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Have you ever been turned off because someone was “too gay”?

Some people think this is problematic but has someone being *obviously* gay ever turned you off?

by Anonymousreply 79September 16, 2021 6:56 PM

Charles Nelson Reilly

by Anonymousreply 1September 13, 2021 10:33 PM

I would never have been turned on in the first place if someone opens their mouth and a purse falls out. I'm gay, thus the "being into men and not women" thing.

by Anonymousreply 2September 13, 2021 10:35 PM

The same way I'm turned off by bad theater

by Anonymousreply 3September 13, 2021 10:35 PM

It’s why I stopped masturbating.

by Anonymousreply 4September 13, 2021 10:37 PM

I was set up on a date with someone once. After the date the friend who set us up asked if we would be going out again. And when I said no, he said," It's the voice isn't it?"

It was.

by Anonymousreply 5September 13, 2021 10:40 PM

I haven't been turned off by a voice, but I have been turned off by the personality type who walks into any place and thinks they're the life of the party. Always loud and a bit entitled. It's like they're always drunk or on coke or something. They think they're blazingly funny and think they're on Drag Race, but they're usually either just recycling old jokes from drag queens or saying horrible things just to shock and don't have the timing of a Joan Rivers to pull it off.

by Anonymousreply 6September 13, 2021 10:43 PM

Oh, I love a slender young man who teases and bats those big blue eyes.

by Anonymousreply 7September 13, 2021 10:47 PM

Can’t take a real fem guy. Sorry.

by Anonymousreply 8September 13, 2021 10:49 PM

Very underrated comment, R4.

That was fucking hilarious!


by Anonymousreply 9September 13, 2021 10:53 PM

No, lol.

by Anonymousreply 10September 13, 2021 10:54 PM

Not until I read your post, OP.

by Anonymousreply 11September 13, 2021 10:56 PM

I am very much attracted to dudes based on voice. No matter what a dude looks like, or how nice he is to me, I cannot be attracted to him if he sounds effeminate or nonmasculine. This is why I like to talk on the phone to prospective dates from Dating apps. Likewise, I am never attracted to guys that carry themselves in an effeminate manner.

by Anonymousreply 12September 13, 2021 11:55 PM

Billy Porter


by Anonymousreply 13September 13, 2021 11:57 PM

OP, don't confuse/conflate being "too gay" with being "too effeminate". The pinnacle of being a gay man isn't turning into a woman.

by Anonymousreply 14September 14, 2021 12:11 AM

I've dated a couple of fem guys and had no issue with that aspect of their personality. I've only ever stopped seeing someone for being "too gay" because they centered their entire existence around being gay. Some examples:

Our first date we went to a bar to watch Queer As Folk (dating myself there).

He had a bar schedule hanging in his house so he could make sure he knew which gay bars had what specials on any given night.

Super active in the drag community.

Would look at me like I was an alien if I tried to talk about something that wasn't specifically gay related.

He was a flight attendant.

If he didn't have a big dick I don't think I would have even bothered. But it was huge and I was a size queen when I was younger.

by Anonymousreply 15September 14, 2021 12:39 AM

No, I like em like that. Gay voice turns me on

by Anonymousreply 16September 14, 2021 12:41 AM

Done a LOT of theatre. Many gays (particularly the young lads) felt like it was their duty, to be "on" (as effeminate as possible) all the time. Fucking tedious, pretty annoying at times, and unnecessary as far as I was concerned, but I guess - for them? It was about establishing an identity, in a decidedly non-judgemental environment, I guess?

by Anonymousreply 17September 14, 2021 12:55 AM

Yes. Every single one of you.

by Anonymousreply 18September 14, 2021 12:57 AM

Gay Face is even worse than Gay Voice. At least with the voice there MIGHT some moments they’re quiet. The face you’re stuck with all the time.

by Anonymousreply 19September 14, 2021 12:59 AM

Enough cologne to kill a small animal at 25 feet. And he wondered why I persistently wanted nothing to do with him.

by Anonymousreply 20September 14, 2021 1:00 AM

Every day.

by Anonymousreply 21September 14, 2021 1:00 AM

A straight woman set me up on blind date, I have no idea why she thought I'd like him. Between the sibilant s's and talking with his hands, I couldn't get out of the restaurant fast enough, When she asked how it went I told her "I like men, not screaming queens."

by Anonymousreply 22September 14, 2021 1:11 AM

R12, I feel the same about women and voices . True dyke voice is a major turn off

by Anonymousreply 23September 14, 2021 1:24 AM

Much too often.

by Anonymousreply 24September 14, 2021 1:30 AM


by Anonymousreply 25September 14, 2021 1:32 AM


by Anonymousreply 26September 14, 2021 1:34 AM

"Super active in the drag community."

Ew, red flag. It's okay for pride parades and emceeing, but not total immersion. At some point you wonder if he wants to be up there in the spotlight.

by Anonymousreply 27September 14, 2021 1:52 AM

I'm with r3. It's unbearable when it's theater, or just fake bullshit. I don't have an issue with guys being fem or "obvious" or whatever, but when they are just playing a role or being "on" all the time why would I put up with that?

by Anonymousreply 28September 14, 2021 3:45 AM

“I’m mask for mask bro. I don’t want a scene!” 🤡

by Anonymousreply 29September 14, 2021 4:29 AM

I've never been turned off by someone who was too fem but I've definitely been turned off by guys who clearly aren't comfortable being gay. For me, that's harder to be around than someone with a silly voice and flamboyant mannerisms.

by Anonymousreply 30September 14, 2021 4:35 AM

I don't think women understand.

by Anonymousreply 31September 14, 2021 4:51 AM

"obvious" isn't quite the same as "too." Yes, someone who was "too" gay has turned me off.

by Anonymousreply 32September 14, 2021 4:54 AM

Milo Y

just horrible

by Anonymousreply 33September 14, 2021 4:55 AM

R30 can you be more specific?

by Anonymousreply 34September 14, 2021 6:17 AM

Maybe it is you who is disgusting to the world of men.

by Anonymousreply 35September 14, 2021 6:42 AM

Gay guys who are full-on extroverts and talk a mile/minute are too much. But so are women like that, as well as straight men.

Some personalities are too strong for my tastes regardless of their sex or sexuality.

When I was younger, I used to single out gay guys only for this, because I was self-loathing. But then I matured.

Good luck OP.

by Anonymousreply 36September 14, 2021 6:45 AM

R23, I've been sitting here for a while, trying to imagine what a 'true dyke voice' is and am at loss. Could you elaborate or give an example, please?

by Anonymousreply 37September 14, 2021 6:55 AM

I was dating this guy, i liked him, he was hot, but he got too much for me. He carried a handbag and a woman's purse! Face full of makeup, tight leather pants....but he looked the most beautiful when he was makeup free in shorts and t shirt with wind blown hair at the beach....unfortunately that was the only time i wasn't embarrassed to be seen with him in public. Beautiful body though. Sad. I guess that's who he was though.

by Anonymousreply 38September 14, 2021 7:01 AM

Rarely have much in common with the type of femme guys who are big fans of Housewife shows and RuPaul.

Ditto guys whose life revolves around being gay. Gay bars, restaurants, social groups, circuit parties, vacation spots, etc. The only heterosexuals they know are people they're related to or work with.

by Anonymousreply 39September 14, 2021 7:09 AM

There are degrees of effeminacy.

1. Hinty. You can tell he's not straight but he's not blatant. Ex, Elton John. ACCEPTABLE. 2. Comfortable with his femininity. Doesn't make an effort to hide his gayness and people like him for it. Think Graham Norton. LOVELY. 3. Expansive. Dresses and walks like a power woman with flair and uses words straight men would never use, like "adorable!" David the HGTV decorator turned real estate person. I'D STILL DATE HIM. 4. Superfag. Borderline trans, wears skirts and women's purses and jewelry, make up and stilettos. Yes, you, Billy Porter. STAY AWAY FROM ME!

by Anonymousreply 40September 14, 2021 7:20 AM

R40 Get a better example than Elton Fucking John for the least effeminate please.

by Anonymousreply 41September 14, 2021 7:38 AM

I mean, even Matt Boemer reads effeminate.

At the very least, he’s soft. He is interchangeable in that he can be mistaken for straight by many.

There’s a pool of effeminate guys at that level who can be either straight or gay.

by Anonymousreply 42September 14, 2021 7:46 AM

And lest us not forget the muscle Mary’s.

by Anonymousreply 43September 14, 2021 7:47 AM

I used to work with a man who was in his sixties. He dressed conventionally and smartly, but he had Carol Channing hair and thick false eyelashes. His makeup looked like it was applied with a trowel. He was a lovely man and was very well though of at work. I couldn’t imagine who could go for such an extreme appearance, but he had a long term partner.

by Anonymousreply 44September 14, 2021 7:54 AM

R30, yeah really closeted and paranoid about being outed is not a winning combo for me neither. I

'll take a swishing mincing out and proud queen complete with eyeliner and nail polish over that bullshit any day

by Anonymousreply 45September 14, 2021 8:50 AM

There is no such thing as "too gay" OP. You are confusing and conflating the term "too gay" with extremely feminine gay men. Femininity and homosexuality/being gay are not linked. You are either gay or not, you are either a masculine gay man or a feminine gay man, and feminine gay men are often referred to as "too gay"; despite the fact this has NOTHING to do with being gay or homosexuality. Why are so many of you extremely low intellect not to understand that?! FFS.

by Anonymousreply 46September 14, 2021 9:23 AM

No fatties. No fems.

by Anonymousreply 47September 14, 2021 9:29 AM

R40. Lil Nas X falls into your group 4, no?

He’s too young for me, but if I was in my 20s, I’d totally date him no question.

by Anonymousreply 48September 14, 2021 10:02 AM

Yes, in the same way that I might be put off by a straight man whose every outward expression is an ignorant and proud of it heterosexual whose talk never strays from tits and beer and NASCAR and reinforcing his sense of machismo.

Or in the same way that I might be put off by anyone who is a complete living stereotype of one sort or another: the always rushing somewhere soccer mom; the comic convention nerd who can talk of nothing else and purposely dresses and acts the part; the swaggering stock broker with the inflated sense of self importance and inferiority of all others; the academic with sup on his tie and dirty eyeglasses who can't eat or drink or see anything without presenting the cultural background fo some foodway or class signaling or some mini-lecture.

People who are too very one-dimensionally one postured thing I tend to dismiss. It's not that someone is obviously gay or obviously straight or obviously a busy mom or obviously geeky and likes fantasy entertainment that's off-putting, it's when that outer shell is so thoroughly developed that you could spend an hour with the person and never get a glimpse of anything beyond what's on the surface, no self-awareness, no reflection, no interest in engaging with anything outside a cultivated exterior image.

by Anonymousreply 49September 14, 2021 10:03 AM

Boris DeJure Cinesnatch has set a record for posting 43/45 posts in this thread.

by Anonymousreply 50September 14, 2021 11:35 AM

R46 I’m really tired of people acting like they don’t understand how the English language works. I put “too gay” in quotes specifically because it’s not a real thing. Most people understand what I mean by that phrase and they have probably used if not thought it.

I will say “too effeminate” is less exact than “too gay” because I think there’s a general stereotype that gay men are effete. Gay men know there’s a difference between being masc and a Queen and I think we’ve all known one of each. The point is they’re still gay men, some just overly emphasize the gay part.

by Anonymousreply 51September 14, 2021 12:06 PM

I like femmy guys but I'm extremely turned off by gay voice. Something like the blond guy in the video. That and the extreme vapidness that some guys conflate with gay culture are turnoffs, not effeminacy.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 52September 14, 2021 12:46 PM

“Have you ever been turned off because someone was too gay?”

Every. Single. Day.

by Anonymousreply 53September 14, 2021 12:49 PM

R30 sure. I was responding to an NSA sex ad many years ago. The guy was so scared of being outed that he wanted me to put on a blindfold before he walked into my house so I wouldn't know what he looked like. That type of shit is more off-putting than being fem, imo.

by Anonymousreply 54September 14, 2021 12:57 PM

^I mean r34

by Anonymousreply 55September 14, 2021 12:58 PM

Every time this question comes up, I think of this disco queen who lived in my building 30 years ago. He was on the first floor, so everyone could hear the shitaceous music coming out of his apartment as we entered or left the building, got our mail, waited for the elevator. He dressed in the latest gay style, which at that moment was the hiking boot / sock / short / shirt optional look. He was just trashy—especially playing his music so loud—and before a year was up, he left. One imagined he was evicted.

by Anonymousreply 56September 14, 2021 1:14 PM

I don't understand men who wear makeup or who paint their nails or who want to wear dresses. I don't understand the whole "yass queen" thing or shaking your butt like a girl. It makes zero sense to me and I think it's stupid.

However, at the same time, I also have to admit that feeling that way is my own personal damage and I have no right to tell anyone else how to be gay or how they should act. Everyone needs to be gay in their own way - not my way.

I also have to admit that I'm GenX and I don't understand showy displays of any kind that bring attention to yourself - gay or otherwise. And, also, we had to walk a very fine line with our gayness when we were young in ways these Gen Z kids do not so there is a little bit of generation gap at work here.

On the flip side of that, I do love an old queen. Those boomers who went through it, survived AIDS , and live in fun apartments in the city and who have a story for everything. They're a good time and have great hearts.

by Anonymousreply 57September 14, 2021 1:25 PM

Dunno R52 -- there are far more extremes of gay voice than the blonde guy in the video. I mean he definitely has gay voice, but he's not overly dramatic or overly "It's just GHASTLY" types so it bothers me less.

by Anonymousreply 58September 14, 2021 1:47 PM

I started to watch E! Met Red Carpet yesterday. The 3 host guys were so fem, I turned it off. Like steam escaping a radiator.

by Anonymousreply 59September 14, 2021 1:54 PM

I believe this meets the criteria of “too feminine“.

I cannot stand it if a man has waxed or plucked eyebrows. That is an instant turn off.

Only poor hygiene is worse.

by Anonymousreply 60September 15, 2021 10:03 PM


by Anonymousreply 61September 15, 2021 10:04 PM

R60 Not too fussed about mannerisms, etc, if they are organic to that person and not some kind of hysterical affect. But the eyebrows, waxed, plucked, arched; no man's looks are *ever* improved by this. Ditto bleached tips, come to think of it.

by Anonymousreply 62September 15, 2021 10:18 PM

^What about anal bleaching? Too fem?

by Anonymousreply 63September 15, 2021 10:23 PM

I'm turned off by too much concern about what people think.

by Anonymousreply 64September 15, 2021 10:39 PM

What about asshole bleaching? I don’t know if that’s fem or masculine.

by Anonymousreply 65September 15, 2021 10:40 PM

R52 that guy has a bit of gay voice, but not that much. I was expecting a really gay voice (which I like myself)

by Anonymousreply 66September 15, 2021 10:45 PM

R57, you sound really nice and grounded.

And I only usually say that when I’m being snarky, which I promise I’m not now.

by Anonymousreply 67September 15, 2021 10:52 PM

Turned off? No, besides those kinds of gays are transitioning. Once a good number of gay men transition in the coming years, will gays project that hate and discomfort onto the trans?

by Anonymousreply 68September 15, 2021 11:05 PM

R57: You sound cool. 👍

by Anonymousreply 69September 15, 2021 11:09 PM

Yes. My best friend from high school. I shunned him after graduation because he was so obvious. I’d moved away for several years and later when I returned I found a note wedged into the doorframe of my apartment that he’d left asking me to contact him. He shadowed be on FB, too. Years later, I saw him at a school reunion and we exchanged greetings. He then had someone ask me why I had stopped speaking to him.

by Anonymousreply 70September 15, 2021 11:21 PM

[quote]nd, also, we had to walk a very fine line with our gayness when we were young in ways these Gen Z kids do not so there is a little bit of generation gap at work here.

Oh boo hoo, snowflake. Try growing up gay in the 1960s and 70s South without being beat up at school or being called faggot.

by Anonymousreply 71September 15, 2021 11:24 PM

As a Trans Asian I only wear eye makeup and apply tape to my temples under my wig—it pulls my eyes tight so that my eyes are more oriental looking. Other than that I’m very masculine and no one knows I’m gay. I only get mad when people ASSUME I’m Caucasian! Does this authentic silk kimono look like a Halloween costume?? 你在跟我开玩笑吗?

by Anonymousreply 72September 15, 2021 11:26 PM

[quote]Oh boo hoo, snowflake. Try growing up gay in the 1960s and 70s South without being beat up at school or being called faggot.

I was called f-ggot by a bunch of Arab guys recently, if that counts.

by Anonymousreply 73September 15, 2021 11:27 PM

R70 ...

[quote]He then had someone ask me why I had stopped speaking to him.

What happened?

And, do you not still want to be friends with him?

by Anonymousreply 74September 15, 2021 11:28 PM

A saw a gay once

by Anonymousreply 75September 15, 2021 11:34 PM

[quote]I was called f-ggot by a bunch of Arab guys recently, if that counts.

It doesn't.

by Anonymousreply 76September 16, 2021 2:28 AM


by Anonymousreply 77September 16, 2021 2:29 AM

Anti-Gay thread on an alleged Gay site.

by Anonymousreply 78September 16, 2021 6:47 PM

New around here, R78?

by Anonymousreply 79September 16, 2021 6:56 PM
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