I can't be bothered having friends.

You should still try to force yourself to mingle from time to time, even if you don't return to your previous level of socializing. It's healthy to get out every so often. Perhaps you could volunteer somewhere - then you'd still be around other people, but not in a friendship sort of way?

I'm completely with you, OP. I do not like working from home however. I much prefer the office environment. Socially I am very much happy to be away from others.

I am the same, OP. People are exhausting. There is nothing I hate more than talking on the phone or making polite small talk. I would rather read or spend time with my cats.

R3, are they rescue cats?

i am an introvert, so i understand. the older i get, the less patience i have dealing with people. I do have bouts of loneliness, but a trip out shopping usually does the trick.

I think getting back into volunteering is great advice R1 and I will look for something suitable.

I feel the same R2. I enjoy the low level hum of a work space, the easy camaraderie, working towards a shared goal. And I like that you can leave it there. I feel like the pandemic has exposed aspects of friends that I simply don't like.

R3, you're my kind of person (one of my cats is sitting on my shoulder right now).

R4, I can't speak for R3 but you can rest assured that all of my pets are rescues.

Completely agree. I blew off a friend today who wanted to get together tonight. I am swamped with work and he knows this. Its like he keeps asking to get together, knowing I am overwhelmed, to test our friendship? To see if I will cave and say yes? I did not answer any texts today either. Who texts for chit chat on a Monday during the day? Trying not to sound like a curmudgeon but they all drive me nuts anymore. Its not like we are young with a ton of free time. Im busy, and when I am not I need to regroup. Its just not worth it.

same. OP. I don't think that I am currently particularly depressed but I am definitely embracing my antisocial tendencies.

R10 I was thinking pretty much the same thing today about a friend. It feels like he won't leave me alone.

Good luck, OP!

I reckon some friends do try to test us that way, R10. Or they're being overly well meaning and trying to keep us company. Which we don't want and how do we possibly make that clearer?!

Hi rescue-chick R11. I always enjoy your posts.

Thanks R12! And to you, in your friendless endeavors!

hi r14 -love your authentication!

Lol thanks rescue-chick R16. It seemed rather witty way back when I registered.

Out of interest, I just clicked on my hyperlink and man, do I come off as a mopey bastard. I post a hell of a lot more, I just don't sign posts because I don't want to attract the trolls.

I clicked on your hyperlink too. Do you, on some level, feel unworthy of your friends friendships? Did you get on antidepressants or get counseling? I have an up and down mental health history too. You have to work for the ups and for me, it usually entails realizing that I am worthy of health and happiness (or at least neutrality)

If you don't want to do it for yourself, perhaps look on spending time with your friends as a favour to them and a way to help their mental health? This way of framing it might provide more motivation?

Do a little good in the world?

Another one here like you, OP. I can't stand people and can only tolerate them in limited doses. The pandemic has given me an excuse to completely blow off people and I couldn't be happier. But unlike you, I like getting out, travelling solo, visiting museums and exhibitions, and sitting alone in parks, bars and outdoor restaurants to people-watch. You see, I still find people very fascinating, but don't want them in my life.

I hardly ever leave the house and keep in minimal touch with friends and family via text. Very rarely a phone call. I cook, and watch tons of movies and tv. This might be the happiest I've ever been. And I don't have pets and I don't like the outdoors.

I'm curious as to the gay/lesbian content of this thread.

Thinking this is more a lesbian one than a gay male one.

However, I'm a gay male and I agree with OP. I was fairly social before the pandemic, but the lockdown etc taught me that being alone is actually more interesting than being with other people. So now, I'm alone, and enjoying it.

The only thing I worry about is my health. If something were to happen....

straight chick r22

I'm an introvert with social anxiety. I love how the pandemic has made it acceptable to be solitary. But...I know it's not healthy to keep to myself so much, so I go to therapy to treat my social anxiety. I might come out of the pandemic more social than I was before.

You MUST speak to six human beings every day to retain your sanity.

Six, I tell you!

That six may include shopkeepers and Dataloungers but it does NOT include cats or dogs!

Social media has made friendship a bit of work. I was thinking that yesterday. Someone invited me to join a group I know for dinner. It was the first time post-pandemic we'd see each other.

I was sort of like....damn now I have to shave and tame my bedhead and pick out clothes because I know someone will want photos and it will be broadcast to everyone we went to school with.

Camera phones need to fade off. I hear kids hate them and some scream about their parents constantly taking pictures. Maybe in 20 years things will be better (of course the planet will be dead by then but you can't have everything.)

Agree with those who suggested volunteering. It’s social without forcing socializing and the need for a lot of conversation. Plus you are helping others, which does feel good.

I used to think like R19 , that there was something self-satisfying in "doing a little good in the world". Until I realized that "doing good" more often than not makes you someone's victim. Real self-satisfaction comes with the knowledge that I can go days without talking to another human being. That I'm comfortable and at ease in my own skin and with my own company.

I miss lockdown, walking around for hours on the empty, silent streets. Perfect peace.

The older I get and definitely 'post' pandemic - I'm growing more and more solo, enjoying my own company. I've cut out or lost touch with people who were acquaintances and maybe not the best ones. Several friends have moved states. Add in some breakups and burned bridges. Turns out I am more or less left with myself. (And a pet).

I’m content with 2 good friends and my mother and my sister. But I’m afraid that when my mother goes, I’ll have no emotional support anymore. The friend and the sister aren’t for anything deep. In general I hate people and don’t want to meet anyone new. The pandemic has been a blessing for me, overall.

I've always been an introvert with a small social circle, which has gotten smaller as I age. I think for those with depression, it's different, but I love it. My social life didn't change at all due to Covid, and my work life got much better as I no longer have to travel all around my city.

I have daily contact with people (video calls) for work, a few good friends (who I rarely see but maintain contact with), and regular talks (via Zoom) with my mother and sometimes sister/niece. I'm never lonely. However, I do also wonder how it will be if my good friends go before I do, or when my mother passes away.

Friends can be a drain.

I have gone from having many friends when I was younger to having just a handful of good, close friends. And even then, I keep them at arms' length. I find most people exhausting and tiresome. It's part of becoming a cranky old man.

I get it OP. Thankful for DL.

Sending you a hug.

I moved to a new country relatively recently so while making friends isn't easy, it doesn't bother me.

[quote]I can't be bothered having friends.

Yes, you can, otherwise you wouldn't bother coming here and starting a thread.

If you don't want to have friends, at least try to be friendly to other people.

I've been on the DL for over 20 years. I can't tell you how many holidays I've spent with you folks. Grateful. While I may be invited here or there (or not), none of it usually sounds that appealing. I enjoy grabbing dinner or drinks with a close friend. But my friend circle has dwindled significantly and I hope to find a new spot to live soon, too. Still undetermined.

* I do want to meet new people and eventually / maybe a partner, but have a hard time putting myself out there or finding people I want to share my time with. Much harder as you get older and now in my 40's.

DL has been such a tonic before and during the pandemic. I love that I feel so connected to you hateful bitches, and it makes it better that I don't know any of your names. There's something freeing and pure about being able to chat anonymously--and not because it gives you cover to be awful. What I find amazing about DL is that most of us don't use it as a place to tear each other down (and if we do--it's mostly lighthearted and meant to tease the OP or poster rather than a slap down).

I've been through some pretty dark times these past few years, and you idiots never fail to give me a boost.

So, hang in there, OP. DL will be here for support, but it's healthy to make non-anonymous connections. Pick up a hobby that involves others if you can (a card club, a painting class, etc)--you don't have to make friends with anyone but being able to share an interest can give you the level of connection you need to prevent emotional isolation.

Same, OP.

Try and do one social interaction per week (or fortnight, or month) just to keep your hand in.

Me neither.

I was going thru a rough patch pre pandemic and that ended with me gray rocking 99% of my social circle,It took some time for people to get the hint and leave me alone but when it happened i felt amazing, like a burden being lifted, it felt like I was forcing myself to be social my whole life just because thats what you're supposed to do, my mental health improved, Im happier.

I don't hate people, I enjoy being nice and getting along with everyone but I strongly prefer to be alone. I have one (1) friend and we met eachother like once a month, and sometimes thats too much for me.

Also, I have a semi-pleasant personality and everyday I have to walk the fine line between being nice enough but not too nice to get invited to anything, people tend to resent you for rejecting invitations and I don't want stupid shit in my life.

Anyways, love u OP .

The pandemic has made me more of a confirmed introvert than ever. What more do you need to confirm your social anxiety than the fact that a significant portion of your community is out there right now actively trying to kill you and your fellow humans?

R41, we might be the same person..

OP...I could have written your original post, as I feel the same way. I can identify with everything in your post.

I'm in a good financial position where I can be home alone 24/7 and while I hate covid as much as anybody I'm introvert enough to make the most of it. I find messaging on the internet gives me little satisfaction but what I can do and what I enjoy most is writing physical letters to individual people in my field and while my epistolary output won't be ranked with Oscar Wilde I know they're pithy and witty enough to be read with interest. If the post office is too much for anyone cool looking forever stamps can be obtained on Amazon.

OP, I am not depressed but I tend to be a loner and introvert. Even when I was a kid I had to be coaxed out of my room to go outside and play. I was happy reading books and being alone. I like to say I like individuals but I loathe humanity as a whole and find public gatherings, parties, etc. exhausting and have very few friends. More acquaintances. I haven't been to a movie theater or concert in years and do not miss them. I go out to eat and there are a few small, not too busy watering holes I enjoy but that's it.

As an introvert (in Jungian and Meyers-Briggs sense), it’s a challenge to find balance. I’m far from an isolate, but find large groups exhausting after awhile. Teaching for forty was draining, but usually in a positive way. Now in retirement I have less ongoing contact with people other than my husband and a very small circle of friends and relatives (fewer than five with any regularity).

I wish I had kept in touch with some people that it seems too awkward to contact now. They are functioning normal beings, I am - not?

I'm similar. I was glad when lockdown came in because then I had an excuse to stay mostly indoors and didn't have to make excuses to avoid attending social events (especially with work) or going along to social events and hoping the time would pass by quickly. I also like working from home full time.

I'm in the UK and restrictions have now gone. We're being 'encouraged' back to the office (I'm returning soon) and there's excited talks of team social events, such as Christmas parties, after work drinks, meals out, etc etc. I don't mind social events with very close family and friends, but I could do without all the other events. If cases increase over winter and lockdown comes back in, I won't be disappointed.

OP is an introvert. Nothing wrong with this at all.

Most people aren't that interesting or funny. Most people are judgemental, controlling, insecure, two faced, game playing gossip hounds. I can't deal with people's nonsense anymore.

No one is really genuine about anything. And that applies to all of us. It’s hard to make good friends because everyone is putting up a front to attract people into their orbit. Then once you are, the masks come off…