New York Times Pitchbot on Twitter

What be this mean?

The Taliban or rabid pit bulls: which would you allow your children to play with?

Can New York Times Pitchbot send a correspondent to the White House press corps?

Genius.

He's so good, he's even predicted some.

Some of these are pretty spot on. They should be sure to include more headlines linking some random disaster to the Clintons, ie " Two months Prior to Covid Crisis, Bill and Hillary Clinton Held a Party in the Hamptons, Allege Critics".

Hahahaha. These are so great. Totally nails their pathetic, lazy, click-bait both sides-ism headlines.

This Red State couple died on ventilators within 48 hours of each other. Here's why Democrats are still taking them for granted.

These working class white voters straight up hate Blacks. Maybe Biden should start listening.

Good find, OP.

And you're dependably cunty for "brill".

Gold star for this one.

This has fast become my very favorite DL thread at this point.

New York Times Pitchbot = New York Post Headline Generator

OMG.

Doug J is at the 'Balloon Juice' blog. He's genius.

It's also an interesting blog to read because the 'blog owner', John Cole, used to be a right winger. The Terry Schiavo case shook him up (as a final straw, I guess) and he's now a rabid Democrat.

Haha, OMG

They should include a REAL article New York Times published in 2016 " Why Melania May Be Our Best First Lady Yet" ( I'm not making this up , google it).

R32, he links to their real articles with no comment all the time. It's amazing how often you wouldn't know the difference.

Maybe they could add even more parodies of New York Times putrid op ed columnists. I'm thinking " Effeminate Democrats No Match For Manly Republicans" or " Kamala Harris, Mean Girl in Chief" by Maureen Dowd. Or " Why Birth Control Is Modern Genocide" by Elizabeth Breunig . Or some faux condescending moralizing by David Brooks or Ross Douthat , ie " An Ode to the Importance of Personal Responsibility"

^ He does skewer the op-ed columnists.

Life imitates the Pitchbot

These really aren't funny. I get it, but the problem with the Times is navel-gazing and a smug tone for domestic reporting. Contrarian mish-mash is more of a Guardian thing.

the person who is posting all the links here is the person who owns the twitter account?

OMG! I am laughing so hard! Someone needs to do a pitchbot for Vice and Buzzfeed!

I love how they retweet user submissions

I laughed so hard at this one.

Close enough in spirit to warrant a mention here:

Close enough in spirit or not r46, that was wonderful.

!!!

Yeah, they did such a good job in their old country...

The MoDo parodies are priceless

NOT THE PITCHBOT

What is even the fucking point of that Douthat column?

Currently the Covid death toll reaches the same as 9/11 every 1.5 DAYS. In what universe would the NYT run a column like this: "It's much easier having gone through 9/11 without knowing anyone who died that day. What if 30,000 people had died on 9/11?"

I follow Typos of the New York Times. The sheer weight of grammatical and spelling and just plain logical errors is astounding

Of course the Pitchbot has been on it all morning.

Life imitates Pitchbot

[quote] These really aren't funny. I get it, but the problem with the Times is navel-gazing and a smug tone for domestic reporting. Contrarian mish-mash is more of a Guardian thing.

Huh? First of all, they’re hysterical. Second, the NYT really IS like this.

The New York Times Pitchbot and the New Yorker have achieved singularity.

This account reminds me of Accidental Alan Patridge

Maureen Dowd is clearly a secret follower of this account.

Beyond parody:

Life imitates Pitchbot

Currently my favorite thread on the DL.

Very possibly my favorite so far r77.

It's not funny. It's like that unfunny guy who writes political satire for the New Yorker or Stephen Colbert.

Still my favorite thread on DL r81.

Please feel free to ignore the thread.

I'm blocking the people in this thread who say these aren't funny. Appreciate your candor!

[quote]I follow Typos of the New York Times. The sheer weight of grammatical and spelling and just plain logical errors is astounding

R61, one of my favourite funny moments of 2021 was when Roxane Gay got in a (pretty much one-sided) Twitter fight with the Typos account because it pointed out an error in her article.

Glenn Greenwald: misunderstood hero or complex anti-hero? These trailer park residents have strong opinions.

These are really lame and unfunny.

You seem to have a deep understanding of both r92.

Life imitates Pitchbot

This one

[quote]brill

Jesus Christ, you are retarded.

Not a parody

The Independent and the PItchbot have achieved singularity

Enough to make a maggot gag.

Pitchbot fodder in today’s NYT—live from a diner in Ohio!

NOT THE PITCHBOT

Fuck! I wish I'd thought of that!

Not the Pitchbot.

The Times has never met a fascist it didn't love.

The Washington Post and the Pitchbot have achieved singularity

NBC News and the Pitchbot have achieved singularity.

This is one of my favorite accounts on Twitter.

I am certain Dean Basquiet has no idea why it is funny

This is an actual headline in the NYT today, not a Pitchbot joke

"Analysis: Biden Hails Achieving Unity in Crisis, but Questions Remain"

The NYTimes is hopelessly broken.

The Pitchbot and the Independent have achieved singularity

I find it delightfully wry and smirk/chortle

I do a collapsed face sour lemon acknowledgement of mirth

So, your usual face?

MSNBC and the Pitchbot have achieved singularity

Brilliant

An actual headline the Pitchbot could have come up with

The best thing about the Pitchbot are the retweets of articles that sound like they were written by the Pitchbot.

This one is classic:

[quote] Washington Post Opinions @PostOpinions

[quote] Volodymyr Zelensky has gone a long way toward redefining manhood in a time of gender muddle and animus toward men, @kathleenparker writes

The apotheosis of a Pitchbot-bait editorial

To date r140, I believe that is my favorite.

I don’t know her but she seems to be over-thinking satire.

The Pitchbot and the Times have achieved singularity

R142 considering how many Pitchbot tweets later became almost identical headlines, I'd say the satire is pretty on-point.

They will ultimately have to pry this thread from my cold, dead Thread Watcher.

NYT Opinion piece by John McWhorter, 4/1/22:

[quote] What Will Smith and Joe Biden Have in Common

R147 I finally canceled my Times subscription because of that article

Happy Easter from the Pitchbot

An actual Charles Blow column reads like a parody

Chuckle. Brilliant.

[quote] Sons of Sam

[quote] Studies show that crime in America started to decline 18 years after access to abortion began to reduce unwanted births. Can Alito's Roe reversal give America a new generation of superstar serial killers?

[quote] by Maureen Dowd

[quote]For this humble Republican couple, it was a weekly tradition: a cut of filet mignon on the grill, a glass of $5,000 burgundy, and texting insurrection plans for the coup mob to Mark Meadows. But now the woke mob wants to take it all away.

Pitchbot retweeted this

Greenwald at his most insane

I can actually imagine some of those being written by Ross Douthat and Bret Stephens in real life.

Greenwald is dead in the eyes, Putin's boy. A grotesquerie with his harem of rent boys who shudder when he comes near them.

r168, AHAHAHAHAHAH. THESE ARE ABSOLUTELY BRILLAINT. LOL.

[quote](1/73)

is the kicker.

Yo these are really really good. Seriously. Keep them coming.

The Dowd parodies deserve a Pulitzer

Any article that has “Here’s why…” in the headline is known garbage.

Singularity achieved

Whether it's Democrats giving teen-agers Toni Morrison books to read in school or Republicans giving teen-agers assault weapons to shoot up schools, both sides have a problem with giving dangerous things to young people.

CNN and the Pitchbot achieved singularity

How nearby school shootings could affect the property value of your second home

Despite the loss of their children, Uvalde small business families are channeling grief into supporting GOP PACs.

This Is the End

After Ted Cruz‘s new school safety proposal, doors haven’t been this hot since the days of LA Woman and Light My Fire. But Texas schools seem more focused on Toni Morrison than Jim Morrison.

by Maureen Dowd

Singularity

In Coeur d’Alene, it was a Saturday tradition: grill some freshly hunted elk on the old Weber, put on a mask and freshly ironed pair of khakis, then pile into the U-Haul with AR-15s to scare the local homosexuals . But now, the woke mob is trying to take all that away.

The Lauren Boebert I Knew

How did the proud, open-minded escort I walked the streets with become a dangerous demagogue?

Baby Love

The Supremes ruled that you can't hurry Roe, but their legal reasoning dates back more to Betsy Ross than to Diana Ross.

by Maureen Dowd

The greatest tweet yet

Singularity

Why did the proposal to remove abortion protections from the Kansas constitution ultimately fail? It was seen by voters as too woke.

So glad to see you back New York Times Pitchbot on Twitter!

Opinion | I was a lifelong liberal lesbian. Then I read Josh Hawley’s book on masculinity.

In this Ohio town, it was a tradition: Latin Mass, listen to a little Infowars, then over to the town where the school shooting happened to harass the grieving parents of the victims. But now the woke mob is trying to take all that away.

Pitchbot Progeny:

[quote]Oh sure, abortion is popular in *Kansas*, but how will it play in the heartland?

NPR and the Pitchbot have achieved singularity

Singularity

Perfection

r199 Damn, I posted that one elsewhere before checking this thread first. So, so funny. I also busted out laughing at the "Andrew Yang: We should put crudité on blockchain" from the other day.

HAHA, OMG.

[quote]Opinion | If you've ever accidentally taken a pen from a bank or a doctor's office, you probably know how Donald Trump feels right now.

Singularity

[quote]In this Middle Earth village, it was a Sunday tradition: lazy second breakfast, a tall glass of mead, then over to the Maypole for a few rounds of whites only games and dancing. But now the woke mob is trying to take all of that away.

[quote]We wanted to understand the reasoning behind Judge Aileen Cannon's unprecedented special master order. So we talked to three unvaccinated QAnon members at a Jack in the Box in Flagstaff.

Singularity

Perfection

Truly perfection r213.

Yo this is fkin comedic genius. They should make a comedy parody movie inspired by r209.

The film would feature an all out war between wokesters and deplorables.

I found this on a right-wing twitter account, but it could be an NYT opinion piece. Please, Pitchbot, find this and use it for your tweets.

[quote] So far Democrats are having a better night than expected. Here's why that's bad news for Joe Biden.

All the Single Ladies

Sexy Sinema has become the Beyoncé of American politics, even if her politics aren’t very far to the left, to the left. Joe should’ve made like Jay and put a ring on it.

by Maureen Dowd

R73 my fav so far.

The Pitchbot has been defeated.

The Charles Blow tweet (and actual Blow headline:| A Biden Blood Bath) at R153 is priceless - it was from June 2022 and is a perfect example of the Times' wrongheaded thinking

I love that the Pitchbot also mocks Melissa Clark's relentless over the top purple prose in the Cooking section

A Manhattan jury on Tuesday found former President Donald J. Trump liable for the sexual abuse of the magazine writer E. Jean Carroll. Here’s why that’s bad news for Joe Biden.