

My mom had a hard time letting go of things. But she didn't keep broken things or clothes that no longer fit. Sounds like this woman was holding onto broken things / clothes that were too small. That's a real problem. I hope they didn't donate broken stuff.

Anyway, I'm glad for her. But, another reason why I like living in my own space. I would have gone nuts living for years with a partner who collected that much clutter.

by Anonymousreply 8October 11, 2021 2:52 AM

Finally, it all makes sense!

by Anonymousreply 9October 11, 2021 3:30 AM

Yes and I also am the type of perfectionist that I psyche myself out because if I can't do something perfectly I don't even want to start so it means my house is often a disaster.

by Anonymousreply 10October 11, 2021 4:58 AM

Oh gawd, yes.

by Anonymousreply 11October 11, 2021 5:00 AM

Did the OP start this thread just so we could see that picture of those lesbians?

by Anonymousreply 12October 11, 2021 5:09 AM

[quote]The new sofa was a revelation. When I sat on it, the springs were firm, and I didn't sink between the cushions, something I didn't realize was possible.

Seems a bit histrionic, finding it a revelation that manufacturers have developed sofas without sagging springs or sinking cushions. Is this associated with the poverty mentality?

by Anonymousreply 13October 11, 2021 5:13 AM

[quote]R12 Did the OP start this thread just so we could see that picture of those lesbians?

Why do you just ASSUME they are lesbians? And all from 1 picture??

They could be sisters, or BFF. Or just maybe one of them is the other’s de-clutter coach??

by Anonymousreply 14October 11, 2021 6:47 AM

I like that purple swirly couch in the article. So does the kitty!

by Anonymousreply 15October 11, 2021 6:52 AM

My mom had the poverty mentality and I inherited some of it. She'd say things like, "You break it and you'll go without!". She grew up dirt poor and obsessed about too much electricity being used, wasting food and ruining your clothes.

by Anonymousreply 16October 11, 2021 9:20 AM

I have poverty mentality, and my parents did, and their parents too. I’m a child of a child of the Depression.

by Anonymousreply 17October 11, 2021 9:52 AM

I think this mentality is within a lot of people, especially after the pandemic. We did the big clean at my mums and ended up with 60 garbage bags and 10 x 150litre containers for the charity stores. The problem down here, in Australia, a lot of the charity stores are not accepting donations at the moment as it seems many people got bored in lockdown and cleaned up and the charity stores were overwhelmed with items, and I guess a lot of the items were also rubbish. But I understand where they are coming from. My folks were depression and war babies. You worked hard and you saved, and if something could be recycled you did. I still struggle with not feeling guilty when I treat myself to something nice etc. I know I work hard, I give to charity, I help people and volunteer, but there is still that nagging of what happens if I have a bad week and need this etc, so I devised a plan of an extra bank account and a few dollars a week and if a bad week, there is money. But, the sense of keeping things is like hoarding. Even if it is neat and tidy, it is still hoarding. There is a mentality to that, a desire to attach emotion to objects that dont require that and that can be hard to break.

by Anonymousreply 18October 11, 2021 10:03 AM

I only date older guys and get the cash upfront so I have had pretty good luck avoiding poverty.

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by Anonymousreply 19October 11, 2021 10:19 AM

Yes and no.

I did before I met my husband and until recently shopped at Amazon Walmart for everything up until my husband put his foot down- we don’t buy any food there anymore because of all the chemicals and only buy strictly cleaning supplies, over the counter meds and toiletries. I’ve whittled things down and live in a 1000 sq ft condo and can’t imagine having to clean or organize anything bigger.

It’s funny because when you’re young you think you need the latest or newest. Then you start to understand that everything is marketed to you, the cheaper items come with limitations, and being expensive doesn’t necessarily mean the time is better. I’ve also seen the mountains of clothing, computer and toxic waste trash we produce in other countries.

When I buy things now, I read reviews, look at warranties and repairability, check for stitching, craftsmanship and quality, stop and think if I really need it or can put off the purchase, and since I cleaned up my credit years ago- stay out of debt.

When I walk into a Dollar store, I can feel the desperation and hopelessness of the people that made the times and those stuck buying them. Not a fan anymore.

by Anonymousreply 20October 11, 2021 10:40 AM

Times, not times.

by Anonymousreply 21October 11, 2021 10:41 AM

Items, not times, DAMMIT

by Anonymousreply 22October 11, 2021 10:54 AM

Now it's time to dump and upgrade those tacky life partners! She no longer fit in with the new decor...

by Anonymousreply 23October 11, 2021 10:57 AM

I notice this is more prevalent amongst those that have lost something. A house to a disaster, a loved one, etc. You start holding on to stuff in case you need it, or that you get attatched to. You know you should toss out a pile of old clothes, but they were a gift, could be repurposed, etc.

by Anonymousreply 24October 11, 2021 11:07 AM

And yet these are the fashions they found were worth saving...I'd be afraid of looking like a tourist in my own home.

by Anonymousreply 25October 11, 2021 1:39 PM

I recently cleaned out my parents' home (the house I grew up in). I was unrelenting when tossing all the stuff from my childhood they still had. All my yearbooks went into the garbage, for example. I hated high school and was bullied constantly; why hold on to those memories?

by Anonymousreply 26October 11, 2021 1:46 PM

Do you think law firms declutter...? This illusion of being paper-free because you can probably obtain information elsewhere is a fucking joke that can harm you in the end.

by Anonymousreply 27October 11, 2021 1:46 PM

I’ve kept my yearbooks from high school. I never look at them. Should I just toss them?

by Anonymousreply 28October 11, 2021 5:39 PM

Hardly anything disgusts me more than cheap, rich people. The kind who are bad tippers.

My grandparents cut corners by not using long distance much and always renting out the basement apartment of their brownstone, but spent money on quality food, clothing and gifts.

I hate unnecessary penny pinchers. It’s all in depressingly bad taste. Pathetic.

by Anonymousreply 29October 11, 2021 7:08 PM

I do for sure, it’s been helpful in pursuit of goals. It gave me a feeling of desperation and I know I can survive with very little, if must. As I’m a bit older now, I’ve worked to let small things go more, not guilt myself. I buy quality things when I make purchases and take good care of belongings. I can now spend money on a show I want to see, and feel fine with that. With that said I could never gamble or waste money. tipping well is not a waste, I’m not miserly at all....I make decisions to spend my resources well, money, time...I still struggle to not let shit take over my headspace, but sometimes, esp with men, it gets the best of me.

by Anonymousreply 30October 11, 2021 7:32 PM

Yes, I do. By the way, does anyone have any Old Navy coupons they aren’t using? I need to buy a winter hat and coat. The pieces I have now are worn out- designer made my ass

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by Anonymousreply 31October 11, 2021 7:34 PM

And throwing food away still hits me...I avoid wasting anything, if I can.

by Anonymousreply 32October 11, 2021 7:34 PM

Love to throw things out. Very therapeutic . Always feel great afterwards.

by Anonymousreply 33October 11, 2021 7:39 PM

Same R33. I have absolutely no issue chucking things out and do so frequently. Always feel lighter after taking the garbage out on garbage day.

by Anonymousreply 34October 11, 2021 8:19 PM

Yes. But I’m working through it, finally, at the age of 50. My parents were of the “don’t throw it out!” mindset (thanks to their Depression-era parents) and I grew up poor. Never really had anything I wanted as a kid and the stuff I got was junk, or it was tossed because we moved a lot. But now my spouse and I are high income, so it’s been tough to reconcile.

For years I collected stuff. Cheap stuff, mostly. Salt and pepper shakers, vintage toys I had and lost or had wanted as a kid, stupid antique-y things that don’t take up much space individually, but do collectively. They have no real intrinsic value and they have zero sentimental value. I just liked them or wanted to “save” them from being tossed or sold to someone else simply because the items are old. I also hoarded stuff like jeans (had one pair as a kid) and clothing. I think at one point I had 50 pair of jeans or more, just because I could buy them whenever I wanted and it felt good on the moment.

Doing my family’s genealogy and archiving my grand/great-grandparent’s stuff has helped me stop. Ultimately we end up as nothing but a memory for a few generations, then a very minor footnote in our family’s history. And our possessions, even the really important stuff, get lost in time, tossed, or donated. We end up being simply a headstone, a handful of photographs, and maybe a gold watch or another artifact to future generations. The rest? Gone.

Another angle/perspective I started taking on hoarding/collecting/never tossing is that I was sick of my things being in charge and in control of me, instead of the other way around. My stuff started overwhelming me, frustrating and distracting me from my life. Enough was enough. I’m getting really close to being content and not overwhelmed, finally.

by Anonymousreply 35October 11, 2021 10:10 PM

I have found a lot of declutter is also getting rid of books, videos, etc. I have only the rare or signed books left on the shelf, same as cd's or fav movies, and now all my books are on the kindle, and I have streaming for movies and music. I am also a huge fan of the library system, which is where i can borrow books, movies, audio books, etc. So I dont miss out on what I enjoy, but I like giving it back. I have learnt several languages using the library resources. (This is Australia). I think there is a profound mental clarity when we find remove the emotion from some items. Why hang on to chipped plates, even if we have attached a sentimental reasoning. I have also found the electronic picture frames are great. But, I also enjoy scavenging at garage sales or swap meets or the markets. I think though as I have got older I am more precise with what I find, and ask myself do I need this and does it serve a purpose. This has cut down on the regret buys as well as the clutter.

by Anonymousreply 36October 12, 2021 4:42 AM

In the sense that I live well below my means, yes. I don’t buy enough stuff to have to declutter.

by Anonymousreply 37October 12, 2021 4:46 AM

Buck would never have adopted a poverty mentality.

by Anonymousreply 38October 12, 2021 5:02 AM

[quote] The problem down here, in Australia, a lot of the charity stores are not accepting donations at the moment.

They've been very snooty for a decade.

A friends tells how they came and inspected a 'deco-style cupboard' for about five minutes to find a fault and they rejected it.

by Anonymousreply 39October 12, 2021 5:31 AM

99% of books have NO resale value.

by Anonymousreply 40October 12, 2021 5:33 AM

Joan Plowright told about the pleasure she got by burning old stuff at her country house. I think she described it as a 'purgative pleasure'.

We now know she was going demented as well as blind. So she wasn't just burning her old stuff but her husband's.

Vivien Leigh's daughter kept all her old stuff but she sold it to the Victoria and Albert Museum for ONE MILLION POUNDS!

So bearing all the above in mind I am carefully sorting my (comparatively-invaluable) possessions over the last decade and donating particular items to local archives and museums.

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by Anonymousreply 41October 12, 2021 5:46 AM

That hair is poverty mentality ijs.

by Anonymousreply 42October 12, 2021 5:50 AM

I can't just throw away things that might be worth something, but I'll donate them to a charity thrift shop with no problem. Happily in fact.

by Anonymousreply 43October 12, 2021 5:51 AM

I have slowly but surely been getting rid of stuff..Mostly because when I kick the bucket I don't want my family dealing with my junk. Still have a box of old 8mm homemade videos I used to make with exes and friends years ago..A LOT. I didn't realize how many until you see them all together. Dozens. I never taped over any so one tape is at least one "get together"... I guess I was quite the porn star before OnlyFans and before I got old... Not sure what to do with them. Maybe I should make a will and leave them to my sister in law so she can hate me even more.? I don't want to go thru the trouble of converting them or putting them online...

by Anonymousreply 44October 12, 2021 5:58 AM

I am fascinated by hoarder shows on tv but it is foreign to me. The reason many get into the situation is their compulsive buying of often needless items. I have been referred to as the world's worst shopper, I go in to a store to buy a specific item and leave. I don't browse. We have a big house and some may say that it's sparsely furnished. I was thinking last night taking out the trash that we don't produce much trash either. At this point I have buried parents and grandparents and sorted through a lot of stuff. I make a joke with my partner that each parent's life has been reduced to a box, which we keep in a back closet. I respect things that meant a lot to them but the things don't hold the same meaning to me.

by Anonymousreply 45October 12, 2021 6:20 AM

R39 I couldnt agree more. I had family move back to the UK and only shopped at Grace Brothers and Myers, so the US equivalent I think is Macys. Never shopped anywhere else and St Vinnys came by and rejected it all. They are very picky and want brand new items especially furniture to sell. Yes, they are running a business but your business is aimed at people who will compromise on a certain quality for price they can afford. However, some of the charity stores are charging prices for some items you could buy brand new in Big W, Kmart etc.

by Anonymousreply 46October 12, 2021 8:54 AM

I thought the article, light as it was, was one of the better on the subject. Not strident or promising some transformative result at the end of a difficult path, and not touching on the whole "Hoarders" thing which, contrary to popular opinion, is not about having a lot of things but about living in filth and misery because of crippling and incurable mental illness (some people have a lot of shit, some people are hoarders but the Venn intersect on those circles is a very slender one, and this article proposes a "poverty mentality" as the basis for some people with too much shit who are not, however, mentally crippled hoarders.)

I've certainly seen people who did not come from monied backgrounds do a lot of the things the author describes, and for the reasons she describes. Buying seriously overscaled furniture for a space fits with the authors premise: a way to justify spending a relative lot for big things by buying really fucking big things. Now that I think of it, I've seen an uncommon number of lesbians with way oversized furniture, that was bought with an eye to bigger rather than better. The author's article is an interesting possible explanation for why some people have the tings they have, and why they hang on to extract the last possible bit of use from something they stopped liking and that may have stopped fitting its purpose ages ago.

I've certainly seen people who fit with this "poverty mentality" idea were not so much sentimentally attached to objects (that's a different problem altogether, holding on to the baby clothes of your 57 year old daughter, for instance) but had great difficulty in getting rid or even hiding things in storage that they had once paid some money to have. Having once splurged on a multi-disk CD player they think they should somehow keep it forever to extend the years of (non)-use as though that brought better value to a transaction that anyone else would have forgotten.

I've always loved things, it's part of my career, and while I've had a lot of things at various times (in big houses) I hate narrow paths and clutter and things piled high and furniture and odd things just parked someplace for the sake of convenient storage, not purpose. I'm not a minimalist, but neither am I a clutter freak, laying on things in layers vertically and horizontally. That would drive me nuts. I need the space between things to apppreciate them. I need order and quality and harmony in things (or maybe interesting chaos) but more is not better, better is better.

by Anonymousreply 47October 12, 2021 9:59 AM

The one with the blue glasses is trans, right?

by Anonymousreply 48October 12, 2021 10:47 AM

I’m slowly (very) decluttering .. at the same time, I’m still buying. I feel once you stop buying stuff, you feel your life is over.

by Anonymousreply 49October 12, 2021 11:12 AM

There's something to that, R49. If you visit the homes of a lot of old people you can figure out the approximate year they stopped keeping up with things, not just material things but everything in the world outside their bodies.

The only evidence of modern life are pill bottles and medical related things. The last piece of furniture they bought was in 1993, they have the same bowl of Italian ceramic fruit in the kitchen that they have had for 54 years, only now it has a thick coat of dust (because they don't see so well, they don't notice.) They have a flatscreen TV (but a 19 year old one) sitting on top of a TV from another century and then a couple of decades in a wooden cabinet with brass hardware ("they don't make nice TV sets in cabinets anymore, do they?") They have a basket filled with magazines, some at the bottom are 25 years old, and beneath that some cassette tapes of music not heard even in Branson in more than 30 years, "maybe I will play them someday." It's a mothballed museum room from 35, 25, 18 years ago, tidy but dusty, and not one thing bought new in the years since except those pill bottles and food in the cupboards.

Old people's houses have a sad cut-off date of when they stopped caring.

by Anonymousreply 50October 12, 2021 11:29 AM

Yes, Isaiah sad to Hezekiah in the Bible "Set your house in order, for you shall die and not live.”

I've seen 3 people die in last 18 months and it's really tawdry, sad and stressful sorting through their possessions before their house gets sold off to strangers.

by Anonymousreply 51October 12, 2021 12:04 PM

Basically that's my house, R50, and I'm not even that old (except by DL standards). I'm not sure I have a poverty mentality exactly, but I'm more disturbed by the habit of throwing things away that still work fine (whether to keep them compatible with other stuff in an increasingly interconnected technology or just for the sake of newness), and I definitely am of the school of keeping family photos, diaries, and letters.

by Anonymousreply 52October 12, 2021 12:28 PM

My Bric-à-bracs makes me happy - after I die, it really doesn’t matter what happens to them.

by Anonymousreply 53October 12, 2021 12:29 PM

I was just going through my fathers stuff and found a bunch of photos and letters from his mistress. He kept all the receipts from some holiday they took in 1977. My mother was expecting my sister at the time. Throw your trash away, people.

by Anonymousreply 54October 15, 2021 4:34 PM

I used to have this mentality, but once I hit my fifties I realized that sooner or later I was going to have to start getting rid of stuff. Otherwise, if I had to downsize, I'd have a huge job to do prior to the move, or if it waited till I died, some unlucky bastard was going to have clear through all my stuff.

So I now de-clutter every two years. If I haven't made use of an item within the past two years, it gets tossed (unless I can make a strong case to myself for keeping it, which is very seldom). I don't bother donating this stuff - as people have mentioned, and as the local charity shops have explained, they get buried under a mass of donations, most of which they end up not being able to sell or use themselves. So they are stuck with the expense of disposing of all that excess. By tossing it myself, I at least save the charity shops the expense of doing it for me.

And no, I'm not gonna do a garage sale or post it on Craigslist. The return is too little for the effort involved. It's just so much easier to trash it. Also, doing so has made me much more particular about buying anything. I now know that if I don't really need it, I'll end up throwing it away. Same goes for buying cheap - I've learned the hard way that cheap goods only mean more trash and spending more money in the future. Better to save up to buy better quality, and only what I really need. Need, not want. Took me years to get to that mindset, alas.

by Anonymousreply 55October 15, 2021 5:06 PM

After seeing that picture, I only have two questions: which one is the they and which is the other they?

by Anonymousreply 56October 15, 2021 5:30 PM

Somewhat of a poverty mentality.

The article outlines something that took me a long time to break - I would always get the cheapest clothes, furniture, etc. and often, it would break or fall apart way sooner than expected. (Duh, that's why the chipped shelving was in the As Is room at IKEA) I ended up spending more buying something two and three and five times, instead of spending a bit more and buying wisely at the beginning.

Spent 3K on a Room and Board couch 12 years ago and it still looks good and is still comfortable.

Of course that doesn't work for every situation, but it's good to think that way for the big ticket items, at least.

by Anonymousreply 57October 15, 2021 5:39 PM

I think one of the goals is first realising that you have too much stuff and then taking the steps to get rid of what you dont need or want. I found it easy for 75% of things but the last 25% was family items. I must say I did enjoy throwing out things my ex's had given me. I actually found that therapeutic and mentally healthy. The charity stores in Australia are not even open yet or taking items so a lot is going into land fill, and honestly a lot should. People give ripped or stained clothing and yes it makes you feel better, but the charity stores cant sell that crap and then have to pay for it to go to the tip. I think it is a process.

by Anonymousreply 58October 23, 2021 6:57 AM

I hang on to books, antiques, works of art and kitchen items such as old cast-iron frying pans (which I love using). I also admit I'm sentimental about certain childhood toys and drawings.

But I'm not very acquisitive. My family had a tendency to collect old furniture and paintings, etc., so I feel I don't need more of it.

by Anonymousreply 59October 23, 2021 7:10 AM

They look like they're from Portland.

by Anonymousreply 60October 23, 2021 7:28 AM

This is for (59). I have a cast iron skillet and I cannot lift it! Nor can I lift a large dutch oven with a stew in it. Pld age is no picnic. Rheumatoid arthritis is the pits.

by Anonymousreply 61October 23, 2021 10:02 AM
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