Things I can do with figs

Shove em up ur asshole then pull em out and smell em.

Ahem, r1:

[quote] Apart from shoving it up my ass.

Do better!

Make fig preserves.

I don’t think anyone mentioned that you could/should shove them up your ass.

Dehydrate them and then freeze them.

Then what do I do with them r5?

just eat them fresh or make jam. fig/walnut is a great combination. Now I want some.

Eat it out like it's a pussy, preferably in a restaurant, in front of a WASP-y brunette.

It's a few months early but how about some figgy pudding?

Alan and Eleanor will show you.

I am kind of weirded out by figs since I learned that they all have a big dead bug in them

Fig jam! It’s a thing!

I love fig jam but that's a lot of work. What's something easier?

Roasted with vanilla ice cream

I cut my fresh figs and half and place cut side up on a food dehydrator tray. A full dehydrator (six trays) takes about 10 hours to dry out the figs. More time = crispy figs. Less time = chewy figs. I like 'em both ways. I have them with my cold cereal or hot oatmeal at breakfast.

You could try eating one…just a thought.

Why would you buy dried figs when fresh are in season? Slice them in half and eat them with a glass of tawny port while reading a great book.

If you have a fig tree then you know that the crop comes in fast, faster than you can eat or give away often.

You can become a bossy fig bottom.

Grill them, drizzle a really good local honey over them, and serve them with goat cheese.

Definitely oatmeal. Or put them in cookies.

I love the oatmeal and honey and cheese ideas! I love fig cookies at Christmas (I'm Italian American) but that's too much work.

This thread is causing me regret that I am living a ketogenic life. I could fit them in my daily allowance of carbs, but eating them heedlessly was a real pleasure, in the past.

Figs have a big dead bug in them?

Figs are flowers not fruit, technically. And they pollinated fertilized via a wasp that crawls inside and dies. Not all figs have a wasp inside though. It doesn't hurt anything and usually breaks down by the time you eat it. I've eaten many many pounds of dried figs and only identified a wasp like once.

Dried figs are my all time favorite food. You don't need to do anything to them or with them just eat them. Dried are better imo because they are sweeter and less slimy.

"Ah figs. Mother Nature's brown diamonds. In the fall, the rotting leaves smell like an Olympian's ejaculate. Figgy pudding cures the blues and banishes acne. I'm mad for it." -Myrtle Snow

I'll tell you what you CAN'T do with figs! You cannot use them as substitutes for prunes when making Poached Cod in Tomato Sauce with Prunes!

To do so would be a tragedy of Biblical proportions.

I like Fig Newtons, but this talk about the wasps has put me off even those. Yuck.

It's a very tiny little wasp, like a big ant. And they only die inside occasionally it's really not a big deal. I used to love fig newtons but I would always pick the breading off and eat the filling. Then I realized I should just eat figs straight.

Figs are also an amazing addition to liver and onions w/ bacon. Tons of recipes out there.

Baked Brie topped with figs, walnuts and honey.

Arrrrrrrr fresh figs, I'm like a pig finding truffles...I suck them up like a vacuum cleaner!

Years ago, there was this episode of 'Law and Order: Special Victims Unit,' back when detectives Munch and Tutuola (Richard Belzer and Ice T) were partners, where Munch had been shot and was in the hospital. Tutuola brought him one of his favorites, a "fig milkshake." I've been intrigued ever since, but have never had one.

Stew them(either fresh or dried) with honey, orange zest and a drop or two of almond extract. Great topping for pancakes, French toast and butter pecan ice cream. Or, put the stewed figs in a small bowl, pour on some heavy cream and top with a dusting of cinnamon.

Halve the fresh figs, insert a walnut piece and moisten with a few drops of balsamic vinegar(the kind Ina wants us to buy)

Have fig and prosciutto 'shooters' gone out of style?

Cut ‘em in half and wrap some prosciutto around them.

Well, you take a pot of scented honey mixed with goat's cheese yoghurt, sprinkled with almonds from the Atlas Mountains. You spread it all over your naked nubile young body, and allow a man old enough to be your father to lick it off. Just like her mother. Tease, tease, tease.

Cut them in half and press them a little to flatten. Top with feta, a basil leaf, and a drizzle of balsamic vinegar.

There was an early 00s book in which the author's father was a sadist who forced his mother to crawl around on the ground stuffing herself with rotting figs. I believe the father also assraped the child.

Are you a sadist, OP?

Halve the fresh figs, insert a walnut piece and moisten with a few drops of balsamic vinegar(the kind Ina wants us to buy). Then place cut side up on a food dehydrator tray. A full dehydrator (six trays) takes about 10 hours to dry out the figs. Dehydrate them and then freeze them. Roast with vanilla ice cream. Press them a little to flatten. Top with feta, a basil leaf, and a drizzle of balsamic vinegar. Wrap some prosciutto around them then shove them up your ass.

OP I don't give a fig what you shove up your ass.

Muddle figs in warm water with a little honey and lemon and add Armagnac. A beautiful drink.

You can take dried figs and soak them in the liqueur of your choice - I use Amaretto or Chambord - for about a week. Then remove and dust with superfine sugar by shaking them together in a bag. Shake off excess sugar, and enjoy. And they will keep for a long time.

My aunt and uncle used to bring a bag back to me every time they returned from Italy. They're gone now so I make my own.

They were also very popular as gifts one Christmas.

R36 That book was made into a series with Benedict Cummsinasnatch and Hugo Weaving. Excellent viewing.

Fuck 'em.

Smell em!!

Fig Newtons!

Make a clafoutis using halved or quartered figs instead of/in addition to cherries

The best cocktail I ever had was a fig sidecar. No idea how to make it but if I had some figs on hand I would google a recipe.