Why are gay men so cruel to each other?

Hurt people hurt people

It's a subject that will probably get mocked here...but it's a very valid question.

Are you exempting yourself from your criticism, OP?

Are we talking real life, or Datalounge? Because certain types of gay men are really toxic and evil on this site. It’s not typical real life behavior. It’s like bitchy soap opera characters with no constraints.

It’s mostly effeminate gay men who are like this, by the way, which makes me think they’re bitter and having their revenge.

Are you a Gay man, OP?

If so, why would you ask such a cruel question on a Gay men's website?

If not, why would you ask such a cruel question on a Gay men's website?

It's not a good question, it's just trolling. We get this kind of post every time there's some rightwing brigade on DL. Either it's "why are gays so awful" or it's "life is awful and we should all just kill ourselves."

After a year of being too sedentary because of the pandemic—and gaining 20 pounds—I've started going back to the gym and walking around Manhattan, 5 to 6 miles most days.

Yesterday, I was walking home via 13th Street when two gay guys who were approaching looked me up and down, and one turned to the other and literally rolled his eyes.

I feel too ugly to bother anyone on apps or dating sites or at bars. But apparently I'm too repulsive to even leave the house.

“Pointless Bitchery”

We are just following orders.

That was crummy, R7. I hope you are able to shake it off.

Men are different than women, OP.

[quote] Why are gay men so cruel to each other?

You've lived with everything I've lost, and loved another man through it all, and I am cruel? I could peel you like a pear, and god himself would call it justice!

R1 isn’t everybody “hurt” to some degree? Nobody gets through this life unscathed!

[quote] But apparently I'm too repulsive to even leave the house.

Why don't you just wear a sign that says too ugly to live"?

OP, you sound as though you're doing the right thing. A lot of us are "getting our act together" in terms of getting more exercise and taking better care of ourselves after a sluggish, slovenly time.

Fuck the eyerollers, seems like someone's always around wanting to fart in someone else's good time. Take your walks and enjoy them, it's a great time of year to walk around New York. Fall is my favorite in that part of the world.

[quote]That was crummy, [R7]. I hope you are able to shake it off.

I didn't really feel anything, because I've come to expect it.

My first boyfriend in NYC told me I was fat, when I was 21 and 150 pounds at 5'11". This was a couple of months after one of the first guys I slept with pinched my belly disapprovingly.

I've had disordered eating ever since. I hate my body so much it probably wrecked a couple of relationships. I just assume people should roll their eyes when they see me.

R15 = R7

Same reason why women are cruel to other women. Cattiness and bitchery.

OP, thanks for asking this. I've never felt any welcome from the so-called "Gay Community"... I never fit in. And couldn't stand the viciousness. The dismissiveness. It was so cliquey, like the worst parts of High School. I never really ever felt support.

Faulty toilet training

R1 gave the concise answer.

[quote] Yesterday, I was walking home via 13th Street when two gay guys who were approaching looked me up and down, and one turned to the other and literally rolled his eyes.

LOL

[quote] “Pointless Bitchery”

[quote]We are just following orders.

This is a lame cop-out. Implicit in the ‘pointless bitchery’ is that there is usually some humor to it. There often is no wit involved in the toxicity on this site. Also, the best Dataloungers are *better than*, smarter than, and funnier than the webmaster or whoever wrote the shit in the site’s FAQs or wherever it is. Fuck’s sake, the webmaster refers to this site as a “steaming pile”. Gross! I guess this site is utterly awful at its worst, but it’s really only as bad as its worst users. It’s up to us to rise above it.

People who need people 🤡

Or you could LEAVE if you feel that way about it, r22. It may only be a rumor but I hear there are other websites on the internet. You could take a look around and maybe find one you didn't hate and say horrible things about.

The simplest answer is that most gay men remain in a state of perpetual adolescence, but that’s true of men in general. Why ascribe any value to their actions or opinion? And I say this as a gay man.

[quote] It may only be a rumor but I hear there are other websites on the internet. You could take a look around and maybe find one you didn't hate and say horrible things about.

Try Manvox. We’re nicer.

[quote] The simplest answer is that most gay men remain in a state of perpetual adolescence, but that’s true of men in general.

I’m sorry, but straight men aren’t pointlessly catty cunts like the queers on this site. It’s just true. And I say this as a gay man.

OP, you smell and we don’t like you.

R22 Send a self-addressed stamped envelope to:

Muriel Williams c/o DataLounge PO BOX 123 Tupper Lake, NY 12345

[quote]straight men aren’t pointlessly catty cunts like the queers on this site.

Straight men are the cattiest, most insecure bitches around.

They act out their need to be the alpha in every situation. They may not dish with the gurlz on Datalounge, but they piss on everyone and everything in real life and online. Just look at any mainstream online comments section.

I don’t find that to be the case, R30. Sorry.

I don't witness what you're describing OP, and I've lived in NYC for almost forty years.

You must just have chosen toxic friends.

I live in NYC, too, R32. I’m convinced we’re just talking about Datalounge. It’s the bitchiest gay place on earth.

Half the bitches on Datalounge are women. At least half, probably more.

I don’t care for your tone, sir.

[quote]Why don't you just wear a sign that says "too ugly to live"?

That GG line literally popped into my head at the time, R13. It often does, actually.

Actually r34 the polls taken on DL consistently show something like 80% gay, 15% straight women, 4% lesbian, 1% straight men.

No no no R37 it's all womens fault.

[quote]My first boyfriend in NYC told me I was fat, when I was 21 and 150 pounds at 5'11". This was a couple of months after one of the first guys I slept with pinched my belly disapprovingly.

R15 thats just fucking awful. I can believe it though. A tall skinny guy with a bit of a belly sounds cute actually, I have a thing for guys like that

Mind your own business, bitch. Stop projecting, concern troll.

It’s interesting that straight teenage boys are much worse than gay men when it comes to narcissism, gross out humour, attacking the weak and antisocial behaviour. But most straight men grow out of this. They evolve into quite respectable adults. Possibly due to delayed adolescence, we never seem to fully do so.

Look at the threads on here. How many of them are negative and try to tear down an individual or group. Then look at the posts. Again most are negative and try to tear down someone down frequently other posters. You can't have an intelligent discussion. If you disagree with someone they call you names rather than discuss the issue.

Try to find a positive topic. Not many and when there is one, it degenerates to negative posts.

And most of the "bitchery" isn't funny just mean.

There is a lot of this in the gay community out side of DL. DL just takes it to the max.

Thank you for your all encompassing insightful summary of us gay men.

Because they are BOTTOMS. Being addicted to cock up the arse is bad for your mental health.

R42, what are you doing here?

Seriously, you hate the people on the website, you hate the topics we discuss and the way we discuss them, so why are you here? There are a million other sites you can go to where you won't have to deal with all these terrible Gay men who aren't even funny.

What is your fucking problem? Masochist?

r22, in life it helps a lot when you have a) a thick skin, b) a good sense of humor, and c) don't take yourself so seriously.

r1 probably gave the most correct answer to this thread. I'd like to add the notion that some people (including some gays) rather reject others than be rejected by others, because it feels better doing the rejecting than suffer the humiliation of being rejected. It's a self-defense mechanism that, as a result, hurts others and - in the long run - isolates you from other people who could've been great friends or romantic partners.

R15 I’m the same, I’m 6ft2 and have always been slim but about 15 years ago a guy I was dating told me I should not have any belly fat and pinched it (I did have a tiny bit). That has always stayed with me and I obsess over calories and my weight.

Beware of people who make you self-conscious through passive-aggressive mind games. They do this to control you by making you feel small and glad that you have someone who takes care of you and isn't afraid to "tell you like it is".

I think it's actually the younger generation of gays who have had it much easier than previous generations who are the most cruel and the most entitled.

Some sociologist may have an explanation.

Thanks, R47.

I'm actually crying a little right now because I've never been able to talk to anybody who could/would relate.

I know, Mary. Fine.

It's ruled my whole view of myself for 20 years. You pursue what these guys teach you they want, which is unreasonable, and then you can't achieve it and totally give up for periods of time, which only makes things worse. I've been cycling for two decades. Instagram has magnified the problem.

Most straight men are exceptionally cruel if you dare be different or have a different opinion from the group. People in general are a mean species when the world could literally change for the better overnight if we decided to be kinder to each other.

Deep-rooted insecurity

We kid because we love.

Most of us are raised to fear rejection from our peers and do everything we can to get our peers' approval through any means necessary (talent, put on an act / fake it 'til you make it, intimidation, manipulation, force, etc.).

Some Gays still believe in this idea that we live in a straight white men's world and there are only very few seats left at the cool kids' / movers and shakers' table reserved for minorities. That's why you see members of all minority groups fighting each other over getting one of those few seats. It's all about making minorities want to be part of the straight white men establishment, instead of bringing that outdated status quo down or doing their own thing away from the toxic straight white men status quo.

I agree with your assessment of the problems on DL, r42. It's impossible to have a discussion here anymore. However, I don't think it's a gay thing in the slightest. You see it all over the internet and not just on gay forums.

Personally I think it's because most people can't differentiate between trolls and real people, and people also emulate how others behave, so they've internalized how trolls behave and are behaving that way themselves.

DL is satisfying the need for: Presenting Hole, grease fire burnings, sassy and fierce "Oh no you didn't!"

I'm sure there are other places and social media platforms that satisfy the need for "You go gurl!" support and gentle hugs.

Gay men can be vicious to one another. I don't think it's just a trolling question, and I think dismissing it that way is a convenient way to avoid talking about reality.

Most women are vicious to other women, and gay men together can be similar. Collectively, in the abstract, women lobby for equal pay and equal treatment at work. I support these causes totally, which is why the behavior of *most* women at work floors me. Nearly every woman I know, including women I work with, women I've been in school with and my own feminist mother and sister, have told me "women are impossible to work with" and "women are such bitches at work." I work in nonprofits. Most of my coworkers over 20 years have been women, from entry to executive level, and by and large, women are not impossible to work with or any bitchier than men are. I tell women this when they complain about women, and I tell them that by complaining within earshot of men that women are terrible coworkers, they are undermining their demands for fair treatment at work. I'm sure many have received this as mansplaining to them and have been offended, but it's how I see reality.

I see gay men behaving similarly—both women and gay men accept most straight men exactly as they are and (when they know them personally) will even defend their wrongful words and actions. They are resigned to straight men being callous and obnoxious and sometimes even are protective of them for it. But they are very quick to criticize one another for everything.

We all know what the standard looks are, but here's just one random example of what a gay guy has to look like to be accepted by other gay guys. Not just accepted, but (postive reinforcement) lusted after and (negative) not shamed for appearing inadequate.

Cont.

I have worked with several other gay men and I could not get along with one of them at all. We were like opposite poles of magnets from the beginning, and I honestly always felt like a cat with its hackles always raised around him. I can explain the personality traits that were so off putting to me—arrogance and pompousness, refusal to participate in some grudge work, superficiality, criticism of others' appearances, etc—but I can't explain exactly why my claws were always out around him and vice versa. We agreed we can never like one another.

That guy was an ultra-conformist gay: he belongs to a gay gym and talks about it constantly, he preens and primps constantly, he is absolutely regimented about his hair, his eyebrows, his skin, his polo shirts, the build of his chest and arms, etc., being just so. He talks about sex constantly, even at work. To me, he emulates the TV version of gay men and to me, that's disturbing. I am judgmental about it. It has nothing to do with his being effeminate; I am, as well. We both are. It's not about homophobia but about the ultra-conformist aspect of gay male culture that he finds mandatory and expects from others and that I find alienating and disturbing.

There are at least a couple of major facets to this, but in my experience, gay men at their most comfortable and content are ultra-conformists and also 'mean girls' of the adolescent high school variety. They expect themselves and other gay men to look as similar as possible—inspired by the looks of male models, actors and porn stars—to speak with the same slang, to work out a lot and demonstrate their worth by being shirtless and broadcasting their bodies as often as possible, by being professionally ambitious and measuring their titles and incomes and possessions against other gay men's statuses, and the higher they agree among one another they rank, the more condemning of others they are.

Cont.

Everything is about being the ideal form of a standard single type and measuring oneself against all the others of that type, competing against the one who checks off the most boxes and humiliating the ones who have the fewest.

I was at an after-work party years ago with the coworker described above and another gay coworker, and a woman was talking about her friends, another gay couple who she pointed out who had just become engaged. I didn't know them but I took it as happy news and was generally happy for them. As soon as the woman walked away, the two gay guys started calling the couple a 'mismatch' and giggling meanly about the guys, one of whom looked conventionally attractive and the other a little more average. They were theorizing that the other guy must be rich or connected or must be into being sexually humiliated or something to have landed the cuter guy. There was zero consideration of the possibility that they might care about one another—because to gay men of a certain type, everything is a commodity or a liability. I have few gay friends because of this. I can't bear to be around people like this, and I have less than zero interest in going to drunk brunches on Sundays and making fun of people who don't conform to gay expectations, which seems to be the coveted lifestyle. I just don't get it. I feel like an alien among 'my own kind.'

I think gay men can embody the worst traits of women and men. They act like women socially, measuring one anothers' value and assigning a cruel pecking order based on it, and they act like super-men when it comes to being driven ruthlessly to attain money, status, material things, etc., without regard to people as people.

My friends are straight. I do not hang with other gay dudes. Gays are cruel to each other more so than straight guys are to other straight guys.

R4 is exactly what the OP is talking about. Self loathing homophobes who take out their self hatred on other gays. Pathetic.

Still trying R26. An old DL “joke” like graxy that was never funny. 🤡

No, they’re not R34.

Gay men are all VERY friendly to me, and I don't even think they deserve basic human rights.

We learned by watching all the woman we knew growing up.

r57 - r59 I absolutely ❤ you!

R2 you were prescient. It didn't take long before the name-calling etc. started. And, it IS a valid subject.

[quote][R4] is exactly what the OP is talking about. Self loathing homophobes who take out their self hatred on other gays. Pathetic.

I am with R4. Although i would refine it. Not all effeminate men are bitchy, but all bitchy men are effeminate.

It's not homophobic to point out he obvious. Efem guys tend to model their behavior after woman. They idolize women, put them of pedestals, turn them into Divas, want to compete with them, obsess over them on reality shows. Not a stretch of the imagination that they also model the bitchy behavior women are so good at.

People in general sucks OP but I agree gay men can be horrible to each other,I just need to open a Lil Nas X (or any other popular homosexual) thread to see gay men being nasty to another gay guy for no reason (and not just on datalounge but on other gay sites as well) however the newest generation of gays is much better than this BUT they tend to be get offended like VERY easily and that equally sucks

If you’re ugly and gay, you might as well be dead. I’m used to being ignored or being called nasty things because I’m ugly. I’ve learned to be ok with being invisible.

That's really some self loathing shit R59. What you described as typical I have only seen in places like West Hollywood where even straight people act that way. Get out of the gay ghetto and most gays are down to earth regular guys who are about as carefree about their looks as most straight guys. Sometimes more so. The ones I know what to hang out with all sorts of different guys in all shapes and sizes, just because we are gay not because there is some imaginary pecking order. That's the typical gay community I know.

Like hates like.

After basically living in the clubs during my college years, I opted out of it all when I was in my early twenties. I realized I had been putting up with a lot of behavior I found gross just because I felt like I had to as a gay man. The truth is that the scene, as it is traditionally understood, is toxic.

Because some gays think being mean and gay is a personality.

Meanness and cruelty stems from lack of empathy or a desire to hurt others. Well adjusted, happy people don't behave like that - a lot of gays are very damaged.

I concur r74

R74 100%. Sadly, we tend to see that portrayed in mainstream media all the time. The typical trope of the bitchy, judgy gay man. Or the gay men with their "girlfriends" dishing shit about other people.

I think the media needs to start showing more of the gay men who are NOT those things. Who go to work, who make a living, hang out with their friends and have a decent, good time.

The meltdowns I’ve witnessed, Lordy. When we gay men do a friend breakup, there are no limits. Two of my friends were being unnecessarily cruel to each other, and when one finally gained the upper hand, the other exclaimed, “you realize that the blood is on your hands!!!” I saw the rejected one some time later and he referred to the entire group as “vampires.” Was he effeminate? Yes. Was his attraction to blood imagery an extension of his relationship to women, and replication of their behavior? Was he yearning to menstruate? Why was he wearing clip on earrings, when his ears are pierced? Proceeded to ask me why I’m still single. Talked about how my brother is doing so well with his new job. Asked why I never called. It was at that moment I realized the spirit of my mother had possessed his body. He grabbed my hand, and before I knew it we were in Wegmans buying the items for deviled eggs and Ambrosia salad. He shoplifted a pack a Virginia Slims. Back at his place, he told me to sit down and produced a box of crayons and a coloring book. Before he started to boil water for the eggs, he let me know the ramifications of going outside the lines. Then he just kind of stared out the window and sipped his Coors Light. I asked why he was drinking beer, I thought he hated it. His response was, “that ain’t beer, bitch! That Coors!!!”

R6 in his natural habitat

R47, but you dumped him, right?

Rampant narcissism.

Jealousy

Devoid of empathy and empty inside . Usually bitchy femmes

Stunted maturity.

Fight back ! Punch them

R82 Why are some of you using "femmes"? In english we say woman. Femme is a french word.

I’m Referring to flaming gay men r85. The meanest queens

R85 Yup, I know ;-) but i don't get why the Anglo world took it from the French. They really don't like it. Especially since they saw the definition in English on Internet which has been completely changed from its real french definition. And now since the Trans call themselves Femmes, it's even worst.

French concepts of masculine and feminine is literal violence.

Erm...Can you explain why it's violent? R88

It gets better for gay men after school because adults treat them like human beings instead of freaks and novelties.

And then they meet other gay men and either shape up and conform physically and behaviorally or else they end up like Piggy in Lord of the Flies.

Masculine and feminine are also French words btw....Femme means woman or spouse. Nothing violent here. Homme means man, mari means husband. There is nothing violent about that.

You know how bitchy fags can be!

[quote] [R4] is exactly what the OP is talking about. Self loathing homophobes who take out their self hatred on other gays. Pathetic.

Please stop with this accusation of ‘self-loathing’ whenever someone observes realities about effeminate gay men.

Gays are "damaged" in the sense that they grow up with the outdated belief that, the moment people find out they are gay, they'll be rejected. In this society, even to this day, being gay is bad and not normal, not mainstream. And life's purpose is supposed to be liked and valued by one's peers.

Just look at the posters who turn on their own for not being masculine enough, it's all based on the belief that you have to be as straight as possible in order to be accepted by the mainstream. Their desire to be accepted by the mainstream is more important than to accept individual expression and diversity.

[quote] Please stop with this accusation of ‘self-loathing’ whenever someone observes realities about effeminate gay men.

So, why do you call one thing an accusation and the other an observation? You think effeminate gay men don't see your "observation" as an accusation?

Just because The Gays value something doesn't automatically make it valuable. You have to be smart enough to eventually figure that out.

Projection.

I had something similar happen, R7. I ran into an acquaintance and stopped to say hello. He was a very good looking, successful guy who had always been very friendly. The two younger queens with him literally looked me up and down and exchanged a look. It really made me think less of him that he kept that kind of company. After that I would just smile and nod at him, if that. Some people are just assholes, doesn't matter who they fuck. They need to feel superior to distract from their unhappiness.

A lot of it is simply bad manners.

I have no friends…

It’s just

Me, myself and I

That's all I’ve got in the end

That's what I found out

And it ain't no use in crying

I took a vow that from now on

I'm gon' be my own best friend

[quote]The two younger queens with him literally looked me up and down and exchanged a look. It really made me think less of him that he kept that kind of company. After that I would just smile and nod at him, if that.

With hindsight, and moving forward, that up-down look and eye-roll can be given right back. Pay 'em back in their own petty coin. No need to take it. Having had the last (non-verbal) word, move on.

[quote]Hurt people hurt people

That’s why you don’t vote for gay politicians—from any party. You want to end gay rights? You vote for a gay or lesbian. Of course same with voting Muslim or black, or Republican, or Democrat. Gay rights will be gone.

It's a mixture of stunted adolescence. Gays get to live out their Heathers/Mean Girls high school fantasy later in life and consider it payback for any harm that came their way during school.

Anyone who makes fun of someone else's looks is almost always insecure about their own. I've seen it in both men and women, gay and straight.

Trust me, someone making fun of a picture of Matt Bomer or Sharon Stone doesn't look anything close to as good as those two. But you can bet they wish they did. In reality, they might have a nose that's too big, some extra weight, or maybe eyes that are too close or too far apart. Sometimes, especially in the gay world, it's not a good thing to be attractive. You end up attracting all sorts of assholes who'll hate you simply because you were born with better genetics than them. I've seen it happen with some very sweet people who just happen to be attractive.

When I came out, I thought I'd find solace in the gay community, but after my first trip to a gay bar, I was too terrified to ever set foot in one again. I was and am not an unattractive person, but when I can feel judgement in the air, I turn into a wallflower. I could tell from the stares I was getting that I didn't belong there and I wasn't going to find happiness in this so-called "gay community." All I could hear were cackles as they tore people apart based on what they were wearing, who they were with, or how much weight they had gained.

Since then, I've managed to find a few gay folks who are kind and compassionate and interested in more than the usual gay stereotypes. They're rare, so if you find one, hold on to them.

R103, we see that every single day here on Datalounge. People tearing famous people to shreds over their looks. Meanwhile the Dataloungers are almost certainly short, fat, bald, old, ugly, queeny, and unfuckable.

Let's not forget the "who came out? He's a NOBODY!" from the closet cases who use any excuse to stay in the closet (including blaming the femme Gays for making being openly gay so embarrassing).

Be the change you want to see in others.

Come on guys, let's all Do Better!

True R107. Can't complain about other's behavior unless you refuse to engage in it yourself. I find it hard to believe that every gay man is sooo mean except for the ones posting about how mean gay men are. Chances are, you're one of the mean ones.

[quote] "Yesterday, I was walking home via 13th Street when two gay guys who were approaching looked me up and down, and one turned to the other and literally rolled his eyes."

Fuck that trash, R7. There will come a time when one or both of those queens will be in a similar (or worse) position. Perhaps then they'll reflect on their own actions, and nasty attitudes.

Good luck with getting back in shape. I've been walking an extra five miles after work everyday (after walking at work all day). I'm getting as much in now as I can, while the weather is still nice. I won't feel as motivated once the weather turns cold.

Avoid the crazy.

R7- Your story reminds me of one. My father and I would go to Washington D.C. every December to spend two days at the Museums. I'm from New York too. We always stayed at a hotel in Dupont Circle. There was a building with retail stores that was being rehabbed the year before. The next year it was completed and new tenants were renting the space. One was a Cafe/Bakery. I walked in to check out the pastries and three queens were standing there and one of them looks me up and down. I quickly walked out. I went in there to look over the merchandise I did NOT know I was going to be looked over like merchandise.

R58- He reminds me of that character on GIRLS- Elijah- who was BITCHY , SCENEY and QUEENY.

On a side note...

Don't always assume the guys looking you up and down are dissing you. Some might actually be interested in you and not realize how they are coming across.

What's up with all these snowflakes who can't stand to get the once-over look? Did the pandemic turn them into pussies?

R88= Roxanne Gay

Queerty

Most people are cruel to each other. What’s new.

Older gay men were always so nice to me. Then I worked with an entirely gay staff, my managers were black and gay, and then my coworker was gay—that was the best work experience I ever had. This was in the early-to-mid 2000s. Maybe times have changed? People are cynical?

R57-R59 could use a lesson from R1. And that lesson is...

What R103 said X 1,000.

Some of the gays want to live up to their social media presence and persona and do anything for likes, both online and in real life. Many gay men think they're Bea Arthur or Dixie Carter but they're not. They're just bitchy x 10 and think they're a riot a minute being that way. If they could easily carry a laugh track with them, they'd use it.

What is it that gay men and women spend so much time overanalyzing themselves for faults while straight men do absolutely nothing to improve themselves? Don't tell me that the most violent and arguably most selfish group of people on earth don't need self improvement

"You're a sad and pathetic man. You're a homosexual and you don't want to be, but there's nothing you can do to change it. Not all the prayers to your god, not all the analysis you can buy in all the years you've go left to live. You may one day be able to know a heterosexual life if you want it desperately enough. If you pursue it with the fervor with which you annihilate. But you'll always be homosexual as well. Always Michael. Always. Until the day you die."

R74, Lol, Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think gay men need nor want the opinions from a homophobic tranny chaser like you. Well adjusted, happy people don't go around getting off on mentally disturbed women and men with lopped off body parts.

Your kind are damaged as it gets. Gay men don't even come close to what you are.

R123, straight men see at the top of the food chain. Why would they change? And, as a part of being the top dogs, they delegate to gay men and women the task of self-suppression. They don’t need to rip us to shreds; we can do that ourselves.

R125, Imagine being a tranny fucker and calling other people "damaged". 🙄 Does 74 not have any self awareness?

Apparently not, R127. You never know which is more deluded and unstable between the chaser and the trans, but I guess it doesn't really matter since they're both living in make-believe land.

[quote]OP: It’s appalling the amount of degradation and exploitation that goes on in the gay world . A lot of envy too

Well, OP, since no one has any use for you your spared the first two, and you're undoubtedly unlikely to stir the last in anyone who knows you.

So you're safe from all those nasty mean old gays who would piss gasoline on you and toss a match. Lucky you're such a dull, worthless, homophobic, DL trollette.

[quote]Why are gay men so cruel to each other?

We always hurt

The one we fuck.

I have never gotten the impression that UKGuy is a "tranny chaser," r125. I've always thought he leaned more towards the Rocco Steele type, i.e., large, beefy, "masculine."

R131, He gets off on FTMs, he admitted that much before here on DL. He's not even gay but always has some shit to say about gay men. He's one of the few tranny chaser trolls that lurk around here.

[quote]Meanness and cruelty stems from lack of empathy or a desire to hurt others. Well adjusted, happy people don't behave like that - a lot of gays are very damaged.

I l know a lot of straight people like that. More so than gay, just saying.

[quote]After basically living in the clubs during my college years, I opted out of it all when I was in my early twenties. I realized I had been putting up with a lot of behavior I found gross just because I felt like I had to as a gay man. The truth is that the scene, as it is traditionally understood, is toxic.

Well there's mistake Number 1. You think all gays live in clubs. Your perception is distorted if you think all gay or even most gay men are like the shallow queens you know from the clubs. Most gay men dont live in the clubs, it's a very small segment actually.

[quote]100%. Sadly, we tend to see that portrayed in mainstream media all the time. The typical trope of the bitchy, judgy gay man.

Tell that to all the old Boomer Gays who love that shitty stereotype movie Boys in the Band. They love that shit. That's all that movie is about including the remake.

LOL What kind of tailor park do you live in R77? I hope that was a joke.

Coors?

Deviled Eggs?

Ambrosia salad?

Virginia Slims - shoplifted?

^^trailer park

It’s an anti christ spirit

Straight men find worth in wielding power over others. Those who are huhgry for approval aim for the C suite, the money, the trophy wife to treat like trash. Or they have nothing worldly and beat their wives at home. Or they drink themselves into oblivion.

They have major issues, too, but they are expressed differently, not in what people think of their skin or their abs because most women will sleep with a slug if the slug has money or perceived social power. And many women are specifically attracted to men who treat them like trash

R7 your text made me sad. I despise how mean some can be, not realizing or caring that something as small as this can affect a person for years after.

R136, it’s southern Ohio. So, anything can happen. I regret that I can’t say it’s a joke.

[quote]Yesterday, I was walking home via 13th Street when two gay guys who were approaching looked me up and down, and one turned to the other and literally rolled his eyes.

Were you wearing those black socks with saddles again? Mom Jeans? Skinny Jeans? Cargo shorts down to your ankles? Chances are it was more about your poor fashion choices than your physical weight. NYC is the fashion Nazi capital of the world you know.

OP, the first terms that come to mind are entitlement, being younger and prettier (and having that reinforced on what? social media), a character flaw, latent in some of us, dominant in others, of getting an endorphin rush from putting down others who aren't 'all that', the way you are.

Hanging around vapid, self-centered older gay men and fag hags, who drill these destructive ideas into a young man until he's got no choice to back out of the slurry and discover ideas of his own i.e. kindness, understanding, and compassion will always prevail over lighting your cigarette from the burning deck of someone who's been eviscerated by the popular mean girls of the moment, just for the sake of taking someone down, instead of offering a helping hand to them.

Because in most cases, the shit you fling at others on your way up, will be flung at YOU tenfold, as you discover your former appeal that waxed for so long, slowly begins to wane. And on your way down, the sllngs, arrows, and aspersions you so brilliantly (or so YOU thought) cast out, boomerang and hit you in just the right place to weaken the self-confidence you built on sand with a house of cards. Poof! You're erased. You reached out for help and the 'friends' and 'besties' who made up your narrow and shallow life could give a flying fuck about you or your problems. They used you, and discarded you. And you suddenly are nobody anybody else really wants to have around. Pity.

[quote]R27 I’m sorry, but straight men aren’t pointlessly catty cunts like the queers on this site. It’s just true. And I say this as a gay man.

True, straight men just kill and dismember you.

Right, the odds of being killed and dismembered by a straight guys, vs. encountering a bitchy queen on this website… they’ve gotta be 6:1, something like that. My boyfriend was just killed and dismembered by a straight guy yesterday. I expect I’ll get mine sometime next week.

Straight men won't necessarily kill they'll just attack. Lots of fist fights and "rough housing" aka socially acceptable beatings.

I always tell the straight guys, whenever they’re giving me the occasional beating: as long as they sit on my face and step on it with their smelly feet in between pummeling and throttling me, it’s cool.

R46 I posted the first reply and did so for the exact reason you mentioned - when I was younger and thrust in the gay scene I quickly realized hurt them before they hurt you

Oh op, straight men are just as bitchy as gay men are op. They critique and judge women harshly like gay men judge each other. Putting someone down makes some people feel good about themselves. It's sad but whatever.

That's true, I work with a lot of straight men because it's kind of an overly saturated male field. They talk about woman like gays talk about each other. They are pretty brutal about woman with weight issues. Jokes about "big personality" and "fat chicks" is a favorite topic. Meanwhile these schlubs have pics of bombo looking porn stars all over their work spaces as if they even had a chance.

I've found straight men to be just as bitchy about other straight men. Get on an cinema or audiophile site and things can get nasty fast.

We're a fallen species.

[quote]Get on an cinema or audiophile site and things can get nasty fast.

Did you ever read any of the unmoderated rec.audio newsgroups? There were two guys there who never stopped fighting with each other, George Middius and Arnie Krueger (a.k.a. Arnold Kroofeces).

R135-I agree. For the most part The Boys In The Band (1970) was a HEADACHE.

I can admit I’m also to blame. When I encounter any guy who’s less attractive, rich, or not on my level, I judge them and give snide looks. It’s a self coping mechanism I guess to lift my self esteem. When I come upon that perfect “A” gay, I look away and pretend not to notice them.

^ Grow the fuck up.

I'm still trying to figure out R7

Do you look obviously gay? Were you checking out the guys as well?

Just trying to understand why these two guys would notice a slightly overweight man walking past them on the street, let alone judge him.

Not trying to victim-blame, but as a lifelong New Yorker, you sort of train yourself not to notice or make eye contact with other people on the street and/or if you sense someone is checking you out, to pretend you don't notice them.

As for the answer to OP's question, that's easy: Self-hatred

R125 I'm not sure where you got the impression I am a 'homophobic tranny chaser' but your entire comment/attack REEKS of pathetic, mentally deficient basement-dweller. I suspect you are circus-freak ugly and have been rejected by every type of person your entire life on sight alone, well before they ever got a whiff of your toxic, self-hating personality. I feel pity for you that you are so severely emotionally stunted that you are unable to converse with other people in anything remotely resembling a socially acceptable way. I suspect you are furious with the world but equally unable to appeal to or fit in with anyone around you even as you desperately clamour for their approval like the basic bitch you are, and always will be, as you lash out against strangers online in a sad display of your impotent rage.

So yes, like you said I will correct you - you're all kinds of wrong, there's something fundamentally wrong with you, which I suspect even you possess the shred of self-awareness to know yourself, but not the basic human decency to do anything about - it's all been sucked out of you by your shitty attitude and victim mentality.

Thanks for demonstrating the theme of the thread and allowing me the opportunity to read you for filth - I'll now enjoy putting your sad little ass on BLOCK so I don't have to diminish my IQ any further by reading any more of your insane drivel.

Unfortunately, shame and self-hatred has been a pathology of gay men since the dawn of man. It’s not a new phenomenon and will never go away.

R159, Lol, That's a lot of projection, but it's what I would expect from a tranny chaser. I don't care much for mentally unhinged homophobes. Get lost.

It seems many LGBT’s base their personalities on the rapid fire, bitchy banter they see on Drag race or Pose.

R155

Priceless.

You are why I hate us.

Try therapy.

R155 is odious.

It shows real strength to be gentle and kind. It takes guts, especially on a forum like DL, or amidst a group of mean queens.

Thankfully, I had fine role models of the men in my extended family always striving to be gentlemen. I want to be like them rather than some caricature of some old gay sea hag, so I do my best to emulate them. That certainly doesn't make me perfect, and witty retorts are still within the scope of being a gentleman, but real cruelty and a lack of humility isn't.

Follow the Golden Rule, Welcome the Stranger, and always exercise self control. Bully queens are some of the worst trolls on this forum. It's all they know I'm afraid.

^^ And I guarantee the worst of them are all effeminate. Everyone knows this is true, and it doesn’t require “self-loathing” to observe it.

[quote]old gay sea hag

hahahaha. good one.

[quote] Bully queens are some of the worst trolls on this forum. It's all they know I'm afraid.

[quote] And I guarantee the worst of them are all effeminate.

What kind lucky snowflakes you are. In the real world, us Gays have to face actual discrimination and gay bashing. But sure, suffer your "a femme gay was mean to me! Call the whaaambulance!" reality.

Hi, effeminate at R168. No one here is calling a whambulence or saying that enduring the shallow, immature bitchiness of a mean queen is comparable to physical violence. We roll our eyes at you and thank the stars we’re not in your shoes.

[quote] We roll our eyes at you and thank the stars we’re not in your shoes.

That's the most effeminate comment in this thread. And it's coming from the snowflake at r169. Congrats.

Flamers are the bane of our existence

Real masc guys, who are comfortable with who they are, don't get bothered by femme guys. Insecure, self loathing douchebags on the other hand ...

Cheers R167. R168 Bully Queen isn't a synonym for femme. I've met some some really sweet compassionate femmes. I have absolutely no problem with them. I've dated a couple, and it wasn't in their nature to be like that. That said, there is something to these mean queens modelling themselves after the worst stereotypes of miserable, maladapted, and bitchy bitter women. Some of it may be innate, but much of it is acting like a real witch.

Life gets easier when you just accept that 90% of gay men are fucked up. That still leaves the other 10% and that is enough. Don't give the cunts any importance and concentrate on the others.

Might mean less gay men in your life but worth it.

r173, it goes back to a previous comment in this thread:

[quote] in life, it helps a lot when you have a) a thick skin, b) a good sense of humor, and c) don't take yourself so seriously.

All these "observations" of mean, mostly femme, queens. I just can't help feeling like it's just another "this is why they hate us!" rant from self loathing losers who want to be accepted by the straights, but believe that those mean queens make that impossible. And also those tedious "Oh, I so desperately want to fit in with the Gay Community, but those mean, mostly femme, queens make it impossible for me to find my place within the diverse group that is the Gay Community! It's those darn mean, mostly femme, queens' fault!". If you can't find a group of like-minded gays in your area, only mean, mostly femme, queens, then maybe, just maybe, that's on you?

And, if all you "observe" is what's wrong with things, don't be surprised that all you see is wrong things making your life more miserable than before.

R175 I think much differently on the matter. I think bully queens will find their level easily with other cruel damaged straight people. Like attracts like, regardless of orientation.

I don't need to seek out, or look for femme gay hlokes specifically for friends, or socialising. My group mainly consists of straight blokes, lesbians, and some bisexuals who genuinely enjoy being nice people. They have good governors on their lils, even when the going gets tough. See, self respect is part of self control as well. These friends, and I don't want to he reduced to one of these "acts". It's a defence mechanism used by very weak and insecure individuals. It's not really a gay or straight thing.

It takes more than a bit of a willingness to be vulnerable in being kind, or defending the underdog, or behaviour not sanctioned by "the group". Some of these bully queesns know they've gone too far at times, as do straight blokes and straight women, but they keep up the act, as it were. There's no humility, or self awareness. I agree with the posters upthread who reference or attribute much of it to narcissism as welk, an utter lack of empathy. I don't find people like this cool, rather I think they're all massive cunts...straight or gay.

^ meant governors on their lips... apologies for the typos

Ironically, cruelty is one of the side effects of both PrEP and AIDS.

LOL ^^

r176, why do you care about a topic like toxic "bully queens" people if your life is so blissfully toxic free (humble brag much?)?

R180 I don't "care so much" actually, I'm just making an opinion post on an anonymous gay forum, about a subset of gay people. I aboid people at all costs like this in my life.

I don't t come to DL for these types either. I like the threads about film, sport, cooking, celebritiy BS, and stupid mindless threads about superficial topics like everyday stuff.

I like to read what other gay people are thinking because I don't spend much time exclusively with gay people, other than my partner. I come here despite the Cruella de Ville types.

^ I should add I thoroughly enjoy music threads, Tasteful Friends, 70s threads, and sexy bloke threads as well. There's still some wit and wisdom betwixt the snark and cuntiness. IT's been greatly diminished over the past few years however.

R87 Because modern English language is heavily influenced by the French due to the Norman conquest of England that established French as the official language of the court at the time. Over centuries, English went on to borrow tons of words and even follow certain grammatical conventions from the French.

"Old Gay Sea Hag" wins Datalounge today

[quote] I walked in to check out the pastries and three queens were standing there and one of them looks me up and down. I quickly walked out.

The best thing to do is to ignore these types. They're not worth a reaction.

Just say, 'Fuck off, Ugly" and go back to the pastries. it's not like you two are going to be friends and laugh about this later. Set 'em straight.

Sometimes I think the nastiness is automatic, a quick reflex action. I'm not sure why. (to look funny, cool?) I remember a few years ago at Pride event an example of this. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon, there was a band playing and the atmosphere was really friendly, every kind of gay, straight, lesbian, Drag, straight person was enjoying the vibe, kids running around playing etc. Everyone was sort of singing, cheering along with the band. Standing near me was a young queen, about 20/21 with his equally young gal pal. High on the community spirit I smiled at him and nodded hello. He turned his head away sharply and rolled his eyes and made like to vomit. I thought his fag hag was going to die from laughing.

Of course in his mind he's young and FABULOUS and I'm old and washed up (I was about 45 then. In the Gay universe, Young= cool. Old= get out of the way) And in my mind the guy was as interesting and as sexy as a squeaky toy. Anyway, I thought it was a cheap and shitty "joke."

R159 He was wrong, and you sure as hell corrected the shit outta him LOL! Its not like he didnt ask for it neither;

[quote] correct me if I'm wrong

Dunno where the fuck he got the idea you're a tranny chaser let alone homophobic, aint seen none of that in your posts

R166 Plenty of effeminate guys arnt mean, they been on the receiving end of a heap of that shit and they have the decency not to pass it on. I've met plenty that werent mean (and to be honest, a few that were) and have dealt with "masc" guys that were meaner than a cut snake

Case in point of a guy I cant imagine ever being mean; Nicolas Fairford, and there's no denying that he is a little bit fem

Look people who say that Gays aren’t bitchy I give you Datalounge, exhibit A

The amount of time we spend talking about some hot straight guy who no one has heard of , but then denigrate anyone who actually comes out and then judge them is insane. If they get older , they are the worst.

That said we are confronted by the two things we are, Gay and Men. Men and looks go hand in hand. Gays and bitchiness go hand in hand . Put them together you have a group that does not give a flying fuck about your inner thoughts and everything about looks.

Now that makes me sound as though I am judging I am not. To me it is fact. That is the world we are in and to pretend it is not and that really we should look for inner beauty are not facts.

That makes me seem I hate being Gay. I am not .I love being Gay. If it was a choice I would choose it. Men are divine and I love that I am who I am.

But this whole toxic Masculinity is a crock of shit tbh. Do you want to sleep with the brave man who wears a dress to the Emmys or the Fire truck driver. If you say the former, most of you are lying.

As a community with focus so much on coming out and youth and not enough on getting older and self esteem. We blame Straights but we live live in the best time to be a Gay man, there is only so much you can blame.

We need to call out bullying in our community and that starts here. Being Gay is amazing and wonderful. There are downsides, but if I as not me I would be jealous of me. Gay is perfection.

Interesting post R189. Can't say I agree that meanness and superficiality shouldn't be judged and criticized but at least you're honest...Just don't act hurt or expect sympathy when you get old and unwanted.

Why are women more homophobic than men?

That is it r1. I’m starting to lash out now because I’ve been so nice on this board and treated like shit for so long that I cannot be nice anymore. I mean people on this board now call me “it.” It’s so dehumanizing and hurtful. So I’m thru being nice and I’m just gonna be a monster cunt now.

[quote] Gay men can be vicious to one another. I don't think it's just a trolling question, and I think dismissing it that way is a convenient way to avoid talking about reality.

[quote]Most women are vicious to other women, and gay men together can be similar.

On Datalounge, it is absolutely a trolling question. Everyone should have realized by now that DL is basically a troll board with a few real people scattered around.

In the real world, the truth is that there are a lot of people who are vicious to others, and it's not a "gay" problem or a "women" problem, and a huge long essay that basically says "gays act like women and women are mean and awful" is preposterous on multiple levels.

Especially when that essay is posted on Datalounge, is written in a way that's specifically designed to start a fight, and results in people responding with

1. I ❤ you!!!!

2. Gays are damaged, stunted and awful, especially the queeny femmes.

3. You're just a homophobic tranny chaser.

Any actual, real, non-troll person who sees ANY of this shit and doesn't recognize it as a massive amount of trolling needs to spend a little time learning what trolling is. On DL, a lot of trolling is simply meant to make you feel bad about yourself.

'So I’m thru being nice and I’m just gonna be a monster cunt now.'

If people refer to you as 'it' and if the truth be told I've never come across anyone referred to by that moniker it sounds like you've been a monster cunt for a while.

And look at straight male politicians. Gay men have nothing on them for being vicious nasty pieces of shit. Even a few of the Democrats.

Yet another homophobic thread. Surprise, Surprise!

People in general are cruel to each other, not exclusively gay men.

There are many kind people in the world

sometimes:

Even people at the bottom of the social ladder squabble among themselves for the scraps

I like a bit of a belly on a guy. It shows that he knows life is a banquet!

It seems difficult to find gay men to even just be friends with. Like there’s always this need to base friendships on how much you’d have sex with that person. I know local groups of gay men who hang out for holidays, travel together, etc., and what’s common amongst them is they’ve all slept with each other in some combination or other. Anyone in the group who hasn’t “partied” with any of the others is usually there because they’re in an open relationship and their partner has fucked everyone in the group. Luckily, I’m partnered, but any invitations to hang out with other couples usually comes with some ulterior motive around one of them having sex with my partner. At least this has been my experience. I’m sure someone will tell me I’m full of shit and must be fat and ugly.

R199- No , it shows that he's a FAT WHORE.

[quote][R125] I'm not sure where you got the impression I am a 'homophobic tranny chaser' but your entire comment/attack REEKS of pathetic, mentally deficient basement-dweller. I suspect you are circus-freak ugly and have been rejected by every type of person your entire life on sight alone, well before they ever got a whiff of your toxic, self-hating personality.

This is exactly what this thread is talking about. It is so easy to get under each other's skin here because we're all so vulnerable and weak.

R193- You seem to have forgotten that one of the tag lines here on datalounge is POINTLESS BITCHERY since 1995.

[quote]What is it that gay men and women spend so much time overanalyzing themselves for faults while straight men do absolutely nothing to improve themselves?

Who cares? We're not straight men. Are we better or not? The lack of self-responsibility is amazing to me, especially under the guise of DL's go to rationale: But (your comparison goes here) is worse! Well, yeah.

Somebody had the best insight upthread: bad manners. We've all got our damage to deal with, that's a product of living. And I think gay people get a little extra to process, for sure. But in the end we choose. Somebody upthread chose to respond to harsh criticism, by a stranger, who knows nothing about them, with a reply like 'I suspect you are circus-freak ugly and have been rejected by every type of person your entire life.' What did that really accomplish? But it is typical of DL. The wounds this place exposes and what it says about us as individuals is pretty grim.

But, sometimes there's still a funny or intelligent thread.

R194 uh huh. According to you, i’m called “it” because I deserve it. Nobody deserves to be dehumanized like that.

Dejure - if your self-worth depends on what people on an anonymous board say about you, then seek help for that. Or seek real-life friends. No one should give a shit what a bunch of anonymous people say about them.

I think there's a middle ground on ^. You can land a punch on an anonymous message board to and the issue is less how it is received than why do you have to land it to begin with? It is just an anonymous board. And I say this as an intolerant cunt.

Feelin’ bitchy.

R206 Fuck you, darling.

Nice, Dejure. Again, get help. You come here looking for validation for your beliefs and don’t get it, and then bitch that people don’t have the same beliefs or support you. You’re a toxic person. I’m going to put you on ignore, now. Enjoy your pity party

R210 no I just want to be treated with respect and dignity and not called names like “Nazi” and “deplorable” and “it”. You all are entitled to your beliefs and I think half of the people who judge me for mine don’t even understand what they are and make incorrect assumptions.

The desire to perform fellatio releases a chemical to one's brain that causes intense aggression toward whoever is nearby.

How about to bi and gay who don’t want perform fellatio, only receive it?

Well, that's just rude.

Naw

[quote]I just want to be treated with respect and dignity

r211 Dejure, you are never going to achieve this goal without going anonymous. You alienated too many people with your 2015 Bump Bitch nonsense, even after we asked you to stop—IDK, maybe hundreds of times. Add to that your DeSantis adoration, your anti-vax stance, your homophobia, etc., and it's plain to anyone that you will never attain the respect and dignity you think you deserve.

R216 well then I should just start bumping again. I did what you all wanted and stopped and it got me nothing.

Here's my advice. Stop authenticating. We all get on each other's nerves. We all piss each other off. We all cunt each other mercilessly - from time to time - we don't get targeted because we don't know who one another are. So the occasional claw is much easier to live with.

But when you stick your name on the ass end of it you're saying aim here.

I loathe - deeply - almost every authenticated poster here, sometimes just because they're pompous or really stupid but mostly for the vast ego/insecurity they demonstrate by having to ensure their remarks can be attributed to them - on DL of all places. It used to be quite witty and creative, now, regrettably but most frequently, it's a for profit mental hospital in a really bad part of town. Authentication is not for accountability, it is for credit, to feed neediness and it is unseemly.

Let the strength of your ideas carry your comments and take what pleasure you derive from participating. Find value in your feelings about your own contributions. Don't wait for us. We're mostly mean fuckers, at best, and that's before get to the insane and the stupid. But don't make the board witness you because all you're going to get is the crap you've been moaning about. So that's my advice and advice is like a gift: you can take it, or you can throw it away (thank you Cecil Colby.)

R218 I’ll consider it, but also I want to be genuinely loved for who I am.

R219, is a borderline!!

R219 If you truly want to be loved for who you are, you are absolutely in the wrong place.

Especially since you consistently go out of your way to state opinions that are clearly meant to offend and denigrate the very people you wish to be accepted by. Authenticating yourself so as to have an identity of endearment is having the exact opposite effect.

Why not?

Women are also like that. We just emulate it from them.

Not really r223 unless real housewives is your reference

R220 wasn’t Alex Forrest borderline? She’s always been one of my favorite film characters.

R225, the bunny broiler

What reason would gay men have to emulate women?

Gay men are like menstruating women...on testosterone. A volatile combination.

I'm constantly bullied by other gay men. It's so exhausting.

I think you find yourself a group of gay men that do not act the way you described. There's no need to be cruel and put other people down. Not even on here, which is a forum of bitches, really, and I say that with love.

Find guys that share your values , your hobbies - i'm sure you will meet a nice man to take home to Mother.

Also, we've all been there, dude. All of US have been rejected.

Bump

Emotionally immaturity + insecurity + multiple past trauma

It's sad to say, but far too many gay men are just miserable people. They live in a perpetual state of what we of my era used to call "queer envy". They hate anyone they come into contact with (especially other gays) who they feel has it better or easier than they have it. I guess for most of them they grew up being mistreated and never learned how to reconcile it and learn to become better than those who mistreated them, and it got to the point that being miserable is all they know. And for most miserable people one of the few things that gives them joy to try to make as many around them as miserable as they are because as we know misery loves company.

It's a defense mechanism, for sure.

R233 how heartbreaking.

I’m not treated particularly well on this site but I do try to be compassionate when hatred is hurled at me. That hatred comes from a place of trauma. Stupidity, on the other hand, I have no patience for.

[quote] Women [bold]on soap operas and melodramas[/bold] are also like that. We just emulate it from them.

FIFY

Life gets easier when you just accept the face that 90% of gay men are fucked up, one way or another. Stick to the top 10% and find the good ones (they are indeed out there). Same goes for women, sad to say, at least in America.

R235 I have noticed it De facto, I have never understood why this rage and hatred towards you. Some people asked the haters on a thread and they had no reasonable explanation. I think lots of your haters are some looney women that come to moderate on DL and teach gay men manners, but there are definitely some gay men too.

As much of a cliche as it sounds, unhappy people lash out at others who they think are better adjusted or have more going for them. I don't think it's just a gay community thing. You see it with straight men and women as well. They were probably made to feel less than in the past and never got over it, so they want everyone to hurt the way they do. I think it just seems like a bigger problem in the gay community because what gay among us hasn't been made to feel less than at some point. From the moment we realize we're gay, we already know there are going to be tons of people out there who will use that against us and try to say we're terrible people simply because of who we're attracted to. I don't know one gay person who doesn't have a little bit of that trauma. It's how they process it that matters.

If they process it by realizing that it's not them and the person trying to make them feel less than is the problem, they'll tend to be better adjusted.

Some of you have never had to assemble a logical argument in your life and it shows.

R227 Hormone levels which is the reason for most behavioral patterns…..

For gay men other gay men are both the object of desire as well as the competition…..

A lot of self loathing. They praise straight men who hate them but ridicule the fem gay guy all day long.

Bump