I didn’t know Tan France was a DataLounger

When I was young, my focus wasn’t on my queerness. It was more on being south Asian. I was raised in a small town in South Yorkshire. On the way to and from school, you just didn’t know if you were going to get attacked. But I had the sanctuary of my extended family, so many incredibly kind, supportive and happy aunts, uncles and cousins. So there was a weird mix of sorrow and great joy.

I recently went on a babymoon to Iceland. I’m sure it’s the same for every parent: I worry how to raise them without them becoming little shits. We don’t know what colour our child is going to be. I’m hoping brown, but when you have a mixed-race child, who knows? [Tan and his husband have now become parents using a surrogate mother.]

I’ve been going grey since I was 12. People assume I’m older than I am, which is frustrating. I still feel 21, but when I get out of bed, my knees creak and I think: “How am I nearly 40?”

Gay men who take their husbands last name are total bottoms, right?

Kweeniest statement ever: All men should brush their eyebrows. It takes me 20 seconds maximum to make them look good. Then I just tweak my eyelashes with a curler.

He doesn't look a day over 42

She is genuinely hard to look at.

He's not 57?

Doesn’t wear makeup and does her own hair. So butch!

That's quite a nose.

He could certainly eat an apple right through a picket fence.

"babymoon"?

This is why they hate us!

I only know him from Next in Fashion, but I really liked him on that.

The real question is: why does he style his hair to look like Johnny Bravo's?

Lol R11

Something about his face always makes me think he's channeling Meryl in The Devil Wears Prada. Maybe it's the little pursed lips.

Do I dare ask what a babymoon is?

It's his last chance to frolic in a thong, match his sunglasses to nonalcoholic fruity drinks, and take poolside thigh-gap selfies before the baby arrives and cramps his style. If he's lucky, Rob will give him an eternity ring.