Let's Be Designing Women!

I'm Reggie MacDawson who stole Suzzanne's money and pretended to have bought her a circus when she finally caught up with me at my dual job of hotel bellhop and piano player.

I'm Julia's dining room. I wasn't seen until late in the show's run for only one episode.

I'm the always wonderful Jean Smart, and people forget that I was only in 2 more episodes (120) than Delta Burke (118).

Annie Potts was, like Dixie Carter, in all 163 episodes. But then, it wasn't like she has anywhere else to be, had she?

Bless her heart.

I'm Suzanne's housekeeper, Consuela, and I'm invisible.

Even the pig got screen time.

I'm Mary Jo's dumb kids, Claudine and Lurk.

I'm Julia's smelly floor mop.

I'm the guy who owns the news stand trying to make an honest living. I've got three kids, a mortgage, and a wife who's battling cancer. Some crazy broad keeps running her car into my stand and now I'm going bankrupt!😢

I'm Charlene's milk.

I'm Marjorie Leigh Winnick, the current Miss Georgia World.

I--and my children--know about the night the lights went out in Georgia.

I’m the exterior shots of Sugarbaker’s, Mary Jo’s house, Suzanne's house, and Charlene’s apartment building… all of which were actually filmed almost 600 miles west of Atlanta in Little Rock, Arkansas.

I'm a letter from Dash Goff, the writer:

[quote]Yesterday, in my mind's eye, I saw four women standing on a veranda in white, gauzy dresses and straw-colored hats. They were having a conversation. And it was hot. Their hankies tucked in cleavages where eternal trickles of perspiration run from the female breastbone to exotic vacation spots that southern men often dream about. They were sweet-smelling, coy, cunning, voluptuous, voracious, delicious, pernicious, vexing and sexing... these earth sister/rebel mothers... these arousers and carousers. And I was filled with a longing to join them. But like a whim of Scarlett's, they turned suddenly and went inside, shutting me out with a bolt of a latch. And I was left only to pick up an abandoned handkerchief and savor the perfumed shadows of these women... these southern women. This Suzanne. This Julia. This Mary Jo and Charlene. Thanks for the comfort, Dash Goff... the writer.

I'm Allison's big desk.

I’m Cindy Birdsong.

I'm the band new 1989 van.

I'm Bernice's Christmas tree skirt.

I’m square fish, Phyllis

I'm Behind Closed Doors

I'm Georgia Tent and Awning.

I'm the aborted baby for Mary Jo storyline.

R6 stank, and I won't stand for it any longer.

I’m inside Julia between scenes.

I’m the crap that Primmie is full of

I'm Pixie Clifton

I'm the lone Emmy Award....for Hairstyling.

I’m the African orphan who, in the delirium of starvation, only dreamed of a heifer as beautifully obese as Delta Burke.

I'm Li Sing.

I'm the Snickers bar Delta and Linda Bloodworth Thomason fought over.

I’m Eugenia Weeks. And I sprayed glue on Suzanne’s butt.

I'm Tony and Cassandra Hall and I haven't stopped fucking since 1989.

I’m the “Abbott Banister” at the governor’s mansion, decorated with silk magnolia blossoms. Julia put her head in me and got stuck.

I'm the dress tucked into Julia's pantyhose.

I’m Clayton Sugarbaker, Julia and Suzanne’s alcoholic half- brother. I showed up for one episode and was never seen nor heard from again. Maybe I moved to Japan and died, like Perky Sugarbaker (Julia and Suzanne’s mom).

I'm the big old drag queen proving to Suzanne that I am a man

I'm Valdosta Feed and Grain.

I'm Gizelle, and I'm at hit at the local lounge!

I'm Ann Blythe.

I'm a tawdry newspaper stand that Julia hates. I get destroyed twice.

I'm the big ole box of June Allyson bladder pads on Julia's nightstand.

Don, Ray Don Simpson, trying to buy the ladies a drink.

There's no need for introductions, Ray Don, we know who you are.

You're the guy who's always wherever women gather or try to be alone. You want to eat with us when we're dining in hotels. You want to know if the book we're reading is any good, or if you can keep us company on the plane. I want to thank you, Ray Don, on behalf of all the women in the world for your unfailing attention and concern. But read my lips and remember, as hard as it is to believe, sometimes we like talking just to each other, and sometimes we like just being alone.

I'm Daddy Jones!

I'm HAPPY ANNIVERSARY LOIS AND SHIMMY!

R40 Thank you!

I'm Roberta Harwood and they'll never catch me!

I'm a baby wig.

We are the songs that the bitch Dixie Carter insisted on being allowed to sing every time LBT wrote a speech about liberal ideas for Julia to deliver in an episode. We hated being sung by Dixie who wasn't as talented a singer as she thought herself to be.

I'm VAN-essa, the Tina Turner girlfriend Anthony had for a while. I disappeared from the show without any explanation. They didn't want to state the obvious. Anthony didn't want a girlfriend, he wanted a gurrrllllfren as his fag hag.

I’m Tony Goldwyn. I’m somehow even hotter 30-plus years from now.

We're the very heterosexual male decorators of Atlanta who try too hard to prove that we are STRAIGHT! We love basketball and big titted women. Did we mention we are straight?

I'm all the recycled Golden Girls scripts.

I am the movie "Steel Magnolias" that the four lazy bitches were on their way to watch when the dumb hillbilly hick went into labor.

I'm Charlene's childhood best friend Monette, and I'm a member of the world's oldest profession.

I'm Kim Zimmer, desperately trying to use this piece of crap series to jump-start a prime time career. I'm cumming, bud!

We are four white women, one of whom is pregnant, but hey, we are the Supremes!

I'm Randa Oliver. I am here to let everyone know that Julia touched me inappropriately. The world needs to know. #metoo

I’m Kyle Westheimer's parents, still dealing with the fact that Suzanne outed our son as being, in fact, a bisexual. Good news is, he’s still “traveling for work”- 30 years later……..

I'm the restaurant business, which is riddled with homosexuality.

Miss Sugarbaker, I am your waiter Ian. I am not a homosekshull. To prove it, I am going to let you know that I had previously jacked off in the salad you just ate, thinking about your tits. Would you now like some of Mrs Stillfield's freshly expressed milk for dessert?

We are Miss Maine and Miss Vermont. We are not dogs but that old has-been former Miss Georgia is definitely a bitch.

I am Miss Mississippi. I'm never ugly.

I have a name, R4.... (And your family is even part of my backstory.)

I am Noel, Suzanne's pet pig. So named because I arrived at Christmas.

This website will provide much diversion for some of you.

I'm the pretty good Eggs Benedict from The Pink Giraffe.

I'm Douglas Barr as Charlene's man, Bill, and I'm adorable.

I'm WOMEN OF THE HOUSE, the forgotten and unloved 1990s spinoff with Delta and DL fave Patricia Heaton. And Teri Garr!

I was on Lifetime.

I’m one of the Rowdy Girls!

I'm the numerous, crumpled, grease-stained paper bags that held Delta's triple cheeseburger snacks.

I'm the Wig Mistress, and they don't pay me enough.

I'm OHCHUCK, OHCHUCK, OHCHUCK, OHCHUCK ... !

IIRC, WOMEN OF THE HOUSE premiered on regular network TV but only lasted a few episodes; then, Lifetime aired them all as a marathon or something.

I'm "Aint No Mountain High Enough" a Diana Ross song never sung by the Supremes, used to hammer home the point of the episode.

I'm Mr. Donnie, the hairdresser-aesthetician who gave Anthony cornrows and wanted to inject him with collagen.

R64 R69 you can catch all episodes of WOMEN OF THE HOUSE on Pluto.TV on demand.

But what a chore it is to watch.

It sure is, R72. I did power through them a year or so ago, and . . . yikes. Even worse than I'd remembered.

I am Imogene and I am the most rancid bitch cunt to walk the face of this earth.

I'm the jokes.

I don't exist.

I'm the many episodes where the ladies take a vacation from work by vacationing with their coworkers (as we all do) and bring along their male counterparts. This allows for a battle of the sexes, in which each character/actor gets to spout off something they hate about the other gender, usually by shouting, "You know what I don't get?" and ending their turn at a tirade with audience applause and an insufferable held pose.

I am Miss Valdosta Feed and Grain, and you cannot trust me.

I’m Atlanta… “The World’s Next Great City”.

how bout this?

That captures them perfectly, R79.

[quote]I am Miss Valdosta Feed and Grain

I am Miss Feed [italic]or[/italic] Miss Grain.

I'm the jealousy at all the awards and praise lavished on The Golden Girls.

I'm Shannon, the Julia-but-25-years-younger co-worker of Reese whose attraction to the elderly Hal Holbrook was so believable.

I'm the cunty statement issued by Linda Bloodworth-Thomason after Julia Duffy left.

I'm Female (Fuh-MAH-Lee), daughter of Nub and granddaughter of Daddy Jones. Pity me.

I'm show's one Emmy, stolen from Knots Landing.

I’m Little Latin Lupe

I'm the multiple towels covering Delta during her sauna scene with her lesbian friend.

I’m the National Enquirer

I'm Scott Bakula as Ted, Mary Jo's crummy ex-husband.

Douglas Barr may have been cuter as Bill but I was much sexier. Much.

I'm the porn stand episode where Julia was at her cuntiest.

I'm the Jellies of the World.

I'm Anthony's grandmother. I raised him after his deadbeat dad abandoned my daughter. WTF kind of country ass name is Dondi though? Don't black grandmas get called Granny or Grandma or Nana?

I'm MAME episode, obviously written at Dixie Carter's behest.

MAMED, R94. 😆

I'm the door to the storeroom/office/kitchen/dining room/garage/basement/attic/greenhouse.

I'm the door to the storeroom/office/kitchen/dining room/garage/basement/attic/greenhouse.

I'm the two seconds spent considering how an interior design firm's offices should be decorated by the production team.

I'm the gorgeous, confident and sleek Suzanne Sugarbaker, a former Miss Georgia. If I had been born black I would have been the first black Miss America. 'Cause, you know, that Vanessa Williams doesn't count.

I am Miss Helen Van Patterson Patton.

I am "I cannot believe you just said that!".

The writer's (yes, one) go-to when they can't think of a witty retort and/or want to signal how edgy they think their show is.

R101, have you all just com-puh-LETE-ly lost your maahnds?

I'm the fur coat that Suzanne can't take off. I now smell like Ashton and Mila's unwashed nether regions.

I'm the unanswered telephone in the office, as everyone must decamp elsewhere so the characters can toss lines off each other.

I'm the big pillows on the sofa Dixie Carter often nestles slightly behind in order to hide her weight.

I'm the line "Mary Jo [or Julia], I can't believe you said that." I will be uttered at least once in every episode by Charlene.

I'm killing all the right people.

I'm the eight finest breasts in Atlanta.

I'm the song Dixie Carter demanded be written in after she had to give a left-wing speech.

I am R106 and R109 and I will NOT read a thread before I post!

I am Baby Jane. Anthony stupidly compares himself to me when he is bedridden at Suzanne's house.

I am -- in the spirit of R106 and R109 -- the joke about lawn jockeys, repeated several times.

I am the carousel horse Suzanne rides on while being photographed for the "Women of Atlanta" issue of some rag.

I'm Jackee Harry. I did not get along with Dixie as I've mentioned on Twitter.

I’m Obnoxious Personality Disorder. I sound like a lame sitcom throwaway joke but will be treated as an actual affliction and referenced repeatedly

R115, I remember watching season six and being confused by how they kept bringing that up. Funny for a single line in the opener, repeated like it's an actual thing in every episode, not so much...

I'm Jimmy and Roslyn Carter.

I'm a GenXer raised on Julia Sugarbaker's righteous indignation, its the primary reason I cannot abide SJWs...

I'm Leisure Land.

I'm the name Payne. According to Suzanne I'm a homosekshull name even though her grandfather had the same name.

I am one of the corniest episodes ever made.

This episode is the MARY!est episode of any series!

I suspect "OPD" was a way to address Delta

I'm the oven mitts Julia wore to check if that homeless guy had a birthmark on his ass.

I'm their smug, condescending and possibly racist mother Perky.

I am

Consuela Consuela Bo Bela

Fi Fi Mo Mela

Con-su-ela!

I’m thousand island dressing.

R84 Wait, what was it? I never read that

I'm Noelle. Take me to Chick-Fil-A, bitch. Momma needs a chick'n biscuit.

I'm Black Man.

Where do you THINK I come from?

R84 Wow, interesting read

I'm the Christmas tree skirt. Put me down, ya old ninny.

The men should have to kill the bugs!

Excuse me. Excuse me!

"Name me one homely Miss Mississppi"

I'm Carlene. I am the result of amnesia and lazy writing. Charlene was supposed to have only three sisters: Marlene, Harlene and Darlene. I didn't even exist until the writers took the H out of Charlene's name and came up with a cheap derivative character.

I'm R131 and I'm too self absorbed to even read to R15.

I'm Maryjo's falsies. I'm POWER, BABY!

I'm Anthony's bullet wound.

I am the church choir where Julia sings How Great Thou Art and hits the high note for Charlene.

I'm the Lincoln Bedroom that B.J. undoubtedly got to stay in during Bill Clinton's first term.

I'm the Elvis shovel.

I'm the crown they'll have to take from my COLD DEAD SCALP!

I'm the B.J. that Clinton undoubtedly got to stay in during his first term.

I'm Gaby, I want to sculpt that big black beautiful buck (Anthony). I don't understand how this is offensive to anyone.

I'm La Place San Sucky.

I'm the hippo steaks Charlene's parents ordered when she developed an allergy to domestic meats.

I'm Kaki the African exchange student attending a White House dinner. I'm savvy enough not to put a big old platter on my head. Thank you Suzanne!

I'm the "Abbott banister."

I'm Louise Pollard.

Do you know what you have done?

Well, I guess she knew.

I'm Charles Pierce on a boat.

I'm knowledge, which Charlene loves - in fact, she yearns for me.

I’m Ann Blyth, center of a rambling, unfunny ‘joke’ by Charlene.

I'm Donna Jo Carnes. Do you know what the first runner-up in a beauty pageant gets? Nothing!

And I always knew that Suzanne Sugarbaker cheated to win Miss Georgia.

Hello, Ann Blyth at R153

I’m the huge expansion of the hole in the ozone layer the leading ladies caused.

I’m the season six opening credits in which nobody is quite sure where to look.

I'm the basement where Mary Jo and Charlene were hoping to find old photos of the governor's mansion, but instead found some pictures of young Julia and Suzanne.

I've also somehow disappeared because Charlene wishes the house had a basement when the tornado hit Sugarbaker's so the ground floor storeroom was the only safe place for Mrs. Phillpot and Olivia to take shelter.

I'm Allison's desk, nastily vandalized by the others for no reason.

I'm the hillbilly baby the hospital named "Female" (pronounced Fehmolly).

We're American bees. We're scared to death of an invasion by foreign bees predicted by the tabloid Charlene's devouring. Them damn furriners!

I'm the run down "shoebox" motel room where Suzanne and Anthony got stranded, which is larger than most people's living rooms and was once part of a suite.

I'm the modern day viewer thinking Delta isn't THAT fat for all the publicity it got. She's the same size as Christina Hendricks and a twig next to Chrissy Metz.

I'm Kathy Badminton, someone's mistress from Switzerland. If the some comes out, my top comes off. If the sun goes in, my top comes off. If the moon comes up, my top comes off. Suzanne thinks I should get a real name.

We're the tired stereotypes about Japan and Japanese people on this show. WTF was LBT's obsession with Japan? Perky got sent off there. So did Mason. And that episode where Julia and Suzanne are shown traveling there to get their car.

Speaking of Mason, we are also all the fat-shaming jokes that would get the show canceled in this day and age.

I'm the vending machine Suzanne violated at the Tokyo airport.

I'm the lousy impersonations of Joan Crawford and Bette Davis performed by Julia and Mary Jo.

I'm Mary Jo's best male friend who apparently can't find any single, straight, eligible women and have come to Mary Jo to remind her about the pact we made years ago.

I'm the lady at the nudist colony with a bad boob job. They look like a couple of party hats.

I am the laughable premise that being Miss Atlanta Arboretum for three years running somehow made Suzanne an expert in flora and fauna, allowing her group, with Bernice as its leader, win the camping trophy.

I’m Bonnie Franklin and Michele Lee. Even we think that Dixie Carter needs to reign in her acting on those Emmy-bait lectures.

I'm the somewhat odd choice by Julia to go by Mrs Sugarbaker. Technically she was Mrs McIlroy. Or if she wanted to keep her maiden name she would have been Ms Sugarbaker. Mrs Sugarbaker made no sense unless she had been secretly married to her father, her uncle or her half-brother. Or to another unrelated man with the same surname*

*Which is what happened in real life with Dixie Carter. Her maiden name was Carter and so was her first husband's surname.

I'm the episode in which Suzanne goes as the fourth Supreme in blackface. I am presumably not in syndication.

[quote]I'm the hillbilly baby the hospital named "Female" (pronounced Fehmolly).

This is an imposter. I already checked in at R85!

I'm Debbie, Helen Van Patterson Patton's sister.

I'm the ambitious bougie girlfriend Anthony had for a while. I drive a Beemer. WHET me? Did he actually pick that Tina Turner creature over me?

The show needed jokes, R176. That’s why.

I'm Mary Jo Shively's pet dog. This bitch is obsessed with deworming me or giving me a flea dip. At least that's the excuse this lazy bitch gives for being late to work every fucking day.

I'm the papers on Charlene's desk that would have often been blown away if the front door wasn't so obviously on soundstage.

I'm Suzanne's alimony payments.

I'm Anthony's ever-changing backstory.

Wrong, r173! I just watched that episode within the last two weeks on AntennaTV. Tragically it appears their rights to DW have expired as they’re now running Archie Bunker’s Place (gag!) in that time slot and Designing Women is no longer listed on their website. I hope it pops up on another channel. The episodes were cut to bits to cram in more ad time on AntennaTV anyway.

I'm Signed Sealed Delivered I'm Yours by Stevie Wonder.

Charlene listens to me on a loop because my 45 skips.

I'm the unbelievably tacky outfit that Charlene wears to work after she breaks up with Mason.

I'm rude, lazy, horny and dumb.

I'm Charlene's adorable little lip sync for her life to "Sleeping Single in a Double Bed."

I'm Norman Bates.

I’m Jean Smart in flats while all the other ladies are in heels.

r188, you are so tall!

I'm Carlene's theme song to her own life, after which all the ladies slide down a slide.

I'm Charlene's nostalgia for World War II.

I'm Bill Stillfield.

I'm a low hangin' man.

I’m the rich bitch alimony tour that Suzanne went on visiting the sacred grounds where Jackie O, Joanne Carson, and other rich bitches got their alimony and divorce settlements. I’m also Mary Jo telling this story and you can tell how jealous I am……

I am nylon. I am the answer.

I'm Mary Jo's naked ass pressed against the window of the train.

I'm Suzanne's most humiliating moment ... when Julia mooned 1,200 people.

I am the outer limit of Meshach Taylor‘s acting ability.

I'm all four ladies claiming they were virgins on their wedding nights. Sure,Jan.

I'm dirt, and southerners still eat me.

I'm T. Tommy Reed's T. Tommy Taint.

I have been a Southerner all my life, and I can vouch for the fact the we do eat a lot of things down here. We've certainly all had our share of grits and I'm sure there are no self-respecting Southerners anywhere who haven't consumed at least several tons of their mama's homemade biscuits and gravy, and I myself have probably eaten enough fried chicken to feed a third world country, not to mention barbecue, cornbread, watermelon, fried pies, okra, and, yes, if I were being perfectly candid, I would have to admit we have also eaten our share of crow. And for all I know, during the darkest, leanest years of the Civil War, some of us may have had a Yankee or two for breakfast. But, speaking for myself and hundreds of thousands of my Southern ancestors who have evolved through the many decades of poverty, strife, and turmoil, I would like for Mr. Weaks to know that we have surely eaten many things in the past, and we will surely eat many things in the future, but—God as my witness —we have never, I repeat, never eaten dirt!

R182 Antenna TV has a spinoff channel now called Remote, where Designing Women, 227, Facts of Life, Different Strokes and others went.

I'm a brand new unopened Trivial Pursuit.

I am the inherent tension and unease at the intersectionality of race and class that made Suzanne and Anthony's relationship so funny, and that feels so unresolved after Delta Burke's departure.

Anthony's ongoing relationship with Julia, textbook bourgeois white feminist and self-defined liberal is.... problematic, to say the least.

I'm the wedding between Suzanne and Anthony that would have occurred the following season had they not fired Delta Burke.

We're Elizabeth Ashley and Ann Wedgeworth, wondering why we were cast on Evening Shade instead of this.

I'm the fur Suzanne modeled in. She will be sweating in me for weeks.

I'm Wilma Flintstone. Julia compared my pearl necklace to Nancy Reagan's.

I'm the joke about Anthony and Julia living in the same house in a dispute as to who was the rightful tenant.

I might've been funny for one episode but I was also dragged along all season.

Second to The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Designing Women was the best show on television ever.

^Coco, still smarting

I'm the painting of Julia nude from her days as an art student in New York.

I'm Roberta Harwood and was featured on Unsolved Mysteries. I'm currently in hiding as Olivia's nanny.

I'm Rusty the Plumber's butt crack.

I'm Suzanne's Sugarbush.

uH oh! MoOn AlerT!

I'm the man in first class who was having an asthma attack when Suzanne told me to "shut up".

I'm Julia, discretely fantasizing about a quick one with Anthony in the storeroom.

I'm Bernice, openly fantasizing about a long one with Anthony in the storeroom.

Black Maaaaan!

I'm Wilson Brickette

I’m Hal Holbrook, eating Dixie Carter’s pussy during set breaks.

I'm Mary Jo's squirt gun.

I'm Mary Jo becoming a raging bitch in Season Seven.

I'm Carlene's ad in the paper: MAMED

[quote] We're Elizabeth Ashley and Ann Wedgeworth, wondering why we were cast on Evening Shade instead of this.

We were full up on high strung crazy bitches at Boogershaker's, ladies.

I'm Kikibakers!

I’m randa Oliver who beat the shit out of Suzanne for some lapis beads.

I'm the Fair Price Motel which I understand is one of the nicest places some jurors have been in a while.

I'm the black wigs Suzanne tells Charlene to buy.

Charlene, buy me so you and your baby can get the hell out of town!

My real name is Monette Marlin and I began fucking in the back seats at drive-in movies. Now, I'm Monica and I'm a two-bit floozy who just blew in from St. Louis.

We're Suzanne's batons, and we're an integral part of her "St. Louie Blues" pageant talent.

I’m Blanche Deveraux’s phony southern accent she stole from designing women.

I'm Valentina Tereshkova and Charlene says she knew I was the first women in space without cheating.

I’m Margaret Mead

I'm 'Green Acres' and Suzanne would rather be watching me then waitin' around for some concubine to fall out of bed.

I'm the pearls Julia refused to suck.

I'm R233, who apparently doesn't realize that DESIGNING WOMEN premiered a season after THE GOLDEN GIRLS.

I’m R238 and a gerchominochen.

R238 again I also eat gerchominochens!

I'm polite Georgia society, who look upon hiring Sugarbakers as this year's annual charitable deed.

I am Uncle Gertrude’s—not a lesbian bar, in case you’re asking.

I am Sappho—the wonder detergent that gets your whites white.

If we can put a man on the moon, we can put a man on you!

Thank you, r202! I’ll have to see if I get that channel

I'm Anthony's sex dreams about Julia.

I'm the black guy who is OK with dating Mary Jo even if I refuse to let my son take a white girl (Mary Jo's daughter) to a dance.

I'm the pig nose Bernice ends up with after having a nose job. The other four women are too polite to say anything about me to Bernice's face but they snicker behind her back. I remind Suzanne of her runaway pig Noelle 🐽

I'm a cultured, refined gentleman whom Julia is saying. Her cousin Alison is convinced that I am gay. Can a straight man not love Judy Garland?

“He worked Ida Lupino into a twenty second conversation”

Hello y'all my name is Randy Hamiliton...I was never seen nor mentioned on the show. I was Payne's roommate for awhile at Vandy. Between the old bitch and the one he married, we "experimented" and we still do a few times a year when we meet up in Nashville to "watch" a game.

I'm Allison's Orphan Annie wig she wears to prison.

I'm "Senior Roundup" a public access cable show hosted by Bernice. Today our featured segment is "Decorating Call Girls".

I'm Anita Hill.

I’m the set stuck in Dixie Carter’s teeth.

I'm the 20 Mule Team Borax offered to Payne's long-in-the-tooth girlfriend as a substitute for lavender for her bath.

I'm the awful, harsh looking, blonde hair that Mary Jo sported in just one episode

I'm Suzanne's bra cup covering Mary Jo's entire head.

I'm the warmer auburn-brunette hair Mary Jo also had for a while. I thought that was actually the most flattering color on her.

We're the Roscoe Baileys, and we're always dressin' up like the police.

I'm Suzanne's last pair of pantyhose she gave Anthony so he could stay warm in the truck during the blizzard.

I'm Mary Joe's curls, my mother who was all about the late '80s perm fad, was all about them. She would eventually move on in her curl worship to Julainna Marguiles and that Greek woman on Providence.

I'm Claudia Shively. I am practicing the "come hither" look that Aunt Suzanne taught me to master for the pageant.

I'm Kendall Dobbs.

I had a hot, hairy ass but I couldn't live forever.

I'm Suzanne's views on bisexuals. I don't believe in bisexuals. I figure the rest of us have to choose, so why shouldn't they?

I'm La Leaky, that organization that supports breast feeding.

I'm Miss Eulalie Crown, a former teacher of Mary Jo's. I escaped the senior's home with my friend, Mrs. Chesley. Mary Jo must be the one getting old because she didn't remember me from the year before when I was on her team on the Wilderness Experience.

I'm Julia being a snobbish cunt when I discover Mary Jo working part-time at a fast food joint.

I'm the show's sex-negative attitude

I'm Robert, the guy Suzanne turned into a woman.

I'm MURPHY BROWN, and I was the network lead-in to DW for a while. I won Emmys (for Best Comedy Series and for Candace Bergen) and other awards and garnered far more attention than DW ever did. I made headlines on multiple occasions.

30 years later, and I'm largely forgotten even while DW is airing multiple times a day all over the planet. I was basically a bust in syndication. My reboot was a high-profile failure in 2018. No one is quoting my dialogue, as far as I can tell.

That's very true, R268, but Julia did know how to speak the fast food lingo like a pro. Alas, can't find the quote.

I'm Julia's pretentious, affected way of speaking. Her pronunciation of the word "literature" as "li-ter-a-tyour", for instance.

r271 as it should be. Bergen was terrible.

I'm all the cassettes, CDs, tapes, records, and Laserdiscs Suzanne and Charlene won.

[quote]30 years later, and I'm largely forgotten even while DW is airing multiple times a day all over the planet. I was basically a bust in syndication. My reboot was a high-profile failure in 2018. No one is quoting my dialogue, as far as I can tell.

Outside of DL DW is even less relevant than MB.

Trust me, NO ONE is quoting lines from DW.

I’m the assault rifle and matching penior ensemble that Suzanne is wearing when she fires said rifle into the dark, Georgia night from atop her grand staircase when Mary Jo, Julia, and Charlene break out her window.

I’m that fat tub of shit Donna jo carnes AKA r276

I'm Nedra Volz and I played a sexist construction worker's mother in one episode. I was also on Filthy Rich with Dixie and Delta.

r279 i couldn't stand Nedra on anything. and she seemed to pop up everywhere!

R276, that's actually not true, SNL did a Julia Sugarbaker inspired sketch with Cecily Strong and RuPaul. You basically had to get the DW reference to find it funny and it seemed that most people did. Also, 30 Rock did an homage to DW.

Yes, and MB got an actual reboot, even if it did flop.

Oh, well, I guess they’re BOTH pretty irrelevant, especially compared to The Golden Girls.

The Golden Girls is one of the most mediocre, overcooked pieces of shit that was ever on TV. The constant worship of it on the DL shows how many gay men have terrible taste.

I'm Bill's wealthy mother and aunt who seem to have cut Bill off without a penny after he married Charlene. Maybe old Mrs. Stillfield paid for the nanny, but otherwise, Bill and Charlene apparently had to scrimp and save for several things and barely got enough money together to put a down payment on that dumpy house.

I'm the CASH REGISTER! Suzanne made a go for after she and Charlene successfully cleared out that store in record time.

[quote] The Golden Girls is one of the most mediocre, overcooked pieces of shit that was ever on TV. The constant worship of it on the DL shows how many gay men have terrible taste.

Yes, Will & Grace is certainly more worthy of our constant worship.

I'm Anthony's tight skimpy outfit after he got mugged and stripped at the baseball game.

I'm the jokes/anecdotes that are told in more than one episode, and DW has a few of those.

Like this one.

[quote] CHARLENE: That reminds me of that story about a Southern woman who goes to this la-dee-da cocktail party in New York City. She turns to a Northern woman and says, "Where y'all from?" The Northern woman looks at her and she says, "We're from where we don't end our sentences with a preposition." So the Southern woman looks at her and says, "Oh...well then, where y'all from.......BITCH!"

DW didn't get a reboot because Dixie Carter and Meshach Taylor are dead. She was the centerpiece of the show. It was her monologues that are remembered. The only way to reboot DW is they would have to find a replacement for her. I would recommend a loudmouth opinionated Southern gay or bi guy, that can also sing. Have him be a never before seen Sugarbaker nephew whose parents died and so he was raised by Aunt Julia, after the events of the first series. Open the show with a double funeral for Julia and Anthony, who died in some sort of funny protest related manner.

I'd replace Anthony with his militant adopted son.

Mary Jo and Charlene still own shares in the business and make occasional appearances with their daughters now working there, at least one of them would be a lesbian. Suzanne is now back full time, along with the now adult little Korean girl she fostered that time and almost kidnapped.

Boom. You have a reboot. But, you really have to cast it correct.

I'm the old crone in the sauna at Suzanne's health club. I don't know what makes me think any Lesbian would want to lick my snatch or fondle my pruney tits.

I didn’t like Suzanne or BJ.

I like Judith Ivey just fine but I loathed BJ on DW. There was no character there, nothing of any interest.

Suzanne was a monster at times but she was endlessly entertaining in Delta Burke's hands, and the show never really recovered after she left.

Just my two cents.

Can we get Randa Oliver in there somehow, R289?

R289 That would work if Delta was even remotely physically or mentally healthy enough to do it, but sadly, she is not.

R292 One of the things was that they made BJ so inconsistent. At times it seemed like they were setting her up to be the more moderate or conservative voice to challenge Julia then they made her a big Clinton donor, when it would have been much more believable for her to have been a big Perot gal.

I am Julia trying to save Anthony at the bachelor auction. I like ‘em big. The bigger the better.

I’m Mary Jo sliding a condom on a cucumber at the conclusion of the other sanctimonious speech on “killing all the right people “

I am the mysterious yuppie Roseanne Barr Disease.

I’m the bitter DW fans, angry that the show is all but forgotten while the vastly superior GG is still wildly popular.

I'm the tiny hat Anthony wore as Consuela at her citizenship ceremony. I added the finishing touch to such a convincing female impersonation.

I'm subtlety, a foreign concept in the Designing Women universe.

I'm the sexual tension between Mary Jo's boyfriend JD (played by Richard Gilliland) and Charlene (played by Gilliland's real-life wife, Jean Smart, whom he met and fell in love with on the sets of Designing Women).

I'm the jaunty music.

I'm Charles Nelson Reilly's house.

We are the capital cities of countries around the world. Charlene claims to know us all.

I'm I'm the 200 year old black woman in the hospital.

I'm Bernice's "arterial flow problem".

[quote] That would work if Delta was even remotely physically or mentally healthy enough to do it, but sadly, she is not.

Delta acted in an episode of Dolly Parton's series last year, and she was just fine. She looked good as well. The surgery had settled.

I think a recurring role probably wouldn't be too taxing.

I'm the crude and imaginary construction workers Julia is forever having to quote to her overly curious underlings. Julia invented us to get attention from the group.

Hearing our cheap vulgarities come out of that crisp Vandy mouth of Julia Sugarbaker was funny the first few times, but the bit got old fast.

Delta is bipolar. Getting herself together for a special guest role is not the same as the strain of a weekly series.

R310 It would've been so cheeky to see her play the sassy wife of Gerald's character on "House of Cards."

A sweet Missouri housewife who's secretly as shrewd and calculating as her tycoon husband.

I’m Carlene’s homemade potpourri that makes everything within 10’ of it take on its odor. Even hotdogs!

R312 My momma used to make homemade potpourri on the stove. She'd let it sit there cooking and smelling for weeks on end, even with regular food on the next burner.

Delta's not a good actress. She doesn't have much range beyond what she did on DW and mostly just coasted on likability and charm playing herself in her next few sitcoms.

I'm the unaired 1991 backdoor pilot 'Suzanne in Tokyo' where Delta fought Godzilla.

R315 It was a short fight. She bored him to death with stories about Miss Valdosta Feed & Grain, and then she ate his pan-fried carcass.

We're ancient old crones named Tiffani and Shannon and little girls named Beulah, Maude, and Ethel.

I'm Paul Lynde. That crone Alice Ghostley stole my act and my voice back in 1954, and never gave it back.

But the reason I didn't have a bigger career? Those fuckin' Jews! Buy me a bottle for lunch and I'll tell you all about it, kiddies!

I’m Phyllis McGuire, Bernice Clifton’s niece and I don’t let anyone use the good soap and towels after they shit!

I'm the seaweed used to whip Suzanne's cellulite.

I’m the bar of ivory soap underneath Phyllis McGuire’s sink that Bernice uses after she shits.

I'm Charlene's psychic nutritionist, Tovah of Biloxi. I predict that she will develop a cellulite problem and an allergy to domestic meat.

I'm Suzanne's personal exercise regime, which she does every morning - twirling the baton to the tune of "St Louis Blues."

I'm Julia's condescending tone whenever someone has a problem.

CHAR-lene!

Mare-REE-Jo!

SUUU-ZANNE!

I'm the disastrous meeting Charlene went to where she fell asleep, leaked milk, and had baby puke on her shoulder.

I'm Charlene's breast milk that's kept in the refrigerator and Suzanne puts it in her coffee by mistake.

I'm Mr. Peace's dick that's ready to flop out of the bikini underwear Suzanne bought on sale as Reese's birthday present.

I think the property brothers fuck each other

Wrong thread, R328 ... although I could see the ladies at Sugarbakers discussing this. Which leads me to my point: I'm the five-minutes or so of lazy pop culture/sociology discussion at the top of any given episode from Season Three onward.

I'm a pair of multicolored clown shoes stained with the sweat of 50,000 poor people.

I'm the Sore Bun which Julia attended.

I'm the little bird that Reese gave as a present to the ungrateful cunt Julia. The presumptuous bitch was expecting an engagement ring instead, so she hated me. She wouldn't even give me a name until Charlene forced her to.

I disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Watch it all on the next Unsolved Mysteries about Roberta Harwood.

I am Suzanne, exposing the hypocrisy and bullshit of Julia and Charlene, both of whom married very affluent men from wealthy, old families in spite of all their talk about money not being important and advising Mary Jo to not expect her boyfriend to work for a living.

R333 Charlene married money? I thought she married a fighter pilot.

I’m the Audrey deckers and Donna jo carnes voodoo dolls consuela made for Suzanne

I'm the extra syllable in "Consuela" that that fat hick Suzanne kept adding to the name.

I'm a country song competition. Was their more than one of me?

R334, Charlene's husband Bill came from an old money Virginia family. Charlene's own very modest background was the reason his mother and aunt were opposed to their getting married. His first wife had also been from a similarly affluent family, so his mom didn't really like having a hillbilly with 24 siblings as her daughter-in-law.

R338 I've been to Poplar Bluff, and the family was right to be concerned.

r 308 r310 I love Delta but I think perhaps she could only handle that one episode because her husband was with her the whole time, acting with her. those who say she couldnt handle a weekly series are probably right, especially if he were not there.

r308 see r340

I'm Suzanne's lips, accidentally glued together

R334, he was a fighter pilot who came from old money. There was an episode devoted to Charlene meeting her future in-laws and being terrified of not being good enough because her family was poor.

[quote]I love Delta but I think perhaps she could only handle that one episode because her husband was with her the whole time, acting with her.

That episode is very intense and if she were in a fragile mental state, there was no way she would have did that ending.

R344 I think so too.

[quote]I'm Suzanne's lips, accidentally glued together

I'm the lady who thinks Rosalind hired a mime.

CON-SA-WAYLA

I'm BJ's husband's grave.

I’m Mary Jo’s pancake tits

I’m the iron marks on Penny’s face.

I'm Dr. Ted Shively, played by Scott Bakula and his impressively hairy chest at his peak hotness. It's no wonder I dumped Mary Jo and her unimpressive pancake titties. No amount of child support for my two evil spawn is too much. I'm just glad to be out of that mess.

I'm rice cakes!

I'm the clunky, chunky earring Charlene must remove in order to answer the phone.

I'm the old, fat guy who tried to "purchase" Julia.

I'm Mary Jo's blind date who wore a mesh shirt and had hair peeking out of every porthole.

I'm young Patrick Warburton as Mary Jo's underwear model boyfriend. Tragically, we never got to see him on the job.

I'm Fernita Cates.

I'm the best looking man left on earth.

I only cost a buck.

I'm Anthony's Daisy Dukes that he wore for that bachelor auction. Because of course, straight women want to pay thousands of dollars for a Village People wannabe.

I'm Veda and I love to jog.

Sorry, it's Davida.

I'm "my sisters, Marlene, and Harlene, and Darlene. This is Darlene's husband Joe and their kids Joe Junior, Becky, and Don. This is Harlene's husband Dennis, and their kids Mindy, and Danny, and Jess, and Edward Lee. And these are my brothers, Frank, Dwayne, Odell, Robert, Virgil, and Billy Hugh. This is Frank's wife Velma, who's expecting. And this is Dwayne's wife Emily, who's expecting, and their kids Margaret Ann and Dwayne Junior. This is Robert's wife Cynthia, and their kids Buford, and Brenda, and Bobby Ray. And I think you've met Harold Thomas."

I'm Richard Gilliland. I played Mary Jo's love interest, J.D. Shackleford, in a recurring role. Jean Smart asked Delta Burke if I was single, and Delta set us up. Jean and I were married for 31 years until my death earlier this year. She misses me.

I'm "Sugar J"!

Gilliland as J.D. was goofy but sexy. One of my types....

I'm Ora Fern Faucher, fat shamer par excellence.

Charlene had to have been hovering around 35 when DW began. And her parents appeared to be in their sixties.

I could never quite understand how 5-year-old Harold Thomas came into being.

Harold Thomas was mystery daughter Carlene's shame. Mama and Daddy brought him up as theirs and she was kept hidden away until she moved to Atlanta to start a new life.

I'm Allison Sugarbaker, the most hated TV addition since Cousin Oliver.

I was the original Meghan McCain - a worthless blonde brought in to ruffle liberal feathers.

I'm Judith Ivey, and I can't remember my lines.

I'm Karen Delaporte, and that cunt Julia said my topknot is crooked.

I'm Julia Duffy, a multi-Emmy award nominee for Newhart with a wonderfully high Q rating, which will drop like a stone after working one season on this series. I will disappear from the public eye within three more years.

Remember the showgirl Anthony married? I'm all her feathers.

I am Charlene's barely concealed homophobia cloaked in the "I don't judge gay people" sentiment when she is flustered by Suzanne's suggestion that Charlene's brother might be gay.

I'm Julia Sugarbaker, Suzanne Sugarbaker sister. I couldn't help overhearing part of your conversation.

I'm the special stick.

I’m the drunk guy at Suzanne’s high school reunion wondering how big her tits are.

I'm a box that claps for you.

I'm Bernice's problem with arterial flow.

I'm Noel's high heels.

I'm the (presumably racist) note Suzanne wrote for Anthony to show the mall security guards while he circled the lot in her Mercedes. She can't walk all that way in her heels.

I'm Suzanne's sunburn at Bernice's sanity hearing.

I'm the sit-in Julia gets involved in to scream about some microaggression. I have a feeling Julia thought SJW stood for "Sugarbaker, Julia (Widow)".

I’m Bobbie Gentry, Bernice’s favorite songwriter.

I'm Suzanne's ex-husband, the baseball player, who has been bragging about his sexual conquests. Little does she know that I actually like men. I only married her because I thought she would be a great fag hag.

I'm Mary Jo's ex-husband, the philandering OB/GYN Ted Shively.

My grades were too shitty for a normal medical school, so I got my training in Guadalajara. Mary Jo came with me, and worked two jobs in that bustling drug-fueled Mexican city while I fucked everything not nailed down.

I fight Big Red for every penny of child support, and leave her to raise the kids while I'm off fucking carhops in my new BMW convertible.

I, unfortunately, am going to need the correct spelling of your name.

I'm Mary Jo's virtue-wise, security-foolish decision to not ask for alimony.

I'm the assortment of financial problems that only Mary Jo (who divorced a doctor and has a college education) seems to have. Kids who commit crimes. A dog that's always at the vet. A Volvo that's always in the shop. A preteen son's homosexual obsession with Milli Vanilli. The list goes on and on.

Charlene lived in an apartment and probably sent money back to Poplar Bluff, but she never seemed to have money problems.

I'm stage icon Judith Ivey. The camera makes me nervous and I always suck on TV (snooze through my scenes on Will and Grace, if you like), but fans give me a break because this material sucks.

The look on my face in almost every scene says "What the hell am I doing on this show?" BJ is a more worthless character than Julia's giant reading glasses she only wears for vanity. Viewers had already heard six seasons of Missouri folklore, Georgia folklore, and fuzzy "Southern pride" folklore. Nobody gave a shit what a brassy Texan had to say in 1993.

I'm the live chicken being sold to you in Guadalajara. At first you are going to think you are getting me at a very good price.

Wait until you are told that there is an additional charge to kill me. Plus extra to pluck me. Oh, and did I mention the charge to cut my head off? Let's just say you need to be prepared to pay $600.

I’m the mass hysteria that would be caused if one of Suzanne’s breast were to be pulled out in public in order to breast feed a child. I’m also said breast, which apparently Suzanne was born with because Julia and her parents would just sit around and stare at them when Suzanne was a child.

At least R Kelly waited until a girl hit puberty……

I'm Martita, one of the shameless 'hos who threw herself at Ted Shively while Mary Jo suffered.

I'm the vaguely porn-y episode where insipid cunt Claudia meets reasonably hot Jack in a bar and brings him home where he hits on Mary Jo. Any normal mother/daughter duo would fuck Jack, but it's implied that no such thing occurs with the Shivelys.

♪ Consuela, Consuela, bobana ♪

♪ Banana fanna fofana ♪

♪ Mi my mo mana ♪

Consuela!

I'm Linda Bloodworth, who got to fuck a kinda gruff, hot, daddy bear Harry Thomason back in the 80s.

I'm the never-explained shift in narrative regarding Suzanne and her sexuality. In the first two seasons she was supposedly a sex kitten with an arch over her bed, but in later seasons, she morphed into someone who had never enjoyed sex and was only interested in rich old men with one foot in the grave and no sex drive.

I'm the ugly set.

I'm the toothbrush cup that did double duty as a drinking utensil during Carlene's slumber party. Not to worry, Carlene warshed me out real good.

I’m the E.P. Phone Home bumper sticker on the back of Julia’s Lincoln Town Car.

I'm the long-haul trucker Julia banged in Memphis.